


Shadows in the Light

by TheKeeperOfFate



Series: The Lion and the Wolf [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adorable Cole, Angst and Humor, Avvar Cullen, Avvar Culture and Customs, Cullen Has Issues, Dreamers (Dragon Age), Elvhen Language, Elvhen Pantheon, F/F, F/M, Fatherhood, Fluff and Smut, Fridge Horror, Friendship/Love, Helpful Cole (Dragon Age), Homophobia, Jealous Cullen, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Instability, Motherly Vivienne, Original Character Death(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Red Lyrium, Rite of Tranquility, Sera Being Sera, Slow Build Cullen/Male Trevelyan, Solas Being Solas, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:19:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 178,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5278199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKeeperOfFate/pseuds/TheKeeperOfFate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of how Cullen fell in love with a circle mage from Ostwick after the Conclave failed.</p><p>Unlike most circle mages, Joshua Trevelyan befriended a Spirit of Hope during his Harrowing. The two of them grew close as friends and she taught him to respect The Fade and it's denizens. She even taught him about history, philosophy and most importantly, how to speak and read Elvhen. Naturally, Cullen was unnerved by this, but he warmed up to Josh anyways.</p><p>Fen'Harel was intrigued by the young man. He was not like any human he had met before. He was a pariah, like the Dread Wolf himself.</p><p>Maybe, just maybe- He was the kindred soul- the friend the Dread Wolf desperately needed to prove him wrong.</p><p>*Under reconstruction* (Chapter 12/16)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Tranquility and Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh was heartbroken and Cullen knew he was the cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! :)  
> This is my first fanfic and practice for writing my novel. I absolutely adore Cullen and I heard that he was supposed to be bi. Anyways, this work is my way of celebrating the handsome, valorous Commander of the Inquisition.  
> A word of warning, this work has lots of violence, fluff and smut (from chapter 9 forward).
> 
> *Chapters are under reconstruction*
> 
> Wrote this chapter while listening to Someday The Dream Will End from the Final Fantasy X remaster OST.

The Breach seemed like a faraway problem despite the fact that Joshua lived in Haven with the Inquisition right at its doorstep. Its sickly green hue swirled as he made his way to the cabin Cassandra assigned to him. He had to hold back a frown as his marked hand sparked to life under his gauntlet.

The youth had to remind himself not to curse out loud from the pain that surged his hand as he slumped down against his door once inside; he had to be strong for all the people in Haven that depended on him:  _the Herald of Andraste_. Someone might hear and there went all the hard work he put in. He had to maintain a facade of stoicism and control. Since becoming the First Enchanter of the Ostwick Circle of Magi and a distinguished Knight-Enchanter, he became a level-headed leader of Loyalists. But often his emotions would get the better of him and he had to _calm down_. He was the youngest son of the Trevelyan family. He had to make them proud, even as a disowned mage.

He slept and dreamt of a world without pain, a world where his older brother had lived and The Conclave never happened. Everyone was still alive. Unfortunately, he could selfishly hide only for so long in the Fade without being noticed. His quiet sobs had attracted the attention of a white wolf. Its cold gaze eyed at him from a distance to gauge the young man’s situation until the wolf looked at him with wordless understanding, padded over to the Knight-Enchanter's side and sat with him until he awoke.

For the first time in a long while, he slept without interruption. Every night thereafter, the wolf would come to him and give him comfort in a world gone to hell. It would growl and bark, driving demons away and would allow the Knight-Enchanter to stroke its thick fur when the young man felt utterly alone. 

Since his attempt to close The Breach, his Mark stopped growing and so did the hole in the sky. But, Maker it hurt sometimes! In battle, he charged in with bravado, a well timed frost step and fierce strikes with his spirit blade, aided by Sera's arrows, Iron Bull's powerful axe and Vivienne's protective barriers, but after the fights he became silent and would distance himself from the others at the shelter he and Iron Bull made, because of the pain he always felt gnawing at his hand. 

He remembered his Harrowing, how Senior Enchanter Lydia was so proud of him the next day when he came to. He remembered that that was the day he met Hope. He was a special case amongst mages: he was helped by a Spirit of Hope that he befriended during his Harrowing and it decided to watch over him during his time in Thedas...it was drawn to his sadness. All it wanted was to help him. But now, she was silent. Since The Breach opened, he found no traces of her. His dreams were nightmarish without her soothing voice and he missed her cheery disposition. But now he had a new friend. It didn’t speak, but the wolf looked after him. He could tell that the wolf knew he missed Hope.

One rainy night along the seashore, he decided to venture into the forest alone. He flinched when Madame de Fer found him seated on a wet log with moist eyes. He always thought she looked rather ridiculous in her pristine, white outfit and horned hat. It was elegant but utterly stupid for the Storm Coast's rainy weather. She’d have to replace it once they returned to Haven.

"My dear, you'll catch a cold." She began as she sat beside the dark blonde Knight Enchanter. He was shivering in the rain as he left his armor at camp and opted to go with a light brown tunic and black pants. He must have looked miserable as the Court Enchanter opted to remain and watched sadly as Josh clutched his marked hand close to his chest with a small grunt of pain. He cursed to himself for being weak in front of Madame De Fer.

For a moment, Joshua thought the older woman would chastise him for showing emotion.  After all, she was the Imperial Court Mage to Empress Celene and an expert player of The Game. She taught him to keep his composure and to be cold like the ice magic he mastered, but to his surprise, she drew him into a hug.

"I know it's a lot to take in. Believe me; I still can't believe how everything has turned out. It'll be okay my dear. Don't worry." She said as she wiped at his tears with a silken handkerchief. It was near impossible to tell if it was tears or the rain. But he was drenched, hair messed from the rain and skin clammy as his shivering intensified. He was already coming down with a cold. He looked at her in confusion as she helped him back to his feet and smiled at him wholeheartedly.

Joshua moved meekly as he followed her back to the makeshift shelter before she lectured him. He saw Iron Bull was standing watch for the night and Sera preparing some alchemical fire for their jaunt in the morning to come. Both of them looked at the knight-enchanter as he passed by without a word and collapsed into his tent in a heap of cloth and muscle.

The Herald could hear them speaking about him in hushed tones. In all honesty, he was expecting them to gossip about his shortcomings and his naivety but instead the topic was not what he expected. They were worried about him. Joshua made no effort to adjust the way he was lying, pathetically clutching tightly to a large pillow that kept him warm at night, imagining it to be another warm body beside him that loved him and cherished him. A blonde with caring, pained brown eyes filled his mind and he snuffled slightly as he reminded himself of what the Commander had said as his heart broke into millions of pieces.

He listened to his companions speaking about him and the tears fell without effort. For once in life he heard people who didn’t even know him properly worry about him. The giddy elf was endearing to listen to as she ranted aloud and the Iron Bull telling her to lower her voice. Joshua heard someone pouring out something. He continued listening as Vivienne expressed her concern as well and it went against everything he knew of her. He feinted weakness once he heard the *clack* *clack* of the poorly thought out shoes she wore. He heard his tent open and felt a manicured hand on his forehead as the owner sighed sadly.

“Drink up, my dear. You will feel better.” Vivienne chimed as the knight-enchanter sat up and begrudgingly took the cup she had in her hand. He brought it to his lips and cringed from the bitter taste but he had to admit that it filled him with warmth. Not the kind that increased his fever, on the contrary, her herbal tea made him feel sleepy. He smelled the sleeping powder in it. He needed to sleep so he downed the entire cup without any complaints and nodded to the mage as she took the empty cup and stroked his forehead. “Thank you darling.”

“V-Vivienne.” He murmured before the mage left. He felt his mind fog but he needed to say it. The ebony mage looked at him with a briefly look of concern but the Herald of Andraste gave her a sleepy grin as he clutched to his pillow and nodded. “I-I’ll be fine. Thank you for l-lookiing after…m…”

Josh didn’t even finish his sentence; he fell into a deep sleep and dreamed of death. He saw the Temple of Sacred Ashes explode and his brother caught in the middle, a burnt corpse amongst the rest of the victims of whoever destroyed the Conclave. He was then taken by the Inquisition as a prisoner, a suspect and he had to prove himself. He tried to pry himself away from the nightmare, to find his own path but he was constantly hounded by giant spiders that tried to tear into him. He would run and hide, weeping solemnly until the wolf would find him and protect him. Only then would he rest, for without the White Wolf he would not sleep.

There was something about the wolf that was so familiar, yet so…different- like he knew the spirit in question. However, the knight-enchanter didn’t care for the moment. The wolf was a friend beyond words and he was ever thankful that the wolf protected him as it did. He would repay the wolf someday.

The mage woke up refreshed the next morning but still sad inside. He noticed that Sera, his normally overwhelming, crazy-ass friend watched him forlornly. He knew better than to ask what was wrong. He may not have been a Ben-Hassrath agent like The Iron Bull, but he could tell that the qunari had told Vivienne and Sera about what happened between himself and the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces.

Cullen…

Josh smiled to himself as he remembered how he got on with the others. Josephine and Leliana liked him; most of the Inner Circle liked him. Amongst them Solas stood out, always giving him advice and helping him with his magicks and his alchemy. In general, everyone considered the mage to be a delight…a nice, well mannered, gentle man but far too young to be involved in the whole mess he was in.

But out of everyone, Josh spent the most of his time with Commander Cullen. They would share battle strategies, drink at the tavern together and even spar sometimes to improve morale. Joshua had found someone that he genuinely liked. There was no forced feelings and no need to be someone he was not, it seemed that the Commander liked him as well and that they would become good friends; however it was not to be.

Josh took a chance, a chance that ruined his friendship with the Commander and made him shamefaced whenever the man’s name was mentioned. He kept his distance and tried to stay calm but it was hard to do, considering the fact that Cullen worked with him on a daily basis. He hid his pain and he covered it with a fake smile and he hoped to the Maker that no one noticed that the Herald of Andraste had rosy cheeks each time he encountered the Commander.

The Herald of Andraste was always told by his mother never to act on his base desires but to Josh it wasn’t desire. It was something more. It frightened him. The last time it happened, his life was thrown on its head.

 

 ---

 

Days later, the group returned to Haven after sealing a rift on the shore, worst for wear but alive. Again, the youth retreated to his cabin. His interactions with Cullen controlled but limited. He smiled, but it was hollow and threatened to turn into a frown. Cullen was the last to notice this. He was led by Leliana towards Josephine’s office, an unreadable look in her eyes as they moved through the chantry hall. She refused to disclose what was on her mind.

"Commander, we need to talk." The spymaster said as she ushered him into Josephine's office and gave Minaeve a brief look. The elven researcher nodded and left them with Cassandra and Ambassador Montilyet, then locked the door behind her.

Cullen looked questioningly at the women as they stood side by side in front of the desk Josephine used every day to write out letters that ensured the Inquisition had allies amongst the nobility. The spymaster held a letter in her hands. Unsealed, with the Ostwick Circle's heraldry on it, but her gaze was fixed on Cullen. Her gaze unsettled him. She was the Left Hand of the Divine. She knew everything. Probably- Cassandra however held a veilfire lantern. Its purpose stumped the former-templar.

"If this concerns the Herald, shouldn't he be here?" The former Knight-Commander asked as he pointed to the letter.

"He's in Val Royeaux with Madame Vivienne. We felt he needed a break. This whole  _ordeal_  has been tiring for everyone, especially Lord Trevelyan." Josephine chimed as she set down her clipboard and retied a loose lock of ebony hair into her updo.

"Cullen, I will be frank. Whatever happened between the Herald and you needs to be addressed. He cannot function. He walks about like a zombie and you allow it." Cassandra said as she approached the former templar and brought her hand to his shoulder. "I cannot allow this to continue. We need him to live. At this rate- he'll fall on his blade in grief."

The former templar shifted his feet as he stood awkwardly in front of his fellow Inquisition members. He didn't know how to begin. It was complicated; far too complicated for his tastes.

"Josh and I would speak about everything: the weather, the soldiers- Anything that came to mind really. I enjoyed his company very much."

" _Enjoyed_  being the operative word? You don't anymore?" Leliana interjected. The commander cringed when he heard her emphasis on "Enjoyed".

"I fear it's the other way around." Cullen replied as he rubbed at his neck.  He let out a deep sigh and regained his composure, but his cheeks flushed and his ears reddened. A sickening feeling filled him as he recounted that fateful night at the pier with Joshua. "I- He...confessed that he was interested in me…romantically."

"What? Really?" Josephine asked with shining eyes. She was a hopeless romantic. She squeed and make a loud "Aww" that made Cassandra give her a questioning glance.

"Josie, let the man speak." Leliana said as she focused on the commander. His face held regret. "What did you say to him?"

The man let out another sigh. He remembered the look on the Herald's face as they stood on the pier in front of the frozen lake that night. His green eyes, normally shining in innocence and hope, overflowed with tears. The tears however, didn't fall. Cullen had told him that he couldn't give him what he wanted: a romantic relationship, he hoped to remain friends with the young man despite his feelings. Joshua just looked at him, the mage’s smile fell away and he grimaced.

"I...I need to go. This was another m-mistake. I'm sorry!" The Knight-Enchanter stammered as he moved to leave. Cullen grabbed his arm, but Josh was quick, he fade-cloaked away and he wasn't seen for the rest of the night. “ _Another mistake?”_  Did he fall for someone else at the circle and got his heart broken? “ _Like now_.” Cullen thought to himself.

The former knight-commander searched everywhere, but he was gone. The next day, Cullen waited for him. The youth remained in his cabin until he was summoned by the others. It broke Cullen’s heart in a way that Neria Surana could never affect him and he could not understand what he was feeling for his former friend.

Leliana waited for him to finish then spoke in a harsh tone.

"Do you know why he reacted like that, commander?"

"Because I broke his heart?"

Leliana shook her head. She handed him the letter and Cassandra illuminated it with the veilfire lantern Solas constructed. At first, the parchment was void of any writing but soon Thedosian writing in a light hand was revealed, written in ink only visible by veilfire.

"Madame Vivienne brought this to our attention. The situation is quite...dire." Josephine said as the Commander began to read it to himself.

 

_Dearest, Madame Vivienne of the Montsimmard Circle of Magi._

_I write to you with a heavy heart as I pour out a secret I have kept. I can keep it no longer and I fear for the boy's safety. And for this world._

_His name is Joshua Trevelyan and he is a delightful young man. I had the privilege of teaching him when he was an apprentice at the Circle. He quickly adapted whenever I taught him a new school of magic and even mastered use of a spirit-blade. The one thing that made him stand out however was his attunement with spirits. He could sense them. He could interact with them without dreaming. He could befriend them too._

_However, he was deeply troubled emotionally. His family disowned him when it found out that the youth preferred the company of men. His siblings however visited him from time to time and he was on good terms with them. Truth be told, I didn't care if he liked men. He's a child of The Maker. The Maker loves all his creations._

_When the boy's Harrowing came up, we were all scared but excited for him. He was a good boy and he was strong willed. He would not fail._

_But he did._

_Something happened during the Harrowing and he was dead. Or at least we thought he was for a moment. When he came to, he explained that he was attacked by a Pride demon. It managed to weaken him to a point where he gave in, but his despair attracted a Spirit of Hope. It defended him and it kept him alive._

_After his Harrowing, he was much more emotional than before. He kept to himself and shut out the world, even after the other enchanters made him the First Enchanter due to his unique entrance to becoming a fully fledged Circle mage. He led us to greatness and cared about the templars and his fellow mages, but he was depressed. Always. He smiled but it was a facade. He was in constant pain- but hid it to seem stronger than he was._

_He went to The Conclave with few others. He wanted an end to the bloodshed. But instead, he became the Herald of Andraste. Not anything near what he wanted, so bear with him. It's a reminder of his past failures._

_I can hear someone outside as I write this and I smell fire. My time is nearly up._

_Please, keep him safe for me, Madame de Fer. You're the only one I can trust. If the Templars knew..._

_Dying in The Fade is Tranquility. He was touched by Hope. With rumors of a cure for Tranquility on the horizon...he may just be the key._

_Beyond that…there…is something wrong with the boy. Take care of him. He…is of a fragile sort._

_Yours truly_

_Senior Enchanter Lydia of the Ostwick Circle of Magi_

Cullen looked at the women in disbelief.

"He was Tranquil!?" The former templar half-shouted in horror. Leliana nodded.

"I suspect that he doesn't even know it. And we must keep it that way." The spymaster said solemnly. The others agreed reluctantly. Cullen at first protested with a mortified look until Cassandra interjected.

“If the rogue templars or even the mages knew, he would be in danger. Worst yet is that he’s unstable because he broke Tranquility. If we set him off, he may turn against us and I would not blame him. For now, we have to ensure his safety, body and mind. After we seal The Breach, we will tell him.”

Cullen didn’t want hurt his friend- former friend anymore but if it kept him safe, it would be justified. He tried to convince himself of that, but it didn’t stick. He hated what the others asked him to do.

 The Spymaster unlocked the door and was promptly met by Butler. Cullen remembered that she gave the reformed traitor another chance and it seemed to be working out. He silently thanked the Maker for sending Joshua. He was…exactly what the Inquisition needed to keep everyone grounded.  If only Cullen could find a way to help Joshua through his pain.

"Dispatch for you, Sister Nightingale." Butler said with a salute as he handed her a sealed letter and rushed out of the chantry to return to his post. The redhead let out a cuss as she opened it.

 

"What is it?"

Leliana passed the letter after reading it to Cullen and rushed to her tent. The letter had Duke de Guislain's heraldry. That was Vivienne’s heraldry too. She was his mistress-

The Herald was with Vivienne.

 

_Sister Leliana_

_My dear, I failed. The Herald is gone. He left a message._

_It said: "Found help. Will be back soon."_

_I'll try to find him, but he's tricky._

_Ask that buffoon Sera to get here._

_One of her friends seems to know where the Herald is._

_He wants Sera’s permission. As if that imbecile could run an informant network._

_Oh and Joshua left this for Cullen:_

_“Ir abelas, ma falon.”_

_I have no idea what that means._

_I’ll be in touch, darling._

_Madame Vivienne_

 

He heard Cassandra yelp in shock as he read it aloud. The seeker ran after Leliana as the spymaster did what she did best and co-ordinated a search party to find the Herald with Charter. Cullen moved to follow but was ambushed by an angry, fuming Sera. He was about to speak when he heard a woman speak.

"Fenedhis! Excuse me! Miss?!" A shrill voice called out. A young elven woman, roughly in her mid twenties with long red hair, blue eyes and tree-like tattoos’ on her face waved Sera down as she was about to shout at the Commander.

"Why are you talking to me Elfy? Shite- You lost?" The Red Jenny asked as she stopped in her tracks upon seeing the archer with a scowl. She was clad in dalish armor and had an intricate bow on her back with a quiver with few barbed arrows remaining. Cullen knew better than to interfere, so he watched as the girl approached. A scared look in her eyes as she saw Cullen standing beside Sera.

"Yes! I'm Alara!" The young woman nervously declared as she removed her right hand glove to reveal...a smaller Mark. Cullen’s mind immediately raced to his friend and his mind began to throb with pain as her Mark sparked to life, garnering a gasp from many a passerby and Cullen himself. "I'm looking for my brother, its urgent!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone curious about how the Inquisitor and his sister looks, here they are:
> 
> -Josh Trevelyan-  
> http://rs1379.pbsrc.com/albums/ah158/TheKeeperOfFate/Mobile%20Uploads/Joshua%20Trevelyan_zpsviyjgewu.jpg?w=480&h=480&fit=clip  
> http://rs1379.pbsrc.com/albums/ah158/TheKeeperOfFate/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG-20151026-00151_zpsfe84vicl.jpg?w=480&h=480&fit=clip
> 
> -Alara Lavellan-  
> http://rs1379.pbsrc.com/albums/ah158/TheKeeperOfFate/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG-20160213-00222_zpssq3gv2b6.jpg?w=480&h=480&fit=clip%22


	2. Just Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen does not like the idea of Josh heading into danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Caradhras (Archangel) by Two Steps From Hell.

 

Cullen was troubled by the phrase on the note Vivienne sent. It was for him, but he didn't understand Elvhen, so he went to Solas. He found Alara with the elven apostate, both reading some old dalish texts that Alara carried in a satchel confiscated by Cassandra, then returned once Leliana found her archery tricks useful for the troops and her spies.

He asked them what it meant and Alara looked at him with downturned eyes. He noticed Solas looking at the young dalish woman, also awaiting her answer.

"" _Ir abelas, ma falon_." Elvhen is tricky. It's a dance of words and ideas. More tiring than politics really, but it's beautiful. M-My keeper made me take some of the language tomes she uncovered in case anything happened to her, so I'm kind of an expert in Elvhen, well let’s see... " _Ir_ " means "I am". " _Abelas_ " means "sorrow". " _Ma_ " means "you", but this case I believe it means "my". " _Falon_ " means "friend" kind of like how we have the god Falon’Din, the  _friend_ of the dead.  Basically, it means "I am filled with sorrow, my friend" or simply "I am sorry, my friend." The redhead said as she paced about explaining to the former templar. Cullen managed to see a brief smirk on Solas face. He remembered how protective the elf was over the keeper and chuckled to himself. Solas was interested in  her, it seemed.

What intrigued Cullen however, was Josh's knowledge of Elvhen. Alara- she made sense. Josh however was a human Knight-Enchanter. There was more to the young man than he originally thought.

Cullen mused over Alara, who, out of a need to be helpful, opted to go with Cassandra, Solas and Varric to Redcliffe to meet with the mages. She was training to become the First of her clan, but for some reason they gave her to the Trevelyans- thus she seemed to be at ease around people she liked, especially the mysterious Solas. However, the Commander was in awe of the fact that she used a bow to cast her spells. It was weird, unlike any magic he had ever seen at Kinloch Hold. He had seen a lot there. A lot of the magic he saw, he wanted to forget.

After a long day of training soldiers, hearing about time travel- of all things…and thinking about his former friend, Cullen was drained. The Commander walked towards his tent, but stopped in front of Joshua's cabin. He felt the urge to check if the youth was still there, perhaps hiding away- or pining over him. All he needed to do was reach out and talk to him. They could get through this as brothers-in-arms. The Knight-Enchanter didn’t need to apologize. In fact, he was flattered by Josh’s love. But Josh wasn't there. He was gone. Cullen was filled with an emptiness he didn’t quite understand.

As it turned out, the search parties Leliana co-ordinated were not required at all. Sera's friend pulled through and spotted the young man near Therinfal Redoubt.  Cassandra pushed to find him and return him to Haven, but to her surprise, the Herald returned the next day with a strange boy in tow.

"Herald!" The brash seeker called with fire and concern in her voice as she spoke. Cullen and the rest of the advisors followed her to the War Room as Josh walked in. "Where have you been!? We needed you!"

"I found help. And don't use that tone on me, Seeker. I was helping! My sister Alara is here isn't she?" He said with a hiss as he slammed the War Room's door shut and returned to the young man's side. Cullen was taken aback by the harshness of the youth’s tone.

"Alara is your sister? She claimed to be such, but how? She's an elf!" Cassandra frowned but Leliana waved her hand to dismiss the seeker. It was common knowledge that Alara was Joshua’s sister; but Cullen had a hard time understanding the situation. Why would a noble house adopt a Dalish mage child? There wasn’t any logic behind it that the Commander could fathom.

"I had her background checked by Charter. She was adopted by the Trevelyans when Clan Lavellan passed through Ostwick and had too many mages. She was given her deceased mother’s bow and armor sealed in a lockbox, and a few Elven tomes before the Keeper entrusted her to the Trevelyans at age ten." The spymaster spoke in a clear voice. Cullen's mouth opened in surprise. Josephine didn't look surprised at all.

"Enough about that- Alara is my sister. Whoever objects, I will kill. We need to talk about the Templars. There's trouble brewing." The Knight-Enchanter pointed to his mysterious ally, his face filled with anger but a serene calm filled his eyes when he looked at the strange boy with the unwieldy hat.

The boy, a scrawny youth that was barely twenty sat with his legs crossed on the war table. He had on a large hat that looked ridiculous on him but he didn't seem to care as he picked at the table with bandaged hands, looking carefully at the miniature pieces that represented the Inquisition's efforts to close The Breach. Cullen briefly considered wrenching him off the table lest he mix up with his plans lying on the table, but the boy was harmless, for the moment.

"My name is Cole. Josh was hurting when I heard him.  _Always hurting. "Why do I love those who can't?" "Why does the Commander have to look so hand-_ "" the boy began but Josh quickly covered his mouth with a gloved hand, redness covered his neck and ears. The Commander flushed as he took in the boy’s words. Leliana and Josephine let out bemused chuckles as they glanced at Cullen- who admittedly wanted to dig a hole and die in it at that moment. The knight-enchanter barked.

"Fenehdis lasa, NOT THAT!"

"It is a demon, darling. What else could be expected?" Madame Vivienne said in a dead-pan tone as she walked into the room with Solas behind her. Cullen went for his blade but Josh manifested his spirit blade and held it to the former-templar's neck. Cullen felt his blood run cold as Josh looked at him with spite and hatred in his green eyes. He heard a faint growl coming from the Knight-Enchanter and judging by Solas’ grimace, he noticed it too.

"I swear to the Maker, if you harm Cole- I will end you, Commander." The Herald spat as the others in the room looked back and forth, not sure to intervene or to watch the spectacle. Cullen knew one thing in that moment: Josh was torn. He could see that the mage took no pleasure in threatening him but for some reason, the mage did it anyway. In a way, it hurt Cullen to know that Josh would choose a demon over him.

"If you would prefer, Madame Vivienne; but I'd imagine that the truth is much more complicated than that." Solas said as he moved past everyone and placed a soothing hand on Josh's shoulder. The knight-enchanter noticeably eased at his touch, stopped growling and retracted his spirit blade. His gaze softened on the Commander but it still held fire inside. Cullen looked at Josh in confusion with a hint of sorrow in his eyes as Solas continued. "Cole is a Spirit of Compassion."

Now that surprised Cullen. He then realized that Josh had more experience with such beings, as he was the First Enchanter of the Ostwick Circle and was attuned to spirits almost like how the healer Wynne was. He looked over at his former friend and mouthed an inaudible “I’m sorry”. Josh nodded with a slight smile and Cullen flushed further as green eyes traced his face as he saw Josh mouth a low “I’m sorry too, Cullen”.

 

\---

 

After many, many arguments over the plan of action against the Envy demon that Cole described to be masquerading as the Lord Seeker, Josh finally got the chance to see his sister in private. The former templar found himself grinning when he saw how Josh treated his foster sister. It reminded him of how he was with Rosalie, his bookworm, introverted sister who was always so innocent and loving but so naïve as well.

Cullen stood in the distance beside a cabin, watching and waiting for Josh to finish his conversation with the Fade expert, but it seemed like the mage was quite engrossed with the elf’s explanations. He didn’t see Cassandra approaching from the group. Judging from the look on her face when he caught sight of her, she knew.

“Is everything alright, Cullen?” Cassandra asked as she led him out of Haven and to the pier. He looked at the frozen lake as the moon shined overhead. It’s reflection shimmering below like a sea of diamonds.

“I’m uh…I’m not sure, Lady Cassandra.”

The seeker gave him a sideways glance as she moved to sit down and dangle her legs over the edge. He moved to join her and much to his dismay, she had a grin on her thin lips.

“It’s about Trevelyan, isn’t it?”

Cullen didn’t answer. Instead, he inhaled the cold air.

“How do you feel about his p-preference of men?” The Commander asked quickly, his voice gave way and he stammered, showing his anxiety over the topic. It was something he tried to wrap his head around but couldn’t. Of course, it was not unheard of in Thedas- He did read Brother Genitivi’s writings, but it was weird to be on the receiving end of such feelings. He was flattered, but concerned. He didn’t want to hurt the young man again. But he already was. If Joshua knew what he was keeping from him…it would destroy the Knight-Enchanter. And yet it would be inevitable yet required. He would find out at some point.

The seeker’s grin faltered. She didn’t answer right away, worrying the Commander. He watched as she thought about it for a moment and soon she turned to him with a smile on her face.

“I believe the Maker makes no mistakes. I believe He has a plan for each of us whether we like it or not. Most of all, I believe Joshua is a good person with a noble heart. Surely the Maker sent him in our time of need. Maybe even yours.” She said with a nod to herself.

“Mine?” Cullen asked. His ears flushed with color. Cassandra let out a chuckle, making the Commander give her an incredulous look.

“Before all this happened, you enjoyed his company. He made you forget about Kinloch Hold and your lyrium withdrawal. Does knowing he likes you change that?” Cassandra asked as she pointed to his chest, where his heart was.

“Not really no- But what concerns me is hurting him. I fear he hates me now.”

“Cullen. He cares about you too much to ever hate you. Do you know that he asks after you when you’re off training the soldiers alone or with Bull? Always asking how Commander Cullen is doing, if you’re alright. He misses you. It is insufferably cute.”

Cullen was about to speak when he heard a voice he dreaded: Sera.

“Hey! Commander Jackboot!” She said in her usual, snarky voice. Cullen turned his head towards her and barked.

‘What do you want- Oof!” Cullen yelped he felt snow collide with his face, the elf let out a fit of giggles as it happened. Cassandra briefly yelled as she jumped to her feet turned to the mischievous elf. She was about to protest when she too yelped when cold snow hit her cheek. Cullen shot the Seeker a devilish grin as he gathered up a large amount of snow and flung it wildly at the elf. She rolled out of the way with a loud giggle.

“Is something wrong?!- Aah!” Joshua cried out as the snowball struck his cheek with full force. Cullen stopped in his tracks as Sera looked between him and the Knight-Enchanter with a look of horror in her eyes.

“Cullen did it!” Sera giggled loudly as she pointed to the Commander mischievously. Cassandra threw her with a rather large snowball, making her flinch.

“We were having an important conversation!” The Seeker hissed as the Knight-Enchanter approached. His tanned skin was red from the snow that hit him.

“I’m really s-“ Cullen began but was interrupted when Josh pointed to The Breach with a shaking gloved hand.

“Look!” The Knight-Enchanter shouted in horror and the Commander turned quickly but saw nothing out of the ordinary.

“I don’t see anything!” Cassandra barked as she turned. Cullen was still looking but Josh was behind him in a flash, the Commander felt the mage stuff winter magic into the small of his neck. He quickly turned and let out a sharp yelp in agony was Sera pointed and laughed in another fit of giggles; Josh couldn’t help giggling as Cullen reached for the snow and by mistake pushed it deeper into the crevice between his armor and his neck. Cassandra could not keep a straight face either. She too burst out laughing until Cullen saw the elf throw snow at the Seeker. He snapped back to reality when Josh tossed him with a ball of snow and ran away from him as he growled loudly. He saw the giddy elf running away from Cassandra in a fit of even more laughter, her pants were beginning to fall off, so every few steps she had to pull them back up.

“You! I am going to kill you Sera!” Cassandra cried.

“Try me, Lady Seeker. You’re a shite runner! I know slugs faster than you!” Sera teased as she dropped her pants, giving everyone an eyeful as she wriggled her hips. Cullen scowled and then grabbed a handful of snow as he ran and aimed for Josh’s head. He missed and cursed as he gave chase.

Unbeknownst to the Seeker, Vivienne and a few others were coming to see what all the noise was about. Cassandra threw a snowball and the elven rogue jumped out of the way and resumed running, it struck true, hitting the dark skinned mage in the face.

Cullen and Josh dodged by the angry Court Enchanter, giggling inwardly as the mage approached Cassandra. He was too engrossed in the madness to ensue, that he failed to see Joshua shove even more snow down his armor.

Before the mage could move, Cullen dragged him down to the cold snow and growled loudly as he pinned the Knight-Enchanter down. He managed to hear the mage yelp as he wrestled the mage to keep him still.

Josh was smaller than Cullen, much smaller. So it wasn’t too hard for the former templar to keep him still, however the mage was quite spirited in his attempts to break free. It took an hour of wrestling and fighting each other’s arms and legs until the mage was exhausted and sighed deeply. He stopped struggling and looked at the Commander as the blonde moved closer to the mage and grinned, quite pleased with how he bested the Herald of Andraste.

It was only when he realized how close he was to the mage, merely inches away from his lips that he stopped in mid movement. He looked at Josh and saw tanned cheeks that reddened immensely as they stared at each other, half shocked and half intrigued by how they got to being so close. Cullen felt his own cheeks and ears flush with warmth. His palms were beginning to sweat profusely as a strange heat filled him.

The mage then closed his eyes and his cheeks reddened further. Cullen caught himself considering stroking the mage’s cheek but he decided against it when he saw that Josh was afraid of him.  He saw how the mage breathed erratically and forced his eyes shut.

“Did I-I hurt you, Joshua?”

The mage shook his head. Cullen felt his heart drop in that moment. He knew that Josh was putting up a façade. He wanted Josh to be open and honest with him, not to hide how he really felt but the mage seemed to be afraid to do such with the Commander. Cullen briefly considered if he really was that imposing to others.

“Oh…um…” The former knight-commander stammered as he realized that he was too close to the mage. He lifted himself from the mage and found that he too was tired. He looked about and saw that the snowball fight was over but most of everyone was lying about in groups of worn-out muscle. He rolled onto his back and settled beside the mage. He looked up at the sky and saw the stars twinkling above and grinned. “It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?”

“Huh…?”

“I-I mean…I…” Cullen stuttered as he turned and looked at the mage. He let out a small giggle when he was that Josh had fallen asleep with his mouth open, his hands curled around himself as if hugging an imaginary person as he slept peacefully. “…like you.”

The Commander turned himself onto his side and took a moment to watch Josh. He nodded to himself as he took Josh into his arms and carried him back to the Herald’s cabin. As he left, he saw one of Leliana’s scouts helping the tired people back into Haven along with Sera and the Iron Bull. The scout, a clumsy fool named Jim, looked at him slack jawed but the elf and qunari had naughty looks on their faces as they watched. Cullen didn’t give a damn.

He could not understand how Josh could love a broken templar like him, but he didn’t care. Josh was a good friend of his. He cared about the mage.

 

\---

 

Joshua found himself back in his room after a nightmare. He was being chased by giant spiders in the Fade. Luckily, the wolf came to his aid when he became too tired to defend himself. He made a mental note to thank the great white wolf the next time they crossed paths in the realm of dreams and magic.

He didn’t remember going back to his room after the snowball war, in fact- most of everyone involved were too tired to move. He just collapsed into a bundle of flesh and muscle as exhaustion washed over his body. He remembered someone whispering to him with warm breaths at his cheek and his body being cradled until he felt his bed underneath his back. And then the door closed.

The Knight-Enchanter rose from his bed after hearing the chantry bell toll five times. He was used to waking up very early because of one of his old duties as First Enchanter: To make sure the apprentices were still asleep until the bell tolled seven times. He fetched some clean water from outside, and then washed up before pulling on his blue and silver Knight-Enchanter armor. He fastened his staff to his back and stepped outside.

Haven was quiet but for a few townspeople and Leliana’s couriers. Several greeted him and he nodded in response as he moved to the tavern. Inside it was largely empty but for Felissa and Maryden, who sang  _Sera Was Never_. Luckily, the elf was fast asleep in her room, so the minstrel was safe for the moment. He ordered and paid for some salted beef, bread and wine from Felissa and placed himself in at a corner table as he waited for his food. When it arrived, he dug into it and mused over the horrible food served at the Circle. It needed some more food like the taverns. Hearty meals to make the mages and templars feel at home instead of feeling like prisoners and jailers respectively.

As he swallowed the last of his meal, he heard a brief noise. He looked up at the seat opposite him and there sat Cole. Compassion watched silently as the mage downed the wine and shot him a curious look.

“What’s on your mind, Cole?”

“He carried you back, last night. You think he doesn’t care about you. He does.” The Spirit of Compassion said as he looked into Josh’s green eyes.

“Cullen?”

“Yes…” Cole said with a brief nod. “ _Strong willed and powerful- How could he love me…An ex-templar? Forbidden but sweet on chapped lips, in a dream born haze, fingers touch a scar. Writhing in pain. Always in pain. It’s getting worst- I don’t know how to feel anymore. I don’t know anymore_.” The spirit said as he rocked back and forth.

“ _Secrets and lies-_  A pearl of misery on his chest.  _Do I tell him the truth? How-_ ”

 “I don’t think I should be hearing this, Cole.” The Knight-Enchanter rasped as he flushed a deep shade of red.

“His pain touches yours. He cares. That’s all that matters.”

 “It’s not that simple, Cole.” The youth said as Felissa took the empty plate and flagon to the kitchen. The spirit looked at him from under his hat with confused eyes.

“I don’t understand it. You love him. He loves you. But you both hurt inside. Is that what it means to be human?” Cole asked in a low voice. The Knight-Enchanter nodded but quickly flushed red when he realized what the spirit said. He didn’t notice Sera approach from beside him.

“He  _loves_  me?” He muttered out loud in confusion. Cole was gone.

“Who loves you?” Sera asked as she slid into the seat Cole occupied. She shot him a haughty grin. “Been talking to  _it_  haven’t you?”

“Cole.”

“Cole-smole. Don’t care. Bad news but he’s right. Commander’s in  _loooooove_. Tucked you right in. That’s good innit? You’ll smile more now?” The archer inquired as she waved down Felissa and ordered two chicken pies, which came shortly, piping hot fresh from the kitchen. “Shite, I’m starvin’ to my bones.”

“How do you know how he feels?” Josh asked almost too afraid to but longing to hear the answer. However, the elf lifted her hand to silence him. The knight-enchanter watched as she wolfed down both pies. He wasn’t sure where any of it ended up. She was still fit as a fiddle. She leaned forward as if to whisper in his ear. The mage leaned in to hear.

_Cullen and Josh_

_Sittin’ in a tree_

_K-I-S-S-I-N-G_

The elf began to chant into his ear. Josh felt his cheeks light on fire as he moved away from her with a scowl.

“This is serious Sera.”

“I know innit? ‘Coz he kissed you! On your cheek! Eww!” She winched.

Josh looked at her in confusion. He wasn’t sure whether to believe her or not but she looked at him with a seriousness in her gaze that he never saw before.

“You’re kidding.”

“Nah, Herald, its true! Ask Bull!” She said excitedly as she pointed to the qunari warrior who had just entered with Krem and the rest of The Chargers behind him. He let out a thunderous laugh as he raised a flagon from Felissa.

“Not the way I thought it would happen but I’m happy for you, Boss.” The Iron Bull said with a brief chuckle.

The Knight-Enchanter looked like he was going to hurl. His head spun and his heart raced as Sera looked at him with concern.

“You alright, you?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Cullen. Cullen  _straight-as-an-arrow_  Rutherford kissed me and I was asleep?”

“Yeah…well.” Iron Bull grimaced. “At least you know he’s interested.”

“Yeah…”

“Bull just said that.”

“I know.” Joshua said in utter disbelief. He wasn’t sure what to think anymore. Did Cullen like him more than just friends? What about his rejection? What happened to that? Josh couldn’t think straight, His mind was clouded by the possibility that he could be with the Commander and for once he smiled, for real.

“Need to throw balls around more often…Wait- that came out wrong. Not into that crap. Don’t get any ideas Bull.” Sera giggled, the warrior placed a huge hand on her petite shoulder as he burst out laughing.

“Never.” The qunari warrior said with a grin on his face as he watched the Knight-Enchanter rise from his seat and leave.

The Knight-Enchanter had decided that he needed some time alone. He excused himself from the others and ventured out into the countryside surrounding Haven, just past Master Taigen’s old cabin. The wild rams and druffalos didn’t seem to be bothered by his presence, just as well. He wasn’t good company at the moment. Too much on his mind- So he meditated as Lydia taught him to. He sat on the snow, leaning back against a tree and closed his eyes. What came next was something Cullen didn’t expect as he followed Josh into the wilderness. He sang.

 

_Blessed are they who stand before_

_The corrupt and the wicked and do not falter._

_Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just._

_Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow._

_In their blood the Maker’s will is written._

He didn’t hear the commander’s footfalls approach. He was startled when he heard the blonde clear his throat and tread closer to where he was seated.

“That was…beautiful.” Cullen said with a brief smile on his face. Joshua however felt like a nug caught under the watchful gaze of a dalish hunter. He shook his head in disbelief as Cullen slid down next to him and leaned again the tree, their shoulder plates meeting.

“ _Beautiful_  doesn’t get a man married or children, Commander.”

“Is that what your parents told you?”

The mage remained silent but soon nodded. He figured it was time to be honest with the commander. Cullen was someone he trusted. Aside from Solas and Cole, perhaps even Sera, there was no one else he’d actually want to spend time with. Not counting his sister. She was head over heels in love with the elven Fade expert. Josh found it endearing.

“Back in Ostwick’s circle, there was a templar I fancied. He didn’t really notice me until he was assigned to deliver the killing blow if my Harrowing failed. Luckily, I didn’t so we got to know each other during my study breaks. I slipped a love note to him once. My parents caught wind of it and my…inclinations and they got rid of him. They ruined his reputation; made him get transferred to a less sedate Circle. Last I heard he was killed by a blood mage- a girl I thought I knew- a girl I trusted. Hardest I ever cried. I became the First Enchanter at everyone’s behest and I vowed to find my own way. I became vocal and my family…disowned me.” The Herald said as he inhaled deeply. His eyes watered but he forced himself not to cry. He couldn’t show Cullen any weaknesses. He couldn’t show Cullen how hard he had fallen for the handsome ex-templar. “They disowned me, but I still had to uphold the name. There was no running away from my blood.”

Cullen nodded slowly, a low apology on his lips as Josh stared ahead. The mage had so much on his mind, he wanted to shout and scream in happiness and yet he wanted to hide away and never return.

 “Ugh. This isn’t fair.” Joshua grumbled as he turned to the Commander who he caught staring at his angular jaw. “You kissed me and you told me that you couldn’t be anything more than friends with me. I don’t understand all this. What are you playing at?”

The commander noticeably flushed and began to stutter. He brought a hand to his neck and let out a brief sigh as he looked into green eyes.

“Playing at?” Cullen stammered in an adorable voice that made the Knight-Enchanter’s heart flutter. “I’m not! I…I…care about you.”

Josh looked at the man with wide eyes. Cullen admitted it. He cared about the Knight-Enchanter and knowing that made the youth’s heart pound in his chest as he smiled to himself, blushing and avoiding eye contact with the Commander lest he collapse into a puddle of hopelessly romantic mush.

Unfortunately, the sonorous war-council horn sounded. It was time to discuss the orders of the day and get the allies needed to close the Breach in the sky. Both men hurried back to the war room, looking rather flustered and were met by Alara, Cassandra, Cole, Dorian, Leliana and Josephine. The ambassador gave Leliana a knowing look as they grinned at each other then at the two late comers. Then the meeting began.

At first, an argument broke out as to whether it was necessary to seek out the mages aid, to which Leliana explained that a foreign Tevinter power with a foothold in Ferelden would cause alarm if it was left as it was and she was right. Without the Arl of Redcliffe on his seat, it would cause dissent and chaos to spread and it was probably the intention of the Venatori to cause such.

Dorian opted to leave with Alara for Recliffe castle as she was formally invited by Alexius for negotiations. Leliana was convinced that it was a trap and Cullen refused to allow her to go until Joshua stepped in, ever searching for a compromise.

“Wait- The nobility aren’t foolish. They build to protect themselves. I remember my family Estate; we had escape routes for every floor of that huge mansion in case of invasions, fires…whatever that could befall a noble house. There has to be one for this castle too. I know it.” The Knight-Enchanter said as he leaned over the table and pointed to one of Leliana’s raven markers.

She remained silent for a brief moment until her eyes lit up. Her lips curled into a grin and she nodded.

“Yes…during the Fifth Blight, Warden Neria found a cellar in a windmill that was connected directly to the castle dungeons. Its halls are thin and it would be hard to fight there, but if they still exist I could sneak in some agents. We give Alexius the envoy he wants then strike when the time is right.” The advisors nodded in agreement. Alara let out a breath of relief.

“ _Ma serannas_. I was afraid it was just going to be me alone…” The elf stammered as she wiped a bead of sweat from her brow.

“My dear, you’ll have me at your side. I’ll protect you.” Dorian purred as he sent a wink the younger Herald’s way. She nodded in thanks as the Seeker shook her head in amusement.

“Just to be safe, Blackwall, Solas and Varric will go with you. There’s no telling what could go wrong when magisters play around with time magic.” She said with a glare Dorian’s way. He scoffed and looked the other way.

The meeting turned to Therinfal Redoubt and Cole became agitated. He appeared suddenly on the war table and he pointed to the map marker where the fortress was.

“What is it, Cole?” Joshua mouthed as the young man rocked and spoke in a monotone.

“ _Lies and whispers. Duty. Deceit. Despair. They give us the Red. They say the Blue is scarce but I know the truth. They feed us the Red to keep us leashed- To turn us into monsters. Oh Maker. It hurts_.  _Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!! I don’t want to-_ ”

“Maker’s breath!” Cullen shouted with horror in his eyes and voice.

“Red Lyrium.” Joshua and Cassandra mouthed at the same time, giving each other concerned glances from cross the table.

Josephine took the chance to relay her plan to everyone: Gather noble allies from Val Royeaux and then march to the fortress. Evacuate the area once the Inquisition has a foothold inside and help the templars to banish Envy.

“I’m not too keen on this plan. What if something befalls the Herald? Envy isn’t Rage or Desire. Not even  _Pride_.” The Commander said. His emphasis on Pride made Joshua give him an askew glance. Cullen let out a sigh as Leliana glared at him. “Envy is elusive. I just ask that Joshua be extra vigilant. I would hate to lose a friend to that blasted demon.”

“We’re friends? When did that happen?” Joshua feint shock much to Josephine’s amusement; she passed a note to Leliana who giggled for a brief moment, then regained her composure- earning a glare from the taciturn Seeker.

“Apparently; while you slept, Herald.” He affirmed sheepishly, to which the young man smiled.

 

\---

 

“Coward!” Joshua cried as he raced up the stairs to the Great Hall of the fortress. Cassandra tried to grab his hand but he broke free and continued upward towards the Lord Seeker. Vivienne and Cassandra let out a gasp, Bull shouted and Sera screamed his name as Josh found himself being ripped forward by the Lord Seeker into the closed doors. He braced himself for impact but it never came. Instead he was face down in dirt and grass. He lifted his head carefully, rose his feet and took in his surroundings.

He was inside a hall with walls of stone behind him and soil at his feet. Dark green smoke danced about and filled his lungs with an overwhelming urge to throw up, but he never did.

A door to his left opened up as Leliana walked inside. Her blue eyes fixed on the Knight-Enchanter as she circled him with a dagger in her hand.

“Does this form please you?” The demon asked in the bard’s voice. It moved about the room, dagger still in its grasp. “Being the Lord Seeker was fun, but I’d wager being you would entertain me more, wouldn’t you agree Herald? I will be you. You’ll enjoy it.”

“I do not fear you, Envy.” Joshua growled as he drew his spirit blade and rushed at the fake spymaster. As he was about to reach her, Leliana dissipated into the green mist. He stopped in his tracks and he heard an unintelligible, disembodied voice speak seemingly from everywhere yet nowhere at all.

“The Tranquil never disobey.” A voice spoke behind him. He turned to see the Commander. Cullen stood in his armor with his sword at hip and shield on his back. He gave the Knight-Enchanter a grin that made the youth falter. “How can you?”

 _Tranquil?_   _That isn’t right. Don’t listen! He’s-_ Joshua heard a voice in the back of his mind. It was familiar but distant and soon died down.

“I am not Tranquil, demon!”

“Whatever you say, Tranquil; I will know you.” A sweeter voice spoke. A lithe, elven form made her way to the Commander and unsheathed his blade. Joshua watched in disbelief as Alara brought the blade to Cullen’s neck and she smirked. “Observe.”

The Knight-Enchanter sunk to his knees and his eyes welled up with tears as metal met flesh. Blood dripped down the Commander’s neck and fell to the ground as he slumped over onto his side like a sack of potatoes. His eyes fixed on Joshua.

 _Don’t look_. The familiar voice spoke again, this time slightly closer than before.

“I  _will_  know you.” Fake-Alara giggled as she walked past the distraught youth with a swagger in her gait. She disappeared into the mist and Joshua was forced to look into the dead eyes of Commander Cullen. He knew it wasn’t real, but it felt real- pain throbbed in his marked hand and in his heart as he ripped his gaze away from the eyes of the man he fell deeply in love with.

 _I will kill you for this_. Joshua snarled to himself as he got back to his feet, gave Fake-Cullen’s corpse one last look, and then moved through the mad world he was stuck inside. At every corner, Envy hounded him with visions of himself as a commander serving an entity called The Elder One. In them, he served willingly as he cut down the Inquisition’s member’s one by one. He rooted out the stigma against magic and watched as he cut Cullen down with his own hands.

He unraveled the end-game of The Elder One, due to the demon’s incessant probing and love of the sound of its own voice. It revealed that Empress Celene was going to be assassinated by an agent of the Venatori and that Orlais would fall to chaos by the hands of a massive demon army that Joshua himself commanded.

 _Not you. Envy._  The voice inside his head corrected him.

The Knight-Enchanter nodded to himself as he moved through the hellish world.  _Yes…Envy_.

Joshua remembered pouring over tomes on Demonology at the Ostwick Circle of Magi once he became First Enchanter. He was tasked by the Knight Commander to familiarize himself with every demon variant that existed in case a situation arose where action would need to be taken against abominations. The Templars didn’t want a repeat of what happened at Kinloch Hold- Abominations abound killing innocents and Templars alike. As First Enchanter, it would be his duty to ensure the Circle remained sedate, until Grand Enchanter Fiona dissolved the Circles and the templars declared everyone as apostates.

 _Yes. Don’t forget._  He heard the voice getting closer.

The youth remembered Envy: The impersonator. A demon who wears a mask made from the perception of its victim. It watched, lurking in the victims mind to glean whatever it could to create its façade. It would masquerade and kill the victim.

 _Kill the victim_. But he was still alive…

It was still learning. There was time yet to search, to learn more of the demon that wanted to be him.

Joshua navigated the myriad of chantry halls laid before him until he came across a hidden, grotesque statue with impossible lines and features. His mind immediately eased as he remembered the sketches in the book he read. It was  _Envy’s Dogma_ : A means of understanding the demon to overpower it from within. He found two more, deeper within the labyrinth and with them he understood the demon’s ways. It was like a child probing at a spider with a stick, drawing out reactions but not knowing the exact meaning.

It tried to imitate the Knight-Enchanter and it worked. The demon had the youth’s lean figure and head full of dark-blonde hair. It spoke in his raspy, resonant voice but it lacked emotion. Its words were empty. It lacked self. It knew the tables had been turned and he felt a familiar presence beside him as a barrier of fire blocked their way into the war room.

“Glad to have you back, Cole.” The mage said with a slight bow the spirit’s way.

“You are too much for him. He doesn’t like your  _muchness_.” Cole said as he moved through the fire unhindered and unburned. “Think of ice.”

And the Herald did. Briefly the fires died down as ice cascaded from the ceiling, creating a sheet of snow where the wall of fire was. Cole opened the door and Joshua heard a voice he didn’t expect saying things he didn’t understand. He stood at the door as the vision came to pass.

“He was Tranquil!?" The former templar half-shouted in horror. Leliana nodded. And Joshua felt his blood curdle as the spymaster continued.

"I suspect that he doesn't even know it. And we must keep it that way." The spymaster said solemnly. The others agreed reluctantly. Cullen at first protested with a mortified look until Cassandra interjected.

“If the rogue templars or even the mages knew, he would be in danger. Worst yet is that he’s unstable because he broke Tranquility. If we set him off, he may turn against us and I would not blame him. For now, we have to ensure his safety, body and mind. After we seal The Breach, we will tell him.”

“I came to help you. But they’re hurting you. It hurts them too.” Cole stammered as he heard the spirit cry, his hair and hat hiding the tears rolling down pale cheeks. He pointed to Cullen. “Look.”

Joshua saw it then; the agony in the commander’s eyes as everyone else agreed to keep the secret. Cullen looked beside himself as he reluctantly agreed and Joshua felt a burst of power as he raced into the room with the Litany of Adralla on his lips, dispelling the illusion. Envy; in the Commander’s form, ran up stairs to a familiar door. It came to a stop once at the apex of the flight of stairs. Fake-Cullen turned slowly as he shot a lustful stare the Knight-Enchanter’s way but Joshua defied him.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” It spoke in Cullen’s rough voice.

“Save it, Envy. You sought to know me. But instead, I grew to know _you,_ demon _._ ” Joshua hissed as Cole appeared beside the fake-commander. The demon let out a yelp as Cole plunged a dagger into its arm, effectively pinning it to the door. The mage approached with a frown on his face with his spirit blade drawn.  “I am more than Tranquil. I am too much. I am your end.”

“ _Lies upon lies! I am helping! This is my purpose!_   _Lies!_  I was like you. Cold and uncaring; I learned to help; to become more. You only hurt!” Cole screamed as he drove his other dagger into Envy’s flailing arm. The demon was fixed to the door and shouted at the Spirit of Compassion.

“ _YOU! GET OUT OF MY_ -“

“Shut. Up.” Joshua grimaced as he plunged his blade deep and found himself inside the Great Hall, his back to the ground, the lifeless corpse of Envy leaning over him with it four arms outstretched like the limbs of a spider and his spirit blade deep inside it’s chest cavity. He kicked the corpse aside and watched as Cassandra looked at him with relief when she reached the doors with the others in tow.

“Andraste’s mercy!” She spouted as she looked at the demon’s body and the blood covering the Herald and the ground.

“”Shite! Demon shite! Ack! Blood on my boots! Eww!” Sera noticeably cringed when she saw it and started acting out her fear of demons. Vivienne gave Joshua an approving nod and Bull slapped a hand onto his shoulder.

“Nice job, Boss.” The giant of a man said with a grin on his gray lips. “Next time, leave it to us. Don’t want to feel like we’re just here for show.”

Joshua told everyone to split up. Bull would go with Sera and Vivienne to the east while Cassandra and the Knight-Enchanter would go to the west to seek out veterans still alive and not taking red lyrium, then take down the Red Templars that remained. Aided by Inquisition soldiers, both groups returned with about seven veterans of the order and evidence that confirmed Joshua’s visions from Envy. The assassination would happen and the demon army would be made.

“What happens now? We are few but we will help close the Breach, if that is your desire, Herald of Andraste.” Ser Barris, one of the only templars who received the Inquisition with open arms said as he and the rest of the remaining knights kneeled. Cassandra gave Joshua a bemused look as the Knight-Enchanter spoke. Even Vivienne winched.

“You will help, but not as The Order. Fall in line with the rest of the Inquisition. The Templars are no more.”

“What?” The Seeker hissed as the knights arose from the ground and Barris resigned himself and the others to become conscripts of the Inquisition.

“I…If that is your will, Knight-Enchanter. We will obey.” Barris said as the former templars filed out of the fortress towards Haven.

Cassandra was not happy at all. Neither was Vivienne. Sera and Bull had mixed feelings but Joshua didn’t care. He saved the templars from their own stupidity and he…found out what he truly was. He didn’t care about what anyone thought anymore.

 

\---

 

Upon Josh’s arrival  at Haven, Cullen was shocked to see the templars approaching without their standard but still clad in their armor. The Mages from Redcliffe noticeably tensed up when they saw the templars. Grand Enchanter Fiona appeared from a tent near the entrance and pointed her staff to Ser Barris and the others who drew their weapons. Alara rushed out from the village and placed herself between the two groups on the verge of battle.

“Please now, there’s no need for violence!” She begged as Solas stood at her side, shielding her from the angry glares of the Templars.

Everyone began to argue at once. Josephine tried her best to diffuse the situation to no avail so Leliana asked her agents to be ready to intervene if she gave the signal and Cullen kept his soldiers ready, just in case a fight broke out. But the Commander saw fire in the youth. Josh moved to the middle of the crowd and let out a snarl as he intervened.

“Enough!”

“But why are they h-“

“Andraste’s arse, I SAID ENOUGH!” The Knight-Enchanter roared. His voice carried in the air and everyone became silent. Cullen for once saw a very different side to Josh: A fiery, firm passionate side that he liked. “I am going to close The Breach with or without your fucking help. You can stand here like fools and lash out at each other like the sky. I don’t care. There’s a hole in The Veil and I intend to fix it!”

At that moment, the Mark flared up and he sunk to his knees in pain whilst clutching his palm, yelling in pain. Alara and Cullen moved to support him, but he pulled away from the Commander’s grasp and waved off his sister. Solas stepped forward and helped him back to his feet. Everyone watched him persevere against the pain with a scowl on his face, in utter silence as Cullen’s heart was wounded by rejection: The mage would accept an Elven apostate’s help but not the Commander’s.

“Decide what you want: Stay and help or leave and be hunted by The Inquisition; your choice.” The Knight-Enchanter sneered with venom as he retired to his cabin with the elven apostate’s help. Cullen helped Barris and his men to the Chantry but deep down he was confused. The Josh that left for Therinfal Redoubt and the Josh that returned was not the same man, but Cullen still considered him his friend- even if Josh didn’t consider him as such.


	3. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With celebrations and merriment abound, what came next was nothing Cullen had prepared for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this while listening to Moving Mountains (Invincible) by Two Steps From Hell

Cullen found himself worrying over the fate of the mages as Alara told them that her brother would decide their fate. The Seeker told him that Joshua had decided to dissolve The Order and conscript the remaining, sane members. A bold choice and one that Cullen wasn’t sure how to receive.

On one hand, the Templars had been misusing the Rite of Tranquility to instill fear amongst the mages- he was no stranger to templars misusing the power that the Chantry gave them; he saw it firsthand in Kirkwall, however, on the other hand the Templar Order was a necessary evil to keep magic in check. However much Cassandra hated his decision, Cullen saw that she had a glimmer in her eyes as she spoke about his actions at Therinfal Redoubt that made the older Herald seem utterly romanticized. She clearly respected him and thus she respected his decision.

The younger Herald explained what happened at Redcliffe castle to the Seeker and it made Cullen cringe. Josh had fought Envy alone but Alara was thrown into the future by Alexius, a future where Red Lyrium was in Redcliffe Castle and the Breach was everywhere. Luckily, Dorian was able to counter the magic and got them safely back to the present.

Grand Enchanter Fiona stood beside former templar Barris as they waited to hear what Joshua had to say after his prescribed rest by Solas. The mental battle with Envy had left him exhausted of mana and it made his Mark act out accordingly as the Commander watched silently as the Grand Enchanter grew impatient and barked.

“I must admit. I didn’t expect to see you again, Joshua. As an avid Loyalist, you were never one to understand the concerns of the rest of the mages while you ruled in your  _sedate_ tower in Ostwick.” The older elven woman said with a scoff as she stared down the Knight-Enchanter. He chuckled to himself as he looked over at Barris and Cullen who gave both gave him a confused look. The former Knight-Commander cursed to himself. This Josh seemed to be more resilient and tough but at the same time, he seemed…disturbed by something.

“I am no longer a Loyalist, dearest Fiona. In fact I have an offer for you. The Templars have already accepted.” Joshua said in a smooth voice as he turned to Cassandra, who nodded in approval. “The mages will remain free but only if you allow the templars to supervise you.”

“That makes no sense, Herald! It’s the same as before!”

“Grand Enchanter, hear him out.” Alara pleaded. The older elf gave in when Leliana glared at her and listened.

“ _We, The_   _Inquisition will ensure the safety of the mages and the templars. We will seal the Breach together and we will overcome The Elder One together_. We are all equals now, but only if you accept. Ser Barris will be in charge of overseeing martial training with Cullen and you will oversee the magical training along with myself and Solas. We need to work together now, Grand Enchanter. The Maker would not want us to fight while evil approaches unopposed. Would you truly ascertain yourself as an equal to Andraste? Or even the Maker? Do not be foolish.” Cullen realized that Joshua was playing on her good nature. She was a staunch do-gooder and she would do what’s right. He saw the Grand-Enchanter sigh and look over at the advisors with an unsure glance at first until she glanced back at Joshua and nodded.

“…Fine.  _We the rebel mages set down our standard- From now until the Inquisition is dissolved; we the rebel mages shall help combat The Elder One with the help of the former-templars_.  _They will stand as our protectors and we will stand as theirs._ ” Fiona spoke as she extended her hand to the dark-blonde Knight-Enchanter, who garnered a grin from most everyone in the room once he shook her hand. Cullen let out a sigh of relief as it happened, he shot a grin at Joshua but the Knight-Enchanter seemed to have missed it entirely.

Fiona and Barris shook hands with each other then left the war room to give the good news to the templars and mages. They also made preparations to close the Breach later that night; it seemed Joshua was eager to get it over with.

“See? That wasn’t so hard now was it?” Joshua said as he sent a wink Cassandra’s way. The seeker let out an exasperated groan, making the Commander chuckle inwardly. The only other person who managed to make Cassandra make noises like that was Varric.

“Were you serious about hunting them down if they didn’t stay to help?” Josephine asked with a grim expression. The Knight-Enchanter gave her a smile as he leaned onto the war-table.

“Dead serious, Lady Montilyet; I didn’t survive an Envy Demon and my sister didn’t take a jaunt through time just to have the mages and templars fight themselves to death.”

“I’m impressed with the way you’ve handled the situation, Joshua. This…is good.” Leliana said with a wink Cullen’s way. He blushed as she continued, trying his best to hide his excitement at Joshua’s return. “We were eagerly awaiting your return. Some of us more than others.”

 _Damn you, Leliana._ The Commander thought to himself as he sent a glare her way. She merely giggled as she ushered Alara, Cassandra and Josephine outside and closed the door. Cullen could hear the women giggling as their footsteps moved away.

“I…I was…worried. Envy isn’t just a demon- so I…uh…I prayed for your safe return.” The Commander stammered as he moved around the war table and looked into Joshua’s forest green eyes. “I admit…I was worried that…you might not return.”

Cullen was about to continue when Joshua raised a hand to silence him. The same hand took the Commander’s and for a moment he relished the feel of Joshua’s marked hand in his own hand. It was just right- like it belonged there.

“I appreciate your concern but I have to stop you right there, Cullen.” The younger man said as pulled away and the Commander looked at him perplexed. “This…I don’t know what this is, but it needs to end- Now.”

The former templar let out a whimper like a wounded dog. He watched as Joshua turned to leave.

“Why?”

“Because it’s complicated…and I really don’t want to get into it right now.” Joshua rasped as he left the Commander to his own devices.

For the first time since Kinloch Hold, he felt his heart break. The first time was by the hands of Neria Surana, the object of his affections but a lover of women, not men. He took it with stride and got over her once he was transferred to Kirkwall. Women came and went but he never dated or fell in love. Not until he met Joshua.

He didn’t understand why Josh ended their friendship with such ease. He didn’t even shed tears. Joshua was a far cry from the youth they pulled from ruins of The Temple of Sacred Ashes; Envy must have affected deeply him somehow because this Joshua was witty and cold at the same time compared to the kind and gentle Joshua he grew to love.

While the Knight-Enchanter was out with Varric, Cole and Blackwall in the Fallow Mire for most of the day, Cullen decided to approach Alara and Solas in his free time. He remembered that Blackwall said that Solas was a good listener and he gave sound advice, so he explained his predicament as blush covered his ears and neck. The elves remained silent until he finished.

“Commander, I believe that Joshua loves you. This is simple: He’s afraid.  _Something_ happened during his battle with Envy. It changed him. Truly, no one would leave a fight with such a monster without emotional scars.” Solas said as he cringed and Alara nodded in agreement. Inwardly, Cullen agreed as well- he was still scarred by what happened in Kinloch Hold. 

“Give him some time,  _ma falon_.” The red haired keeper said as she put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and gave Solas a naughty look, his face turned beet red as she chuckled to herself. “Love always prevails.”

 

\---

 

Everyone was assembled. The time had come to close the Breach.

“This madness ends now!” Cassandra affirmed as Cullen pointed his sword to the Heralds approaching the river of green reaching up to the tear in the sky.

“Templars! Focus your strength on the Herald!” He shouted as he watched the templars one by one knelt as a light radiated from them and the air filled with the pants of men and women in the service of the Chantry. He turned to Solas who nodded, then pointed his staff to Fiona and her mages.

“Focus on the Heralds! Let their will be yours!” The elven apostate hissed as he lifted his staff. Cullen heard Fiona and her mages grunt as they knelt too and magic filled the area.

Cullen saw Joshua take his sister’s left hand in his right hand as they walked into the green glow of the rift. Together, they lifted their marked hands skyward.

From their palms emitted a bright green light that swirled about the Breach. It intensified as the templars began their prayers and the mages began their incantations. The Heralds reached ever to the sky as more and more light emitted from their marks. Cullen watched in awe as the light twisted and made its journey to the Breach- until he heard Joshua cry out in pain as the Knight-Enchanter pushed harder against the Breach. The Commander moved to intervene but Cassandra stopped him with her hands.

“We cannot interfere without endangering them both.” The Seeker said with a snarl as she pointed. “Alara is strong enough to help him. But do you see? He’s taking on her burden- As an older brother should; as a leader should.”

Cullen saw the look Josh gave Alara. It was one of pure love for his foster sister. He would do anything for her and the Commander felt it: Jealousy. He wanted Josh to look at him the same way, to look at him with satisfaction and happiness and it tore into Cullen’s mind that he couldn’t understand his feelings for Josh. Why in the world did he feel jealous of Alara of all people?

Joshua let out a roar as he pushed even harder, his mark pulsing with magic; a burst of light and power erupted and knocked everyone off their feet. Cullen quickly got to his feet and looked at the sky. It was scarred but the Breach was sealed. His eyes scanned the area for Joshua. He saw the siblings in a tight embrace as Cassandra pulled them apart and helped them back to their feet. He wanted to help them as well, but thought against it when he remembered how Josh rebuked him in Haven.

“We- We did it brother!” Alara cried out as she hugged him and leapt into Solas’ arms. The fade expert confirmed that the Breach was sealed, all the while blushing as the keeper clung to his chest. Cullen nodded to himself in that moment. He wanted to be happy like Alara was with Solas. He wanted to have someone in his life that he could speak to when his burdens became too much, someone he could hold when he felt like he was falling apart. In the deepest recesses of his heart, Cullen entertained the idea of being with Josh and he actually liked the idea. Perhaps too much, but it would not happen- not at the present state of their relationship.

Everyone let out a hearty cheer and he saw Joshua give him a sad look between all the happiness and tears of joy being shed. The Herald looked out of place.

 

 ---

 

Cullen was in his tent signing off last minute orders when he heard Maryden sing  _Empress of Fire_ from the roof of the tavern. He held back a smirk as he peeked outside for a brief moment and watched as mages and templars danced together, celebrating their victory. The inner circle reveled in the joyous occasion.

He noticed however that Sera was missing. The Red Jenny was usually performing pranks or some other kind of trouble but strangely, she was nowhere to be seen.

In addition, he remembered the weird spirit-boy-thing that Joshua had befriended in Therinfal Redoubt. What was its name? Cole. He expected it to be hanging about but it too was gone.

But what troubled him was Cassandra. She claimed that Joshua was feeling ill an hour ago and that the Commander should check up on him at his cabin. Cullen was about to object but the Seeker remained adamant. He resigned himself to check up on the Knight-Enchanter. Cassandra was blunt like a druffalo but she meant well.

Dodging a few merry dancers, Cullen made his way into the village towards the cabin in question. Its shutters were closed so Josh probably didn’t want company; least of all Cullen’s but the Commander forced his way to the door. If he didn’t check on the youth, Cassandra would carry on and he wouldn’t hear the end of it until a new divine was elected.

He knocked at the door tentatively and waited. No reply. He knocked again.

“Josh? It’s Cullen. Are you alright?”

There was still no reply.

Cullen cursed to himself as he brought his hand to the handle of the door and pushed. Surprisingly, it opened with much ease but the sight inside the candle lit room made Cullen’s heart sink.

 All of the Knight-Enchanter’s possessions were packed up and gone. The bed was neatly made and the table and cabinets left empty. There was a note impaled with a dagger on the wall beside the door. Cullen pulled out the dagger and began to read. His heart broke in the same breath.

 

                                                       ---

 

        _I know what I am. And I can’t work with people I do not trust. Now you have your reason, Commander. Consider this my…resignation from the Inquisition. By the Dread Wolf I trusted you, Cullen…_

_\--Joshua--_

_\---_

_I came to help. But you all hurt him. I can’t help you. The silence is too much for the noise. Make the music again._

_\--Cole--_

_\---_

_You piss-bucket of arses! I hate you all. He was nice and good, yeah? But you broke him! Shite-bags! Ugh! My friends are not yours anymore; and you…Cullen-Wullen. I hope you sit on an arrow. You deserve it. You dog you!_

_\--Madame Vivvy’s Fat-Arse--_

                                                       ---

 

Cullen’s hands shook. Joshua knew. Cole knew. Sera knew. Soon everyone would, but that wasn’t the problem. Josh and the others were gone.

He moved quickly towards Leliana, who was singing along with Maryden. He waved her down and she jumped down the roof with little effort and took the note from him.

“Of all the- We need to find him!” She shouted as she ran after a dancing Charter, who despite being drunk, managed to pull together a group of scouts to search with Argent. However, before they could leave, Maryden stopped singing and pointed in the distance as the town’s bell was being rung with reckless abandon. Everyone moved inside the village and shut the doors while Cullen approached and rallied the soldiers. Fiona rallied her mages into the archery line and Barris and his men formed up at the front along with the Commander’s forces and Rylen.

“There’s an army approaching down the mountain!” Charter shouted with sweat dripping down her forehead.

“Under what banner?!” Josephine, ever the diplomat wanted to use reason and words to combat the unknown foes approaching.

“None, Lady Montilyet!”

“N-None?” Alara stammered until they heard the doors get battered with a heavy weight. Everyone drew their weapons in shock- It got battered a few more times until Cullen heard a shrill voice that he was quite surprised to hear.

“Shite! Shite! Open up you stupid asses! Open open OPEN!” Sera screamed as she kicked at the door. When it opened, what they saw made everyone gasp in horror as Sera readied her bow to fire at the approaching force.

Surrounded by the bloody, arrow-filled, frozen bodies of Red Templars stood Cole and Joshua, back to back; Cullen made a quick count and estimated about twenty bodies in a ring about the spirit and Knight-Enchanter. Joshua gave the Commander a heated glare as Cassandra approached but Joshua struck her back with the blunt end of his staff, making the Commander and by extension everyone else gawk in horror.

“No more lies! One more and I will leave you all here to die!” The youth cussed as he pointed his blade to a retreating Venatori stalker and drove the staff blade into the man’s skull. He broke into a broken chant as he moved with fiendish precision.  “ _Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter!_ ”

He spun around and dodged a blow to his midsection as Cassandra parried the blow and bashed the fool’s teeth out. The Knight-Enchanter cleaved the unfortunate soul’s head off in one strike.

“ _Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just_!” He roared as everyone readied their weapons to fight a wave of approaching Venatori, but Josh threw up a massive wall of ice, buying them some time to prepare for the battle.

Cullen commanded his soldiers to load the trebuchets while Leliana’s scouts offered defensive fire. He then watched Joshua move over to him as Sera and Cole joined the other inner circle members in the fray as the wall of ice crumbled by the hands of several Venatori bruisers and Red Templar guardians. The Knight-Enchanter intoned a glyph on the ground with the blade of his staff then snapped his fingers as three pale blue ice mines formed at Haven’s entrance, Cullen understood it’s purpose: a failsafe to protect those who could not protect themselves.

Cullen was about to speak but Joshua shook his head as the Knight-Enchanter stood in front of him with bloodshot eyes and gritted teeth.

“Commander…” He said roughly as he turned around and pointed to four figures standing in a hill before the mountain. A blonde, pale woman clad in Tevinter cloth, a mage that Josh referred to as Linnea, a dark haired Red Templar that Cullen immediately recognized from Kirkwall, former-templar Samson and an unknown, grotesquely tall fiend the Knight-Enchanter called The Elder One.  “They’ve come kill me…and my sister. Cole says that The Elder One has it in for us since we managed to steal the mages and templars from under his nose.”

Cullen winched at the formality Joshua used with him. They were friends once, but now it seemed that the youth cast it aside forever. He looked at the young man and remembered the immaculate style he had. His hair was always styled backward and his beard neatly trimmed. His green eyes accentuated his blue and white Knight-Enchanter mail but now he looked like death. His eyes had a fire to it that was never there before. His short beard was matted with blood and his hair was disheveled. His armor was torn and covered in blood and sweat and his staff was covered in rust as the blood on it began to dry up. Joshua would never allow that; but it seemed that Cullen’s former friend didn’t care anymore about his appearance.

As much as Cullen hated what he did to the man- He had to admit, the Inquisition had found its leader: The Knight-Enchanter himself.

 

\---

 

The Commander ushered everyone inside the chantry. The Elder One had a dragon and it stole back all the time Joshua bought with the trebuchet. Cassandra helped Chancellor Roderick into a stool as the man began to cough up blood. Madame Vivienne tried her best to alleviate the old man’s suffering with a healing spell, but to no avail he heaved and cussed in pain.

“H-He took a blade meant for me…” Alara stammered with tears in her eyes as she looked at the old man in disbelief. Cullen remembered how the Chancellor berated the Heralds as they passed him by. He remembered how little faith Roderick put into them, but now he took a blade for one of them.

The Commander turned his attention to Joshua, who moved away from the doors once he was convinced everyone was inside. He managed to save a lot of people; knowing that made Cullen smile. Even in anger and hatred, he had a good heart and that made the Commander content. There was a chance that Joshua could forgive him and be friends with him again.

 _If we survive the attack_. Cullen reminded himself.

“There’s no easy to say this Herald.” Cullen began as the bloodied Knight-Enchanter looked at him with seething eyes.  “We’re outnumbered and pinned down. But we can end this on our terms- Take as many of them down with us.”

“It wants the Heralds.” Cole interjected as he appeared beside the Commander. If Cullen wasn’t stressed out by everything that happened so far, he would have flinched at the spirit’s sudden appearance. “It came for them. Everyone else is in the way. It will kill everyone until it has them.”

The Chancellor coughed again and Cole leaned his head in the old man’s direction as if he was listening, but no one spoke.

“ _Yes_.” The spirit said with a small nod. “Chancellor Roderick can help us.”

“There is a path. But you’d only know it if you made the Summer Pilgrimage as I have. But to be the only one to remember after The Conclave…If this simple memory can save us…I don’t know. Perhaps you two really are Her Heralds.” The old man croaked as he coughed up more blood and Madame Vivienne brought a comforting hand to his back. Roderick nodded in thanks.

Cullen found himself at a loss for words. There was a way out of this, a way for everyone to escape this madness. He found himself smiling when he heard the Chancellor affirm his belief in the Heralds.

There was a lengthy silence until Joshua turned to the doors a brief moment then looked back at his sister. Cullen saw the determined look in his eyes and he realized what the Herald was going to do.

“I will delay it.”

“No! You can’t Josh! That thing will kill you!” Cullen shouted as he grabbed the youth’s hand but Joshua pulled it away.

“Kill me? HA! What killed me inside was the fact that an Envy demon told me the truth, not you!” The Herald cursed as his mark began to act up again. It wasn’t spreading but it seemed to react to his emotions, particularly anger. The members of the inner circle who knew the secret dropped their heads in shame, whilst the rest looked at Joshua in confusion.

“Herald…Are you sure you want to do this? Cullen is right. That thing won’t show you any mercy.” Cassandra said as she approached. Cullen watched as Alara ran to her brother and hugged at his bloody coat, she whispered into his ear and he nodded briefly.

“After all the death I saw today, my sense of mercy has…dulled.”

“I can’t let you do this!” Cullen roared as Alara pulled away from her brother and watched as the Commander and her brother stared each other down. Cullen looked into angry eyes and saw fear instead. Joshua, for all his shows of bravado and valor, he was afraid like the Commander was. Cullen grabbed his hand again and the youth looked at him with curiosity as the former-templar shouted at him. “Damn it Josh- It doesn’t have to end this way!  _Ir abelas ma falon_  but I’m coming with you!”

Joshua tensed up at the Commander’s use of Elven. The Commander wasn’t sure if he used the words correctly, but it seemed to have the desired effect as the mage softened his glare at the Commander and his mouth fell open in surprise.

“Cullen! You can’t go with him-” Cassandra began but Cullen silenced her with a fierce look. The look on her face was mirrored by the others who looked on wordlessly as they stood.

“Maker forbid- if something happens to me, Knight-Captain Rylen can take over. I’m dead set on this, Seeker. We’ll use the last trebuchet and bring the mountain down on Haven; Alara can fire the signal when you’re above the tree-line.” Cassandra held her gaze on the man but soon nodded when she saw that he wasn’t budging.

The inner circle approached along with the advisors. They looked at Joshua in silence as he looked at them in turn. Cullen found himself looking at Alara, who had her head against Solas’ shoulder. The elven apostate held onto her with lithe arms and whispered into her ear and she nodded slowly with a slight whimper. He was happy to see love in a time of war. It reminded him of Leliana’s vision during the Fifth Blight that she shared with him during a night at the tavern with Cassandra and Rylen: a singular rose on a dead bush, a single good in a world gone mad.

“W-What ‘bout the rest of us?” Sera asked what everyone else was thinking but didn’t have the guts to. She began to stomp her feet and move around in a fit of rage as she unleashed a salvo of words that Cullen found to be unexpectedly cute. “We can’t just…look I have arrows. I shoot baddies! Who thinks “ _Well dunk a butt, we’ll leave a Herald of friggin’ Andraste to die_ ” is fine? Shite no! You’re mad!”

“Buttercup…” Varric said as he intercepted her and pointed to Cullen and Joshua. “I’ve written enough novels to know that this is the part where the protagonists show the world what they’re made of. Besides, this is a great  _bonding_  opportunity for Curly and Grinner, don’t you think?” The storyteller wriggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, to which Cassandra scoffed and Dorian cat-called. He had to admit, Cullen had thought of that. He wanted to keep Joshua alive. Now that Varric brought it up, he definitely wanted to bond with Joshua to repair some of the damage done to their strained friendship.

“Whatever! Still don’t like this shite.” Sera said in a nonchalant tone.

“No one cares, my dear.” Vivienne said as she nodded to the Herald and the Commander, then turned on her heel and helped Cole support the Chancellor to the hidden path. Cullen held back a grin as he watched everyone leave, one by one as they looked at the pair then left with silent goodbyes on their lips. Alara gave her brother one last hug and Solas nodded to the men as he coaxed her to leave. Joshua stood at the doors and gave the Commander a nervous smile as they stood beside each other with weapons at the ready.

“We should do this more often. Fight side by side.”

“I’d like that.” Cullen said with all the ease in the world.

“I’d like that too.”

“You said that already.” The Commander teased as he noticed the Knight-Enchanter’s cheeks and neck had grown red.

“…Thank you.”

“For?” Cullen asked with amusement in his voice as he pushed open the doors and lifted his shield.

“For being my friend.”

“W-We’re friends?”

“Oh C-Cullen. We’ll always be friends.” Josh smiled as he tossed a barrier over himself and the former-templar

 

\---

 

The Commander felt Joshua grab into him with desperate fingers. They were falling down a deep crevice as the mountain came down on Haven. Cullen felt Josh turn as he held onto the Commander and he heard the mage cast a last ditch barrier on the ex-templar with the last of his mana.

Cullen felt the ground as Joshua let go mid fall, his back hurt but it wasn’t bad- maybe a few bruises, nothing a healer couldn’t fix but Josh landed beside him and the Commander heard a sickening crack. The Knight-Enchanter screamed in agony as Cullen quickly turned despite the pain he felt and saw Josh on his back, clutching his left side.

“R-Ribs broke.” Joshua managed to cuss between ragged breaths. “You a-alright, Commander?”

Cullen nodded as he scanned the area for any threats. They were disarmed and wounded. Their best bet would be to avoid conflict for now until something as done for the Knight-Enchanter’s wounds.

There were no lyrium potions around either. Cullen knew that the mage had used up his last mana to protect the former-templar and thus his mana would recover slowly- too slow for him to use a Creation spell. He needed healing magic before the wound got worse. He recalled the stock of lyrium potions that Neria carried as she ascended to the Harrowing Chamber to deal with Uldred. He immediately shook the memory away lest he relived those painful days in front of the wounded mage. Josh needed him to be strong.

“G-Good. Aaaah…“ Joshua whimpered as Cullen carefully lifted the mage, making sure not to touch his broken ribs. The Knight-Enchanter swayed around but mostly kept his balance as Cullen looked about for kindling to make a torch. “Wait. Let me try.”

Joshua brought his right hand up into the air and clicked his fingers. The air around it set ablaze as a green, heatless flame burned in his hand, giving the icy cavern a tranquil glow.

“A b-basic cantrip that doesn’t require too much mana; the apprentices loved to write all kinds of n-nonsense that couldn’t be seen without veilfire.”

Cullen nodded in thanks as he pulled off his fur pauldrons and wrapped it around the shivering mage. He noticed the younger man’s neck flush as he looked at Joshua with worried eyes.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time.” Cullen said as he moved at a slow pace with the injured youth. “I can be strong for you,  _ma falon_.”

Josh gave him an amused grin as he cocked his head with a small cuss.

“Do you even know what  _ma falon_  means?”

Cullen, this time became flustered.

“I asked your sister actually.” The former-templar said as he looked ahead and saw the tunnel leading into a larger chamber. “She was quite helpful-“

Joshua pulled his hand down and extinguished the veilfire he held; he then pushed Cullen against the icy wall beside him and pointed to numerous figures in the larger room that weren’t visible from far.

“D-Demons ahead!”

“Maker’s breath! Can’t we catch a break?!” Cullen cussed as the demons in question saw the men and began to approach. A cloaked one, a demon he recognized as Despair screeched and tossed a spike of ice at Joshua. He slid down, pulling the youth with him narrowly dodging the icicle. He watched in amazement as Joshua’s mark flared up when the demons got too close.

The Knight-Enchanter let out a scowl as he lifted his marked hand and clenched his fist. Cullen stared ahead and a saw huge rift manifest behind the demons. It began to pull the demons inside it. One by one, the demons screamed in agony as they were ripped back into The Fade.

“What was that?!” Cullen rasped as the youth looked at him in confusion.

“I don’t know!? I was out of m-mana!” The mage gasped as he pointed to his marked hand, still sputtering green sparks about the area. One of them fell onto Cullen’s armor but didn’t burn. His eyes followed it and he realized that Joshua was straddling his hips.

“Uhhh…I…um…” Cullen managed to say as he felt his cheeks light on fire. The Knight-Enchanter didn’t realize until he looked down to see that the problem was. The youth’s own cheeks flared up with heat.

“T-This is your fault.”

“How is it  _my_  fault?!” Cullen cussed as he moved to help the Knight-Enchanter get off his hips and up onto his feet. After a few heated glances, Joshua was propped up against the ice opposite the exhausted Commander.

The mage explained his plan: Fight the Elder One- No,  _Corypheus_  one on one and let the others escape to fight another day. Apparently, Cullen foiled that plan when he opted to go with the Knight-Enchanter.

“Did you really expect me to just leave you behind, just like that?”

He watched as the mage opened his mouth to speak, but instead came out a frustrated snarl as Josh threw his hands down in defeat.

“Oh, y-you are impossible!”

“That’s why you love me.” Cullen had said it without hesitation. By the time he realized what he had said; Joshua was already forcing himself to his feet. The Knight-Enchanter looked at the Commander with sadness in his eyes.

“After everything we’ve been through, do not tease me. I…” Joshua spouted as he tried to walk but slipped toward his broken ribs. Cullen moved quickly despite his lethargy, his hands grabbed at bloody cloth and steel as the Knight-Enchanter’s glare softened in his grasp. “…T-Thank you.”

The Commander silently nodded as he steadied the mage. He then moved with Joshua into another tunnel, this time they saw heavy winds at its end. He let out a chuckle when Joshua cussed out loud that he hated the cold, despite him specializing in winter magicks. Cullen found to be rather ironic.

Truth was though, that Cullen harbored some kind of  _feeling_  for Joshua. It wasn’t exactly love but it was close, because it was akin to what he felt for Bethany Hawke whilst he was in Kirkwall, but it was more...in a way. He knew in his heart that all he wanted was to keep the Herald safe; to never leave his side. He wasn’t teasing the youth. He didn’t understand how he felt anymore.

When they finally made it outside, Cullen felt the cold winds lash out at him and he had to lift his free arm to clear his vision of sleet and snow. When he saw how Joshua shivered and struggled to move in the snow due to his injuries, he held onto his friend and whispered into his ear carefully, a little too close for comfort as his cheeks flushed with heat again.

“Hold onto me. I’ll carry you.” At first, the Knight-Enchanter protested. He began to walk off alone in the snow, only collapse down onto his hands and knees and cry out in pain. Cullen realized that Joshua was putting up an act. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to be fierce. He wanted to be able to walk alone but he needed the Commander’s hand. And inside it twisted at his guts to admit, that He: the  _First Enchanter of the Ostwick Circle_ , a celebrated  _Knight-Enchanter_  and now a  _Herald of Andraste_ ; needed help to walk.

Cullen scooped up the youth’s smaller frame in his arms, making sure not to touch his broken ribs as Josh wrapped an arm behind the Commander's neck, albeit reluctantly. Every step the ex-templar took was hard to take as fatigue began to set in, but he moved at a respectable pace considering his aching back from the fall he had. He looked down at the Herald and saw the man’s eyelashes begin to flutter with drowsiness.

“Stay with me.” Cullen rasped as he quickened his movements, taking note of two abandoned fire pits that they passed by. The dark blonde murmured but the howling winds were too loud to hear what he said. The Commander continued his climb as the winds got stronger and his vision became clouded by snow. He couldn’t see in front of him anymore, but he was certain he was on the right path. The previous fire pits were all going upward into the mountain pass. That was probably where the rest of the Inquisition was.

Cullen heard Joshua go into a coughing fit. He then quickened his pace until the youth stilled and he found himself out of the blizzard, at the top of the hill. He noticed another fire pit, and it was still warm. _Recent_ …He thought to himself.

He struggled to carry the Herald through a thick patch of snow but he adjusted to it and made it to the pass. He was greeted by a face he detested but was glad to see nonetheless as he collapsed to the ground with the Herald still in his shaky arms.

“H-Hey! It’s Cullen-Wullen…and Josh! Come ‘ere quick you arse-nots!” Sera screamed as she pointed to the men. Cassandra ran over with Blackwall and they brought the freezing pair into their campsite.

“Thank the Maker!” Cassandra shouted as Dorian came her way with furs. He was about to drape one over Cullen when the Commander pulled away and moved to Josh’s side.

“His left ribs are broken. I can’t leave him! I have to protect…”

“I will take care of him, Cullen.” Solas affirmed as he pointed to Alara and Sera. “Take care of the Commander.”

The women pulled the Commander to the tent opposite the one where the warriors and Solas took care of Joshua. Every now and then, he saw Leliana and Josephine move about the campsite with their agents to gauge the situation.

Cullen held an amused expression as he watched Dorian sulk to himself. No one took any furs from him. He watched as Vivienne pointed and laughed at him. The Tevinter mage scoffed as he returned to a red inquisition tent with The Iron Bull in tow. Despite that humorous moment, he noticed that the campsite had gone silent once the people realized that Josh was alive but badly injured.

“Cullen…” He heard a petite voice in front of him. The elf in question hugged him before he turned back. She began to undo his armor and place a healing salve on his back to lessen the bruising and the pain. “Thank you for keeping him alive.”

He blushed as Sera hugged him too. He was too scared to question her lest he end up with bees in his breeches or worst- earwigs in his armor. In the corner of his eye, he saw Cole nod to him in approval. When he turned to look, the spirit was gone.

“You’re on my good side, Cullen-Wullen. Let’s see how long it lasts.”

 

\---

 

The Commander watched as Joshua stirred in his sleep. He mused over how much more muscular the Knight-Enchanter was than Cullen initially realized. Without his armor, he saw hardened lines of tanned skin. Bruises lined his left side, wrapped in bandages that wound around his taut torso. In the background he could hear Alara, Cassandra, Josephine and Leliana arguing, but he didn’t care to intervene. His sole desire was to watch over Josh- To take care of him.

Cullen immediately looked away. Shame filled his mind as he pushed out thoughts of touching Joshua’s skin to reassure the Knight-Enchanter that he was still there for him.

 _Damn it!_  The Commander thought to himself. He could not be falling for Joshua. He loved Neria. He had some unrequited feelings for Hawke’s sister but never had he actually shown any interest in men before this. Maybe he was confused.

 _Confused?_  He thought to himself. Maybe he was. But he felt  _something_  for the youth.  Something was better than nothing.

Mother Giselle pulled him away from his thoughts as she moved into the tent and assured him that she would look after the injured youth if he needed to rest. She looked at him as he was about to protest with a small grin on her face, but she stopped him with her hand raised in a calming fashion.

“If you really wish to help the Herald, look after yourself and keep your wits about you. Another heated voice will only make things worse.” The older woman said as she turned her gaze to the arguing women. She reminded Cullen of a mother watching over her children as they argued, not sure whether to intervene or to let it slide. Her smile melted away and her gaze returned to the Commander. “With time on our hands, we turn to doubt. We saw our defenders rise…and fall. And now they have returned.”

“It’s not like we died and came back from the dead.” Cullen said as he looked at Joshua, then at the Chantry Mother with a befuddled look.

“It doesn’t matter, Commander.” Mother Giselle cooed with a smile as she left the tent. “They saw your amity with the Herald. They believe in him, but now with your heroic sacrifice, they believe in you too.”

“…Cullen?” The Commander practically flew to the Herald’s side when he heard the young man say his name. “Are you…okay?”

Cullen nodded to him as he hugged the Knight-Enchanter. Joshua let out a small hiss and the ex-templar pulled away in concern but Josh grabbed at his cloth tunic as if to say:  _I’m fine. Please stay_.

Cullen gave him a small smile as he settled himself down next to the Herald’s cot; in that moment he felt content with the Knight-Enchanter’s head resting on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and he forgot his aches and pains. He forgot that he was a Commander. He forgot that he survived the destruction of Haven with his best friend.

He flinched when Joshua moved from his shoulder and swung his legs off the cot. They both looked outside as Mother Giselle began to sing.

 

_Shadows fall and hope has fled_

_Steel your heart,_

_The dawn will come_

 

Cullen watched as Joshua got to his feet and offered a hand to him. The ex-templar took it gladly and wrapped a blanket around the youth who nodded in thanks. They moved to the end of the tent and Cassandra gave them a smile as Joshua joined in the song- Cullen’s heart raced as the youth’s voice echoed out, tugging at his heart strings.

 _Maker…That is beautiful_. He thought to himself as he watched the Knight-Enchanter lift everyone’s spirits with a voice that Cullen could only liken to the song by the birds on a warm morning.

 

_The night is long and the path is dark_

_Look to the sky, for one day soon_

_The dawn will come_

 

This time, the spymaster joined in. Her melodious voice filled the air, spurring several others to join in chorus. Even Josephine, ever the lady- prim and proper let go and sang out with pride. Alara looked about as people approached the men in song and she too sang with tears of joy in her eyes.

 

_The Shepherd’s lost and his home is far_

_Keep to the stars,_

_The dawn will come_

Cullen felt is heart overflow with emotion. In a moment of weakness, he sang. He watched as Leliana looked at him with shocked eyes. In mid-song he turned to Josh, who looked at him amused but blushing like a maiden. He continued singing and he realized, he could sing. He never tried before. Joshua liked his voice. It stoked Cullen’s inner fire to know that his friend likes the sound of his singing.

 

_The night is long and the path is dark_

_Look to the sky, for one day soon_

_The dawn will come_

The soldiers began to unsheathe their blades and raise them to the firmament. All singing, all kneeling to the two men- in that moment he moved to kneel to Josh too, but the Knight-Enchanter grabbed his hand with puppy dog eyes and Cullen resigned himself to remain at his friend’s side, all the while blushing.

 

_Bare your blade and raise it high_

_Stand your ground, the dawn will come_

_The night is long and the path is dark_

_Look to the sky, for one day soon_

_The dawn will come_

 

Mother Giselle turned to the mage with hope in her brown eyes.

“Your people are inspired, Herald. They have found their reason to fight: The two of you.” The old woman said as she left them to their own devices. Everyone dispersed back to their duties. Cullen understood Mother Gizelle’s words. By standing up to Corypheus despite the odds, he and Joshua inspired the entire Inquisition to stay strong and live to fight the monster another day.

“Who knew a lion’s roar could be so...striking.” The Knight-Enchanter chuckled as he gave the Commander an amused look. “You make it hard for a person not to fall for you,  _ma falon_.”

Cullen flushed and was about to speak when Solas approached with Alara in tow. He gave Josh a serious look. The Knight-Enchanter’s face straightened and the three of them moved to a secluded area to speak privately in hushed tones. It concerned the former-templar that the elven apostate decided to speak to Josh in private but Cullen found his mind being wrenched from the notion of spying on them when Sera skipped over to him with a wide grin.

“Cullen-Wullen…” Sera giggled as she looked at the ex-templar with mischief in her eyes. “Why haven’t you kissed him yet? Ugh- It’s not complicated. You grab him and you lock lips with him- stick your tongue right in; simple innit?”

Cullen turned to her with red cheeks and ears. He began to stammer as the elf looked at him. She broke into a giggle fit as she pointed at him.

“Look at you, all red.” The prankster said as she stuck out her tongue. “Didn’t even get to the racy bits.”

Cullen let out a sigh as he saw Cole behind the crazy elf shake his head in amusement. The ex-templar wondered if the spirit could be amused like a person would. He would have to ask Josh when he returned. He hoped it was soon because the look Sera gave him echoed of trouble.

The former-templar then realized that Sera was right. What was stopping him from kissing the mage? The Herald wasn’t Neria and he wasn’t Bethany either but a dear friend who genuinely cared for him. The very thought of kissing Joshua made Cullen weak at his knees and he blushed even further, much to the Red Jenny’s amusement.

 


	4. Tattered Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the timely discovery of Skyhold behind them, Josh and Cullen come to realize that life in Skyhold would never be dull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this while listening to Boukyaku Rokoun (Kara no Kyoukai OST) by Yuki Kajiura

Joshua had to hold in a laugh as he watched the Commander being tailed by Sera. Since their timely discovery of Skyhold with Solas’ help, the elven prankster made it her mission to follow Cullen about and prod at him with her bow and sometimes her dagger hilts. He understood that she meant well, but what Sera considered helpful and what Josh knew that Cullen could take were two different things.

Skyhold was bustling with people from all over Ferelden and Orlais. According to Cassandra, it had become a pilgrimage for people seeking to aid the Inquisition in its fight against the Elder One. The Knight-Enchanter watched as the Seeker led him towards the stairs leading to the castle.

“We now know who our enemy is. And we now know who will lead us in this endeavor; the one who has been leading the Inquisition all this time.” The warrior said as Josh followed her up the stairs and caught sight of Leliana with her head bowed. In her hands, she held out the standard-issue Knight-Enchanter great blade. Cassandra turned to the youth and shot him a grin. “ _You_.”

Josh noticeably flushed as he looked down and saw a crowd people standing in awe. His friends and Inner Circle members stood in the crowd as well, but his eyes caught onto the smile of Cullen who stood beside Sera and Josephine. In the distance, he saw Alara and Solas watching eagerly from the upper ramparts of the fortress, both giving him a nod of approval.

“I didn’t ask for this!” Josh shouted as he stared down the Seeker whose grin faltered. He saw her look at Leliana briefly, the former-bard furrowed her brow but Josh didn’t give a damn what she thought as he continued.  “You can’t just pile this on me, Seeker. I am no one’s fallback plan.”

“Fallback plan?” Leliana asked as she lifted her gaze to the angry mage, who gave her a dirty look in response. Josh once feared Sister Nightingale after reading of her involvement in the Fifth Blight, but he realized that she was flawed like everyone else. He was a symbol to her, a mere tool at her disposal. And he hated that that was who he was- to everyone, even Cullen in a sense. Josh hated that part. He wanted to be much more to Cullen.

“Did you forget what you all did, Seeker?” Joshua spat as he turned his gaze to the crowd to find Cullen’s, the former-templar’s smile vanished as Josh turned back to the Seeker. “I may be on good terms with the Commander, but I never forgave any of you.”

The Knight-Enchanter turned to leave, but he felt a firm hand grab his arm.

“You would abandon the people you have saved?” Cassandra asked with confusion in her brown eyes. Josh sighed and looked at her in frustration.

“You abandoned me the moment you lied to me, and as I have told the Commander: I don’t work with people I don’t trust!” He shouted as he wrenched his arm from the Seeker’s grasp and turned to face her and the spymaster. His expression changed from one of anger to an unreadable face as he briefly reconsidered. “However…I will work with you, but only if you promise me a few things.”

Cassandra awaited his terms as the mage thought to himself momentarily. The Herald was tired of being a mere symbol, a mere tool for the masses. He wanted to be more- for himself and perhaps for his Commander as well.

“Firstly, keep no secrets from me. If I am to lead, I will need to know everything.” To which Cassandra nodded. The Spymaster looked as if she was about to protest but she too nodded.

“Secondly, my privacy is important to me. I will not tolerate people nosing about my personal effects.” The Seeker managed to coax Leliana to nod, much to Cassandra’s relief. Josh stifled a laugh as he saw how the spymaster cursed to herself.

“Thirdly and this is the most important one, If- Maker forbid- anything happens to me; I want my sister to become Inquisitor in my place, do you agree to my terms, or shall I take my leave?”

“We are in agreement.” Cassandra said quickly as she led the Herald to Leliana.

The Knight-Enchanter carefully took the blade from the spymaster and watched it gleam in the sun’s morning rays. His lips turned upward into a smile as he broke into a speech, resisting the urge to lift the sword as he spoke.

“People are so quick to judge a mage. Mankind fears what it does not understand and rightfully so. But to live in fear your whole life is no way to live at all.” Joshua spoke loud and clear, his voice echoing through the fortress. He looked down and saw Cullen smiling to himself. He had to keep his composure when he noticed Sera making funny faces from behind the Commander. “I am a Knight-Enchanter of the Chantry. But that does not define me anymore. As the Inquisition, we are one: Humans, elves, dwarves, qunari, all vying to stop Corypheus and his agents. It is  _my_ duty to stop that monster but I will not judge anyone’s reasons to help, so long as you help us. The Inquisition will bring peace.  _We_  will do this…together. Whatever we were before, we are now…the Inquisition!”

Josh watched the Seeker move over to the edge and point to Lady Montilyet.

“Ambassador, have our people been told?”

“They have, and soon all of Thedas.” Josephine said with a bright smile.

“Commander, will they follow?”

Cullen turned to his soldiers with a beam that made Joshua’s heart pound in his chest. In that moment, Josh felt his face flush with heat as his palms grew sweaty along with other areas that reacted to such a handsome, genuine smile aimed at him- and only him.

“Inquisition! Will you follow?!”  The former-templar shouted. Almost immediately, the crowd cheered loudly.

“Will you fight?! Will we triumph?!” He hollered as he raised his hands. Again, the crowd cheered, only louder than the last time. Cullen turned to his friend and drew his blade. Joshua’s heart raced as he heard Cullen speak in an utterly valiant voice that made him go weak at his knees. He had to steady himself, lest he end up showing everyone how deeply in love he was with the Commander.

“Your Leader! Your Herald!  **Your Inquisitor!** ”

Upon hearing that striking roar, Joshua could resist the urge no more. He lifted the sword to the sky in contentment and the fortress burst out in cheers. He looked about as Cassandra smiled, Leliana nodded, Josephine let out an unladylike cheer which Sera and Cullen found amusing, and the elves watching from the upper ramparts nodded to the Knight-Enchanter. Finally, he saw Cullen give him an approving nod as he made his way with the advisors to the entrance of the castle.

The former-templar pushed open the doors and they all stepped inside. It was still in ruins but Cullen assured the Inquisitor that it would be repaired in time with the help of dwarven masons and one Ser Morris.

Immediately, talks between the advisors turned to Corypheus and his pet dragon. Joshua stood opposite them and looked to his marked hand. It still hurt now and then, but he was used to feeling it brought.

“We need more information before we deal with those beasts. For now we need to address the threat to Orlais.” Joshua hissed as he looked at his advisors. Leliana nodded with a grim look on her face.

“Yes. The evidence you found in Therinfal Redoubt and the obscure future Alara experienced at Redcliffe both confirm the Elder One’s plans: Assassinate the Empress and take over Orlais with an army of demons. We cannot allow that, Inquisitor.”

“We can explore ideas of how to approach these problems at a later date. The Inquisitor is no doubt tired, after all his ribs are still healing. Would you like to see your quarters?” Josephine asked with a hint of concern in her voice. Josh nodded. The reality of what he was undertaking had begun to hit him and he felt weak. Roderick died believing in him and Alara. He wanted to relax for a short while and take it all in, and then he’d start his new life as Inquisitor. As the leader everyone wanted.

“Grinner, before you go…” He heard Varric say as he moved into the main hall. “Everyone getting all happy and heroic got my memory jogging. I have a friend who has information on Corypheus. He’s crossed paths with him before. He’ll be around for the next week, so come and meet him on the ramparts when you’re all healed up.” The storyteller grinned as the Inquisitor nodded to him and expressed his gratitude. The dwarf then left.

“Who could he have brought to help us?” Josephine asked. Cullen touched his forehead and Leliana let out a scoff as she spoke. Josh had an idea of who it was when he saw how they reacted at the ambassador’s question.

“I do know one thing. If he brought who I think he has, Cassandra is going to kill him.”

 

\---

 

“This room is way too large.” Joshua cussed as he sat at the foot of the bed. Alara looked at him with an amused look. “Seriously, we both live here and it feels like there’s still space for everyone else.”

His sister moved to open the balcony doors and a rush of cold air swept the room. The Knight-Enchanter pulled his coat closer to his body and got up from the bed. Alara chuckled as she stood on the balcony overlooking the snowy mountains.

“Oh never mind that- How does it feel to be Inquisitor?” The red haired keeper asked as she moved back inside the bedroom and closed the balcony doors. Josh let out a sigh of relief; he wasn’t a fan of the view, it was too high, making the youth queasy and it was a constant reminder of his duty as Inquisitor.

“I haven’t even started and I feel like crap already.” The mage spoke honestly. “How are things with Solas, sister?”

“Good, I guess. We kissed in the Fade. He was very coy about it though.” She said with a brief cough.

“Really? That’s good. He has my approval. He’s a good man for you, sister.” The youth said as he pulled his sister into a hug. She made sure not to touch his injured ribs but she savored his touch as Josh kissed at her cheek and smiled.

“ _Ma serannas_ , brother; Cullen is a good man too.” He noticed her smile into his neck and he pulled away at her hint.

“Really?  _This_  again?”

“By the Dread Wolf yes-  _This...._ Again!” Alara said with a sneer.

She took his marked hand with her own and green sparks danced about their fingers as she looked at him with teary eyes. She explained her anxiety when The Knight-Enchanter opted to face the Elder One alone. She dreaded losing him, but Solas comforted her. He kept her in check so she wouldn’t do anything stupid. Josh made a mental note to thank the elven mage again. Solas…he was a good friend.

“When the Commander offered to go with you…I felt at ease. He cared about you and he would keep you alive, I told myself that. And I was right.” She said as she cupped his cheek, she cringed at the feeling of his unshaven beard but kept her hand there nonetheless. “You deserve happiness.”

Before the mage could speak, there was a knock at his door. Alara raced over and opened it much to her brother’s dismay.

“Ah, Commander- we were…just speaking about you.” The elven girl said demurely as she moved up the stairs and winked at her brother who groaned in irritation. Cullen walked in behind her with a basket on his arm. Inwardly, Josh was making cartwheels of joy as he saw the former-templar. Cullen was a sight for sore eyes. “I’m going to the tavern to meet up with Sera and Varric. I’ll see you guys  _later_.” Alara said as she moved down stairs and shut the door.

Joshua was left with the bashful Commander. He pointed to the foot of his bed and both men took a seat there, side by side.

“She doesn’t beat around the bush, does she?” Cullen asked with redness at his neck. He was dressed in a simple cloth tunic and brown breeches. Josh found himself looking at Cullen, unable to believe that the man was out of his armor for once. From the way the tunic and breeches clung to Cullen’s body, it was clear that the former-templar had a lot of muscle underneath and it made Josh’s heart pound just thinking about it.

“Believe me; you don’t want to get on her bad side.” The Knight-Enchanter chuckled as Cullen began to take out fruits, cheese and a selection of fine wines from the basket he brought with him. He packed it on the breakfast tray on the dresser and brought it over to the bed. Cullen zoned out for a moment, breaking Josh from his fantasy about the Commander’s body. “…Cullen?”

“Oh…Sorry- You didn’t come down for breakfast today. I…” Cullen blushed as he stammered. “I thought I might kill two birds with one stone.”

Josh looked at the Commander, intrigued and touched at the same time.

“Go on.”

Cullen let out a sigh as he looked outside onto the balcony. Josh took the opportunity to admire the Commander’s chiseled jaw and his trimmed stubble. Something about Cullen reminded him of a lion. Regal, powerful-

“How are your ribs?” The Commander asked, interrupting his thoughts as he poured out some wine for the both of them, he then gave a glass to the Knight-Enchanter. Josh told him that they were healing, but still painful. He had to make sure not to hurt them or the mended ribs would break again. Solas wouldn’t be happy about that at all especially after all his effort to heal the Herald.

“And the other bird?”

“What?” Cullen asked in confusion.

“What was the other thing you wanted to discuss?” Josh asked as Cullen took a sip of wine and bit into a wedge of cheese. He chuckled at the Commander’s lack of coherency. It was cute.

Cullen got up from the bed and began to pace about erratically; his gaze shifted multiple times from the Inquisitor to his hands.

“As leader of the Inquisition, there is something you must know.” Cullen rasped as he rubbed at the back of his neck.  Josh got up from the bed and gave him a concerned glance.

Cullen explained that he wasn’t taking lyrium anymore and that it has begun to addle his mind. He asked Cassandra to keep an eye on him in case it became too much but he wanted Josh to know since the mage was in charge. After all, Joshua had said he didn’t want any secrets between him and the advisors.

Josh moved closer to the Commander and took hold of his right hand in his marked hand. His eyes met hazel eyes and he smiled as he felt Cullen’s larger fingers curl around his fingers.

“I think you are brave, Cullen.”

“…Truly?” The Commander looked at him in shock.

 “I have a lot of…experience with templars who lose much of themselves to Lyrium. I respect your decision and I…” Josh’s voice turned hoarse and he flushed as Cullen tightened his hold slightly on the youth’s fingers and the mage smiled at him. “I’m here for you, Cullen.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor.”

“Please, call me Josh. We are friends first Cullen. I care about you and…”

“You care about me, Josh?” Cullen murmured and Josh froze as Cullen grinned at him, his brown eyes fixed on Josh as the mage looked away in shame.

“I…do.” Josh admitted as he pointed to the bed and they sat down, both flustered as they had breakfast together in relative peace.

 

\---

 

Cullen had wondered why the Inquisitor summoned the advisors so early the next morning to the war room. It was agreed that the Inquisitor’s fieldwork against Corypheus would start once the Inquisitor’s wounds were healed. According to Solas’, it would take a few more days but Joshua was eager to get started it seemed. At least, that’s what the Commander thought.

“I’d like a change of quarters.”

“What?” Josephine croaked as she spit out her wine in alarm. Luckily, it missed the table and only hit poor Cullen, to whom she sincerely apologized whilst wiping the mess she made on his cuirass with a serviette. “Is there something wrong with your quarters?”

The Inquisitor flushed as he looked over at Cullen then at the two ladies.

“I…I’m afraid of heights. The balconies make me dizzy. I’d feel much better if Alara stayed there and if I were allocated another place to rest my head; maybe somewhere on the ramparts or even below that. ”

Cullen watched as Leliana moved her hands from her back to the war table and looked at Josephine with an amused glance. The ambassador gave the spymaster a nod and Cullen felt uneasy. Whenever they gave each other that look, trouble ensued. Unfortunately, Joshua looked too tired to even notice it

“Hmmm- I think we have the perfect place for you. It’s still unfinished and in ruins but we could have that fixed in a day or so. Come with us.” Leliana cooed as she led Cullen and the others outside towards the tavern, then up the flight of stairs to the upper battlements then into the second main gate tower. Cullen opened the door and felt his heart pound as they filed into the room.

“As Leliana said, it is largely unfinished but if you’d like it done as soon as possible, I could call in some favors and have it done by tomorrow morning.“ Josephine said as she awaited his answer, He nodded in approval and she scribbled down the details of how he wanted it to look and feel.  As the ladies were about to leave, Leliana grinned at Cullen.

“Oh and before I forget, Inquisitor- This tower adjoins to another tower.” The spymaster said with a slight snicker in her tone. “Cullen’s tower.”

She closed the door and Josh gave the Commander a heated glance.

“You knew?”

“I didn’t until she took us here!” Cullen yelped as Joshua approached him with fire in his eyes.

“We’re neighbors now…It is fine- I will just have to ask Sera for some earwigs.” Joshua chuckled as he opened the door and Cullen followed in pursuit.

“Earwigs? For what?!”

“For revenge of course; we can’t let them get away with this matchmaking nonsense! We’re adults.” He said as he slinked into the tavern and called down the palisade. “SERA! I’m going to prank some fools. You in? If so, bring some earwigs!”

Cullen cringed when he heard a crash as Sera jumped over a table and knocked down tankards and plates to the ground, shouting apologies to the barkeep as she raced up the stairs with a jar of earwigs in her hands. The bugs made a sickening buzzing noise as they tried to escape their confines.

“Who are we doing and why? No wait- came out wrong.” The elf giggled as she stopped herself from colliding with the wall. “Ooh! Cullen-Wullen’s horsing around with us today?”

“N-No!”

“Yes you are.” Joshua said with a chuckle. “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

“Also, you’ll stop looking like Commander Jackboot and more like people! People will like you more. Well, some already like you more than others.”

“S-Sera!” Joshua snapped as he pinched her shoulder in irritation.

“What? It’s true innit?”

_Cullen-Wullen and Josh-Posh_

_Sittin’ in a tree_

_K-I-S-S-_

The Commander felt his face turn crimson as she sang out loud. Joshua covered her mouth but someone else continued the song much to their horror. Even Sera looked at the spirit in utter disbelief as Josh made the mistake of letting go of her and then she burst out into a giggle fit. Cullen could never understand how someone so small could laugh so much.

_I-N-G_

_First comes…_

“That sounds…messy.” Cole stopped himself as he shrugged at the elf. Cullen froze and Josh looked like he was about to cry and throw up- both at once. Sera looked at the men and she started a new fit of laughter as the Commander chased after her with Joshua in tow begging him to stop.

“Andraste’s ass, BEST MORNING EVER!” She cried as Cullen threw curses her way.

“Maker’s Breath! Does she ever stop laughing!?” Cullen shouted as Sera ran into the barn.

“No.” Joshua mouthed as he tried his best to follow when Sera ran for Cullen’s tower but the Commander collapsed inside the barn, his armor weighing him down after he took a turn too quickly. Blackwall shook his head with a chuckle as he ignored them and returned to his carvings.

“I don’t want to know Commander.”

 

\---

 

Cullen had spent several hours the next morning in his tower getting rid of the earwigs Sera had stuffed into his cushions and inside his furniture. He slept in the barracks for the night when he grew tired of pulling his bed apart and trained the new recruits at dawn when sleep eluded him still; he was eager to have his quarters back, to sleep on his own bed again. Fortunately, Joshua had heard of using fire to drive the insects away since they preferred damp environments, thus it didn’t help that Cullen sweated profusely during his night terrors. Unfortunately, the Inquisitor was out of his element, literally when it came to fire magic, so they asked Dorian to help.

The altus had managed to scare the poor insects away from Cullen’s home, but not without incident. A few times, Josh had to extinguish embers that caught onto the Commander’s belongings and desk to which Dorian would shamefacedly apologize. Once the job was done, the altus returned to the library with a cake Cole took from the kitchens as his reward. Josh didn’t want to explain what Cole was doing with a chocolate cake. Then again, Cullen really didn’t want to know. Cole terrified him at times.

“So…this is where you live.” The Knight-Enchanter rasped as he took in the room with a smile. “I quite like the idea of being your neighbor.”

“Knowing you, we’d sit every night on the battlements and trade quips. Maybe even some combat tactics.” Cullen said as he led the Inquisitor outside and down the walkway to the barn and waved at Ser Blackwall. The warden had been busying himself with making toys out of leftover wood for the children in Skyhold under Mother Giselle’s care.

“We could spar too.” Josh laughed as he waved to a blonde woman in fine silk speaking to a merchant near the castle stairs. Cullen recognized her, Bonny Sims, leader of the Tradesmen, ene of Josephine’s many friends. The Knight-Enchanter turned his attention from the woman as he gave the Commander a curious look. “Say, are you busy Commander?”

The blonde haired man stopped for a moment to look at the youth before answering. He noticed that the Inquisitor had trimmed his beard and cut his dark blonde hair into a crew cut that made him look quite dapper. He was dressed in a black undershirt and his greaves, but without his staff and battle-coat, he looked more like a soldier than a mage, especially with the lean physique he had.

“Not at present, why?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I was hoping you’d join me and my new friends for some breakfast. Also, it’s kind of my fault you didn’t sleep in your own bed last night.” The mage rasped with guilt written all over his face.

“It’s fine Josh- Wait… _New friends_?” The Commander asked incredulously. Josh had a habit of making the most interesting friends. It was a miracle that they worked together at all out on the field, especially Madame Vivienne and The Iron Bull, even Sera. Actually, it was a miracle that Sera worked well with anyone at all.

The Knight-Enchanter pouted and Cullen laughed. Josh reminded him of his sister Mia- pouting whenever she wanted something from her brother. He reminded himself to write to her soon when he had a chance. She missed him. She probably had no idea that he was still alive after…Haven. He’d have to remedy that soon.

 Joshua took the lead and led the commander into the room beside the drawbridge. It was still a bit untidy, but it had a table filled with croissants, breads and butter. Wine, juices and grapes were littered about the table. Four placemats were set as Joshua offered the ex-templar the seat opposite him. A knock came at the door and the mage gave Cullen a hopeful look.

“Don’t tell Cassandra about this…” He said as he moved to the door. “ _Yet_.”

Josh opened the door and he beamed a smile at two hooded figures- a man and a woman. They greeted him with respect but their voices were muffled by the scarves around their mouths.

“We were just expecting you. Please, come in!” Josh ushered his guests to the table with enthusiasm in his voice. The male stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of Cullen. The female was too busy chatting with the mage to notice.

“C-Cullen?” The man rasped as he pulled down his scarf to reveal a shaggy mane of black hair and a gaunt jaw, a face the former-templar knew all too well. “Maker’s mercy! It really is you!”

The Commander arose to his feet and pulled the man into a brief handshake. He patted Garrett on his back and the rogue expressed his amusement by blowing a raspberry.

“It’s good to see you!” The raven-haired duelist said as his grey eyes lit up. He turned to his companion and pointed to Cullen. The woman pulled off her scarf and let her flowing ebony locks to fall freely, framing her face like a goddess of beauty. Her grey eyes widened as she looked at Cullen in disbelief.

“Bethany?” Cullen asked as she ran into his arms. Her bony arms wrapped around his armored chest and she cried. He instinctively returned the hug.

“I heard about H-Haven. I was afraid for you, my friend.”

Josh shook his head and handed her a serviette from the table.

“He saved me. I’d have died without him at my side.” The Knight-Enchanter grinned as he beckoned everyone to sit and eat before someone came looking for them. The ex-circle mage wiped at her eyes and smiled at Josh. He flushed and looked at Cullen for a brief time then at the food in front of him.

Cullen had glanced many times at Hawke’s sister to make sure she wasn’t part of a dream or a hallucination. When she returned him a bashful, fleeting look, he realized that he wasn’t dreaming. She really was there. He however, wasn’t the only one glancing about. He saw that Josh often looked at the raven haired mage with blushing cheeks and the Commander felt his blood boil from the fact that Josh looked at Bethany like that but not at him.

“I haven’t had a good meal like this since I left Kirkwall with Anders and my sister.” Garrett said as he tore into the rye bread and butter sandwich he made. Bethany giggled for a moment until Cullen gave him a serious look.

“Where is Anders?”

“That depends on you Cullen, are you asking as Commander of the Inquisition or as a templar?”

“Neither. I’m asking as a friend.” Cullen said as he gave Josh a reassuring look. The Knight-Enchanter let out a sigh of relief as Hawke’s sister nodded to her brother.

“He’s helping us to find out more about the disappearances of Grey Wardens.” The lanky man said as he took a sip of orange juice. “I’m relieved to hear that you have a Grey Warden here. They’re a hardy bunch, but something is wrong. The Inquisitor said that Ser Blackwall didn’t know what the disappearances meant.”

Cullen nodded. It was troubling, especially to Leliana. Her lover, his old sole desire was a warden and she had stopped writing to the bard.

“ **AHA**!” Cullen heard as the door behind Garrett snapped open. The Seeker flew into the room with a snarl on her face and  _The Tale of the Champion_  under her arm. Her eyes locked onto Cullen’s and he for a brief moment felt like she was going to kill him.

“Where is he?! The Champion! I have to question him-” She bawled as she pointed to the table. She narrowly missed Garrett’s head with her finger. He turned his head and Cullen saw him give her a roguish grin. At first, she was dumbstruck, but she then saw Bethany. Her gaze shot back to Cullen, then to the Inquisitor, then back to Garrett as realization hit her and she let out a girlish gasp that made the former-templar snicker.

“Hello there, Seeker Cassandra!” The rogue purred as he motioned to the table and Cullen brought an extra chair for their new guest. Josh moved her into the new seat beside the handsome rogue. The Seeker’s cheeks became red with blush as she stammered and held out her copy of Hawke’s tale. He took it from her and signed with a quill and inkwell from the nearby drawers. When he returned it, she hugged the book tightly to her chest and her flush intensified tenfold. Cullen found her crush on the Champion quite adorable. “I’m honored to meet you. My name’s Hawke. Garrett Hawke.”

 

\---

 

 Cullen was having one of his Lyrium withdrawals again. He had locked himself inside his tower and decided to wait it off but when the pain and throbbing that pushed at his mind didn’t cease, he decided to pay Josh a visit. The mage had a calming effect on him at times and he needed to feel calm lest he end up shouting at someone for no reason at all.

He moved towards the rotunda as he knew that the mage would be spending some time with the elven apostate. He was about to enter the rotunda when he saw that Josh and Solas were in the middle of a conversation and by the tone the elf had, it was about something dear to him.

Now Cullen wasn’t the sort of person to go about eavesdropping on people but his mind was too clouded with pain for him to act, so he decided to remain where he was, hidden behind the semi-opened door and inside he saw that Josh had a worried expression as he held Solas’ hand in his own. A feeling of intense hatred filled Cullen’s mind as he entertained the notion off ripping that hand away from the Knight-Enchanter and dragging him to his quarters and claiming those curvy lips for himself.

The Commander stopped his train of thought. Where did that idea come from?!

“Is this friend of yours a spirit?” Cullen heard the Inquisitor ask and he saw Solas nod to him.

“Yes. She is a spirit of Wisdom. Normally she’d be happy to discuss philosophy with people who ask her but she’s…been pulled out of the Fade against her will. She is no fighter _, lethallin_. If turned against her natural purpose-“

“She would become a demon. I read a poem on a mage who once summoned a spirit of Love. At first, she was pure and caring until his visits to her became more frequent and carnal. At the end of it all, his lust turned her Love into Desire. A warped mirror of what she originally was. Ultimately she killed him, but the foolish man deserved it for changing her.” Joshua said as he looked at Solas with consideration. The Commander shook his head. Talks of spirits and demons were something that he would never understand, even as a templar and frankly he didn’t want to remember Kinloch Hold at all.

“Then you understand the dangers?”

“Yes. I will help your friend Solas. She will be free of whomever or whatever is holding her captive.” The Inquisitor spoke with determination in his voice as they exited the rotunda and presumably ran into Bethany in the main hall, as her excited voice carried into the air.

“Ah! There you are!” The ex-circle mage said as Cullen made his way into the rotunda and towards the throne room. He was still unnoticed. “My brother has left for Crestwood to meet with his Warden contacts. I am pleased to say that he has left me to work for the Inquisition. I look forward to working at your side Inquisitor.”

Cullen caught sight of the Inquisitor as he looked off in the distance in thought and grinned at her afterward, a lot like the grins he would give Cullen from time to time.

“Why look forward? We’re going to the Exalted Plains to help out a friend in need. Your knowledge in Force Magic would be most helpful, Lady Hawke.” He said as he extended a hand to the mage. Her ivory cheeks grew red as she took his hand with a smile.

“Wait for me at the gates. I will be ready within the hour,  _lethallin_.” Solas spoke. Josh nodded to the elf with a smile. Cullen let out a low growl as he watched Bethany and Josh walk off while Solas turned around to him, a neutral expression on his face.

Cullen looked at the mage with curiosity and apprehension. He didn’t know what  to do, but the elf pointed to the vacant seat at his table and the Commander felt obliged to take it as he watched the elven slink into the seat opposite.

“I know what you saw, Commander. I would have you disregard it.”

“I don’t know what you’re…“Cullen started but the elf poured out a cup of water and offered it to the Commander. When Cullen rejected it, the elf drank it without a moment’s hesitation.

“Cullen, even Leliana knows what you saw and she’s in the rookery above, so you might as well be honest. You’re jealous of Lady Hawke. And me, it would seem.”

The ex-templar cringed at the insinuation but he realized that the elf was right. He heard a laugh as Dorian came into the room rather abruptly and pointed to the Commander with an amused expression.

“My dear, we play chess every afternoon and our games end. When will this game end with Joshua? I am eager to see the outcome of this very intense match of blushing and wit.” Dorian said as he was about to sit on the couch when he turned and saw the sleeping keeper, smiling in her sleep. He gave the Fade expert a mocking glance as Cullen realized that Alara was asleep the whole time he stood outside the rotunda. “How sweet.”

“She’s exploring the Fade.” Solas began as he ushered the humans outside to the bridge connecting to Cullen’s tower before one of them woke her up prematurely.”We’ve made some breakthroughs with her archery and magic.”

“ _Right_ \- Look…This is cute and all but can you hurry it up? We’ve made bets and I need to win.” Dorian said with a smug look as Leliana too walked outside and gave the Commander an amused grin.

“Oh don’t mind me, Commander. I’m just here to set the record straight.” She spoke with a chuckle as she folded her hands behind her back and looked out at the barn, her voice filled with giggles. “Some of us believe that the Commander is the lion we all think he is: Fierce, powerful, sensual- you get the picture. While others believe you are just a housecat: Cute to look at but let’s face it, nothing is going to happen.” Cullen’s face turned as she spoke, he looked at the altus who nodded cynically and Solas who sighed and covered his forehead as if to say “Leave me out of this.” The elf returned to his rotunda to check on the keeper and the altus trudged back up the stairs to the library when Cullen remained silent.

“So…Commander- Which are you hmm? Lion or housecat?” Leliana smirked as she returned to the rookery and left the blonde dumbstruck on the bridge.

Cullen had made his way into his tower after the brief chat. He slipped behind his desk and looked at reports but their findings didn’t set in. His mind wandered to what his fellow inner circle members had told him and he affirmed to himself that he was a lion.  _But am I?_  His mind posed the question and he didn’t know the answer.

After several minutes of pacing about and thinking over the situation, he developed a migraine. He decided that he needed some fresh air, so he left the reports for later and made his way to the rampart that connected his tower to Joshua’s. He leaned against the battlement as he looked out into the distance and breathed the cold mountain air. His Lyrium withdrawal was getting worst, but he learned to take it one day at a time.

“Is there room for one more?” He turned as he saw the Knight-Enchanter close his tower door behind him and step towards the Commander when the blonde nodded. Their eyes briefly met and they looked away from each other like a pair of love-struck teens, too afraid to affirm their love for each other. The mage had on his battle-coat and his staff slung onto his back, reminding the former-templar of the fact that Josh would be leaving soon- with the Champion’s sister and that bloody elf from earlier. “I’m going to be away for about three days. Solas’ friend is in danger; we’ve decided to take Cole and Bethany with us.”

“Then I wish you well Inquisitor, but why are you telling me this?” Cullen asked with a hint of hostility in his voice. The Knight-Enchanter gave him a bewildered look as he touched the ex-templar on his shoulder.

“I thought you might miss me.”

“I think Bethany would miss you much more than I would if you remained here any longer.” Cullen grumbled as Joshua looked at the Commander in confusion.

“Cullen I…” Joshua rasped as he moved closer to the blonde to take Cullen’s hand into his own, but the ex-templar merely waved him off.

“Just go, please.”

Joshua shook his head and stood his ground as Cullen saw fire in green eyes.

“I’ve had enough of this, Commander.” The youth said as he moved closer to the former templar and growled as their faces were inches apart. Cullen could feel the mage’s hot breath on his face and he wanted to grab Josh, to force their lips together but he decided against it as the mage did what he did best and got overemotional. “I don’t love her. I like her but it will never be love- because I…I already love someone else.”

Cullen looked at him in amusement. Josh was playing right into his hands.

“Who would that be?”

“Oh, a foolish oaf of a man- he knows how I feel and he knows there is no one else for me but he doesn’t do anything about it.” Joshua said with a slight scoff. His eyes were beginning to water and his cheeks reddened as he turned away, his voice giving way. Cullen was beginning to regret goading the mage’s emotions. He didn’t like seeing Josh sad. “I just wish he’d let me down easily again. Back then, at least I knew I had no chance. Now I…hope for more but I’m afraid he’ll break my heart again. My heart is tattered Cullen, I don’t know how much more heartache I can take.”

The Commander approached the emotional mage to comfort him, but was startled when his door opened and a scout waved him down. Josh turned away and looked out into the distance as tears fell, but Cullen gave the scout a heated glance.

Ugh, it was that silly, good-for-nothing fool from Haven. What was his name? Jim.  Scout Jim looked between the two of them, unsure what to do until the Commander’s stare turned into a glower that made the scout scamper. The courier left as soon as he came and Cullen moved over to Josh before he noticed.

“I should go…” The Knight-Enchanter had managed to get out before Cullen roughly claimed his lips with his own- he mused over the fact that Josh tasted of salt and honey until he realized what he had done but it was too late to turn back. Josh tasted so good- he never wanted to stop as he took in the smell of Josh’s skin: Roses.

Cullen went with it and cradled the back of Josh’s neck with his leather glove as the kiss deepened into a fight for dominance, beards grinded, noses knocked into each other unceremoniously and Cullen could swear he heard Sera and Dorian losing their minds in the distance, cheering as electric jolts coursed through him. He forgot all about his anger and his Lyrium withdrawal and all that remained was Josh.

As they surfaced for air, Joshua looked at him with teary eyes still and Cullen rubbed at them with his gloves. When he was done admiring the youth’s green eyes sans tears, he realized that Josh’s eyes were actually honey and green, entwined into a bright green from far, but up close as Cullen was, he saw the shifting colors like that of a gemstone.

The Knight-Enchanter suddenly pulled him into a hug and Cullen delighted in the heat between them, despite their cold armor. Josh desperately clung to him, as if testing to see if the Commander was an apparition. Cullen could relate. He couldn’t believe what he had done but he wouldn’t trade the moment for the world. It was perfect.

“Y-You…you…” Josh looked at a loss for words as he flushed deeply. “W-Why did you take so long?”

“…I am a lion NOT a housecat!” Cullen affirmed as he kissed the mage a second time. They winched when their teeth clashed in a surge of pain and noise. He pulled away from the mage with a sheepish look. He then moved in for a third kiss but Josh kept the overeager ex-templar at bay with his arm.

“Wait- what?” Joshua asked as he turned quickly and pointed to the tavern, there the elven prankster was dancing drunkenly, cheering them on with an equally drunk Dagna. “ _Fenedhis lasa_ \- SERA I am going to kill you!  _Fen’Harel ma halam!_ ”

The archer pulled down her pants as Joshua ran after her. She shot him a few raspberries as she jumped from her roof and pulled her pants back up as he followed on her tail as she ran into the main hall. She giggled all the way into the kitchens while Cullen raced into the tavern to catch Dagna before she could hide away. Sera’s giggles rang in his head as he remembered the kiss as he heard Sera screaming out in happiness.

“Eat it you arse-nots! I WON!!!”

 


	5. Follies of Good Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh realized that he was too hasty in starting a relationship with the ex-templar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this while listening to Rise Above (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell

Joshua had always known that his father hated who he was. Or…at least he thought so after all the venomous bullshit he was fed by his mother in Ostwick. He hadn’t been surprised when Mother Giselle approached him with a letter from Dorian’s family with regards to him aiding the Inquisition. The Knight-Enchanter wasn’t that close to the altus from Tevinter but he could tell that Dorian had a lot in common with him. Especially with regards to his private life and his family.

The Inquisitor was honest with Dorian and told him of the letter. The look of shock on Dorian’s face as Josh opted to go with him to the Gull and Lantern was quite comical but Josh affirmed inwardly that he would help the mage. The mage helped his sister in Redcliffe and he seemed to be a good person. It was the least the Inquisitor could do.

They arrived with Iron Bull and Sera in case it was a Venatori plot, but Dorian had his doubts. He explained that the letter was written in his father’s hand. Josh only hoped that the altus’ father wasn’t foolish enough to side with the Venatori.

It seemed that Dorian was at least correct that the so called  _family retainer_  was his father indeed. The foolish man believed that some sort of ritual had forced his son to seek shelter from him, shelter the Inquisition provided. Thankfully, Josh was quick to jump right in and explained that Dorian was there of his own volition.

The older man was about to argue when Dorian turned to his friend.

“I prefer the company of men.” The altus said with venom in his voice as he gave his father a glare. Joshua didn’t react at first. He saw the worry in Dorian’s grey eyes, but the Inquisitor gave him a knowing smile.

“So do I. Only I like women to some degree too.” Joshua said with a shrug. The Knight-Enchanter sent a look at Halward Pavus that made the old man move backward in shock. “I wish  _people_  could understand that you can’t change that about yourself.”

“I should have known what this was about.” The magister said as he stared daggers at his son then at the Inquisitor. Josh felt no shame in admitting his preferences. He was free from his family’s clutches and he was thankful that Dorian too was free to be who he was.

“No. You don’t get to judge the Inquisitor. You don’t know him!” Dorian spat has he argued with his father.

The argument intensified as cuss words and Tevene were being flung about until the Inquisitor pulled his friend aside and hushed him. He turned to the magister and hushed him too. Two Pavus’ looked at him with confusion and anger their eyes. That was until Joshua placed himself between the both of them and pulled out a leather-bound journal with the Trevelyan crest on it.

The Inquisitor held it up as he recalled Cole giving it to him a few nights back along with a letter by his mother that was never intended for him to read. It was an eye opener and made the contents of the journal so much more troubling to the Inquisitor.

“This…” The dark blonde began as he pointed to it and brought it to his chest and hugged it to his heart. He wished that it could ease the pain filling his heart but it wasn’t Callum Trevelyan’s chest. “…was my father’s journal.”

“ _Was_? Didn’t you say he was alive?” Dorian asked in a bamboozled tone. The mage glanced at his father who looked utterly confused.

“He was murdered.” Josh stammered as he looked at Dorian with shining eyes. The altus moved to hug him but the Inquisitor waved him off and pointed to the journal again. “I grew up believing my father hated me, until I found his journal and read it. It was like a veil was pulled from my eyes. I could see who the real monsters in my life were. It was never my father.”

Father and son waited as the Inquisitor continued on.

“I condemned him with my every breath. I hated him for not accepting me.  _But he did_. He didn’t know how to tell me that it was alright. He was afraid for me. He loved me and now I can’t even tell him that I’m sorry for all the things I said.” The tears began to fall but the Inquisitor continued on. “I am not justifying what your father did. I am not comparing my father to yours but please…fix things with your father before you lose each other for good.”

Dorian’s gaze softened on his father. Halward, the stern and proper man looked at the Inquisitor with sadness. Joshua turned to leave. He grabbed the door handle and looked back at the father and son giving solemn looks at each other.

“I’d give anything to see my father again. You’re lucky you still have yours.”

After the meeting with his father Dorian had thanked the Inquisitor, he told the youth that they’d speak later in Skyhold. Dorian was distracted so he took his leave and the Inquisitor took some time to explore the town while waiting for Solas to arrive.

Hours later, Joshua crouched down, recalling what it felt like to be Tranquil. A brief moment in his life sure, but it was a moment enough to shape his entire existence. They had found inside a cabin in plain sight crammed with the materials to make the Oculara: tranquil skulls affixed on a staff fitted with a looking glass. Bull rubbed at the mage’s back as he bawled into the qunari huge pants when Josh heard Solas enter the cabin.

“I don’t like them Tranquil-shites. Creepy, but this is cruel innit?”

Josh wanted to shout, but instead his tears flowed more freely. He was enveloped by Sera’s small hands along a stronger pair that wrenched him upward. He looked at Bull in confusion and the huge man merely shook his head as the Knight-Enchanter began to fight his grip.

“Come on Boss! Let me hear you! Be angry! Let it out!” Bull rasped as the mage moved with him towards the door, albeit shakily and pathetically fighting larger hands that could snap him like a twig.

“TAKE ME TO A DRAGON! I NEED TO KILL SOMETHING!” The Knight-Enchanter roared as he moved, he managed to see Sera get all giddy but also saw Solas sigh in frustration. Right at that moment, Josh needed to follow his instincts. He didn’t want to think at all and fighting a dragon would bring him the much needed excitement and adrenaline he craved to dispel his worries. He also needed Cullen, but that would come later. He would always need Cullen.

The Inquisitor was angry and in denial. He marched off with Bull and Sera in the direction of the dragon that was sighted while they still had Haven. Back then, the merry group Josh assembled was fledgling and prone to mishaps but now the inner circle was a force to be reckoned with. There were still mishaps of course but everyone learned each other’s strong points and weaknesses. They watched each other’s backs.

The great beast screamed out to its brood as Bull brought down his axe to its underbelly. Josh threw up a barrier on himself and Iron Bull as he frost stepped through its body and ran towards Solas. The dragon swept its tail in a broad arc, narrowly missing the elven apostate as Josh bull rushed him to the ground. Solas nodded in thanks as he rose to his feet and conjured up a static cage to catch the dragonlings approaching Sera’s flank.

The archer was too busy cheering Bull on as the qunari unleashed a barrage of slashes to the dragon’s underbelly. She heard too late the elven apostate’s cries of warning when she turned and screamed when she saw the salvo of fireballs approaching quickly. The electric cage caught the beasts but failed to stop their fireballs. The Inquisitor saw Sera lift her hands to shield herself so he darted to her with his frost step. Joshua stood in front of her and swung his spirit blade, easily deflecting the fireballs. He then pushed his palm to the ground and flicked his wrist as three ice mines appeared in front of the archer.

“Thanks, Josh-Posh!” She shouted as she tossed on a lightning flask and let loose a series of ice arrows at the dragonlings. Josh nodded to her wordlessly as he fade cloaked back to Bull’s side and moved without  thinking, each action as impulses so he could return to his Commander alive.

 

 ---

 

After hearing about the  _amazing_ battle between the Inquisitor, his allies and a dragon from Iron Bull and Sera, Cullen had decided to ask Solas the truth because Joshua was too distraught to talk about it and the other two only spoke about how awesome the battle was and not really what happened that made the mage go off to kill a bloody dragon.

Solas spared no detail of the intense battle and Cullen regretted asking because he worried over his friend’s safety. But what made Cullen even more worried was when Solas told him what was discovered in Redcliffe.

“The Oculara are made from the skulls of the Tranquil, killed in the exact moment of demonic possession. The cabin had dozens of skulls, all failed attempts. Imagine how much more were killed that we do not know of. What I do not understand is his reaction to it all.”

Cullen waited for the elf to finish his sentence. He thought about it for a while and he nodded to himself when he affirmed that Solas was trustworthy. He found the Inquisition a new home, he kept Joshua alive after Haven’s destruction and he noticed the bromance between the rift mage and the Knight-Enchanter. His intial jealousy was misplaced as Solas was a good friend and nothing more.

He invited the fade expert to his tower and asked the elf to sit down. The bald elf looked at him with concern as the ex-templar leaned back onto his desk. It was wobbly for some reason and it infuriated him, but such feelings were not important.

“You are his friend and you deserve to know.” Cullen began as he looked at the elf. His voice gave way but he steeled himself to say the words. “Joshua…was Tranquil. It was for a brief moment during his Harrowing but it happened and I…just want him to feel safe.”

Solas didn’t look surprised at all when Cullen finished explaining what happened during the mage’s Harrowing according to Lydia. He looked at the Commander for a moment with a grin on his thin lips.

“Then there is something you deserve to know for such honesty, Commander. You care for him and as such, you need to know the truth of matters.” Solas said as he moved over to the door leading to Joshua’s tower. Cullen at first gave the elf an askew glance but he was completely dumbstruck once the mage continued. “The Inquisitor is a Dreamer; therefore I am not surprised demons flocked to him during the Harrowing. Come, we must ease him into this. He needs us, now more than ever. He needs you, Commander.”

Cullen looked at the elf in his friend’s new quarters with concern in his eyes as Solas explained the severity of the situation to Alara and Josh. He explained that Josh was as the Tevinter Imperium called it:  _Somniari_  or Dreamer. This meant that Josh could enter the Fade without lyrium and he could befriend spirits with ease compared to other mages.

The downside, however, was that Josh was like a beacon of light in the dark. Demons saw him easily and sought to possess him no matter how far he hid in the Fade.

Alara promised to speak to Josh more in the morning and she was hinting at the kiss between the men so she left with her lover all the while giving Cullen a naughty glance. The Commander let out an exasperated sigh as the Inquisitor looked at him sheepishly.

“I think I always knew.” The mage said after the elves left him with the Commander. Josh was lying down on the loveseat Josephine ordered from Val Royeaux and Cullen had his head on his lap, rubbing circles at the younger man’s temple. “Seeing all those skulls made me realize that I could have been one of them, Dreamer or not.”

“You’re here with me.” Cullen spoke in a low tone as he pressed his lips to the Knight-Enchanter’s marked hand. “I’ll keep you safe.”

“I do feel safe here with you.” Josh smiled.

Cullen nodded as he continued rubbing circles. He let out a brief sigh as his mind got clouded by throbbing pain.

“Are the headaches back?” Joshua asked as he brushed the Commander’s hand aside and settled beside the blonde with uneasiness written all over his face. Cullen nodded.

“Now and then- I feel better when I’m around you.”

“I feel the same.” Josh said with a small chuckle as he put his head against the Commander’s shoulder. The former-templar could see that the Inquisitor relished in the safety he felt at his side, but he suddenly bolted up and shot Cullen a wicked grin.

“Why don’t we spar?”

Cullen turned to the younger man bamboozled.

“The garden bell rang once; you’re going to the Western Approach at seven bells. Don’t you think sleeping together is the better option?”  The Inquisitor’s cheeks reddened when he heard Cullen speak.

“Commander!? That is- You’re so forward!”

“I didn’t mean it like  _that-_ _although…now that you bring it up…_ _”_

“Oh come on Cullen…I really miss sparring with you. Please?”

“…Fine.”

Cullen let out a sigh as he pointed to the door leading to the battlement between their towers. Josh jumped to his feet and grabbed his practice staff from its wall-stand. The Commander shook his head and hurried over to his tower to find his practice sword and shield, a heavy set of wooden weapons used when sparring with his soldiers. He pulled off his armor but left on the loose tunic underneath as he raced outside. Josh stood, leaning against the battlement. His body was clad in the black tunic he remembered the Inquisitor wearing when had met with Hawke for breakfast; however he wasn’t wearing his greaves, just the boots and breeches.

The Knight-Enchanter gave him a playful grin as he brandished his staff and held it in a combat ready stance.

“I have an idea, Commander.” Joshua said as he circled the Commander who raised his shield to block a blow to his midsection. Cullen retorted with a quick slash but the Knight-Enchanter flicked his wrist and brought the staff up in time to deflect the wooden sword. “Ooh, Feisty!”

“I do my best, Inquisitor.” The former templar said as he circled the mage, waiting for an opening as Joshua strafed to his left and slid to the ground, he brought the staff sharply to Cullen’s legs and struck hard.

Cullen found himself on his back and let out a small yelp, Joshua jumped back to his feet and lifted his staff to strike. Cullen was quick though. He angled his shield just right and pushed upward. Josh fell off balance, giving the Commander a chance to recover to his feet.

“W-What was your idea?” Cullen huffed as he looked at the mage in front of him with a grin. Both of them were beginning to work up a sweat, but the spar was far from over. Joshua rushed him with a salvo of spinning strikes, pushing Cullen backward as he blocked each strike with finesse.

“We…” The mage started as Cullen blocked a blow and pushed back with the shield. He bashed forward each time the Knight-Enchanter stuck, opening up room for movement out of the corner the Commander was in. “…start a tournament between Inquisition members- Paired combat. It will help with camaraderie and let’s face it, we’ll win.”

Cullen shook his head as he parried a blow to his neck and pushed forward; Josh shielded his face from the wall and slid between the Commander’s legs much to Cullen’s dismay. He jumped up and renewed his assault with an overhead thrust. The Commander rolled backward and found himself back in the corner, the mage let out a brief titter when Cullen realized where he was again.

“You forget, Inquisitor…” Cullen said as Josh dashed at him. “Iron Bull and Sera worked on that weird tactic of theirs, Dorian and Bethany seem to be working together quite well regarding their odd mix of force and necromancy and Solas and your sister have some creepy elven magic in store for everyone if we organize this.“

Cullen braced himself for impact. He was too tired to fight on but he would not go down without a fight. With the last of his strength he pushed back at the last second, toppling Josh onto his back. He leapt onto the mage and brought his wooden sword to the mage’s neck. Josh flushed as Cullen gave him a dominating growl as he straddled the mage; a feeling of satisfaction filled him as the Inquisitor looked at him in disbelief.

“I believe this match is mine.” The ex-templar said as he was about to get up and help the mage but he felt something hard beneath him.

“It’s a draw, Commander.” Josh affirmed as Cullen saw the staff, below his groin ready to be brought upward. Cullen flushed at the mage as he got off the younger man and looked at him with a perplexed look.

“That’s cheating.”

“No- Just because I’m a Knight-Enchanter doesn’t mean I  _have_  to fight fair you know.” Josh said as he wiped at the sweat on his brow. Both of them were drenched in sweat and dirt, so Josh moved back to his tower to get some towels.  He gave Cullen an amused grin when he saw the Commander, all roughed up, following him into his laboratory. “You’re stronger than me, Cullen. I have to make up for that with other means.”

“True…Aah!” Cullen cringed as he felt ice envelop his body. He watched as the dirty ice fell away and he wiped at his clothes before the dampness set in. “That’s an ingenious spell, but I fear I will never get used to that horrid feeling.”

He watched as Josh cast the spell on himself and wiped the ice away without much effort.

“Understandable. Magic is…uncomfortable.” Josh said with slight redness creeping onto his neck.

“Uncomfortable?”

“Yes. It’s like…magic is an extension of yourself but…it’s hard to tell it what to do. Imagine a hand that doesn’t always respond the way you want it to. A lot of training goes into mastering it. Even then, it’s…vexing. I feel it all the time.” Josh said with a shrug as he took the towels from the Commander and shot the blonde a determined look and threw the towels into his laundry pile.

Cullen nodded to him, recalling how the apprentices trained rigorously while he watched for any signs of trouble. The former-templar blocked out his memories before he developed a headache. He wanted to tell Joshua about Kinloch Hold but the memories were too fresh, too painful to recall with the chance of becoming the man he was back then: The templar who asked Neria Surana to kill every mage that was left in tower.

“So can we do it together?” Josh said excitedly, pulling Cullen out of his thoughts. He looked at the Knight-Enchanter for a moment as he took in the words and burst out laughing as he beamed at Josh all the while blushing when he heard the garden bell chime three times.

“Now who’s the forward one?”

“T-The tournament you ass.”

Cullen nodded as the Knight-Enchanter led him up the ladder and he found himself in a room filled with blue drapes and lanterns hanging everywhere and a large mattress on the floor. Cullen let out a chuckle as Josh flushed with embarrassment.

“…I like blue.”

“I can see that.”                                     

“Just ugh… M-Make yourself comfortable. At least there are no leaks here, or the pesky morning sun.” The Knight-Enchanter said as he looked outside through the window. Cullen moved behind him and hugged his lean frame, his larger, taller frame enveloping the mage as he heard Josh sigh contently. The musk of their fight was gone but he always wondered how Joshua had managed to smell like roses every day as he inhaled the dark blonde’s hair.

“Be careful today. Hawke sounded worried in his last letter.”

“I will, Cullen. Keep Sera out of trouble for me, please.” Josh murmured as he turned around and hugged at the Commander’s chest, Cullen delighted in the feeling of Joshua’s smaller hands roaming his back as they remained in the embrace.

“She’s not going with you?” Cullen uttered with horror in his voice. Josh let out a laugh as he led the Commander to the mattress and they undressed to their sleeping underclothes and lay beside each other.

“Don’t worry. She likes you. Her pranks are her way of saying that she approves of you. She’s…Sera. Love that about her. You realize she was watching our little spar with Dagna and a handful of scouts? She has a thing for our Arcanist…and voyeurism it seems.” Joshua assured the ex-templar as he squeezed the blonde’s hand.

“I find that rather pleasing to hear. I remember Dagna from Kinloch Hold. It was a dark time. I’m glad she found someone, even if it is that mad elf.”

“Don’t let Sera hear you say that.”

“Why?”

“That wobbles in your desk? My doing- her plan.”

“W-What?” Cullen bolted up and gave the dark-blonde a shocked look. “Why?!”

“It’s weird, but her pranks made you more…approachable. The soldiers were afraid of you. Now you’re not just their scary, good-looking Commander, you’re a person.” Josh said as he drew Cullen back down to the bed and gave him a sleepy smile as he kissed the Commander’s hand. “Admittedly, I should have used the bucket of water on you rather than Josephine. The soldiers’ day would have been made. Mine as well. I wouldn’t have minded seeing you…shirtless.”

The Commander grinned and moved to pull off his undershirt but the mage stopped him with a hand to his chest and a kiss to his lips. It was a small peck that made Cullen giggle.

“Why did you stop me?”

“I don’t want to rush things, Cullen. I don’t mind waiting. After all…” Josh kissed Cullen’s scar and smiled. “I am yours, Commander and I’m not going anywhere.”

 

\---

 

Cullen waited eagerly in the gardens with Sera as Josh was set to arrive soon from the Western Approach with Hawke and company. He took his sister, Solas, Bethany and Blackwall with him so Cullen was sure the Inquisitor wasn’t in danger with them around to keep an eye on him.

Sera decided to harass poor Mother Giselle. Surprisingly, the older woman managed to get the giddy elf to sit down and listen. In a way, Mother Giselle reminded him of Wynne, the healer who helped Neria to stop Uldred from taking over Kinloch Hold.

Immediately, Cullen felt his head throb. He blocked out the memories of that horrible time and he looked over at the door to the main hall with a scowl. A few nobles hung around there but Josh didn’t appear. He hoped Josh got his message via raven and that he didn’t look like a fool sitting in the garden with a mad blonde.

“Is this seat taken?” A woman asked in a sweet tone. Her voice was familiar yet new. He nodded as he turned to face the new arrival. When he caught sight of her brown ponytail and her speckled blue-green eyes, he immediately flushed and stammered as the memories flooded his mind.

“Neria Surana?!”

“Commander Cullen.” The elven warden nodded as she turned to him and extended her hand. “I…was worried about you, Ser Rutherford. You look good.”

“You as well, Warden-Commander.”

The ex-templar shook her hand and pointed to the space beside him. She sat down and gave him a smile as she pushed her hair behind her ear and watched his gaze fall on the door when Josh appeared and winked at him. Cullen couldn’t help up perk up at Josh’s sudden appearance.

“I didn’t think you liked people like him. You liked me after all.”

“Neither did I. People change I guess.”

“I guess they do.” Neria said as she waved to Josh as the Knight-Enchanter approached.  He looked confused.

“I didn’t know the two of you knew each other.” He said as he sent a perplexed glance Cullen’s way. The Commander let out a sigh and explained that he was the one who was assigned to strike the killing blow if Neria failed her Harrowing. He didn’t go into detail over what happened but Josh could see it was a raw wound so he stopped prying. The former-templar loved that about the Inquisitor. He was considerate of others’ feelings.

Sera walked over and almost tripped over a rock as she made a double take when she saw Neria. Sera practically skipped over and shoved herself behind Cullen and Neria on the bench. The Commander had to jump up when it got too tight and Josh shook his head with amusement as Cullen mouthed a low cuss.

“It’s you innit? The Hero of Ferelden? Name’s Jenny. I’m a Sera.” She said as she feverishly as she shook the elven healer’s hand. Neria shot Cullen and the Inquisitor a surprised look. “No wait- wrong way around…sorry.”

“Your name’s Sera and you’re a Jenny? As in  _Red Jenny_?”

“Yeah! You know my people?”

“Not really. I delivered a small painted box to one in Denerim though.” Neria said as she scratched at the underside of her chin with her leather glove.

“That was mine yeah!” Sera cooed as she pulled Neria to her feet and danced about with her. Cullen and Josh looked on with amusement as the Red Jenny twirled about with the elven healer who looked mortified. “Shite- I played with a box the Hero of Ferelden delivered!”

“That’s our  _Welcome to the Inquisition_  dance.” Josh said, giggling as he whispered into Cullen’s ear. “Did you miss me?”

The former-templar nodded at his question eagerly, reminding himself of the emptiness that existed in his heart only when Josh wasn’t around to salve the pain that filled his mind from time to time.

Sera ended up taking Neria to the spymaster much to the healer’s delight but the Knight-Enchanter had a sinister smile on his face as he turned to Cullen and pulled him over to the tavern. Cullen resigned himself to go off with Josh for breakfast.

When they got there, Maryden was singing “ _I Am The One_ ”, an old Elvhen song that Josh seemed to be familiar with as he hummed it to himself and explained it to the Commander. He pulled Cullen over to the stairs and waved at Bull. Cullen looked over at the bar and saw a familiar red-haired dwarf drinking himself into a stupor and a blonde elf tapping her foot impatiently with a snarl on her face. Their eyes met and the sheer hostility in her eyes made him look away. She was Dalish, the tattoos on her face made that clear as day.

With their hands still entwined, the Knight-Enchanter moved them over to a vacant booth and waved down Felissa. After Haven, she opted to help Cabot run the Herald’s Rest and as it was, the two of them were doing a fine job.

Cullen ordered some veal and a tankard of ale while Josh ordered a green salad and some wine. They ate slowly, trading quips and shy glances at each other. Josh told him that he wanted some time with the Commander before they went to the war room to discuss Neria’s findings.

“I would like that… Um…w-why are the soldiers looking at me like that?” Cullen asked as he flushed a shade of red when he caught sight of some of his men and women staring and gossiping amongst themselves. “I come here all the time.”

“Alone. You come here alone. The only other person you eat with is…well- me.” Josh said with a sheepish look. “Dorian says that people are talking about us.”

“Of course he would. He talks about us all the bloody time.”

“Actually, no- Mother Giselle was the one talking.” Josh spoke with amusement in his voice. The Commander looked at him with confusion. “She’s…worried that we might be too close.”

“Too close?” Cullen couldn’t help but smirk. Granted, they cuddled most nights, kissed and held onto each other but they didn’t delve yet into intimate affairs like love making and such. The very thought of love making made the Commander’s palms grow clammy as heat traveled to his lower region and made his pants quite uncomfortable.

“Well, we share a bed now and then.” Josh said with redness creeping up his neck to his ears. “People assume.”

“…Assume that we’re more than friends? Nothing happens in bed, aside from a few kisses…”

Josh shrugged and gave Cullen a serious look. The templar caught into it and looked at Joshua with concern.

“Dorian heard the soldiers talking. They think we’ve bedded each other.” Cullen’s face lit ablaze as Josh finished his sentence. Josh too, blushed like there was no tomorrow. Cullen felt his groin stir even more than before and he hoped to the Maker that the Inquisitor didn’t notice how he was trying to hide his arousal. “Which reminds me, as a templar…have you taken a vow of celibacy? There were a few in Ostwick that did so.”

Maker’s breath… The mage had the worst of timing with such questions.

“N-No! C-Could we talk about something else?”

The Knight-Enchanter nodded and watched the Commander blush with amusement. Cullen changed the topic to the Inquisitor’s stance on Blood Magic since the Warden-Commander was around and was quite skilled at Blood Magic. He didn’t want the mage to ever consider it. The youth gave him a thoughtful look and grinned at him.

“Worried I might turn to it in the near future?”

“Yes. You’re a great mage, so you’d never need it. Blood magic is evil. It corrupts people.” The ex-templar said as he took Josh’s free hand and clasped it in his larger hand. The Knight-Enchanter looked up at him and smiled.

“Neria uses Blood Magic and she’s an accomplished healer. Bethany got mortally wounded during our scuffle with the Venatori. Neria patched her right up from the brink. Cut her own hand, used her life essence to save her. Just shows you, Blood Magic doesn’t define the user. You choose how to use it, for good or ill.”

Cullen merely nodded. He remembered Kinloch Hold and it was horrifying. What those Blood Mages did was wrong in every way but he remembered Neria and her “benign” Blood Magic.

 _“Oh Neria. Sweet on the tongue but so bitter. I loved her but she loved the bard. Desire takes her guise and tempts me. Silken dress sliding down shoulders. Naked and wanting. It is not her. Will her away. She is not real. She never loved you. This is a demon. Do not touch me! NO! LEAVE ME!”_  Compasssion said, breaking the silence.

“That’s quite enough Cole.” Josh sneered as he left a coin purse on the table and got up from the booth. The spirit gave him a confused look and looked at Cullen. The Commander was dumbstruck as Josh left the tavern in a haze of motion.

“You’re…hurting. The halla wants the lion to be with his wolf. She’s sorry.” Cole said as he vanished. Cullen raced after the youth when he realized what Cole had done, unknowingly but it was done. He found Josh staring out in the distance at battlement between their towers. He gave Cullen a sad look as he shook his head in disbelief, his lips pulled into a frown.

“Were you ever going to tell me,  _ma vhenan?”_

Cullen looked at him in agony, he didn’t know what  _ma vhenan_  meant. He moved closer to cup youth’s cheek with his hand but Josh pushed him away.

“I know what happened there with Neria, she told me because- well you’re  _you_. I waited for you to open up but you never did. I know you’ve suffered but I…” Josh spoke as he turned away from the Commander with a sad yelp. “I can help you, but only if you allow me to, Cullen.”

Cullen shook his head as he gave the youth a sad smile. His head was throbbing with pain as he looked at the mage in front of him.

“It’s too raw. Sometimes I feel like I’m still there.” Cullen said as he clasped his hand with his friends but Josh pulled away and had tears in his eyes.

“I don’t think we’re ready for this, Cullen.” Josh said as he gave the ex-templar a look of woe. “I love you, but this is a two-person dance. As it is…I think it would be better if we remained friends. I can’t watch you suffer and not want to help. It would kill me to not try. I will wait for when you're ready, but not forever. My heart is too frail to survive having it broken by you, _ma vhenan_.”

Cullen watched wordlessly as Josh retreated into his tower. He stood outside looking at his door half expecting the youth to return but he had never appeared. He then realized that Josh had ended things with him and it tore at his heart because he knew it was his own fault. Josh wanted honesty and most importantly, he wanted to help. But Cullen knew in his heart that Josh could never help him. It was something that he had to get over himself. And knowing that killed him inside far worse than lyrium withdrawal ever could.

 

\---

 

It was a day before the march to Adamant. The Inquisitor had assembled his inner circle and advisors and shut the doors to his tower and locked them. Everyone looked at him expectantly yet whispering amongst each other until the youth cleared his throat after a quick chat with Solas and his sister in a private corner.

“I’ve called you all here because I have some things to share with all of you. You are my inner circle but more importantly, you’re like family. I can’t keep secrets from family.” The youth began as Sera and Iron Bull gave him sly nods. Vivienne let out a slight hiss as she shook her head. Josh pointed to his lab and to the chairs he set up for the meeting. “Sit down, all of you. This will take a while and will shock you.”

The Knight-Enchanter explained his predicament: A former-tranquil Dreamer. The looks on his friends’ faces made him cringe, some like Dorian looked astonished. Others like Sera looked fearful. The one person he didn’t look at was Cullen because he made it his mission to avoid the Commander at all costs. He feared that at a single glance, he would give in to Cullen and he could not do that. Cullen needed help. If not Josh, then he needed to help himself at the very least.

Then the questions came, luckily Solas was there to help with that. He gave the youth a nod as Josh climbed up to his mattress and threw himself down onto the soft down pillows. He silently thanked Vivienne for the silence spell she placed on the second floor, so he didn’t have to hear all the questions being asked of the elven apostate.

He heard the trapdoor unlock and watched red hair pop out of the hatchway. He heard Cole speak to the inner circle but it was cut off when Alara shut the trapdoor and locked it. She settled down beside him and hugged at his chest. He didn’t notice her sketchbook next to her lithe form on the oversized mattress.

“That…was brave.”

“They deserved to know.”

“Still- It was brave.” She managed to say as she picked up the sketchbook hesitantly.

“Brother…” She began as she pushed a rebellious strand of hair back into her bun. “I think you should repair your relationship with Cullen.”

The Knight-Enchanter shot her a questioning look as he sat up against the wall and beckoned her to follow suit. She did and she put the sketchbook in her lap as she leaned against his shoulder.

“Dorian and I lied to you, you know. About the future we saw at Redcliffe. We…uh left out some details.”

“Why?” Josh asked her without any hint of anger in his voice. It echoed of disappointment but not anger.

She opened the sketchbook and allowed her brother to page through it as she watched his confused look change to one of wonder.

Josh was amazed at the detail she captured when drawing with charcoal, no doubt her eidetic memory helped, but it unsettled him that she was drawing Red Templars and the Venatori too.

He saw some sketches of Solas and Sera- Even some of Dorian with his moustache and impeccable style. And then he saw Cullen, caught in perfect handsomeness, standing with his hand on his sword as he usually did. The accuracy she had made him blush as every curve, every line was in its place and made the youth blush as if he was really looking at the handsome Commander in person.

“W-Why are you-“

“Keep going.” Alara said as she nudged him on with her elbow. She had a solemn look as she looked away towards the lanterns overhead and ruminated aloud. “This roof…reminds me of the night sky.”

The images started to become darker. Halls of a great castle covered in crystal. He saw men and women leaning against walls, their lower halves made from Red Lyrium. He let out a gasp when he saw Fiona amongst them and Barris dragging a prisoner away with Red Lyrium growing out of his skull. He saw a drawing of Dorian pointing at someone with their back towards the altus.

In the next picture, the person had turned around but the man was hooded and was gone in the next drawing. He was wearing a wolf-like overcoat and a spear as he disappeared from the next few sketches only to return again, as mysterious as he was in the first sketch he appeared in but there was a familiarity about the man. Josh felt that he knew who it was but the name was on the tip of his tongue and for the life of him- he could not find it.

He saw a sketch of Leliana with fire in her eyes. Her face, shriveled from Alexius grafting her skin to his son to keep poor Felix alive. Her body was bruised and beaten and Josh felt his eyes begin to water as he paged onward.

Finally, after a few drawings of Redcliffe Castle’s main hall, he saw a picture of Cullen standing near a vein of Red Lyrium. His back was towards the group. In the next sketch, he was still facing away from Alara but Josh noticed a protruding crystal in his back as the group got closer. When he saw the next sketch, Josh dropped the sketchbook and clutched his marked hand in pain as he pointed to the disfigured face staring up at him, his mind burning from the mere fact that Alara saw Cullen in that condition.

“Cullen…” Josh managed to bawl as he touched the page, crying. Cullen’s handsome face was covered in Red Lyrium, the stuff grew out of his back and his right side of his body was naked and made from crystal. The white of his eyes were black and his normally brown irises seethed red. It wasn’t a pretty sight. “Y-You saw him like this?”

“Yes.” Alara said as she moved over to him and pointed to the book. “There’s more. You killed everyone in the Inner Circle when Cullen was taken by Corypheus. It…broke you but the Red took you in front of him. He lamented over and over for not telling you something while you were alive. He asked me to tell the present you if the present him could not.”

“…What did he want me to know?” Josh asked as he looked at his sister with a look of horror. The moment she spoke, his eyes welled up with tears and he broke down crying.

 _“I love you.”_ She mouthed as she hugged at her brother and wiped at his tears. “You are his Dirthamen as he is your Falon’Din; light and dark, mage and templar; a single coin, but two different sides. You need him and he needs you: To be whole again.”

 

\---

 

The night before the march to Adamant, Cullen was praying for himself and Josh at the garden chapel, a place of safety that he could retreat to whenever he grew tired of his burdens as Commander and especially when his Lyrium withdrawals got the better of him. However, that night the silence was despoiled after his prayer by a Grey Warden.

While turning to leave, Blackwall dashed inside the chapel, an angry snarl on his face as he barred the way and made the Commander look at him with a confused look.

“Is there something I can-“

“Are you sleeping with the Inquisitor?”

“What?!” Cullen asked, a twinge of horror ran through his body as he took in Blackwall’s harsh tone. The sheer implication of what he said made Cullen see red as he glared at the Grey Warden. “What Josh and I do is our business!”

“The whole fortress is discussing the possible ways the two of you have done it! Not only that- They’re speculating how many times per day you’re doing it!”

“WHAT!?”

“Commander, you need to put an end to this nonsense. You cannot be with a man!” Blackwall shouted as he pointed to Cullen. The former-templar scoffed and shook his head in anger as he felt his insides turn in disgust as he internalized what the man had said.

“Do not tell me what I should do, Blackwall. I am Commander of the Inquisition’s forces. I report to the Inquisitor, not you. There is nothing wrong with my relationship with Joshua.”

Both men snarled as Cassandra announced her presence as she entered the chapel and got an angry look from the Grey Warden as she shut the door behind her.

“It is not natural, Commander. It just isn’t.” Blackwall hissed as he pointed to the statue of Andraste. Cullen folded his arms and glowered at the bearded man. “I will follow him and I will protect him to my last breath but I cannot and I will not condone what people are saying about him- and you!”

“We are comrades-in-arms; nothing more, nothing less.” Cullen spat as he turned his gaze to Cassandra. She nodded.

“Warden Blackwall, what is the issue here?” Cassandra asked as she turned to the veteran warden. He gave her a shallow look as he paced about and pointed to the Commander in anger.

“There are rumors that Cullen has…bedded the Inquisitor.” The bearded warrior croaked as he glared at the Commander. Cullen merely scoffed and looked at Cassandra with an unreadable expression as he denied the rumors.

An argument ensued. Cassandra shook her head in frustration. She cussed as she placed herself between the men and shouted.

“Maker’s mercy! Have you two no respect for Andraste? How is this any different from my relationship with Hawke?!” She cried as she hushed both men and called over Mother Giselle from tending the garden. The old woman stepped inside the chapel and gave the men a confused look as Cassandra breathed smoke from her nostrils.

The Seeker explained the situation to Mother Giselle and the old woman wordlessly listened. She then allowed Cullen to make his case then Ser Blackwall. When all was said and done, she smiled to herself and pointed to Blackwall.

“Ser Blackwall, do you consider yourself an Andrastrian?”

The Warden looked at her in confusion. He nodded vigorously. The old chantry mother placed herself at the statue of Andraste and nodded to Cassandra in approval as she turned to the men in front of her.

 

        _You have walked beside me_

_Down the paths where a thousand arrows sought my flesh,_

_You have stood with me when all others_

_Have forsaken me,_

_I have faced armies_

_With you as my shield,_

_And though I bear scars beyond counting, nothing_

_Can break me except Your absence._

_Trials 1:5 – 1:6_

Cullen knew those verses well. He often recited them when he felt uneasy about his relationship with Josh. It always alleviated his burden and made him see the bigger picture: that in a way, Cullen was holding the Inquisitor together, instilling bravery and hope in him to face the Elder One.

“Does this not sound familiar, Warden?” The chantry mother asked with a small grin on her wrinkled lips. Blackwall fell silent and the old woman approached him. “We like to think of Andraste as a fearsome warrior, prophetess of the Maker, His bride. We like to think that she carried the Chant of Light on her own but that is not true.”

The old woman turned to Cullen and smiled at him warmly, he looked at her somewhat comforted.

“What I have recited is between the Maker and Andraste. But we must use the proper context to understand the meaning I am trying to bring forward. The context is clear here: the Inquisitor faced an army alone. He would have died alone but the Commander stood with him and together they overcame the trials of that arduous day, when Haven was taken from us. Together, they are a force to be reckoned with. Do you not see? Love is a force greater than evil. It conquers all.”

“You shame me, Revered Mother.” Blackwall uttered as he moved over to the door with redness creeping up his ears. Cullen had to admit, the woman had a way of making people see her way of things. He didn’t consider how empowering it was that he; the Commander and Josh; the now-Inquisitor faced the Elder One and lived to tell the tale simply because they didn’t consider leaving each other behind at all. “I…see the wisdom in your words. Thank you.”

“It is no problem Warden, so long as you try to understand.” Mother Giselle said as she waited for Blackwall to leave. “It seems I was wrong about you and the Inquisitor.”

“How so?” Cullen asked with a nervous gulp. Cassandra placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him an approving nod.

“I believed that the two of you as lovers would be a bad thing. It is not unheard of, granted. But many consider it against nature. I am glad he’s found you, Commander. You complete each other.”

The Commander gave her a sad look as he stared at the statue of the Maker’s bride. Cassandra gave him a knowing look as she touched his shoulder again to remind him of her presence.

“What has happened?” Cassandra asked as Mother Giselle looked at him wordlessly, her face showing the barest hint of any emotion as he looked at her then at the concerned Seeker.

“We…are friends now. Nothing more, I wasn’t lying to Blackwall. It’s been such for a while now.” Cullen mouthed with a cuss. “I didn’t tell him what happened in Kinloch Hold but Neria did out of concern. He waited for me to speak about it but I didn’t. Then Cole said what I could not- The Inquisitor…he looked so disappointed in me. He understood, but he wanted to hear it from me. He said that love is a two-person dance and that he would wait for me but not forever.”

“And he is right.” Mother Giselle said as she interjected with a thoughtful expression. Cassandra turned to her with a surprised look on her face that Cullen mirrored as he too looked at the older woman. “Love is of the Maker, Commander. I cannot ascertain myself to understand everything the Chant of Light teaches but I do know love when I see it. When you forced the issue and joined the Herald in the defense of Haven, I saw the look in your eyes. You were afraid to lose him, even then.”

“I’m afraid to lose him now, Revered Mother.” Cullen said as he turned to face her. She smiled at him. “I love him. He is my friend and my companion. I could not imagine a life without him around.”

“I am pleased to hear you say that. The people speak of you two in hushed tones. Lewdly, but that is beside the point.” Mother Giselle spoke with slight hesitation. Cassandra shook her head in amusement. “Joshua is a leader and so are you. When the soldiers see your love for each other in plain sight, they are reminded of what they are fighting for and more importantly, and I think that naughty elf would agree with me, that such love makes you two more human. You’re not just a Commander and Inquisitor in love. You are people, with faults and imperfections, but knowing that in the midst of discord a beautiful thing like the love you have for each other can grow, it inspires everyone to fight on against Corypheus.”

Cullen thought on what the old woman said and he silently agreed with her. He loved Joshua. Nothing was more certain in his life. But the wounds he had were still raw. He could not open them without a chance that he might become the mage-hating templar he was before, and that troubled him immensely. He didn’t want Josh to see him like that. He didn’t want there to be a chance that Josh would become terrified of him.

Josh was his heart, for a life without him was a life without breathing, it was like Ferelden without dogs, Orlais without court intrigue, the Qunari with an Arishok or even Tevinter without Blood Magic.

He then realized the meaning of  _ma vhenan_ without knowing it.

Josh had called him:  _My_ _heart._

 


	6. Of Blood and Valor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen got to see Josh in a new light during the Siege of Adamant. He didn't mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this while listening to Sons of War (Nemesis) by Two Steps From Hell.

 On the way to Adamant, Cullen ended up seeing Joshua bump into a dalish elf, the very same one he saw in _The Herald’s Rest_. She snarled at the Inquisitor when he offered to pick up the book she dropped when they collided during a quick camp before they reached the fortress. She gave him a nasty look but the Commander could tell that his friend wasn’t swayed just yet to dislike her. The Dalish were after all mistrustful of humans. The former-templar considered intervening but knew better as he approached but remained at a distance just in case.

“ _Andaran atish’an, lethallan_.” The Knight-Enchanter said as he returned the book to her with a slight bow. The ex-templar mused over how smooth the mage’s voice sounded as he spoke elven. He didn’t understand him but the elf’s eyes widened as blush crept up her neck. “ _Ir abelas_ , my mind was elsewhere.”

“A  _shemlen_  who speaks elvhen?” She mused out loud without realizing. She smiled at him ever slightly and looked at him with curiosity, the fire in her voice and eyes died down and Cullen realized what the mage was doing.  “Creators the world is ending, I tell you!”

“ _Dirthera ar_ , what is your name,  _atisha sa_?”

“Warden Velanna. I am part of Neria’s entourage. And you  _shem_ …who are you? You mock me with your knowledge. I am...humbled that a  _shem_ knows elvhen.”

“My name is Joshua Trevelyan. You might know me as the Inquisitor, but please call me Josh.” The Knight-Enchanter said as he pointed over to a spot where they could sit and chat without any soldiers bumping into them. Before the Inquisitor caught sight of him, Cullen moved over to Rylen and sparked up an impromptu conversation.

“Commander…You do know that you can speak to him whenever you want, right?” Rylen asked with an amused look towards Joshua; he quickly turned back to Cullen as the mage looked over at them briefly and waved. The Commander’s heart quickened as he waved back and flushed.

“I um…” Cullen lost track of what he was thinking and snarled at his second-in-command. “I’m just…you know- I’m…”

“Looking out for the Inquisitor? That’s awfully nice of you.” Rylen tittered. The Commander flushed a deeper shade of red. “Now go over there and talk to him. I’m sure he’d like to speak to you too”

Cullen nodded to him, slightly encouraged but more worried as the soldier left him and he turned to the mage and elf, who were still talking.

“Impressive, for a  _shemlen_  organization.”

“I’d like it to be more than that.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. I want it to  _ghilani_ everyone to a future where we can all live in peace-”

“Inquisitor…” Cullen said as he approached with intrigue in his eyes. He wanted to cut in and speak to Josh. Perhaps even apologize. He looked over at the elf and she gave him a spiteful look as she turned to face the trees beside them. “Who is your new friend?”

“Commander Cullen, I’d like you to meet Warden Velanna. If Neria allows it, I’d like Velanna to be our envoy for the Dalish peoples of Thedas.” The youth said with a grin as he stood up and pointed to the elven girl. She blushed as he finished. Cullen opened his mouth to object but Velanna was quicker.

“ _Ir abelas_ ,  _shem_  but you are mad.” She said as she turned on her heel to leave them for her tent.

“ _Tel’abelas. Venavis. Ma halani_. We can give your people a true home, Velanna. Help us. We need people like you with fire burning inside. We can be  _sulevin ghilana hanin_! For the People!”

“You are not of the People!” She cussed as she threw him and the Commander a confused look.

“I don’t care about that. I-I want the People to have a place in this world. A home after this is all settled.” Joshua said with a slight cringe as he looked at Velanna with sadness in his eyes. “It isn’t right, what happened to the People. I just want to fix things. Hope showed me so much: What the People were; the beauty of Elvhenan. I wish the People could reclaim some that lost glory.”

Cullen was utterly lost; most of the conversation didn’t make any sense to him so he excused himself, rather disappointed that he couldn’t speak to Josh. He was afraid that he might he say something untoward that might set the elf off. Josh seemed keen to make her an Ambassador to the Dalish but he wasn’t sure why. Up until that very moment ago, he didn’t realize how invested Josh was in the elves and their history.

He thought that it was merely a hobby. After all, it was common for Josh to throw in some elven words into his regular speech.

That was until Cullen remembered that Josh had a knack for language; he stunned Iron Bull by speaking in qunlat, made Varric flinch by greeting in dwarven and gave Solas pause by speaking elven. Maybe he was just obsessed with language. It was possible that the spirit he befriended- Hope, taught him language. And that worried Cullen. What else did Hope teach the Knight-Enchanter? Blood Magic maybe?

No…He couldn’t think like that. Not Josh. Never.

Cullen stopped his train of thought before he got a headache and walked back to his tent. He met with Rylen again and his men then readied them for the coming battle with maps and diagrams to help the soldiers understand the plan he had in mind. The spymaster’s scouts sat in the meeting as they would be aiding the soldiers from afar with cover fire alongside the sappers from Jader that Josephine organized. Leliana was supposed to sit in with her archers but she was nowhere to be seen. Even Charter didn’t know where she was.

Cullen however did. Leliana was adept at fooling people but she couldn’t fool Josh. The Knight-Enchanter had mused previously over how lovey-dovey the former bard got once it was just the spymaster and the healer in a room. He happened to see an intimate kiss between the two of them by mistake and told the Commander about it in their free time.

Leliana was cold in public and playful when she needed to be but she was mostly cold. Neria would give her a lustful glance from time to time and it would go unreciprocated until they were alone.

Cullen approached an isolated tent belonging to Neria. It was largely removed from the central campsite and had a lot of birdsong near it coming from the surrounding trees. He moved to open it but felt his blood quicken as he heard a cry of pain coming from inside. He rushed in and what he saw made him gasp, blush and stammer all at once.

Leliana had Neria on top of her, their slick naked bodies grinding but it came to an abrupt stop when they heard the Commander gasp. Their eyes widened in surprise as Neria let out a curse. She jumped off the bard and covered her body with her cloak. Leliana gave the Commander a look that made him run outside in fear and shame as she threw over a loose, long tunic and gave chase.

“Blood and damnation Commander- I knew you wanted details but this is too far!” Leliana cussed as she pointed to his face with bony fingers. Her normally stylish hair was ruffled up and her body was covered in a layer of sweat.

“No! That’s not-“

“What’s going on here?” Leliana blushed as she saw Josh come their way. A few bystanders looked on but Josh shooed them to their tasks. “Is something wrong?”

“Very wrong yes! The Commander wanted details. He saw too many details!” The former bard shouted as Neria climbed out of the tent with her hair tangled and her robe dotted with creases. Josh briefly made a double take and he looked at the Commander with an amused look

“Let me take you away before you decide to join in.” He said as he ushered a flustered Cullen away from the fuming spymaster and the elf trying to calm her down. 

“I was just checking on Leliana. She missed a meeting. I heard a cry so I rushed in.” Cullen said with a sigh as he gave the Knight-Enchanter a humiliated look. “I…uh…I saw everything.”

“I would have done the same thing.” Josh said with a sly wink. “It’s natural to look, Cullen.”

The Commander flushed as he looked at his friend and tried his hardest not to blush anymore. The image of the women naked was imprinted in his mind so he found it impossible to concentrate and stop the blush on his neck and cheeks from intensifying.

In an attempt to keep Cullen’s mind off the women, they briefly went over the plans to lay siege to Adamant and the Knight-Enchanter seemed content. He told the Commander not to worry about Leliana because Charter would fill the spymaster in before the battle.

Josh led him back to camp and they stopped in front of the Inquisitor’s tent, Cullen’s was just past it near the central campsite with the rest of the advisors tents. Josh lifted open the flap and looked at Cullen expectantly. He then realized his error and flushed.

“Oh right- I’m sorry. I…forgot.”

“Would you like me to stay?” Cullen asked, his voice held hope as Josh gave him an unreadable look.

“N-No. I don’t want to impose on you,  _ma falon_.”

“Right.” The ex-templar said as he turned to leave, his heart heavy with longing.

“Cullen.” Josh spoke in a low tone. The blonde turned and watched as Josh pointed to his chest. He then hugged at his heart then pointed to the Commander, his eyes on Cullen’s as he motioned to the Commander’s heart. Cullen nodded with a grin. He returned the motion as he watched Josh smile and retire for the night. 

 

\---

 

“Watch out!” Alara yelled as she fired a barrier-imbued arrow towards Cullen, it struck unerringly and made the ex-templar flinch at first until he realized that the arrow merely sent the barrier to him and that it returned to her quiver without harming him, it formed a green barrier around the ex-templar as a shade clawed at him when he was too exhausted to block the hit. Josh appeared behind it in a flash of movement and cleaved it in half with his staff-blade with a cuss.

“Thank you.” Cullen said as Alara nodded to him and her brother. They had managed to breach the fortress but it was chaotic. Josh, ever the silver-tongued mage got the non-mage wardens to help the Inquisition with some coercion from Neria thrown in. The group then got split in half. Neria, Hawke and Stroud opted to go with the Inquisitor and his sister. Along the way, Cullen joined when he saw the battle move to the inner walls of the fortress and Rylen assumed command of the forces on the outside as Cullen waded in search of his friend.

It was irresponsible of him to go with Josh, he knew that- but the former-templar didn’t care what the others would say about his actions. All he cared about was Josh’s survival and his success and he- The Inquisition’s Commander would ensure it.

The Inner Circle and Bethany were tasked with keeping the soldiers safe. By the time they got to Clarel, most of the fighting was over with minimal causalities to the Inquisition and the non-mage wardens. Clarel, however was unmoved at first when Hawke tried to talk her down and told her mages to continue the ritual. The nearby rift groaned with power and the ex-templar caught sight of a massive demon on the other side trying to enter Thedas.

“I am Neria- Hero of Ferelden, Warden-Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens. I beseech you, Clarel! That man is a monster! He binds your mages to the will of Corypheus!” The healer cried as she pointed to Erimond who snarled at her with venom.

“Corypheus? But he’s dead!” Clarel yelped as she turned to the magister next to her, many of her wardens turned to look at the man as he merely cussed to himself.

“These fools would tell you anything to stop you Clarel. This is a demon truly worthy of your strength.” Erimond said as he shot Josh a grin. The Inquisitor lifted his hand to tell his men to stand down as he approached the Warden-Commander. Cullen wanted to stop him but Josh smiled at him slightly, Cullen immediately understood his intentions.

“I am not here to fight you! The Elder One is the real enemy here! I spared your men Clarel! I would not show such mercy to my enemies. In fact, _your_  warriors are helping _me _. He__  however is my enemy,  _our_ enemy!” He spat as he pointed to the man beside Clarel cloaked in white infused-samite. The magister merely shook his head as Clarel glared at him with fire in her eyes.

“Perhaps we should test the truth of these charges to prevent more bloodshed.” She affirmed as she looked back at Josh, her initial hostility gone and her voice filled with remorse. Erimond let out a laugh as he motioned to an unseen figure behind him and he turned back to the group before him.

“Perhaps I need to bring in a more reliable ally.”

The magister grinned as he flicked his staff over his foot and intoned a summoning spell; the sky rippled as the dragon from Haven flew down and circled the area.

“My master told me all about you, Knight-Enchanter. He sent me with some gifts for you!” He shouted as he lifted his staff to the sky and the dragon landed on the battlement tower above. Everyone scrambled for cover as it breathed red lyrium shards everywhere. Cullen pulled Josh behind him and used his shield to deflect some stray shards, the mage behind him mouthed a quick “Thanks” as Cullen looked up from behind cover and saw Clarel send a lightning bolt at the magister, knocking him prone. Then she let fly another bolt at the dragon. She enraged it and it fired a line of red lyrium as it flew across with a loud bellow, killing a dozen wardens and some Inquisition soldiers.

“Help the Inquisition!” Clarel screamed as she pointed upward and Josh nodded. He fade stepped ahead to the pride demon that jumped out of the rift and motioned to Alara and Cullen to follow him. The Commander watched as the Keeper drew her bow, intoned her spell and shot her arrow into the air.

“Devious of you, sister.” Josh said as Cullen looked back and saw Velanna impaling a group of shades with what seemed to be vines and branches coming from her body. He caught sight of a blonde mage he recognized from Kirkwall using ice and fire on the battlements on a group of demons. “I’ll flank the Pride demon. Cul, keep it busy!”

“Cul? That’s new!” Neria said as she dodged a claw from a shade. Josh moved to her side with ease and slashed it in half with his spirit blade, giving her a wordless grin as Cullen blushed. The former-templar liked the nickname the Inquisitor had given him. It was unexpected but he liked it nonetheless.

Alara imbued an arrow with an ice spell, she notched the arrow and kept it ready as Josh fade stepped and Cullen bashed his sword and shield together to goad the huge pride demon into attacking him. It made a whip out of lightning and slashed it outward but Neria was quicker. She cast a quick anti-magic ward as Cullen dashed in to strike with his blade. The lightning whip dissipated as it hit the shield and Cullen slashed hard at its legs to hobble it. He managed to bring it down and deliver even more pain to it was it reeled from his labored efforts.

Josh appeared behind it and drove his spirit blade deep into its back when it kneeled in pain. It screamed out as it lashed violently by standing up and giving the Knight-Enchanter a sharp hit to his chest. He tumbled backward as Neria gave him her hand and he lifted to his feet with her help. As it was about to turn its attention to Cullen, who admittedly wanted to tear into the demonic bastard that dared to hurt Josh, Alara fired the winter arrow, it struck the demon’s exposed chest and froze it into place, she then clicked her fingers and pointed at its head. Cullen watched in awe as it the arrow Alara fired earlier crashed down with thunderous force, completely obliterating the demon and sending it hurtling back into the Fade.

“By the Dread Wolf!  _Felassan_! The Slow Arrow! Nice!” Josh cheered as he patted her shoulder and pointed to Neria. She nodded as she cut her hand with her dagger and cast a healing spell on everyone nearby as more demons poured out. Cullen wanted to admonish Neria for using Blood Magic but thought against it when he saw how she mended the wounds of many soldiers that required immediate aid.  “Stay here. Cul and I will continue on.”

Alara nodded and the Knight Enchanter smiled as the Commander turned to him with a smirk when the ex-templar saw Solas and Cole approaching between the fighting demons, soldiers and wardens. They all nodded at each other as the others came to the rift and stayed with Alara to stabilize the area as Josh’s group followed after Clarel.

They battled through demons until they reached an area with hordes of them. Solas used a rift spell to pull the fiends together and Josh created a blizzard as Cullen charged in with Cole at his back.

“Well, if it isn’t the First Enchanter.” Cullen heard a high pitched voice speak as he turned to face the new arrival. “My heart…and you chose Ser Jason over me!”

“Linnea.” Josh said as he saw his friend tightened his grip on his staff and looked over at the dark haired woman. Her robes were covered in blood and gore and her face distorted, her hair was in patches and Cullen inwardly told himself that she was now a Desire demon’s puppet: An abomination. She barely resembled the woman she was in Haven.

“Maleficar! You were at Haven- the Elder One’s lieutenant.” Cullen roared as he dashed forward unthinkingly but Linnea was quick for a mage. She flipped backward and flicked her wrist, Solas threw up a barrier on him but the blood mage had pierced his wards and curdled the Commander’s blood. He stood upright as he twitched and screamed in agony. She didn’t notice Cole flanking her until she turned at an unnatural angle and shot him a haughty grin.

“What is this? An offering? A spirit for me to bind? Why thank you for the gift, First Enchanter.”

“NO!” Cullen saw that Josh had a brief moment to act. The Commander tried to warn Josh that she was too quick but the words would not come out. The mage let out a howl as he fade stepped in Cole’s way and fell to his knees when the blood bolt hit him with full force. It washed over him as both Cullen and Josh screamed out as the Inquisitor’s blood moved to her will.

“Cole! Run!”

"But you're hurting-"

"RUN!"                            

The spirit disappeared as Linnea turned to Solas as he conjured a wave of fire. She smirked as she leapt over it with ease and cast a glyph of neutralization and bind him to it with several glyphs of repulsion, a circle of wards that the Commander had never seen before. As far was Cullen had known from his time in Kinloch Hold, a Creationist could only maintain up to two glyphs. He inwardly affirmed that her Blood Magic allowed her to break the laws of magic that he saw firsthand in the Circle Tower.

The elven slumped down to his staff as his mana was ripped from him and Cullen watched in horror as the abomination turned back to the enthralled Knight-Enchanter.

“Now- my love; kill this foolish, foolish man. We will rule this world together as the Hands of the Elder One, but not while he yet lives.” Linnea said as she pointed to Cullen with spite in her voice as Josh got back to his feet and wordlessly manifested his spirit blade. The Commander gave him a look of disbelief as the maleficar moved over to him and lifted his neck as Josh brought his blade to it. The spirit blade hummed with energy as it rested at his neck, cold as ice as it remained there.

Its coldness reminded him that he wasn’t dreaming. His love, his one and only had a blade to his neck and that soon it would all be over. He watched in agony as Linnea whispered seductively into Josh's ear. Cullen wanted to scream and tear her into pieces but he noticed a slight movement in Josh’s pained eyes. They looked at him with the coldness of ice as his irises moved against the blood mage's influence.

Josh whispered words with much effort- and willpower to fight the blood control she had over him. It was the Litany of Adralla, Cullen knew it well. He remembered hearing Neria use it against Uldred in the Harrowing Chamber at Kinloch Hold. Between all the horrific screams coming from that chamber and the shouts of the healer Wynne to use the Litany of Adralla, Neria’s voice stood out to great effect and thus the former templar could never forget how it sounded.

The blade was suddenly ripped from the Commander’s throat; he let out a sigh of relief as he fell to his knees and watched Josh move desperately, shrieking out as he stabbed frantically at Linnea’s chest. She screamed out in terror as the blade impaled her several times. She was long dead but he continued stabbing in a killing frenzy.

“I am NOT your plaything!” He cried as he stabbed one last time and stomped her skull apart with his iron-toed boot. Cullen winched as his body began to pain all over. He felt his head spin as he keeled forward and felt blood gush out from his mouth and nose. Josh and Solas ran to his side when they heard him gurgle. Solas examined his body frantically and pushed him onto his back as Josh tried to heal him with his magic.

“F-Find Clarel.” The Commander wheezed as he coughed up blood. The magic sealed the internal wounds but they reopened within seconds as the bleeding resumed faster than before.

"No!  _Ma vhenan_ , I will save you!" Josh cried as he kept trying to heal the wounds, but to no avail.

“Hemorrhage; she was keeping him alive. Without her, the spell continues on until he bleeds dry. Blood Magic is needed to nullify the spell she used!” Solas shouted as he stood up to find Neria but Josh grabbed at his coat and shook his head in sadness. He silently cringed as manifested his spirit blade and sliced open his gauntlet, then his palm- his spirit blade turned blood-red as he focused on his life’s blood and used it to create a link between him and his Commander. Cullen looked at him in disbelief as Josh transfered his own life force to the Commander with a cry of pain, then slumped over him in fatigue when the bleeding stopped. He lifted the young mage from his body and saw tears as the youth coughed slightly and his tan skin paled.

“I’m sorry Cullen! Please forgive me! I- ” He cried solemnly as he brought his hand to Cullen’s face and cupped his bloodied cheek with blush creeping up his neck as their foreheads met. Cullen silenced him with a wild kiss and shook his head as he wiped at Josh’s tears. “Cul…I…I needed to save you! I love you! I can’t live without you! I shouldn’t have done it but I had to! Please don’t hate me for this!”

“Calm down, Josh.” Cullen smiled sadly as he hugged at the Knight-Enchanter’s body and lifted him to his feet and wiped the blood away with bandages he kept on hand. “It’s…fine. You saved me.”

Sera came running with a scowl, with Cassandra in tow. She shot Josh and Cullen a grin as they stood in each other’s arms but soon pinched their ears and got cusses and shouts from the grown men as she dragged them off, oblivious to the blood and the abomination’s corpse on the ground. Cassandra gave her an amused look until Cullen heard Solas tell her what had happened to them sans the Blood Magic Josh used, her grin fell away when she saw the body riddled with stab wounds,

“Yeah, jump each other now while there’s a friggin’ archdemon attacking us, stupid arse-nots. Come on, Clarry-whatever is waiting for us with Eri-mouthy. I need him for target practice!”

 

 ---

 

The first thing Cullen noticed when he arrived in the Fade was that he couldn't see. There was _something_ , brighter than the sun shining, blinding his eyes.

The second thing he noticed was that said _something_ was holding onto him and asking if he was alright. He nodded as the glowing figure pulled away and he saw the horrific landscape that was the Fade around him. Then panic set in: First with him, then Cole, then Sera.

The third thing he noticed was that said _something_ looked at him with happiness as it helped him to his feet. He looked into its green eyes and he backed away ever slightly when he realized who it was.

"Josh?"

"Yes, I'm here Cul." The youth nodded as he took in the area, none the wiser as his companions edged closer with curiosity. Cullen himself was at a loss for words.

"I know I asked if you glow when we met, but this is downright creepy!" Sera yelped as she pointed to him. He looked down at his chest with a confused look as Hawke and Stroud gave him a look of horror.

"Doesn't everyone glow?"

“ _Lights everywhere- lingering shadows in the light but I see the heart. Unchanging- unyielding..._ “   Cole began as he pointed to himself, he then looked at various members of the group and named the “light” Josh saw at random.

“ _Compassion. Faith, Purpose, Change, Valor…Hope._ ”

"What do you mean, Cole?" Neria asked with a bamboozled look as she approached the Knight-Enchanter and touched his skin to make sure he was really there. He flinched at the sudden contact and chuckled. "You can see people glowing?"

"I’ve always been like this, thus I assumed it was something everyone could see."

"It's…not _, lethallin_.” Solas said as he tilted his head ever slightly. “Curious. I have a hypothesis.”

The elf went into great detail as they explored the nightmarish realm. He mused over the idea that Josh as a dreamer could see the auras of others whether it be magical or merely a spirit’s presence. He likened it to a ship in the ocean during a storm. Thousands of lighthouses are visible to it but there was one in the distance that shined brighter than the others. That was why Josh glowed like the sun. He was a beacon of power to the denizens of the Fade. He couldn’t hide.

They walked up a set of stairs and encountered Divine Justinia V. Cullen wasn’t sure what to think until Josh shot him and Cassandra a look and confirmed Hawke’s suspicions: it was a spirit. It neither confirmed nor rejected the idea but it confirmed that Corypheus made the false Calling that the Warden’s heard by means of a Nightmare and that the spirit was there to help them escape.

“You must remember what happened, Inquisitor. The Nightmare has taken a small part from you.” The spirit said as it pointed to a group of wraiths that appeared from the putrid air. “These are your memories.”

The group had managed to cull the wraiths with ease and Cullen watched wordlessly as Josh absorbed their essences to remember the past. When he took in the last one, Cullen’s gut wrenched as he saw Divine Justina V, afloat in front of a group of Grey Wardens the ancient magister enthralled. Corypheus approached with the orb in his hands and held it out to the Divine and began his blood ritual. She screamed out for help and he watched as the doors flung open. He then saw Alara’s eyes widening in horror as she saw the Divine being sacrificed. She shouted to get the magister’s attention.

In that moment, the Divine slapped the orb out of Corypheus’ hands and it clattered to the ground. A battered up body curled up against it as Alara caught onto the orb with a few fingers but it was sheltered by Josh’s body. Behind them, a man was propped up against the wall, dead. Then the Conclave exploded and Cullen felt his blood churn. They had been so wary of the Knight-Enchanter at first that they treated him like a monster. Little did they know that he was beaten up and bruised, not by the jaunt through the Fade but rather by the Elder One himself. Even Cullen suspected the mage when he first arrived in Haven.

“I…” Josh stammered as he began to cry. Cullen’s arms instinctively coiled around Josh. For a moment the mage looked concerned but accepted the contact as Cullen made sure that Josh felt at ease as he continued on. “Maxwell wanted to talk to me about father but we happened to find the Elder One before he could tell me what was wrong. If Alara wasn’t there…I’d be dead.”

“More memories exist. You need to find them all before you leave- for when you leave…you will need to be whole.” Josh turned to question the spirit but she was gone.

“Those were Grey Wardens holding the Divine.” Hawke hissed as he sent a snarl Neria and Stroud’s way. Stroud began to argue with Hawke but Neria hushed him with a finger. Cullen inwardly chuckled. It was the same way she pacified the rowdy apprentice’s during her apprentice days.

“We need to get out of here. Then we can argue over who did what.”

“Agreed.” Cullen said as he kissed at Josh’s marked hand. He managed to hear Cassandra gasp as the mage flushed deeply at his public show of affection.

They traversed deeper into the Fade and Josh brought everyone to a sudden stop when he caught sight of a spirit peeking from behind a broken mirror. It moved out from behind the mirror and opened its arms in acknowledgement.

“Greetings, mortal. I am-“

“Demon! Stay back!” Cullen said as he drew his sword and pointed it to the nebulous form that manifested shortly into the form of a templar.

“ _Valor_. Not a demon. He wants to speak to you, Commander.” Josh said as he slid his hand over the Commander’s arm and eased his sword down.

“Me?” The ex-templar asked in confusion. “I am no mage. What could a spirit want from me?”

The spirit approached the former templar and kneeled.

"I have watched you since Kinloch Hold. And I want to help you." The spirit-knight said as it pointed up to the Breach, and by extension, the Black City in the distance. "You face adversity around every corner, templar. I would have you allow me to help. Your friend can repair the broken bits and we can protect him."

Cassandra gave it a sideways glance as she moved closer to it and then looked at Cullen in confusion.

"It is a benign spirit. But we must remember what happened to Anders. His emotions corrupted Justice into-"

"You speak of possession, Seeker. I speak of training and communement."

Hawke shook his head in disagreement. He argued that the spirit was playing at something that no one understood. He said that his friend Merrill said only that there were no such things as demons, only spirits; one should know better than to make deals with one. Cullen recalled the dainty, ditsy girl during his time in Kirkwall. While she wasn’t the most fearsome of mages, he had a newfound respect for her. Her realism was absolutely correct to Cullen. Spirit or demon- it didn’t matter. Both were dangerous.

Solas approached the spirit and nodded to it. He then turned to Cullen and smiled enigmatically.

"This is rare indeed, for a spirit to show an interest in a non-mage. Consider it carefully Cullen. Valor is a warrior like you. With him at your side, you'd be a force to be reckoned with." The fade expert said as Josh turned to him with a grin. He moved to the blonde's ear and whispered. Sera watched as Cullen flushed deeply with a chuckle as Josh pulled away.

"This is shite! Demon-shite!" Sera spat as she pointed to the spirit who cocked his head in confusion. "Curly-Wurly can't want that shite!"

" _Valor. Strong and fearless. Protect my friend. I must protect my friend. I love him. I want him to live. Templar. My templar_." Cole said as he appeared next to the spirit in question. They nodded at each other then looked at Cullen, their expressions, blank.

"My templar?" Cassandra asked but the spirit of Valor continued.

" _Compassion. Hopeful and helpful. Mend the hurts. Must mend his pain. I love him. I want him to live. Maleficar. My maleficar._ "

"M-Maleficar?" She pointed at Josh and he turned his gaze down to the emerald waters below as he answered her.

"Yes."

"N-No. You can't be! Shite no! Wrong! So wrong!"

Cassandra glared at him but Cullen spoke as he pulled Josh behind him to protect the smaller man from her gaze and snarled loudly.

"It was either blood magic or I'd be dead." Cullen shouted as he entwined his fingers in Josh's. The Knight-Enchanter looked at him in confusion as Cullen caressed his cheek and smiled. "He is not an evil blood mage controlling people's minds. You know him. You trusted him to lead. Do not doubt him now. If you doubt him, you doubt me."

Neria intercepted Cassandra when she moved closer to the Inquisitor and stood with her hand on Joshua's shoulder, fire burned in her eyes that made the seeker flinch. For once, Cullen was thankful for her being on his side. She was quite the spitfire if someone ever managed to anger her between her philanthropic urges.

"I turned to Blood Magic when I fought an ogre at the Tower of Ishal. I used it to keep Alistair alive as we lit the signal and luckily Flemeth saved us from the darkspawn. Tell me then, am I an evil blood mage? I healed your men with my blood! Tell me, seeker- Am I an evil fucking blood mage for helping people I care about with magic I use responsibly? Will the Chantry always see us as evil because a bunch of fools used the magic for evil? We are not them!" Neria screeched as she pointed to Josh then turned back to Valor. "This man is the most compassionate person I know, no offense to you Cole, but he saved Cullen's life and I respect him even more for that. Accept it and move on."

"I..." Cassandra stammered as she moved backward and let out a lengthy sigh. "Cullen. This spirit wants to help you. I say take its help."

"Are you sure?" The Commander asked. He saw the doubt fade from Cassandra’s eyes in a brief look that she tossed to Josh.

"No. But Joshua is a good man. If he believes it could help, I believe in him."

"You believe in a maleficar?" Josh asked with a hint of venom in his tone. The seeker nodded, garnering a scowl from Sera.

“Then I accept.” Cullen said as he approached the spirit. “How exactly does this work?”

“I train you in the Fade when you next sleep. Your friend will help you dream lucidly. Afterward, you draw on my strength when you need it. All I ask is that I be allowed to watch the Inquisition from the Fade. I have never seen so many valorous people in one place. It is utterly overwhelming! And do not worry. You will not corrupt me. I will remain at all times in the Fade. You have my word."

“Your word might not be enough.”

“A knight always keeps his word.” Valor smiled at Cullen.

 

\---

 

The group went deeper still after Valor disappeared and encountered Fearlings that took on the form of things the perceiver feared. Despite his anxiety with spiders, Josh managed to help the group out- albeit from a distance with shards of ice and blizzards.

The booming voice of the Nightmare rang out as it taunted Josh and his companions, one by one, picking at their weaknesses but they stood against it.

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford. Knight-Commander- Failure of Kinloch Hold. You will break his heart, you will take Lyrium again and Mia, Branson and Rosalie will die. You are a failure. You always will be.” It sounded out as Cullen cringed with every word spoken.

“ _Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide._ ”

“You failed the bard. You allowed her master to live. She will hound you. And you will lose her to her master eventually.”

“Keep talking, fool.” Neria snarled as she walked on.

“Knight-Enchanter. You are His herald- not Hers. The Veil will crumble and you will-“

“Shut up.” Josh cursed as he sang the Litany of Adralla to himself. He clung to Cullen’s arm and the ex-templar gave him a reassuring nod as they walked on through the hellish realm. The demon stopped talking once they reached the Divine again, overlooking a barrier. This time, he inquired about the nature of the Anchor. She explained that it was the needle that pierced the Veil and the thread that sewed it shut. She pointed to a group of wraiths and told him to do the same as before. Hawke and Stroud opted to do it this time with Neria to give the others a break but Cole jumped in to kill the wraiths more efficiently as Josh waited.

He absorbed their essences and let out a gasp as he saw what came to pass.

Everyone watched in horror as in the vision, Josh climbed frantically while Alara was tossed into a deeper, less dangerous part of the fade as she wasn’t holding the Orb properly when the explosion occurred. When the spiders closed in on him, he unleashed an ice spell below to slow their crawl and heard the Divine calling to him with her arm outstretched. He raced upward and grabbed her hand as she pulled. They collapsed in lethargy but Josh picked her up to her feet. He tried to move her with him but he heard her cry out in pain. He looked behind her and saw a spider pulling at her leg, dragging them both back to the edge.

The Divine nodded to him as she let go and told him to do the same, she then screamed for him to run. And he did. He crawled out the rift and passed out from blood loss and overexertion.

“It…was  _you_.”

“Yes.”

“The real Divine perished at the Temple. This is merely a spirit.” Stroud spoke as he turned to the group. Hawke shook his head comically as he glanced off in the distance.

“I think the Inquisitor made that abundantly clear.” He snarled as his gaze shifted to the dark-blonde who looked like he was on the verge of tears. Cullen shot him a concerned look as Josh approached the spirit. She radiated an otherworldly gold as she shed her mortal form and rose to the air, a woman clad in light gracefully hovering above the group. Sera let out a slight curse, but Josh put his hand on her shoulder and smiled at her as he turned back to the spirit.

“I thought you died, Hope.”

 “Is that my name, mortal?”

Solas moved over to Josh and pointed to the spirit tentatively as he spoke in a sad tone.

“ _Lethallin, ir abelas_  but this is a remnant of her. A fragment- You recognize her but she will not recognize you.”

“No matter. She is a friend. That much is clear.” Josh said as he turned back to the group and watched as Hawke seethed.

“Inquisitor, you risk too much to befriend spirits. They are all the same.”

“Oh? And you would happen to be an expert on this, Hawke?” Neria scoffed as she pointed to the spirit. “She is our way out of here. Spirit or demon we have to trust her and stand as a united front.”

“So says the Warden who fucking disappeared into thin air when the mage-templar war needed to be stopped!”

“You hypocrite- You tore Kirkwall apart! I earned my peace by ending the Fifth Blight. I was content finding a cure for the true Calling but no- my work was never done. Do not lecture me about disappearing, Garrett. Where the hell were you when the Chantry needed you, hmm?” Neria shouted as she moved over to the champion with gritted teeth and balled fists. She was at least a head shorter than Hawke but she looked terrifying when angry. Josh didn’t want to get on her bad side.

“I was preventing an Exalted March on Kirkwall! I had to leave!”

“Excuses!”

"People tell themselves what they need to when they do horrible things to justify it. The Grey Wardens go too far, blood mages go too far!" Hawke hissed.

"Oh? Then why help us? I'm a blood mage. The Inquisitor is one too. Why are you here?!"

“Enough. I have a headache that doesn’t want to go away because of you two lovebirds. Kiss already and let’s go! I don’t want be here any-“ Josh said but Cullen shouted his name. He jumped to action and deflected a bolt of spider venom aimed at Josh.

“The Nightmare has found us!” The spirit cried as she dissipated.

“Form up people, demons to be killed!” The Commander hissed as the others drew their weapons and prepared fight.

“I’m with you!” Neria nodded as she cut her palm and cast a rejuvenation spell on everyone.

"Time for some bloodletting!" Hawke roared as he poured a liberal amount of deathroot extract on his daggers and disappeared into a cloud of smoke from a flask he shattered.

 

\---

 

“Go! I’ll distract it!”

“No! I will!” Neria screamed as she pushed Hawke backward. Everyone else aside from Hawke, Neria and Josh made it to the rift but the giant Nightmare demon was approaching.

“Warden. The world needs you. Leliana needs you. The Inquisitor needs you. Someone once told me to jump when the time comes to find out if I could fly or not. That time is now.”

“That sounds like something Flemeth would say.” Neria mouthed as she took in the demons visage and cringed.

“Flemeth  _did_  say it.” Garrett said as he shot a grin at Josh and drew his daggers. “Look after Bethany and Varric for me. And tell Cassandra that I'm sorry.”

Before Josh could react, he felt himself being pulled by Neria to the rift as Hawke drove his daggers deep into the giant spider’s spinnerets. He let out a shout but soon Josh found himself back in Adamant. Neria let go of him, allowing him to seal the rift and banish the remaining demons back to the Fade.

Alara ran into his arms and hugged him like there was no tomorrow, he watched as Solas nodded to him from a distance. Then Bethany rushed to his side with Varric and a blonde mage following behind her. They looked at him expectantly and he confirmed their worst fear with a breaking heart: Hawke remained in the Fade to allow them a chance of escaping but it cost the rogue his life. Josh silently said a prayer for the Champion as he addressed the Wardens. Cassandra slumped down to her knees and Cullen hugged her as she cried. It was no secret that she loved Hawke dearly.

“For the Maker’s fucking sake! You didn’t listen when I warned you and now you have the blood of the Champion on your hands! Listen to me now you fucked up fools! By the authority of the Inquisition, the Grey Warden’s are exiled from Orlais and Ferelden, except those from Warden-Commander Surana’s group and Ser Blackwall. They are trustworthy. The rest must leave. When the next Blight comes, you will have your chance to redeem yourselves of this foolish mistake. LEAVE NOW!” Josh screamed in pain as his mark sparked to life.

"I...as you wish, your worship." Stroud said as he looked at Josh with sad eyes and turned to his fellow wardens.

After he calmed down, Josh held a vigil for the Champion after his speech and then sought out Cullen to talk about the casualties sustained in the battle. He was about to speak when Cullen rushed over and gave him a fiery kiss. Their tongues danced as Cullen pushed him to the wall with an audible grunt. They heard the soldiers gasping, applauding and Sera jumping up and down in excitement but they didn't care.

“I love you Josh. Maker, I am a fool. You are everything to me. I should have said it earlier… When you didn’t appear after I got back, I thought I lost you. And now we lost Hawke.”

“I’m going to miss him a lot. All this needless death…” Josh bawled. “Hold me, please.”

“Of course.” Cullen smiled as he enveloped the mage in a tight hug. Josh found himself nuzzling Cullen’s soft hair and taking in the pleasant smell he had.

“I was afraid that I might never find out how you get your hair to look so…soothingly soft. I want to touch it all day.” Josh chuckled as he stroked his gloves through the Commander’s golden mane of hair. Cullen laughed as he caught hold of the youth’s hand and brought it to his cheek, near his scarred lip as he attempted to get the mage’s mind off Hawke’s sacrifice. Josh knew what he was doing. Cullen lacked subtlety like Cassandra, but he meant well.

“Maybe one day I’ll tell you, but first we need to talk about Kinloch Hold. I owe you that at least.”

“You don’t owe me anything Cullen…I…” Josh broke down and wept against Cullen’s chest. “Please hold me. Please…I-I can’t…”

Cullen pulled Josh into a vacant room in the fortress and pushed him against a wall. The mage shuddered as the former-templar pulled him down as that Josh rested on his broad chest as Cullen rubbed at his tears. The door momentarily opened and the Inquisitor heard Cullen reprimand a scout that let as soon as he appeared. From the tone of his voice, it was the very same one that interrupted them before their first kiss on the battlements.

“I’m sorry, Cul. I-I’m so s-sorry…”

“I told you that I love you. You saved me. There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Josh blushed as Cullen nuzzled his face and allowed the mage to fall asleep in his arms.


	7. Hold and Declare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh learned that the Inquisition became his new family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this while listening to Freedom Ship (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell

True to his word, Valor appeared when Josh used his magicks to help Cullen dream lucidly. At first, the Commander was incoherent and utterly in awe of the power Josh held in his dreams but he soon settled down and the training commenced.

Valor started with simple weapons training to help Cullen get used to fighting in his dreams. The ex-templar mused over how real it felt when Valor struck him with a sword, but Josh reminded him that he’d merely wake up after taking too much pain so he had to make the most of the dream before returning to reality.

Within a few days, Cullen had begun to show an aptitude for dream sparring, and according to Josh, had gained a white glow of magic on his skin, faint- but there. He beat Valor in hand-to-hand combat but it was mostly draws when it came to armed combat as the mage explained that the Fade was quite different to a standard battlefield- that the mere fact that the Commander was an equal to the spirit was quite amazing. Cullen felt his heart fill with vigor as Josh watched from the sidelines, always cheering his best friend on as the frightening, but helpful White Wolf sat at his side vigilantly.

The former-templar noticed that the Spirit of Valor acknowledged it but kept its distance as the wolf merely stared at the spirit in curiosity as Josh rubbed at the back of one of its large white ears. Cullen however was terrified of it. It took much coaxing from Josh to allow the wolf to stay and even more for Cullen to touch the giant beast when Valor left after the rigorous training.

“You say he’s looked after you since you lost Hope?” Cullen asked as he watched the Wolf growl as a demon approached. It stopped in its tracks when it saw the great wolf bare its sharp teeth, letting out a fearsome growl. Rage fled as soon as it arrived and the men let out a chuckle as the White Wolf placed itself at their feet. They sat on some rocks near a riverbed that Josh managed to manifest as the area to train in. Cullen rather liked the fact that the mage emulated a real place. The Inquisitor…he really cared about Cullen’s comfort.

It really surprised the Commander how empathic Josh was. He was expecting the mage to look at him as less than a man for his fears and what the blood mages and demons did to him at Kinloch Hold but the Knight-Enchanter- Maker…he was so understanding and caring. He held Cullen and wordlessly consoled him.

“He has. I’m grateful. To be honest, I don’t know his name. I’m thinking of calling him  _Fen’Harel:_  The Dread Wolf.“

“You said that name before.  _Fen’Harel ma halam_ , I believe.”

“You’re unbelievably cute when you try to speak elvhen,  _ma vhenan_.” Josh slurred as he brought his lips to the Commander’s. The wolf let out a whine in disapproval as its eyes dulled and looked at the Knight-Enchanter like a parent scolding a naughty teenager. Cullen had to hold in a chuckle as he nuzzled Josh’s face and grinned instead.

“Sorry- Forgot we had an audience.” The mage sheepishly stammered as he looked over at the wolf who nodded as it turned to look out in the distance again.

“What does that phrase mean?” Cullen asked with a hint of curiosity in his voice as he pulled away from the mage slightly. He thought of asking the new dalish recruit, Loranil from the Exalted Plains but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up without looking like a fool.

“It’s a dalish curse.” Josh said as he turned to the Commander with a grin.

He went about explaining the many exploits of the Trickster God. The more Cullen heard, the more concerned he got.

“And you want to name this helpful spirit after a being like  _that_?” Cullen asked with a frown. Josh pecked him on his cheek and laughed with the Commander flushed a deep shade of red. “Seriously though, this Fen’Harel sounds like a lot of trouble. Kind of like Sera, to be honest.”

The White Wolf gave him a sideways glance as it chased off another would-be intruder. Josh let out a hearty laugh as he hugged at his friend’s muscular arm and rested his head on Cullen’s shoulder. The former-templar relished in the feeling having the Inquisitor’s head on his shoulder.

“Fen’Harel isn’t a god of trickery like the Dalish remember him. He’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“How do you know this?”

Cullen immediately regretted asking the mage. He saw Josh looked at him with a sad look in his eyes, tears threatening to form in his green eyes. However, before the Commander could comfort him, Josh looked into the distance and the tears melted as he smiled. It always concerned Cullen whenever Josh quashed his feelings.

“Hope. She…taught me much.” Josh said as he watched the wolf return and settle at their feet with a slight yawn as Cullen rubbed at its thick coat with a gloved hand. “He likes you- Trusts you, I think.”

 “You think?” Cullen tried hard to hide his concern as he quickly pulled his fingers away and gave the Knight-Enchanter a worried glare. Josh merely smiled as the wolf nudged at the Commander’s hand to make him rub at the fur again. Cullen let out a chuckle as he resumed. “He’s a bit more like a mabari than a wolf.”

“I don’t know what he is. Maybe he is Fen’Harel.”

That made Cullen pause. He looked at Josh with blush creeping up his neck as the mage looked at him seriously but his will faltered and he burst out in a giggle-fit that made Sera’s look like nothing.

“Well, if he is Fen’Harel, I’m honored.” Josh said with a sparkle in his honey-green eyes as his laughter died down. “He’s the god of Rebellion. I respect the idea of fighting to be free.”

“Free?” Cullen asked in confusion. “Free from what?”

“It’s a tale for another time.” Josh said as he pulled a drained Cullen to his feet. “I admit; I enjoyed this, Cullen.”

“So did I.” The Commander rasped as he shot the mage a dashing grin. “Though I hope Sera hasn’t snuck some earwigs into my quarters again. She likes doing that whenever we sleep at your tower.”

Josh patted him on his shoulder and gave him a genuine smile.

“Pray that she does; all the more reason for us to spend time together, Cul.”

Cullen wrapped his hands around his mage and pulled him close so that Josh could rest against his broad chest. The former-templar tittered as Josh let out a sigh as Cullen’s hands slid under the mage’s tunic and stroked at firm muscle.

“Not fair.” Josh griped as he smiled while Cullen giggled “You’re wearing armor. I can’t slide my hands under your tunic.”

 “You’ll get to feel my chest soon enough. I’m just…enjoying the opportunity to touch yours.”

“Oh Cullen…”

 

\---

 

The Commander sat with the Champion’s sister, his feelings for her long gone as she smiled at him devilishly after a brief recollection on the trouble Hawke had gotten into in Kirkwall with his old companions.

The former circle-mage giggled as the Inquisitor walked by with a distraught Cole, the mage waved and gave Cullen a debonair beam as he passed by. Bethany chuckled again as she looked back at the man she was chatting with and watched the redness creep upward with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“You know, at first I thought he was interested. I made passes at him and he seemed to enjoy the flirting but then I started to notice how he looked at you. You’re a lucky man Commander.”

“Oh I um…Thank you.”

“Why do you sound so surprised?” The raven haired mage chuckled as she tapped her fingers on the desk and watched as Cullen squirmed when it shook slightly. The ex-templar let out a deep sigh and silently cursed Sera. She really knew how to get to him. “I admit…I’m rather shocked that you like men.”

Cullen glared at her and she shrugged.

“You didn’t like men in Kirkwall.”

“Maybe it’s not that I like men, it’s that I love Josh.”

“True, but still- I’m happy for you Ser Cullen.” The mage smiled briefly but soon it fell away and she snuffled slightly.

“Are you…alright, Lady Hawke?” Cullen asked with a hint of concern in his voice. The woman waved him down and forced a smile.

“It gets better day by day and the people here are quite considerate. It’s lonely without…brother here. Being around Varric helps but…You are my dear friend as well. You used to be friends with brother and I’m pretty sure that Carver would have liked you as well. C-Can we play chess tonight again? I’d really appreciate being around someone who isn’t Varric. He’s a good friend but…I don’t want to keep hearing about brother’s exploits.” Bethany asked as she arose from her seat and moved over to the door, Cullen nodded eagerly. She smiled at him and left the ex-templar to the pile of letters on his desk with a sad look that he only caught onto as she left.

Cullen began to sift through them until he came across a name that made him cringe inwardly as he remembered all the times he neglected to inform Mia that he was alive and well.

The letter was short and to the point but it made him blush like a chantry maiden when he started to take in the words.

 

\---

 

_Dearest Brother_

_Josh? Not Lord Trevelyan? Or Ser Joshua? Not even His Worship?_

_Seriously,_ **_“I met someone. His name is Josh. We’re happy.”_ ** _is not enough. Give me more information you forgetful oaf! Like when you decided to court a man!? When did you decide that? I’m happy but Branson’s all confused now since you liked that one girl in town when we were little, but don’t worry, Rose and I are okay with it. In fact, we love it! We love you! We love Josh! Our brother finally has love in his life, who are we to question the Maker’s plans?! (And to hell with you and Branson! I am the loud one and I’m proud of it!)_

_Please Cullen, send something longer next time! Rosalie and I love to make Branson flush with redness when we gossip about_ **_our_ ** **** _Commander of the Inquisition and his dashing Inquisitor._

_Keep well brother and tell Josh I said hello. Rose and I would love to meet him one day._

_Your sister_

_Mia_

_\---_

 

 _Oh Mia._  Cullen thought as he sighed. He had written to her and he had told her about Josh in a single sentence, but he wasn’t prepared for Josh to meet with her just yet. She was nosy. She meant well but she was always trying to get information from him about his crushes and Josh took his privacy seriously. She would only cause trouble. He had a feeling however that the Inquisitor would like her despite her loudness and her inquisitiveness.

He took the letter and removed it from the rest of the pile. He’d reply after he was done with all the other letters of congratulations on the Inquisition’s victory at Adamant and a few reports from Rylen. As he was about to move on to the other letters, he saw a note written in a familiar hand. He winced as he pulled it out from the stacks of letters and cursed to himself as he took in what was written.

 

\---

 

_Cullen;_

_I will not accept a brother-in-law from you. Not after Sylvia and not after Mother and Father’s damn lectures! Leave the mage. There are countless women at Skyhold I’m sure. Just…put yourself out there. You can do better than a maleficar. (Or have you forgotten Kinloch Hold already? Am I too late Cullen? Are you his thrall?)_

_Branson_

\---

 

 _Ugh_. Cullen thought inwardly as he crumpled up the note and tossed it outside. He didn’t want anyone to catch any wind that his own brother hated the fact that the Commander and Inquisitor were often at each other’s sides. Before a headache set in, Cullen immersed himself into the reports and letters that remained unread.

By the time he was done, it was nightfall and he felt like collapsing in fatigue but he wasn’t going to stand the circle mage up, she needed a shoulder to lean on in her time of need. He made his way into the garden, despite his lethargy and played chess with Bethany. He didn’t notice Josh was gone until he retired for the night. Normally the Knight-Enchanter would be in his bedroom awaiting the Commander. They would sleep and enjoy each other’s company until sleep came but Josh wasn’t there. So he decided to see if Solas was still up.

When Cullen wandered into Solas’ quarters, he noticed the elf slipping a cup of tea with a disdained look on his face. His face however shifted to a grin when he caught sight of the ex-templar.

“Commander Cullen!” He called as he pointed to the empty seat before him and offered Cullen a cup of tea. “It seems you are not the only one who can’t sleep tonight.”

“You’re right as always, Solas.” Cullen said as he settled into the chair and took a whiff of the herbal tea and cringed when he tasted its bitterness. “You drink this swill despite the fact you hate it?”

“It’s tea; I detest the stuff.” Solas muttered as he set down the cup and gave the Commander a smile. “He’s in the Hinterlands with Alara and Cole tying up loose ends.”

“How did you-“

“It’s no secret that you share a bed. Not intimately, but as companions. Alara and I do the same. I…It’s hard to explain.”

“Oh, I understand.” Cullen said as he leaned in and placed the empty cup on Solas’ desk. The elf slipped his tea and watched as the Commander fidgeted with his pauldrons, then rubbed at the back of his neck, blush crept up his neck as he averted his eyes in embarrassment. “Could I ask you something?”

“Of course Commander, we are friends after all. Go ahead.”

“Can you tell me about Fen’Harel?”

Solas’ eyes shot open. He spat out his tea and went into a coughing fit as Cullen jumped out of his chair but Solas eased him back into it and wiped the tea he messed on his table with a cloth he kept on hand.

“Why would you want to know about the Dread Wolf,  _ma falon_?”

“ _Ma vhenan_  respects him.” Cullen said with a smug look when Solas’ looked at him with pride. He silently mused over how much he changed since meeting Josh and Solas after the Conclave’s failure. “I want to understand why. I have a feeling that understanding the Dread Wolf would help me understand  _ma vhenan_  better.”

“Then clear your head, Commander. It is a long tale and I know not all the details but I can help you understand. Come; let us walk on the battlements as we talk.”

 

\---

 

“Hold and declare.” Josh said as he brought his hand to his chest and saluted the three teenage apprentices in front of him then stood with his hands behind his back as if awaiting a response. They cocked their heads in confusion.

“What?” A red haired boy rasped as he brought a hand up to his forehead in confusion. The raven haired elf beside him let out a groan.

“Seriously Devon? The Inquisitor called for us to train and you say  _“What?”_  like some farmhand with no clue. You’re such an idiot.”

“D-Devon is not at fault.” A blonde haired girl said as she flushed a shade of red and turned back to the Inquisitor. The black-haired elf was about to object when Josh pointed to them with fire in his eyes.

“I asked for your intent. Declare it.”

“Devon Bryland of Kinloch Hold, I wish to be a Knight-Enchanter like you my lord.” Josh nodded then looked at the elf.

“Arlene of Val Chevin, my intent is to lead from the front.” Josh nodded at her and turned to the scared girl beside her. For some reason, there was something very familiar about the girl…as if he had seen her before somewhere. However, the feeling soon passed as she spoke lowly.

“B-Belle of H-Highever, my lord- I…I want to help.” Josh approached her and nodded.

“Do not be afraid, Belle. I am harsh because your enemy would kill you. I’d just give you more homework.” He scoffed as he returned to his post in front of them, he was about to commence with the first assignment when he was rudely interrupted.

“Where have you fought, Knight-Enchanter? Before the Inquisiton, I mean.” Arlene asked as she shot Josh a haughty look. He merely grinned and spoke coyly.

“I cannot say.”

“How do we know that you speak truly then? Anyone can claim to be a Knight-Enchanter.” The elf cussed as she pointed to Josh. He feinted interest and pointed to her in turn as he smiled.

“You know because I told you so, and I will teach you that same authority.”

Josh then turned as Cullen walked out of the smithy with Cassandra in tow. Cassandra approached with a small grin on her face as Cullen moved over to the apprentices and sized them up. The Commander had previously told the Inquisitor that he knew Devon from the Circle. He was a naughty boy but mostly he was harmless. He didn’t know the other two.

“Are these our new recruits?” Cullen asked as he wandered over to his friend’s side and feint a confused look. “Maker’s breath, they look like they’ve never seen a war.”

“I’ll have you know, Ser Rutherford- I have fought my fair share of templars.” Arlene said as she manifested fire and swirled it about her hand. “They rightly fear me. I can set fire to most things.”

“And I can set fire to your lyrium.” Cassandra barked as she used her gifts to do so. The elf slumped down to her feet as she clutched her hand, the fire extinguished and she let out a pathetic yelp as her fellow apprentices looked on in fear. The elf looked at the seeker, seething in anger. “Your enemy will not show you mercy, mage. Learn discipline.”

“So you’re a pyromancer? Useful but ultimately predictable.” Josh mused as he turned to the young man beside the elf. ‘What about you Devon? What’s your specialty?”

The red haired boy flicked is hands and Josh clapped when the ground formed a thick armor around his skin. He let go of the spell and everyone watched as his armor fell away. Josh nodded to him.

“Geomancy? Interesting.” Josh said as he turned to the girl from Highever. “Saving the best for last are we?”

She shook her head modestly as she threw a green ward on Josh that made him feel at ease and he grinned to himself.

“A Lifeward? You're a spirit healer- Very useful.” The Inquisitor said as he turned to his companions and spoke to them in hushed tones. He then turned back to his students and smirked.

“You will complete two tasks to deem yourself worthy to train as a Knight-Enchanter. Your first task is simple: I want you to speak to each of the Inquisition’s Inner Circle members. I want you to read into the people I consider family and I want to see why you think the Inquisition benefits from their presence and efforts. Cassandra is here now so start with her then move on to Sera in the tavern. I have business to discuss with the Commander. You will speak to him last.” The Knight-Enchanter said as he pulled Cullen away from the group and towards the tavern. Cullen gave him an amused look as Cassandra groaned in irritation when the students crowded her and she sat down on her stump near her usual haunt as they bombarded her with questions.

 Cullen moved with his friend up the stairs next to the Tavern and into the Iron Bull’s quarters. The huge man was inside the tavern with his Chargers so it was empty. Cullen was met by a feverish kiss as he moved over to the other end of the room and ended up against the wall. Joshua sighed contentedly as he pulled away from Cullen with flushed cheeks.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to kiss you today.”

“I’ve wanted to do the same.” Cullen spoke with redness covering his cheeks. Josh kissed him again and this time Cullen let out an audible groan as Josh sent a small wave of ice through the Commander’s skin. The Knight-Enchanter pulled away and pointed to the door and he pulled Cullen to follow him wordlessly. “Where are you taking me?”

“I need a favor of you. You might not like it though.” Josh said as he suddenly stopped and pointed to the next room on the battlement. He mused that his Commander must have heard the faint sound of singing coming from within, hence his immediate retreat from Josh with a scoff.

“No! Absolutely not!” Cullen hissed as he looked off into the distance so he couldn't see the puppy dog eyes the dark blonde was giving him. “I am not joining the Singquistion!”

“Oh come now! You have a lovely voice,  _ma vhenan_.” Josh said as he wrapped his hands around Cullen’s torso and stood behind him, their bodies flush against each other.

“You’re a bad man, Josh.” Cullen hissed as he clasped his fingers in Josh’s. The Knight-Enchanter kissed at his exposed neck in the spur of the moment with an amused chuckle and ended up nuzzling the former templar’s neck stubble.

“Oh?  Punish me then.”

“In private.” Cullen rasped and made the mage flush red like a tomato. “Fine. I’ll join, but only because you’d sulk all day if I don’t. I don’t like being the reason you’re sad.”

Harding beamed when Cullen opened the door. Josh moved over to the soldiers and Scout Jim as the soldiers applauded Cullen and welcomed him to the Singquisition. Josh bro-fisted the scouts as Cullen gave them all an exasperated look when Maryden ran in with the week’s song roster. It was time to sing  _Andraste’s Mabari_.

 

\---

 

Several days later, Cole came to Cullen frantically, weirdly enough though, the spirit knocked at his door when doing so. Solas explained to the former-templar that Josh asked Varric to help Cole adjust to his new human side but Cullen didn’t bother to try and understand- he’d get a headache if he did.

The former spirit pulled him towards Josh’s tower and pointed to the second floor.

“He feels wrong.  _This is not my shape. What is happening to me? This is wrong? Wrong body! Wrong!_ ”

 _No…_  Cullen thought inwardly as he scrambled up the ladder and used the spare key Josh gave him during their chat about Kinloch Hold. Once at the top, he let out a sigh when he saw no abomination. It was his worst fear to see Josh become a monster due to his magic and his dabbles in Blood Magic and luckily it did not come to pass.

“There.” Cole pointed as he climbed up to the second floor and looked over at the bundle of blankets littered with clothes and armor, some on the mattress- the rest on the floor. Cullen noticed a slight movement and heard a low sob as he approached the heap.

“Josh? Are you alright?” The Commander brought his hand to the blankets and pulled it away. What he saw made him freeze.

A large golden wolf with white paws lie nestled in the blankets. It looked at Cullen with its greenish-yellow eyes as it let out a sad whine and lifted itself to its feet. Cullen gasped as it pushed its body against his chest with a whimper. The former templar almost pushed it away in fear until he realized that it was simply seeking out his warmth.

“ _I sneezed and now there’s-_  w _rong body! Please help me, ma vhenan._ ” Cole said as he approached the wolf. It looked at Cole and nodded slightly.

“Josh?!” Cullen asked; the wolf merely licked his neck as it closed its eyes. Tears began to form so Cullen wasted no time, wiping at them with his fingers before they fell. “Cole, tell Cassandra to call for an emergency war-council here.”

The spirit nodded as he slid down the ladder and raced outside.

“Josh…” Cullen said as he settled between the blankets and placed the wolf on his lap, he stroked at the golden fur as the wolf woofed at him in thanks. “What did you get yourself into?”

Each Inner Circle member had an amused yet horrified look as they climbed the ladder and watched as Cullen stroked the wolf’s fur.

“I was reading _Swords and-_ ugh never mind. Why are we here? Oh Maker’s breath, a wolf!” Cassandra yelped as she saw the wolf and backed away.

“I don’t understand. Did Curly-Wurly get a wolf when we weren’t looking- And where’s Josh-Posh? Not sure he’d like a wolf in his bed. Creepy shite that.” Sera scoffed as she approached the wolf and rubbed at its belly. “A bit like a mabari. Cute little thing, yeah!”

“I don’t recall you ever saying Josh was cute.”

“He is cute! Kind of like this wolf!” Dorian exclaimed as he approached and knelt beside Sera. The wolf barked when Dorian tried to lift it up but Cullen stopped him and the wolf snuggled at Cullen’s chest. As much as the former-templar was afraid for his friend, he had to admit, the feeling of Josh on his chest felt good- Almost too good to share. He glared as Dorian tried to persuade him. “If he needs a home, why not give him to me? I’d love to have a dapper wolf like him at my side. He could keep Mother Giselle from clucking at me like a hen- maybe he’ll bite her a few times while he’s at it.”

Cole then spoke and what he said made everyone look at him then at the wolf in confusion. Cullen however paid them no mind. He simply continued stroking the warm, soft fur that his wolf had.

“ _Bull, I don’t want to go with Dorian. Please stop him. Cullen, you said you’d help. This isn’t helping, emma lath._ ”

“Whoa. The wolf knows my name?” Iron Bull asked.

“D-Did he just speak elven?” Josephine stammered in shock as Neria looked at the wolf in horror and pointed at Cullen.

“Commander, that’s Josh isn’t it!” The healer gasped as Sera and Dorian immediately pulled away and gave the wolf a finger wagging.

“Bad wolf! Bad Josh!”

“We need to fix this. Any ideas?” Alara asked as she approached the wolf and stroked the fur on its head.

Solas moved towards the wolf and extended his hand. It pulled away from Cullen and the keeper and rubbed it’s snout at the elf’s long fingers. Cullen felt his jealousy for the mage resurface but managed to tone it down before he said or did something untoward.

 _Solas is a friend. A good friend._ Cullen reminded himself.

“I have an idea or two. Come  _ma vhenan_ , let us chat with Dorian, Neria and Vivienne in private while the others take care of him.“ The Fade expert said with a grin as he retracted his fingers and led the mages to his rotunda. Josh let out a sad whimper as he moved back to Cullen and licked at the blonde’s neck.

“A wolf and he still can’t resist kissing you- ahem. I mean licking you.” Leliana said with an amused laugh as she returned to the rookery. Cullen’s face turned red with embarrassment as the wolf whined and gave him an amused look.

“Leliana and I will ensure that no one knows what happened. Just…take care of him, Commander.” Josephine spoke as she ushered the others out of the tower and back to their respective haunts. Sera however stayed.

She moved over to the wolf again and grinned as she knelt. Josh pulled away from the Commander and let out a sniffle as he lifted to his hind legs. He enveloped his paws on her shoulders and he felt Cullen’s hand on his spine. He found the gesture to be very sweet and tender.

“We’ll get you back to normal yeah? We can play then- don’t worry, Josh.” The Red Jenny said as she hugged at the wolf. “It’ll be alright.”

A week had went by in which Josh was confined to his tower to avoid…incidents. It was locked off and only Cullen and the Inner Circle were allowed inside. Josephine told the people that Josh was away on personal leave at Cullen’s behest.

Cullen spent as much time as possible with Josh. They would often sit in silent as the lanterns swung overhead like stars in the night sky. Cole and Alara would pop in from time to time with meals for the both of them. The former-spirit would stroke at the wolf’s fur and Josh would let out a low whine.

“He was trying to become like her.”

“Her?” Alara asked as she looked at Cole with confusion written all over her face.

“ _Dark hair and bright eyes. Witch of the Wilds. From a dream I see her, dancing in the moonlight. Wolf. Bees. Bear. Spider. Bird. Form after form I see her change. I am enticed as she flies off into the distance. Haughty and free. I want that freedom. Not just for me, but for everyone_.”

“Morrigan.” Cullen cussed as he moved over to the window and looked outside. The wolf gave him a confused look as it jumped off the mattress and rubbed at the Commander’s feet as if asking how he knew her.

“Remember Kinloch Hold? She arrived with Neria and saved the Circle. I hated her guts. She was thoroughly rude. But she was skilled.” Cullen said as he let out a scowl. “She told me that I’d end up fighting a meaningless war and I’d die in it. Well- I’m still alive so the joke’s on her.”

“Morrigan is  _Asha’bellanar_ \- I mean Flemeth’s daughter?” Alara asked as she cocked her head, looking even more perplexed. Josh began to yap and push at her with his paws. Cullen realized that Josh was trying to explain but couldn’t because he was a wolf. He turned to Cole and the spirit gave him a curious look.

“I can try. It’s harder to hear now. I have to listen over myself but I will try for him- for my friend.” Cole said as he knelt beside the wolf and it looked at him expectantly along with the Commander and keeper.

“ _She sits in the distance as the bard sings her song. Lovingly, enticingly as the camp watches on, but she shakes her head. The Left Hand knows the words but not the meaning. That is the tragedy of everything. Lore falls away and dies when mankind takes with force what he wants. In her, I see a kindred soul- A keeper of knowledge like Alara…and Cullen_.”

“Me?” Cullen asked as he pointed to himself.

“Yes.” Cole nodded as he placed his hand on the ex-templar’s shoulder. “ _Keeper of my heart:_   _I want freedom for everyone. But what is the price of true freedom?_ ”

Another week had gone by. The Inquisition had grown agitated by Josh’s absence but Josephine allayed their fears with Alara’s help. Solas finally came up with a “cure” for Josh’s condition. He took Cullen to a secluded cabin in the Hinterlands with a bag of clothes for the Inquisitor and some weapons and basic food in case of trouble. It was to last them a few days until they’d return to Skyhold to keep up Josephine’s ruse.

“Strangely, Josh is allergic to embrium. I noticed it during our trips. He’d end up sneezing for several minutes after harvesting the plant. Here’s an ointment I made from it to clear up the air passage. When you are both ready, apply it to his nose- I will not lie, he will sneeze profusely and perhaps the sounds and movements he will make will alarm you, but he will revert back to his original form. Hopefully.”

“Hopefully?! Wait!” Cullen hissed as he waved down the bald elf as the mage placed the wolf on the bed. “Where are you going? What if something bad happens?”

“I will be around,  _ma falon_. Do not worry- but this will require privacy.”

“Privacy?” Even Josh yelped in confusion as the elven apostate shook his head in amusement.

“You will understand when it happens.” Solas said with a chuckle as he pulled the door shut and disappeared into the forest.

Cullen moved over to the bed and gave the wolf an askew look as he settled down beside his friend. The wolf moved its head to his lap and let out a small whine as Cullen rubbed at the wolf’s ears and looked absentmindedly at the small vial given to him by Solas. He applied the ointment to the wolf’s nostrils. Josh began to whimper and sneeze uncontrollably as he made wheezing noises between the sneezes.

Cullen considered using more but the wolf gave him a daring look as it sneezed over and over but to no avail, Josh was still a wolf. Soon sleep claimed them both after a long night of no success.

The Commander slept soundly until he awoke to the sound of snoring and smell of roses. His amber eyes flashed open as he gently arose from the bed and looked to his right where the wolf was.

Josh lay with his back towards the entrance of the cabin. His chest faced the ex-templar and for once he got to see the toned body he craved to hold and cherish forever. The morning sunshine accentuated the Knight-Enchanter’s tan skin and allowed him to see the scars that lined his chest and the curves and taut muscle the mage had. He felt his blood rush south as his eyes trailed lower and he saw the shadows pooling on the mage’s lower body.

He considered watching the mage sleep for a while longer but he decided to throw a blanket over the sleeping Knight-Enchanter when his head began to throb with pain. He took his armor and washed at a nearby river, then returned after hunting some wild nugs and rams.

He gave Josh a cuss as he shut the door.

“Not again!”

“N-No it’s fine! Look!” Josh said as he reverted from the wolf form to his human form. However, he didn’t realize that he was stark naked. Cullen looked at him with redness all over and desire pulling at his chest as heat surged his body and his breeches became impossibly tight.

“You’re…um…You’re n-n-naked.”

“What?!” Josh shouted as he looked down and promptly used the bed as cover as he dropped down behind it. “Maker’s ass! Don’t look!”

“I thought you said looking was n-natural.” Cullen stammered as he threw the mage smallclothes from the pile to his right. Josh caught it and pulled them on quickly. He then motioned to the rest of his clothes and for Cullen to turn around afterward. The Commander obliged and turned around as Josh pulled on the loose shirt and breeches. The mage then collapsed down on the bed with an exasperated sigh with reddening flesh as he covered his eyes.

Cullen moved over to the bed and rubbed his hands through Josh’s hair with a slight chuckle, the mage let out a low cry as Cullen pulled him into his lap and kissed at his neck.

“I…I like what I saw…” Cullen breathed as the mage in his lap stirred with a girlish yelp at his remark; Josh wrapped his arms around the Commander with an ashamed look as Cullen pulled them both down to the bed so that Josh rested on his chest. He however looked away from the mage in fear that he might become undone by merely looking and imagining. “I…I was afraid.”

“Why?” Josh asked as he lifted to his friend’s height and touched his cheek. The Commander shuddered at the sudden heat in his loins as he blushed yet again and looked away in shame.

“With all that’s happened, I am utterly shaken by the idea that you might end up dead- or worse because of your magic.”

“Do you have a problem with my magic?” Josh asked as he pulled away and gave Cullen a distressed look. Cullen took his hand and kissed at it.

“No. But after Kinloch Hold, Kirkwall and Adamant…I fear that you’d hurt yourself unknowingly. I have seen magic at its best and worst. And I’ve seen you at your best and worst. I only see the good in you, but I worry.” Cullen rasped as he kissed Joshua’s forehead and hugged at the mage. However, Josh pulled away yet again and gave him a sad look.

“So…If I ever got possessed, would you…” He was about to ask but Cullen covered his lips with his own. It was a desperate kissed that tasted of sweat and tears. Cullen pulled away tentatively as the mage watched the tears fall.

“Please…do not ask me that.” Cullen bawled as Josh enveloped him in his arms. “I can’t.”

Josh held onto him and Cullen felt him for once let go of his facade. Cullen cried with him and it felt good. It was a moment of weakness but oh how lovely it felt to be weak, holding each other together.

 

\---

 

“His name is Iron Bull.” Josh affirmed as he stared down the elf. Gaat looked at him with surprise in his eyes as he looked the Inquisitor in the eyes and never once faced Hissrad, or rather The Iron Bull again.

“I suppose you’re right.”

Then they returned to Skyhold, Gaat informed Josh and Bull that no alliance with the Qunari would be taking place. Josh shrugged. He didn’t really care anymore. He cared about the Chargers deeply; he’d grown quite fond of the motley mercenary band- Especially Krem. He could relate to him a lot. Josh’s family had a hard time accepting him and his…tendencies.

After addressing many concerns, he collapsed onto his mattress without stripping off his armor. He had taken Sera to Crestwood after the march she asked for, but it turned out to be a trap to kill her. Needless to say, the foolish noble was executed on the spot and his holdings were given to one of Sera’s friends to look after the poor in Verchiel. He was drained after approving his student’s reports and dismissing them for the day and didn’t notice the hand caressing his arse until he heard Cullen’s purr. He looked up and saw the former-templar smirking with faint blush on his cheeks.

“Admit it Cul, you’ve always wanted to touch it.”

Cullen merely nodded and settled down on the mattress as Josh rolled over onto his back and gave the Commander a tired grin as they clasped their fingers together. They sat in silence, enjoying the peace until they heard a knock on the trap door. Josh jumped up from the bed and opened it.

“Uh…Ser Trevelyan? There’s a woman asking after you in the Main Hall.” Belle stammered as she crept up into the Inquisitor’s quarters and stood in awe as she took in the sky-like ceiling.

“Who is she?” Cullen asked as he got up from the bed and looked at the blonde girl expectantly. She bowed and began to quiver.

“Forgive me, my lords. She was utterly uncouth and she refused to speak to anyone but the Inquisitor and his sister. They were last arguing when I left them.”

Josh bee-lined for the Main Hall as soon as he internalized who was in Skyhold to see him, all the bad memories flooded his mind as he raced off. Cullen and the frightened girl followed, barely keeping up as Josh rushed up the stairs into the Main Hall. The mage was in awe over how many people was congregating outside and in the hallways as he heard an old woman argue with Alara. He knew that grating voice anywhere.

“ _Mamae!_  You cannot expect me to merely stand aside while you rule his life. Again.”

“You most certainly can, you will most certainly will my dear.” The old woman said as she turned to Josh as he rushed inside the room. She extended her arms to him but he folded his own. Her wrinkled face held a stern expression as she pointed to a young brunette lady behind her, with lovely curves and a winning smile as she waved to him. The Knight-Enchanter nodded to her but glared at the older woman as she circled him. Josh looked about and realized that all of Skyhold was there, even the servants. Josephine tried to intervene but the old woman hushed her at every attempt.

“Really, Moth- out of all days you decide to appear now? I’m disowned remember? I don’t exist to you.” Josh said as he looked back at Cullen who gave him a concerned look. Alara moved over to Josh and hugged at his arm with a frown. He instinctively moved her behind him to shield her from the harpy’s glare.

“You are a Trevelyan. You must honor the family either way. You are to marry Elissa Cousland- the marriage will strengthen Ostwick and make way for an alliance between Ostwick and Highever.”

“You didn't know? I've been misled-  I came here to help the Inqui-“ The brunette noblewoman looked horrified as she tried to jump in but Josh’s mother made her speechless with a finger her way.

Josh felt like his world was falling apart. He’s hands shook and he pointed at his mother as he realized a bitter truth.

“You were the one. Father loved me, but…you.  _You_  hated me. You still do.”

“It is nothing personal my dear, It is your duty however.”

“No!“ Josh snarled as he moved away from his sister, turned around and unthinkingly ripped Cullen into the fray. He let out a small yelp as Josh held into him with firm hands and gave him a sensual look before he kissed the Commander in front of everyone. Cullen froze at first but soon kissed back and the crowd let out a loud round of applause.

“You…You…loathsome cur!” The old woman gasped as she pointed at Josh with a bony finger. Josh ended the kiss and pulled his Commander into a tight embrace, their fingers entwined as they both blushed profusely. Josh pointed to his lover then to his mother.

“ _Ar lath ma_ , Cullen Stanton Rutherford. I love you. You are my friend and my heart, my Commander- my one and only. But you… _dirthara-ma mamae_.”

“Do not speak that foul language to me, you dog.” She cussed but Elissa stepped forward and gave her a glower. She smiled at Josh and bowed to him.

“I am sorry, Inquisitor. I came here to offer my family’s allegiance to the Inquisition. This woman made me believe that you were looking to cement it with a marriage. Regardless, you have the support of House Cousland, my lord. Expect our best soldiers within the week and my brothers. They look forward to meeting you.”

The noblewoman paid him one last moment of obeisance then walked outside to the stables.

“Now, if that is all, I’d like some time with Cullen. It has been a long day and I don’t need this crap in my life right now.” Josh said as the crowd looked at the old woman in anticipation. She threw her hands to the air and cussed.

“I lost my only son at the Conclave.” She said in a monotone that made Josh cringe. “You are less than nothing to me.”

“Then the feeling is mutual,  _banal asha_.” Josh spat as he turned to leave. The old woman screamed as she raced forward to slap his face but a hand intercepted it. The entire crowd let out a horrified gasp that made Josh turn around to see what the commotion was about. He let out a yelp when he saw Madame de Fer staring down Aurelia Trevelyan.

“Leave my dear, before I make you leave.” The Imperial Court Enchanter hissed as she tightened her grip and gave the older woman a silent ultimatum. Josh gave her a sad look as the Teyrna of Ostwick shook her head in disbelief and walked with her chin up as she left the main hall for the stables. By then, most of everyone returned to their duties as Josephine spoke to them- except the Inner Circle and the advisers and very few others.

“Thank you, Madame Vivienne.” Josh said with a slight bow.

“It is no trouble darling. I…She is quite a charmer isn’t she?”

The Knight-Enchanter let out a hearty laugh as she smiled at him and Cullen entwined his fingers with Josh’s again.

“Yes…imagine: I had to put up with that even after being disowned.”

“We have a new family now.” Alara said as she entwined her fingers in Solas’ and entwined the other hand with Josh’s free hand. She looked over at their friends and grinned. “The Inquisition…”

“Boss will always have me and the Chargers at his side. He is  _kadan_ \- and Dorian of course. He is  _kadan_ too.” Bull said as he placed his hand forward. Dorian let out a nervous laugh as he blushed deeply as the qunari winked at him.

“I could never have been more wrong about you, my friend.” Cassandra said as she placed her hand over Bull’s grey one. “Maleficar or not, you are an extraordinary man. The Maker sent you, I know it.”

“I…will adjust to you and the Commander. Give me some time but my shield is always yours, my friend.” Blackwall spoke as he placed his hand over Cassandra’s.

“How romantic and so very Antivan! Thedas’ power couple:  _Joslen!_ ” Josephine beamed as she squeed a bit and placed her hand over Blackwall’s, who blushed at the sudden contact. “I can see it already- We can defeat the Elder One. We can do this.”

“I wish  _Killer_  was here to see this…” Varric began as he placed his hand over Josephine’s petite hand. “But I have a feeling more twists await us down the line- So sure why not?”

“I came to help. This…” Cole said as he placed his hand over the dwarf’s with a grin…His first grin. “…Feels right. Thank you for allowing me to stay.”

“Stop it you…If I cry I’m kicking you and Cullen-Wullen in the danglebags, Josh-Posh.” Sera said with a slight cuss as she placed her hand gingerly over Cole’s.

“For once I feel at home even without him here.” Bethany said as she placed her hand over Sera’s. Cullen gave her a sad look as she looked at the others and smiled. “This is my home now. It doesn’t feel like Kirkwall. It feels good.”

Neria and Leliana entwined their hands and placed them together at the top of the pile.

“This reminds me of our time before facing the Archdemon.”

“Oh yes! It was a lot like this. Only we still have a ways to go until we actually face the Elder One.” Leliana chimed as she hugged at Neria with her free hand.

“I’m always here for you, my dear.” Madame Vivienne said as she placed her hand over Neria’s. Sera shot the ebony skinned mage a raspberry but she didn’t care.

“Admittedly, you are my best friend. Aside from Bull of course but I cherish you, Josh. You’re one of a kind.” Dorian rasped as he placed his hand over Vivienne’s.

“ _Dirth’ena enasalin, halam’shivanas mala suledin nadas._ ” Solas spoke as he placed his hand over the Tevinter mage’s. Everyone aside from Alara and Josh looked utterly confused but the Knight-Enchanter nodded with a smile.

“I am here for you, brother.” Alara said as she placed her hand over Solas’. “ _Ma melava halani_. Now I am here for you- Always.”

Everyone turned their attention to Cullen as he placed his hand over the keeper’s.

“It is simple,  _emma lath_ \- I love you and I don’t feel any shame saying it or showing it anymore. You are my heart. I am yours,  _ar lath ma_  Joshua Trevelyan.”

Josh shot him a grin as he placed his hand over Cullen’s and he looked at each of his friends: People from different backgrounds but all brought together and held together by him. He pecked Cullen’s cheek and Varric let out a laugh whilst the others either snarled or groaned in irritation.

“Bah! I was expecting a speech, not a kiss for Curly, Grinner!”

“He’s such a good man to me, Varric. I love him more than anything in this world. I am nothing without my Commander.” Josh smiled as he ignored everyone else and nuzzled Cullen’s bearded cheeks. “One little kiss is not enough to show him how I feel in his company.”


	8. Two Hearts, One Coin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Josh bond over a lucky coin and get a new addition to their dysfunctional little family. Everyone loves her. Also...cake!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this while listening to Nero (Archangel) by Two Steps From Hell.

“I should be taking it…” Cullen hissed as he punched hard at the bookcase causing it to splinter. “…I should be taking it!”

Josh moved over to him and gave him a sad look. He cupped the blonde’s cheek and the Commander felt him cringe as he turned to Josh with reddening eyes.

“ _Ma vhenan_ , I care about you and I want what’s best for you.” Josh said as he moved over to the shattered lyrium kit and held it in his hand. He shook his head feverishly as he moved to the window and chucked it outside and gave Cullen a lopsided grin. He took Cullen’s hand and kissed at the knuckles that struck the bookcase. “You have come far,  _emma lath_. Do not give in now. We are all here for you. I am here for you.”

“But what if I…“ Josh silenced the ex-templar with a few chaste kisses that made the Commander blush.

“I love you, Cullen. I will always be here for you- You started this long, arduous path alone. Now I will help you walk it, I will carry you when you grow weak and I will support you through everything.”

“…Thank you, Josh.” The blonde said as he hugged Josh’s chest tightly. Josh let out a slight yelp at the sudden contact.

“Easy big guy- I’m quite fragile.”

“Sorry. I…want some time alone for now, if you don’t mind.” Cullen apologized with a sheepish look as he let go of the mage. Josh gave him a brief nod as he moved to the door and grinned as he spoke.

“I’ll see you later then?” Cullen nodded as he watched his lover disappear behind the door. He stood in silence for awhile and he thanked the Maker that he had Josh in his life. He once hated mages and didn’t consider them to be human. But Joshua Trevelyan was nothing like any mage he met before.

Josh was brave. He was charming and awkward. He was so simple yet so complex…so different. He was utterly handsome and chivalrous like a knight but he had this voracious side that craved lore and knowledge, reminding him a lot of Solas. The more Cullen thought about his mage, the more he affirmed his love for the youth. It was a strange feeling, but for once since him getting the vivid visions of Kinloch Hold and the horrible nightmares- he felt alive. He felt great. He felt…loved- Whole.

  That night, Josh decided to board at Cullen’s tower. They stripped down to their sleeping clothes and lay beside each other and watched the stars through the unfinished roof. Cullen turned to Josh with a playful grin and kissed at the mage’s ear. Josh let out a stifled groan as he returned the show of affection with a sloppy kiss at Cullen’s scar but unfortunately it never became sexual.

As usual, they didn’t stray near the topic of love making and fell asleep once the night got frigid and they latched onto each other for warmth.

Cullen noticed that Josh was gone when he awoke. He let out a small hiss as he crawled out of bed and washed up when the chantry bell rang out six times. He noticed a letter on his desk when he descended the ladder. He picked it up and read it silently before unlocking his tower. It was written in Josh’s hand.

 

\---

 

_Vherain ma vhenan;_

 

_Ir abelas, emma lath. I have to go with my recruits to the Fallow Mire to gather the ingredients needed to make their spirit blades. I won’t be back until tomorrow, probably in the morning. So I am now going to bore you with my feelings._

_Yes. I am always thinking of you, Cul. It’s hard to be away from you. It would seem that I’ve become quite addicted to you. Not that I mind. You have an infectious smile, ma vhenan. I look at you and all I can do is be in awe. You are strong and fierce- Definitely a lion, not a housecat._

_I miss you already. Pathetic of me but it’s true. I miss you when I’m out on the field and I miss you when you’re making your rounds while I’m making my own in Skyhold. If I had things my way, we’d never part. But such is not possible, so here I am being foolish, telling you how much I miss you. And it’s only been a short while…Oh Andraste’s ass, I want to kiss you._

_So badly._

_Yours forever_

_Josh_

_\---_

 

 _You have no idea how much I’d love to do the same._  Cullen mused as he folded the letter and placed it in his desk drawer. He felt his stomach rumble as he rushed over to the tavern for a quick breakfast before his morning exercises began and found Bethany and a blonde man sharing a meal together, speaking in hushed tones in one of the corner booths.

“May I join you?” Cullen asked as he looked pointedly at Bethany, She nodded at him and he slid into the seat beside Anders.

“Are you going to lecture me?” The healer started with a snarl. He gave Bethany a concerned look as he took a swig of the tankard in front of him. “I’m not in the mood for a fight.”

“Neither am I. I do not approve of what you did, but Josh trusts you.” Cullen said with a brief nod as he ordered breakfast from Felissa. “That is enough for me.”

“Really?” Anders asked in doubtful tone as he gave Cullen a sad look. “You weren’t this mellow in Kirkwall. What happened to you?”

“Josh happened.” Cullen took a sip of the wine Felissa brought and began to tear into the leg of steaming hot ram that she brought. He had to hold in a laugh when Sera shot him a funny face as she walked by while he chewed the spiced meat.

Anders merely nodded. Cullen took a moment look at the mage and he realized how different he looked compared to when they saw each other in Kirkwall.

Anders’ long blonde hair was cropped short and his stubble was gone, but his eyes were lined with bags and darkness. He was thinner than before- much thinner. Cullen then realized that Hawke’s death had a very negative impact on the mage. As the circle mage and ex-templar ate, Cullen saw Anders take slow, small bites of his butter bread. It was no secret that Anders cared deeply for his best friend, Garrett. Probably more than a friend to the healer, but it would be one-sided because Cullen knew Garrett’s preferences since Kirkwall as the Champion loved to flirt brazenly with women in the city. Anders was heartbroken when Garrett died so it wasn’t hard to figure it out that mage had feelings for the late Champion.

Cullen enjoyed the conversations he had with the mages until Anders brought up Josh’s use of blood magic at Adamant.

“Alright, let me be clear on this.” Cullen cleared his throat as Bethany looked at him eagerly. Anders looked…curious. “I was going to die. He saved me. I have my issues with blood magic but if it can save a life, I can overlook him using it.”

“I’m not sure how to react to that, Cullen.” Anders rasped as he scratched at his chin and looked at Cullen with respect. “The Cullen I knew would have killed the Inquisitor on the spot for using blood magic.”

“I’m not the same man anymore.” Cullen breathed with a shrug. “I…am ashamed that I once considered mages to be less than human. In truth, I have a lot in common with you now, Anders.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve been in contact with a Spirit of Valor. He’s been teaching me things.”

Both mages eyes lit up at once. Bethany gave the Commander a look of enthusiasm and Anders gave him a worried look.

“I thought non-mages were invisible to spirits and demons.” Hawke’s sister said in a perplexed tone.

“That’s what I was taught as a templar too but in Adamant this spirit claimed to have been watching me since Kinloch Hold. That was a dark time but it grew…fond of me- of my valor.”

“Justice doesn’t sense Valor near you or inside you. Where is he?”

“In the Fade watching in from a distance, he teaches me when I sleep with the Inquisitor’s help.”

“That is amazing.” Bethany said as she slurped down the last of her vegetable soup and gave Cullen a smile then looked over at Anders then back at the Commander. “That red haired elf…she told me that you’ve begun to learn elven. Is this true?”

‘Yes,  _ma falon_.  _Ma vhenan_  teaches me what he can. What can I say about  _ma dirthena enasalin_? He gives me  _sulevin_. He is  _emma lath_.  _Fenedhis lasa_ , it is hard to be away from him.” Cullen said with a slight grin as the mages looked at him in confusion.

“Just what has this man done to you, Ser Cullen?” Anders snickered as he pointed at the Commander in jest. “You’re so…so…”

“Open minded?” Bethany asked with a wink Cullen’s way. He blushed as Anders let out a laugh when he noticed the blush creeping its way up the Commander’s neck.

“It’s just…You’re so different. It’s a good different. Josh is a really great guy but I didn’t expect him to affect you this deeply.”

“Love changes people.” Cullen flushed further was he looked towards Sera who was cuddling with Dagna at an adjacent booth.

After a few more minutes of catching up with the mages, Cullen excused himself to begin his morning exercises then the training of the new recruits. He then moved to his tower and addressed a few letters from the spymaster and the lady ambassador. Alara came to him to inform him that she’d be out in the field with Solas, Blackwall and Varric. They were going to a merchant’s home in Val Royeaux to follow up on a lead Leliana had on Calpernia.

He wished her well and silently reminded himself not to forget to tell Josh about his plans to derail the Red Templar operations in the Emerald Graves.

Once he was done with the reports and checking in with Cassandra with regards to his lyrium withdrawal, the sun was beginning to set. His courier informed him that he was free for the rest of the night unless anything urgent came up. He dismissed her and reveled in the silence, but he craved Josh’s touch.

His mind wandered to more carnal acts with the Knight-Enchanter and he let out a sigh as he wiped at the sweat forming at his brow from the dirty thought. To be honest, Cullen had no clue how it worked between men…except he had read a smutty book on the topic that somehow found its way into his desk drawer. He suspected Cole but thought against asking the spirit. He had an idea of what he liked but would it be the same with another man in his bed? Even with the book he read, he couldn’t be sure.

He considered asking Iron Bull, but judging from the noises coming from his room above the tavern, he and Dorian were at it for several hours. And knowing those two, they’d be at it for longer still and Dorian would take pleasure in ridiculing Cullen for his lack of sexual knowledge.

He then found himself outside Sera’s room; the elf was busying herself restringing her long bow. He cleared his throat and she looked up at him from the mattress-couch thing she had with a sly grin.

“Curly-Wurly? Weird. Am I in trouble?” She asked as she hopped to her feet and placed the bow on the cabinet. “Look, the earwigs are all fun yeah but if you-“

Cullen moved into the room and shut the door. He gave her a serious look as he blushed and sat down on the couch-thingy. She slumped down beside him and looked at him with concern.

“Something wrong, Lionheart?”

“I need your help, Sera.”

“You…need what now?”

“Your help. I need some information. I’m too afraid to ask Dorian and Iron Bull.” Cullen blushed as he spoke. “So I’m asking you, please”

“Yeah, those two arse-nots been ruttin’ for hours now.” Sera said as she grinned but her expression changed when she realized what Cullen wanted to know. “No wait. You’re kidding right? You haven’t bedded the Inquizzy yet? “

The Commander silently nodded as she gave him a scowl.

“Why not you arse-biscuit?” She cussed as she poked his cheek with a long finger. Cullen let out a small yelp.

“Hey!”

“Don’t  _hey_  me, you. I’m fuming! Why you stalling? What’s wrong with you, Commander Jackboot?”

Cullen let out an exasperated sigh as he looked Sera with pleading eyes and shook his head vigorously.

“N-Nothing’s wrong Sera.” Cullen affirmed as her expression changed from anger to amusement. “I…just…”

“ _Oh._ ” Sera said with a slight giggle as she moved closer to the ex-templar with an understanding nod. “I get it now, but why you asking me? What about Bull or Dorian? Don't be scared- They play with guys. That’s more up your alley. You’re kind of barking up the wrong tree here.”

Cullen explained his fear of asking the men and Sera cringed when saw the cabinet shift slightly. He wondered if she considered tossing earwigs upstairs, so he looked at her with puppy eyes in an effort to distract her as Josh did whenever he wanted something from the Commander.

The elf sighed as she looked at the ex-templar.

“Yeah, fine...Whatever- Not promising anything. I play with girls so my knowledge in that department’s kind of wonky.” Sera hissed as she winched when the cabinet moved again and Cullen blushed a deep shade of red when they heard a loud groan coming from upstairs. “Ugh, it’s not hard to get. It’s like jousting- I think…”

“Jousting?” Cullen sounded unsure. He gave her a confused look and watched in anticipation as she pulled out two arrows from her quiver and placed them in front of Cullen with a grin.

“Who’s the dominant one between you and Wolfy?”

“I’m not sure. We’re both kind of…”

“Stumped when it comes to ruttin’?” Sera asked with a slight chuckle.

“Well, it’s not like I don’t want it. I want it to be right.” Cullen stammered with a small hiss as Sera smirked.

“Me and Widdles take turns.”

 _“Widdles?”_ Cullen asked in confusion.

“Dagna. Love her too bits- uh…anyways we’re equals. No  _you’re my bitch_  shite, unless she wants to- we do whatever we want. It’s  _we_  for a reason.”

“That sounds perfect, actually.” Cullen mused aloud as he massaged his neck and shoulder. Sera then held out the arrows and Cullen looked at her in confusion.

“Great yeah- Let’s start with something simple.” She said as she made the arrow’s heads face each other and began to grind them together, back and forth. The suggestive motion made Cullen flush as she spoke. “Sharpen each other’s arrows.”

“I…uh…”

“What? Seriously Lionheart- Loosen up! You’re not going to perform if you’re too shy. Don’t want Josh-Posh to think you’re…soft.” Sera tittered as she quickened the movement, sharpening the heads of the arrows with each other, their movement making a slight singing noise over the howls coming from overhead. The groans and lustful cries became so loud that Maryden stopped singing. In fact, everyone stopped whatever they were doing.

“ _That’s it Bull. Right there! Oh Maker…it’s too much I…_ ” Cole began as he moved over to Sera’s room with a snarl. “Loud. Too loud. Nobody should be  _that_ loud.”

“Ah shite- Wait here!” Sera tittered as she tossed the arrows to the cushion next to Cullen. He waited as she reached into a cloth bag and pulled out a buzzing flask of earwigs. She then raced upstairs and Cullen heard the door open. He also heard Dorian yelling and Bull laughing until the door slammed shut and they heard screaming. Sera returned to her corner with a smug grin as she picked up the arrows and continued the demonstration when the screams stopped and Bull yelled out a loud apology. Everyone, including Cole gave her a few silent thanks as they returned to whatever they were doing prior to the disturbance.

Cullen inwardly reminded himself to never get on her bad side or else he’d end up with the worst: A bed filled with honey and bees. He then realized why Josh was so tight in with her; he didn’t want to get pranked. Clever.

 _If you can’t beat them- join them, indeed_. The Commander mused as Sera pointed to her quiver and he reached down and handed it to her.

“Now, if you’re happy with the whole sword- uh arrow fighting thing, then you can move to the horse riding part. Or jousting, whatever tickles your fancy- literally.” Sera said with a laugh as she blushed. Cullen watched as she took the arrow and careful lined it up with the entrance of the quiver. She held it there for a moment until Cullen registered what she was implying. He flushed deeply when the arrow was inserted into its sheath then suggestively removed repeatedly as the movement became faster and faster until she stopped abruptly, catching him off guard. “Look. Blush all you like, Commander Jackboot, but when you’re with him and you’re both  _ready_ ready, do it. He’s been waiting yeah. Don’t think I’d have the patience to wait for someone so long. But I guess the waiting makes it more…I dunno- meaningful?”

“That is what I want for the first time.”

“Lemme put it this way Lionheart; who’s wooing who?” Sera asked as she tossed aside the arrow and quiver then turned her body to Cullen’s. “Seriously- I get the whole  _first time must mean something_ and shite but really, who’s wooing who?”

Cullen shrugged.

“Ugh.” Sera cussed as she threw her hands up into the air and folded her arms in anger. “Alright, you listen here you. When Josh comes back, you talk to him about the wooing thing. Figure it out then do the whole jousting thing according to that. Widdles and I take turns with the wooing bit- Might work for you too. Andraste knows you need a man over you…Too many under.”

Cullen began to stammer but she continued on.

“Better yet, Josh-Posh needs someone to command him now and then. Being the Inquizzy is a hard job. He needs something hard to…let out his pressure. I see him yeah. He wants you to jump him!” Sera said with a chuckle as Cullen awkwardly rose to his feet and dashed out of the tavern with a red face and sweat all over as he imagined all the things he would do to Josh when the right time came.

 

\---

 

“I…uh…” Devon began as he looked about in confusion after Josh insisted on going to Val Royeaux before returning to Skyhold. “Why are we here?”

“To buy cake of course!” Josh declared as he bee-lined towards Madame Lucienne’s cake shop and Arlene let out a laugh as he paced from table to table, his eyes wide with amazement. “I’d like to treat you guys. You did well in the Fallow Mire and we got what we needed. So…decide what you’d like to take to Skyhold. I’m paying.”

Belle let out a small cry of joy as she hugged at his arm with blush over her pale skin. Arlene scoffed and Devon shrugged as Josh let out a nervous laugh when the young girl let go of his arm.

“What was that for?” He asked with a lighthearted smirk.

“I came here once when I was little. I’ve always wanted to try the petit fours. Thank you so much, my lord!” The blonde cried with an overeager beam as she rushed to the petit fours. Devon followed after her, leaving Josh with the broody elf at the fruit cakes.

“Nice work with the fireballs,  _da’len_.” Josh smiled at Arlene as he watched Devon suffer vocally as he decided which cake buy with a hiss of frustration.

“ _Ma serannas_  Inquisitor.” Arlene said with a slight nod. “I confess, I was wrong about you.”

“How so?”

“I thought you were just another human noble who wanted to show elves their place in society. You’re actually pretty down to earth.” She said as she leaned down to a piping hot apple pie and took in the aroma.

“Elves have a place: beside me. Not under or below. It’s time to move on and help reclaim the lost glory of Elvhenan. Humans owe your people that much at the very least.”

“Then could I ask a favor of you?” Arlene asked with a small scoff as her cheeks became rosy and Josh cocked his head bamboozled but nodded eagerly.

“C-Could you teach Elvhen at Skyhold please? There are so many elves in the Inquisition who come from alienages like me. You taught me what I know and I think…the others would appreciate the chance to learn too. Extend it to non-elves too. Hell- People might actually start to respect the elves.”

Josh grinned ear to ear as he looked at her.

“Why not?” He said with an impish smile as he bowed to her in thanks. “I’ll speak with Solas. Soon we’ll have an Elvhen class. Maybe even an Elvhen-Singquisition.”

“Inquisitor, what a pleasure it is to see you again!” The old dowager said with a curtsey as she nodded to Arlene who nodded in return and moved over to the fruit cakes. “Are you here to shop for your friends?”

“Actually yes Madame Lucienne. I’ll be paying for my students. But I’d like to buy some cakes for my friends back at Skyhold.” Josh said as he leaned down on the counter and pointed to some of the cakes.

“Of course. I’m just glad you’re here, child. When people see you here, they shop more often so it’s good for business. My bakers positively adore you.” She said as she pointed to the door ajar behind her, an old elven baker waved at Josh with a smile as he worked a fine pastry into shape and folded sugar into it.

Josh walked about with Madame Lucienne and pointed to the various cakes and desserts she had for sale. For a moment he was utterly mesmerized by the colors and the smells. It was even better than the last time he was there.

He thought of Madame Vivienne and picked out a decadent dark chocolate ganache cake. It was regal and utterly refined like the mage herself and was trimmed with gold dust.

He thought of Bethany and immediately he remembered Varric’s nickname for her: Sunshine. She was sweet like sugar and easy going- fluffy in a way, just like an angel’s food cake.

Then he thought of the Iron Bull and his Chargers and he immediately thought of one word: Diversity. He selected a wide variety of cupcakes and tartlets so every preference would be indulged.

Dorian then popped into his head as he passed a rather delicious looking lemon meringue. The altus was a bitter-sweet panoply of good and bad, but it was mostly good. You just needed to search for it.

Neria came to mind as he hovered near the milk tarts and got the intense smell of cinnamon and baked dough. It reminded the healer of Denerim and the alienage- of home. Josh could relate to that. He missed home too.

As if it was fate, he caught sight of a large strawberry-spiced ginger cake and it immediately reminded him of Leliana, utterly sweet but bitter to a point, until you got to the jam center and saw the goodness she had in her heart.

He thought of Velanna, Sigrun, Oghren and Anders and decided to buy another batch of mixed cupcakes and some coconut twists, just in case.

He bought Blackwall a standard chocolate cake, but filled with small pieces of biscotti. The warden was warming up to Josh but much of his life before becoming a Grey Warden was a mystery to him. He had a rough life- that much was certain and Josh would not pry. He knew all too well how painful one’s past could be.

For Cassandra, he opted for a red velvet cake topped with sweet cream cheese. It reminded him of her. Well, it looked like a chantry cake and Cassandra did express a massive craving for red velvet.

Jospehine was a woman of class and beauty and deserved no less than the decadent Antivan Kisses and chocolate lava cake that Josh bought for her.

Varric was a colorful, textured dwarf, so Josh bought him a Satinalia cake, dotted with raisins, cherries and made with red wine, giving the cake and overwhelming delicious musk that made Josh almost decide to eat it himself.

Then he saw the coffee bean and caramel-chilli pudding, he knew he HAD to get it for the giddy elf. It was like Sera, sweet- sticky and really awesome all in all with a small hint of bat-shit crazy.

Cole was a tough one. He knew Cole liked to help others but not what the spirit liked. So in the spirit of helping, he decided to buy the former-spirit a classic: A blueberry cheese cake. He wasn’t sure if Cole would like it but he sure knew that he himself did.

 Solas liked all things elven, but not Dalish. There weren’t any elven cakes on sale but there was a very exquisite looking honey cake that the elf was sure to love. He knew Alara liked honey too, so he decided to buy one for her as well.

That left himself and Cullen.

He knew he loved caramel, so he bought himself a caramel tart with honey flavored base and vanilla center. He then looked about but couldn’t for the life of him find something Cullen would like. He asked Madame Lucienne for help and she gave him a hearty smile as his students looked in horror at the number of things Josh brought while they chose their own desserts.

“Commander Cullen? He is Fereldan, no? They have simple tastes when it comes to sweet things. He will love this pound cake.” She pointed to a rather plain cake, but it smelled of butter and lemons, making him double take, it was like Cullen indeed.

It was simple but it held a taste that Josh didn’t expect when he tried a small slice of it. It was different yet so familiar. It was so Cullen-like.

“I’ll take it.” Josh said as he placed a large coin bag on the counter as payment but made another double take as he looked at the rest of the cakes with a playful grin. “I think I’ll buy all your desserts off you.”

“Come again, child?”

“I want to buy all.”

“…Wait…what?” Devon asked with a confused look. “All of this? For who?”

“The Inquisition.” The Inquisitor said as he moved over to a nearby Inquisition soldier who looked at him with confusion as he told the man to relay a message to Skyhold via raven.

“Have you gone mad, Inquisitor?” Arlene cried as she watched Belle look at Josh with concern and Devon covered his head with worry. The Knight-Enchanter merely grinned.

“Yes. I have.”

 

\---

 

“What?!” Cullen shouted as Leliana shook her head and Josephine frantically moved about Alara’s quarters with a distraught look.

“Has he gone mad!? We can’t just stop for an entire day! We need reports and we need to see to our guests! We can’t just…“ She started as she pointed to Alara but jumped when the door slammed open and Josh walked in with an ear to ear grin.

“Hello everyone!” The mage chuckled as he carried in some boxes that Leliana immediately recognized and helped him to set it out on the bed. “Nice to see you all so relaxed!”

“Why are we-“

“Oh hush, Cullen.” Josh said as he handed out the remaining cakes to the appropriate person and claimed the Commander’s lips with his own. He pulled away as Alara gave him a knowing look whilst wolfing down the honey cake and handed Cullen his box. The Commander was about to speak when Josh claimed his lips again and grinned when they got out of his sister’s quarters.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,  _emma lath_.” Cullen hugged with one hand at Josh and closed his eyes with a small hiss that made Josh eye him with worry written all over his handsome face.

“Are you okay?” The Knight-Enchanter rasped as he kissed at Cullen’s neck with a worried look in his green-brown eyes. The former templar shook his head slightly.

“I’ll feel better if you come with me to Ferelden. I have…some business there.”

“But I just got here…” Josh grinned as he looked into amber eyes. They looked back into his green-brown eyes and they both blushed. “Fine- Let me brief Leliana and Josephine quickly, then we’ll leave.”

Josh disappeared back into Alara’s room and Cullen moved into the main hall and what he saw gave him pause as he considered the possibly of the world going bonkers at the brief moment he stopped looking. He watched as nobles and commoners alike nibbled at cakes while sitting around the tables set in the main hall. He spotted the Seeker seated next to Varric who was laughing at a comment she made as Oghren downed a tankard of ale with Sigrun. The former-legionnaire had rosy cheeks as she sang out loud a dwarven tavern cheer.

“What in the world-“

“Where is Josh?” Cassandra cried as she swallowed a slice of the red velvet and blushed. “Really, this is genius. I could kiss him.”

“Don’t. He’s mine, Seeker.” Cullen sneered as he glared at the Seeker.

“Ooooh the lion has claws, Seeker.” Varric giggled as she took a bite of his Satinalia cake and smiled. “Seriously though- This was nice of him. Wonder what Grinner’s celebrating.”

Cullen wondered that too. As far as he knew, Josh didn’t have anything to celebrate aside from his students’ induction as Knight-Enchanters of the Inquisition. Still, that wasn’t too important. It didn’t warrant such an extravagant affair.

Cullen let out a sigh when he saw Josh appear at the door as Blackwall waved to the Inquisitor and entered the stairwell leading to Alara’s quarters. The youth made his way to the table with a predatory look and he smirked when he saw the Seeker and storyteller wolfing down their cakes. He winked at the dwarves who raised their tankards in thanks.

"Hey you!"

"Me?" Cullen asked in confusion as Oghren wobbly pointed at the Commander. Inwardly Cullen snarled. He remembered the drunkard from Kinloch Hold when Neria helped Dagna settle into the Circle of Magi to study. The man seemed like a good warrior but what with the way he swayed and slurred, the Commander had his doubts. Still Neria trusted him and it turned out that all her companions were competent. They managed to save Ferelden from the Blight after all.

"Kiss him for me, you thunder-humper! I'm not kissing him for this amazing...this...amaz...zzzzz" Oghren slumped over the table and ended up with a beard full of cake as he slept. Sigrun let out a laugh as she pointed to him.

“Inquisitor!” Cassandra slurred with blush all over. She hugged at him awkwardly making sure not to squash the cake box he had. ‘This is…is…thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, Cass.’ Josh said with a slight smile as he pointed to Cullen. “I’m ready to leave, Cul.”

“Hey!? Where are you going?” Sigrun asked as she slapped at the drunken dwarf's head. He stirred but promptly returned to his slumber with even more cake matted in his beard.

“I don’t know. Cullen’s being all romantic.”

“Nice! Enjoy it Your Inquisitorialness.” Varric waved as the men moved to the entrance and descended the stairs. They caught sight of Dagna and Sera on the tavern roof dancing. Josh greeted her and they pointed and jumped up and down as they held their cake laden plates.

“Wolfy!” Sera slurred as she danced about and unceremoniously bumped into the Arcanist. “Whoops. Shite I’m seeing ten of you now. I love you Joshy-Poshy, you’re so good to us.”

“I love you too, Sera.” Dagna said as she hugged at the elf who cooed into the sudden contact.

“Aww…Widdles.”

Josh chuckled as he stowed away the cakes in a bag that he enchanted to freeze the cakes to keep them in shape during the ride to Ferelden. He held onto Cullen as he rode hard for Honnleath. The Commander reviled in the feeling of his mage’s arms wrapped around his chest as he napped against Cullen’s pauldrons. Once they arrived in the small village and stopped at the stables, Cullen woke him up with a kiss and pointed as he took the mage to the lake.

“This is beautiful, Cullen.”

“I used to come here when I needed to think. With my siblings, things often got…loud so I needed a place to be free with my thoughts, to unwind.” Cullen mused as he watched Josh turn back to the stables and reach for the saddle bag, but Cullen moved over to him and stopped him with a caress over his arm. “Before we eat, I’d like to give you something.”

The Commander pulled him over to the pier and they stood arm in arm as night fell on Honnleath. Josh gave him a confused look as Cullen pulled out a coin from his pocket with a blushing neck.

“A coin?”

“Humor me, Joshua. Branson gave it to me when I left to become a templar. He believed that it was lucky. I’ve kept it since and it made me feel at ease.”  Cullen said as he placed it in Josh’s smaller hand and closed it around the coin. He then kissed at the mage’s hand and smiled as Josh flushed deeply at his show of affection. “I…love you, Josh. I want you to know that even if I’m not around to look out for you, with this coin, I am always looking after you.”

“Oh Cullen.” Josh said with a grin as he kissed Cullen deeply and rubbed his hands through Cullen’s hair. “Courting me now are you?”

Cullen flushed as he briefly looked away with a small laugh.

“Yes.” Cullen murmured as he took Josh’s hand and smiled. “Once, I could never have loved a mage. Now all I can think about is you, Josh. You are everything to me.”

“You are my life, Cullen.” Josh said as he pulled away from the Commander. He pocketed the coin carefully with a sad look as he moved to the edge and looked out into the distance. “You make me a better man than I am.”

“You are a great man.”

“A selfish man.” Josh howled. “I was going to leave you all to die. Do you know why I came back, Cullen?”

“Why,  _ma vhenan_?”

“I didn’t want  _you_  to die. I couldn’t care less at the time about the others. All I could think about was that you’d die and I couldn’t allow it.”

Josh let out a small whimper as he felt Cullen envelope him from behind. He leaned into the contact as Cullen kissed his neck.

“Then I am glad you were selfish. We are together now,  _emma lath_.”  The ex-templar said as he kissed Josh’s ear and the Knight-Enchanter let out a sharp groan of pleasure that made Cullen giggle. “I wasn’t expecting a reaction like that.”

“You make me weak at the knees,  _ma vhenan_. I…” Josh’s voice gave way and he looked sadly at his Commander.

“You sound unsure.” Cullen groaned as he kissed at the mage’s neck. Josh let out a long sigh as he turned around and unclipped a leather bound tome from his coat and pointed to it.

“I'm sure. It's just...do you remember this old book?”

“Your father’s journal?” Cullen asked as he helped Josh down and they sat side by side on the pier. The mage nodded without looking at his lover.

“I…think it would be better if you read this for yourself,  _emma lath_.” Josh blushed deeply. He pulled out a letter stowed inside the book and placed it in Cullen’s hands then turned away from him to look out into the lake as his hands rubbed idly over the leather bound journal.

 

\--- 

 

_To my son,_

_Know that I have always loved you. I was harsh because you needed to be strong. And Maker be praised, you are. Inquisitor- I am so proud of you my son. But you never were. I was never your father. Not truly._

_Maker forgive me. You must know._

_Your father was from Clan Lavellan and your mother was a woman from Ferelden. We adopted you and Alara at your mother’s behest. She was quite keen on the both of you taking the Trevelyan name so that you could have opportunities that she didn’t. But it was weird. Alara wasn’t hers, but she cared about her anyways._

_Maxwell knew. He was going to tell you at the Conclave. I…asked him to. But then the Conclave exploded and my wife fell apart after losing her “only” son. The foolish woman!_

_She didn’t hate you. She hated the fact that Maxwell loved you unconditionally as his brother. She hated the fact that her own son could accept you, but she couldn’t._

_I accepted you. I always did. But I had to toughen you up for the future. Your mother asked me to teach you to be strong and fierce and Maker be praised you truly are, my son._

_You are a true Trevelyan at heart and thus you and Alara are my heirs._

_I leave everything to you, Joshua and my little princess, Alara._

_I love you my son. Give my love to my princess._

_Maker be with you my child._

_And for what it’s worth_

_I am sorry._

_-Callum Trevelyan-_

_\---_

 

Cullen was at a loss for words. He turned to Josh and hugged at his chest.

“My life is never dull. It was hidden in the cover of the tome, Alara was interested in reading it and she found it by mistake.” The Knight-Enchanter hissed as he placed a kiss on Cullen’s scar. “Elf-blooded- Ugh, as if I needed more complications in my life.”

“This doesn’t change anything. But it does explain much.” Cullen muttered as he slid his hand over Josh’s arm and gave him a proud grin. Josh returned it as he blushed. “We keep this to ourselves.”

They kissed once more and Cullen felt his blood quicken as Josh used ice magic to intensify their lapping tongues. The Commander moaned into the mage’s mouth until they heard a loud crash behind them.

Both men jumped to their feet awkwardly and ran towards the nearby stables. An elven child with silvery blonde hair scampered out as a man with a huge war-hammer gave chase. She huffed for breath as the hammer came down but never struck when the Knight-Enchanter snapped his fingers as she slid beside Cullen. He moved in front of her and placed a hand on her shoulder as Josh circled the rooted man and watched as his entourage of kitchen-hands follow from the inn and looked horrified when they saw Josh glowering as he growled, his mark flaring to life.

“I-Inquisitor!”

“What’s going on here?!” Josh roared as he turned to the kitchen hands. They all shook in their boots as Josh approached them. The innkeeper with the war-hammer barked as his hands froze and the weapon clattered to the stone ground.

“This knife-ear stole bread and stew from the inn for a few weeks now. Needed to teach the bitch lesson.”

“With a weapon? What kind of man are you coward?!” Cullen roared as he clenched his fist and moved forward. He felt energized as he picked up the war-hammer with one hand and pointed it to the Innkeeper. “How would you like it if I crushed you like the pathetic worm that you are?!”

“I heard shouting Your Worship- Commander!?” A female soldier shouted as she came running from the nearby road looked at the kitchen-hands and their leader. Josh moved over to Cullen and touched his chest. The Commander noticeably cringed when he softened his hold on the weapon and held it over his shoulder as the girl hid behind his legs. “Oh shit, you lot at it again?”

“You know them?”

“Yes, Your Worship- they’ve been inciting fear in elves for the last few weeks. This small child was orphaned. She stole food a few times but only because she was starving. I can attest to that.”

“I see.” Josh cussed as he turned to the man and snarled when he released his ice spell, He stared them down as he stressed his ultimatum with a loud, commanding voice. “I want you gone. Do you understand me? Gone! If the Inquisition ever sees you assholes again, I will kill you personally.”

“Yes my lord. Thank you for your mercy!” The kitchen hands cried in horror as they clattered out of the inn with their tails between their legs. Josh then turned to Cullen with a smirk as the innkeeper began to walk off, muttering curses all the way as the Inquisition soldier escorted him away after Josh announced the Inquisition would be claiming the area. The soldier, Valeria told Cullen that she would bring in a contingent of soldiers to protect the inn and replace the lost staff; he nodded at her sound thinking and threw the war-hammer aside with ease.

“If I see those monsters again…” Josh let out a hiss as he cooled off and looked at the Commander with a look of relief, but there was still fire in Josh’s eyes. “…Lucky we were here. I…I shudder to think what they would have done if we weren’t.”

“Are you alright,  _da’len_?” The Commander asked as he slid down to the little girl’s height and looked at her with worried eyes.

The little girl nodded and hugged at his chest vigorously. She then moved over to Josh and reached up for him. He picked her up and smiled; his gaze cool and loving as she grabbed onto his coat and Cullen gave them an amused look.

“We should take her to Skyhold. Give her a home- A family. W-We could be her family!” Cullen intercepted as he placed his hand on Josh’s shoulder with a dapper grin. He looked like he had a sudden epiphany.

“Oh Sera would love her to bits. Bull too. Would you like that- To have us as your family,  _da’len_?” Josh asked and the girl nodded as they placed her beside them as they returned to the pier.

“What is your name, little one?”

“She has no name.” Cole whispered as he moved out the shadows and pointed to her as he came running from the stables after hitching his horse. “ _Lying in dirt, daggers at my tummy. I am alone, unloved and unnamed. A little thing with no landship and no babae or mamae. I see monsters in my sleep. Handsome bae, please keep me safe at night._ “

“ _Bae?_  That means  _father_.” Josh mused with a small smirk as she snuggled his coat as it began to drizzle slightly.

“How about it Josh?” Cullen mused as he kissed at Josh’s cheek. “Could you be a father with me?”

Josh looked at him with an unreadable look for a brief moment until he gave the Commander the most roguish grin he had ever seen.

“Of course, Cullen! I…I’d be honored!”

“ _Heart overflowing, eyes watering. A family- a real family. Thank you, ma bae._ ” Cole said as he leaned down towards her. “You have no tongue. Don’t worry. I can be your voice. My name is Cole. What should we call you?”

She looked at him and briefly signed with her hands. Josh translated as Cole placed his hat on the elven girl’s tiny head, she readjusted it and she looked like a miniature Cole.

“Call me Sulahn.”

“It means  _Sing_.” Cullen said with a look of endearment as he took her from Josh and held her close. “A beautiful name for my beautiful  _ashalan_.”

He asked Cole to get the cakes from the saddle bags. The former-spirit shortly returned with the cakes and his own cake box, slight falling apart from the mad dash he made to catch up with the Inquisitor. Josh offered him a piece of his tart to compensate, Cole nodded to him heartily as he swallowed the tart with a pleased look. Sulahn ate a slice of tart and she nodded as she swallowed.

“This…is amazing.”

“You’re enjoying being human?” Cullen asked as he offered Cole a slice of his plain cake. Cole took it and stuffed it into his mouth.

“Mhhhhhn…Mmmuhh.”

“Not with your mouth full, Cole.” Josh chortled as he shook his head. Cole quickly swallowed and looked at the Knight-Enchanter.

“Sorry.” The rogue stammered as he looked at Cullen with a mirth look. “It’s loud and really painful. And I have all these weird feelings inside.”

“Feelings?”

“Yes. Why do I feel all warm when I look at you?” He looked at Josh with a perplexed stare.

“It’s because I love you Cole. You’re family- the little brother I never had.”

“Really?” Cole asked as he hugged at the mage with a smile. “Thank you! And happy birthday, big brother!”

“…What?”

“Whoops.” Josh covered his face as Sulahn looked at him in confusion. Her father mirrored the same look. “So it’s my birthday- Yay.”

Cullen let out a small groan as he gave Sulahn to Cole, who held the child gingerly at first until the little girl played with his hair, he then held her to his chest with a content smile as he moved to the stables.

The Commander placed a kiss on his lover’s cheek and beamed.

“Now we just need to get married.”

“M-Married!? I uh...one thing at a time Cullen- let’s kill the Elder One first then we’ll see.” Josh hummed and hawed as he kissed the ex-templar’s scar in an attempt to change the subject. “Your scar is sexy.”

“I didn’t intend it as such, but thank you,  _ma vhenan_.”

“ _Ar lath man_ , Cullen…I want to experience  _da’din’sil’melana_  with you.” Josh said as he kissed Cullen’s neck.

“You lost me at  _da’din-something_.” Cullen shrugged as Josh used ice magic on his neck and the Commander let out a lustful grunt as he felt the frost melt when Josh’s warm tongue lapped at his flesh.

“We’ll talk about it in Skyhold,  _emma lath_.” The mage said as he pulled away. “Let’s go before Cole and Sulahn look for us. I don’t want to explain to Cole what I was doing to your neck…”

 

\---

 

Sulahn settled into Skyhold with ease. At first, Cullen and his lover were concerned but the little elf won everyone’s heart by the time the first week had gone by.

Bull took an instant liking to her. He’d run amok with her riding his horns, wearing Cullen’s lion helmet as Bull roared out fearsomely. On lookers would point and feint terror as Bull would rush by with a grin, at least until Vivienne decided to teach Sulahn etiquette, much to the former Ben-Hassrath’s dismay.

Aedan and Fergus Cousland enjoyed in her innocence, often playing hide and seek with her. The Commander realized that it was to dampen the pain of losing their parents and Fergus’ family to Arl Howe. Elissa had told him how they escaped from the castle and moved to Ostwick until the blight ended. The Cousland’s had his sympathy, but they seemed to be rising from the ashes and reclaiming what was theirs.

Blackwall had made it his mission to make a griffon toy for her. Every night, he’d sit in the barn and carve at the wood, Josephine would watch from outside and swoon as he usually opted to go shirtless when at work much to the former templar’s amusement.

Leliana managed to tame a wild brown nug that Sera caught in the Emerald Graves and gave it to Cole to look after for the little girl. Needless to say, Sulahn absolutely adored it. She asked Cole to come up with a name. He called it Nuggles.

Alara and Solas opted to babysit her when they weren’t too busy with their fade explorations or their studies. The elven apostate wasn’t the best with children but Alara helped him along as much as she could when he was ready to pull his hair out from the child’s habit of shifting about his notes and diagrams. Unfortunately, he had no hair to pull out and resorted to kicking Dorian whenever the altus laughed at his feeble attempts at babysitting.

Bethany loved to teach Sulahn basic spells like the spellwisp and creating dancing colors in the air. Dorian however opted to teach her to burn things. Mother Giselle ended up with a singed robe and made sure to discipline the child, but not too harshly. Sera laughed her ass off when she caught sight of Giselle pulling the altus by the ear to Josh’s quarters to tell him what Dorian had done because Cullen was too amused to take them seriously.

Neria often times would take the child to the gardens and teach her the basics of chess. The child was a quick study and soon was able to beat Cullen at chess much to her fathers’ amazement.

Sulahn often sat in Josh’s room while Cassandra, Varric or Sera told her impossible tales. It was decided that she’d take turns when sleeping in the towers, but she had no clear cut preference. She latched onto either parent with enthusiasm as she curled tightly into her fathers’ embrace. Her face content as she slept with no monsters in her dreams, only her parents and a great white wolf that she loved to hug even though it cringed every time she did so. The Commander found it endearing to observe as she slept in the Fade while the Wolf watched over their dream spars with Valor.

Cullen and Josh sparred for many nights when Sulahn fell asleep with Alara close at hand in case the child needed something. The mage and the ex-templar enjoyed their spar- the thrill of battling a capable foe.

The Knight-Enchanter had taken up new arms, dual daggers bound with a long chain to help with long range throws and whip-like slashes. It was an awkward change, but he was adamant to learn it for some reason that eluded the Commander.

From time to time, the mage would shift into his wolf form and dodge a blow that would otherwise have hit him. He learned to retain his clothes so he wasn’t afraid to shapeshift if the spar required it- although Cullen was secretly hoping for another wardrobe malfunction just to see the flesh he craved to kiss and knead.

The ex-templar on the other hand found that he was obscenely strong after sparring with Valor for many nights on end. He deflected each blow with ease and he ended up pushing Josh to his tower wall with no effort at all. The mage blushed as Cullen locked him in place with his arms and kissed his neck.

“Ass.” Josh muttered as he pushed at Cullen’s chest with a loud yelp.

“I can you kiss there if you’d like.” Cullen laughed as Josh flushed.

“No! I…I mean…ugh you’re such an ass!”

“You like my ass.” Cullen began to laugh out loud as the mage silently glared at him. “I know you’d like to touch it.”

“Could we…not talk about your ass right now- I want to show you something, no rather two things.”

Cullen nodded with an impish look as Josh pulled out his dagger and cut his palm. He handed the dagger to Cullen and pointed to his hand.

“Blood magic?”

“Trust me, this is awesome.” Josh smiled as he motioned to Cullen to cut himself. He obliged and let out a small hiss as blood began to pour but almost suddenly the blood flowed back into the wound and it knitted itself, without any healing magic from Josh. Josh then pointed to his palm, the cut widened and blood began to flow out more rapidly.

The mage then healed his palm and took the dagger from the dumbstruck former-templar.

“I call it the Bloodlock. With it I can stop a friend from getting hurt or dying, but I take the wounds instead.”

“So you could die?” Cullen asked with a worried look. Josh nodded.

“Think of it like this: If I can perfect it, I can make the bond between the enemy and our friends, we’d take minimal casualties and our enemies would be killing themselves by striking at us.”

“That’s actually…devilishly clever.” Cullen mused as he gave Josh a heartwarming glance after the mage used his spell to remove their sweat from the bout. The mage smiled and asked the Commander to stay put while he retrieved the “other thing” from his lab.

“I asked Dagna to make something for us.” The Knight-Enchanter said as he pulled out a pair of beautiful bracelets that seemed to be made from intertwining vines and leaves. He placed one in Cullen’s hands and kept the other his own hand. “They have been enchanted with a lifeward spell; it works once per day so long as it remains intact on your arm. This is my gift to you, Cullen- to keep us together and alive even if we are countries apart.”

The ex-templar looked closely at the bracelet and realized that it was made from Stormheart. It had a single charm hooked along its gnarled length, one half of the coin he gave to Josh. He looked at Josh’s and it had the other half.

“First though, blood is needed from us both t-to activate the wards I made.” Josh stammered as he looked at Cullen anxiously.

“I don’t like the amount of blood magic you’re using, but I trust you.” The Commander hissed as he watched Josh simper, he then slit his marked palm and took Cullen’s hand. The ex-templar cringed when the blade sliced his palm open again but there was an overwhelming feeling of happiness and love when Josh grabbed his hand and clasped their fingers together with the bracelets sandwiched inside.

His heart sang as their blood intermingled and ran over the bracelets. They clasped it to each other’s hands and they stood arm in arm, the bloodied coin whole once more as their foreheads touched while the blood ebbed back into their palms. Josh used a healing spell on their hands as he kept his forehead against the Commander’s, the bracelets bloodless and aglow with ancient magic.

“We walk the  _vir’vhenan’ara_ , and I…I am yours,  _ma nas'falon_.” Josh whispered as he kissed Cullen’s scar. “ _Nothing can break me except Your absence_.”

 


	9. Submission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After disaster strikes, Josh finds comfort in submitting to the Lion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos. I appreciate it. This is my first fanfic and this chapter has smut, so i'm kind of nervous... ^_^  
> Wrote this chapter while listening to Dark Ages (Nemesis) and The Crossing (Invincible) by Two Steps From Hell.

Cullen had a really awful morning. Unlike the rest of the times he slept beside Josh, he had a really bad night terror and it unraveled quickly. He ended up hitting Josh in his chest a few times while the mage tried his utmost to wake him up carefully. Needless to say, the Commander felt horrible once he woke up and saw what he did. He held his mage, lifting his undershirt to kiss at the bluing flesh. He was afraid that Josh would cry and look at him like a monster but it never came to that.

Instead, Josh looked at him in respect and clasped his fingers to Cullen’s, making sure that their bracelets slid against each other, making a pleasant sound in the morning. Josh giggled slightly as he looked at Cullen with a grin. The former templar whimpered as the Inquisitor cupped his cheek.

“I still love you, Commander.” Josh kissed at his scar and Cullen relished in the feeling of his tongue. He pulled away from Cullen but kept his hand clasped in the blonde’s as the Commander grimaced. “Make a horrified look all you like Cullen. I am here for you and I am not abandoning you- not now. Not ever.”

“I’m sorry-“ Cullen murmured but Josh slammed his lips against the Commander’s to silence him. Cullen was caught off guard but ended up taking the lead when he saw the Inquisitor flinch slightly. He was still in pain from his recent beating. He pushed Josh against the stone wall, the mage tittering as Cullen kept him pinned and pulled off Josh’s undershirt. He felt his nether region grow warm and stiff as he took in the mage’s smaller, taut but impressive chest as the mage breathed nervously as Cullen reached for him.

“Mhh…” Josh flushed as Cullen traced his chest and nuzzled the lines of muscle with his face, garnering many a cry of elation as Cullen moved and soon replaced his beard with a wet tongue that made Josh curl against him in delight. He didn’t expect Josh’s skin to taste as lovely as it did when he licked at the bruised flesh. “C-Cullen…”

“Hmm?” The blonde raised a brow as he moved while Josh stood helplessly pinned between the stone wall and the wall of muscle in front of him. He felt Josh push him away with a look of worry as the Commander moved in to lick at his chest again but Josh shook his head with a look that befuddled the Commander. “W-What’s wrong?”

“Don’t you have reports to finish? Its seven bells- You’re usually up earlier.”

Cullen nodded but growled as he pinned the mage to the wall again, garnering a loud yelp from him. He kissed at Josh’s neck and relished in the noises he got out of the mage as he grinded against Josh.

“To hell with the reports!” Cullen growled as he moved to pull down Josh’s smalls. He heard a curious yelp from Josh that made him swell with pride but soon a loud banging against the door that led to the rotunda stopped him in his tracks as someone spoke in a muffled voice behind it that irritated him beyond reason.

The former-templar pulled away from Josh and darted down the ladder before his mage could stop him. The knock came again as he reached the door and wrenched it open with a snarl on his face.

“WHAT?!” Cullen shouted. The scout in front of him looked quite flustered as he held a report in his hand. The Commander cursed when he realized that it was Jim. The man always had the worst of timing. “What do you want?! Can’t you see that I’m busy?!”

“I… _can_ see that.” Jim murmured as he looked down at Cullen. The former-templar followed his gaze and flushed as he saw that he was quite excited- actually pressing quite rigorously against his smalls. The Commander let out a growl as he blushed and moved to shut of door to pull on his breeches.

“Wait- Commander!’ Jim cried as he maneuvered his way into the room. Cullen was stronger than him but by some stroke of luck, he weaseled his way inside quickly and garnered a laugh from above. Cullen looked at saw Josh peeking at them by the ladder and waving to Jim who happily returned the gesture. Cullen wanted to rip into the foolish man. He was quite annoyed but maintained his composure as Jim pointed to the Inquisitor. “Message for the Inquisitor, sir. Argent reported in from Emprise du Lion.”

“Emprise du Lion?” Josh asked as he climbed down in his undershirt with a look of concern. Jim handed him the letter and straightened up when Cullen glared at him but he was pulled from his effort to intimidate the foolish scout when Josh let out a cry of horror from behind him. Cullen turned quickly and saw a look of dismay in Josh’s eyes as he slumped down. He wrapped his hands around the crying mage. Luckily, the Commander caught him before he hit the ground.

“Inquisitor!” Jim cried as he too caught hold of the mage and helped Cullen to move him to his chair. The mage’s eyes glazed as they overflowed with tears. Cullen however kept his hands wrapped around the mage and pried the letter from Josh’s fingers. He handed it to Jim and the scout looked at him in confusion as he returned to Josh and kissed at his hands while wrapping his hands around his mage. “Why are you giving it to me?!”

“Read it and tell me what it says. I need to comfort him Jim. You can see yourself that he’s upset and needs someone to take care of him. If it is of a personal nature- I trust you will keep it to yourself?” Cullen asked in a raspy tone. The scout nodded quickly as he skimmed the report while Cullen rubbed at Josh’s back, making sure that the mage felt as loved and comfortable as possible. He looked over at Jim and the scout had a sad look in his eyes. “What is it Jim? Tell me.”

“Argent reports that Samson and his men were spotted in Emprise du Lion as well as the Inquisitor’s students. He killed Arlene and took Devon hostage while Belle fled the scene towards Sahrnia, where Michel de Chevin helped her along with the remaining townspeople and the Inquisition members stationed there. She’s lost her hand and needs a mage to burn the flesh into a stump. There’s no mages there at the moment but there is an old herbalist who knows how to keep the flesh from rotting.”

Cullen nodded as he took in the scout’s words, all the while comforting his mage. He thought briefly about the wound Belle had and remembered that Dorian was quite skilled with pyromancy. Even better, they had Neria Surana around. She would help- no doubt.

“Do this Jim: Tell Dorian and Neria to meet me now up front. You come as well- I’m sure your Spymaster will have no problem.” The Commander said. He had to hold in a laugh when he saw how Jim reacted when he told the scout to accompany them to Emprise du Lion. He ran off and Cullen turned his attention to the mage in his seat- crying bitterly as Cullen kissed at his hands. “Josh…I’m going to see to Belle’s needs. Should I call Solas or Alara to…”

“I’m- I’m c-coming with y-y-you.” Josh said between wheezes for air. Cullen made no effort to object as he helped Josh to climb the ladder. They quickly dressed, Cullen made sure that all his armor buckles were secured but made extra effort to make sure Josh’s armor was snug and warm for the cold climate they were heading to.

The Commander asked Sera and Dagna to babysit Sulahn while they were away. The altus and healer were luckily well informed by Jim and didn’t pry as they rode to Emprise du Lion. When he saw the battered up girl with her hand cleaved off, he looked at Josh and saw the Knight-Enchanter winch- his eyes welling up with tears, but he could see the mage resisting the urge to cry.

Cullen felt his heart break as he saw Josh comfort the girl, barely able to contain his own sorrow. He gave her a sad look and enveloped her as she cried. She tried to relay what happened between sobs and wheezes for air.

“I don’t understand.” Cullen interjected as he looked at the teary eyed girl. “Why did you go with Devon?”

“I…He felt like he was a failure between my healing magic and Arlene’s pyromancy- He wanted to prove himself to you, Your Worship.” Belle sobbed as she held the stump that was once her right hand after Dorian burned it and Neria healed it. “He needed validation as a Knight-Enchanter, Your Worship. Devon said that Highgrove seemed the perfect place to investigate as y-you wanted to establish a foothold to find the Red Templar Quarry. W-We were heavily outnumbered…”

Josh remained silent and turned to Cullen. He asked Cullen to organize a contingent of soldiers and the healer to get Belle to Skyhold. The Commander agreed; Belle needed to get away from Emprise du Lion as soon as possible.

“I-Inquisitor.” Belle stammered as she looked at him and frowned. “Please find Devon. I…love him.”

Cullen watched Josh quash his feelings as he looked at Belle with downturned eyes and nodded.

“I will. Rest now,  _da’len_.” Josh affirmed as the Tevinter mage and warden nodded to him and took the young healer to the entrance of Sahrnia. Dorian gave her a dapper grin and attempted to take her mind off the incident with his charms and wit. It helped somewhat but she still looked like she was on the verge of crying despite his attempts. However, Cullen smiled when he saw how Neria uplifted her spirits, making sure that she didn’t think about what happened and rather focused on the presence of the Hero of Ferelden.

“This is my fault.”  The Knight-Enchanter bawled as he clenched his fists and his mark began to sputter out green sparks. “I…did this.”

Cullen gave him a confused look as he pulled Josh to a secluded part of town and cupped his cheek. Josh didn’t respond to his touch as he hoped and looked at the Commander gravely.

“I was hard on Devon because he got too complacent with his magic. Arlene was making huge strides with her magic and Belle was already an accomplished healer. Devon didn’t want to learn more aside from the spirit blade.” The youth cussed as he pulled away from Cullen and grimaced. “I didn’t know I made him feel like a failure. I was too hard on him…This is my fault. I did to him what my own family did to me…stifled him. Maker…”

Cullen didn’t respond. He merely wrapped his hands around his lover, kissed at his cheek and held him close. He felt Josh ease up as Cullen pulled himself from Josh and took his hand and kissed at it, earning a slight moan from the mage in front of him.

“You cared for them.” Cullen shrugged. “If anything this…this is Samson’s fault.”

Josh was about to protest but Cullen drew him into another hug. The mage quieted down and wrapped his arms around the broader man’s body.

“I considered suicide, twice.”

Cullen immediately pulled away and looked at Josh in disbelief.

“When I heard what Linnea did to Ser Jason…I fell apart. It also happened when I got this…” Josh pointed to his Mark with a sad look. “I considered slitting my wrists or drinking a vial of poison. The air felt stale and my heart was in pieces- I didn’t have much to live for.”

“Do you feel that way now?” The Commander asked as he stroked a long strand of dark blonde hair from Josh’s eyes and pushed it behind his ear. The mage blushed as Cullen did so; the Commander found it endearing to see how the mage blushed whenever he took care of him.

“A little.” Josh said as he gave Cullen a lopsided smile. “It was a horrible time. I’d never consider suicide again. I have too much to live for- The Inquisition, Alara, Solas, Sulahn, Sera. You.”

“I don’t want to lose you.” Cullen murmured as he pushed Josh against a nearby wall. The mage didn’t resist and simply nodded as Cullen pressed himself to Josh and grazed his neck with his lips. The mage let out a low whine as Cullen kissed the flesh and nuzzled it with his beard and whispered. “I love you.”

“I…love you too.” Josh breathed between moans as Cullen pulled him away from the wall and eased him into a tight embrace. The Commander felt Josh latch onto him desperately as he held his mage in place, deep warmth engulfing him and the Inquisitor as they held onto each other. Cullen moved to kiss his mage but heard him laugh as he pulled away and saw him smiling demurely. “S-Scout Jim.”

Cullen turned quickly and was about to shout at the foolish man but he realized that he held two steaming hot mugs. Jim approached apprehensively and moved to Josh first to whom he handed a mug. The mage smiled sadly as the scout moved to the Commander.

“Have this Commander. It’s a simple broth brewed up by the alchemist to fight the frigid cold.” He smiled as Cullen took the hot mug, unsure about the gesture but touched. He was about to commend the man’s thinking but the man disappeared as fast as he appeared. Cullen turned to Josh and gave him a confused look.

“He likes you.” Josh tittered as he pulled Cullen to sit with him at a snowless spot. Cullen looked at him with a flustered glance but the mage gave him assuring look. “Not in the same way that I like you. He’d like to become more like you.”

“Like me?” Cullen asked with an even more confused look. Josh nodded and took a sip of the broth reminding the Commander to drink of his own broth. It filled him with warmth that dispelled the cold that threatened to make him shiver despite his armor and his pauldrons.

“Sera is quite good friends with him. She says that he looks up to you and that Leliana had given him special consent to help you where he can.” Josh smiled and laughed when Cullen looked at him in shock. “I’ve had no problem with him helping you. Cole even told me of how he helps. Goodness knows you’re too much of a workaholic to even bother about yourself. Who am I to stop a man who worships the ground you walk on and takes care of you- of us?”

Cullen gave him an incredulous look as the mage tittered to himself and inwardly Cullen savored his laugh. Scout Jim managed to make the mage smile despite his sorrows.

“I’m not lying. You can ask Sera if you’d like.”

“No thank you, _ma vhenan_. I don’t want earwigs in my bed again.”

Josh grinned at him briefly.

“Your elvhen is improving.”

“Very soon I’ll be serenading you in elvhen.” Cullen smiled and the mage looked at him with love in his eyes.

“You could serenade me however you’d like and I’d still fall in love with you all over again.” Josh grinned as he set down the mug in his hands. Cullen finished his own broth and did the same. He flushed slightly as reconsidered singing to his mage.

Cullen had a good voice for singing, granted and he loved the fact that Josh loved his voice but he was quite shy when it came to such brazen and sweet methods of wooing. But such would be required. Sera told him that one of them needed to woo the other and Cullen opted wholeheartedly to do so as he started with Branson’s coin. He would sing for his mage one day when he had the courage.

“Oh J-Josh…You are so beautiful…” The Commander stammered and Josh looked away as his tanned skin turned bright red. Cullen placed his hand on Joshua’s cheek and moaned when he felt the warmth seep through his glove right into his skin as Josh moved closer to him while he curling against the hand as a cat would when stroked. Cullen kissed at Josh’s hairline but flinched when he heard the mage sob quietly. “We will find Devon _ma vhenan_. I promise you that.”

“T-Thank you.” Josh whispered as Cullen pulled him into his lap and nuzzled his neck with his beard, garnering a girlish moan from the mage’s lips as the tears still fell.

“Do not cry- because when you cry…I can feel my heart breaking. You are _my_ mage- _my_ Inquisitor- _my_ everything! I cannot see you sad!” Cullen hugged at his mage’s body and the Inquisitor cried out as firm muscle enclosed around him. The Commander held him tight and he felt Josh settle down in his warmth as the mage leaned against him and purred while the ex-templar lapped up his tears. The motion of his tongue against the mage’s skin made Josh whimper as he stopped briefly to speak. “Please Josh…surrender your sorrows to me. I will fill your life with happiness.”

“I-I am yours Cullen.”

 

\---

 

The Knight-Enchanter saw to Arlene’s retrieval personally. He trusted Cullen and Leliana to find Devon with their agents. He also convinced Josephine, with Velanna’s help to contact the Dalish around Thedas to call for the  _Arlathvhen_ : the meeting between Dalish clans every ten years. Through careful chats with keepers and some vouching from Alara and Loranil, the clans who were able to attend assembled inside Ghilan’nain’s Grove in the Exalted Plains.

Josh took a small group with him and Arlene’s body, preserved with an ice spell he designed to keep her singed body from decomposing. Alara accompanied him with Belle, Cullen, Cole, Loranil and Velanna. Solas followed but opted to remain out of sight for the Dalish often treated him with disdain. Josh understood and made sure that the elvhen apostate didn’t feel out of place by checking on him from time to time. The Inquisitor could see that Solas was thankful for his concern.

He managed to get the Dalish to bury her with elvhen rites. It was what she would have wanted- to die as one of the People.

After all was said and done, Josh found himself standing at Arlene’s grave. He stood in silence as Keeper Deshanna approached, her ivory skin and silver hair clashing with the greens and browns of her robe. Her lips wrinkled, but pulled into a perpetual smile.

“Ah- Josh’ua. It is lovely to see you,  _da’len_.”

“ _Aneth ara_ , Keeper Deshanna.” Josh greeted with a sad nod. “We are all shaken. Arlene…she was feisty. No one expected this.”

“She was like your sister,  _da’len_.”

“Oh Creators… _Ashara_ is quite the spitfire at times.” The Inquisitor chuckled to himself as he recalled how fiery she could be at times. “But time changes people.”

“Indeed.” Deshanna said as she stood beside the young man and smiled as she saw Alara meeting the members of Keeper Hawen’s clan. “My daughter can be quite troublesome. Your daughter on the other hand…I have made discreet inquiries with the other Keepers. She is not from any clan that we have encountered before so I suggest leaving things as they are. You and the Commander are her parents now. She need not seek out family when she already has such wonderful people around her.”

Josh nodded and pressed the issue no further. Cullen had asked him not to inquire as he was afraid that they would have to give up the sweet little girl and return her to her clan, but in a way Josh was glad he scratched at the itch he had. He knew now that he and Cullen would look after their daughter as her parents and the Inquisition would be her family.

“Lady Lavellan…” Josh said as he looked at the older woman with a pleading look on his face as he turned to a direr topic, one that had been on his mind since Ashara found the letter inside his foster-father’s journal. “ _Bae_ was a Lavellan. I know it’s…invasive to ask but…what was he like? What was his name? I need something to go by because I want to embrace my Elvhen heritage.”

“I…” The old woman looked nervously towards Alara, who Josh saw walking towards Solas, hidden between the aravels in a tight corner and the Knight-Enchanter saw the old keeper return her gaze towards him with a nod. “Your father was my husband. He was called Fen’an and his path was never at my side. He walked alone and sang amongst the tree, longing for a different life. I know not where he is now or if he still lives but I still love him the same as I did the first day I met him.”

“Fen’an was your husband…so Ashara…she’s my half-sister then?” Josh asked. Warmth filled him as he confirmed what he always felt for Alara. The keeper let out a shrill noise as Josh enveloped her but soon sighed as she wrapped her hands around his body and smiled against his neck. “I love her, Keeper. I never considered her anything less than a sister.”

“I know, _da’len_.” The keeper grinned but soon the grin fell away and Josh gave her a worried look as she cupped his bearded jaw as a mother would. “You must know that it was  _Asha’bellanar’s_  wish for the Trevelyan’s to adopt the both of you,  _da’len_. It is not our place to question her. Know that she protects your mother. Do not even ask me her name. _Asha’bellanar_ has forbidden us. You…will find the truth only if she allows it.”

“I see. So…you met Flemeth?” Josh asked as he eased himself away from her. She nodded.

“Briefly. She asked the family to adopt you. She said that you are an instrument of change. She was right, look at you now: uniting the clans, inspiring hope- reviving the old ways.” Deshanna smiled.

Josh noticed how the other clan members, especially from the clans that he didn’t know looked at him in respect. He turned to Deshanna, who laughed as he showed her how they looked at him.

“Understanding is not the problem. The People are…mistrustful of humans. You are simply the first one that they have found worthy of trusting, after all- Your reason for calling us together was noble. Most humans consider us as slaves, low lives.” Deshanna said as she pushed a white strand back into her bun, Josh watched as Cullen stood with a few of the hunters and gave them some shield pointers. He flushed when the keeper grinned at him. “That said; tell me of your Commander,  _da’len._ ”

“Why?” Josh asked with a hint of horror in his tone that made the keeper titter.

“That he knows our ways speaks well of him and your Inquisition. He seems like a firm yet open-minded man.”

“He is. I love him for that.” Josh said as he smiled at her. “He is  _ma vhenan_. I am nothing without him.”

Deshanna gave him a hopeful look as moved back to her aravel to meet one last time with Alara. She moved to her clan as the Dalish made ready to leave the grove, Josh followed after her and helped her get onto the landship.

“ _Ma serannas_. What you did for Arlene is precious to me and the People will not regret this. I will remember you. Call on me when the People are in need of anything Lady Lavellan. I stand ready to help.”

“Oh _da’fen_ , there is no need.  _Dareth shiral_. May the Dread Wolf never cross your path.” Deshanna greeted as she waved. Josh noticeably cringed at the well wish and he could feel Cullen’s eyes on him as he stood waiting for the aravels to leave.

 The aravels began to file out of the grove until finally all that remained was the Inquisition. Josh asked the others to move on without him and stayed at the grave with Belle. He comforted her as best he could but soon ended up in tears along with his remaining student. He could see that Belle was surprised by his show of emotion but the girl nodded solemnly as he lead her to their horses to leave the grove and followed slowly behind the other horses.

Normally, the Inquisitor sought out his Commander for comfort but for some reason, he could not look at Cullen. He felt horrified by what happened to Arlene even after her burial and it twisted at his guts to know that Belle saw her combust to kill the Red Templars around them. However much he wanted to help, he knew he failed her. He failed them all as he was too stubborn but for the moment he would not fail Devon. He had to save Devon.

He wanted to comfort Belle but ended up over-thinking everything. He eventually began to question his worthiness of Cullen. His mind could not fathom how such a handsome, genuine man could ever love a failure like him. It tore at his insides to confess to his heart that he simply wasn’t worthy of being happy or making Cullen happy. Not even Sulahn. Poor Sulahn…he wasn’t worthy of being her father either. He wasn’t worthy of anyone.

They had decided to camp when the sun grew dull and the winds cold. Josh was too sad to do anything and instead sat amongst the plants and trees in an effort to try and calm down. He could hear the other speaking about him in worried tones and he caught sight of Loranil and Velanna out hunting for game as he sat silently, ruminating over the ill fate his students had befallen.

When the silence got to him, he returned from the bushes, shivering from the cold and quite distressed as he saw the others looking at him in concern as he silently wept. He shuffled over to his tent and pulled off his armor, throwing himself onto the bedroll and lay there in a mound of sad flesh.

Cullen soon entered the tent and settled beside Josh after removing his armor. He let out a small chuckle when the Inquisitor looked at him with a sleepy stare and he traced Cullen’s scar with his fingertips. The tears were gone but Josh still felt sad. He needed to be held and kept whole.

“Your scar is sexier in the dark. It looks striking. Fierce.”

“You sound like you wish you had a scar of your own.” Cullen mused as he hugged at Josh’s body and smiled when the Knight-Enchanter leaned into his body eagerly. Truth be told, Josh didn’t want to seem too clingy, so he feign strength he didn’t have, but inwardly he wanted to hold his friend desperately because he was falling apart inside.

“So you could touch it and tell me how badass I look? Hell yes.” Josh laughed as he kissed Cullen’s neck and took in his musky scent; he smiled into the Commander’s neck.

“Are you okay after…?”

“No…” Josh answered before Cullen could ask. He lifted his chest and hugged at it with his arms as tears welled up in his eyes as he recalled how nightmarish the Fade became after the incident to him whenever he took short naps. “…I keep hearing him. I keep seeing her explode. I keep watching as Belle cuts her hand off. It is horrifying, Cul. It is all I see when I dream. The spirits tell me that Arlene was at peace but I can’t get her screams out of my head.”

“I’m here for you.”

“I know…” Josh said as he pulled Cullen into a deep kiss and stroked Cullen’s hair. “I hope you or Leliana finds Devon. Belle- she told me how she felt about him. It’s like how I feel about you. I must not fail her. Not again.”

“You didn’t fail her.”

“It sure feels like I did.”

Cullen didn’t press on and instead took Josh’s hand and kissed the side of his palm.

“ _Ma vhenan_.” The Commander began as he trailed kisses up Josh’s arm that made the mage moan and eventually ended up at Josh’s lips as he clasped his fingers into the mages and the Inquisitor felt the bracelets slide against each other. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Cullen.” Josh affirmed as he rested his head on the Commander’s broad shoulder and smiled as sleep crept and he was greeted by its gentle hands. He dreamed of death but he was in Cullen’s arms and that alone made him feel at ease in the hellish realm.

 

\---

 

When Josh woke up, he was alone. He yawned as he watched the morning rays dance through the tent. He straightened up his appearance as he opened the tent and was greeted by the warmth air and blue-red sky as the sun rose from its resting place. He looked about and saw no movement. It was still early morning so it was understandable.

He didn’t see Cullen, so he decided to look for the man. He searched the camp gingerly, making sure not to disturb his sister, who clung to Solas with a smirk as she snored or Loranil who slept soundly beside Velanna who looked surprisingly content. Belle and Cole were asleep too, beside an elf he recognized to be Merrill Sabrae, the blood mage companion of Garrett Hawke.

Josh fathomed then that the elf came to them during the night and he silently thanked the Maker. According to _The_ _Tale of the Champion_ , the girl was quite dilly and prone to err but she had a good heart and he could empathize with her lust for elvhen knowledge. He wanted to learn more of the past as well.

He realized that Cullen must have decided to find a quiet spot to exercise or pray before the day started. He saw tracks leading to a secluded river and followed it to a creek. What he saw had him flushed as he hid behind a large rock and watched intently.

Cullen was in the middle of bathing. Water glistened over his muscular form as he scrubbed at dirt and grime with a cloth he pulled from his travel satchel. He watched eagerly as the Commander poured a liquid onto it from a glossy vial and rubbed it to his flesh. Josh’s eyes traced the lines of his back as it trailed lower and lower until it rested at Cullen’s firm backside. The mage very nearly gasped as he watched the water make its journey down ridge after ridge of muscled flesh.

Josh felt his heart race as fire engulfed his skin. His palms grew sweaty as Cullen moved; the water and soap accentuating his exciting body and the mage imagined what it would be like to be at the mercy of such a perfect, strong body.

He shuddered as he pictured what he would look like from the front, all wet and soaped up as he was and he let out a breathy moan that luckily was unheard by the former-templar. He had never seen Cullen shirtless and by only seeing the man’s back and remembering how tunics clung to his chest, he could tell that the blonde was large. He imagined what else could be large as he felt his loins flare with heat and imagined being taken by Cullen…

“Inquisitor? You’re a lot shorter and less scary than the rumors I heard about you.” Merrill said as she settled beside the Inquisitor. Josh jumped at the sudden sound with a loud cry as he tumbled out of his hiding spot and watched as Cullen flushed and ducked under the water, redness covering his entire body as he reached for his pants and pulled it on, but it didn’t hide what Josh looked at, the fabric clinging to Cullen’s body, hiding almost no detail as to how large he was.

“Oh my…” It was all that Josh could manage as his throat dried up in the realization that Cullen was much larger than he expected and that he would have to take _that_ at some point. The elf looked at him in confusion. Cullen scowled as he quickly dried himself off and pulled the youth to his feet with gritted teeth. Merrill apologized and padded back to the camp slightly worse for wear, leaving Josh and Cullen at the river. The Commander glowered at him and Josh felt like he was standing in front of a roaring lion.

“What…” Cullen hissed as he closed his eyes and his anger dissipated and he laughed it off. “…were you thinking?!”

“I wasn’t!” Josh let out a pathetic yelp as he looked at the Commanders ripped chest and gulped. As he saw a refined, hardened torso that he wanted hold onto forever. Josh’s eyes followed his muscles down to his breeches and flushed as he took in Cullen’s size again and gasped. “I looked- Sorry…”

“Look all you like,  _emma lath_.” Cullen said with a small giggle as he pulled on his tunic and watched the mage flush. “I…would have preferred if you saw me like his once we…”

“Cullen…”

“Yes. I know.” The Commander said with a nod. He pulled Josh over to the river bank and they sat side by side on a rather large boulder. “I just…sometimes I wish we took things further. It feels good, this. But I want more.”

The Knight-Enchanter gave him a sad look as he looked away momentarily and blushed when Cullen turned his face back to his and lifted his chin.

“Don’t you want more?”

“I do.” Josh croaked as he looked into the amber eyes that made him fall head over heels in love.

Cullen looked into Josh’s eyes and the mage was unable to hide the panic in them.

“You’re afraid.”

“Shouldn’t I be?” The youth asked as he placed a hand over Cullen’s chest and Cullen let out a small groan at the heat on his chest. “I mean look at you. You’re big. Really big- and really strong compared to me now. I’m average, Cul. And my mind- My mind wouldn’t be with you. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Sera thinks we should take turns. See what works for us.” Cullen mused as he took Josh’s hand and clasped his fingers with the mage’s. Josh felt the mark release a pulse of green fire as the Commander’s palm met his. He could see that it concerned the former-templar but he seemed to ignore it.

Josh gave him a doubting look as he traced Cullen’s scar. It was a habit of Josh’s, to touch the Commander’s scar. He loved the feel of it under his fingertips, the taste it had when he ran his tongue over it before drawing Cullen into a heated kiss, the way it crooked when Cullen would gave him, or anyone a lopsided grin.

"She was surprisingly helpful.” Cullen stammered as the mage’s jaw fell open and the Commander had to push it close with a laugh.

“What did you ask her?!” Josh asked in horror.

Cullen explained some of what Sera taught him and the mage flushed as he arose and gave Cullen a timid look.

“I don’t know what to say, honestly.” Josh grimaced as he rubbed his neck and looked at Cullen in contentment. “I look forward to the day you put the theory into practice.”

“You do?” Cullen asked as he too arose and gave Josh a worried look.

“Yes.” Josh blushed as he looked away and he spoke without looking at Cullen. “I wanted you to take me from the day I met you.”

“Me…take you?”

Josh merely nodded as his flush intensified.

Cullen approached the youth and ran his hands down the mage’s chest and rested them at his hips. He pulled Josh into a passionate kiss and the mage groaned into his mouth involuntarily at the sensation of the tongue mapping out his mouth.

“I…will do my best when you’re ready.” The Commander murmured as he ended the kiss and held onto his mage.

“Cul…” Josh said as he looked off into the distance and smiled to himself. “I could become undone by you just looking at me.”

“Truly?” Cullen asked in an innocent tone, however, his stare was lust filled as he grinned at the mage. “I didn’t know I had this effect on you.”

“I’ve had sleepless nights over you. Think on that, my Commander.” Josh smirked as he claimed the ex-templar’s lips and ran his tongue over the scar. Cullen however had other ideas as he pulled away and moved behind Josh, pushing him flush to the rock he was hiding behind earlier. Josh moved to turn around but let out a girlish moan when he felt something at his ass, semi-hard and rubbing against him eagerly. He was larger than he looked and felt when the Commander had grinded against him in his tower. “Oh…my- C-C-Cullen…”

Cullen leaned against him so that his chest and hips rested against the mage’s back. He breathed hotly against the Inquisitor’s ear and grinded slightly so Josh could feel the thickness he had.

“Cullen…please...a-ah…” Josh mewled as he moved to turn again but Cullen kept him firmly in place as he stopped his grind and kissed at the mage’s neck, garnering a low cry from the mage as the hard flesh settled against him.

“Do you like what you feel?”

“Hhha…” Josh nodded unsteadily, holding back a gulp as Cullen hugged him from behind and kissed at his hair.

 

\---

 

Cullen, Josh, Vivienne, Cole and Sera rushed into the final chamber of the Shrine to Dumat. Alara infiltrated it a month ago and found out about the ritual to bind Calpernia to the Elder One’s will. She said that it was a dark ruin filled with the occasional demon but now it was a bustling Red Templar base of operations and that really concerned the ex-templar.

The Commander approached the figures at the end of the large room dotted with massive shards of Red Lyrium. One figure was against the wall, coughing up blood and the other had his back to Cullen, Josh and the others.

The former-templar watched as Devon turned to Josh with red irises, a mad look in his eyes as he pointed to the tranquil dying from poison. Cullen identified him as Maddox, a former mage friend of Samson from the Kirkwall Circle of Magi.

“I told him not to. He didn’t listen.” Devon grimaced as he looked at Josh with hatred in his eyes; his voice reverberated twice, once human and once inhuman, over lapping into a distorted voice that made Cullen and Josh winch.

“Devon…”

“Do not speak to me churl! I was content. I was happy but to you it wasn’t enough!” he pointed to the mage and let out a wicked chuckle. “You had the Commander. I had no one. Then I found Belle. She loved me and I loved her. But it wasn’t enough. My master wanted more from me. It wasn’t enough that I learned his craft, he wanted me to perfect it.”

The former Knight-Enchanter brandished a blade made from Red Lyrium and pointed to the tranquil.

“Do you know why the red knights are doing all this?” Devon asked as he approached the mage and gave him a sorrowful look and then he glared at the Commander. “Cullen knows why- the Templars are tools misused and mistreated, we make our suffering known, but the templars? They lose parts of themselves to lyrium. Imagine Cullen forgetting you- Or you forgetting him? How would you feel Inquisitor?”

“This does not justify what they are doing!” Cullen roared as he kept his hand ready to draw his blade in case the mage decided to strike at Josh.

“I do not care.” Devon hissed in a snakelike manner as he turned to the Knight-Enchanter and smiled. “The Red doesn’t want you, does it? I can hear it in my blood, calling out. But I can hear it screeching in fear as you approach. It does not want you. Too much. Too much to change.”

“I don’t understand.” Josh said as he reached out but Cullen ended up deflecting a slash to his fingers.

“That’s why you will lose everything Inquisitor. Stop trying to understand. Stop trying to better everyone’s lives. We lost Arlene because of you. _He_ will win, because of you!”

Cullen jumped in front of Josh and deflected another slash as Devon cracked down hard with the Red blade. Josh broke from his solemn trance and tried to reason with the mage but whatever the Red Templars did to him left him addled and beyond saving.

“Grant me death, you selfish bastard.” The former Knight-Enchanter cried as Josh held his daggers to the mage’s neck after Sera disabled him with a well placed full draw and Cullen gave him a sad nod.

Josh slit his former student’s throat and Cullen watched as he bled to death, his lips stammering a silent thank you as his eyes fluttered closed. The Commander cringed when the blade fell out of the dead mage’s hands and the skin began to crackle as Red Lyrium tore out from his skin.

“They fed it to him. He became a weapon.” Josh winched as he pointed to the corpse and looked at Cullen in horror as the former-templar read out a letter written by Calpernia addressed to Samson. It implied that what Samson did was against what she wanted and that she was furious for the tainting of her weapon: Devon.

“But what did he mean by _the Red doesn’t want you_?” Sera asked with a worried look as she backed away from the body and nearly bumped into Vivienne, who scowled. “I mean, that’s good yeah but shite it sounds creepy!”

Cole knelt beside the dead tranquil who held a vial of deathroot in his unmoving hands with a sad smile. Cullen made sure to listen to him but also kept his eyes on Josh just in case. He needed to be ready for the mage to cave in. He…was keeping it all inside. He needed to let it all out.

“ _Raleigh wants us to become more than tools. He wants to have purpose again. Not to be held by a lyrium leash. But we are leashed. I made his armor to protect him with these tools- so that the lyrium keeps him unleashed and unchained. Free_.” Cole said as he pointed to a workbench with an array of smithing tools and enchanting apparatus’.

“I bet my ass that Widdles could reverse-what-you-call-it and break the creepy armor thingy.”

“Delightful, darling.” Vivienne cringed as she shook her head. “Aside from Sera’s horrible language, she has a point. If anyone could exploit his armor, it’s Dagna.”

Everyone turned to leave but Cullen noticed that Josh wasn’t following. He moved closer to the mage while the others looked at Josh in confusion as he stood at the body of his student and snarled.

“We can’t leave him here.” Josh said as he touched the body and let out a small cry of pain as he pulled his hand away and gingerly inspected it. Cullen let out a worried yelp as he watched the Red Lyrium fall away from where the Inquisitor touched the body. Cullen approached him and took his hand, it was unharmed.

“The song changes when you touch it.” Cole said as he moved to the Inquisitor and pointed to his hand as he touched another shard and it crackled with power as it receded and blood pooled where the crystal was. “It is screaming.”

“Screaming?” Josh gave him a worried look as he drained the body of all the Red Lyrium with a pulse of blood magic, he nearly doubled over from the effort but he was largely unhurt. Cullen however was mostly horrified by what his friend could do.

“The Lord Seeker told you. You are like Cassandra. Immune but you are more. You are the opposite of shackles and leash- A key to a lock, a knife that severs ties- to give freedom.”

“So…” Vivienne began as she looked at the spirit with contempt. “If we are to believe the demon, you can purge Red Lyrium?”

“He is no demon, Madame de Fer.” Josh growled as he turned to the ebony skinned woman and bared his teeth. “He is human.”

“I am.” Cole affirmed as he nodded to the Knight-Enchanter then turned to Sera. “ _Shite. Don’t look at me, you. Shite he’s looking at me_. You called me  _he_. Thank you!”

“I…” Sera stammered as she turned red and stomped her feet in anger. “Stop it, you. Human or not that shite is darn creepy!”

“To return to Vivienne’s question, yes. I believe I can.” The Knight-Enchanter looked at her gravely as he tried to lift Devon’s untainted corpse, but screamed out in pain, his mark flared and he pulled it to his chest.

“Shit! Dammit!” Josh cried as he pulled away and Cullen touched his shoulder. He looked at the youth and saw anger but worst than that, he saw fear. “Cul…I am exhausted. I-I didn’t even realize…”

“Let me,  _ma vhenan_.” The Commander offered as he moved to the body and lifted it without effort. His lover mouthed a thank you as Vivienne offered him her shoulder. He took it carefully as they made their way out of the ruin and into the large entrance of the temple. They stopped in their tracks when they saw the horde of behemoths approaching.

“Baddies! Big ones- Piss!” Sera cried as she notched an arrow and fired it towards the group of Red Templar Behemoths, but the arrow never struck. Instead, it got deflected by a movement Cullen saw from the corner of his eye. Vivienne and Cullen shouted in horror when they saw the mage spring to action.

He watched as Josh disappeared into nothingness, a green haze of sparks and an earsplitting battle cry sounded as he appeared before the Behemoths with a loud shriek, slamming his marked fist to the ground. A pulse of green fire rushed outward from him and incinerated the huge gargantuan beasts in a display of blood and veilfire. Red shards fell from bodies and turned to dust as they saw the bodies of former templars, devoid of the Red that turned them into monsters.

Cullen set down Devon’s body and drew his blade in case Josh was in danger, the others followed suit as he edged towards the Inquisitor with caution. He watched as Josh held up the body of a templar who took the Red, the crystals receded from his skin and the man whimpered for his life. Sera let out a scream as Josh seared his throat; the templar let out a gurgle as the mage tossed him aside and turned to his companions, his eyes seething green fire as his mark sputtered sparks that danced about the berserk mage.

“ _In their blood, the Maker’s will is written_.” Josh murmured as he came to his senses, the light in his eyes dimmed as he walked towards Cullen who stood dumbstruck until he watched Josh fall down, motionless.

“JOSH!” Cullen roared as he dropped his blade and grabbed at the mage’s coat. He lifted the mage’s head and cried out when he saw blood draining from his normally tan skin.

“Skyhold! Now!” Vivienne yelled as she helped Sera carry Devon with Cole. Cullen grabbed hold of his lover and said a prayer to the Maker as he rode with all the alacrity his horse could muster.

There was no time for rests. Cullen needed to help his lover. When Cole, Sera and Vivienne got too tired to ride on, he decided to go at it alone as they would catch up eventually.

“Get Dagna and Neria!” Cullen screamed as Leliana came running to the draw bridge as soon as her people spotted the wounded Inquisitor. The spymaster nodded with worry on her face as Cullen took Josh to his tower.

He placed Josh on his bed and frantically stripped him of his armor, but left on his underclothes. He then touched Josh’s skin and cringed when he felt no warmth, only ice.

 _No…No…No!_  Cullen denied inwardly as he felt his eyes begin to water and his heart began to pound. “This is not how it ends,  _emma lath_. Not like this, please!”

“I’m here!” Neria shouted as she raced up the ladder and helped Dagna up. “What happened?”

“I don’t know! He…used his mark and blood magic to obliterate Red Lyrium.”

“What?” Dagna looked utterly amazed as she moved over to the bed. “That is brilliant.”

“I don’t want brilliant, I want him to live!”

“Right! Sorry…” Dagna stammered as she moved beside Neria and watched as the healer cupped his forehead then removed a small shard of glass from her bag. She placed it above his lips and nodded as it grew grey with the mage’s breath.

“He’s still alive, thank the Maker!” Neria nodded as she turned to Cullen with a grave look. “He shouldn’t be alive, Commander.”

Cullen gave her a deadpan glare as the healer shook her head and told Dagna to check his pulse.

“Cullen, whatever he did would kill a mage. He shouldn’t be alive! Something is keeping him alive!”

The former templar looked at her in confusion. How could something keep him alive? Then his mind raced to his bracelet and he remembered what the mage had said, Josh was still wearing his. He quickly moved over to Josh and smiled to himself as he kissed the Knight-Enchanter’s hand.

“Josh gave me this. He said that it would keep us alive if anything happened to us.” Cullen pointed to the bracelet on his hand and the one on Josh’s. Neria’s eyes widened as she took his hand and looked in awe at the fine craftsmanship.

“That would take powerful blood magic.” She mused aloud as Dagna interrupted her words.

“He wanted a practical gift for the Commander. I made it for him; he…did the rest with blood.” The dwarf cringed as she watched Neria pull out her dagger and held it ready to slit her arm. “What are you doing, Warden Surana?”

“Whatever he did, it’s drained him of mana. He needs to replenish it or he will die.”

“He isn’t mana starved, healer.” Solas said as he climbed the ladder and Cullen turned to see his bald head pop out onto the second floor. “It might seem that way, but I know the real problem at hand.”

The elf approached Cullen and gave the unconscious mage a sad look as he placed his hand over Josh’s forehead, Cullen managed to see that the Anchor was dormant, but glowing slightly.

“…He has lost perspective. True he hangs from a thread only possible by the bracelets you wear…but he is out of the worst danger- for the most part. He will live- If he wants to.”

“Perspective? _If_ he wants to?” Cullen asked and Solas nodded. The healer asked Dagna to see to the Inner Circle and to get Alara as she turned to the elven apostate awaiting an answer.

“Understand that breaking Tranquility changes you, permanently. When Josh broke his, he became fractured in terms of his emotions.” Solas said as he moved over to Cullen and smiled. “He loves you and Sulahn. He cares deeply for each of us. What started as an Inquisition ended up becoming a family to him. With the loss of his students, he is fractured once more. He needed to be reminded of what he is fighting for. And that is what he is doing. He is…dormant.”

“So…” Neria began with a confused look as she eyed the bald elf. “He doesn’t want to wake up?”

“Precisely.”

“How do we wake him, anyways?” Cullen asked as he looked at Solas with a determined look.

“Normally, I would enter his mind and speak to him, but because of the bloodbond he has made with you; I think it would be better if you went instead.”

“Me?”

“Do not look so confused, Commander.” The mage let out a chuckle as he pat the taller man’s shoulder as Neria checked on Josh’s condition and confirmed that he was stable for the time being. Cullen let out a snarl when he heard the cacophony outside as people began to stand outside his tower. Solas smiled at him and pointed to Josh with a look of respect. “I will guide you through it and I will watch over the both of you. Think of it as an opportunity to see a new side of your  _vhenan_ : A side that no one but you would ever know.”

Cullen nodded as he watched Solas kneel beside the mage with a hopeful look as he whispered something in Josh’s ear.

 

\---

 

The Commander stood in the Temple of Sacred Ashes, moments before the Conclave exploded. He watched as people scurried about in preparation for the important peace talks that would ultimately fail and he saw Josh with a huge grin on his face as he moved with a taller, bulker man with dark hair, dark eyes and a gorgeous smile.

“I tell you, Lady Serena won’t forgive you for standing her up at the Summerday Ball.” Josh rasped as he nudged the man’s shoulder. The brown eyed warrior shot the mage a grin as he shook his head.

“I don’t care. You guys were in trouble. I’d rather spend my days with my beloved brother and sister than with that fat harpy!”

“Oh Max- I missed you so much, it’s no fun without you visiting me at the Circle.” Josh smiled as he pulled his brother into a hug; Cullen watched from a distance as they pulled away and approached the main hall and stopped at the door.

“I missed you too, brother.” The warrior smirked as he opened the door and the older Trevelyan stopped abruptly. “Have you found anyone that you are interested in? A man, I mean.”

The Knight-Enchanter shook his head slowly with a frown but Maxwell merely grinned as he grabbed at Josh’s neck and scraped his crown with his knuckles. The mage flailed about like a fish out of water and yelled as he chuckled. Cullen found the scene extremely cute and reminded him of how he was with Branson before he got word of Cullen’s affection for Josh.

“Hey!” Josh flushed as he pulled away with a smile. The warrior shrugged.

“Seriously though, any man would be lucky to have you.” Maxwell grinned with a wink as the mage looked at him, doubting his sincerity. “I’m pretty sure he’ll be a warrior like me, you seem to like knights in shining armor. Maybe even a templar. Light hair like Jason, dark eyes like mine- ripped physique, a heart of gold and most importantly, a gentleman. I’ll kick his- well…I’ll kick him if he doesn’t treat you good.”

Cullen cringed when he heard Maxwell. That was why Josh was so heartbroken when Cullen initially rejected him; Maxwell was spot on with his forecast. Josh did fall for a warrior, a blonde, amber eyed templar: Cullen himself.

“A templar and a mage?” Josh looked unconvinced.

“You liked Ser Jason.” The mage flinched and his brother immediately apologized. “Sorry. I forgot.”

“It’s been long enough. It’s no use getting sad about it anymore. I-I miss him.”

“You will find love someday, brother.” Maxwell affirmed as he held his brothers shoulders with a playful grin on his lips. “He will love you and cherish you. You will never want for more.”

“I hope so, brother. I’m very lonely nowadays.” Josh said as he gave Maxwell a sad glance and looked over at the doors with an exasperated look. “Sister is late, as always.”

“Knowing her, she probably found a kitten in need of rescuing, or a mabari. With that one anything’s possible.”

“So true! How are Moth and father?”

“Well enough. They want me to marry Elissa.”

“What?” Josh asked and Maxwell gave him a concerned look as he patted the mage’s smaller shoulder.

“Don’t act so surprised. You know I had a crush on her since she arrived in Ostwick under our family’s care.” Maxwell tittered as he winked at the mage suggestively. “It’s not a bad thing. I like her. She likes me. It’s for the good of Ostwick and it keeps mother in check without involving father. I’m going to propose after the Conclave.”

“So soon?” Josh gave him a worried look and Maxwell shot him a raspberry and slapped his shoulder again.

“I don’t waste time, brother.” The warrior had a lopsided grin as he looked at Josh. His smile faded as he took his brother hand.

Cullen saw Josh give him a heated glare as he moved past his brother and the world faded from view. They stood in complete darkness until the world shifted and they stood at the frozen pier outside Haven. The Knight-Enchanter looked at Cullen solemnly as he sat down and Cullen followed suit, their feet dangling over the edge, the moon above like an unblinking eye.

“I needed to remind myself of him.” Josh said as he stared ahead, not looking at Cullen as the templar watched him breathe, in and out…in and out. It was a mesmerizing motion that made Cullen want to his graze neck with his teeth and lips. But he stopped himself and reminded himself why he was there.

“And suddenly your mother’s actions at Skyhold make complete sense.” Cullen said as he took the mage’s hand with an angry look. “No matter- I’m not going to lose you,  _ma vhenan_. Not to her, not the Elder One, not even to yourself.”

“You won’t. You didn’t have to come, I was just…resting. My mana is about replenished by now.” Josh shrugged as he pointed out in the distance and shifted the realm into an icy forest as the men stood up. Cullen cringed as he saw what came to pass between the Red Templars and the students. Josh urged Cullen not to interfere and the former-templar understood his intentions. He wanted to etch the scene in his mind so that he may never allow anything to happen like that again. He could relate. He felt the same about Kinloch Hold.

“Get back!” Cullen heard as Samson and his soldiers approached a group of young mages while he stood at a distance. It was a red haired youth and a pair of young girls, a blonde human and an elf. The boy intoned a spell and the Commander watched in awe as he sent an entire platoon of men flying into the snow of Emprise du Lion with a blast of stone and wind. As it happened, he felt Josh clasp his hand to his own and he nodded to the mage.

Cullen watched in anticipation as he saw the feisty elf rear up when one of Red knights flanked her. She pushed the tiny blonde girl behind her and invoked a blast of flame. The knight was no more in a matter of seconds; all that was left was ashes as she flailed her hand to extinguish the flames.

“Shit shit shit!” The boy shouted as Samson moved closer and ordered his men to stop attacking the terrified mages. Devon was on his knees and covered in wounds, looking around desperate for a way to get the girls away from the Red Templars- but they were too tired to keep running. Cullen could see the fatigue in their movements. It wouldn’t be long.

“So you are the Tranquil’s pets?” Raleigh hissed as he moved closer, glaring at Arlene. Cullen felt Josh tense up at Samson’s offhand remark but Cullen kissed at his hand and nodded to him as they looked over at Samson who was grinning. “I’m not impressed.”

“Fuck you!  _Na din’an sahlin!_ ” Arlene cried as she formed fire around her body and conjured up a massive pillar of searing flames.

“Calm down, knife-ear.”  The Red Commander smirked as he cracked down on her magic and severed her connection to the Fade with his templar training. Her eyes flew open as she screamed in agony; she tried to conjure up more fire but instead slumped down to the ground as Samson looked at her with a pleased look. “Knife-ears never learn.”

“Belle.” Devon croaked as he gave her a sheepish look, and then turned to Arlene who nodded. “Run my love! RUN!”

“What the…“ Samson managed to shout as Cullen heard a heavy impact. The boy sent a fist of stone to Samson’s chest but the armor absorbed most of the impact of the spell. He ended up on his back but quickly jumped to his feet. He drew his blade as Arlene rose to her feet and cut her wrist with a spare dagger. The young man did the same as Belle ran into the icy forest and towards the town of Sahrnia, her dress matted with blood and covered in tears as she frantically ran, crying all the while. Cullen held onto Josh as the mage covered his eyes, knowing what was to come next. Cullen nodded and hugged at his smaller frame.

“May the Dread Wolf take you,  _shemlen!_ ” The blonde managed to hear the elf cuss as the healer ran on. Cullen saw Devon draw his spirit blade, now blood-red and impaled an unlucky Red Templar. Samson tried to move away, but Arlene was quick, she rushed him and her body exploded outward into a huge blast of fire that singed Samson and half of his soldiers. The scream she made as she fell apart made Josh shiver in his arms.

Belle continued running as inhuman screams filled the air and nearly ran into a tree as she turned to look back. She let out a cry of fright as she and Cullen, who had moved with Josh into the woods, saw a Red Templar Horror slowly approaching and Arlene’s corpse beside the templars trying to douse Samson with snow. He screamed as skin peeled off and Cullen stopped himself from hurling right there and then and made sure that Joshua didn’t see what happened to the Red-Templar Commander.

The healer hid behind a tree and looked on as the templars took hold of Devon’s armor and dragged him away, battered and broken, but he managed to kill about a dozen of them, she failed to see the horror at her flank and screamed as she found her hand impaled to the tree. A shard of red lyrium, pinning her in place as the monster moved closer.

Belle tried her best to break free but she was pinned. It dawned on her that she needed to cut herself free or she’d die like Arlene. She then drew her dagger and with a scream of terror, she began to stab her hand to sever herself from the tree. Pain surged her mind and body as she cut at the flesh desperately. Blood painted the snow red as she finally got free and used her blood to cast a haste spell on herself and ran.

By the time she got to Sahrnia, she was drained and in disbelief as Michel de Chevin cut down the beast and enveloped her as she cried. He helped her into the village and shouted for the Inquisition’s aid.

Josh then changed the realm into a forest with lust bushes and flowers. They stood under a waterfall as the water filled the air with a sense of calm.

“I needed to see it for myself- Hundreds of times if need be- it haunted me. Now I draw strength from it.”

“I was so worried,  _emma lath_.” Cullen rasped as he claimed Josh lips and pushed the mage down and held him fast with his arms as he straddled the mage and pushed his chest to the youth’s. The Knight-Enchanter mewled into his mouth as their tongues fought and Cullen smiled as he pulled away but soon it was replaced with a worried look that made Josh stop what he was doing. “Don’t ever do something like that again.”

“But I…”

“Never again.” The Commander roared as he held Josh’s chest in his vice grip. Josh looked at him and lowered his head in obedience with a whimper “Good. Looks like I’ll have to discipline you.”

“ _Discipline_  me?” The mage gulped.

“You are  _mine_ , Josh.” Cullen murmured as he kissed at his neck and bit down. Josh yelped as he grabbed onto Cullen’s chest. He let out a series of groans as Cullen kissed his neck and moved his teeth over the kisses. “ _Mine_.”

“I-I am.”

The mage let out a deep groan as Cullen moved his hands from Josh’s body and it settled over his most sensitive area. Cullen’s hands undid the ties of his breeches and his hand dipped inside. Josh’s breath hitched at the contact.

“Hha!” Josh cried and looked at Cullen with an alarmed look. The ex-templar however didn’t bother to look at him and continued to stroke lovingly at the rapidly hardening flesh in his hand.

“Not here.” Josh yelped as he pulled away. “You’re drawing attention. The demons and spirits-”

“And you’re standing at attention.” Cullen mused as he nibbled the mage’s right ear. He then moved backward to admire his handwork as Josh glowered. His neck was covered in love-bites and his hardness was flared between them.

“Just…no. Not here.” Josh cussed as he pushed at Cullen’s hand and tucked himself away and his clothes neatly. “Not here…”

Cullen was about to object when he saw the realm crumble before his eyes.

 

\---

 

“Welcome back-“

“Out!” Cullen commanded as he gave Josh a voracious glance. Josh looked sheepishly at Solas and shrugged. The elf chuckled as he shook his head in amusement when Josh apologized.

“ _I-Ir abelas, ma falon_.”

“I understand _nas’falon_.” Solas said as he moved over to the ladder. Josh was about to move from the bed when Cullen appeared before him, red faced and seething as he pointed to the bed.

“Stay there if you know what’s good for you.”

“But I…” He saw Solas shake his head as the Inquisitor protested and yelped as Cullen yanked him by his hair with forcefulness that made his heart quake in both fear and love. The Commander pushed him down so that he rested chest down on the bed like a wild mutt being trained by its owner. “A-Ah!”

“Shut up.” Cullen growled and the mage nodded meekly, the raspy voice echoing in his head and filling him with excitement as he watched the ex-templar move.

Cullen followed the elven mage down the ladder and locked the door. The mage above chuckled as he heard Alara’s voice from below being stifled by Solas as he assumed the elf would take his sister away to his rotunda. However, the Inquisitor’s thoughts were broken when he caught sight of Cullen, still red faced as he approached. The Knight-Enchanter proceeded to get off the bed, pushing himself towards his Commander with a smile.

“Cullen- Ow!” Josh cried as a fist connected with his jaw, filling his mind with pain as he tumbled down. He whimpered as Cullen pulled him roughly to his feet and threw him shoulder first into the stone wall, the former templar pushed himself flush to the mage and growled again as Josh cowered in fear. “C-Cullen…w-what are you d-doing?”

“You have proven to me today that I cannot trust you, as such I am taking it upon myself to discipline you.” Cullen said in a tone Josh knew all too well- the tone he used with his recruits and especially on Scout Jim. For some reason, the mage wasn’t bothered by it- it actually made his body quake as the Commander leaned against him and stroked at the bruised, pained flesh at the mage’s jaw. “You will only speak if I ask you to.”

Josh nodded as the former-templar pulled him close and groped at his ass hungrily. The mage let out a cry of pleasure as he felt his lover slip a warm hand against his underwear, caressing flesh as it responded to his touch. Josh let out a shrill noise as Cullen grinned at him, all the while stroking up and down at his clothed flesh with practiced fingers.

“Someone’s eager.” The Commander tittered.

“P-Please…”

“I didn’t say you could speak.” Cullen murmured as the hands suddenly ripped away and tugged hard at his balls. Josh cried out in pain but soon mewled as Cullen massaged gently at his balls and kissed at his neck. “I think I need to physically discipline you.”

The Inquisitor let out a brief whine as Cullen let go and pulled him to the bed. He tossed Josh back first onto the bed, wasting no time to grip at the mage’s undergarments. The mage cried out again as he was stripped of his clothes and left naked and wanting while Cullen appraised him silently. He moved about as Josh lay there, looking lecherously as the mage moved to cover himself.

“You. Are. _Mine_.” The Commander sneered as he slapped at Josh’s hands, forcing him to let go, garnering a purr from the ex-templar. The mage let out a worried sound as he felt Cullen’s eyes all over him, taking in everything he had with a sadistic grin. The Commander then straddled the mage, making sure that Josh looked directly into his eyes as he leaned forward. He caressed Josh‘s cheek and moved his lips to the Inquisitor’s neck, breathing against his flesh for a moment as the mage cooed at his touch. “So beautiful…All mine…”

Josh squealed as Cullen bit down at the flesh, teeth filling his mind with pain as the Commander kissed at the impression left by him. Josh flushed deeply as Cullen pulled away and smiled at him, still red in his face but love in his brown eyes as he kissed at Josh’s chest and giggled when the mage sighed in contentment. Josh froze as Cullen stopped moving, only looking into his eyes. He saw spangles of golden light as Cullen traced his face again, the lust in his eyes hardening him further. Josh cried out as Cullen reached down to stroke him, only to gasp slightly as he felt the mage’s pre on his fingers.

The Commander growled as he pulled Josh into his arms, effectively slamming him into his broad, clothed chest. The mage was disoriented by the movement and tried to steady himself. Unfortunately, Cullen pulled him over his lap, making sure to secure him in place and traced a warm finger down his spine teasingly slow until he reached the beginning of the cleft of Josh’s ass. It was then that something curious happened.

A hard slap reached his cheeks; Josh gritted his teeth and howled noisily as the man keeping him in place laughed to himself and he stroked the overheated flesh.

“C-Cullen! Aaah!” Josh shouted and Cullen brought another slap Josh’s way. More pre dribbled from Josh’s hardness as the former templar massaged at his back muscles with strong but gentle fingers. The motion calmed the mage down only to be interrupted by yet another slap to his ass, garnering a low cry from the mage practically squirming in delight from the pain that washed over him “Ngh! Hhha!”

The mage cried out as the hand smacked his flesh a few more times, but he wasn’t crying out from pain anymore. He could feel Cullen’s weapon at his chest, pressing angrily at him and he felt large- almost too large to fit. Josh let out another yelp that made him breath sharply as he felt Cullen’s hand hit his ass again.

“What a good mage you are…” The Commander murmured as he stroked at the enflamed flesh again. Josh turned to look at him and flushed as he took in the man’s words. Something inside him puffed up as he agreed that he was a good mage for submitting to his templar- his Lion. He let out a huff as he felt Cullen’s hand trail towards his entrance and flushed further as a finger rested against the ring of muscle, but it was soon pulled away as he felt Cullen’s hand rest at his back. He looked questioningly at the ex-templar and saw a man with uncertainty in his eyes.

“I-Is something wrong?”

“I don’t have anything to make entry as smooth as possible. I fear I wasn’t planning for this, my love. I don’t want to hurt you-“ Cullen spoke in a loving, but concerned voice. Before Cullen could finish however, Josh reached backward, all the while blushing as he intoned a basic summoning spell. His mana conjured a mass of sticky grease on his palm that he presented to the Commander, who hummed curiously at its sudden appearance. “Hmm? W-What’s this?”

“Grease. Mages who seek to master the Creation school are required to learn it.” The mage answered a little too eagerly. “I’ve u-used it a lot…”

“A lot? Then…you must have a very _active_ imagination…”

“Yes…”

“What did you imagine?”

“Submitting to you.”

He felt Cullen take it with a small chortle from his hand and felt his heart race as Cullen kissed at his palm and purred to himself. The mage pulled his hand back to where it was and cursed to himself for admitting what he often did when his feelings got the better of him. However, he writhed against the tongue that danced against his spine, filling him with a feeling of utter elation as the now slicked up fingers traced his ring of muscle, earning a high pitched moan from the mage.

“Are you ready?” Cullen asked as his other hand stroked at Josh’s neck. The Inquisitor nodded to him and cried out as the tip of his large finger was pushed inside.

Josh had never felt anything like it and as such, his anxiety got the better of him. He squirmed against the foreign feeling, panting for breath as he clawed hard against the sheets of the bed. He clamped down on the finger inside him as it moved further, pressing down onto _something_ inside him that made him gasp in ecstasy.

Warmth and pleasure flooded his mind and loins, making him shoot his load in that moment with a loud, girlish moan against Cullen’s thigh. He immediately tensed up as he sobbed lowly. He was expecting his Commander to shout and be angry but the larger man’s arms curled around him, pulling him towards the brown eyed man. He cried even more as a hand traced his face, with no concern for the seed that slipped down to the bed sheets in a sticky mess, but concern for his mage.

“Oh Maker…Did I hurt you?! Forgive me! I-I didn’t mean to-“ Cullen stammered as Josh felt himself get coiled into an passionate hug. He pushed at Cullen’s chest and shook his head and cried even more, making the former-templar yelp. “I’m so…“

“I-I came too- too soon…Please…I wanted to last longer for you! Please forgive me!” Josh cried and felt hands at his hips, holding him lovingly as the blonde he sat on shook his head and looked quite confused.

“I-I didn’t hurt you?” The larger man asked as he wiped at Josh’s tears. The mage nodded and he gasped as he felt Cullen hug at his chest again. “Maker’s breath, I was so afraid!”

“Cul…” The mage whispered and the man hugging him pulled away and looked at him in concern. “I…I’m sorry I soiled your breeches.”

“Oh these?” Cullen giggled as he pushed Josh backward onto the bed. He then stood upright as he slowly untied his soiled breeches and tossed them into the corner of the tower. “It’s not a problem, Joshua. I can take care of myself. I…don’t want to hurt you.”

The mage’s breath then hitched as Cullen pulled off his tunic, making a show of it as he flexed his arms and his chest. The mage let out an involuntary gasp as he took in the ridged chest in front of him and the clear cut path of muscle that moved to a small trail of tiny, golden curls that led to his hard flesh, pushing vigorously against his smalls. Josh let out a gasp as Cullen slowly, but surely slid his smalls and allowed the mage to take in his length.

Josh wasn’t small, but compared to what he saw before him, he was definitely dwarfed by the girth and sheer size of it. He immediately rose from the bed as Cullen stroked at the flesh with his slicked up fingers. The mage watched excitedly as the flesh hardened even further at its owner’s touch, the head of it pronounced as Josh reached out and touched the flesh.

Cullen moaned as Josh pried the flesh out from his hold, an intense, overwhelming warmth engulfed his hand as he stroked at the throbbing flesh that barely fit in his smaller hand, doing what he often did to himself to bring release. He was about to stroke faster when Cullen glared at him and shook his head.

“You don’t have to, _ma vhenan_.”

“I want to. I…” Josh’s cheeks overflowed with heat as Cullen ripped him up to his feet. Cullen glared at him again but the glare softened as the mage kissed at his scar and held him close. “I…I want you to make love to me, C-Cul.”

“Make love to you? But you already…I don’t want to hurt you…”

“Please Cullen.” The mage begged and he saw the templar look at him with worried eyes as he nodded slowly. He pushed the mage backward and straddled him as they both toppled onto the bed, the former-templar curling over his mage. Josh lay there obediently as Cullen cupped his cheek and smiled as he lifted the mages legs and traced the slightly stretched ring of muscle all the while keeping his legs propped up on his shoulders.

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve…n-never been surer about anything in my life Cullen. Your Inquisitor wants to be taken by his Commander. Please…” Josh rasped as he felt Cullen ease a finger inside him. “Take me. I trust you Cullen.”

The former-templar nodded as he began to thrust his finger, making sure not to touch the area he touched before lest the mage end up shooting his load early again. Josh let out a sigh as wonderful sensations clouded his mind. Soon they were doubled as another finger was added, making the Inquisitor buck against his Commander eagerly. He gasped loudly as a third finger was inserted and held tightly against the bed sheets. The seed that he shot earlier was still there and made the bedsheets cling to his back with coldness but he didn’t care.

“Cullen…please take me.” Josh murmured as he smiled at the Commander mapping out his entrance with his fingers; the larger man nodded as he pulled fingers out slowly, earning a sigh from the mage as he was left empty and aching to be filled.

Josh let out a loud whimper as he soon felt a slicked up, hard rod of flesh against his ass. Cullen leaned over him, teasing his entrance slightly as he pulled Josh towards him so their foreheads met. He kissed tenderly at the mage’s lips and Josh could not help but moan at the show of affection as Cullen pulled away tentatively and grinned with smoldering eyes.

“If it becomes too much, you say _“Shite”_ and I will know to stop.” Cullen said. The mage nodded eagerly, inwardly giggling at the Commander’s use of Sera’s favorite cuss as a safeword. However, his mind clouded as the large appendage was pushed inside him. Josh cried out in pain and pleasure as the head was eased inside, and then pulled out, only to be pushed inside again.

Each moment, in and out, inch by inch made the mage gasp as he worried that the large rod of flesh would not fit. His own member hardened as he took in the grunts Cullen made as he pushed and pulled until _finally-_ the entire length was inside him, contorting his insides to make room for the large member. Cullen leaned against him and made sure to cradle the mage’s back as he remained fully hilted.

Josh let out a yelp as the warm length was retracted, leaving him utterly empty as Cullen hugged at his chest, only to thrust inside completely to the hilt again. Each thrust made Josh impossibly hot inside as he clung to his lover for dear life, sweat dripping down their bodies as Josh tried his best to keep up with his lover.

“Aah!” Josh cried as Cullen pushed further. The Commander growled as he quickened his pace. The mage curled against him, relishing in the sound of Cullen’s hips slamming against his cheeks so loud and brazenly. The feeling of the cock inside him, pressing and filling him up to the brim made him cry out in delight as Cullen angled his hardness at just the right angle and hit his sweet spot hard.

“Josh…” Cullen groaned as he slowed down and pulled Josh into his grasp, still thrusting hard and fast as he repositioned the mage into his lap. “Is this better?”

The Inquisitor nodded feverishly, howling in pleasure as the new position allowed him to cling to Cullen more comfortably and allowed his Commander to thrust into him more deeply. He wanted to kiss at Cullen’s jaw but he was so engrossed in the pleasure that kept filling him up that he didn’t even realize that he climaxed a second time. He felt Cullen pull out of him and move away but Josh clutched to his chest and snarled.

“Don’t you dare _vherain_. Please finish.”

“But you’ll get hurt.” Cullen griped but Josh shook his head, touched by this Commander’s concern.

“Then I’ll get hurt. I-I want you to feel as I do, please.”

“Are you sure?”

“Please Cullen…please take me!”

Cullen nodded slowly and allowed the mage to straddle him again. He cradled Josh’s ass as he proceeded to ride the former-templar’s cock. Despite the pain and fatigue he had, he managed to harden again as he took in the sounds that he got from the man he loved. They filled him with warmth and lust as he reminded himself that Cullen made those noises only because he was fucking his beloved mage.

Josh’s insides pressed down on Cullen, but the Commander was still pounding away, it was only until Cullen repositioned, again still inside his mage so that Josh was face down against the bed that Josh began to feel truly elated while Cullen pumped at the mage’s cock. Josh came again, crying out in pain as the seed landed between his legs onto the bed.

Josh had no respite, he soon felt a slight twitch from the cock inside but soon the movement increased until Cullen’s hips pressed against him firmly. He felt a profound sense of love as a slick heat spurted inside him, violently quaking as Cullen held him tightly against his quivering body.

It was a good minute or so as Cullen erratically pumped into him his warm spunk until the Commander pulled out slowly with a *pop* that made Josh chuckle somewhat as Cullen still leaned over him, a tired, panting mess of flesh, seed and sweat. The mage let out a gasp as he felt his insides begin to expel the seed inside of him as it trailed down his ass and flowed onto the inside of his thighs and balls. He was too tired to move and murmured as he felt a loving mouth settle at his back, kissing tenderly as it moved.

“Maker…” Cullen whispered as he moved away from Josh’s back and settled beside him, he kissed at Josh’s face and smiled as the mage flushed and smiled in return as they both collapsed onto the bed with tired sighs. “T-That was amazing. You are so beautiful as you are my love…I…uh…”

“Y-Yes?” The mage yawned as he turned to Cullen; the older man blushed this time, making the mage look at him questioningly as they came down from their high. He noticed that Cullen’s normally styled hair was disheveled and inwardly giggled. He knew that he looked no better than his sexed up Commander.

“I want to take you again.”

“I will never deny you.” Josh said; a hint of a smile of his lips as Cullen looked at him with anxiety. Josh wrapped a hand around his Lion’s chest as he turned and scooted closer, allowing Cullen to mount him again and smiled at the blushing man that loomed over him. “I am your Wolf, Cullen.”

“Indeed you are.” Cullen rasped as he moved closer so that their sweat covered bodies were flush together. The mage yelped as he felt Cullen, still hard as he was a moment ago, prodding hard against his torso. He let out another yelp as he felt himself get wrenched into the larger man’s arms. He whimpered as Cullen pushed him against the wall and he instinctively coiled his legs around his Commander. “So eager…so obedient…”

”Am I your first?”

“Y-Yes…” Cullen managed with a small nod as he aimed his weapon towards Josh’s slicked up entrance. The mage cried out as Cullen bit down at his neck and eased the tip inside with a slow thrust upward, making the Inquisitor see stars as he tried to wrap his hands around his Commander but instead ended up having his hands pinned to the wall. The former-templar smiled between the pants he made as he slowly edged inside the mage writhing against him. “A-Am I lucky enough to be the first person who taken you, love?”

“I am yours alone, Cullen Rutherford.” Josh breathed as the Commander stilled his movements so Josh could get used to the length inside him. “Oh Cul…I am the lucky one- To have found a loving man like you…I love y-you!”

“I l-love you too, Josh.”

 

\---

 

Cullen woke up in the middle of the night, startled as he recalled Kinloch Hold and the blood magic that warped his mind. He shook his head and instinctively reached to his left for Josh. A shrill noise reached his lips when he realized that Josh wasn’t next to him. The night was cool and so he decided against covering his reddened chest but pulled on his breeches in case he had any visitors. He heard someone reading to himself as the sound for a quill and ink sounded from below.

The Commander let out a giggle when he moved over to his desk and saw Josh going at it, writing out many letters and reports. The mage was so engrossed in what he was doing that he didn’t seem to notice the man moving closer to him. It was only when Cullen appeared behind the chair, his shadow cast over him by the candles that the mage looked behind him and gasped girlishly. He quickly jumped up and flushed as Cullen feint anger, while folding his arms over his chest.

“I’m sorry!” The mage cried as he pointed to the many sheets of vellum, reports and letters that Cullen had recognized. They were the documents and orders that he didn’t complete as yet as he got quite engrossed in Josh. The mage looked at him in fear as Cullen gathered up the pages and placed them aside. He then sat down on the space he made and pat his lap. The mage nodded and sat on his lap and murmured. “P-Please punish me.”

“Punish you?” Cullen chuckled. “For helping me? Never.”

“But I…” Josh griped but Cullen silenced him with a kiss on his lips. The templar moved his fingers to Josh’s chest as the mage did the same, tracing his flesh with smaller, tender fingers. He heard the mage cry out as he traced Josh’s chest. When the cry came out louder and more pained, he looked at Josh questioningly. The Inquisitor let out a sad sigh. “I’m okay.”

“You’re not. Show me where I hurt you.”

I…” Josh gulped and the look of anxiety in the mage’s eyes concerned the Commander. “Alright. Please…don’t overreact. I’m…okay and I love the feeling of your force.”

The former-templar nodded but soon cried out in horror as he saw darkening welts that covered much of Josh’s chest as the mage lifted his tunic. He traced his fingers down them, sobbing as he slowly moved to the mage’s hips and the mage nodded as he dropped his tunic down.

“There’s more, but they will heal in time. I mostly limp about but it’s nothing to get alarmed over. Neria had a look at me just in case. She’s actually quite happy with our progress.” The mage smiled. Cullen however was quite distressed. Josh touched his face and smiled again, only brighter than before. That smile made the Commander smile. “I’m going tomorrow with Belle, Cassandra and Mother Giselle to Kinloch Hold to scatter Devon’s ashes. Cole’s been looking after her so…we don’t have to worry about her for now. Oh yes- Sulahn is with Sera and I kissed our _da’len_ good night so you don’t have to worry about her…I also asked Jim to get some food and wine from the kitchens. I’m sure you’re hungry. I know I am.”

Cullen nodded, mention of Kinloch Hold threatened to make his mind throb but Josh’s presence dispelled the pain.

“I am…but I- I’m sorry Josh. I shouldn’t have been so rough.”

“Oh Cullen…” The mage smiled as he traced the older man’s scar with his fingers. Cullen felt his body grow warm as the mage grinned at him, a genuine love in his eyes that Cullen adored with everything that he was made of. “Be rough, be gentle- be however you want. I told you that I love anyhow. _Da’din’sil’melana_ was worth the pain.”

“That _da’din-thing_ you said now…” Cullen flushed as Josh kissed at his scar slowly; the mage chuckled as he moved backward. “You said it at Honnleath too. What does it mean?”

“Roughly, it refers to the brief moment after loving-making when your mind clears up. I’ve…a-always wanted to experience it. I wasn’t expecting the experience with you to be so intense…”

“Oh?” Cullen giggled as he pulled Josh into his arms. The mage purred as Cullen moved his teeth over the sensitive flesh that covered his neck. The sound the mage emitted made the former-templar swell with pride as he pulled Josh again into his lap, making sure that he was tightly enveloped by hardened flesh. “Have I lived up to your fantasies?”

Josh didn’t answer and instead nodded bashfully as he let out a satisfied sigh and curled against his Commander’s muscled chest. Cullen smiled as he felt the warmth of the mage filling him with a sense of happiness and fullness that he would like to feel every day, if possible.

“I-I…uh…” Cullen stammered as an idea crossed his mind. The mage in his arms turned his head slightly, waiting eagerly what the Commander had to say. For some reason, Cullen couldn’t get the image of a domesticated wolf and its master out of his head. In a way, Josh was tamed- only for his Lion. He sighed as his cock stirred at the notion of Josh’s submissiveness. But he wanted to be submissive too at some point. “Would you consider taking me someday?”

“M-M-Me?” Josh stammered as he looked at his Commander. The older man chuckled as he saw how worried the mage looked as Josh traced his jaw. Cullen relished in the feeling of the fingers touching his stubble and flesh. He nodded to the mage and got a confused yelp in response. “I’m afraid I might not be able to satisfy you, _ma vhenan_.”

“When feel that you are able, try at the very least. I will not consider you any less of a man Josh…but for now…” Cullen kissed at the mage’s ear and got a breathy moan that sent his blood rushing south. ‘How long do you think Jim will take to get the food and wine?”

“He’ll arrive very soon. I called him a while ago…“ Josh managed to say when Cullen dipped a finger into Josh’s breeches and got a loud cry of pleasure from the mage, making him squirm in Cullen’s lap. “Ahhh!”

“I love the sounds you make. Let’s see what other noises I can draw out from you…” Cullen giggled as he began to pump the flesh in his hands. To his amusement, Josh was already being to harden. The mage inhaled deeply as Cullen took his other hand and teased it at his clothed ass.

“Aah…Cullen…”

“I will make you scream my name. Everyone will know what a good mage you are.”

 

 


	10. Of Hearts and Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen asks something of Josh that could end their relationship forever. Neria and Solas decide to set the record straight for the jealous, insensitive Commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My next chapter will be up next week so i thought i'd wish everyone a Happy New Year in advance.  
> The song Josh sings is Star Sky (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell.  
> Also, more smut ahead.

The Inquisitor had made it his mission to learn. Even if it meant the final week before the ball would be crammed with training and exercises to test his skill. He asked Josephine to find trainers to help him out in that endeavor. Cullen was rather confused by his efforts; nonetheless he supported his mage wholeheartedly.

The mage trained hard in the arts of Rift Magic with “Your Trainer” and Solas. Between the two of them, Josh had picked up quite a few tricks that he wove into his normal magic. According to the mage, it allowed him to expend a smaller pool of mana and create a more devastating effect. This was evident when Cullen heard that the Knight-Enchanter smacked an unruly customer in the tavern who was sexually harassing Felissa, the man ended up flash frozen- a feat that took considerable mana but in the mage’s case, it was barely a drop of power in his pool of mana. From that moment on, patrons of the Herald’s Rest made sure to treat Felissa well lest they end up like the poor fool Josh froze. Josh’s leaps and bounds in developing his magic made Cullen feel ill at ease to say the least. He didn’t like it at all, but he trusted Solas to train him. “Your Trainer” freaked the hell out of him.

Josh trained eagerly with Varric and Three-Eyes, who taught the mage the importance of placement and timing. Apparently, they taught the mage to construct basic mines and a thieves’ lantern but they ended up taken aback when they saw him scatter an open field with a variety of ice mines in a matter of seconds that Sera found almost impossible to navigate without asking Josh where he set the mines. Needless to say, the rogue forced Josh to buy her drinks after she ended up with a numb butt. Cullen held in a laugh as he saw how the elf scolded him like a naughty child. The Commander knew first hand that Josh reveled in being submissive. It didn’t matter if it was Sera or the former-templar himself doing the admonishing.

However, Cullen found it curious when Cassandra called him to help with Josh’s next training session. He approached and saw the man he loved standing next to a man he recognized as Ser, a knight who understood the templar principles but never entered the folds of the Order. The older man gave Cullen an odd look when Josh explained his intentions. Even Cullen looked confused the more he listened to the mage’s idea.

“Look. I am a mage. I get that. But I want to learn to be a Templar.”

“W-Why would you want to learn that?” Cullen asked as he approached the mage with a worried look and turned to Cassandra who smirked.

“He wishes to understand them better.” She answered as she placed her hand on Josh’s shoulder and smiled. “He will not get addicted to Lyrium as he is a mage, it will help him when combating hostile magicks, which is something we face everyday out on the field and it will prove that mages can learn control, something that the world desperately needs to see for itself. Who better than the Inquisitor? I approve.”

Cullen shook his head and abruptly pulled the mage inside the smithy. He noticed Cassandra giving him a silent glare as he moved inside with the mage. Once they were out of earshot of anyone in the smithy by standing in the stairway that led to Cassandra’s quarters, Cullen pinned Josh against the stone wall and gritted his teeth, earning a small yelp as Josh lowered his gaze.

“I…I don’t want this for you.” Cullen blushed as he gave Josh a heated glare. His voice broke slightly and made the Inquisitor look at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Cullen? A-Are you afraid?”

“I am.” The Commander muttered as he took the hand that held the bracelet that saved his lover’s life and clasped his hand with the smaller man’s fingers, allowing Josh to move away from the wall and lean against his chest. He felt the Mark flare at his touch and he let out a small growl at the electric sensation. “Do what you must, but this will incur a punishment. I do not want this for you.”

“Good.” Josh said as he smiled at the former templar with lust in his eyes that sent his blood rushing south. “I look forward to you…punishing me.”

“I should put your smart mouth to good use.” Cullen said as he slid his fingers down Josh’s scarf, a length of silk brocade that Cullen managed to procure from Val Royaeux. He felt quite bad for Josh, walking about with such a brazen show of their antics in bed that he gave it to Josh to cover it up, a sort of apology and courtship in the same instance. Cullen smiled as his fingers moved it and revealed the marked skin, the bite that showed his claim on the Inquisitor. He felt his heart quicken as Josh flushed as the former-templar breathed against it slightly and shifted the scarf back into place. “Let’s return. You will see this through and I will revel…in your _punishment_.”

“As you wish  _ma’vherain_.” Josh slurred as he kissed Cullen’s scar with an amused look and returned to his training. Cullen vowed to himself that he would wipe that smug look of Josh’s face and make the mage cry out his name as he begged for his punishment.

The Commander then cringed inwardly and wondered when he became so…dominant over and possessive of Joshua. It was a recent development. He liked the feeling and Josh liked being dominated, so long as they didn’t hurt each other. Privately, the Commander smiled to himself. He wanted to assert himself more in bed. He wanted to be completely in control and some part of Cullen took pleasure in knowing that Joshua would like the same.

He returned outside and watched eagerly as Josh trained and found himself in awe as he observed the training. Josh learned to dispel magic as a templar does at a much advanced rate than any templar had ever learned. He asked Vivienne to help him out by tossing spikes of ice at him and using barriers to test the power of his newly trained skill. She found herself drained and defenseless as he purged her magic with a click of his fingers, barely wasting any mana, which dumbfounded both the instructor and Cullen himself. The Court Enchanter was tired but she managed a grin as she congratulated him on besting her magic. The Commander could swear that he saw a flicker of pride for the mage in her eyes.

Cullen retreated to his tower after his inspections were done and took Sulahn to watch the stars outside. Josh came later after an exhausting day of training. He hugged at the child and his lover as they stood on the battlement and took in the cool breeze moving through the mountain pass.

Josh took the little girl and set her down in his lap as Cullen settled down beside him with a grin.

“So how was your day,  _ashalan_?”

“It was exciting!” The child signed and Cullen chuckled at her enthusiasm,, Josh taught him how to sign and how to understand it. It really helped to understand the little child. “Belle taught me to cast a light spell. Ooh oh! And Cole kissed her! Like you kiss  _bae_!”

“Cole…kissed a girl?” Cullen mused with blushing cheeks. “That was quick.”

“I’m glad. She needs someone- and it’s about time Cole found someone too.” Josh smiled as he kissed Sulahn’s cheek and allowed her to walk about the area as he weaved ice into the shape of a cloud and made it snow slightly.

The little girl marveled at the magic and danced in the blizzard with a happy look, the very same look mirrored on her parents’ faces as they watched her. Josh turned to Cullen with a content look and leered.

“I’m glad we’re together. I’ve never been this happy before.”

Cullen took his hand and ran his finger across the Mark and laughed when Josh let out a low whimper.

“Do you enjoy our nights together?”

“S-Sometimes I worry, but you’d never hurt me on purpose.” Josh shrugged with a grin. “But when you do, it’s an enjoyable pain.”

“Do you trust me?” Cullen asked and Josh looked at him with concern.

“I do,  _emma lath_.” Josh said as he was about to kiss Cullen’s scar, but Sulahn came running with a smile as Alara made her way to the men, not before dispelling the mini ice storm and gave them a naughty look. She then looked at the little girl and took her into her arms with a happy look.

“Yay! Girl’s night!” The child signed with excited hands as she played with Alara’s hair and hugged at her dress.

 _“Girl’s night?”_ Josh asked with a worried look.

“We’re going to spoil her rotten and have a sleepover in my quarters with Nuggles.” The archer said as she leaned down and allowed Sulahn to kiss her fathers’ as she moved over to Cullen’s tower’s door with a wide, ear to ear smile on her face. “Be gentle with him, Commander. You’re a lucky man, brother. He has really pulled out all the stocks.”

Alara left with their daughter and Josh turned to Cullen with a nervous look.

“I’m afraid to ask, but what have you planned?”

“Follow me. Don’t ask questions.” Cullen growled as he led the Knight-Enchanter into mage’s bedroom. Josh let out a gasp as he climbed upstairs and it was evident that the Inquisitor loved the aroma of lavender scented candles. Cullen reminded himself to thank Lady Montilyet when he saw her again for organizing the things he needed at such short notice.

The mattress was covered with a few covered platters and a bucket of ice and wine. Cullen stripped off his shirt and boots and asked Josh to do the same. Josh then sat down beside his Commander as Cullen opened the wine and poured it out and handed the mage a glass. Josh smiled as Cullen opened up a platter with crackers and cheese.

“This is lovely,  _ma vhenan_.” Josh said as he traced a finger over Cullen’s hard chest. The templar grinned as Josh mapped out his abs with soft fingers.

“You really like touching me, don’t you?”

“It is a bad habit; I admit…You feel unreal. Like I have to remind myself that you are here.”

“Oh right.” The former-templar said as he fed Josh a cracker with brie and an olive. The mage took it eagerly in his mouth and grinned as he sipped his wine. “Since you see the Fade, what do I look like to you?”

Josh looked at him with a thoughtful expression. He pressed his head to the Commander’s chest and smiled to himself as Cullen settled his head in his lap, Josh looked at him from below with pure love in his eyes.

“I see a man made from yellow light with much pain in his heart, a fire in his eyes and a blindingly faithful soul. I see a lion: The Lion who claimed me.” Josh flushed as he pointed to his marred neck. “I see the man I have pledged myself to- mind, body and soul. The man I want to please in every way.”

“In every way?” The blonde mused as he kissed Josh’s Marked hand.

“I love you, Cullen. I am happy in your arms and happier still when you’re taking me.” Josh lifted himself from the bigger man’s lap and smiled with desire in his eyes as he fumbled with Cullen’s pants and groped at the flesh hidden beneath. Cullen let out a small gasp as Josh pulled out his cock and ran his tongue over the flared tip, sending a jolt of pleasure through him. “But I am happiest when you are happy.

Josh took the initiative as Cullen sat frozen at the mage’s bravado. He slid his hands up and down the length as it hardened within seconds. He enveloped the flesh with his mouth and sucked at the Commander’s cock. Cullen let out a gruff cry as he leaned backward; allowing Josh to moved in closer, taking the whole length in his mouth with a muffled moan that made the Commander swell with pride. He really liked the new brazen side of Josh that he got to experience but he would make the mage beg for it, despite his audacity.

Cullen began to see stars as he grabbed at Josh’s hair and lifted his head from his flesh with a stern look in his eyes.

“Wait.” The Commander cussed as he gave Josh a silent ultimatum and Cullen had to hold back a chuckle when he saw how timid Josh looked as the ex-templar tucked his flesh away and pointed to the food. “We eat first like adults; if you behave I will give you a gift. Afterward, I have something planned for us.”

“Punishment?” Josh’s eyes lit up as he said the word and Cullen growled as he pointed to the food in anger.

“No. If you keep this up, I will punish you, Josh. I will not take you, but I will make you submit to me. I’ll make you squirm all night if required.”

Josh nodded quickly, a docile look in his eyes as Cullen praised him for his willingness to listen. The Commander could not hold back the giggle that passed his lips at the mage’s eagerness to be subservient to him.

It took them awhile, but within half an hour, the food was eaten and the wine was finished, Cullen had just set aside the empty trays and the bucket of melting ice. Josh gave the Commander an eager look as Cullen returned to the bed with a large box wrapped in blue silk, tied with a silver bow.

“Good, you behaved.” The former-templar mused as he stroked Josh’s neck and the young man purred into the hand touching him. “This is my belated birthday gift to you, my love. I hope you enjoy it.”

Josh tore at the box and opened it swiftly; from it he pulled out an arm length heavy harpoon attached to a hook blade by a long chain that Cullen got the idea for from a sketch that Alara showed him from her time in Redcliffe. It was finely crafted from dragon bone and was etched with a verse from the Chant of Light. The harpoon had “ _You have stood with me when all others…_ ” and the hook blade had the other half “ _…have forsaken me_.” Cullen explained that he asked Dagna and Three-Eyes to work on the weapon to suit his lover’s new style of fighting and Three-Eyes came up with the perfect solution.

“The harpoon is used to impale and pull foes to you. The hook is to block, deflect and slash. It’s also to hook onto foes and pull you closer to them. It doubles as a spear if you prefer it that way.” Cullen explained as he flicked a hidden switch and Josh looked at him, speechless and utterly overwhelmed as the chains pulled the hook and harpoon together to form a full length spear. Josh placed the weapon beside the box and put it aside for later. He then roughly claimed Cullen’s lips and shook his head.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Neither do I.” Cullen shrugged as he hugged at Josh’s chest and he smelled roses again. “But here we are now.”

Josh nodded with a smile as he pulled away from the handsome blonde. He sat down on the bed and waited for the Commander to join him but Cullen had other plans.

“Strip for me.”

“S-Strip?” Josh mouthed and his innocence made the former-templar laugh. They were no longer virgins and yet Josh managed to play the part so well without much effort.

“Strip yourself or I will strip you and make you scream my name! All of Skyhold will hear you!” Cullen roared and Josh looked at him with a terrified yet aroused glower that made the ex-templar swell up with hubris and lust. “Anyways, you are due for an inspection. Now, strip.”

The mage slowly rose up to his feet and removed his pants. Cullen watched as tanned flesh was revealed and his eyes moved over to the erection raging behind his underpants. Josh then edged the garment down and kicked aside his clothes. He stood awkwardly as his dick stood to attention under Cullen’s watchful gaze.

The former-templar assessed the mage with a straight face, all the while he took in everything he saw and silently thanked the Maker for making such a gentle, beautiful creature that loved him with all his heart.

Josh was already rock hard and leaking pre as the former-templar teased at his hardness with a larger hand that tapped at the tip. The mage moaned and closed the distance between them but Cullen growled loudly, making the mage buckle and return to where he was.

“Did I say you could move?”

“No…but I…”

“I didn’t say you could speak.” Cullen said nonchalantly as he traced the underside of Josh’s cock and tugged hard, garnering a loud howl of pain from the Knight-Enchanter, who blushed deeply.

Hhaaa!” Josh cried as Cullen increased the pressure he placed on the throbbing organ in his hand and circled behind the mage. Cullen giggled to himself as Josh cried out girlishly as Cullen teased at the mage’s puckered ring with a finger. “C-C-Cullen…”

“Don’t worry…I won’t be taking you tonight- but I will be punishing you. Mages like you need to know who you belong to.” Cullen snarled.

The Commander began to strip off his pants and underwear- Josh offered to help but Cullen gave him a heated glance that made the mage whimper. He could see the mage watching in anticipation as the cloth slid down Cullen’s toned legs. He kicked it aside and walked over to the naked mage, then pushed him against the wall. He heard the Knight-Enchanter let out a stifled cry as Cullen locked him in place with his wiry arms and legs.

He then moved in for a kiss and felt an electric sensation when their cocks slid across each other. He took a sharp intake of breath then kissed the mage’s neck, making sure to mar the healing flesh with his teeth and tongue. Josh moaned into his neck as Cullen bit down to claim ownership of the Inquisitor.

“Mine.”

“Yes. Y-Yours.” Josh muttered in a breathy tone as Cullen pulled him down to the mattress and they settled beside each other, they fingers clasped as their erections touched. Josh started a slow grind but Cullen stopped him as he lifted to his knees. He then asked Josh to sit in his lap and hold onto him tightly.

He obliged and cringed when their dicks touched.

“Time your thrust with mine.” Cullen spoke and the mage nodded as he applied the _Grease_ spell to their cocks. Without fail, Cullen felt their dicks rub over each other as they grinded at a steady pace. It felt like a sword of fire was clashing with his needy flesh. The motion continued until Josh let out a low moan.

“Please…”

“Not yet.” Cullen hissed as he took their lengths in his hand and stroked them in unison with each other, Josh was too mesmerized to touch there. He instead grabbed the Commander’s shoulders and shook his head in ecstasy as their lengths coated each other and the Commander’s hand with pre as he timed his strokes with his movements.

“Aaaah…please please please Cullen, I can’t….keep…” Josh grunted as he came hard and unloaded onto the Commander’s chest. In the same moment, Cullen felt his body go completely rigid from a wave of ice that hit him in the chest. He let out a cry as he came all over the youth’s body and growled as he gave Josh an annoyed look. He wasn’t ready to cum but the frost undid him.

“You…froze me.”

“…Sorry.” Josh apologized as he picked up some towels Cullen set out and clean them both up. He tossed the towels into his laundry pile and smirked at the man of his dreams. “Maker, you are so handsome.”

“Don’t sweet talk me. You froze me solid for moment.”

“I said I’m sorry, Cul.”

Cullen hissed as he brought his hands to Josh’s hips and settled his gaze on the mage’s beautiful eyes as he sat in front of his lover.

“On all fours, Josh. You need to be trained like a hound to obey his master.” Cullen declared with a smile as Josh looked at him with surprise.

“Since Valor, you’ve become quite…virile.” The Knight-Enchanter chuckled as he traced Cullen’s scar and then his tangled hair. “I like this side of you. Like a lion,  _ma vherain_.”

“You’re not listening, are you  _ma fen_? Get on your hands and knees and present your ass to me like a good mage.” The Commander snarled as he gave Josh a hard shove and pulled him down to the floor. He tittered as he heard Josh squeal as Cullen pushed his back down so the mage’s backside was in the air and his upper body pinned to the floor. Cullen reached for some of the grease that remained on his cock and slicked up a few of his fingers as he then prodded at the muscle Josh had at his ass. “You will learn restraint.”

“R-Restraint? AH!” Josh asked in a tone that changed suddenly from pain-laced to pleasure filled as Cullen inserted a finger into the tight heat. The mage clamped down on him and he had to hold in a laugh as he watched Josh’s whole body react to his finger’s insertion. “…Hhhha…C-Cullen….Hah…”

Cullen inserted a second finger and made a scissor motion to stretch out the muscle. Josh cried out as the former templar began to chart his insides with calloused, large fingers that searched for something. The Commander gritted his teeth as he struggled at first to find what he was looking for. In the meantime, Cullen reached around the twitching mage and chuckled loudly as his hand wrapped around Josh’s erect cock, already dripping with pre.

“Maker’s breath! It’s like training a wolf...to behave like a normal dog.” Cullen slurred as he felt Josh’s ass press down against him. He recalled the smutty book he found in his drawer and tried to remember where the area was that made Josh cum too early. He guided his fingers out slightly and nearly burst out laughing as Josh came then and there as his finger simply tapped at the area, his hand and the wood floor coated in thick ropes of seed that slowly dripped down his hand as Cullen retracted his fingers and snarled. “I didn’t say you could cum.”

“Nhha…hhhha….I need p-permission?” Josh murmured lowly as he slumped forward, sandwiching himself on his spunk as Cullen moved to his side and pulled at his hair, making the mage moan out as Cullen traced his face with his beard.

“From today onward, you will cum only when I say so. I am being lenient with you for now but expect no mercy from me the next time you unload without my say so.” Cullen growled as he pulled Josh into a feverish kiss and bit playfully at the mage’s tongue, making Josh moan into his mouth. He ended the kiss as he snuggled against Josh, making sure to push against the mage so that he too was coated in the Inquisitor’s seed. He got a curious yelp from the mage as he took in the smell of man and remained clutched to the mage. “Oh Maker…you are the epitome of beauty.”

“T-Thank you.” Josh flushed.

“Did I hurt you?” Cullen asked as he dropped his commanding tone and stroked at the mage’s back, slowly easing circles all over the hardened ridges and planes of muscle.

“No Cullen. I’m fine. I feel a little waiflike after what you did but all in all…I loved it. Please…never stop being rough with me in bed.”

“Are you quite sure, my love? I fear…” Cullen grinned as he teased at Josh’s ass by giving his cheeks a good slap that made the mage cry out. He then eased a hand over Josh’s ass and teased slightly at the contracting sphincter with the tip of his finger. He leaned over Josh and heard his mage cry out again, only louder than before as he eased the finger inside. “…I might never let you go from this room or my quarters. After all, I don’t intend on sharing you with anyone. Would you like that Inquisitor? Would you like to be bred every night by your Commander?”

“Hgh….Y-Yes!”

Cullen giggled as he added a second finger.

 

\---

 

“LEAVE ME!” Cullen screamed as he woke from his slumber. He felt a caring hand on his chest as the images of Neria and the tower disappeared. Josh gave him a worried look and placed his other hand at Cullen’s heart. “I…It was so real.”

“It“s not real anymore, Cullen. I’m here.” Josh spoke and took Cullen’s hand. He kissed at the wrist and nuzzled against it with his beard. The Commander mouthed a thank you as he lifted himself from the mattress and claimed the mage’s neck but froze when he heard the chantry garden bell.

They dressed quickly into simple slacks and tunics once he heard the bell chime six times. Josephine had decided that they would meet before hand to go over the plans and to prepare their outfits.

The ambassador originally wanted everyone to wear a slick, stylish red outfit embellished with a golden sash and leathers but Josh had none of it. He decided to scrap the whole look and asked each member of the Inner Circle and the advisors to pick out an outfit that suited them personally. Cullen didn’t quite approve of his idea but he knew the Knight-Enchanter had his reasons,

By the time Josephine was done briefing everyone, the outfits arrived and she ushered each member to dress up, not before urging them not to eat anything messy while wearing them, a warning she specifically addressed to Iron Bull and Sera. She led Cullen to his tower and left him with two stylists from Orlais who helped him to trim his beard and to dress up. The women flushed as he stripped down to his smalls but they remained professional as they fitted his pants and socks.

Cullen felt a little worried. He was well aware that he was quite strapping according to many servants at Skyhold. Luckily, his doggedness as a former-templar helped him to hide the worst of the blush that covered his body…but a thought crossed his mind and he worried about his mage…

Josh was innocent and Cullen worried that the mage would feel ashamed of his body. The Commander inwardly chuckled at the notion. How could Josh be ashamed of such a perfect body and especially of a derriere like his? Cullen was no expert on the matter, but he knew that his mage had a great ass.

The Commander heard a small giggle and he looked ahead, both Orlesian stylists grinning ear to ear. The smaller of the two fixed a small strap that came loose on his ceremonial armor spurring Cullen to look down. He was surprised to see that he was already fully dressed, except for his helm which remained on the tailor's dummy. He saw the armor in a catalogue that Josephine brought to his attention a month ago and he loved it the moment he saw the sketches.

When he saw himself in gold, embossed armor and red cloth tied around his waist, he nodded to his reflection in the mirror brought by the tailors. One of them pointed to the helm and urged the Commander to wear it much to his horror. However, when he did so, he saw how well-dressed he looked, his beard peeking out from the lion’s jaws and a valorous mane with golden-red furs along the sides and top. He smiled to himself as he stood in front of the mirror and watched the ladies leave.

He then heard his door open and limbs climbing his ladder a moment later. He then saw a man in a silver cuirass and blue surcoat appear in his bedroom, his wolf mask lined with sharp lines and his surcoat emblazoned with the Trevelyan coat of arms, along with their motto. The mage’s armor was lined with the same sharp, jagged lines the mask had, mimicking the fur of a real wolf. He saw the Inquisitor smile and blush brightly from under the mask he wore.

“Y-You look…wow.” Josh managed to say as he approached and lifted his mask off his face. Cullen saw that his beard was shaved and all that was left was a moustache and goatee. His hair was trimmed short, styled backward and spiked slightly. His dapper look made the Commander beam and he found himself aching to kiss his neck.

He let out a chuckle when he saw the mage’s neck covered with his blue scarf as Cullen moved his fingers to it and pushed down. He saw the pinkish skin and grinned as Josh stammered while looking away bashfully. “I…If you kiss me there, I might not make it to the ball. Let’s behave and I promise you will have your way with me- Maker…I can’t believe how brazen I am now that we’ve...”

“I bet you’re aching for me right now.”

“You know me too well.” Josh said as Cullen pulled off his helm and came impossibly close to the Knight-Enchanter. He breathed on his neck and gave Josh a lustful stare as the mage commented on his attire. “You have fine taste,  _ma vhenan._ ”

Cullen blushed and mouthed a low thanks. He pulled away and kept his helm under his arm as he led Josh down the tower and outside.  He extended his hand to the Inquisitor and Josh happily took it as he put his mask back on and walked with his lion to the main hall.

A round of applause echoed as Cullen looked about with the bewildered mage who looked quite confused. He saw two elven women standing near the throne, decked out in their attires of choice, and the hall amassed with every soul at Skyhold sans the Inner Circle, clapping feverishly as Cullen bowed his head slightly and moved with his love to the ladies.

“You look wonderful brother!” The red hair gave Alara away and Cullen was immediately drawn to the green dress she wore. It was textured like the leaves of a tree and flared out into a pale pink as his gaze moved lower and saw the flower pattern. Her shoes were adorned with a lily each and her face was shrouded by a pinkish white mask in the shape of a halla. She caught onto Cullen’s stare and chuckled when he blushed. “Commander, as dapper as always.”

“You as well- I mean beautiful n-not dapper.”

“Does he blush like this in bed?” Neria asked with a grin as she took Josh’s hand and placed a scroll in it. The mage blushed as he nodded, making the Commander’s flush grow darker. He looked at the healer and saw that her dress matched Alara’s, but it was a tree instead. The dress green and brown and her halla mask a shade of light brown. He remembered how the healer loved earthen colors in Kinloch Hold. He was glad to see that she still loved it.

“ _Ahem_. We will be leaving shortly for the Winter Palace. But in the meanwhile, I am leaving this on my throne. It is a list of people participating in our Inquisition paired combat tourney. Now people- don’t be shy. Enter and if you’re skilled enough, we will reward you with a date with any member of the Inquisition.” One of the crowd members interrupted Josh and ran over to him with a near-silent question. He listened and as soon as Felissa ran back to the crowd, he grinned. “Yes, even Cullen and I.”

The Commander gave Josh a heated look and the mage shrugged as he placed the list on his throne. He signed it with his name and Cullen’s as a team and then he left the list to the mercy of the people as Cullen pulled him outside to the stairs.

“Really? A date with  _any_  Inquisition member?” Cullen cursed as he glared at Josh.

“People happen like us, Cul.” The mage hummed as they descended the stairs and made their way to the smithy to check on Cassandra. “I don’t mind spending my day with a girl who’s smitten with me so long as you’re there. She’d have my attention for the day, but you’d have me in bed. You own my heart Cullen.”

“Fine. But I will be punishing you for this too.”

“Two punishments?” Josh asked with a lustful look as he kissed Cullen’s cheek. “I can’t wait.”

“Hold on to that enthusiasm for when I have you on your knees crying my name as I…”

Cassandra’s voice came from the smithy, muffled but made both men cringe and blush at the same time.

“I can hear you. If you both don’t shut up, I will put you both over  _my_ _knee_ and you’ll cry all the way to Orlais from the beating I’ll give you. Now help me, this dress is horrible! The tailors have made it too tight!”

 

\---

 

Cullen hated it at the Ball. He absolutely hated it. He made it a point to keep his distance from the crowds of nobles but they bee-lined for him the moment they saw him and flocked to his side, asking all sorts of invasive questions.

The female nobles often flirted with him and would find some excuse to touch his armor or his arms in some feeble attempt to court him. The others would leer from a distance and flush whenever his gaze turned to them. The ones that really riled him up were the ones tried their luck and slapped his ass.

It got worse once Josh disappeared into the Servant’s Quarters to follow a lead; the mage often walked by and got their attention away from the Commander to give him a brief respite from the constant scrutiny and flirting. Not to mention the fact that it gave him a chance to admire the Inquisitor’s choice of attire and how nicely the surcoat clung to his shapely bottom. He’d shake his head as he dismissed the thought. He needed to focus for the moment and thinking about his mage was not helping matters.

At some point, men began to flirt with the Commander as well and he cussed inwardly as they mused, aloud and quite blatantly over how handsome he was standing with his helm under his arm and how he’d look without his armor on. Cullen wanted to plant his fist into their faces as the only person who needed to know how he looked in any state of undress was his Inquisitor.

“Ah! Lady Mai Balsitch of Korse, a pleasure!” A noblewoman bowed as a thin lady dressed in a red and plaiteweave dress he recognized turned her attention to the Commander with a straight face. Sera wore a large mask with a hat that enveloped her head, covering her ears thus making the nobles think she was a thin human noble from a western city called Korse. “We have heard so much of-“

“Whatever. Came to chat with Lionheart here, not interested in you’s.” Sera cussed as she grabbed Cullen’s hand and pulled him to the balcony to rest for a while- The nobles naturally gasped in dismay at her impolite behavior. 

“Maker’s breath, I thought they would never stop, thank you Mai- uh…I mean Sera.”

“No problem, Cullen-Wullen. So long as you keep him happy, you’re my friend.” Sera smiled as she nudged at his shoulder and giggled. “So? Talk to me! Inquizzy’s tight lipped ‘bout it.”

“…I uh.”

“Come on, spill!” The elf jeered but soon winched as she shook her head frantically. “Ugh- that’s just wrong. Please tell me yeah…I helped you, I wanna know if my pish helped. Josh-Posh seems happy. “

“I-I took him.”

“Really? And Wolfy liked it?”

Cullen nodded

“He more than liked it…” The Commander blushed and the giddy elf giggled uncontrollably as she smiled ear to ear.

“So proud of you, Curly-Wurly! You deserve each other!” She slapped his back and earned a grin from the Commander.

“I actually need a favor from you. I need a distraction for the nobles.”

“Oh? Sounds like fun, yeah! Neria’s here so they’d love to chew on her brains for a while and my friends could cause some trouble. Why you need ‘em distracted?” Sera asked with a look of confusion Cullen’s way. The former-templar felt his cheeks flush intensify as she cocked her head knowingly and broke into a giggle fit. “…Nah man-…Cullen-Wullen…you horndog you…”

“Can you manage it before someone comes looking for us?” Cullen rasped. The elf nodded eagerly and nudged her head slightly. He looked over her shoulder and saw Josh and a few nobles standing at the archway looking at them.

“Thank you for your help, Lady Balsitch of Korse. I am in your debt.” Cullen then pointed to the archway with a small smile as Sera looked in its direction with her Wicked Grace face on as she moved over to the mage.

“Come on people. We can trouble them later, they have some Inquisition stuff to bore each other with. Come come! Fun times this way!” She giggled as she led the group of ogling men and women away. Josh let out a defeated snarl.

“I forgot how persistent some women could be at soirees.  _My lord, you are so lovely to look at, care to dance with me as we chat about nature and how your eyes remind me of my jaunt to the Dales?_  If you think that’s bad, listen to this one:  _May I hold onto your chest? It is hot and I fear I might faint if I don’t hold onto you for support_.”

Cullen smirked as the mage imitated a woman’s voice and Cullen drew him closer to the palisade. They leaned forward and Cullen took in the cool air as he looked at his mage.

”At least they asked you. Someone grabbed my bottom.”

Josh gave him a look of horror but suddenly burst out laughing as he held his chest in sweet agony as he giggled to himself. The Commander shot him a glower and the mage quieted down. 

“I am sorry but that is hilarious!” Josh shrugged but Cullen snarled.

“It isn’t funny. I am yours.  _Yours_. I am pledged to you. No one has any right to grope me but you. I should punish you here and now…for laughing at me.”

Cullen then pulled Josh into a deep kiss and he heard the mage gasp, muffled by the mouth that kissed vigorously at the mage, he heard the mage yelp as the Commander began to pull at the buckles that kept the mage’s breeches up. The Inquisitor let out a yelp as his breeches and smalls pooled at his greaves and the former templar spun him around so that the mage was pinned against the railing.

“Hha!” The mage cried as Cullen pressed his armored, cold chest to Josh’s clothed back; he undid his own pants and reached for a well hidden vial of scented oil that he used to coat his already hard cock. Cullen let out a low rumble as he settled the tip against Josh and he tittered when he heard the mage breath erratically. “Oh…S-Someone might s-s-see us…C-Cullen…”

“I want you! Maker…I want to take you now!”

“I w-won’t deny you, _vhenan_ …but p-please…I don’t want to get caught with m-my pants down…”

“I’ll be quick.” The former templar rasped as he settled his hands on the mage’s hips. He thrust forward and let out a semi-loud roar as his tip was engulfed in the feeling of Josh’s ass wringing him eagerly as he slowly eased more of himself inside.

“Nhh…” Josh moaned as Cullen sheathed himself inside completely. He felt the mage shiver slightly against the cold air and he saw that Josh held tightly to the railing, in some pain but he could hear the pleasure in the mage’s pants and groans. He nodded to the Commander mounting him and Cullen grinned as he began to pull out completely, only to slam back inside. The mage gasped loudly at the sudden movement but luckily no one heard as the Commander looked to make sure that no one was spying on them. “Ah…fuck…C-Cullen…”

“Who do you belong to?” Cullen growled as he pulled out. Josh was about answer but Cullen slammed inside him and giggled as he heard the mage struggle to articulate himself.

“Hhh! Hghhhh…Y-You! You…Cullen…Aah!”

The Commander smirked as he quickened his pace, fucking the mage’s ass but also making sure to reach around the mage and stroked at the mage’s own throbbing flesh and the dangling set of balls that bounced with each thrust below the former-templar’s own. The mage cried out as Cullen hit his sweet spot a few times. He moved his other hand to Josh’s balls in that moment. Cullen then felt the spunk move from the mage’s balls to his hardness, a motion that intrigued the Commander as he squeezed hard at the rod of flesh and balls, denying the Inquisitor his orgasm and the mage let out a frustrated howl as he looked at the former templar with desperation in his eyes.

“P-Please…”

“I didn’t say you could cum yet.” Cullen rasped against the mage’s ear and bit down at the spot he loved to mar with his teeth. The mage groaned in pleasure as Cullen continued to fuck him hard as he kept the mage from coming.

“Ngh!” Josh groaned as Cullen’s orgasm neared.

“Now…you may cum.” Cullen gritted his teeth as he felt his body quake when Josh’s inside’s pressed against him and he let go of the mage’s throbbing need in a moment of pity, allowing him to cum vigorously. Hopefully no one would notice the mess Josh made on the roofs on the lower terrace. He suppressed the cry of elation that escaped Josh’s lips by cupping his mouth. He bit down on Josh’s neck as he came hard, the mage’s teeth bit down onto his fingers but it was a delightful pain as Cullen began to slow his thrust and eventually pull out. He giggled when the mage sagged against the railing with a sigh as the Commander tucked his hardness away and straightened his armor and buckles but the mage looked at his bitten hand at concern.

“Oh…Cullen…I’m sorry for biting your fingers.”

“I quite liked it, my love.”

Cullen smiled as he pulled Josh towards him and he saw the mage nod to him. He was about to pull Josh’s breeches up but he gasped when he realized that Josh wasn’t finished expelling his seed.

“What does that feel like?” Cullen asked, inwardly admitting that his curiosity got the better of him as he watched his seed trickle down painfully slow from his mage’s ass and dripping as it moved along his thighs. Cullen reached for a handkerchief but Josh shook his head as he allowed Cullen to wipe away the mess, but not all of it as more began to flow out within a few seconds..

“Really warm, wet and icky but I don’t mind because I am yours, Cullen. It takes a while. I’ll be fine after a few minutes.”

“Won’t people notice?”

“They might, but that’s the fun part, isn’t it?” Josh smiled and former-templar nodded as Josh pulled his smalls and breeches up. “The Commander and the Inquisitor…truth be told I don’t give a damn what they think. I love you, Cullen. I’d let you take me anywhere. It’s just these damn nobles…”

“I love you too, Trevelyan, but I just wish that those damn nobles would leave us alone. I don’t want their pomp and idiocy. I want you!”

“You have me.” Josh nodded to him with a small nod. “I will never be anyone else’s but yours Cullen.”

“I know…It really angers me when they just touch what is not theirs.” Cullen spoke as he helped Josh to buckle his pants. He saw Josh grin ear to ear as the mage pulled out an elven locket from his surcoat’s pocket once he looked presentable. “For me?”

“I wish _ma vhenan_. Found this in a safe in the Grand Apartments. Alara’s gone to find out more about the assassin. I’m pretty sure it’s Florianne. Too nice- too open during our dance. The Game is all about half-truths and lies. She smells of lies.” Josh twirled the locket around his fingers and pocketed it. “I’m off to see Briala then the Empress. With luck, I could use this bauble to reconcile them. Vivienne is convinced that it belongs to Briala and that Celine isn’t over the ambassador. I’ll have to hurry…our antics have used up a considerable amount of time and-”

“What about Gaspard?”

“What about him?” Josh rasped as he gave Cullen a worried look.

Cullen explained his stance on the whole situation again and Josh shook his head in disagreement.

“Cul- This is a battle of another kind, where the swords are made from words and petty lies. I trust you on the battlefield with my life but this is something best left to Alara, Leliana, Josephine and me. The Grand Duchess will rue the day she underestimated my sister. Keep your eyes open for anything that seems out of the ordinary but other than that…please don’t make any scenes. These fools could hang us for the most silliest of slights. I can see that they’re raring to take you home with them so…be patient.”

The Commander nodded doubtfully but grabbed Josh’s hand before he could leave; he gritted his teeth and gave the Knight-Enchanter a heated glare.

“I am looking forward to punishing you again,  _ma fen._ ”

“I, for one, am looking forward to you punishing me again, Commander.” Josh said as he managed a quick kiss before leaving Cullen to his own devices.

The Commander trudged back into the ballroom and let out a silent curse as he saw the witch Morrigan, out of all people, approach in a lovely dress that accentuated her pale skin and raven hair.

“Ah, Commander Cullen. ‘Tis wondrous to see you here.” She said with a slight smile as she circled and intercepted him before he could dodge her. “I have heard much about you and the Inquisitor.”

“Oh really?” Cullen feign interest as she guided him to a railing overlooking the dance floor and cringed when he saw Sera dancing with one of the male courtiers with a wicked look on her face as she artfully picked his pockets without anyone but Cullen noticing. “Pray tell, witch. What have you heard?”

“Subtlety was never your strong point.” The Witch of the Wilds mused as she gave him a grave look. “I have heard that you and the Inquisitor are together as lovers.”

“We are friends, dear Morrigan.” Cullen answered and he remembered Josephine’s lecture on the relationship he had with the Inquisitor. He had to play it down and make it seem like Josh was open to a relationship. It would help to forge ties with nobles who were sweet on the youth…or himself. Cullen however wasn’t happy with hiding his feelings to the world. But he managed fine so far. “Nothing more.”

“Oh? I heard that you ravished him on these very terraces. It was quite…what was the word- oh yes…eye-opening.”

“What?” Cullen cringed and blushed in the same breath. Morrigan let out a hag-like cackle as she bowed to him slightly.

“Do not be alarmed, Ser Rutherford. I gain nothing by holding such knowledge over your head. I am rather pleased you are happy. Kinloch Hold…’Twas a trying time for you.”

“It was. Excuse me for my forwardness but what are you doing here? This was the last place I expected to see you again.” Cullen asked with a curious look but Morrigan waved him off as she hastily walked away.

“’Twas the idea…but we will speak another time, Commander. You have admirers. Do not disappoint them.”

The Commander cringed when he saw the gaggle of men and women moving towards him, asking an array of questions and groping his armor as they pulled him over to the table he was standing at before Sera took him to rest.

“Commander, has anyone told you what lovely eyes you have?”

“Several times actually.” Cullen cursed inwardly and mock-smiled at the man- A female courtier took the opportunity to wrap her thin arm around his arm and let out a gasp. The other members of the group moved closer as she did so and Cullen lost sight of the ball as he got boxed into the corner he was in.

“What strong arms you have!” The noblewoman purred as she stroked her hands along his forearm and smiled under her mask and frilly cap. “I bet you must have the women of Skyhold lining up to court you.”

“Not really, no.”

“Would you like to dance Commander?”

“No thank you.”

“Such pretty hair! Do you style it often?”

“Not always.”

“So handsome! Are all Fereldans so rugged and easy on the eyes?”

“I wouldn’t know, I’m afraid.”

“Cullen, would you like to dance with me?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Josh looked disheartened as Cullen realized what he told the mage. He was so tired of the bullshit of the ball that he didn’t even notice the Knight-Enchanter push through the crowd to stand in front of the Commander.

“I am sorry. I didn’t- I would love to.” Cullen shot him a grin as he leaned in close to whisper into the mage’s ear. His response made Josh snigger. “After we save the Empress and shake off these fruit flies…Gladly.”

“I didn’t realize you were so close to the Commander.” The courtier holding his arm snarled as she glared at the youth but Josh merely grinned as he took her hand and kissed it, making her and the rest of the crowd swoon as they began to latch onto him. Cullen found it hard to believe that the very same man who submitted to him a few moments ago was the same man who managed to command the attention of all the nobles that fretted over the Commander.

“We are the best of friends, Cullen and I. There are no secrets between us. But enough about him, I would know of you my lady.” Josh winked to the Commander as he led the group away and Cullen finally got a moment’s rest.

The Commander took the moment to scan the area and watched as Cassandra made her way across the room towards Leliana, who stood beside a group of nobles. The Seeker whispered something in her ear to which the spymaster nodded. She then moved over to Josephine and did the same. The ambassador nodded too. She then came over to Cullen and shot him a grin.

“We are ready to face the assassin. All our soldiers are ready to strike when necessary as Neria and Sera’s shenanigans have given us more time to prepare. Madame de Fer assures me that Joshua has won the hearts of the Council of Heralds. He is the Belle of the Ball it would seem.” Cassandra said as she nodded to herself but then pointed to her dress with an exasperated look. “We wait on Alara and yet I am dying to get this dress off. I didn’t know velvet could be so sweaty!”

“Hehe- At least you didn’t get your bottom groped.” Cullen mused with a laugh. Cassandra gave him a wide eyed look.

“What?”

“Several nobles took a liking to me. They…”

“No. I don’t want to hear it.” Cassandra blushed as she stood beside the Commander and smiled as Alara, Solas, Cole and Bull appeared from the Royal Wing, the elf’s hair slightly messed up from fighting but she was still presentable. She nodded to Josh as Cullen rushed over to her and the Inquisitor when he saw Florianne strolling towards the Empress with her brother Gaspard at her side.

“What is the plan, Alara?” Cullen asked as he looked at the elf expectantly. Josh gave the former-templar a cool, collected look as he nodded briefly to his sister.

“Cullen, tell your men to stand down and to be ready to arrest her when the time comes”

“What?! Are you sure?”

“We have this Ser Rutherford, don’t worry.” Alara winked at the former-templar as she bee-lined towards the dance floor and entered it as the entire court gasped as she addressed the Grand Duchess. Cullen moved quickly to tell Rylen and the others to hold for the moment. He then watched in anticipation as Josh circled the room and waited.

“I believe we owe this court one final dance, wouldn’t you agree, Grand Duchess?”

“Oh of course! Who would not be delighted to dance with the Inquisitor’s beloved sister?” Florianne retorted with a shy grin that made her brother and Briala look at her questioningly. The Empress clasped her fingers and waited but Josh entered the fray. Cullen saw Solas standing on the opposite end with a wide smile.

“An assassin- or a lackey of the Elder One? Who is to say?” The Inquisitor said as he stood beside Alara with a smug look. “The one thing I love about my sister is her innocence. No one expects her. Just like you. You see, my sister is a skilled dancer. It is not about appearances. If you know the steps, you could do it in your sleep.”

“Let us dance then.” Florianne extended her arm but Alara gave her a haughty glare.

“Oh my, you are far too slow to catch on my dear. The dance was over long ago. You weaved your web and you got tangled instead. Do you not remember saying:  _All I have to do is keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike?_  Well then, let me remind you.”

Alara pulled out a blackish crystal that Cullen recognized and held it out with a smile as she touched it. It was similar to the one Leliana snuck into Calpernia’s camp, only this listening crystal was fully functional thanks to Dagna reverse engineering it and improving its quality.

“This is a fine tale you have dreamt up but-“

“ _All I have to do his keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike. Bring me her marked hand and then- when Orlais is in chaos, we will take her brother’s hand too_ ,  _for the Elder One!_ ” The entire court gasped in horror as they watched the encounter in the courtyard unfold before of their eyes. Cullen smiled inwardly as he realized that Alara was a master of the Grand Game. She played the innocent card to misdirect her foes. He wondered how many other cards she had up her sleeve as she pocketed the crystal with a satisfied look.

“That is not me! Gaspard! I would never betray you! Gaspard!” She cried as her brother turned away from her in disgust. Cullen’s soldiers approached and apprehended the assassin without effort. Cullen shot Josh a small grin as then nodded to Rylen in thanks.

“The Inquisitor will decide the truth of such matters, cousin.” Empress Celine cussed as she asked Gaspard and Briala to join her on the balcony. The Inquisitor nodded.

“Indeed.” Josh said as he turned to his sister. “But you are the wounded party, sister. What would you have me do with this poor, flightless bird?”

Alara shot him a bold look as she moved over to Florianne and lifted her chin, she then smiled as she let go of the pale flesh and moved back to her brother with a content look.

“Cage her. We will have an exquisite soiree awaiting her at Skyhold.”

 

\---

 

The arcane advisor explained the situation after Josh managed to get Briala and Celine to reconcile and usher in a new era for humans and elves in Orlais. Celine had instructed her to join the Inquisition.

“Welcome to the Inquisition Lady Morrigan. I am honored to have you at our side.”

“Thank you for your hospitality; ‘tis most kind of you, Inquisitor.” Morrigan blushed as she brushed a stray lock of hair from her eyes and grinned. “What comes next will be most interesting.”

“It will indeed.”

“Ah, Josh! There you are!” Cullen rasped as he reached the balcony and put on a smile. “Lady Morrigan.”

The witch gave him a knowing look as she bowed to the Inquisitor and left them alone, guiding a few curious nobles away so the Commander and his Inquisitor could have a moment alone. Josh leaned on the railing with an exhausted look and smiled sadly as Cullen stood beside him.

“And now we have Orlais in our pocket. Life is good isn’t it?”

“It is.” Cullen grinned as he bowed to the mage and extended his hand. “Would you care to dance with me,  _emma lath?_  I know you are tired but…”

Cullen didn’t even finish his sentence, the Knight-Enchanter clasped his hand into the Commander’s and stood ready to dance, his initial lethargy gone and replaced by an eager beam.

“I…uh.” Cullen stammered as he looked away from the mage who chuckled at the cute look of embarrassment on the Commander’s face. “I’m not a good dancer, I’ll admit- but I will try for you.”

“Follow my movements, love. I can dance in my sleep from all the lessons I had- The one good thing Moth did for me.” Josh winked and did his best to guide the Commander along despite the pain that occasionally surged his bottom as they danced about the balcony. “I have a song for you…I will sing the happy bits, parts of it are sad.”

“Sad?”

“Very. But never mind the sadness; I would serenade you with the happy bits, if you would allow me the opportuni-“

“Please do. Your voice is...like honey.” Cullen nodded feverishly as the mage stared into his amber eyes and flushed as he began to sing a song that Josh knew from a time when he had no one but Hope in his life. Without the sound of music from a lute made it sound all the more personal as it echoed out into the distance. Luckily most of everyone was too busy celebrating to notice the Inquisitor wooing his Commander.

 

_Here we are_

_Riding the sky_

_Painting the night with sun_

_You and I, mirrors of light_

_Twin flames of fire_

_Lit in another time and space_

_I knew you name_

_I knew your face_

_Your love and grace_

_Past and present now embrace_

_Worlds collide in inner space_

_Unstoppable, the song we play_

 

They continued dancing as Josh caught his breath; Cullen took the opportunity to plant a kiss on Josh’s cheek. It made the mage blush as he continued the song, his head on the ex-templar’s shoulder as they slowed their dance to a crawl.

 

_Age to age_

_I feel the call_

_Memory of future dreams_

_You and I, riding the sky_

_Keeping the fire bright_

_From another time and place_

_I know your name_

_I know your face_

_Your touch and grace_

_All of time cannot erase_

_What our hearts remember stays_

_Forever on a song we play_

 

“Who did you learn that song from?”

“Hope. She sang it to me to help me sleep- I have no idea where she learned it from. She was quite adamant not to reveal her source but it was a small comfort back then. Now I understand the words. I feel them.” Josh said as he drew his head away from the warm shoulder and stared into eyes he fell in love with from the moment he saw them at the war table in Haven.

“Did you love her?”

“In a way- She took care of me. She gave me hope to live on and be…me.”

“I am glad, Josh. I love who you are.”

“Thank you for loving me.”

“I should be thanking you.” Cullen stammered as he kissed at Josh’s cheek and grinned. “I…am a better man now. Without you, I would have succumbed to Lyrium withdrawal. Without you, I’d be a lonely fool. You have given me so much, Sulahn, Alara, Solas, even Sera. They are our family.  _Ma serannas ma fen_.” 

Josh simply held onto the templar as they danced slowly, enjoying the primal feeling of holding onto each other.

“Come what may, we have each other.”

“Indeed.” Cullen smiled as he stopped the dance and kissed at the mage’s neck whilst pulling down the scarf protecting the tender skin. Josh let out a moan that made the former-templar smirk as he placed his hands on Josh’s hips and licked at the healing flesh.

“I love you.” Cullen purred.

“I-I Hhha….I-I love you, too  _m-ma vherain_.”

 

\---

 

Cullen was greeted by his daughter when he returned from the Winter Palace, but what made his day was seeing how Sulahn ran into Josh’s arms when she caught sight of him. She hugged at his outfit and grinned when he placed a loving kiss on her brow.

The Commander debriefed his soldiers and sent out Scout Jim to discreetly move the sacks of letters that streamed daily in to his tower.  He took a brief break in the gardens after hearing from the Spymaster that Josh was learning Chasind magicks from the Witch of the Wilds. He saw a boy with Morrigan that spent a lot of time with his Sulahn and Neria, playing chess and other games in the garden.

The former-templar was awestricken when Leliana told him that the little boy named Kieran that played with his daughter was none other than the witch’s son. Morrigan happened to walk by with  _The Pursuit of Knowledge_  under her arm when he caught sight of the smile she had when Kieran offered to play chess and helped Sulahn to prepare the board. She settled down under a large tree and began to read, until Cullen decided to confront her about his fears for Josh. The witch seemed quite irritated by his presence as the serene look on her face disappeared and was replaced by a snarl the moment she saw him.

“What, pray tell, do you want Ser Rutherford?”

“Leliana has told me that you have decided to help Josh learn to shapeshift.” Cullen muttered as he continued standing awkwardly. He could tell that Morrigan found it annoying and decided to invite him to sit with her on a vacant bench.

“Are you going to have a problem with me, Commander? I know many secrets when it comes to the arcane and I am willing to share but only to those I deem worthy. The Inquisitor is most definitely worthy.”

“No- I…” Cullen let out a frustrated sigh as he looked at the witch with a nervous glance. “I am afraid to lose him Morrigan. Be careful with him.”

The witch let out a snarl and pointed a bony finger his way as she set her book aside in anger.

“Commander, I have met my fair share of fools but Josh is no fool- he is one of a kind. For him to shapeshift without my mother’s training says much. All I want to do is help him and maybe…he will help me in return.”

“H-He is not interested in you, witch!”

Morrigan glared at him and pointed to her son in a look of irritation as the boy played happily with Sulahn. Cullen’s anger died down when he saw how happy his daughter was as she played with the strange boy.

“Not everything is about sex, foolish templar. That boy is my life and I have no need for romance. Your man is safe from my venomous clutches.” Morrigan hissed as she opened her book again and Cullen could see that she was trying willed herself to ignore him but he remained seated with a small grin. He could not believe how different the woman was compared to conceited witch he remembered from Kinloch Hold.

“That is my daughter.”

“Good thing that she takes after Josh and not you, foolish man.” The witch threw the book aside and glowered at the former-templar. “’Tis not your choice, but his own. I will teach him what I know. You should stop being such a fool. Josh is strong enough to learn whatever forbidden knowledge he wants to.”

“Will you be teaching him blood magic?”

“I know not, perhaps I might- perhaps not.”

“Don’t play coy, witch.”

“I do not know what arrangements you two have in the bedroom but this is real life. Oh yes, I saw what you did on the terrace. Your elven friend was quite good at misdirecting the nobles but not me. Truth be told, ‘twas a pleasant surprise. I first thought you were hurting him until you finished and I saw the love in his eyes, hence my silence on the matter. Let me be absolutely clear you foolish brute: You do not own him. He can do as he pleases. If it pleases him to learn my mother’s craft from me, then let him be pleased.” The witch cussed as she pointed to the main hall with fiery eyes. Morrigan’s revelation made Cullen flush deeply with color. “Now leave me, fool. I have much to do today and I’d like to enjoy my free time- without getting harassed by a foolish templar!”

Cullen cussed as he got up and returned to his duties. Most of the day went by smoothly after Florianne’s judgment; as a jester to the Skyhold court no less with flat shoes. That was until Josh came into his office with blazing eyes and a grimace on his handsome face.

“What the hell, Cul?!”

“What-”

“She is my friend and you think that she wants me. Really?! What is wrong with you?!” Josh cried as he slammed his fist down onto the desk and Cullen silently thanked the Maker that he found the slip of paper Sera slid underneath it so it didn’t wobble anymore. “What’s gotten into you?!”

Cullen let out scowl as he reached under his desk and pulled out a sack filled with letters addressed to the Inquisitor; all of them proposals. Josh flushed deeply as he opened some of them and read the contents.

“Oh my…”

“That is not the worst part.” Cullen then reached for another bag, bigger than the last and he emptied it out onto the desk, now over flowing with proposals. This one however held letters addressed to the Commander. Josh let out a chuckle as he saw how flushed Cullen was over how many nobles wanted him.

“I don’t see what the problem is.”

“I’m afraid to lose you.” The former-templar rasped as he took Josh’s Marked hand and kissed at his palm. “I am so afraid.”

“Don’t be.” Josh said as he enveloped the Commander in a tight embrace. “I am yours. Yours. No noble, no witch- no darkspawn abomination will be taking me away.”

“It’s not only that- I fear the magic you wield. I don’t want you to…”

“You can sheathe your blade and throw it aside. I can’t. Once I was Tranquil and for the moment I was, the world was bleak and grey. I never want to see the world like that again. In fact…I want no one to feel as dead as I did. Do not ask me to dumb down my power. It is who I am. Accept me for who I am: a maleficar who has been a friend with several spirits or we are done.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am  _ma vhenan_.” Josh said as he gave Cullen an icy glare. “I can’t believe it, Cullen. After everything we’ve been through…after everything we know of each other…you still do not trust me. Am I the same to you as those blood mages who fucked with your head?”

“No! I do trust you but I-“

“I should have left when Leliana offered me the chance to before I met you.”

“Why?” Cullen asked with a small cringe.

“The moment I set my eyes on you, I knew I fell for you hard.” Josh rasped as he took Cullen’s hand and smiled weakly.  He stroked the calloused flesh and Cullen relished in the feeling as he grinned. “I saw you and I froze. It was like I saw a lion- I was so afraid and in love…it was so hard to be around you.”

“And then you started the stammering.” Cullen chuckled and Josh looked at him with a smile.

“You offered me a drink at the tavern and we hung out…until I told you how I felt.”

“Yes.” Cullen smiled as he recalled how shy Josh was back then.

They would talk on many occasions about anything that came to mind but Josh would always be looking off in the distance. He’d never look Cullen in the eye but in the moments when he did, he would flush red like a tomato. At first, Cullen thought Josh was just shy until Josh told him how he felt.

“What made you change your mind about being with me?”

“When you left, I felt ill; like something- someone was missing in my life.” Cullen threw the proposals aside and sat on the desk, the floor littered with letters that he would soon be tossing into the fireplace. He then asked Josh to sit on his lap. The mage didn’t need much coercing to do so as he moved with a small grin and settled above Cullen. The Commander hugged at his smaller frame and kissed his neck. “You weren’t there. That was when I knew that I loved you. I am still fearful though, of your magic.”

“Cullen. Magic is a part of me. You need to accept that I will always be learning something new. If you can’t…”

“I accept it.” Cullen nodded as he ran a digit over Josh’s hairline and smiled when the mage’s initial scowl disappeared. “I…just- Be careful my love.”

“Always.”

“Good. You’ve been a bad mage and you need to be disciplined-”

“No Cullen. Not today. I’d like some space please.” Josh cussed as he got off the Commander and gave him a sad look. “I think we need some time apart. Absence makes the heart fonder and all that.”

“Listen to me-“ Cullen resumed using the tone he used on his soldiers but the mage glowered and the Commander felt his throat go dry at the sheer anger in Josh’s eyes.

“I won’t. This isn’t our bed Cullen. This is your office.”

“I-…y-you are right. I am so sorry Josh-” Cullen started but the mage covered his lips with a single finger. Josh’s eyes was filled with remorse as he framed Cullen’s face with his fingers and brushed the Commander’s face with a sorrowful, resolute kiss that made Cullen quiver beneath him.

“ _Tel’abelas, ma nas’falon_.  _El lath nadas suledin, emma vherain_.”

 

\---

 

“I will…be leaving soon.”

Cullen looked at Neria in confusion as she stumbled into his office and gave him a sad look. He offered her a seat and watched as she sighed to herself with a downcast stare.

“I have left my research for too long now. I leave next month with Anders for parts unknown and we might never return.”

“Does Leliana know?” Cullen asked with a worried look as he paced around the desk and placed a hand on her thin shoulder. She nodded sadly as she pulled her cloak close to her skin. “And the Inquisitor?”

“Not yet. He is set to return from Emprise du Lion within a week so I asked Leliana to send a raven.”

“Are you…”

“I knew this time would come. I was stalling by remaining but I knew one day I’d have to leave. I don’t hear it anymore since Adamant but I am so frightened that I will soon. And Leli- Oh Leli. She doesn’t need to lose any more people in her life.” Neria bawled as she wiped at her tears with her cloak. She winched when Cullen hugged at her tiny frame and he felt she leaned into his warmth.

“Josh will miss you. As will I.” He stammered as he pulled away and gave her a lopsided grin.

“Grant me two answers before I leave.” Cullen looked at her gravely but the grin returned as he nodded. “What made you fall in love with me?”

“You…are beautiful and kind- skilled and disciplined.”

“What made you fall in love with Josh?”

“He…is like you.”

Neria nodded with a smirk.

“Cullen. Josh is kind and handsome- skilled and disciplined as you say but he is different from me in regard to two things- He loves you more than anything in this world and he has an honest, frail heart.”

The Commander nodded as he took her hand and marveled at how small she was compared to him. She gave him a smile as he traced her face with his eyes.

“Ask. I know you’re itching to.”

Cullen blushed as she spoke and she let out a giggle as he looked away then at her blue-green eyes.

“Can Josh get corrupted by blood magic?”

“Any mage can get corrupted, Commander.” Neria sneered as she gave him a stern look. “Your elvhen friend has the right idea of how it works: the Fade is an ocean and mages are beacons in the distance. Josh is the brightest so demons see him first then the rest of us.”

She then gave him a grin as she looked at him with determination, the very same look of determination that Cullen remembered she had as she disregarded his madness and ascended to the Harrowing Chamber to deal with Uldred.

“If demons see Josh first, that means he has to deal with them first. Resist them, get help to stop them. Now this brings up two important points. Firstly, he has befriended spirits, something I have managed with a single spirit of Compassion and no more. It is a lovely feeling when a spirit holds your hand and doesn’t possess you; it is like holding the hand of a dear friend who loves you with every fiber of their being. For Josh to be able to befriend them so easily…it is mind-blowing.”

The healer then cupped Cullen’s jaw and winched when she touched his stubble. He laughed as she continued on with a small frown.

“Secondly, if he has survived for so long as a Dreamer, he is utterly resilient. You doubt him too much Commander. He is stronger than any of us. Have faith in him. He will surprise you.” Neria affirmed but Cullen then asked her of Josh’s overuse of blood magic.

“Blood magic isn’t evil Commander. It has been used for such but it is not evil. Do you know Josh wishes to redeem it? He has asked Belle and Merrill to form a Circle with him to teach responsible blood magic to those who wish to learn it or to those who know it but misuse it. It is a noble cause. Cassandra was skeptical at first, but she warmed up to the idea when Josh told her that Ser Barris and his men would oversee it. Do you see Cullen? Josh wishes to show people that mages are people- that we can use the tools of so-called evil to help salve the pains of others.”

“You humble me Neria.” Cullen said with tears in his eyes and Neria gave him a heartbroken look as she hugged him. “I have been so doubtful of him. I love him, but I am so afraid to lose him.”

“We all lose loved ones. We all saw that when Cassandra lost Garrett and when Belle lost Arlene and Devon. We will lose many more but what matters is that we love and never doubt such love. Love is everything Cullen. Do not throw it away because of your insecurities; as Cole told me countless times: _The Wolf liked it when the Lion bit down. It is a mark- a sign: I am his- His alone_.”

“He…told you that?”

“Cole was worried so he came to me. He knew I befriended another spirit of Compassion much like him so he came to me for advice. He asked me if the pain Josh felt was good or bad. I told him that it was good so long as Josh felt loved.”

She then gave him a grave look as Cullen explained what he told the mage a week ago and she sneered to herself.

“You ask too much of him, Commander. I am surprised he has remained at your side for so long.” She spoke with venom as her eyes filled with hatred. “Never ask a mage to set down their craft. You can throw away your blade, but we are stuck with ours. For all your nightmares, for all your pain and suffering…you have forgotten what mages go through on a daily basis, just like the Templars do!”

“I…”

“Don’t speak. Listen to me, you templar jackass....” Neria said as she moved over to the door and turned to him with a frown as he realized that she discarded any and all respect she had for him in a blink of the eye without mercy. “If you cannot accept him as he is, you will lose him- fast.”

“But I have accepted him!”

“You say it but your heart speaks otherwise.” Neria’s expression changed from one of hatred to one of sorrow. “You will never change him. He touched your heart, but you- templar…your touch might just break his heart beyond repair. If you cannot accept him, end this farce.”

Cullen watched her leave and winched when he realized that she was right. He loved Josh, he loved the mage with all his heart but he could never accept Josh’s craft. He tried and he convinced himself that he did but doubt always lingered in the darkest recesses of his mind and…his heart.  _What if Josh turns into an abomination? What if Josh dies because of his magic?_  And the one that made his stomach churn? _Do I love him because he has used blood magic to make it such or do I really love this wonderful, caring mage?_

He felt his heart break into a million pieces as he held Sulahn to his chest and saw her happily paint a small picture with Alara for her beloved  _bae_. He didn’t know what to do anymore so he went to Solas when the little girl fell asleep in her aunt’s quarters.

He took Cullen a secluded grove and asked the templar to sleep so they may meet in his dreams. Once the Commander fell asleep, he was outside Kinloch Hold, sitting at the lake with Solas. The elf listened in silence as the former-templar spoke his troubles, but looked at him sadly once he was done.

“What do you want to happen, Cullen?”

“I want to stay at his side.” Cullen said it too quickly as he felt his mind throb in pain as he breathed.  ‘I love him, I-“

 “You must remember that love is for two. It is when two souls share in a sacred bond beyond time and space and all the problems in between. It is not meant to be carried alone. As I see it now, he carries it alone and he doesn’t want to let go because he is afraid to lose you.” The elven apostate spoke in a calming voice that always seemed to make Cullen feel at ease whenever the former-templar had a question to ask. “Acceptance is important. The Inquisitor is a powerful, respected mage but above all that, do you know who he looks to then he is tasked with impossible decisions? He looks to you.”

“He…does?” Cullen cursed himself for the surprise in his tone as the elf smiled at him solemnly.

“You are his strength, Commander…but a cracked foundation will become his end.”

“What are you saying Solas?”

“If you care for Josh as you say you do, you will do what is right for him, regardless of what you feel. Look at him and see what he needs. If he needs space, give it to him. If he needs to be held, hold him but if he needs to be set free, you have to let go.”

“What if I don’t want to let go?”

“Then you are going to harm him worse than the Elder One ever could.” Solas cussed. “Do you know what I respect the most about the  _dirth’ena enasalin?_  He loves you completely. He has wholeheartedly given himself to you. He looks past all your imperfections and he sees the man you really are. He sees a man in you that perhaps you yourself cannot see.”

Cullen then brought up asking Josh to stop using blood magic and improving his magicks. Upon hearing it, Solas scoffed.

“If I were him, I’d have broken up with you.” Solas shrugged as he gazed up the stars and Cullen did the same with shiver running down his spine as the mage continued. “You do not understand what you ask of him, Commander. It is like you are asking him not to breathe. He is a ewer of water and you would have him stand and look pretty in a cabinet instead of carrying this power forward for others to glean from his knowledge. Once every elf held the gift of magic- Magic was as simple as breathing. It simply is, Cullen. You have insulted him gravely, Commander. ”

“How do I do better by him Solas? I hurt him and I wish to make it right.”

“I will make you understand what you asked of him.” Solas said as he stood up and asked Cullen to do the same. “You trained with Valor and now you are going to feel magic flow into you. Spirit Warrior.”

Solas placed his hand on Cullen’s shoulder and the Commander screamed out in pain as he felt a white hot heat surge his blood and his flesh. He collapsed on the grass and Solas gave him a sad look as he helped the ex-templar to his feet.

“Valor is now channeling his strength into you directly. Not Possession…mind you, but something akin to it. Try and hit me,  _vherain_.”

“What?” Cullen hissed as he regained his composure and gave the elf a guarded look as Solas tossed a fireball his way. Cullen felt a rush of energy as he leapt out of the way and he felt another anomaly. It was a strange feeling but he felt invigorated when he moved now as he also realized that he was acutely aware of _something_. Like _something_ was guiding his steps, helping him- and that in turn he could sense _everything_ around him…worse yet was that he could feel Lyrium everywhere and it made his Lyrium withdrawal act out as he got an intense headache from the sudden clairvoyance.

“This is the Fade, Cullen. I will not hold any harm you cause me against you, but I will make you feel pain- For my friend’s pain at the very least.” Solas flicked his wrist and fired a succession of stonefists. He dodged the first two but didn’t see the third one. He raised his hands at the last moment and cried out when it hit him with full force, surging his body with an intense wave of pain…but he didn’t get knocked down as he expected. Instead, he held the projectile in his hand with a dumbstruck look he sent it flying back and knocked the mage prone. Solas applauded him as he healed his wounds and stood up.

“Well done!” He grinned as he approached the Commander. Cullen looked at his hands, horrified as they shook and he sensed the magic pulling at his strength, fatiguing him immensely.

“I…what is this?!”

“You are a warrior with the ability to call on the power of the Fade through a link with a spirit- in this case Valor.” Solas explained as he took hold of one of Cullen’s hands and pointed it to the ground.  The Commander let out a girlish cry as he unleashed a blast of flame that rushed forward in a wave formation and died down when it reached the water, filling the area with steam.

“No! This is a dream! A trick!”

“It is a dream, but no trick. Valor has agreed to lend you his full aid compared to just communement to strengthen your natural vigor. When you return to the real world, you will have magic- to an extent.” Solas gave him an amused look as he watched Cullen shake his hand profusely when he looked his hands in fear. “ _Vhenan’ise_ is yours, Commander. Wield it as you choose.”

“Heart-fire?” Cullen asked and Solas nodded.

“I am impressed Commander. Your knowledge of  _elvhen_  is growing.” The elf spoke as he smiled. “This fire is yours to keep. It will burn your foes and protect your friends. I will teach you how to weave it into your blade and into your shield, to warm up your body in the cold, to spark life to a dying ember. This you can learn and more.”

Solas then spent the night helping Cullen understand the basics of magic, how his new found powers would affect his life now that he was a Spirit Warrior. It took Cullen a while to understand the mage but after awhile, he understood that it was all a test of mind and not body. Of course body was important in that Cullen cast spells from his stamina for he had no mana but mind was what formed the flames.

“Did you do this to prove a point? I feel like…it’s all around me- the magic. I can reach out and it’s there- Comforting yet…scary. Like standing on the edge of a cliff, if I fall I could try to fly but if I fail I’d die.” Cullen snarled as he settled down into the grass beside the elf, his mind spinning as he tried to steady himself. “It terrifies me.”

“Now imagine this feeling hundredfold with demons hounding you at every corner.”

“Maker’s breath!”

“That is what Josh faces every day. You feel it don’t you- the urge to explore and seek out knowledge, to learn and develop your gift- and behind all that- utter dread.”

“I do. I…was wrong.” Cullen mouthed as he gave Solas a sad look.“ _Ir abelas, ma falon_.”

“Do not apologize to me, Commader.” Solas shot the former-templar a dirty look. “I am not the one you asked to stop breathing for your sake. Your selfishness will be the undoing of _mala vhenan_.”

“I…I know.”

“Do you?” The Commander cringed as Solas glared daggers at him. “Cullen. I know of the deepest fear that plagues his mind and it…is you seeing him as a blood mage and not the man you love.”

“How d-do I fix it?”

“ _Fix it?_ Love is not a broken blade that you can temper and saw off the tarnished ends whenever you’d like! You must let go of your fears. Bare your soul to him and hope to your Maker that he bares his soul to you…because what you expected of him Commander- was utterly cruel.”

 

\---

 

 When Josh returned to Skyhold, he was asked by Lace Harding and Dagna to set the date for the paired tournament. After addressing it and planning it to be held before the Warden-Commander’s departure, he then left for his room. He was tired and in need to rest after capturing Suledin Keep as the battle with the demon Imshael had left him quite worn out. What he found in his room made him rethink the anger and sadness he felt when he recalled Cullen’s fears.

He saw a series of letters, all confessions of love and sorrow strewn about his lab. He read them to himself and he felt the tears flow without permission as he folded them up neatly and placed them in one of the desks he used to keep his alchemical formulae and reagents. He wiped at his tears as he raced out of his tower but stopped short of the door to his friend’s tower. He reached out for the handle but felt that he could not barge inside so he decided to put his new found magicks to good use.

He quite easily managed to slip into Cullen’s bedroom, the hole in the roof that he often stared through to watch the stars was large enough to allow his raven form to fly through without any problems. He landed silently and watched through the small gaps of the plank floor as Cullen wrote out some reports. He was mesmerized by the way the light accentuated Cullen’s form in the dark but soon he realized that there was something off about the way the shadows formed. He then realized that the so-called candlelight was a tiny flame that danced about the Commander’s lifted palm as he wrote.

He almost burst out laughing when Cullen jumped up from his seat as the youth reassumed his human form after quickly darting down the ladder as a housecat. The former-templar looked at him with curious eyes as Josh himself looked at the handsome, flame shrouded man in front of him with a look of curiosity.

“C-Cullen…” The mage said as he tilted his head slightly. “Y-You look d-different- almost…like you’re swathed in flame.”

“I am.” Cullen answered as he closed his hand around the tiny flame. It extinguished as he reopened it and smiled at the mage. Josh flushed as Cullen placed the reports he was busy with in the drawer and got up from his seat and started a slow walk towards the mage with a sultry grin. “I see you’ve been practicing Flemeth’s craft.”

“I-I have.” Josh admitted as Cullen stopped in front of him, their lips a mere inches from each other as the mage shuddered when their noses touched momentarily. The Commander gave the mage a look that he didn’t recognize as a calloused hand cupped his cheek and he felt intense warmth on his skin- warmth that was riddled with the Fade. “Oh…Cullen.”

“I am sorry for what I said.” Cullen said remorsefully as he traced Josh cheek. The mage however pulled away from him and snarled as the Commander’s face turned in that moment. “My love-“

“I don’t need your apology, Commander. I know you are sorry but you need to understand that I didn’t want this to happen!” Josh said while pointing to his Mark and then to the palm he slit at Adamant. His voice cracked as he spoke and he wept pathetically as the tears flowed. He saw Cullen move to hug him but he stopped the larger man with wave of his hand. He glared at Cullen and despite the tears in his eyes; he managed to make an angry face. “Do you think I wanted to turn to Blood Magic?! Do you think I wanted to become what broke you the first place?”

“No but I…”

“P-Please let me finish.” Josh bawled as he pointed to his palm and shook his head, paying no deed to the tears that clouded his vision. “How do you think I felt when I cut myself to keep you alive? I hate myself…but I…I…Cullen…I love you and I will give up all magic for you once we deal with the Elder One.”

“But Josh…”

“Cullen…” The mage wept as he moved to the ex-templar and smiled sadly, all the while tracing the handsome Commander’s scar with his fingertips. “All the lore and magic in the world would never amount to even a modicum of what I feel for you. I love you!”

The mage saw Cullen look at him with a completely crestfallen look as he brought his lips to the mage’s nose. Josh murmured softly as Cullen nuzzled his nose and shook his head as he looked into the mage’s eyes with sadness.

“Don’t change. You are perfection, do you know that?” Cullen whispered and the mage looked at him in confusion as he wiped at his tears,

“Cul-“

“Do not change, damn you!” Cullen roared, the mage felt his heart skip a beat as the sound of Cullen’s voice rushed through him; invigorating him and making him buckle slightly. He felt large hands stop him from collapsing as he was ripped into a firm hug as Cullen slowly caressed his back with a low rumble. “Foolish mage! You only understand when you’re being scolded. You like that don’t you? Being scolded by me?”

The mage nodded meekly. The Commander tittered as he locked the doors of his tower, then led Josh towards his desk and shook his head as he sent everything atop it crashing unceremoniously down to the stone floor. The Knight-Enchanter moved to pick up a few dried up inkwells and quills that fell down but he was soon filled with pain as a rough hand tugged at his short hair and aimed his face towards the vacant desk.

“Can you prepare me…or will I have to do it myself?” Cullen asked as he let got of Josh’s hair and moved backward. He began to strip off his tunic; soon the mage was staring at the muscles of his naked Commander who glared at him with folded arms. “JOSH!”

“H-Huh?” The mage stammered as he jumped upon hearing Cullen shout his name, making the Commander giggle as he pulled Josh into his arms and hugged him. The mage relished in the warmth but yelped when Cullen took hold of his hands and guided them to the firm muscles the former-templar had at his ass. The Inquisitor moaned as he tested the hard flesh with slow kneads. “Oh…my…”

“I want you to take me.” Cullen growled as he pointed to the desk.

It took Josh a moment to realize what the man had said but once he did, he completely froze up. His palms sweated profusely as Cullen looked at him with a concerned look.

“…Josh?”

“I can’t!”

“You can _ma vhenan_.”

“B-But I want you to be in control! Please!”

“I will be in control. I’ll guide you, do not be afraid!” Cullen smiled at the mage as he began to pull off the many layers of armor that the mage wore. The Inquisitor looked mortified as Cullen pulled of his underwear and tossed it aside. He then moved over to his desk, got a vial of oil from a drawer and leaned forward onto the desk. The mage gawked as he caught sight of the puckered ring being teased at by Cullen’s lathered up fingers. The sound Cullen made as the first finger was inserted made Josh harden immediately as Cullen looked back at him and smiled devilishly. “Come here.”

Josh nodded as Cullen began to thrust his finger in and out, the mage watched intently as Cullen’s cock and heavy balls stiffened and pressed against the desk excitedly as the Commander moaned to himself in a low tone.

“Aah…” Cullen mewled as he pulled out his finger and took hold of Josh’s Marked hand. The mage moved to pull away but the look in Cullen’s eyes made him remain still as he was as Cullen lathered up his fingers and guided him to his entrance. He let out a moan as he felt Cullen’s puckered ring react to his presence. The former-templar let go of his hand and smiled as the mage got some confidence and pushed inside. “Maker…Nghh…”

Josh began to explore the tunnel of flesh, carefully moving and making sure that his wasn’t hurting his Commander. He then began to thrust his fingers when the former-templar told him that he was comfortable. He let out a small cry as he felt the tunnel constrict around him as he added another finger. The sound of elation that Cullen made had Josh already dripping with pre. He was about to add a third when Cullen shook his head and giggled loudly.

“I...I won’t last if you add another finger…” Cullen murmured as Josh retracted his fingers and smiled at the mage as he turned around and kissed his neck. He reached down at the mage’s hardness and teased at the dripping tip with his fingers. “You…you should take me now. I’m ready, my love.”

”Are you…”

“Take. Me.” Cullen growled as he pulled the mage onto the desk and told him to lie flat. The Inquisitor made no argument as he obliged and felt Cullen straddle him. He very nearly cried out for all of Skyhold to hear as Cullen eased himself over Josh’s tip and grinned. “I’m ready for this. Are you?”

“I-I am. Please drain me of my mana.”

“Why would…”

“Please Cullen…”

“A-Alright, my love- Here goes…” Cullen rasped as he slowly pulled at Josh’s mana, making sure not to rip it out too quickly but the mage was filled with a profound sensation as he was stripped of his mana temporarily and Cullen eased the head inside. Josh felt the larger man’s insides press against him as Cullen tried to force more inside his entrance, the feeling amplified by having no mana inside his body. The mage gritted his teeth as the former-templar proceeded to lift, making Josh sigh as he got a moment to relax but soon he was engulfed in the feeling of Cullen’s walls cracking down on him. Cullen sat on top of him, his cock fully sheathed as the ex-templar leaned back so that his legs dangled beside the desk and allowed the mage’s cock to push deeper inside his Commander. “Aah! Maker…you feel so good!”

“C-Cullen! Are you a-alright?!” Josh shouted as he sat up frantically. The Commander sat up too and cussed as he pulled Josh close to him and bit down at his neck, making Josh try to pull away in pain. Cullen however pulled him into a deep kiss and began to rock his hips as he coaxed the mage into thrusting upward. The sound of their slapping hips made Josh blush as Cullen licked as his neck. “Nhhhh…Cul…”

“Such a good m-mage, fucking your Commander like this…I give you p-permission to cum whenever you’d like…” Cullen giggled as he settled a hand on the desk, the other kept Josh close as the mage nodded in thanks. The Commander was heavy and Josh was beginning to feel fatigued by his body weight but Cullen shifted his mass, allowing Josh to keep thrusting into him as warmth filled his loins. Josh laughed as Cullen’s breath hitched when Josh began to stroke his hardness and caress his balls with gentle fingers. “Maker’s b-breath…Josh…I’m-“

“Aaah!” Josh cried as he came, his hardness rapidly softening against the muscle and flesh that wringed him from inside as he spurted. He pulled out as Cullen bit down on his neck again and he felt the cock that was still in his hand, sandwiched between them begin to throb as the Commander roared in ecstasy. Thick globs his seed flew all over their chests as Josh held onto him and gasped as Cullen looked at him amused as a gush of seed hit Josh in the face. “Oh…my…”

“Wait…let me help you.” Cullen simpered as Josh felt him dismount his body and move over to his laundry pile. He let out a giggle as he saw Cullen wiping himself and the mage clean with the red and gold overcoat that he normally wore with his armor and fur pauldrons, he threw it back into his laundry pile and looked at Josh in bewilderment.. “…What?”

“N-Nothing.” Josh giggled as he got off the desk and collapsed in exhaustion. He sighed as he felt Cullen snuggle beside him on the cold floor with a lopsided grin.

“You…were right.” Cullen pointed to his ass and shook his head as the Inquisitor leaned over him and watched his juices ooze out of the Commander. “It is wet, warm and really icky but I love it. Did you enjoy the experience?”

“I did.” Josh nodded by soon his grin was replaced by a sad look. “I prefer you taking me though.”

“Why?”

“I want to be at your mercy Cullen. The very idea gets me hot and bothered.”

 “Alright. Although…why did I have to drain your mana?” Cullen asked and Josh grinned as he stroked Cullen’s tangled hair.

“I am your Wolf and your mage, Cullen. I wanted to feel vulnerable without magic for a moment. Being drained by a Templar feels wrong, almost like he’s violating your magic…but when you did it- I felt an overwhelming sense of calm, like you were caressing me from inside out.”

“...Do you want me to do it often?”

“Yes. I would like that.” Josh said as they lay beside each other and Cullen took the mage’s Marked hand kissed it as Josh kissed his scar. “Will you ever tell me how you got your scar?”

“It…is not as heroic as you might think, my love. I’ll tell you another time…I fear that you’ve exhausted me…I normally last longer than this.”

Cullen kissed at his palm again and Josh heard him gasp when he felt the Mark react to his lips with a sharp jolt. He saw the look of horror in Cullen’s eyes as the Mark began to crackle while Josh’s mana slowly returned. Josh moaned as Cullen traced the Mark with his fingertips, trailing from his palm up to his the start of his forearm and the mage smiled sadly as Cullen’s eyes began gleam with tears.

“D-Does it hurt?”

“It was never meant for a Dreamer, thus it grows each time I use it but it doesn’t hurt. Solas was concerned but I am not. I am here with you. Nothing else matters.” Josh said as he pulled Cullen into a hug. It was a lie that he had to tell, to give his Commander false hope but inwardly he knew that Cullen Stanton Rutherford was no fool- that Cullen would eventually understand the truth about all the times Josh hid his pain behind a fake smile.

The Anchor was killing him.

 


	11. Apathy and Empathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh found out the hard way that love hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Archangel by Two Steps From Hell and Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling ft. Lzzy Hale

The Commander had kept what he had seen a secret from everyone at Josh’s behest. Every night or so, Solas would visit to check on the Mark’s growth but there would be a sad, knowing look on his thoughtful face that made Cullen worry more. It was growing but at a very slow rate and that fact really made Cullen uneasy. From what he could tell from his glances at Alara’s Mark, hers wasn’t growing at all.

He watched as Josh took on a group of twenty students under Fiona’s watchful eye, with Belle, Merrill and Neria helping to teach responsible blood magic. Ser Barris and his knights at first looked perturbed from the sidelines, until Josh asked him to remove the distance and to join in the lessons actively, which Cullen himself decided to sit in with Rylen, Jim and Cassandra, just to get a taste of what was being taught. What he saw brought him pause as he saw prospective blood mages and templars…working together without any _incidents_ and with actual comradeship being formed.

Cullen then realized what the newly formed _Blood Circle_ was created for: To teach the correct use of Blood Magic; that is, to never use the blood of others but the user’s own blood, but also to teach the Templars how to approach the true _maleficars_ , the ones who use the blood of others to weave their magicks and the ones who used their powers to force their will over others- additionally the psychology and theory behind it all would help Barris and his men when facing hostile blood magic. Cullen made sure that Jim and Rylen took down notes as well as he internalized what was taught in case he ever crossed paths with a true maleficar.

According to what the Inquisitor told him between breaks, he realized that the Blood Circle also focused on the Schools of Magic, the very same ones he saw tomes on in the Kinloch Hold library. Belle, now fitted with her spirit blade hilt where her hand was by Dagna, and Neria focused on teaching _Creation_ and _Spirit Healing_ respectively while Merrill taught _Entropy_ and _Primal_. Josh taught _Arcane_ and _Spirit_ , Cullen saw that Josh quite enjoyed the experience of having students again. He knew that Arlene and Devon were always on his mage’s mind but he knew this time Josh would do it right.

The Commander noticed that Josh was somber later that day when he saw the mage and the warden- no…rather, the man who masqueraded as a warden to escape his crimes…Thom Rainer chatting in hushed tones. Blackwall had disappeared few nights back and Josh was determined to find him after reading his note. The Inquisitor was annoyed when he traveled to Orlais with the Commander to save Blackwall from the gallows but the former templar understood deep inside how the mage felt as he too considered Blackwall a friend. The mage asked Josephine to arrange for liar’s release and Josh freed him back into the Inquisition and the Antivan’s waiting arms. When the others asked Cullen why the Inquisitor forgave Blackwall, he said that everyone had a past. Blackwall had a future with Josephine, who was he or Josh to stand in the way of true love? 

When the day was done, Cullen tumbled into his bed and smiled when Sulahn reached for him and wrapped her small limbs around him. Josh had decided to take Varric to the Hinterlands on business with Bianca Davri in Valammar and then he would be going to the Exalted Plains to retrieve the heart of a snowy wyvern for Madame de Fer for reasons he would not reveal to the Commander.

The Commander said a silent prayer for his love to return safely before hugging his daughter and allowing sleep to claim him. It was the most wondrous feeling, having a child- even if there was no blood shared. He felt proud of her and he loved her unconditionally. But the one thing that made him certain of his choice to adopt her was that when she slept in his arms or beside him, he never dreamed of Kinloch Hold. He awoke refreshed and happy. By morning, the child was rushing him to take her to see the Imperial Court Enchanter. He took the impatient Sulahn for her lessons with Madame de Fer. He didn’t like the woman as she always had some offhand remark to say about him, but she seemed quite happy with the elf in her lap and Cullen could not deny that his daughter was a ray of hope for everyone in Skyhold.

After dropping her off, he chuckled when he saw Josephine hanging around the merchant stalls that morning as he stood on Vivienne’s balcony for a brief respite. She had a happy look as she spoke in a hushed tone with the fake grey warden, who looked flushed. The Commander found himself watching them for a brief moment as he nodded to himself. She deserved a good man and Thom Rainier was now a great man: _Blackwall_. He remembered Neria’s words and he mutely thanked her and Solas for pulling him from the path of ending his relationship with Josh.

He moved into the rotunda and was about to leave for his tower, then the tavern, but realized that Solas wasn’t present. He took a moment to take in the rich colors of the frescos Solas had made and he was awe stricken by the attention to detail that the elven apostate had as he recounted Josh and Alara’s journey so far. He noticed a heavy emphasis on the imagery of a lion, a halla and a pair of wolves. He wondered of Solas was referring him and Josh in the frescos or if it was just artistic choice he made.

Cullen nearly jumped when he heard a yawn coming from the couch and he saw Alara emerge from the sheets, her hair tangled up and a sleepy smile on her curvy, full lips.

 _“…Aneth…ara, m-ma falooon._ ” She managed to say as she stretched her body out like a cat. Cullen had to hold in a laugh as he watched her look at him in bewilderment. “Oh Creators, did I oversleep? What is the time?”

“Six bells.” Cullen said as he extended a hand to her with a grin and shook his head. She took it happily and tried her best to straighten her appearance once on her feet. Her hair was less tangled, but Cullen could see she was still sleep addled somewhat, her creased tunic and pants a telltale sign that she enjoyed the nap she had in her lover’s quarters.

“Oh- _Ir abelas_ Cullen.” She yawned again and almost knocked his head with her thin hands as she stretched. He tittered as she blushed. “Not funny, _vherain_.”

“Let us have breakfast together. Our better halves are not present and I…I’d love to get to know you better. You are part of my family now.”

“Sure, why not? Let me just…” She turned around in confusion and folded up the blanket then smiled at him as she threw it onto Solas’ laundry pile nonchalantly. “Oh screw it; I’m too hungry to dress up.”

Cullen decided that it would be better for the elf to have breakfast with him in her quarters; he waved down a servant and asked him to bring a basket of fruits, bread and some wine. The servant scuttled off eagerly as he made his way to the top floor and into Alara’s room. He held in a laugh when he saw her running after Nuggles, the small nug dodging her frantically and bee-lining for Cullen. He picked up the brown nug and carried it over to the distraught mage.

“He shitted in my bed last night! Now he’s all innocent.”

“Oh come now, he’s too cute to discipline.” Cullen said as he stroked at its smooth skin and smiled when he saw it close its eyes in contentment.

“Is that so?” Alara asked with a haughty look that made Cullen double take when she gave him her ‘ _I know what you did_ ’ smirk and took the little nug from Cullen’s hands. She cooed into its floppy ear and turned to the Commander. “My brother is cute too, yet you _discipline_ him almost every night now…sometimes even three times a night. Let’s talk about that, shall we?”

“I…” Cullen stammered as he flushed deeply. “You are evil.”

“I know, _vherain_.” She giggled.

_“Bodies moving in harmony, flesh striking flesh. I am yours, Cullen. Yours. Vision gone starry, back getting stiff- I need you Cullen. I love you Cullen. I…I…”_

“COLE!” Cullen shouted as he grabbed the rogue and shot Alara a heated look when he muffled the former spirit with his hand. She stood silent, utterly horrified but soon she giggled out loud as she clutched her chest in sweet agony. She very nearly dropped on the floor to roll on the floor laughing. Nuggles took the opportunity to flee her grasp to her desk.

“Oh my word, _vherain_ is a horndog!” She laughed as she settled down on her bed and gave Cole a nod. “Oh Cole. I love you so much.”

_“O-Oh Solas! Kiss me again- Like that! Don’t stop, oh Maker- Creators- whatever is real- never let this end- oh…fuck me.“_

Alara turned a shade of red, almost the same as her hair as she shot up to her feet and looked utterly mortified when Cullen let go of the rogue and this time he laughed while clutching his chest.

“And I thought you were the nice sibling.” Cullen grinned as he approached her and took her hand. “That didn’t sound very _nice_.”

“Shut up.” She snarled as she pointed to the bed sans nug shit and gave Cole a grin. “Come join us. We’re having breakfast.”

Cullen heard a knock at the door and moved to it while Alara chatted with the former spirit. The Commander thanked the servant and brought the baskets into the room. He set out the platters and watched as Alara dug in before he could even pour out the wine.

“Oh, this is good! Eat some, Cole.”

“I like grapes.” Cole said as he took a handful and slowly ate them. Cullen handed a glass each to the keeper and rogue. He then proposed a toast. Cole looked confused but Alara explained it to him and he nodded in understanding.

“To Josh and Solas: Our companions and our hearts.” Cullen began with a smile that was mirrored by Alara and Cole as they lifted their glasses. “Our...pillars of strength.”

“Indeed.” Alara smiled.

“And…to Belle.” Cole stammered as he sipped the wine and smiled to himself. Alara looked bamboozled but Cullen knew why.

“Belle?”

“He kissed her.” Cullen muttered in a nonchalant tone but Alara’s eyes widened and she had the same look Mia had when trying to get details from Cullen. The Commander sighed as Cole looked at her with flushed cheeks which stood out against his pale complexion despite his long, blonde hair that shrouded most of his face.

“I want details!”

“ _Please hold me. Please take my sorrows away like you always do. Don’t make me forget._ _Make me remember._ _I survived. I am stronger to face Him now. I will…_ She was sad. She wanted to taste my lips, I did it happily. She is so pretty to look at. The way the wind catches her hair like a golden eagle in flight, the way her eyes sparkle like gems in the moonlight, the way she smiles when I’m near her, the way she wears my hat and grins when I tell her that it suits her. She is perfect.”

Cullen had to keep his composure, he had the urge to grin like a cat that ate a canary but he instead placed a hand on Cole’s shoulder, an immense feeling of pride filled him as he looked at the former-spirit with happiness in his eyes.

“I’m proud of you, Cole.” Cullen said with a beam but his composure fell away and he broke into a wide grin that made Alara laugh. “Treat her well or you’ll have me and Josh to deal with.”

The rogue nodded cheerfully as he ate a grape. The keeper snapped her fingers and pointed to Cullen in excitement.

“By the way, Josh told me that he amended the rules for the tourney but he didn’t tell me what. Do you know? It’s starting soon and I have to practice.” Alara spoke with enthusiasm as she smiled.

“He’s…uh changed the rules somewhat. For one, he made it that you have to capture the enemy’s flag to win.” Cullen shook his head in derision then continued. “He’s also scrapped the pair idea. It’s now a team of five, randomly selected from the pool of participants.”

“Why?”

“Sera.” Cullen winched as he said it. The elf had convinced Josh that with random teams, the _little people_ would have a fair chance of winning. Naturally, Josh approved of the idea and then he amended the rules. It was a good idea, Cullen agreed but he really looked forward to fighting side by side with Josh. It was a long time since they fought together or even sparred since Josh started his training with the specialists and the happenings of Halamshiral.

The former templar smiled as he recalled how he and Josh sparred in bed, his heart raced as he imagined what they would do next together. He flushed slightly as he reminded himself that whatever he did in bed with Josh only served to bring them closer and he was very eager to strengthen his bond with the mage. It was evident from how Josh clung to him each morning and night that the mage was eager to do the same.

“Cullen.”

“Hmm? Oh.” The Commander flushed further as Alara looked at him with a knowing look and shook her head while Cole looked at them in silence with a small grin. Cullen glared at him that practically dared him to say what he was hearing in the Commander’s head. From the look of worry he had on his face, Cullen’s glare worked perfectly. He then turned his attention to Alara in an attempt to change the subject. “Is this whole innocence of yours false or are you really as cold as you were at the Winter Palace?”

“I’m a bit of both actually. Being the foster daughter of Aurelia Trevelyan made me tough. I had to learn to exploit foes in the court- Ostwick had its own Grand Game so I had to learn fast but being an elf made it easy- no one noticed me.” Alara explained as she drank her wine and asked for a refill. “Don’t worry. I am as you see me. I only reserve the cold side for those I deem worthy of such treatment.”

Cullen nodded and realized that Josh was clever to ask Cassandra make Alara Inquisitor if anything happened to the Knight-Enchanter. She was resourceful and ruthless, but deep inside she was a gentle soul…almost like his mage.

Once breakfast was over, Cullen trained a group of new recruits. He then signed off orders for Rylen and his men at Griffon Wing Keep and sent his second-in-command on his way with a few scouts and a small contingent of soldiers that he requested on his visit to Skyhold.

Bethany then decided to pay him a visit with Merrill and their presence reminded him of Kirkwall. He missed Hawke’s motley crew. Despite all the trouble they often got into or brought his way, they always managed to make him smile when they were not looking. It was a dark time and he regretted not standing against Meredith sooner but…they brought some comfort into his life. It was nice to reminisce of a time before meeting Josh that he was happy. He could then convince himself that he was capable of making Josh happy.

“How are things on the _Joslen_ frontier?” Bethany asked and it garnered a curious look from the raven haired keeper. Cullen had some free time so he indulged them, albeit with red cheeks.

“We’re fine thank you.” Cullen nodded.

“It’s so nice to see you happy! Kirkwall was so gloomy and sad. This is really a step up.” Merrill chimed as she gave Cullen a smile. “I wonder how Guard-Captain Aveline is doing.”

“She’s doing fine, I…wrote to her a few days back. Merrill…could I ask you something, _lethallan_?”

“You speak elvhen?!” The elf smiled as she nodded enthusiastically. Cullen managed to hear Bethany giggle as he flushed further.

“ _Ma vhenan_ teaches me whenever he has time. I…” Cullen rubbed at his neck and cleared his throat as he blushed deeply as Merrill looked at him with worried green eyes. Even the force-mage mirrored her worry with grey eyes. “What do you think of Joshua’s Blood Magic? I was worried at first but now I understand him. I just want to know how you feel about it being a Blood Mage yourself.”

“He is…different from me. I made a deal with a demon. It was…a mistake but I can’t do anything about it now but make the most of the magic I have. The Inquisitor didn’t make any deal. From what I understand since what Bethany told me is so miraculous…he simply used it to help you. That makes his Blood Magic cleaner.”

“ _Cleaner?_ ” Both Cullen and Bethany looked at the elf in confusion.

“I know it sounds weird…but Audacity taught me how to use blood to power magic. I had to learn the process through a deal…so in a way my Blood Magic was given to me and my magic will always have a link to the demon. But Josh…I watch him when he uses his magic from time to time. There’s no tangled webs to a demon, no links to anything in the Fade when he uses Blood Magic. He’s simply trading his life-force to power his spells.”

“So…he’s not in danger?” Cullen asked but was interrupted when a courier burst into the office and made the mages jump.

“Commander!” She wheezed as she caught her breath and leaned onto the wall for support. “The Inquisitor has returned with a group of people claiming to know you. He’s chatting to a really loud one. T-They’re at the gate.”

 _Oh no…_ Cullen cussed as he raced down the fortress. _Loud one_ could only mean one person: Mia. He made it to the gates in time to see said sister hugging Josh with a happy look. Beside her were a tall man with short blonde curls Cullen instantly recognized as Branson with his little son clinging to his coat and a small, timid woman with curly locks of blonde hair, little Rosalie. 

“Cul!” Josh shouted as he waved down the Commander, who yelled inwardly as Mia gave him a perceptive look and drew him into a hug, she then pulled away and smacked him with a laugh. It stung, but it was her way of telling him: _Thank the Maker you’re okay, brother._

“Why didn’t you tell me he was so handsome?!” She exclaimed pointing to Josh who chuckled. Branson shook his head in disregard. Cullen gave him a brief glare.

“Never mind that brother; it is good to see you.” The soldier drew Cullen into a sideways hug, the little boy smiled as Cullen kissed at his brow. Branson then pointed begrudgingly to Rosalie.

Rosalie let out a sniffle when she hugged her brother. She cried and Mia put a reassuring hand on her sister’s shoulder while Cullen made sure to keep her firmly in his arms as she clung to him in happiness and excitement.

“C-Cullen, we missed y-you.”

“I missed you all as well, Rose.” Cullen beamed as he pulled away and held her dainty hands in his larger ones.

Josh took them inside Cullen’s office, but didn’t remain due to some urgent missives he received from Madame Vivienne. Thus the Commander helped his family settle into Skyhold with relative ease as he asked Scout Jim to move their things into the vacant rooms above the gardens. Mia told him that Josh had found their carriage under attack and Branson protecting the ladies from a pack of possessed wolves. He also found out that his family was on its way to Skyhold to join the Inquisition. Mia claimed that she needed to see how he was doing and the best way was to join. It was happenstance that they met the Inquisitor personally.

“So… _Cul_? Josh is…” Mia gave him a naughty look as she sat on his desk and smirked. “He seems like a nice person. Handsome and-”

“He is nice and handsome, so hands off.” Cullen scowled and asked her to get off the desk, remembering what he and Josh did together on said desk. She looked at him defiantly but got off the desk when Brandon shook his head with a scoff. Cullen let out a sigh of relief. “Sorry. That’s my desk- I work there.”

“B-Brother…” Rosalie stammered as she beamed. “I can help with b-books if you’d like. Does Skyhold have a l-library? Mia’s going to help the cooks and Branson’s a soldier. I want to help out if it’s possible.” 

The Commander nodded. He mused over how Rose used to love archiving things, books, pages, letters- it didn’t really matter. She archived it and he guessed that she enjoyed the therapeutic feeling archiving gave her when she did what she loved. It was no surprise to the Commander that she became the archivist of Honnleath’s chantry until they left for South Reach and became the archivist there.

He explained how to get to Dorian’s favorite haunt, his sister thanked him and left for it. Mia decided look after Jaime and asked Cullen for a place to have fun with the child. Cullen pointed her to the gardens where Sulahn was often with Kieran and Morrigan. Branson remained and gave Cullen a stern look as he approached the desk when Cullen settled behind it to check if any reports required his attention.

“Is this thing between you and the mage serious, brother?”

“ _Thing?”_ The former-templar gave Branson an askew look and frowned. “Why call it _thing_ if I am in a relationship with him? It is not a _thing_. He is my-”

“Whatever it is, it is wrong.” Branson scowled as he interrupted Cullen and pointed to him with a gauntlet. The older brother folded his arms and shook his head as his little brother spoke. “You cannot love a man. You cannot!”

“I love him and I don’t need your permission to be in a relationship with him.”

“You don’t Cullen, but men don’t court men.” The soldier sneered as he tilted his head. “I looked up to you damn it! I married the girl I loved and I thought you’d do the same when you found her- not love the bloody Inquisitor- a man like you! I respect him, but I don’t respect this…whatever it is.”

“ _Relationship_. We are partners, he and I- we even have a daughter. I care about you, brother but Josh is special. He makes me happy.” Cullen gritted his teeth as he stood his ground with balled fists. “I love him.”

“I can’t accept that. This is not love. This is foolishness.” Branson shook his head with a sad look. “The girls, they revel in it but I…I hate you for it.”

“Y-You hate me?”

Branson was about to answer when the door opened and Josh walked in with a happy look. He hugged at Cullen’s back as the Commander remained seated  and  the mage kissed Cullen on his cheek that made the Commander’s anger simmer down somewhat. The mage didn’t notice the soldier glaring at him until Branson cleared his throat.

“O-Oh my! I’m so sorry! I-I didn’t see you there…” Josh blushed and pulled away from Cullen with a worried look between the brothers. “I…uh- I’m going to Val Royeaux on some business with Vivienne. I’ll be back tonight- don’t wait up for me, _emma lath_.”

 _“Ma nuvenin, ma vhenan. Ar lath ma, dareth shiral.”_ Cullen said as he gave Josh a chaste kiss and watched Branson squirm as Josh left him reluctantly with the soldier. He knew Josh wasn’t stupid, he knew the mage would catch onto his exclusive use of _elvhen_ and that he would realize that Cullen and Branson were at odds. Cullen just hoped that Josh would not find out that _he_ was the reason they were at odds.

Branson walked up to him and gave him a look that echoed of anger and hatred. He growled slightly and nodded to himself.

“So you’re a knife-ear now too?”

“It’s called elvhen, and I learned it from Josh.” Cullen shouted as he stood up. Branson didn’t flinch as Cullen moved and bared his teeth. “And watch your tongue, brother. They are called elves. They are people just like us! My daughter is an elf damn you!”

“They have turned their gaze away from the Maker and so have you.”

“Me?!” Cullen lost it in that moment and he grabbed at Branson’s coat; the smaller built soldier whimpered as Cullen pulled him close and inadvertently seared his armor with his fingers as he growled loudly. “You were the one who had a child out of wedlock, Branson, not me! Do not lecture me about the Maker. If I didn’t send you that damning letter…the scoundrel that you are would never have married her! It is unfortunate that Sylvia passed on but you have no right to-”

“You are in love with a fucking maleficar and now you wield magic?! Did you forget what those mages in Kinloch Hold did to you? And Kirkwall?! I remember! I still have your letters! Do not be stupid brother. You cannot love this mage.” Branson slammed down with his palms to break free and moved to the opposite end of the room.

“Hate us if you must Branson. I have an army to command- If you would excuse me, brother.” Cullen said it with as much tenacity as he could. His brother gave him an angry look and moved over to the door as Cullen opened it and pointed outside to the bridge leading to the rotunda.

“You are not my brother. But I must protect you still.”

“I am your brother; you are just too blind to see it.”

Cullen winched when he slammed the door behind Branson and he felt like sliding down to his knees in weakness. Instead he sat down behind his desk and banged down with his fist. He released as a small burst of flame and left a fist sized scorch mark on the polished wood that made Cullen even more irritated when he tried to wipe it away with a cloth but found that the mark remained.

In an attempt to cool down, he made his way to the library to speak with Rosalie. He found her standing with a pile of books in her hands as she ogled Dorian. The altus was busying himself with a book and paying her no mind as she moved about and removed books from their shelves at Helisma’s behest.

“Hello b-brother!” Rosalie beamed when she saw Cullen approach and the Commander took the books from her. She shot the altus a look and he still didn’t pay her mind as Cullen helped her to carry the book piles down into the lower archives that Josh wanted to clear up and sort but didn’t have enough time to do so himself. Cullen blamed himself for that. Much of the mage’s free time was solely for himself and Josh, to explore what they liked in bed.

“Who is that handsome man in the library?” The Commander’s little sister asked as Cullen blew at the dust on the table and set down the pile of books.

“Dorian Pavus, a noble mage from Tevinter. A good man- he saved Joshua’s sister from a magister that took over Redcliffe Castle…so we trust him. We play chest almost every afternoon. You…like him don’t you?” The Commander asked and she nodded. He was sorry to burst her bubble but he had to tell her before she got her heart set on the altus.  “…Sorry, he likes men.”

“I-I’m okay with that. If nothing else, I would like to be his friend. I…don’t have many friends...Does he have a boyfriend then?”

“Yes. Iron Bull.”

“Iron Bull?” The archivist looked horrified at the name. Cullen chuckled as he watched her begin to sort out the books into their respective groups.

“He’s a qunari mercenary captain. Really nice guy. Tell you what: When we finish here, I’ll take you to meet Bull? Is that alright?”

“S-Sure! I’d like that.” She beamed jubilantly.

“Josh will really appreciate what you’re doing, Rose.” Cullen grinned as his sister began to sort out some old books from the shelves and dusted them off with a rag she kept in her work frock. She gave Cullen a sad smile and nodded.

“He is saving us from the Elder One. I would do anything for him now that he’s making you so happy but…” Cullen pulled her into a hug as she looked at him with teary eyes. She clung to his armored chest and wept loudly. “Bran doesn’t understand. For once since Kinloch H-Hold…Mia and I heard how happy you are. We came to see for ourselves and help where we could but Bran…he argued with Mia the whole trip.”

“I am sorry for his behavior but not for my love for Josh. I…”

“Cullen…” Rose murmured as she pulled away from her brother and smiled brightly as he wiped her tears away with gloved fingers. “I love you, brother. Mia and I- we understand and we do not question the Maker’s plans. Mother and father…They would have loved the Inquisitor.”

“I know. He’s just the kind of person father would have liked for his eldest son: Sweet, gentle…selfless.

 

\---

 

The Inquisitor padded back to his room after an eventful day. Vivienne had just lost her beloved Bastien du Guislain and for once, he sympathized with her. He couldn’t imagine life without Cullen. It reminded him of how short life was and that the Elder one needed to die, quickly if possible. It reminded him of his growing Mark and the vivid dreams he had lately. He wasn’t too bothered about them…yet.

It also reminded him that Cassandra, Leliana and potentially Vivienne were all candidates to become the new Divine and that he would probably be the deciding vote as to who would head the Chantry in the years to come. The thought unsettled him and he discarded all thoughts for a brief moment as he slipped into his room, stripped off his armor and fell on top of his mattress. Sleep claimed him and he was greeted by Cullen’s naked chest beside him the next morning.

“Good morning, handsome.”

“Good morning to you too, love.” Cullen murmured as he ran a finger over Josh’s jaw and the mage closed his eyes at the immense feeling of love it brought. He purred slightly and garnered a chuckle from the Commander, who kissed him tenderly while making sure that the blankets over them remained in place. “Sulahn is with Rosalie. I thought it might be good for them to bond.”

“I like your thinking…and I really like your family, Ser Rutherford.” Josh spoke as he nipped at Cullen’s neck with his teeth. The blonde let out a cry as he rubbed at the marred flesh with his hand.

“Ouch! What was that for?” Cullen managed to give Josh a sexy smile as he wrapped his hands around the mage’s smaller frame and they lay beside each other, tightly enmeshed limbs that radiated warmth as Josh cooed into his Commander’s ear.

“Now you know how it feels. I don’t mind you doing it to me though. It reminds me of where I belong.”

“Oh? And where do you belong.”

“At your side…completely at your mercy.” Josh grinned as Cullen’s hand trailed down for his smalls but Josh caught his hand and had an innocent look that made his Commander giggle. “Not now. The tourney is starting today.”

“Let them wait, then. I have something important to do with my Inquisitor…”

“No- C-Cullen!” Josh giggled as Cullen began to touch his chest and darted his fingers about the hard, yet ticklish skin. Within a few seconds he had Josh laughing up a storm as he moved his fingers. The Inquisitor was engulfed by the sensation of the fingers on his chest and was unable to do anything but move about in a chuckling mess of flesh. “I- Hhah! Too haha-much! Nhhahaha!”

“I love when you can’t form coherent sentences.” Cullen teased as he licked at the tan skin between Josh abs and he got a breathy sigh from the mage as he stopped his tickle assault.

“Usually, that happens when you’re inside me, not ticking me.” Josh retorted and Cullen gave him a predatory look that made the Inquisitor look away in embarrassment.

“If you want me inside you, tell me and I will make it so, _ma vhenan_.”

“Take me, Cullen.” Josh breathed as he pressed himself against the hard chest in front of him. He let out a moan as he felt Cullen’s fingers at his back, gently caressing his spine and back muscles. He sighed and smiled at the handsome man in his bed. “Please…I want you inside me.”

“Come here, gorgeous…” The Commander growled as he pulled the mage against him and kissed at his neck. Josh gasped as a hand settled over his smalls while another cupped his cheek as the ex-templar slowly pulled at his mana. Josh cried out as Cullen bit at his neck but his cry died down onto a moan that made Cullen giggle as the hand on his smalls dipped inside and wrapped around his cock, stroking vigorously. He felt his mana leave him as all his senses was overwhelmed by what the Commander was doing to him.

“Hhhaaa…” Josh moaned as he felt Cullen leave his cock and felt the Commander’s hard cock against him. He was so enraptured by the feeling of Cullen’s efforts that he didn’t even realize when the former removed their underwear. He tried to move in tandem with Cullen but without mana, his body didn’t respond and he ended up closing his eyes in pleasure, clinging to his Commander for dear life as the blonde thrust against him eagerly. “Nhnn….Gahhh!”

Cullen’s thrusts however, stopped abruptly and made the mage open his eyes in worry. He saw the former templar gaze at him with love in his brown eyes. Josh blushed as the larger man pushed the blankets off their naked bodies and proceeded to straddle the mage. He then smiled as he leaned over Josh and kissed at his brow.

“My love, I would like to try something.” Cullen said as he kissed again at Josh’s brow. The mage let out a small sigh as he nodded. He yelped when Cullen rolled off him and settled beside him on the mattress. His hand settled over the mage’s hardness and made Josh gasp at the sudden sensation of the hand stroking lovingly at his flesh.

“Nhhhh…Y-Yes?” Josh managed to ask as the Commander slowly pumped the mage’s flesh. He moaned out loud as Cullen traced his chest with his free hand.

“I…tend to last longer than you. I don’t want you to get hurt so I…um…” Cullen flushed as he stopped his ministrations and the mage looked at him with worry as he sat up quickly and took Cullen’s hands into his own. He brought them to his lips and kissed at the calluses there. Josh looked at Cullen and he saw the man he looked grinning brightly. “I will still tell you when to cum but I will try to keep you on the verge of it. I want us to go over the edge together.”

“Oh Cullen…” Josh said as he nuzzled Cullen’s hands and kissed at his knuckles. “I would love to try that and much more with you. Please…I…I need you.”

“Of course.” Cullen smiled as he asked the mage to lie on his stomach. The mage did so eagerly and felt a feeling ecstasy as an oiled finger was eased inside him. He focused his breathing and nodded to Cullen, allowing him to begin to work his ass with a slow thrust. He let out a breathy moan as Cullen eased a second finger inside. Josh nearly jumped when he felt his ass get slapped hard but Cullen managed to keep him in place with his free hand. He heard the former-templar giggle as the blonde slowed his thrust. “Sorry, love. I can’t help myself. You have…a wonderful ass. I want to touch it all day.”

“All that I am…is yours Cullen. Please, touch me more.” Josh sighed as Cullen quickened his thrust and added a third finger. He couldn’t hold back the whimper that escaped his mouth as Cullen’s fingers worked him open and touched at his sweet spot and he felt his loins flare with intense heat. “Aah! _Shite!_ C-Cullen!”

“D-Did I hurt you?!” Cullen immediately stopped his thrusts and retracted his fingers, leaving Josh empty and aching for his touch.

“No…I…was too near.” The mage breathed as Cullen settled beside him. He nodded in understanding and caressed Josh’s back, all the while Josh could hear his labored breaths. He understood that Cullen was readying himself for when the mage was ready for him. He smiled at Cullen as he came down from his high. When he calmed down, he sighed deeply. “Cullen…please take me.”

He saw the former-templar smile as he moved. Josh looked ahead and relished in the feeling of Cullen’s slicked up hardness against his entrance. He groaned as he felt Cullen’s chest against his back and smiled when he felt the blonde’s beard against the space between his shoulder blades.

“Are you comfortable, my love?” Cullen asked as he slowly eased the tip inside. Josh tried to answer but all that he managed to get out was a girlish cry and a brief nod as Cullen pulled out and eased the tip inside again. He clutched at the bed sheets and moaned as Cullen slowly eased himself further. Once the larger man was fully hilted, he sighed and relished in the feeling of Cullen’s hands wrapping around him and pulling him even closer.

“Hhhhhha!” Josh cried as the Commander began to kiss at his neck and pull out. He gasped when Cullen bit down at his neck and thrust into him hard. The mage could not take the sensations that flooded his body and mind. He came and heard Cullen let out a confused noise as his insides clutched tightly to the Commander’s massive length. Cullen moved to pull out but Josh reached behind him for the muscle against his back. “No…please…I-I need you inside me.”

“But Josh…I’ll hurt you.” Cullen affirmed but Josh kept his hand on Cullen’s flesh. He cringed slightly as he heard the garden bell chime six times but he didn’t care for the moment.

“I beg you, Cullen...please finish.” Josh felt the Commander’s hands flinch slightly but soon he felt the former-templar begin a slow thrust into his heat. He giggled when he heard Cullen breathe against his ear as his insides hugged tightly against the ex-templar’s length.

“Fuck.” Cullen slurred as he quickened his thrust and Josh could hear him grit his teeth above his ear. Josh however cried out when Cullen sheathed himself completely and began to rock his hips to push himself deeper into the mage. The sheer sensation made Josh cum again but it didn’t seem like his _vherain_ minded.

The Commander continued rocking his hips and soon his hardness twitched violently. Cullen came with a growl, his hot spunk hitting the insides of the mage and filling him with immense love and self-satisfaction as the man he loved made no effort to pull out and instead remained firmly hilted as he slumped over Josh and smiled against his neck “Oh Maker…Josh…I love you.”

“I l-love you too…Cullen.” Josh murmured as Cullen slowly lifted himself and pulled out. The mage was about to roll onto his back but he moaned when he felt Cullen lean against him and kiss along his back. Josh let out a sigh and reached for Cullen’s flesh as he felt himself push out seed against the owners toned flesh. “I’m sorry…for coming without permission.”

“It’s alright.” Cullen kissed tenderly at his ear and grinned as he lifted himself. Josh let out a moan as he felt large fingers begin to massage and caress at his back. He felt the Commander kiss at his spine and rub along his shoulders with a small titter. “I’ll try to control myself next time. Did you enjoy it?”

Josh nodded as he felt his muscles unwind at the touch of his beloved Commander. He smiled as he closed his eyes and felt Cullen’s lips at his lower back. He moaned and gasped when suddenly they heard the sound of knocking at his trap door.

Cullen allowed him to roll over and they gave each other nervous looks as the knocking grew louder.

“We’ll be down soon!” The Commander called but Josh looked at him and broke into a laugh.

“Oh Cullen…there’s a silence spell on the floor and trapdoor. No one can hear us up here.” The mage smirked as he intoned his ice spell and quickly cast the spell on himself and the sheets. Cullen disposed the dirty ice into a nearby bucket. Josh moved to get up but felt too enamored and fatigued to move. He collapsed backward and giggled as Cullen looked at him cynically and smiled. Josh simply let out a sigh. “Oh I’m too bushed for this…”

“I’ll handle it.” Cullen smirked as he pulled the thicker of the two blankets from the mattress and wrapped it around his lower body. He moved over to the trapdoor and nodded to the mage as he unlocked it and scowled harshly. “WHAT-“

“Good morning brother! Good-“ Mia grinned as she pushed her way inside and gasped as a blushing Josh had a mere split second to pull the remaining blanket over himself. He cried out girlishly as Scout Jim followed her inside and shrugged bashfully. The mage immediately understood: Mia coerced him to come with her to check on Cullen. Judging by the grin on her face, she was very happy for her brother. “Oh my…it seems you’ve been having a _very good_ morning, brother.”

“Mia…” Cullen growled as he pointed to the trapdoor. She giggled and pulled Scout Jim along with her. She then winked at Josh, who admittedly was quite startled by her presence.

“Rose and I are waiting on your battlement. Don’t take too long. Or do!”

“OUT!” Cullen roared as he slammed the trapdoor shut and the mage giggled as he began to rant about his loud, inquisitive sister. The mage however was distracted when he realized that the blanket caught onto the trapdoor. When Cullen moved towards him, his cover fell down and he was stark naked. The Commander looked down and smirked as Josh lifted himself from the bed and approached. He reached for Cullen and moaned as the former templar groped at his ass. “We will have to go down to meet them or knowing Mia…she’ll march us down herself. I really don’t want to. I want you.”

“I know. I want you too.” Josh kissed at his scar but giggled when Cullen slid a warm finger against his entrance, making him quiver. “B-But we should go down. I don’t want poor Scout Jim to see us naked again…”

“True...”

They changed into their sparring gear, although reluctantly. Josh was surprised to see that Mia and Rosalie were there on the battlement along with Dorian who carried a silver platter lined with several breads and cheeses that he helped himself to apparently while awaiting the Inquisitor and Commander. He downed a glass of wine and grinned impishly.

“I’m quite hurt that you never invited me to watch your bouts…but I’ll forgive you now that your sister invited me.” The dark skinned mage said as he held his glass ostentatiously and nodded to Rosalie. “She’s so delightful.”

“She is.” Cullen confirmed as Josh stood opposite him and readied his practice rod.

Cullen then asked if Dorian, Rosalie or Mia would like to spar. At first, Dorian and Mia declined but Rosalie decided to join in after Josh moved over to her and whispered in her ear. Josh handed her a spare staff and she stood beside him with a determined look.

“Two on one is unfair!” Cullen griped.

“You best me all the time. It’s time that changes!” Josh had an ear to ear grin as he cast _Haste_ on Rosalie, who at first tripped at the sudden change in speed but soon she adapted to the speed and landed a flurry of hits on her older brother. While Cullen was focused on defending against her attacks, Josh moved behind him and planted a kiss on his neck to which the Commander groaned slightly; the mage then struck Cullen a few times and dodged a wooden blade to his midsection by turning into his raven form, which garnered a yell from Mia and Rosalie. The archivist fell down on the floor in horror.

“Whoops! I forgot, sorry.” Josh apologized sheepishly as he turned into his human form and helped Rosalie to her feet. “I learned to change like the Chasind hedge witches do. I didn’t mean to frighten-“

“Maker’s balls…that was a-awesome!” Rosalie cried in an excited voice. “I’ve read of the Witch of the Wilds but I- I never hoped in my wildest dreams that I would see her magicks!”

“Admittedly- terrifying but badass.” Mia said with a nod, to which Dorian sniggered.

“More likely that he’s cute- You should have seen him as a wolf.”

“Actually…”  Josh said thoughtfully and shed his form.

“Josh, _no!”_ Cullen cussed as he covered his forehead. The mage woofed happily as both Cullen’s sisters and the altus approached with _Aww_ ’s and wide grins on their faces. “Oh…Maker…”

“Oh…he’s so cute!” Mia giggled as she stroked at Josh’s back, the mage whined as the ladies and Dorian pushed him onto his side and began to rub at his furry belly. He relished in the feeling of the hands that caressed him, somehow it made him feel comforted as he looked at Cullen saw the man he loved enjoying how the others found happiness in his wolf form.

Once the garden bell rang out eight times, Josh decided to return to his human form and got a few disappointed looks from the girls and Dorian. Josh then moved over to Cullen’s younger sister and she flushed when he whispered something in her ear. She nodded bashfully and they moved towards Cullen’s tower, but the former templar gave him a mocking look and the mage realized his error. “Oh right. I forgot.”

Josh intoned his ice spell and Mia looked confused as dirty ice fell from Cullen, Josh and Rosalie’s skin. The young girl marveled at the feeling and gave Cullen her staff.

“We’re going to see Morrigan then I’ll train with Three-Eyes. We’ll meet at one bell at the barn right?”

Cullen nodded and Josh relished in the kiss he gave the Commander. He flushed when he realized that Dorian, Mia and Rosalie were looking at him and cheering them on as Cullen cradled his neck and deepened the kiss. The mage moaned as Cullen pulled away and dipped his lips at his covered neck.

“Hhha…” Josh cried as he felt teeth move over his neck. He managed to hear a giggle and a few gasps as he turned to look at the astounded audience. He then looked back at Cullen who held him firmly in place with his hands at his hips and kissed tenderly at the mage’s nose. “C-Cullen…”

“I love you, Trevelyan.” Cullen smiled and paid his sisters and Dorian no mind as he stared into Josh’s eyes. Josh flushed as he felt the other’s eyes on him and many more but he was entranced by Cullen’s gold gaze from the morning sun and simpered.

“I love you too, Cul.”

“You need to tell me the whole story, _Cul_.” Mia said, pulling Josh back to reality and made him buckle slightly in anxiety. The Commander let out an exasperated sigh as he let go of Josh with a small rumble as Dorian giggled.

“If he won’t, I will. Gladly, Lady Rutherford.” Josh heard Dorian grumble as he pulled Rosalie along with him. The girl chuckled as he moved through the rotunda and waved to Solas as they entered the main hall. Josh swore he saw her ogling Krem as the Tevinter soldier sat in the gardens along with Dalish and Skinner while he introduced the blonde to Morrigan and left for the Undercroft for his training, not before pointing out who Krem was and that he wouldn’t bite.

The Inquisitor had finished his training with Three-Eyes a few hours later and made his way back to the garden. There he spent some time with Morrigan, Kieran, Rosalie, Jaime and his beloved Sulahn. The witch had taken a liking to the Commander’s little sister, calling her _the agreeable one_. Once he was done, he ran into Branson who bowed to him and tried to dodge him but Josh sensed that he was angry as he looked quite like Cullen did whenever the ex-templar had a bone to pick with him, so he stopped the fuming soldier to offer him a listening ear if he needed it. Branson took Josh to the area behind the tavern and he glowered at the green-eyed mage.

“Do you have a problem with me, Branson?” Josh asked as he tilted his head in confusion. “If you do, tell me so we can work this out.”

“I have nothing but respect for you Inquisitor, what you did in the Hinterlands for my family makes me proud to serve the Inquisition.” Branson began as he paced about with a scowl. Josh took a moment to size him up and realized that Branson looked like a younger, leaner Cullen with messier curls, lighter hair and bright honey eyes. He was handsome but Josh only had eyes for his _vherain_. He looked with concerned eyes as Branson shook his head and glared at him. “I want you to end things with my brother. I have no doubt that you are a good man but this is wrong.”

“ _Wrong?_ Wrong how?” Josh asked with a defiant stare. Inside however, he felt his heart begin to break as he realized that he was the reason Cullen was at odds with his brother. He kept his equanimity intact somewhat and gritted his teeth. “I barely know you and you’re asking me to break up with the one person who I love more than life. You want to know what’s wrong!? That is wrong!”

“The Maker made men for women and women for men. There is no compromise. It is simply wrong for a man to be with another man.”

“ _Fenedhis_ \- I love him and I love his family wholeheartedly. Yes- in some sick way, I guess I love you as well. He is a part of me- he is _ma vhenan_ , Branson- as are you, Mia and Rosalie!” Josh cursed as he pointed to the soldier with fire in his green eyes. Branson merely scoffed as he looked away in irritation, redness creeping up his neck. “You cannot ask this of me. No!”

“Your kind is the worst, Blood mage! You must have ensorcelled him!” The blonde haired man shouted as he rushed Josh with a punch but Josh was too quick, evaded the fist coming his way and held the young man firmly in place with some ice magic. “Let go of me you man-loving fucker!“

Branson let out a cry as a fist socked him square in the jaw and broke the ice holding him to the wall. The fist’s owner bared her teeth and was joined by Sera who drew her bow and Iron Bull who stood ready with his axe. Josh looked at them as if in a daze and felt his heart break further. He didn’t want them to hurt him.

“You officious shit!” Cassandra struck the soldier again and this time Josh recoiled from shock as if he was the one being struck. Branson adopted a boxing stance but he stopped when Sera snarled loudly with an arrow trained for his head. Josh was stunned, his mind racing as he moved to try and pry the Seeker away from his lover’s brother but his body did not respond.

“I’m a lady-lover Lionshitty-pants, and I’ll still put an arrow in you. Don’t care in you’s Cullen-Wullen’s brother. Josh-Posh loves him and you’re a real piece of shite!”

“Yeah, uh what she said.’ Bull grinned as he brandished his axe and the mage took in its visage. The smaller soldier gulped but Josh…he stood unable to move or react as his Mark began to flicker slightly. A sick feeling engulfed his hand, but he was unable to massage at the hurting flesh.

“Not fair.” Branson cussed as he wiped at the blood on his lips and his cheek. Josh wanted to reach out and help him, heal his injuries at the very least but all he could manage was a low whine as his body made no effort to follow his will.

“Doesn’t have to be. I happen to be a man-lover too and this man is my partner.” Dorian appeared behind the qunari and wrapped a cocoa arm around grey flesh. Bull smiled as the Tevinter mage turned back to the soldier with fire in his hands. Josh tried to extinguish it but the Mark flared slightly at the notion. He gritted his teeth as he stood transfixed and overflowing with emotion. The others however didn’t pay him any mind as Dorian continued. “You have insulted us all, you idiotic fool. Apologize.”

Branson let out a grumble but Cassandra grabbed him and threw him against the wall. The Inquisitor whimpered as he felt the impact. He didn’t understand how but he felt the soldier’s pain; worse than that...he was acutely aware of _everyone’s_ anger. He felt them all and Maker- he wanted it to stop. He tried to cover his ears but his hands didn’t respond and he remained dazed and horrified as the rest of the Inner Circle appeared with their weapons drawn and their hearts brimming over with hatred that terrified Josh.

“I will beat it out of you if I must.” Cassandra pointed to Josh without looking and snarled. “We are pledged to him. We believe in the Inquisitor and Cullen no matter what you-”

“I heard a commotion- Branson?!” Cullen came running with Sulahn hanging onto him with wide eyes. He let out a whimper when he saw his bloodied brother and the Inner Circle members surrounding him. He covered Sulahn’s eyes and Josh let out a sigh of relief inwardly. Cullen wasn’t angry, at least not yet. But then Cullen saw the mage and winched noticeable as he turned to Branson. “What did you do?!”

Josh then cringed; he felt an overwhelming hatred in the Commander that made all the other’s hatred feel like a pin prick compared to the knives that stabbed at his mind as Cullen looked at him with worry. The blonde cupped his jaw and then moved the child to Sera. He moved quickly, roaring angrily but Josh…he felt ill. He felt horrible, so many overwhelming feelings all at once pressed at his mind and he snapped. Josh screamed loudly as the Mark flared green and everyone let out a gasp as he darted in front of Cullen with his Mark pointed at him to defend Branson from the punch coming his way.

“S-Stop…please d-don’t h-h-hurt…him…” Josh managed to breathe as Cullen stopped in mid swing and looked at him, taken aback. The mage then blacked out as the last thing he remembered was Branson pushing him out of the way and him falling to the ground and curling into a ball as his mind burned with pain.

The mage smiled slightly as he came to and saw Cullen seated beside his bed. The blonde kissed at his brow and thanked the Maker as he called over someone to the bed. The room was too bright however and all he could see was shadows as color came and went. But Josh could feel them all. All anxious, all angry but one miserable soul in a dark cell separated from the rest and filled to bursting with fear.

“C-Cullen…”

“Yes, my love?” He asked as Solas moved out of the way and allowed him to approach again. The Commander cupped his jaw but Josh cringed at his touch and glare angrily into confused eyes.

“Release Branson and apologize to him.” Josh growled as Cullen stroked his at his cheek. The Inquisitor however found that his hands responded to his will at that moment and quickly pushed away that the hands gently stroking his face, all the while his Marked hand was engulfed by the feeling of fire coursing through it, making him grit his teeth in pain.

“But he-“

“Commander, please release your brother from the dungeon and apologize to him for raising your hand to him. I do not wish to see or speak to you until you do so.”

 Cullen looked at him in wordless dismay but quickly got to his feet. He rushed out of Josh’s tower with teary eyes and the mage let out a sigh of relief as Solas approached with Neria and smiled sadly.

“Do not be so harsh on him, _lethallin_.” The elven apostate took hold of Josh’s Marked hand and slowly traced at where the Mark was originally placed. Somehow, the elf’s touch alleviated his pain and made him feel at ease as Solas shook his head. “He has been stubbornly at your side for several hours without food and water. He loves you very much.”

“The Templar deserves worse than harshness, but it’s not for me to decide.” Neria scoffed and nodded to the Inquisitor. “I will let the others know that you are fine. I will keep your secret but please…be careful, _falon_. I have lost many friends. I don’t want to lose you as well.”

“ _Ma serannas_ , Neria.” Josh smiled weakly as the healer nodded to him again. She smirked briefly to Solas and left them. However, Josh’s smile was short lived. He grimaced when he caught sight of the elven apostate looking at him gravely. “Solas? What’s wrong?”

“How do you feel? Has the Mark imparted any knowledge upon you? The look in your eyes- I saw it in a dream once of great and ancient Elvhenan in a Temple of Dirthamen.” The elf looked sadly at the mage as he helped Josh to sit up against his pillow. The mage let out a cry of pain as the Mark sparked to life and he nodded vigorously. He tried to explain what he could of the newfound sensation he had but much of what he said was laced with small cries as he felt the dagger-like pain in his head come and go. The elf cupped his cheek and nodded sadly. “It seems that the Anchor has awoken a latent power from your Dreamer blood. As I said, I saw this before in an agent of Dirthamen named Eolasen. The spirits called it _Sildearal’soun_ and it means _to feel great emotion_. You can feel it can’t you? Your eyes…they say much now.”

Josh merely nodded and took in the feeling of despair Solas radiated. He took hold of Solas’ slender fingers and kissed at them tenderly and shook his head vigorously.

“Oh… _nas’falon_.” The mage smiled as Solas ran a finger over his Marked hand shook his head sadly. Josh saw Cullen appear but made no effort to pull away from the elf as the Commander approached slowly, his sadness quashed and a smile on his face as he settled on the vacant end of the bed and hugged at Josh’s chest. The Inquisitor could feel that Branson wasn’t feeling fearful anymore so he welcomed his lover’s touch and turned to Solas and pointed to the Mark. “Do not despair for me. You are not responsible for this. Corypheus is.”

“You are too young for this. I wish you were not burdened with so much at such a tender age.” Solas smiled sadly as he pulled away and moved over to the trapdoor with a silent gait. “We will make the Elder One pay for all the pain you feel, _nas’falon_.”

“We will.” The mage nodded and watched as Solas left. He let out a small whimper as Cullen licked at his neck and kissed there tenderly. “C-Cullen…”

“You are too good for us. So empathic and so…gentle…I sometimes doubt your mortality and think of you as so much more than mortal.” The former templar sighed as he pulled away and stroked at the mage’s cheek. “What Solas said…I am ashamed that I never asked you how old you were.”

“Would my youth bother you?” The Inquisitor asked impishly and giggled when Cullen flushed a bright red.

“Only because I never thought to ask- My love for you will never diminish. I promise you that, Josh.”

“I…am nineteen summers old.” Josh breathed as he kept in the pain he felt and managed to smile slightly. The look of confusion on his lover’s face made him titter loudly. “Oh don’t look so shocked.”

“I am. You…seem older; at the very least your acumen makes you seem such. At what age did you become First Enchanter then?” Cullen asked as he took hold of Josh’s Marked hand and kissed along his palm lovingly.

“Sixteen summers. Knight-Commander Hale was quite impressed by my Demonology and being a Knight-Enchanter helped. Senior Enchanter Lydia was the one who really pushed for it. From what I understood, they needed someone who was cool-headed and empathic to both sides, Mage and Templar.” The mage grinned as Cullen reached for his chest eased a hand under his tunic. Josh let out a low moan as Cullen began to stroke at his chest with a leer.

“So young…”

“I was the youngest First Enchanter ever elected after Madame de Fer.” Josh murmured as Cullen moved closer to him. He sighed as Cullen retracted his fingers and clasped them in the mage’s Marked hand. Josh then heard the garden bell chime five times and gave Cullen a horrified look as realization struck him. “The tourney- I forgot….I…need to…”

“Calm down, Josephine and Leliana have postponed it to tomorrow.” Cullen kissed at his knuckles and the mage giggled when Cullen shook his head as he sighed deeply. “Maker…you are worse than a Mabari at times.”

“I am _your_ Mabari but…” Josh looked at sadly at his lover and grimaced. “How is Branson?”

The Commander looked at Josh incredulously and Josh could see that Cullen was not happy with having to apologize to his younger brother but inwardly Josh was so proud of his lover for being the better man.

“He’s doing fine.” Cullen then gritted his teeth and snarled as he pointed to Josh. The mage felt his heart pound as he took in Cullen’s raspy voice and his fervor for their love. “Let me be clear on the matter, Joshua. I love you. No one will ever change how I feel.”

“But Cullen…I can’t be the wedge between you and Branson…” Josh cried but was interrupted as Cullen roughly kissed him and bit softly at his upper lip, making him moan onto the kiss. Cullen ended the kiss and gave Josh a roguish grin.

“I love you.” Cullen then pulled away and stripped off his armor and placed it on a vacant chest of drawers. He untied his tunic’s collar and he placed the mage’s Marked hand over his chest. Josh yelped at the heat Cullen’s skin had. He settled his palm over the toned chest and Cullen wrapped his hands around the marked hand. Josh then felt it: that _lub-dub_ of which every living being had and it felt amazing to feel Cullen’s heartbeat under his palm. “Feel it. Feel how my heart beats only for you. Feel how my heart quickens only for you. Feel my heart and know that it will never belong to anyone else but _you_ , Joshua Lavellan-Trevelyan. I love you!”

“Oh…Cullen. I love you so much!” Josh gave him a happy look as he kissed the Commander’s cheek and didn’t move his palm from the lion’s chest. With his free hand, he traced Cullen’s jaw and he smiled. “M-Maybe I need to spend some time with your brother, show him that I’m worthy of you-“

“You doubt your worth? _I_ am not worthy of _you_.” Cullen growled as he removed Josh’s palm and clasped his fingers in it with a haughty beam as he shook his head comically. “Ugh…I don’t want to think about Branson. So…since seeing the tourney has been postponed, you have the rest of the day free, right?”

“I do…yes. W-What about you?”

“I’m free as well. Would you like to walk the battlements with me, my love? Sulahn is with Sera and Mia for the rest of the day. Our daughter was the one who asked me to…be with you. She wants…me to take care of her ailing _babae_ and not to worry about her for the time being. I’m inclined to agree with her.” Cullen tied up his collar and extended his hand to the Inquisitor after throwing on a dapper grin. Josh took it eagerly, inwardly marveling at his daughter’s thoughtfulness and allowed Cullen to help him spruce himself up somewhat despite his choice of attire: a thick grey tunic and creased black slacks that he normally wore only in his tower on lazy mornings. Cullen gave him his red and gold overcoat and fur pauldrons just to make sure that Josh wouldn’t get cold. Josh was touched by his consideration and relished in the feeling of wearing a garment of his Commander’s. It was a tad too big and got a few stares from passersby but he didn’t care. Josh loved it as it carried his lover’s delightful musk.

He spent the day with the Commander and they ended up seated at the unfixed battlement beside the barn and stared out into the distance, enjoying the feeling of Cullen’s brawny chest flush against his back. They revived their habit from Haven of speaking about anything and everything and Josh found himself flushed for most of the time he was with Cullen as he recalled how shy he was at Haven of the man who now held him tightly to his chest.

At one point, Josh ended up asleep on top of Cullen. They were back in the mage’s tower, sprawled out on the couch in his laboratory. Josh lifted himself gingerly and he almost let out an _Aww_ when he saw how handsome Cullen looked in his sleep. He resisted the urge to claim Cullen’s kissable lips and started the fire to heat up some water to make tea. He glanced outside, through the slit behind the couch and saw that it was still nightfall. It was confirmed when the chantry garden bell chimed eleven times.

When Cullen awoke, Josh greeted him with a wide grin and a look of love and admiration in his eyes as he watched the Commander yawn and stretch his relaxed muscles.

“I have to admit…I was tempted to kiss you.” Josh approached with a cup in each hand. Cullen lifted himself, and then took the cup offered to him with a nod. He brought it to his lips for a sip and then set it aside with the mage’s cup and watched as Josh crawled beside him onto the couch and clung to his heavier form. “You look so peaceful in your sleep.”

“I am at peace when you and Sulahn are around me.” Cullen placed a kiss on Josh’s mouth and licked at his lips. The Knight-Enchanter granted him entry with a groan and relished in the feeling of the tongue that moved against his own. The Commander smiled devilishly as he pulled away and nuzzled Josh’s cheeks with his beard and took a small, playful lick at Josh’s Marked hand and grinned while Josh blushed. “You taste as good as you look. Your Anchor especially…it tastes like honey.”

“Good thing then that only you get to of taste me.” Josh chuckled as he settled beside Cullen and they drank their tea together. When it was done, the mage shifted the cups to the basin he installed for his alchemy. He then returned to the Commander’s side and hugged that his Commander’s chest as Cullen lay on his back and beckoned his mage to lie on his chest. Josh did so eagerly and within a few minutes of snuggling, the ex-templar was fast asleep and snoring slightly as the Inquisitor lifted himself off the larger man. Sleep eluded him as he gently pulled away and stood over the couch.

Josh felt his breath catch in his throat as he took in how adorable Cullen was while sleeping, once again the idea of kissing his lips entered his mind but he decided against it. He sensed that Branson was quite worked up. He sought to calm the man and to make things right by him.

In order to survey the condition that Branson was in, Josh used his magicks to take the form of a raven to get to the gardens where Cullen’s brother often lingered. The soldier was calm but somewhat confused, Josh could sense that but he didn’t want to take any chances. Once he flew to the gardens, he assumed the form of a black cat and remained hidden in the shadows as he followed the soldier.

When he caught sight of Sera playing with Sulahn, inwardly giggled when Branson retreated into the chapel. He saw the man spy on the giddy elf as she ran about with his beloved daughter and the soldier’s own son, who joined in the fun with Bethany and Mia. Josh nearly jumped when he sneaked inside the room as the soldier himself jumped from shock when Mother Giselle appeared from beside the statue of Andraste.

“You are Commander Cullen’s brother.” The revered mother spoke as she lit a few scented candles and spread them around. The mage managed to slip into a dark corner and settled down comfortably as he watched the soldier glare at the older woman. “I heard what happened.”

“You did?”

“Skyhold is massive, but you would be surprised how fast gossip spreads.” Josh nodded inwardly at that fact. He knew first hand from the rumors that spread about him and Cullen when they first started their relationship.

“Then you know why I am angry with my brother.” Branson said as he approached the old woman who stopped her tasks and gave him a grave look.

“I do and I think it is foolish of you.”

“Foolish?” Branson gave her a mocking glance as he moved over to the statue and pointed zealously. Josh himself was surprised to hear the Revered Mother’s view. It made him smile somewhat. “You are a servant of the Maker, Revered Mother. How can you condone this blasphemous behavior?”

Mother Giselle looked at the young man and Josh noticed that she smiled at his determination, even if it was misguided. The soldier had a fire to him that Josh might be able to tame and aim at the Elder One, but only if he was able to reach out to him and change his mind about his intimate relationship with Cullen.

She went into great detail and explained what happened at Haven; Branson looked awestricken as she told him how Josh gave everyone time to escape with his brother’s help. She then told him of how Cullen carried the injured mage through the snow and kept him alive. The recollection made Josh feel glad for Cullen’s decision to stay with him that day. If the Commander chose not to…Josh would have died there.

The old woman then recounted what happened Adamant and how Josh used blood magic to save the Commander from the Blood Mage Linnea. By the time she got to the part about their jaunt to the fade, Branson looked impressed. Josh however, felt his blood churn slightly. He didn’t like thinking about how he betrayed Cullen’s trust and turned to Blood Magic.

“I understand your unease. There was a time when I was doubtful of their relationship but I saw how the people rally around them and how they rally about each other when in adversity; I cannot deny that they are a force of the Maker.” Giselle gave him a warm look as she pointed to the statue. “Love is beyond good and evil, it is beyond right and wrong. Your brother and the Inquisitor have been through too much to cast it aside now. You know not of the Inquisitor’s suffering, but you do know of the Commander’s anguish. Have empathy, dear child.” 

“I cannot.” The soldier said as he turned away from her with a sad look and at that moment, Josh’s heart broke. He was hoping that the man would have changed his mind a bit but it seemed that he was still rigid in his thinking. “Men should not court each other. It is not right.”

“Ah. I see now.”

“See what?”

“You fear that Cullen is less of a man for being with another man.” Giselle nodded as she touched his shoulder and smiled. That was when Josh truly empathized with the soldier. “I can assure you, the soldiers speak of Cullen with the utmost respect- Joshua as well. The people love them. It is amazing to see them so happy.”

“I…” Branson started but his voice cracked slightly. He shook his head and then Giselle hugged him when his eyes watered. It was the first time the Inquisitor had seen Branson so vulnerable and…spilling over with all kinds of emotions from guilt to self-hatred to even hope.

“Let it out child.” She patted his back and he bawled into her robes.

“Cullen promised me that after Kirkwall that he’d marry the woman of his dreams. He never once showed an interest in men. I married my childhood sweetheart at his behest but she passed away and I am now a widower with a wonderful son but I feel that he has betrayed me by lying with a man.”

“He is a grown man devoted to the Inquisition, the Maker, his daughter and Joshua. I am proud to know that the Inquisitor and Cullen are the one’s leading us against the Elder One.” The Revered Mother said with a small grin as the soldier pulled away and wiped at his tears with his sleeve. “Do you know that Blackwall felt like you did?”

Joshua was baffled by that truth. He knew that some people had issues with his and Cullen’s relationship but he didn’t realize that Blackwall felt that way, especially with how the older man treated him like a younger brother and never brought up the relationship. Cullen’s little brother shook his head with the same confusion Josh had as the soldier turned to face her.

“He confronted Cullen about it in this very room and I allayed his fears.” Her wrinkled lips turned upward into a wide smile as she pointed to Andraste’s statue. “The Prophetess is always thought of as a single powerful woman, but they forget that she had companions who held her hand when she grew too weak to carry on.”

“What is your point?”

“The Inquisitor draws strength from Cullen and the reverse is true. Like Andraste, Josh has a group of people who care for him. They gave him the strength to go on. He is an extraordinary man who brings together diverse groups of people under one banner for a good cause.” Giselle looked at the soldier with a serious look. The allusions to Andraste made Josh very uncomfortable. He didn’t like being compared to the Maker’s Bride…but he valued what the woman believed about him. It was good to know how she felt. “I think you will like the Inquisitor. I know that you respect him, but if you look past the _Inquisitor_ title and if you look at his innocent heart, you will accept Cullen’s love for him. They were made for each other.”

“I make no promises. My sisters are insufferable when it comes to brother and the Inquisitor.”

“…That is quite common." The chantry priest tittered with a smile. “Many of the women of Skyhold are quite infatuated with…them. Ask Seeker Pentaghast if you don’t believe me. She told me that the both of them had overflowing bags of proposals from the nobles of the Orlesian court.”

“Really?”

“Normally, I am appalled by such things but they only have eyes for each other. It is innocent enough and it builds camaraderie amongst the men and women here. The ladies want them; the men want to be them.”

Branson looked at her with an amused look that Josh found to be endearing as he shook his head.

“This Inquisition is weird.”

“It is but it gets the job done.” Giselle smiled at the soldier. She moved over to the door and opened it, and then smiled Jaime and Sulahn being read a story by Bethany as Josh quickly used his fade cloak to dart out of the room. He then hid around the corner as the soldier then left the chapel, none the wiser to his subterfuge.

Josh watched as Branson greeted the Revered Mother and then edged closer to the force mage, reading in a serene tone to Jaime and Sulahn. He stopped at the nearby tree and leaned on it while watching her as she read aloud. He was too engrossed in Bethany to notice the Inquisitor approach with an intrigued expression when he saw the desire and admiration in the soldier’s face. The mage didn’t realize that the soldier liked Bethany. She was a good, gentle woman and perhaps…she would be the one to change his mind and heart.

“May I have a moment of your time, Branson?” Josh asked, snapping the soldier out of his trance. He nodded and Josh led him up to the upper ramparts. He gave the soldier a miserable look as he noticed that his Commander’s brother had his teeth bared and his eyes narrowed. He was ready for an argument but that was not why Josh wanted to see him. “I am very sorry for how the Inquisition has treated you and I assure you that will make sure that no one inconveniences you anymore, I-I hope that you’ve healed up for tomorrow?”

“I have.” The soldier nodded, his anger died down and he gave the mage a sympathetic look. “Are you alright, Inquisitor? What happened earlier…it seemed painful.”

“It was, yes.” Josh admitted as he looked at his Marked hand and smiled sadly. He noticed that the soldier traced the Mark with his eyes and gave him a worried look as the mage gritted his teeth from the pain that occasionally seared his hand as veilfire discharged from the Mark. The Inquisitor then gave Branson a genuine smile, not only because he was happy that Branson was fine, but also he needed to hide the pain he felt. He could not show anyone how much it hurt to know that his lover’s brother hated him. “I…I’m glad that you’re alright. I’ll take m-my leave of you now.”

“Wait.” Branson said as Josh moved to leave. He stopped in mid-movement and looked at Branson with a neutral look. He tried to read the soldier’s emotions and was left confused. A myriad of feelings engulfed his senses as the soldier looked at him with an indecipherable look in his honey eyes. For a moment, Branson looked just like Cullen as the moonlight gleamed off his skin in just the right way.

“Y-Yes?” Josh flushed and the soldier gave him a twisted leer that made the mage look at him in confusion.

“It doesn’t matter how nice you are to me or anyone else, faggot. You will never be worthy my brother’s affection. You will see in time. He will grow tired of you and your _innocence_.” Branson sneered as he folded his arms and the mage felt his heart break. However, he managed to keep his composure and stood wordlessly as the soldier continued with a small titter. “You are no better than a jinxed woman who cannot be with child. You must have entranced him somehow but…it is fine. He will see through you and that day will be the happiest day in my life, because it will be the day he realizes what a wretched man you are.”

“I…I see.” Josh said dejectedly. He then nodded slightly to himself and pointed towards Bethany and the children. “Beth likes chess and she loves theoretical debates along with playful banter mixed in. If you aim to win her heart…I would stray from all talks of Garrett Hawke or Adamant Fortress and focus on being her future.”

 “Why are you telling me this?”

“Not everyone’s wishes come true. I only hope that she falls for you. She needs someone as feisty as you are. Her brother’s death was…damaging to her. She needs someone who could turn her sadness into happiness and I…” Josh nodded as he continued, all the while hiding his pain behind a fake grin. “I believe you are the man for her.”

“Thanks, brother.” Branson nodded with a smile and Josh’s cheeks reddened as he took in the term of endearment.

“You called me b-brother.”

“And there goes the façade.” The blonde grinned as he gave Josh a haughty look. “I see why Cullen likes you. You’re his bitch. You’re so predictable- You might be Inquisitor out here but in bed you’re his bitch. Cullen’s too much of a man to let you control him there.” When Josh heard him, he let out a growl and his flush intensified. The soldier let out laugh as he approached the Inquisitor with a sinister glare. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

Josh didn’t answer and felt tears begin to form. He denied them and gritted his teeth as he felt his mind throb with pain. He looked on as Branson laughed and pointed at him with a sick look in his eyes.

“I bet you beg him to fuck you senseless, Inquisitor. It is so sad- this thing you have with him. It won’t last. Why don’t you just accept that all you are to him is a hole for him to satisfy his lust?!” Josh broke down in that moment. He knew it wasn’t true but to hear it being said by the brother of the man he loved…It was too much. He wept pathetically and moved to flee but the soldier intercepted him and backed him into a corner with his chest puffed out. “Do you cry for him in bed and guilt trip him like this every day? No wonder he feels obligated to remain with you. Poor Cullen! Shame on you, Joshua!”

“N-No! H-H-He loves…m-me.” Josh managed to say as Branson glared at him. The soldier then wrenched him into the wall and gritted his teeth as Josh cried out in pain when he collided hard with the stonework and whimpered. “Please…d-don’t hurt me. I l-love him! I-“

“You do not! Leave him or I will make you leave him!” Branson growled as Josh cried out when the soldier head butt him. He collapsed and tried to get back to his feet as immense pain seared his mind. As the soldier reached for him, he intoned his fade cloak with a yelp and crawled away frantically. He moved quickly and sobbed when he felt the soldier’s heel stomp hard onto his spine. “My brother will see you for what you- Hghh!”

Josh sniveled and heard a loud crash behind him as he felt a tender hand at his chest, pulling him to stand up. He looked at the kind face and was shocked to see Bethany standing in front of him as she sneered and shook her head in disdain. Josh looked behind him and saw that Branson was lying face down on the stone floor with bruises all over his face and body. He realized that she cast her favorite spell according Varric, the _Fist of the Maker_.

“Are you alright?” The force mage asked but Josh was too consumed by the emotions he felt around him to reply immediately. He quickly healed Branson’s bruises and gave the Champion’s sister a resolute look as he nodded skittishly.

“Y-Yes…I was careless and I-I fell. P-Please don’t tell anyone.” The mage cried as he quickly turned into a raven to get away. He flew down to door that led to the main and threw himself behind his throne while the force mage looked for him, shouting his name in concern.

Everyone was busy with the preparations for the tourney so no one was stationed for the night in the main hall. He hid there and cried as he clutched to his lover’s overcoat. He didn’t want to disturb Cullen. He didn’t want anyone to know what happened so he silently wept behind the throne, knowing that no one would think to look for him there.

An hour went by and he sighed in relief as he heard Bethany lie for him but she didn’t downplay what happened to Branson. The mage whimpered as he watched Leliana shake her head angrily as Charter and Argent led the man to the rookery while Scout Jim rushed off somewhere with Jester Florianne close on his tail. As far as Josh understood, Leliana wanted to have a word with him in private with her two trusted agents. He worried for the soldier and could not shake off the feeling of distress and hatred that the man emitted.

Josh however froze when he heard a low voice- A voice he didn’t want to hear as a face he loved with all his heart peeked around the throne and looked at him with a worried look.

“Josh?” The Commander approached and the mage instinctively moved away. He whimpered as Cullen caught onto him and wrapped his arms around the mage with a gasp. “Maker’s breath…what happened to you?!”

“I fell…and I-I didn’t want to bother anyone. I’m sorry.” Josh managed to bawl guiltily and latched onto his lover. The former templar nodded slowly as he settled beside the mage and kissed at his bruised cheek. “Oh…Cul…”

The Inquisitor relished in the feeling of the Commander’s lips on his pained flesh. He kept his composure and made sure not to allow his Mark to act up too much. It took a lot of willpower but he managed to hide the Mark’s bouts of pain as Cullen pointed to the main hall and smiled.

“Come, I’ll carry you back to our quarters, you’ll feel better there.”

“No…” Josh shook his head and the Commander looked at him with worry.

“Josh, you can’t sleep here, where will I sleep then? Sulahn’s with Mia…so I don’t want to sleep alone. Come with me, my love.”

“Please hold me.”

“O-Of course, _vhenan_.” Cullen smiled as his hands coiled around Josh and the mage let out a sigh. After a few minutes of hugging, Josh let out a cry as he felt the Commander scoop him up into his arms but the former templar kissed at his nose and giggled. “Calm down, I just wanted to sit down. The floor’s too cold.”

Josh looked about and realized that Cullen was seated on his throne and that Josh was seated on his lap. He clung desperately to the Commander’s form and got a laugh from the man he loved as the blonde tested the seat by rocking it somewhat and spoke nonchalantly. “Do you think of me as a brutish fool, Josh? I know what really happened in the gardens.”

“Cul…” Josh tried to lie but Cullen glared at him and shook his head.

“Bethany and Jim would never lie to me, Florianne even paid me a visit. Shocking- I know but true. And do you think Cole would pass up the chance to help you? We care about you.” The Commander said sadly and the mage clung desperately to the man he loved and wept. “My love?”

“I am sorry! I want to be his friend! I want us all to be a family! I want to get married and be happy with you once all this is o-over! I want to live with you, Sulahn and your family but…Branson…I love him Cullen. He’s your brother and I just want his acceptance.” Josh sobbed against the Commander’s chest. The larger man nodded and stroked circles along the mage’s neck, making Josh moan every now and then. He looked up at Cullen and expected the man to be angry and admonish him for his efforts to befriend a man who clearly hated him but instead, he saw love-laced eyes and a wide grin.

“Maker…I don’t want you to ever lose your empathy. Maker knows…this world needs more gentle souls like you right now.” Cullen smirked as he planted a kiss on Josh’s forehead. The mage shuddered at the contact sighed contently.

“Am I too innocent?”

“You are.” Cullen said sadly but in the same breath he took hold of Josh’s Marked hand and kissed at his palm fondly with closed eyes. “You are a naïve, overemotional, innocent Maleficar…but I love that about you.”

Josh nodded and giggled when he saw the Commander enjoying the experience of sitting on the throne.

“Do you like sitting here?”

“Very much, my love. I could get used to this, but…” Cullen simpered as he kissed at Josh’s neck and got a moan from the mage. He licked at the mage’s neck and giggled when the mage let out a small mewl of pleasure as Cullen’s ministrations made him forget that he was in pain all the time from sensing everyone’s emotions. “You have this throne and all the power that comes with it…yet we could do so much more that just judgments here.”

“Like what?”

“Like… _this_.” Josh panted loudly as he felt Cullen pull down his breeches and smalls so that they pooled at his feet. He groaned girlishly a moment later when he felt slicked fingers against his entrance, teasing slightly as they brushed his puckered ring. He jumped at the sensation but was kept in place by Cullen’s free hand that eased under his tunic and overcoat, tweaking a nipple between his large fingers. Josh let out an involuntary sigh as his Commander kissed along his collarbone and nibbled at the small of his neck. “May I breach your defenses, my heart?”

Josh nodded, inwardly chuckling as he took in Cullen’s sexual innuendo. The mage however was soon a panting mess as he felt Cullen’s slick fingers penetrating his tight flesh. He realized that his Commander was quite prepared nowadays as he remembered the tiny vial of oil he kept during the ball at Halamshiral. He guessed that Cullen kept another vial on hand in Skyhold that he could use to ravish his mage at anytime. Josh definitely wasn’t complaining.

He took pleasure in the sensations of the former templar kissing his neck and playing with his nipples, all the while relishing in the fingers being eased inside him to prepare him for the hardness that he felt poking him beneath his thigh. Within a few more thrusts of Cullen’s fingers, he smiled at the man he loved and cooed against his warm chest as Cullen pried the hand at his ass out of him, leaving him agape for his lover. Cullen lifted him slightly to pull down his own breeches and chuckled when Cullen’s tip teased at the mage’s muscle.

“T-Take me…please. I…I n-need you…” Josh whispered as the sensations disappeared. His tears returned and he wept as he recounted how Branson treated him but Cullen would not allow him to lament. The Commander hugged firmly at his chest and kissed at his neck, a growl on his lips as he grinded slightly against the mage but did not enter him. Instead, Josh yelped as Cullen slipped his cock along the sensitive outside of his entrance, making the mage gasp excitedly as he tried to remain composed lest someone heard them and found them rutting on the throne. “Hha…”

“When you are near, you tell me. I will give you time to calm down and then you tell when you’re ready for me, but try to keep your voice down. We don’t want to wake up Madame Vivienne or anyone else now do we?” Cullen tittered as he lifted the mage on his lap effortlessly and grinned when Josh moaned when he felt the Commander aim his weapon for his entrance but didn’t enter him yet, probably because the mage hadn’t answered him. He could never get over how large Cullen was, nor could he wrap his head around how something so large could enter him and not impale him completely and tear at his flesh but it _did_ fit. Perfectly in fact, almost like Josh was made for Cullen and only him. The mage could never remove that thought out of his head. Josh nodded to the Commander vigorously as he felt the large, flared tip push inside him and fill his heart and mind with immense pleasure.

“Ahhh!” Josh cried in a hushed tone as Cullen licked at his neck and bit down. He eased the mage down on his length and Josh was filled with rapture but the Commander stopped moving. He covered Josh’s mouth quickly and the mage tried to speak but ended up moaning barely audibly as Cullen quickly sunk his whole length inside and began to thrust into him, albeit it slowly and lovingly as Cullen caressed his back and neck with his large fingers.

That was when Josh heard it beneath the sound of his racing heart and understood why Cullen slowed down. He heard Josephine speaking to someone whose voice he did not recognize. From the look Cullen gave him, it was someone the Commander knew. However, Josh was rapidly losing his focus to listen to the conversation as Cullen began to roll his nipples between his fingertips and rolling his hips to thrust deeper inside him.

“…quite so, King Alistair. We look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Shall I escort you to your room? Your ride must have been tiring from…”

“…you, Lady Montilyet. Please send the Inquisitor my regards and let him know that I will…”

“Nhhh….” Josh tried to moan but it was stifled as Cullen shook his head and remained completely inside as footsteps approached from behind the mage. He closed his eyes in fear and felt his feelings engulf him as before with Branson. The tears ran down his cheeks and Cullen lapped him up quickly as the sounds of the pairs voices moved up towards the noble quarters near Alara’s room. Cullen let go of his mouth and shook his head again as Josh clung to him, still firmly hilted to his Commander as Josh took in the sorrow he had and the beautiful sound of Cullen’s energetic heartbeat. “Oh Maker…your heartbeat…so calming-“

“Tell me w-what you do when you miss me out in the field.” Cullen said he resumed thrusting. The mage let out a breathy moan as he clung to Cullen and looked at him confused. It was when Cullen looked at him adamantly that realized that the former templar wanted him to forget his heartache with regard to Branson for the moment and savor the feeling of being together. He nodded bashfully and traced the Commander’s scar with a few kisses.

“I…have a pillow that I hug at night when you’re not around and I u-used to hug said pillow even before I met you. When I lust y-you too greatly…I used to imagine that pillow to be you, warm, gentle and loving as I would grind against you. The sheer thought of being in your arms undid me every time.” Josh confessed as Cullen nodded to him with reddened cheeks and grinned as he hit Josh’s sweet spot. The mage gasped and shook his head. “No more! I’ll come if you carry on.”

“Do you know what I used to do once I fell for you and kissed you on the battlements?” Josh shook his head in befuddlement as Cullen pulled out and allowed the mage to rest on his chest to briefly rest. The mage purred as he felt Cullen stroke his cheek lovingly and they brought their foreheads together after a short while when Josh was ready to be taken again. Cullen slowly edged his hardness inside and growled into the mage’s ear as the Inquisitor clawed at his back. “I w-would imagine you in my bed and I would thrust against the bed, a leaking mess as I moved eagerly imagining you to be there instead until I came on the sheets. Maker…what I imagined and what I feel now…I would not trade the world for how you make me feel.”

“Ohhhh…Cullen.” Josh breathed as Cullen finished speaking and began to thrust in earnest, the sound of their flesh hitting each other echoing out into the night. He gasped as Cullen kissed at his neck and brushed his stubble against the mage’s enflamed skin,

“I…am near…” Cullen breathed. Josh nodded and confirmed that he too was near and eagerly began to hold onto his Commander and roll is hips into the larger man’s thrusts to push him deeper inside. He felt his loins flare up with heat and he let go of his inhibitions. Hotness erupted from his tip all over Cullen’s body, his insides hugged tightly against the Commander as his thrusts became more and more erratic.

Cullen moaned into Josh’s ear as he unloaded wave after wave of thick, wet warmth that made him quake from the movement of his cock inside the Knight-Enchanter, violent shudders that made Josh’s own orgasm draw out longer than ever. The mage shuddered as the man he loved began to slow his thrusts but didn’t stop spurting inside him. He let out a girlish whimper as he felt his insides overflow with the Commander’s warmth and he hugged at his chests as he felt it slide down his skin, onto Cullen’s thigh and onto the silken seat of the throne.

It took a good few minutes for Cullen to stop coming but he did pull out when he felt that he wasn’t going to eject anymore; Josh kissed at his scar and sighed deeply as the spunk dribbled out of him onto the throne and probably onto the stone floor and the cloth that pooled there as well.

“I love you, Cullen.”

“I love you too. Please use your magic to clean us up. There are no towels nearby…” Cullen flushed as the mage nodded. Josh intoned ice and gathered up the seed and sweat inside a small orb of frost that he would dispose of once in his quarters. He kept it in hand as Cullen lifted him and took some time to pull up their breeches. Cullen then kissed at his mage’s neck and smirked. “You did well today.”

“Thank you, love.” Josh reddened as Cullen made sure that they were fully dressed and that the throne was spick and span. He then carried Josh bridal style towards the rotunda and towards his tower, making Josh look at him flustered. “C-Cullen…where are you taking m-me?”

“For round two. We’re not done yet.” Cullen growled.

The Inquisitor gulped but then realized that he didn’t feel so overwhelmed by everyone’s emotions anymore. Somehow, Cullen’s presence and love made it such that he felt only the Commander’s and his own and he reveled in the feeling his Commander brought to his heart. Josh was addicted to the former templar and he didn’t mind.

 

 

\---

 

Cullen chuckled inwardly as Neria cursed to herself while she brandished her staff, and then cast a _Glyph of Repulsion_ on the flagpole. The Commander nodded to her as he rushed into the barn to intercept Cassandra beneath the cheers and the shouts of the crowds lining the ramparts. He knew that Harding was on the roof of the barn with her bow aimed at Dorian, who ended up seated with Rosalie, taking about books much to the Commander’s irritation. Dorian was on their team, but Cullen was considering offing the altus. He let it slide when he spotted Cole dash past Neria and quickly returned his attention to Cassandra.

“Stop him!” Cullen cried as he blocked a blow to his midsection and intoned fire to make Cassandra flinch, she did so and he stuck her in her chest- her lifeward shattering instantly. She nodded to him as she moved over to the sidelines to watch while Cullen searched for the elusive Spymaster who was hidden somewhere in the barn.

“Don’t worry, Templar.” She gave him a smug look as she brought down her staff hard on the rogue’s head after he was blasted prone by her glyph. Cullen giggled when he heard the healer comfort a scared Felissa, who happened to be grouped with them. “We have your back.”

Cullen heard an arrow loose and quickly deflected the arrow with his shield. He then moved to climb the stairs but was promptly tripped by a wire. He quickly rolled to his feet but felt his lifeward shatter as an arrow struck his neck with searing pain and was quickly retracted.

“Bad luck, Commander.” The Spymaster winked as she disappeared into the shadows as quickly as she appeared. He nodded and resigned himself to watch from the sidelines with Cassandra as he wiped the blood from his neck.

“You fight like a high dragon now, Cullen. I wasn’t expecting the flames.” The Seeker smiled slightly. The Commander nodded in thanks and watched as Neria threw up a barrier while Leliana darted out from the barn with daggers trained for her neck. The ex-templar saw a last moment flare of light as Dorian appeared next to her, in quickened motion as he pushed Leliana back and blasted away her with his _Flashfire_ spell. He realized that he just witnessed Dorian use the time magicks that Josh spoke so glowingly about. He then grinned at Cassandra as she gasped at what happened to Leliana. “Oh Maker!”

“I…was not expecting _that_.” Cullen admitted with a small laugh as he watched Morrigan sprint towards their flag.

“Get the flag, I’ll cover you!” Harding shouted as she unleashed a barrage of arrows towards Morrigan, the witch cackled as she transformed into a swarm of bees, a form that Josh wasn’t able to mimic yet but the movement astonished Cullen as he watched the swarm sting the dwarf scout into a stupor, but didn’t shatter her amulet as the archer managed to use a few fire bombs to disperse the insects.

The swarm then moved over to the flag, lifted it effortlessly and carried it upward, cheers abound as it moved. Dorian gritted his teeth as he tossed a fireball and missed completely. Neria then, jumping over a few bags of sand and hay, reached out and purged Morrigan’s mana with _Mana Clash_ , a spell that Cullen remembered from Kinloch Hold whispered amongst the apprentices and a rather foolish Senior Enchanter named Leorah. It was a spell that a select few, trusted mages learned on the basis of protecting the Circle from apostates if the Templars were unable to.

It worked a lot like how Cullen and the rest of the Templars pulled mana from mages but had one difference: It attacked directly at the mage, replacing the lost mana with proportionate pain. The witch fell down to the ground with the flag under her as she screamed. She clawed to her knees and tried to run but Neria jumped on her back and held her fast as the witch crawled.

“Let go of me fool!” Morrigan hissed as she kicked the healer off her but Dorian was quicker, thankfully. He intoned a fire mine while they were busy and the witch ran into it with a terrified scream as she dropped the flag. Cullen almost moved to help her but Cassandra reminded her that she would be fine as the _Lifeward_ would simply heal her to full strength and break, just as his own did. He then turned his attention to the warden and altus and let out a snarl.

Neria in a moment of weakness grabbed at Dorian with her fingers and hugged him. She then high fived him while he gave her a winning grin as he played with fire in his hands at their impending victory, until Harding loosed an arrow and pointed in anger behind them while Cullen shouted to goad on the underdog. Neria turned and gasped as she saw Rosalie pick up the flag frantically, hitching up her skirt to sprint while her brother pumped his fist in delight.

“Dorian!” Neria shouted as she hitched up her robe to run after the Commander’s sister. Dorian let out a blast of flame but the archivist was too quick for him. She rolled and settled down in front of her flag and set down the enemy’s flag, garnering a loud roar from the spectator’s and Cullen. Josephine announced their team’s win and the healer gave Dorian a heated look while Cullen approached with an amused look as he winked quickly at his sister who flushed deeply.

“Don’t look at me, Warden-Commander. You were getting all emotional, you made me lose concentration.”

“I did not!”

“Relax. We did our-”

“Shut up Cullen!” Both mages snapped as the templar gave them neutral looks. He then shrugged and trudged his way back up the steps to where Josephine was as the next group came out. It was Alara, Belle, Merrill, Barris and Mia versus Dalish, Solas, Krem, Helisma and Fiona. Cullen settled down into the stool beside Josh and the mage kissed his cheek.

“S-Seventh round- Not bad, _ma vherain_.” The Knight-Enchanter grinned as he took Cullen’s hand and laughed. “I was hoping to meet y-you out on the battlefield.”

“As was I, but it seems that little Rosalie is quite the quick thinker.” Cullen blushed as he took the cup of ale Josh offered him and swallowed the drink to drown his sorrows. He remembered Josh amending the day prize into a weeklong prize with the person of your choice. He wanted to be with Josh for a week, alone. It would give them some time to just enjoy each other’s company, amongst other things. “I wanted to spend that week prize with you.”

“My team could still win- If Branson allows us to.” Josh cringed at the man’s name slightly and Cullen gave him a worried look.

“He isn’t causing trouble, is he?”

“Besides coming between us at every opportunity he gets? Not really but I…worry about him. I’ll be right back. My cup’s empty.” Josh snarled as he downed his ale and got up to get more. Cullen savored the taste of the _hors d’oeuvres_ that Josephine managed to get from Orlais for the occasion as he ate a few and smiled to himself as he watched Neria catch up with Alistair, Leliana and Morrigan.

“Chatting about little old me?” Branson snickered as he slid into Josh’s seat and looked at his brother rebelliously. “I’m touched.”

Cullen was about to speak when he saw Josh give him a sad look and he walked by with his ale towards Neria and sat with her and her former companions.

“Did something happen between you two?” The Commander asked as he feigned a curious glance between the mage and the soldier, he knew all too well what happened but he wanted to see if his brother would tell him the truth or not.

“We cleared the air somewhat. Good to see he’s staying away from you.”

The former templar slammed his fist down on the table and gave Branson a glare that made the soldier feel uneasy. Cullen’s normally amber eyes glowed like hot irons as he took the younger man’s hand in his and pushed his fingers against the soldiers hand. Branson let out a low cry of pain as Cullen crushed his fingers. He knew Josh would heal them later then it was his turn to fight, so Cullen really enjoyed crushing the bones and hearing the sick crack they made as he applied more pressure.

“If you don’t stop this nonsense, I will break more than your bones.” Cullen got up from his seat and took his tankard in his hands. He leaned down over Branson’s hand and brought the tankard hard down on the crushed fingers making the soldier curse in pain. “I will make you suffer. This is our home- our Inquisition and Josh- he is _mine_. If you do anything to sabotage what we have built, I will end you.”

“You would kill me?”

“I would do worse. I have seen too much, been through too much with that man to let him go just because my brother is a fucked up soldier with no empathy. You should have stayed in South Reach, Branson. Jaime, Mia and Rose are welcome anytime. You are not wanted here, _banal-lin_.”

“ _Banal-lin_? Is that elven crap?”

“It means blood _that means nothing to me_.” Cullen cursed as he removed his tankard and moved over to Josh. He sighed sadly as he slid down into a seat beside Josh and heard Bethany approach, admonishing the soldier loudly as she sat down opposite him.

“I don’t like what you said last night to Josh. You’re really mean!”

Cullen wanted to listen more but his attention was pulled towards the table he sat at as Josh the mage pecked his neck and pointed towards a casually dressed Alistair, who smiled quite bashfully as Leliana giggled and led Neria off to the buffet and wine kegs. Morrigan soon followed and left the Commander and his Inquisitor.

“Commander Cullen…it’s good to see you, my friend. We saw each other briefly in Kinloch Hold and Kirkwall. I’m happy to see a fellow ex-templar.”

“You look somewhat under the weather, Your Majesty. Is something on your mind?” Cullen asked with a look of concern. He noticed that the man in front of him looked quite stressed out and pale but he managed a grin and nodded to Josh who hugged at the Commander’s chest.

“Cullen, this is something I’m seriously considering.” The mage smiled slightly and he felt the mage let go of his arm. “After the Inquisition is done with its mission, King Alistair would like me to become his Court-Enchanter and he would like you to become his army’s General.”

“What?!” Cullen asked as he turned back to Alistair and he snarled loudly as Alistair looked at him in confusion. He gritted his teeth and growled at Josh as he glowered at the mage. Josh immediately, lowered his gaze and flushed. “I hope you know that this is a joint decision and not one that I take lightly.”

“I k-know but you…are Fereldan and your King wants you to be his General. How can I not be tempted to accept a position in his court?” Josh smiled as he took hold of the Commander’s hand. The former templar curled his larger fingers around the mage’s and he nodded in understanding. It was a good opportunity for them but…he wasn’t too keen on it yet. He had to think about it for while but relished in the feeling of holding his mage’s hand. “Cullen…I want us to be happy together and I-I only want w-what’s best for us. The King’s offer is a very reasonable one and is close to home- mine and yours.”

“Call me Alistair. I assure you Cullen that I don’t always look so glum. I’ll feel better after I eat from your fine selection of cheese. Oh and let me be completely candid, unlike my dear Anora- I realize that my court needs a mage like Joshua. After Wynne, we haven’t had any luck with replacements. All are lacking but the Inquisitor has a certain…charm about him that we need to ferret out troublemakers. As for you Cullen, I remember the man I saw in Kinloch Hold and I see the man I see in front of me now and I am utterly impressed. We need a man like you to inspire our men. You are already a legend to them, imagine how in high spirits they’d be if you were their General. Also, cheese- there’s never a shortage of cheese in my palace.”

“Forgive me, but I’ll have to think about it, Alistair. I trust you understand.”

“Of course, Cullen.” The King smiled slightly as Cullen turned his attention to the tourney, pecking his lover’s cheek and wishing him well as Josh left for the battleground. The king smiled at him and giggled. “It’s nice to see you happy.”

“Thanks. Neria is quite fed up with me I’m afraid.” Cullen sighed as he looked down and flushed when Josh blew him a kiss and turned quickly to Branson, the soldier’s hand no longer limp so the Commander gathered that the mage had healed his bones back into shape.

“Don’t worry. Spitfire can get like that at times. Stress and such- Leliana and I know her too well. She’s like a mabari, be good to her and she’ll be your best friend. Just make sure she doesn’t bite you. That one’s bite is definitely worst than her bark.”

 “Thank the Maker! I know I’ve been insufferable at times but I’m glad to know that I can do right by her. Her glares are quite horrifying.” Cullen gulped as he turned to ledge and looked down as Josh intoned the entire battleground with ice mines much to Sera’s apparent horror. Bull scoffed as he bee-lined with Sera riding his horns. He tossed her over Alara’s group. As Sera took hold of their flag, Josh fade stepped into Sera and carried her back while Branson caught the attention of Barris and Mia, who attacked with a large ladle of all things. Cullen giggled when he heard Alistair gulp as well and saw him flush deeply.

“Oh yes. She gave me one of those when we had to decide who’d kill the Archdemon.” The King smiled and gave the Commander a naughty look. “So…caboodling with Josh. Zevran liked to try his luck but he was harmless, his playfulness made life on the road quite entertaining. I admit, I am curious though…a manly Templar like you and a soft mage like Josh together- maybe I should consider it.”

“Maybe- Wait, aren’t you married?” Cullen couldn’t hold back the bewilderment in his tone. The King simply grinned and nodded.

“It’s an arrangement we have.” He admitted with a nervous laugh. “We both rule but we sleep in separate beds. I feel like I’m ready to meet someone but I’m not sure anymore about what I’m looking for. You and the Inquisitor…I would kill for someone to love me like that. You do know that if you both worked for me, my court would gush all over you, right? Just as well, don’t want them to gush over me.”

“You’ll find someone, someday.” Cullen nodded and gave Alistair a brief smirk. “The Maker provides for everyone.”

Bull scooped Sera up and rushed through the tempests and entropy clouds Merrill conjured and through the stasis field that Belle cast in his path. Alara intoned her slow arrow and took aim, but Josh was quick- he drained her mana as the arrow came down. Bull took the hit, not before tossing Sera onto the flagpole. The crowd went wild as she stuck it into the ground and shook her hips at Dagna, who was watching from above, hugging herself as Sera rushed up the steps to hug her. Cullen himself rushed down and enveloped his beloved mage, kissing his forehead lovingly in front of everyone and especially Branson. The fucker needed to see that the Commander would _never_ let go of Josh.

 

\---

 

Cullen watched the Inquisitor draw his staff and flick it to break it into its dual wield state as he circled Cassandra after intoning his ice mine field. He saw a sparkle of movement and Josh swiped his hook-blade to deflect the arrow trained at Branson. Cassandra took the chance to lash out with her shield but Cullen saw that his brother was well prepared. He matched her effort and Josh darted behind her with his harpoon, shattering her lifeward. He nodded to Bull as the huge warrior threw Sera onto his shoulders but he was struck by an arrow to his leg and fell like a great bear on his side, making the crowd gasp in horror.

“That’s my Leliana.” Neria purred as Cullen saw the elven rogue scramble to her feet towards the flag. Morrigan in toned _Winter’s Grasp_ towards Sera but she shrieked when Josh tried to drain her. She formed into a murder of crows and flew towards her flag as Josh followed suit in his wolf form.

 _“Damn you Trevelyan. I respect you but I must save my brother from committing even more transgressions at your side. You are a poison to him.”_ Cole said it with anger in his voice that made Cullen cringe as he took in the fact that it was his brother’s hatred. He turned to the former-spirit with a look of horror as the rogue returned to the match in a flash of movement. “Poison? He is the poison. They both love you, Josh is covered in roses but Branson is filled with venom.” The Commander then looked at Neria who had the same horror on her face as she covered her mouth.

Cullen looked at Neria with sadness as he shook his head. He saw countless times during the match that Josh put himself on the line to protect Branson, whether it was from blade, spell or bow- Josh used his skills to ensure that Branson remained in the match, unscathed and safe.

“If this continues, you should let him go.” Neria moved over to Cullen and placed a hand on his shoulder. Her hostility to him was gone as Cullen that she realized that Cullen’s life was currently hell. To have a sibling hate what you are- something that you cannot change and the fact that they are unyielding in their one-sided hatred- it made the Warden-Commander winch noticeably. “The Inquisitor is one in million. Your brother is a fool.”

“I never imagined that I would have to choose between the man I love and my own brother.”

“I never imagined that I would survive the Archdemon and yet here I am.” She gave Cullen a heartening look as she looked at him. “Life happens to us all. It’s unfair but it happens. I’m a healer Cullen. I don’t fight, I help others. War is the last place I expected to find myself and here I am again- at war. Now with myself.”

“Thank for being here, Neria. It’s helped.”

“To get over me?”

“Amongst other things. I embrace who I am. I love Josh. It is simple. I love him and only him. I see beyond his sex and I see a soul that I love.” Cullen smiled as he extended his arms to the healer. She at first hesitated but soon gave in and hugged at his chest.

“Have no doubt that if I was into men, I would have returned your feelings but I am happy that I don’t. Josh loves you completely. It’s like he lives for you and Sulahn- like each breath he takes is for the both of you.” Neria gave him a flushed beam. “I envy the purity of his heart. He…is no older than I was when Duncan took me from Kinloch Hold.”

Cullen heard the crowd let out a gasp as he looked down to see Morrigan and Branson sprawled over Leliana’s group’s flag. Sera and Cabot were knocked out and Rosalie was too tired to move after Bull rushed her down with his last strength. 

Josh let out a deep howl as he clawed at the witch to help Branson and turned into his wolf form. He then ripped the pole from her tired hands. Leliana notched an arrow as Josh ran, Cole appeared in front of him but Josh dove between his legs and tripped him. The bard fired her arrow without realizing her error and Cole ended up with his amulet shattered. As Josh was about to reach his flag, Leliana loosed her arrow and it pinned his paw to the ground with a deafening howl. Cullen watched in horror as he reverted to his human form, his howls turned into screams as Leliana aimed one final arrow with a smile and sent it the Inquisitor’s way.

The Commander forced himself to look but what he saw made him smile and cheer like a maniac. Josh dissipated into thin air and Leliana doubled over in pain as the Knight-Enchanter reappeared beside the arrow she fired. He picked up the flag with an exhausted look and leaned onto his staff as the crowd broke into a roar of applause and clapped feverishly when he handed the flag to Branson, who set the flag down with ragged breaths. Cullen realized that Josh used the Bloodlock on Leliana as he intoned his ice mines.

Josephine asked everyone who fought to return after an hour to refresh them, it was already nightfall and Neria stood beside Cullen as Josephine addressed the crowd that gathered around her and the winners of the tourney. There were long congratulatory speeches from nobles and Josephine alike until she turned to the team and approached. She moved towards Josh but he waved her off and asked her to come to him last as she already knew who he wanted to spend the week with.

“Now, who are you spending your week with, The Iron Bull?” She moved to Iron Bull first, he shot Dorian a grin that Cullen found heartwarming to behold.

“With my altus of course!” Bull chuckled as Dorian blushed. The Chargers let out a rallying cry as Bull flexed his arm and many woman, even some men swooned at him.

“What about you Sera?”

“Widdles! Who else? This is gonna be tits, innit!?” Dagna blow-kissed her as she spoke and Sera ended up with reddened cheeks.

“Okay…Cabot?”

“Dalish, the mage from the Bull’s Chargers.”

“W-What?” The elf looked utterly horrified but Krem whispered in her ear and the elf bawled at him. “I’m NOT a mage!”

“Branson Rutherford?”

“I thought about it and I know that I want nothing more than to spend time with my beloved brother.” The Commander saw Josh turn the moment he heard it. He gave the soldier an unreadable look as Branson continued with a civilized grin. “Would you allow me the opportunity, Inquisitor?”

Cullen watched as Josephine looked at Josh. He looked like he was deep in thought for a brief moment. The Commander had gritted his teeth and felt like he wanted to tear his younger brother apart.

“Who am _I_ to object? I would like to give my choice to Neria then as I’d prefer to devote my time to work and my daughter. The Warden-Commander is leaving soon and I would like her to enjoy her last week at the Inquisition. Please excuse me. I have paperwork to get to. Thank you all for participating- we should do this again sometime soon.” Josh said as he turned to leave and Cullen followed after him with hurried steps and a look of concern. He heard Mia and Rosalie begin to argue with the soldier but Cullen’s sole concern was comforting Josh and not how his sisters scolded his heartless brother.

However, what had him utterly disturbed was the scream of pain Josh emitted the moment he closed the door.

“AAAAHHHHHHH!”

He looked frantically and darted to Josh’s hunched body, grabbing at flesh to comfort him but Josh curled up into a tight ball of tears and screamed out again. Only this time, Cullen saw the cause.

Josh’s Mark was reacting violently, spurting out wave after wave of veilfire that lit up the room as Cullen tried his utmost to pull Josh into his arms. The mage’s limbs relaxed as Cullen’s coiled around him and kissed at his neck and cheek. The mage’s face was covered in tears that streamed down his handsome face as his wept sadly while shaking his head.

“I-If he wants you…your brother can h-have y-y-you!” Josh whimpered as he pushed as Cullen’s hands and ended up lying pathetically against the wall. Cullen moved to grab him but stopped when he saw that Josh looked at him with a look of despair as ice manifested in his hand, ready to be evoked if required. “Go with him. D-Do not hurt him!”

“Josh…please listen to me-“

“We cannot be together, Cullen. I-I am s-sorry! I c-can’t do this!” Josh screamed as he emitted another wave of veilfire that made him buckle slightly. Cullen took it as his chance and slammed himself against his mage as he took in his dejected words and kept his body firmly to the Inquisitor’s as he wept.

“Are you leaving me?!”

“I MUST!” Josh roared agonizingly as Cullen felt the veilfire wash over his skin, pricking his skin slightly as the Mark flared a few times as Cullen’s fingers tightened on the man he loved and he saw the light and innocence in Josh’s eyes disappear as all that remained was his tears of pain. He shook his head as Cullen watched him winch with each pulse of green-fire. “Maker…I can’t live without you, Cul but I must. You must…”

“NO!” Cullen affirmed with a growl and he took hold of the mage’s shoulders and shook him vigorously to bring him back to his senses. He needed his mage to see that it was just a week with Branson. Cullen would return to him and then they would oust Branson from the Inquisition. Everyone else wanted such. The only reason Branson still remained was because of the mage’s empathy. He loved his mage, but sometimes he man had a habit of being too nice and too compassionate. He needed to be selfish for himself, just like how he was during the battle for Haven.

He glared at Josh and watched as the mage settled down, still crying out in pain from time to time but at least he stopped trying to pull away. Cullen kissed at his forehead and cradled his head in his arms gently. “Damn you, mage! I love you! I do not care what anyone thinks about me or you! I need you in my life! Sulahn needs you! Maker take that foolish knave of a brother! I will-“

“I am dying…” Josh cried as he wept. The words made Cullen look at Josh with horror in his eyes and a feeling of despondency fell over his heart as he realized why Josh was doing this. It wasn’t because Josh wanted to leave him. It wasn’t because Josh was fed up with Branson. The Mark was killing him. Josh cupped his cheek and kissed sadly at his lips. “ _Ma vhenan_ …emotion makes my… _aghhh_ …Anchor grow f-f-faster. I am overflowing with e-emotions. I can feel everyone’s anger. Please stop it. Please stop the pain…You’re all killing me faster, you most of all.”

“Me? Is that why…” Cullen then realized something. He now knew why he was sent to Branson the moment the Inquisitor came to, why Josh asked him to see to his brother’s release first and then return. He then looked sadly at Josh as the mage nodded to him and placed a hand on his with a pained grin. “Are my emotions killing you?”

Josh nodded sadly. The Commander felt his breath hitch as Josh kissed at his scar and slowly help the Commander to stand up, all the while hissing in pain as the Mark flared up occasionally.

“Solas knew. He wanted to tell you but I forbade him. I wanted to tell you too but I could not. H-How…. _nhhhhghh_ …could I…tell… _ahhhhnnn_ the man I loved that I w-was dying because of a stupid bloodbond I made with him to protect him?!” Josh wept as Cullen pulled him into a desperate kiss. He tasted Josh and the mage tasted of death and all things wrong as the Inquisitor pulled away from him afterward and wiped at his tears. “ _Ahhhhhh_ …Nothing will change with regards to our _da’ashalan_ , _vhenan_! I c-can take the pain but I cannot watch you wait for me… _aaaghh_ …to die! Please f-forgive me! I love you! Maker…I love you more than life Cullen! You are my l-life...”

“J-Josh…” Cullen reached out for the mage. He yelped when he managed to see a look he saw in Wynne’s eyes as she left Kinloch Hold with Neria. It was the same look his friends had as the blood mages and demons tortured them in front of him. It was the same look his mother had the day Cullen left to begin his Templar training. It was a look of acceptance, of submission to one’s fate and a silent acknowledgement of the Maker’s plans. Cullen then gasped as his fingers phased through green sparks that spirited Josh away.

The Commander slipped down to his knees and began to pound at the floor with his fists, he let out an earsplitting roar in agony that all of Skyhold probably heard as he fought the tears welling up in his eyes but no matter how much he quashed them, they flowed anyway and he realized how much Josh meant to him as a cadaverous emptiness filled his heart.

Joshua was his life. A world without Joshua was a dull world- a world not worth fighting for.


	12. Of Loathing and Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, it is simply better to...forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Wolf King (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell.

Cullen snarled the moment he hitched his horse and took in the bright, grandiose colors of Val Royeaux. He was Fereldan and he was quite used to the simple browns and greens that his home country had but Orlais was too vibrant, reminding him almost of the colorful, venomous toads and snakes that he read about in Skyhold’s library during his free time.

He cringed as nobles recognized him from Halamshiral and tried their luck to get his attention. He had none of it- sending them vicious glare after glare to drive them off as he marched with the rest of his companions. He wasn’t glad to be in Orlais but he was glad to be away from the Inquisition. He could not bear the sad looks everyone gave him and he could not for the life of him stand in front of Josh in the War Room and act like nothing was wrong. He could see that Josh himself was trying too hard to keep a straight face in front of the other advisors and it broke the Commander’s heart to know that Josh still loved him and was having an even worse time than Cullen himself, trying to control his emotions.

At that time, the Commander sparred often with Iron Bull to try and get his mind off Josh and it worked somewhat. The pain the huge man inflicted upon him dulled the heartache he had inside and he allowed himself to let go of his anger by lashing out at Bull as the qunari had told him on multiple occasions that he could take whatever the Commander threw at him. 

They would work up quite a sweat and would sit afterwards on the battlements chatting about the soldiers and possible changes in tactics but he would notice a sad look in Bull’s eye. He told the Commander that Josh always watched from a distance how they sparred. Cullen felt his heart break as he recounted all the times he sparred with the Inquisitor. He knew he would never get a chance to spar with the Inquisitor again, hence, he welcomed the change of atmosphere but not the way noble and commoner alike gawked at him as he minded his own business while the others got the accommodations ready. It was unnerving and only served to bring the man he loved to mind.

Josh had made it very clear on many occasions that Cullen was extremely handsome. The ex-templar wasn’t so sure about that but it was flattering to hear from the man he loved- and many others. However, he considered his good looks to be a curse as it reminded him of what he lost: True love.

The Inquisitor was always on his mind. The mage had managed to entrench himself in the Commander’s heart despite the former-templar’s suffering at the hands of Blood Mages in Kinloch Hold. He dreamed of that wretched time on the first night he spent in Orlais and he ended up screaming as he felt hands at his torso trying to ease him out of his deep slumber. He snarled when he saw honey eyes that he hated that had a look of concern that now made him feel sick to his core.

“Cull-“

“Do not touch me, you piece of filth!” The Commander roared as he pushed Branson backward, off the bed and onto the floor. The soldier gave him a sad look as Cullen growled and pulled at the coverlets to retreat back into the warmth of his slumber. He was however interrupted when he felt the soldier’s eyes on him from above. He opened his eyes and sneered when Branson shook his head in disdain.

“You didn’t love the mage-” The soldier began but was cut short when Cullen leapt out of bed and grabbed hold of his neck, pressing down hard at his air pipe.

“You know nothing of love. You…monster!” Cullen shouted as he pushed Branson against the wall and pinned his body to it with his stronger limbs. “She loved you with all her heart but you used her and threw her away. I tried to make you see what you did. Maker’s breath…She sent me letter after letter of confessions of her love for you but she knew that all she was to you was someone you used! She died from a broken heart and by the Maker…I will never allow Josh to fall on his blade because of you! He is so much better than you!”

“Brother, he is a fool-“

“I am NOT your brother!” Cullen screamed into his face. The soldier looked at him with a look shock as Cullen pulled away and growled. The soldier moved to touch his bare skin but the Commander was quick. He jabbed quickly and relished in the sound of bone breaking as his so-called “brother” screamed out in pain and slumped prone to the floor. Cullen stood over him as the younger man clutched at his nose as blood began to pour out profusely. The sight of his brother’s wounds made Cullen grin. “When we return to Skyhold, you will be banished from Orlais and Ferelden. I do not give a fuck what Joshua thinks. The whole Inquisition will overrule his empathy and we will throw you off the ramparts to your death if you refuse to leave. Enjoy your freedom while you can.”

“You can’t.” Branson said nonchalantly as he stood up and nursed his bleeding nose with a dry rag. Cullen shook his head as he watched the soldier move over to the door and smile, despite the wound he had on his face. “The bitch loves me. He’ll protect me.”

“Only because he’s too naïve and sensitive to see you for what you are.” The Commander snarled. “No matter- You said that you could not tell you son that his uncle is in love with a man. How will you tell him that he’s a product of rape?”

Branson buckled and turned quickly. His eyes widened and his mouth twitched in horror as Cullen approached him and shook his head.

“I may have been in Kirkwall and I may have been…preoccupied with Meredith’s foolishness but your wife was crafty. I got all her letters and I know what kind of man you are.”

“You’re lying.”

“Am I? You could ask Leliana but I think you’ll find that she’ll be more willing to cut your tongue off than speak to you. The advisors know but Joshua does not. He will learn of it however and you will lose Jaime. He doesn’t need a wretched man like you.”

“N-No!” Cullen was taken aback when he saw the look of despair in his brother’s eyes. The soldier’s eyes welled up with tears and he grabbed desperately at the Commander’s arms. “Please…he is all I have.”

“Of Sylvia? Or of your crime?” Cullen scowled as he pushed Branson away and gritted his teeth with an angry glare his way. “Now leave me!”

“But brother-“

“Get out and do not speak to me!” Cullen ripped his younger brother to the door and threw him outside. Before the man could dart inside, Cullen slammed the door shut and locked it. He then padded back to his bed and wrapped himself in the blankets to cover his half-clothed form.

The Commander remained as he was for hours as bells chimed every now and then, lying sadly in a mess of flesh and cloth as he closed eyes to force sleep to greet him with silent, loving kisses that he normally expected from his mage but it would not come his way. He cursed when he readjusted slightly when he felt the blankets stick to his chest. He let out a frustrated cry as he kicked the blankets away and felt the cold air of Orlais on his enflamed, sweaty skin. His mind throbbed as he jumped to his feet and rushed over to the nearby balcony. The soldier had left it slightly ajar and Cullen needed to feel the cold to ease his overheated, clammy flesh.

He let out a sigh as he pushed it open and felt the wonderful cool air at his skin. He took a moment to enjoy his surroundings and actually found that he liked what he saw. The fountains and patches of gardens with their marble statues and birdbaths made him feel at ease slightly as he stood on the balcony. Of course, his mind often moved to Josh. He worried about the mage. He wasn’t in the best state of mind but Cassandra did assure the former-templar that she would keep an eye on him along with the rest of the Inner Circle that remained behind.

What made him worry however was what Solas had explained to him briefly during a quick meal before he rode for Orlais. The elf told him that the accelerated growth of the Mark awakened an intriguing, yet devastating power that lay dormant in the mage’s blood. Suddenly, Josh’s otherworldly empathy and love made complete sense as the elf explained that Josh could feel others emotions. But because of the bloodbond he made with the Commander…the Inquisitor felt Cullen’s emotions the strongest but even worse- because Branson shared in Cullen’s blood somewhat, the mage could feel his emotions strongly as well.

Cullen stood on the balcony for a while and let out a brief sigh but was startled when his door opened suddenly. He moved inside the room and got a laugh from Sera as she entered with a tray in her hand. She shut the door and Cullen shook his head comically as he noticed that she had managed to pilfer Branson’s key. He knew quite well that he would never have given her his key.

“You’re hungry, yeah? I know I am!” The giddy elf grinned puckishly as she pointed to the balcony towards the pair of chairs and the table in the corner. Cullen took in her words and suddenly realized how famished he was as he followed her. His stomach grumbled as he saw her open the tray, reveal piping hot slices of spiced bread, butter, several petite vats of berry jam and a glass flask filled with wine. Sera looked at him expectantly as she slipped into the seat and began to butter a slice of bread. “Come one, Cully-Wully! Smells good innit?”

The Commander nodded, sliding into the seat next to her and proceeded to wolf down the food and drink, when he was done, Sera looked at him with a content look and shook her head as she took in his state of undress and the layer of sweat that covered his skin. He flushed at her gaze but didn’t feel uncomfortable. He knew that she was concerned for him.

“Thank you, Sera.”

“No thanks needed.” She smiled sadly. “That fucker needs my boot in his mouth. Josh-Posh…he misses you.”

“He does?” Cullen asked with a look of concern. The elf nodded and took hold of his hand and curled her thin fingers around his larger hand.

“Wolfy came to me every night after the Tourney. He’d kiss Sula-Wula and come sit with me on the roof. I made some pride cookies. Didn’t like it but Josh didn’t care. He cried in mine and Widdles arms. It’s so wrong innit? He loves you, yeah? Branshittypants…I wanna kill him. Foolish cunt! That fucking arse-biscuit…” Cullen giggled as he saw her rant angrily, he wiped at a tear that fell down the elf’s cheek as she carried on loudly and she smiled as she flushed. “Sorry, Lionheart. I hate him. He hurt my friends.”

Cullen nodded in understanding and relished in the company of his Red Jenny friend. However, she had to leave soon as she planned a romantic night for herself and Dagna. Cullen urged her along, bathed and proceeded to spend some time with Iron Bull and Dorian.

The couple managed to make him smile despite his sadness. The qunari mercenary told him that a noble recognized him from Halamshiral and offered him and the Inquisition a large, private courtyard to train in while in Orlais. At first Cullen had his doubts about the noble but Bull assured him that the woman was genuine and that she had met Josh on his first trip to Val Royeaux. She was an avid supporter of the Inquisition and apparently Bull had heard of her in his Ben-Hassrath reports. Cullen then remembered her, a woman named Belle, nothing like the student Josh took under his wing but just as hopeful for the Inquisition’s success.

The Commander looked forward to sparring with Iron Bull in the week to come but inwardly he felt broken. Sparring was something he and Josh normally did and without the mage to watch the Commander spar against The Iron Bull…it really disheartened the former-templar. He could never let go of Josh. Even if the mage pushed him away for his own good, Cullen could not simply stay away from him and not declare his undying love for Joshua.

Cullen retreated to his room after an eventful night with Dalish out of all people. She managed to coerce him into going shopping with her for a new “bow”. He giggled slightly as he remembered all the times while he drank with Bull and his men that she affirmed that the crystal atop her staff was used for aiming her bow and that it was an old elvhen trick. He also remembered the amused look Josh would have as she affirmed that she wasn’t a mage and he wished to the Maker that he could see that lovely grin the mage had on his beautiful face again.

He snarled as he heard the door open and turned away from his brother as the man settled on the couch after stripping to his underclothes. He tried to start a conversation with the Commander. Cullen simply turned to him and glowered. The soldier shut his mouth and pulled the spare blanket over himself and closed his eyes.

Cullen did the same and he struggled to fall asleep. When he did fall asleep, he dreamed of Kinloch Hold but there was a difference. There was no Neria, no Uldred and no Templars. There was only Josh and he ran each time Cullen tried to approach to comfort him.

When the Commander finally managed to reach him in the Harrowing Chamber, he cried as he saw the mage buckle away in fear. Josh looked at him like a terrified animal as he approached. He made no effort to defend himself but instead curled up into a tight ball of muscle and flesh. Cullen touched his skin and yelped when the mage screamed out in horror and pain. Cullen looked at the mage in confusion as the Inquisitor was dressed in a plain grey and blue robe emblazoned with the Ostwick Circle of Magi. He looked around and gasped as he saw that he was not in Kinloch Hold, but the Ostwick Circle as two old, wizened men- a mage and templar respectively stood near while a kind, gentle mage tended to Josh. A single templar stood near Josh as the youth flailed against a rough hand that lifted him up to his feet. 

The older, female mage that tended to him tried to make the First Enchanter soften his grip on the youth’s arms, even Cullen tried to do the same but found that everyone and everything ignored his presence as the older woman looked dejectedly at the pair as the old man forced Josh to the dais filled with Lyrium.

The Commander cursed as he got the intense smell of Lyrium. It filled his mind with overwhelming pain as he watched, horrified as the First Enchanter forced the youth’s hand over the dais. He managed to hear the mage scream out in fear and anguish as he collapsed to the ground. The older woman was pulled aside by the Knight-Commander while he pointed to the lone templar that stood over Josh previously. When Cullen heard the templar’s name, he buckled slightly. It was Ser Jason, Joshua’s first love, but his face was obscured by his helm as he kneeled at the mage’s side wordlessly and kept his blade over the mage’s jugular.

Cullen settled beside Josh and watched as the mage stirred slightly as he took his Harrowing just as Neria did. He didn’t however notice Neria stir so much as she took her Harrowing. She was rather calm and serene as he watched her but Josh…he stirred as if he was having a waking nightmare. It became worse once the mage began to pant as if he was running from something.

“Strike him down. He has failed.” The First Enchanter called. Cullen and everyone else turned to him with a look of horror. Cullen knew the signs to look for. Other than the mage flailing about, panting and moaning in pain, there were no otherworldly voices, there were no unnatural lights or twisting or assimilation of flesh. He cringed as he watched the First Enchanter grit his teeth and moved over to Ser Jason. Cullen swore he heard the young templar whimper as the First Enchanter snarled at him. “He is an abomination! Kill him Jason!”

“N-No! He’s s-still alive-” The templar cried as he pulled his blade away from the mage. Cullen saw a brief look of relief on the Knight-Commander’s face. However, Cullen turned back to look when he heard the old woman scream in horror. He saw the First Enchanter grip the blade out of the templar’s hand and then there was nothing.

Cullen woke up upset as he pushed out of bed and moved quickly to the balcony. His flesh was flushed as it was engulfed by oppressive heat. He knew that his bed would be drenched in his sweat, so he quickly returned to it once his skin was cooled down. He pulled off the blankets and tossed them into the laundry pile and managed to see Branson sleeping soundly. He briefly considered throwing the fool off the balcony but decided to rather bask in the cold night of Orlais as he knew sleep would elude him now- especially without Josh and Sulahn to ease his mind.

Cullen cursed to himself as he sat on the balcony and enjoyed the moonlight and the wind that moved through his disheveled hair. He didn’t tell Sulahn what happened nor would Josh as the mage was too soft to break her little heart but the ex-templar knew his daughter well, that while she was cute and utterly clever and unassuming…she was a lot like Josh, incredibly astute. She would know that something was wrong with them.

The bells rang out several times and sleep still eluded the Commander. He decided to close his eyes and will himself to rest. He wrapped his arms around himself and inwardly understood Josh’s habit of holding onto Cullen in his sleep. The former templar missed the smooth, soft flesh that his mage had but most of all, he missed the smell of roses that came whenever Cullen pressed his nose to the mage’s neck.

The Commander yawned and smiled when he saw that the sun was beginning to rise. He quickly washed up and made his way to the lower level of the resort. He ordered a serving of veal and a goblet of spiced wine. He ate to his fill and sighed when the waiter and a few others recognized him and pointed someone his way. The man stood in front of him and Cullen snarled as the man slipped into the seat opposite him without his permission.

“What do you want?” Cullen spat as he downed his wine and looked at the man intruding his solitude. The man grinned at him and giggled slightly when the Commander realized who he was.

“Is that how you speak to your King?” Alistair smiled as he waved down the waiter and ordered some food. Cullen flushed deeply as he fumbled with his words and looked down at the table. Alistair took hold of his hand and shook his head. “Don’t worry, Commander. I’m just teasing. Spitfire and Leliana told about everything. I came to see Celine but I’m actually here to speak to you and Branson.”

“Branson? Why him?” The former-templar asked with a hint of venom. The King of Ferelden smiled naughtily as he let go of Cullen’s hand and relaxed into his seat while he yawned.

“I have some business to discuss with him but I’d rather not speak about that now. The Queen’s staying at the Winter Palace. While I do love Celine’s hospitality, I’d rather spend some time with old friends and perhaps…make new ones.” Alistair nodded to him and Cullen noticed a slight gleam in the King’s eyes.

“You want to be my friend? Is this so I accept the position on offer?”

“No- Maker no!” Alistair flushed deeply and the Commander gave him an incredulous look as the man began to giggle to himself. “I…You probably don’t remember me but I remember you. You’re the one who used to try to keep me out of the kitchen duties for all the times I messed up.”

Cullen thought on it for awhile, trying to recall his youth. He remembered a youth at the Chantry he trained at with the same brown eyes and dirty blonde hair, slightly younger than Cullen with an awful habit of getting into trouble with the Revered Mother. He could not believe that that scrawny youth he often helped was the same man in front of him. The Commander let out an astonished yelp as he took Alistair’s hand and shook it in earnest. The motion made the King perk up.

“I *do* remember you, yes!” Cullen grinned as the waiter returned with a bowl of broth and some steaming bread. Alistair offered him some of his food but the Commander expressed that he ate already and that he would be training soon to keep himself in shape. It was a vacation but it didn’t mean that Cullen would slack in terms of him being Commander and his fitness. Jim would arrive later that afternoon with reports that needed his attention and he intended to make Josh’s life as easy as possible by having the scout on hand if he needed Jim for any tasks.

Cullen then scowled to himself. The foolish Jim was becoming a staple in his life, a small comfort to both him and the Inquisitor, even if they weren’t together.

“Could I spar with you?” Alistair asked after he finished his meal and gave the Commander a sad look. “Being King doesn’t make much time to spar, so I’d like to remedy that.”

“I don’t doubt that. Would Anora-“

“Don’t mention *her*. She doesn’t need to know. It’s enough that I have to sit with the woman and act all nice and such but I was looking forward to some time that I could remember what it felt like to make a difference, you know?”

“You mean when you were just a Grey Warden?” Cullen asked and the man nodded.

“Being King is good and all but sometimes I just want to blend into the crowd and remember the good old days. Did you know that I once walked in on Spitfire and Leliana going at it at camp? I walked away as soon as I could but…” Alistair gulped and flushed. “I couldn’t sleep that night.”

“I…uh walked in on them as well. I wasn’t so lucky. Maker’s breath, If Josh hadn’t pulled me away I might have considered joining in.” Cullen confessed as he rubbed at his neck and blushed.

“Thank the Maker for the Inquisitor then.” Alistair smiled as he downed a flagon of ale and snickered. “Sooooo…can I spar with you later? I promise I won’t beat you- too badly.”

“I look forward to testing your mettle.” Cullen nodded. Inwardly, he was thanking the Maker profusely. While Alistair wasn’t Josh, the man knew what he went through and also challenged his ego. He needed to keep his mind off Josh and the King of Ferelden was a good distraction to that end. Maybe in the process, he could rekindle an old friendship.

 

\---

 

Josh was uneasy the whole time he remained in Skyhold. There wasn’t much reason for him to walk his rounds as he wouldn’t get to see Cullen. Even so, he could feel the Commander’s sadness even a country away and it broke his heart.

The Inquisitor tried his best to perform his duties and to keep things as controlled as possible. Once he sent Jim to Orlais with some urgent reports from the Hissing Wastes, Josh decided to send Belle and Cole along with him. Josh wanted them to enjoy their newfound love but also he wanted Cole to be away for some time. While he loved the former-spirit as his own brother…the Knight-Enchanter did not want to hear his own emotions. He had enough trouble trying to keep himself calm hearing everyone else’s emotions.

Josh smiled as he gave Belle a large coin purse and giggled when he saw how happy the girl was for the wealth. He made sure to tell Cole to spoil her rotten. 

He inwardly chuckled when he got the excited letter from Belle a day later of how she, Cole, Leliana and Neria went shopping and how she found a beautiful pair of burgundy boots with a flame orange topaz at the toe and black heels. Apparently Leliana also picked out a rather seductive dress that made the Spirit Healer feel like a queen. Josh nodded to himself. He was glad that the girl was happy. He…He really missed Arlene and Devon. He had no doubt that Belle missed them as well.

Josh sighed sadly as he read a letter from King Alistair. The man had dishonorably discharged Branson from the Fereldan Army. The Inquisitor didn’t like it, but he could do nothing to stop the King. He understood that Alistair cared for him and especially Cullen but Josh couldn’t help but feel bad for the soldier. He didn’t want Branson suffer because of him anymore. He wanted Cullen’s brother to be at peace- but such peace cost Cullen’s…and his own.

The Inquisitor however laughed when he received an angry letter from the Warden-Commander. She ranted over how Branson and Cullen often caught her and Leliana going at it and the thought got Josh hot and bothered. He knew that seeing Neria or Leliana in that way would make Cullen miss Josh’s presence even more as the mage found himself missing his Commander’s amorous gaze, his raspy voice and especially his gentleness when they cuddled at night. He really missed the safety the Commander brought in his life. While Josh was safe in Skyhold and he knew that Inner Circle cared for him…Cullen was the one who really put his mind at ease.

The Commander’s calloused, large hands came to mind and the mage shuddered at the thought of how Cullen would hold him fast to his body, like a beloved gift that he didn’t want to ever lose. He felt his mouth go dry as he remembered how the former-templar’s fiery gaze would settle on his flesh and how his hands would massage the flesh, drawing out all kinds of sounds from the Inquisitor that would make him blush profusely. Cullen on the other hand would titter and lick at his marred neck.

Josh then cried to himself, little did anyone know, but the mage, despite his cold demeanor whenever Cullen’s name was brought up, was really regretting his decision to end things with the man he loved. Without Cullen around, his pain from sensing emotions intensified and he had to often sit with Solas as the elf’s presence and care would alleviate his pain. 

He also found some comfort sleeping beside his little Sulahn but he could tell that she knew. His ability to sense emotion made that very clear but she didn’t have the heart to ask him about it. Instead, she clung desperately to his chest and he would wake up the next morning, his undershirt covered in wetness as the girl slept soundly but with pursed lips. He would kiss at her cheeks and her sadness would disappear but he knew in his heart that he was responsible for it. He shouldn’t have broken up with Cullen, but there was nothing he could do. Even worse, he did it to appease himself and Branson. He could not take it back without the risk that his Mark would flare up and kill him faster.

He dropped her and Jaime off at the gardens as Krem took it upon himself and The Bull’s Chargers to entertain the children along with Kieran who admittedly seemed quite pleased to help keep the other children in check. Josh moved for his tower to retreat inside and was shocked to see Madame de Fer looking at him with an angry, yet poised glare.

“The lower archives, now. I expect to see you there, my dear.” She smiled as she strutted away from him towards the main hall. Josh was about to object but the woman simply waved him off and continued on. He resigned himself to meeting with her in the lower archives. He moved hastily as he wanted to get over with it and wallow in his despair.

The Inquisitor snarled when he shut the door and turned. His eyes closed as he shook his head in derision as he felt the emotions boiling up inside the room.

“Do you have need of me, Madam Vivienne- Oh.” Josh cringed the moment he opened his eyes saw the Inner Circle looking at him, each with varied looks from outright sorrow to intense anger. “I know why you’ve-“

“We have come to a decision.” Cassandra said in a commanding voice as she stepped forward. She glared at the mage, shaking her head as she moved so that she was face to face with Josh. Her glare reminded him of how she treated him when he was still a prisoner but he saw that instead of anger, she had anxiety inside her. He was glad to see that she was concerned for him and Cullen. But he was worried. He didn’t know what decision the Seeker meant.

“What are you talking about?”

“Until we came here, you and Cullen were happy. We simply want that happiness for the both of you.” Mia flushed as she approached. She cupped the mage’s cheek and Josh smiled when he saw the look of love in her eyes as she pointed to the rest of the Inner Circle. He managed to see Cassandra nod as he saw his companions and friends glower at him. Alara moved over to him and hugged him briefly. He was expecting her to lecture him but she simply returned to Solas’ side and smiled sadly as Mia continued. “Maker’s ass! Y-You made my brother happier than I had ever seen him! You are a ray of hope in his life, Joshua. But…you are too empathic. You need to be selfish now and then.”

“I-I know…but I can’t. Branson…he’s in pain too. I…” Josh buckled slightly and moved for the door. He however was cut off by Blackwall who gave him a look of disapproval as he turned the Inquisitor back to the group approaching him. “P-Please…I can’t. I have to g-go…”

“You cry yourself to sleep every night! Do you think Moonlight wouldn’t tell her favorite uncle about it? No- We will not leave you, Grinner. Not like this.” Varric moved over to Josh and pulled him into a hug. The mage dropped to his knees in a moment of weakness as he realized that the tears he felt on his chest each night was not Sulahn’s but his own and began to cry profusely as he clung to Varric’s chest. He felt many hands at his back and shoulders and for once since breaking up with Cullen, he felt safe and loved. 

“It is decided then.” Cassandra declared as she pulled Josh into a hug and helped him to stand up. She glared at the Inquisitor and he flushed as she wiped at his tears and held him firmly. “You are going to Val Royeaux tomorrow or we will relieve you of your duty as Inquisitor.”

“W-What?! No…please I can…”

“You can *what*?” Josh nearly jumped when he heard Rosalie snarl at him. For once, he got to see a very emotional, fierce side to her that shook him to his core as she looked at him in irritation, a look that Cullen often mirrored when the mage did something he did not approve of. “Do not even think. Go to him!”

“But B-Branson…”

“Enough of this foolishness nas’falon!” Solas shouted and everyone looked at him in bewilderment. Josh flushed deeply as the elvhen mage moved over to him and gritted his teeth. The Inquisitor felt an impotent feeling fill his heart as he heard Solas speak to him in a way that he had never imagined. He held back his tears and took in everyone’s helplessness. Solas looked at him sadly and shook his head in derision. “Vherain mala vhenan! Ir danal mar’len!”

Josh cringed as he realized that the elf and by extension, everyone was correct in every way. Cullen was his heart. Being away from Cullen was killing him far worse than being around the Commander and taking in his anger. At least then…he was loved and comforted- no matter how much quicker his death approached. Cullen was all that mattered to him.

“I…I will go.” The Knight-Enchanter stammered, garnering many a smile from his lover’s sisters, his friends and the Inner Circle. Josephine approached and smiled to Solas who nodded to her as she beamed brightly.

“Unfortunately, King Alistair has returned to Denerim as Queen Anora required his assistance with a matter in Fereldan politics. As tomorrow is the last day, you will have to ride quite early to reach before the Commander and the others begin to check out for the journey back to Skyhold. ” Josh nodded to her. He was thankful that Alistair agreed to look after Cullen but he knew that the former-warden could only remain for so long. “Leliana has sent a letter; by the looks of it, Neria managed to pacify Branson so he will pose no trouble. Shall I inform her of your impending arrival? Of course, Cullen will not come to know of it.”

The mage nodded and cursed to himself as Blackwall smiled impishly and kissed his Antivan’s cheek.

“Y-You’ve all been planning this for a while now, haven’t you?”

“Why not?” Bethany smiled and Merrill nodded in agreement with an elated grin. “Cullen was really dour in Kirkwall; when I see how affectionate he is with you, I cannot believe him to be the same man. You changed him. Perhaps I’ll be able to change Ser Branson’s mind about you.”

 “I shall accompany you, Inquisitor. I have *something* that will help with regards to determining the Elder One’s next move.” Morrigan said with a small smirk. Josh nodded to her, slightly confused as she approached from the corner. “’Twas my intention to show it to you *and* Neria so ‘twill be better if I come along as well.”

The mage had no arguments and told Morrigan that he would meet with her at ten bells during the night along with Cassandra who would be coming along as well in case of trouble. He barely made it to his quarters when he heard the loud *clack* *clack* of Vivienne’s heels. He tried to ignore her but a single word from her had him fixed in place as Vivienne scoffed and shut the door. He gulped as she circled him and appraised him with narrowed eyes.

“This simply will not do, my dear.” She shook her head with empathic eyes and he realized that she genuinely cared for him. He saw her cheeks flush as she pulled him into a hug and kissed at his brow. “You are making a mockery of me. Lydia would not be happy to see you sad.”

“I-I am sorry Madame Vivienne.”

“No, my dear- You are like a son to me. I am ever thankful for the Commander’s aid in uncovering the grove and for your bravery in finding the heart I needed. You…could have lied to me. I was not kind to any of you but…you helped Bastien and I still. I respect that, darling.”

“Think nothing of it, Vivienne.” Josh smiled shyly as she pulled away and the Knight-Enchanter led her to sit down with him on his couch. He offered to brew up a cup of tea and she nodded eagerly as he prepared the cups and spices.

“My dear, will you manage in Orlais? I can come with if you’d like. Ser Branson Rutherford would cry if you left him alone in a room with Cassandra, the witch and myself- Dreadful, but necessary for a barbarian like him. To think sweet Rosalie has such a wretched brother…a travesty really.” The Court-Enchanter tittered as Josh returned with a pair of steaming cups. He gave the mage one and sipped the other while slipping into the space beside her with a giggle.

“I would love to have you along for company but…who would keep the nobles in check with you away?” Josh simpered. “I love Josie, but she doesn’t have your iciness, and let us face the facts Vivienne: You could kill a fool with your glare.”

The older woman thought briefly and chuckled.

“Oh darling, you should have told me that you’re this delightful from the start! I simply must take you shopping in Val Royeaux sometime when things settle down. We could find some jewelry and designer coats. Perhaps even a wedding robe?” Vivienne smiled and stood up, she strutted about the room after setting down her cup as if modeling a dress and Josh flushed as she pulled him to his feet and beamed. 

Josh liked the older woman’s features as he traced her flesh with his eyes. Her dark skin and eyes accentuated her elegant, poised visage and he realized that Bastien must have fallen hard for her, just like the Inquisitor did for Cullen. The mage caught onto his stare and smiled. “Come now my dear, do not act coy. I know you’re aching to become Cullen’s husband.”

“I-I do.”

“You could have done better to find a more fitting man for your standing….but I will make an exception for him. Maker- the courtiers couldn’t keep their hands off him at the ball! Empress Celene was quite amused.”

“Oh yes.” Josh flushed deeply as he recalled a conversation he had with the Empress of Orlais after they dealt with Florianne. “She was quite shocked to see how many from her court was taken by his...ruggedness.”

“Yet, he is yours.”

“No. I am his.” Josh smiled as his cheeks burned with embarrassment.

“Is there a difference, darling?”

“He is the King my heart, Vivienne. He could break it a million times and I would still love him.”

 

\---

 

Josh rode that night to Val Royeaux with Cassandra and Morrigan at his side. The witch reminded him of the *something* that she wished to show him and especially Neria before she left for parts unknown. Said *something* was a mystery to the Knight-Enchanter and Josh found himself pondering over it during the ride, the rest stops and as he and the witch hitched their harts and the Seeker’s horse at the stables.

The guards and nobles on the street bowed to him as he walked and he saw Morrigan grin to herself while Cassandra snorted as they entered the central plaza. He also saw Leliana speaking to Butler and sending him off to watch for any Venatori or Red Templar operations in Val Royeaux and the surrounding countryside with his group of agents. 

“I got your raven.” Leliana sent a glare Morrigan’s way and the witch merely scoffed as the former bard turned her attention back to Josh with a worried look. “Neria is ready but w-we have a bit of a situation.”

“Situation?” The mage looked at her with confusion as Leliana led him to the lodge and pointed to the stairs. Leliana caught hold of Morrigan’s hand and the witch snarled but stopped when Josh saw the bard shake her head slowly as her voice gave way. Josh gave them an askew glance as he waited with Cassandra but Leliana motioned for him to continue on alone. “You…must see it for yourself…I can’t…”

“What happened?” Cassandra asked as she approached the spymaster while Josh moved for the stairs.

Josh ascended them and his mind burned with worry as the feeling was everywhere in a room down the balconied hallway. He saw a hysterical Sera rush towards him and she pulled him into a room with dim lighting in the darkness that contrasted the sunlight, the candles barely making any light. She let him go and he saw Cole standing in the corner, shaking like a leaf while covering his ears and Belle caressing Branson’s back as the bruised soldier bawled into his hands.

“B-Branson?” Josh asked and was dumbstruck as a battered up and beaten soldier clung to him for dear life. Josh wrapped his arms around the man and winced when he heard how the man cried solemnly in his embrace. He was about to ask Belle what happened when the soldier pointed to the bed with a shaking hand. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

“C-Cullen...I wake him up every morning. He hates me but he’s there, you- you know? H-He’s not responding! I didn’t wake him up today. N-Neria was showing me the e-errors of my…my...” The soldier whimpered as he pulled away from him and darted outside, crying loudly as Belle followed after him. 

Josh’s mind immediately raced to Cullen. He saw a figure in the bed as he approached; Cullen’s half naked form was curled up into a ball of sweat and tears as he spoke almost silently in a dream-born haze. Neria had her bruised hand on the end table with a look of sadness in her eyes. Cullen’s words were too soft to hear so Cole had to say it loudly.

“Maker forgive me! I desire him but…I love him! He is not Her- He is gentle and beautiful! Please! He was a good mage. He didn’t fail. Don’t kill him! No! Stay away. Stay away! Leave us. Please. The mage is- NO! Fingers in my head- don’t! Don’t rip him away! Anything but that! Take me! No…please! NO!” Josh heard Cole and he fell to his knees in despair.

“Give me some time…with him please.” Josh whispered and everyone obliged and shut the door as Josh moved closer to the man he loved with all his heart. His Mark flared up as he shook his head in confusion- What Cole had said…it didn’t match what Cullen had told him of Kinloch Hold. He wept silently as he balled his throbbing fist that often surged with veilfire. “Oh C-Cullen I…I cannot see you this way. Forgive me vhenan…I shouldn’t have left you. Please…come back to me! No matter what my fears or pains- I love you…”

Josh reached out and caressed the Commander’s overheated cheek. Almost immediately as if awaiting his touch, Cullen’s eyes bolted open and he dove on top of the startled mage. Josh yelped as Cullen straddled him and brought his hands to the mage’s throat and pressed down. The Knight-Enchanter gasped for air as the calloused hands pressed down harder, a feeling of intense hatred and anguish washed over him that definitely matched Kinloch Hold and the bottled up pain Cullen carried about.

“Blood mage!” Cullen sneered with hostility as he looked at Josh with anger. “Maleficar!”

“C-Cullen, p-pleas-e. I-I ca-an’t…br…” Josh managed to croak as he fought against the hands but Cullen was too strong. He tried to cast his Fade Cloak but Cullen drained him of his mana and he felt his muscles go numb.

“I do not know you blood mage, but your kind is an anathema. I will start with you, then every mage!” The former templar cussed as he wrapped his fingers firmly around the mage’s neck and forced the air out of his throat. Josh gurgled for air and looked up into eyes he now feared, seething fire as the Commander tightened his grip further, searing the mage’s neck with his now ensorcelled fingers. Josh screamed in pain but stopped trying to fight for a moment and he felt the blades at his lungs telling him that he would asphyxiate if he didn’t act immediately. 

He closed his eyes in pain then slid his hands to Cullen’s neck and pulled as hard as he could at the necklace he gifted to the man he loved and prayed to the Maker as he felt it break into its halves.

 

\---

 

It was a horrid moment when Cullen found himself over his mage, his large hands at his thin neck pressing down with red hot fingers. He whimpered as he pulled his hands away and looked at the Inquisitor, eyes closed in pain and whimpering loudly as he pulled Josh into a hug. The smell of seared flesh filled the bedroom and the Commander wept as he caressed his mage’s back.

“Maker…I hurt you! Forgive me! Please forgive me my love-“ Cullen cried but he was dumbstruck as he heard the mage yelp. He pulled away and saw that the mage had bitten his own wrist. Horrified, Cullen moved to stop him but the mage disappeared with a scream of agony. The Commander turned behind him and cursed as he saw Josh reappear with a bloodied hand as he pulled on his hood and ran outside, crying as he fade stepped down the balcony.

That was when it dawned on the ex-templar. Josh was afraid of him. He drained Josh of mana and the mage did the only thing he could to save himself: he turned to Blood Magic.

The Commander quickly moved but made sure to clasp the halves of the bracelets to his neck. He was wearing only a pair of breeches as he darted outside. The others looked confused as some tried to stop him but others ran after Josh. Cullen had nothing on his mind other than Josh. He needed to comfort the mage, to assure him that he would never hurt him again. It was a mistake but he knew that Josh would never look at him the same way again.

He hitched his horse as Josh rode his hart past the gatekeepers. He did so as well and made sure to remain close on the Knight-Enchanter’s trail as they moved from the city to the deep forests of Orlais.

Cullen cursed as he approached the Emerald Graves. It was cold, he was barely dressed and unarmed but he didn’t care. Josh was all that mattered and he knew that Leliana would follow along with Neria and a few of her agents to survey the situation.

They rode for a while longer and the Inquisitor had gotten tired, so he slowed down. He seemed to forget that Cullen was following him so the former templar slowed his horse and made sure to remain hidden in the shadows of the forest canopy.

He caught sight of the mage nearing a clearing that seemed similar to the Commander as he had read of such a place in one of the reports Josh wrote to him. He dismounted as Josh did so as well. Cullen let out a sigh of relief as the mage slumped against the gnarled tree at the end of the cliff. He then realized where they were.

It was the Twisted Tree, the place where Josh, Dorian, Cole and Cassandra faced one their latest dragons, a huge frost dragon that Cullen remembered distinctly from his reports as in them Josh used quite a bit of colorful language because his ice magicks was completely useless against the beast. Luckily, he had taken the altus with him and between the spirit blade, Dorian’s pyromancy, Cole’s blades and Cassandra’s mace and shield, they had managed to fell the beast.

Cullen moved closer to the mage and nearly jumped when he heard a noise behind him. He looked behind him and saw Jim waved to him sadly along with Harding, Leliana and Neria hiding behind the underbrush. The spymaster nodded to him as she signed to him to carry on while they looked out for trouble.

The Commander nodded and moved towards Josh. He slipped on a small rock but managed to keep his footing, however the sound roused Josh and the mage looked at him with a look of horror and panic, his back flush to the tree and body twitching to move.

When Cullen saw the panic, he felt his heart break into millions of pieces. He rushed over to Josh to wrap his arms around the mage to comfort him but Josh was far too agile. He tumbled out of the way and Cullen ran into the tree. He stopped his face from hitting the bark and turned to the mage with worry.

“I am sorry Josh!” He cried as he closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief. Josh didn’t even look at him, he instead moved away from Cullen with trepidation. The Commander moved closer and reached out for him. He grabbed hold of Josh’s coat and cringed when he saw the burns along the mage’s neck- the burns he made. He drained Josh’s mana to make sure the mage would not run but the look Josh gave him made Cullen double take as his moved to bite his wrist again. Cullen saw it coming and made sure to pin the mage against the tree so that he could not do anything but remain in place. 

Cullen quickly looked over the mage and let out a sigh of relief when he saw that the mage healed his bitten hand and that he was uninjured. However, his relief was short lived as his eyes met the Inquisitor’s.

Josh’s green-brown eyes held a look of horror- of fear, the kind of look attributed to animalistic fear- a fear reserved for something a person feared from their very birth and Josh gave him a look echoing of that primal fear.

“No- Don’t touch this one! Please! This one…can’t! Please!” Josh pulled at his vice grip with tears rolling down his cheeks as well as rain as it began to drizzle. Cullen refused to let go, his heart racing as he felt the hands desperately trying to break free from his stronger body. Cullen shook his head as he took in the mage’s words and horror filled him as the mage cried aloud. “This one is afraid! Please let this one go. T-This one will do better.”

“I am sorry.” Cullen said it with all the sincerity he could muster and looked at him but Josh simply closed his eyes and stopped fighting against the limbs pushing him against the tree.

“This one is afraid.” Josh repeated as he shivered in the cold winds of the night. He rocked back and forth slightly against Cullen then stared blankly ahead. “Please don’t hurt this one. This one will be a good mage. Please, don’t punish this one. This one is yours alone.”

Cullen looked at Josh in disbelief, his eyes overflowed with tears as he saw the blank look Josh gave him dissipate and all that was left was the overwhelming desire to please. The mage lowered his gaze to the ground and had a cheerless expression as Cullen kept him in place.

“Command this one, vherain.” Josh spoke as Cullen looked him and felt his blood curdle at the detached, heartless voice he used. It was Tranquil. Only the Tranquil refer to themselves as this one and Cullen felt terror as he realized it. But there was something off. Josh was indeed Tranquil, but not quite as he still had access to his magic. “This one will do as you say vherain. Please don’t hurt this one.”

”Josh…”

“Yes Master? This one is ready to serve.”

Cullen cried as he saw the blank look Josh gave him again. It was better than the fearful look Josh gave him earlier but it made him cringe inside. This Josh was broken, by a single moment of madness and horror. He knew Josh was fragile but he didn’t think he was on the verge of cracking into pieces like a cracked eggshell.

“Do you know who I am?” Cullen asked to get an idea of what Josh thought of him for the moment. The mage smiled to himself and gave him a nod.

“Master. Templar. Arvaarad.” The mage moved closer to Cullen and the former templar looked in horror as the mage wrapped his limbs around the Commander and cried against his chest. Cullen immediately eased his hold on the mage and pulled him down so that he rested his back against the tree. He held in his own tears as Josh clung to him like a child would to his father when afraid. “This one is yours, vhenan. Leash this one and take him- But please do not hurt this one. This one is in pain. So much pain.”

The Mark reacted in that moment and Josh cried out in pain as he held the hand to his chest with a bewildered look. Cullen tightened his hold on the mage and felt his eyes burn as his tears started to flow the moment he heard the pain in Josh’s voice.

“The pain…” The Knight-Enchanter whimpered against Cullen’s chest. “Master…please make it stop! So much pain. This one wants it to end…”

“You want to die?!” Cullen gritted his teeth as he asked and Josh buckled in his grip. The former templar however, managed to keep Josh firmly in his arms. He shook his head as he heard Josh speak in a somber tone.

“Vherain is displeased with this one. This one is a failure. Master should have strangled this one. This one is worth nothing- nothing at all.”

Cullen pulled away from Josh and nuzzled at his neck. The mage let out a quiet sob as his fingers tightened on the Commander’s naked chest while the older man whispered lovingly.

“Josh…you are not nothing. You are everything to me. You are my entire world and so much more.” The Commander stopped nuzzling and brought his hand to the mage’s face. The Knight-Enchanter lowered his head as if anticipating a beating to follow but it never came, a motion that stung at Cullen’s mind as it reminded him of how some mages looked at him and the other templars in Kirkwall. The mage closed his eyes as Cullen stroked his skin and brought his hands to the singed flesh at his throat, lightly stroking the flesh there. Cullen cursed himself for hurting his mage. The youth was like a gentle flower, beautiful and fragrant to even to the hand that crushes it. He could not fathom how the Maker could have made someone so genuine and devoted to the Commander.

“Master is kind.” Josh cried as he leaned into the touch like a dog being stroked by its owner. He still had a pained look but it was at ease. “Master is too good to this one.”

Cullen realized that Josh still loved him deep inside. He ended the relationship, not out of anger or sadness because of Branson, but rather because something spooked him, something worst than dying- something worst than Tranquility. He knew Josh was dying but he also knew his mage well. There was more to it- he wasn’t sure however if Josh would tell him in the current state he was in.

“Come with me.” Cullen whispered and pulled the mage to his feet. He chuckled slightly when the mage refused to let go of his chest. He felt the electric pulses the Mark released from time to time but it didn’t bother him as he relished in how Josh clung to his form. Of course, he was getting cold from being barefoot and shirtless but Josh’s warmth more than made up for it. Cullen pointed to his horse and smiled slightly at the mage. “Let’s go home.”

“Home.” Josh mouthed as the Mark stopped reacting briefly and he gave Cullen an unreadable look when the Commander realized that it began to reach towards his left breast. “Where is home?”

“Skyhold.” Cullen smiled as he looked quickly towards Leliana and nodded. She nodded in return and remained along with her agents to keep the unarmed pair safe. The Commander however was dumbstruck when he turned back to the man he loved and saw the mage shaking his head.

“No. Home is you.”

“Me?” Cullen asked with a surprised look that made Josh buckle again in fear. Cullen kept him firmly in his arms and stroked lovingly at his cheek to calm him down. His efforts had the desired effect and the youth leaned against him with a content sigh. The Commander brimmed with heat as he felt a smaller hand settle over his heart. He looked at the mage and couldn’t help but smile at the look of adoration the Inquisitor had as he flushed deeply. He did notice that the mage was still afraid, but not as much as earlier.

“Home.”

“Are you afraid of me?”

“This one is terrified but will obey.” Josh nodded, breaking eye contact and blushing profusely.

“Let’s go home.”

“This one is home.” Josh smiled and shook his head. He shivered slightly as the rainstorm intensified. Cullen instinctively coiled around him and the mage nodded in thanks as he shielded the mage from the cold rain. He knew he would get sick, he knew that Cassandra and the others would admonish him for being so careless but he didn’t care.

“I mean our home. Let’s go, my l- Josh.” Cullen corrected himself. He laughed when the mage shook his head and leaned against him, the Inquisitor’s hot breath dispelling the coldness that dripped down his chest. He took the opportunity to clasp half of the necklace onto the mage’s hand and clasped the other to his down.

“Thank you for leashing this one, Master.” Josh smiled with his eyes closed.

“Leash?” Cullen asked; a hint of confusion in his tone. The mage simply nodded with a beam.

“This one is for Master alone.” Cullen pulled the mage along to move with him but the mage dragged his feet and yawned. “…this one is tired, Master.”

Cullen nodded and scooped up the mage in his arms. He giggled when Josh squirmed slightly and moaned but he settled down and allowed the ex-templar to seat him down on his horse. He managed to get a pleased look from Leliana as she rode ahead with her agents.

 

\---

 

“I don’t understand!” Alara said it half crying, half screaming. She held onto Solas as Cullen did his best to recount the last few hours before he brought Josh back to Skyhold. They were in the War Room, every member of the Inquisition that Josh befriended. Every single one of them looked at Cullen with horror and sadness as he finished speaking. The Commander yelped when he heard Sera shout at him.

“I do, you fucking shite-bag!” Sera lunged towards Cullen but Bull stopped her and held her firmly in place. “You did him in! Lionheart- you broke him for real now! I hate you! How could you?! He was…m-my…friend! My real f-friend!” Sera stopped fighting against the qunari’s hands and slipped down to her knees. Dagna approached and gave her a hug but Sera still fumed at Cullen as she pointed to him. The elf was bat-shit crazy at times but Cullen had grown to like her. It really hurt him to see her so upset and vulnerable. She pushed her lover away and snarled. “You’re an asshole!”

Cullen lowered his gaze to the floor and Neria moved in front of him, she spread her arms to protect him from everyone’s glares. The Red Jenny raced out of the room with the Arcanist on her tail. Cullen’s heart broke in that moment. Sera clearly loved the Inquisitor, Cullen could relate. Josh…he was a helping hand everyone and he didn’t deserve what Cullen had done to him.

“Kinloch Hold was horrible. I don’t blame him for what he did. My companions and I all carry scars…from that place.” The Warden gave the Commander, Morrigan and Leliana a knowing look and they nodded sadly. “That said, we have to find a way to fix this.”

She then pointed to Alara, Solas and Morrigan who nodded to her and left the room to speak in private.

“Fix a broken hinge- we can do, I don’t think it’s possible to fix a shattered mind- even with all the research we have access to I’m sorry to say.”

“We must do something, Lord Dorian. The Inquisition needs its leader. Without Joshua, we are hobbled!” Josephine declared as she scribbled down onto her clipboard like a madwoman. Blackwall touched her shoulder and she gave him a grave look. “Joshua Trevelyan is the Inquisition! Without him-“

“We must be strong for him. Mother Giselle is pacifying the masses but we must keep our minds clear. He needs us!” The former-warden affirmed with a nod and everyone else returned the nod with solemn looks. They had left the mage to sleep in Alara’s quarters with Merrill standing at the bed to make sure he remained asleep with a sleep spell while Anders checked his vitals. The mages would come to fetch them if anything changed in Josh’s condition but for the moment he was restful.

“Please hold me Master! This one is so scared of this dark place. The white wolf is keeping this one safe but he can only protect this one for so long. Master…This one loves you. Please…k-keep this one safe…” Cole spoke and Belle looked at Cullen with anger. Cole however shook his head and sighed sadly. “Too many shards, mind torn to shreds…a web of love keeps them together. Please don’t be angry with him. Josh isn’t angry.”

“But t-this is wrong!”

“I know the feeling.” Bethany affirmed as she placed her hand on the Knight-Enchantress’ arm and got a nod from her. “But we must endure…He would not want us to be angry. He would forgive.”

Half an hour later, the mages returned. Neria looked at everyone with a grave look. She was too distraught to speak so Solas spoke in her stead. That really worried Cullen. Neria was feisty. For her to ask Solas speak on her behalf, it didn’t sit well with the Commander.

“Josh’s mind has been shattered beyond repair.”

“You mean to say that he will never be the same, Solas?” Vivienne asked with a worried look the elf’s way. He nodded and looked at Cullen with anger, despair and respect- all in one look that terrified the former templar. Guilt filled his heart as he tried to push the image of himself choking the mage out of his mind. He could not and he realized inwardly that he became the man he didn’t want to become all along: A templar who hurts mages. He hurt Josh and he knew that he was no longer worthy of the mage.

“I do not blame Cullen for this. It was bound to happen. The former-Tranquil are frail and a dreamer who breaks tranquility is frailer still. It is a miracle that he was survived this long without incident.” Solas folded his arms and gave everyone a miserable look as he met their faces. “I will not lie. None of you will like the solutions we have come up with. I do not like them at all, but he is my friend and I would see him alive and free with his thoughts than the shadow we saw earlier.”

“Stop with the suspense Chuckles. Tell us what you guys came up with. We can take it.”

“We have two ideas. Our first solution is inaction.” The group gathered looked at Solas with confusion but he shook his head and explained further while looking at the Commander sadly. Cullen immediately understood. It was like how he was resisting his Lyrium withdrawals: one day at a time, but in Josh’s case it would be arduous and they had no idea if it would work. “We monitor him daily and hope that he improves. It sounds like a weak plan but it is viable if allows Josh to recover somewhat.”

“And the second plan?” Iron Bull sneered as he pulled Dorian close and dipped his head down to kiss the mage’s forehead. Dorian didn’t respond and looked at the elven mage anxiously. “No offense but I don’t like the idea of waiting for something bad to happen.”

Many of the group members nodded at his point and Solas presented his second solution.

“The source of his fragmentation is his memories. Since Cole is no longer a spirit, he cannot make Josh forget, however Neria has asked her friend Compassion to help and she has agreed, somewhat reluctantly but agreed only because of the danger to Josh’s life.” Solas said in a low tone but Cullen snapped at him and glowered with bared teeth.

“What do you mean *forget*?”

“Cullen, if Josh is to live, he has to have a whole mind. No shards, no fractures. It is not enough to scour his mind and simply erase the fractured bits. They will crack further and he will break eventually. Thus, he should start anew. He will forget everyone and everything. It would be as if he is meeting is all of us for the first time in his life. It is not what I want at all, but it is the best way to control the damage done.”

“You are proposing *tabula rasa*, a clean slate.’ Dorian mused aloud and Solas nodded. He turned to Cullen with a sad look in his eyes as the Commander realized what it meant. It was a chance for Josh to live normally, a chance for him to be free of Cullen’s problems and to begin anew.

“The decision is yours, ma falon. You were the one he loved more dearly than life itself. It seems fitting that his vhenan decide his fate.”

“What of Alara? Josh is her brother Solas. You can’t ask this of me.”

 “He is my brother, but you were his heart. I can’t decide his fate. You saw a side to him that he only allowed you to see, Cullen. You are family and I have to ask you to do it. I…can’t.” Alara began to tear up and Cullen moved to comfort her. She eased up in his grasp and let out her tears as he looked about at their friends. He was shocked when Morrigan approached with a resolute look.

“You must, Cullen. The existence he has now...‘Tis hell to watch- I would not wish it on my worst enemy. You must decide.” Morrigan gave him a sympathetic smile. “I do not have many friends, but I count him amongst them. He…has been kind to me and Kieran.”

Cullen nodded to her as he flushed. He remembered the first time he saw Josh, the mage walked inside the War Room at Haven with Cassandra and he looked like an unseasoned soldier, green as grass and eager to help if he could, but somewhat skittish. He remembered how the mage stammered when they first spoke to each other, how the Commander considered the mage somewhat foolish and naïve at first but he grew to like the mage’s company over time. He enjoyed the conversations he had with the mage, finding his insights on even the most of mundane things to be a breath of fresh air. Cullen really didn’t like magic since Kirkwall and Kinloch Hold but Josh changed his mind- about everything…especially magic.

Cullen fell in love with a maleficar who had been a friend of many spirits and it baffled his mind how he could over look everything and love someone who represented everything that scarred him in his life. But the Inquisitor…he was so gentle and kind to him- so innocent with his love and affection that Cullen found it impossible not to love the man who could ease his heart with a single smile. He wanted Josh to be that tender man again- even if it meant that he would not be with the mage.

“He needs to be w-whole.” Cullen’s throat went dry and his voice noticeably gave way. He felt the tears welling up in his eyes but quashed them before they could fall. He forced himself to continue.” That means h-he needs to forget.” 

“I don’t like this.” Cassandra muttered as Neria nodded to him and moved over to the door with Solas to await the Commander. “The Inquisitor…we can’t just…”

“I don’t want him to forget, but if it helps him to recover- I would rather he forget than remain fractured forever. I…am responsible for this.”

“You are not.” Cassandra shook her head and snarled. “He loves you and he would forgive you.”

“I don’t deserve such compassion but I will always love him. He is my heart and I feel like someone is on the verge of ripping it out.” Cullen shook his head with a sad look. Cassandra nodded sadly as Cullen moved over to the door. As soon as he shut the door and followed the pair of mages, he heard the cacophony of voices in the main hall as they approached. He avoided all eye contact and quickly ascended the stairs, trying to block out the sad glances everyone gave him, all well-wishers solely concerned with the wellbeing of their leaders.

When they reached the bedroom, Neria asked Anders how the patient was doing while Cullen moved over to the form that slept soundly on Alara’s bed. Josh’s sister had decided to move to her brother’s quarters to ease Sulahn into the situation while Cullen would watch over the mage for the first night. He knew better than to try and ease the child into it himself and settled beside his mage.

He was startled when Josh woke up suddenly and latched onto him, a crying mess as Merrill looked rather confused at the healer. Anders shrugged at Cullen and glanced with a worried look at Neria who called them over. Cullen returned his attention to the mage and chuckled when he felt the mage press himself against the Commander’s chest.

“Master…please don’t leave this one alone.” Josh whispered. Cullen nodded and looked at Solas. The elf led the others away and told the Commander that they would be outside when they were ready to proceed. He yelped when Josh cried against his chest and shook his head. “Master, this one loves Master with all his heart. This one should not have left Master. He cried himself to sleep without Master. Master is the world to this one. Please stay Master. This one knows he must sleep- please lay with this one and keep him safe. Don’t be afraid.”

Cullen was consumed by guilt in that moment, especially when he heard how remorseful the mage was and how he lamented over leaving the Commander. Against his better judgment, he unbuckled his armor and placed it on the armoire. He then pulled off his tunic, tossed it on the couch and settled beside the mage as he pulled the blankets over him. Josh was already in his underclothes and clung to the former-templar with a sleepy grin.

“This one is sorry for everything, and he forgave you. It was not Master’s fault.”

“No matter what you say, my love…I am responsible for this. I hurt you.” Cullen caressed his cheek. The mage flushed deeply and purred like a cat as Cullen’s hand traced a few hairs that covered his face. He realized that he was so engrossed in the mage’s safety and his self loathing that he completely missed the fact that Josh’s hair had grown quite long, framing his face nicely with hair that reached just short of his shoulders, great locks of silken dark-gold hair that smelled like roses. He kissed tenderly at Josh’s Marked hand and brought his forehead to the mage’s with a sad smile. “I am sorry, Joshua.”

“Master can never harm this one!” Josh declared as he snuggled against Cullen’s chest and nuzzled his flesh. Cullen sighed as the mage’s hands settled around his chest with a breathy moan. “Master loves this one. This one loves Master with all that he is. Please don’t over-think what happened.”

Cullen nodded and held onto the mage. He remained as he was for a while, enjoying the warmth between them. For a brief moment, he could act like the horror of that happened wasn’t hanging over him like a sword ready to bring him great pain. He heard the mage snore slightly and felt that sword hit him in full force as reality struck. He gingerly pulled away and moved over to the door and opened it. He motioned for the mages to be quiet as Josh was fast asleep but they couldn’t take chances.

Neria gave him an incredulous look as she reentered the room with Solas. Cullen explained what he had done to make the youth fall asleep and Merrill looked content as she pulled Anders along downstairs to tell the others that they would be commencing with their plan. Neria tittered as they stood in front of the bed and watched the gentle soul; asleep and smiling to himself, moving about, the motion reminding the Commander of how a dog pawed during its slumber.

“You should get back in bed.” The Warden said with small smirk that made the Commander flinch. Solas smiled and nodded in agreement with Neria. “I have a feeling that he’ll wake up early if you’re away from him too long. It’s…hauntingly cute.”

“It…is.” Cullen smiled sadly.

“Cullen…” The Warden began but Cullen silenced her with a glower. He moved over to the bed and climbed under the sheets, relishing in how Josh instinctively reached for him with a happy grin in his sleep. Solas moved over to Josh and placed a small kiss on his Marked hand. If Cullen didn’t know how close the pair was, he would have felt jealous but he understood why the elf did it. While Josh vhenan to Cullen, the epitome of love and romance in every way- Josh was nas’falon to Solas. Josh explained to Cullen once that nas’falon is the word reserved for the very best of people in a person’s life only second to vhenan and lath. It was a soulmate, whether romantic or friendship, it touched Cullen’s heart to see the elf show his affection, a sad look in his eyes as he moved over to the stairs leading to the door. He nodded to Cullen and the ex-templar returned it in kind as he left.

“I…am ready.” Neria’s voice rang out melodiously. Cullen turned to look at her and nearly yelped he saw golden light pouring out of her eyes. Cullen looked quickly over at his mage and shook his head in confusion. He had affirmed that he wanted a new beginning for Josh, a beginning without the Commander but there he was, half-naked and clinging to his lover like there was no tomorrow. He was brought out of his thoughts by a warm hand that settled at his cheek. He looked above him and saw Neria smile at him with tears streaming down her glowing eyes as she seemed to read his thoughts of doubt. “You templar jackass…You love him- Don’t leave him. Lay with him. Hold him. Guide him when he wakes up. Be who you are inside and Maker-willing… he will love you again.”

“My *love* hurt him.” Cullen wept to himself and shook his head as she removed her hand from his cheek. “I am not worthy of him.”

“Ugh…you really are a jackass.” Neria griped as ignored him and moved to Josh. She placed a small peck on his cheek and smiled as he stirred slightly. He watched her caress the mage’s cheek but turned away when saw her freehand hover over him like how Cole often did when he made people forget. He quashed his tears again and vowed that he would never hurt Josh again.

“He will love you again, Cullen. *Forget*.”

The Commander heard it. He wished that Neria had made him forget instead but he could never forget his beloved mage. In that moment, Cullen’s entire world shattered. He felt numb inside, as if someone had reached into his chest and tore out his heart, still beating against the odds. The horror of what happened washed over him and he let go, his tears covering his face as he hugged at the unconscious mage.

If the Maker ever answered his prayers, he wanted only one thing in his life from that moment on: He wanted *his* Josh back.

It was a vain hope, but maybe…the Maker would be kind, just like his beloved mage.

 

\---

 

The dark blonde woke up, a yawn on his lips as he stretched but found himself entangled in sinew and warmth. He yelped slightly when he felt the powerful limbs that confined him in place. He was about to wake the stranger in his bed but thought against it when he felt small droplets and spots of wetness under the blankets that lacked the stench of sweat. It was weirdly familiar.

He whimpered as an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness filled him, presumably from the man that held him tightly to his naked chest. The mage flushed as he took in the man’s features, rugged lines and a scar that made him look like a hero that came straight out of a work of fiction.

When he took in the muscles the stranger had, he gulped knowing full well that he liked what he saw. His cheeks burned as he considered pulling away. As if a cruel joke by fate, the sleeping handsome man pulled him closer subconsciously with a tired moan. What the mage felt at his chest however, made him flush deeply.

A clothed, hard appendage pressed against him eagerly, it was large and made the mage groan, his own flesh responding to the aroused flesh against him. Before he got too engrossed in the feeling, he sprung to action, intoning a spell that came naturally to him for some reason. He phased through the bed and crawled away towards the couch before rematerialized. Once free, he let out a gasp when he realized that he was dressed in underclothes. 

It dawned on him that while he didn’t know the man, the man probably knew him well. The happiness he felt made it very clear that that was the case.

Somehow, he was able to recall the world around him and all sorts of details, he even realized that he was in a place with lots of worried people due to his senses being overwhelmed by theirs but for the life of him, he could not recall anything to do with his personal life. He didn’t even know what his name was or if he even had one to begin with. He absentminded rubbed at his scarf covered neck. He cringed when he felt hardened flesh. He knew immediately that it was a burn scar. 

Before the mage could look for a mirror to have a look at it, he saw movement and yelped when he saw the handsome man reach for him to his left. When the man didn’t find his flesh, his brown eyes opened and scanned the area. The motion of the man jumping frantically out of bed made the dark blonde buckle onto the couch with fear. He saw the man approach him quickly, dressed in breeches that clung to his body, leaving no detail out as to how toned his legs were, not to mention how large he was in other places.

That was when he saw the man’s chest and face. He deduced then that he must be dreaming, that it was some sort of trick that the Fade was playing on him as there was no way for a man to be so beautiful and ruggedly handsome and yet he was. He traced how the morning rays accentuated the man’s body and he gasped as said man pulled him into a hug tight. 

That hug made him realize that he wasn’t dreaming. The handsome man was real- the hard muscles enclosed around him was real; the hardness that pressed against him was very, very real. He wanted to pull away but could not bring himself to sadden the man holding him and remained in place. It took all his willpower to lessen the effect the man had on his own hardness.

“Oh Maker…” The handsome blonde said as he pulled away and smiled. “I-I thought you disappeared on me. G-Good morning.”

“H-Hello.” Josh whimpered as he managed a shy smile. The man nodded to him with a grin and pointed to himself with hope brimming in his brown eyes. There was something about those eyes that made the mage look at them mesmerized by their leonine beauty.

“Do you know who I am?”

The mage shook his head and almost immediately, the man’s eyes dulled down; the happiness and hope he had inside himself was gone and replaced by a look of horror and despair as he nodded slowly.

“I-I see.” He extended his hand. The mage was unsure about taking it but decided to do so once he understood that the man was introducing himself. “My name is Cullen Stanton Rutherford. You are Joshua Trevelyan.”

“Somehow, t-that sounds about right.” Josh admitted with a bashful smile.

“Indeed. I am the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces and you are the Inquisitor. You lead the Inquisition.”

“The Inquisition?” The mage asked with befuddled glance. The larger man pulled him down to the couch and they sat beside each other. It took several hours in which the blonde explained much. Josh began to understand context-wise about a lot of details that was jumbled up in his mind. By the time they were done, the Inquisitor heard the garden bell ring out eight times.

“Are you hungry?” Cullen asked. The mage nodded as his stomach rumbled slightly. He flushed and the man moved over to the stairway leading down. “I’ll be right back with some food and wine. The others must be eager to meet-“

“No…please don’t bring anyone. Please come back quickly…” Josh cried as the Mark reacted with a small burst of green-fire. He yelped when Cullen moved over to him and began to massage at the flesh and almost immediately the Mark settled down and he gave the handsome man in front a thankful look. He liked the Commander’s touch, it was calming. “T-Thank you. I am afraid. I can feel everything around me and it feels wrong. Please come back alone. I’m…not be ready to meet with them today. Too much to feel. Too much too quick. Small steps- And you make me feel safe…like a dear friend. Thank you.”

“You would do well not to befriend me.” Cullen said dejectedly. The mage gave him a sad look as Cullen quickly pulled on a tunic and boots, and then moved to leave but Josh wasn’t satisfied with what he said. He quickly blocked off the door and glared at the Commander. “Don’t look at me like that, please.”

“Give me a reason why I shouldn’t be your friend.”

“Because…I will hurt you, Joshua.” Cullen gritted his teeth. He mage moved to block him off but the former-templar simply moved him out of the way with a muscled arm and left. Josh then realized that the Commander was holding off on something. There was this sick feeling of sadness that filled the mage and Josh knew it was Cullen’s sadness and not his own. It engulfed his senses and he ended up doing chores to get his mind of the pain.

He tidied up the bed and the blankets, his mind burned as he grasped the drenched sheets to replace them. Sure enough, he knew that where Cullen lay was covered in sweat, his musk remained, making the mage flush deeply as the smell reminded him of something but he could not remember what. He was about to toss it aside into a large bucket when he felt a cluster of wet areas just beside the sweat. It was the scentless dampness that he felt earlier.

Josh unthinkingly brought the wet material to his lips and licked at the wetness, his heart was racing and his cheeks burning as he took in a rather salty taste. It caught him off guard as he realized something. While he forgot much, he knew what the taste was. It was tears, who’s however…he was not sure but he knew one thing. Cullen was really sad. He knew that he needed care just as much as the mage himself needed it and thus Josh vowed to himself that he would try to help Cullen through his pains- especially with his Lyrium withdrawals.

The Inquisitor managed to clean up the room and sat down on the bed. He yelped when Cullen returned with a large pot and some bowls, spoons and wine. He asked the mage to dish out some of the hot food while the Commander quickly raced outside. He managed to hear the blonde thank someone called Jim and shut the door as he carried inside a large wooden tub and several buckets of steaming water that was slowly brought up to the bedroom by the large man.

“By the time we’re done, the water would have cooled down a bit.” Cullen smiled as Josh helped him to clear up the desk and moved a chair opposite the one already there. Cullen moved the hot bowls and beckoned the mage to sit opposite him. He helped the mage to sit down and then brought over some glasses filled with wine. He offered one to the mage, who flushed as Cullen slipped into the seat opposite him and grinned. Josh knew it was a hollow smile but it managed to make him flush deeply. He still could not believe that the man in front of him was real. “How are you feeling?”

“B-Better now that you’re back.” Josh smiled shyly. He couldn’t help but giggle when Cullen took a sip on his soup and coughed as it burned his tongue. The Commander wiped at his mouth with a handkerchief and managed an amused look despite the pain that Josh felt on his behalf.

“I’m glad that my pain brings you laughter.” He smiled but Josh shook his head and blushed.

“N-No…I…” Josh reached forward and took hold of the Commander’s hand in his own. He shook his head profusely and gave Cullen a sad look. “I don’t like seeing you sad. I…I care about you.”

That made Cullen look away briefly, his neck and cheeks turned bright red. The Commander however shook his head and gritted his teeth. For a moment, Josh sensed immense hesitation but it was then replaced by disgust.

“You shouldn’t care for me. I am no one special, Inquisitor.” Cullen sneered as he pulled his hand away. The mage looked at him sadly, his cheeks overflowing with heat as he began to blow at the soup to cool it down. The pair ate in silence, trading looks at it each other now and then. When the meal was done, Cullen packed up the utensils and bowls along with the wine glasses and the bottle. He pointed to the warm water told the mage to wash up while he did so in the bathhouse.

Josh obliged, filling the tub with the water and gave the Commander a sorrowful look as he took his armor and moved over to the steps leading out.

“Please come back when you’re done. I…don’t want to be alone.”

“I will.” Cullen affirmed austerely as he nodded. He then left and the mage stripped down, enjoying the heat as he got into the water and sighed to himself. He relished in the feeling of washing his body and his long hair, running his fingers through it to undo any knots that formed.

He remained as he was for about an hour and had forgotten that he was supposed to get out at some point. He cried out in surprise as Cullen returned fully armored, covered in a red and gold surcoat with a large, warm bear fur pauldron that made the man in front of him look larger than he was.

“C-Cullen!” Josh whimpered as he lowered himself further into the water. The Commander looked at him, red-faced and a stammering mess as he ran down the stairs and called out.

“Tell me when y-you’re dressed!”

“Alright!” Josh replied and proceeded to get out and towel himself off. He often got the feeling that he was being watched but when he checked, he didn’t see anyone. He then pulled on smalls, a loose tunic and slacks from the armoire and moved over to the stairs and smiled as Cullen leaned against the wall, a large pile of parchments in his hands and an irritated look in his eyes. “Um…I’m done. W-What’s that?”

“Reports. I have work to do so please don’t disturb me.”

“Can I help?”

“No.” Cullen scoffed as he moved to the vacant desk and began to set out the papers. He reached for an inkwell and quill he spotted near the bookcases and slipped into the chair. Josh looked at him sadly as he began to work mechanically through the reports. Josh moved over to the open balcony door that overlooked the gardens and tried to close it when he felt a slight breeze. He jumped when he heard the Commander bark loudly and lowered his head in shame. “Don’t! The others will be sending ravens!”

Josh nodded meekly and moved over to the bed. He ended up lying down for a while, his mind cloudy despite the fact that it was still morning. He considered going to the bookcases to find a book to read but thought against it when he saw the resolute look in Cullen’s eyes as the Commander wrote out report after report and attaching them to the ravens that came and went.

He found himself flushed as he took in the handsomeness Cullen had, even when he wasn’t smiling. Something about the man had him aching to kiss his face and nuzzle his hands. Maker, he could not believe that he was inwardly musing over confessing his love for a stranger he had just met but inside he knew that the man he knew as Cullen was important to him. He just didn’t like how the Commander treated him so coldly.

The Inquisitor shuddered as he recalled Cullen’s bark, imagining himself to be at the former templar’s mercy. He hardened immediately and let out a breathy sigh as he watched Cullen read through a report and promptly reply. He imagined what it would feel like to have those large hands holding him down over the desk. He moaned as he then recalled Cullen’s hardness and imagined what it would feel like to have his thickness inside him, kissing tenderly at his lips and neck. He then shook his head, casting aside all those thoughts. Cullen could never like him in that way. In fact, as much as Cullen’s body excited him…he just wanted the man to like him- to be friends with him at the very least.

When the bell chimed out nine times, he moved over to the balcony- the one that wasn’t being used by the ravens to get some fresh air despite the chilly breeze. He was stopped by a fierce glare by the armored man.

“Don’t go there.” Cullen rasped as he returned to his reports. The mage sneered and paid him no mind. Only when he reached the railing did he realize that the height made him quite queasy. He turned quickly to return to the room but shouted when he slipped and fell chest first on the floor. Pain filled him as he cried, he heard Cullen come racing to his side with a loud growl that made Josh squirm when former templar’s grip pulled him to his feet. Cullen then roared into his face and the Inquisitor stopped crying and looked in fear at the man that towered over him and backed him up against the pillar beside the stained glass doors and windows.

“Stupid mage!” Cullen gritted his teeth as he pulled the mage close. Their noses nearly touched as Cullen glowered at him and grabbed at his hair with a rough grip that made Josh cry out. He stiffened as he took in Cullen’s hostile tone but something deep inside him stirred that moment. He actually liked being scolded for some weird reason that he could not understand. “I…have more reports to complete. You will sit quietly beside me or I will punish you.”

“*Punish* me?”

“Do not question me. Go inside.” Cullen pulled away and pointed to the desk. Josh nodded as Cullen moved into the room and shifted the chair that was opposite the desk to be next to his own chair. He then sat down and glared at Josh as the mage looked away the moment he saw the smoldering brown eyes that looked at him. He whimpered when he felt Cullen grab hold of his chin with a scoff. “Remember, if you bother me, I will punish you.”

Josh nodded as Cullen let go of him and resigned himself to sit quietly with the man. He had to admit, he was really enjoying being so close to the Commander. He could actually smell the scent of the oils he probably used while bathing. He couldn’t help but admire the way Cullen’s hair curled and shined in the morning rays like threads made from the sun’s light itself. He was tempted to touch them but knew better.

An hour went by and the mage decided to lean slightly against the Commander’s fur pauldron when he yawned to himself, hoping that the Commander would not notice. He managed to do so and relished in the warmth it provided. He curled against it slightly and closed his eyes in contentment. He soon fell into a deep slumber and dreamt of hugging a furry, large, reluctant lion that roared a lot but made sure that he was comfy against his chest despite his complaints.

 

\---

 

It was midday and the Commander had finally finished all his reports. He let out a sigh of relief as he recalled that the mage listened to him for once and actually remained silent. He sent of the last remaining report to Cassandra regarding his Lyrium withdrawal and then spoke in a commanding tone.

“It’s good that you listened. I didn’t want to-“ Cullen turned to the mage and flushed when he saw that he was fast asleep against his shoulder. He immediately shut his mouth and smiled sadly as he watched the mage snuggle slowly into the warm fur that Cullen wore.

The Commander slowly turned and pulled the mage into an embrace; he then carried the sleeping mage and undressed him, stopping himself from kneading flesh that he desired with all his heart. Once he had Josh under the blankets and smiling to himself, he momentarily considered going to his own quarters. It wasn’t that he didn’t want look after the mage but he couldn’t resist being near him. It was completely against the plan he had to distance himself from Josh.

He hated himself for being a jerk to Josh but it required- or at least it was what he told himself. It tore at his heart to hear that Josh had already begun to care for him. He contemplated over how gentle the mage was still, the man of tender years who still loved him innocently even after having his mind wiped. Cullen should have been happy but he knew that he would hurt Josh in the end- he knew that Josh himself knew it but the mage…as loving and gentle as he was- he didn’t care for himself. The mage thought that Cullen didn’t notice him staring at him while he skimmed his reports but the Commander felt his eyes and Maker…he wanted to take Josh right there on that bed.

He wanted to rip into the mage and claim his lips. He wanted to tear off his clothes and grind against the man he loved but he knew that it was a bad idea. He would hurt Josh again and again and the mage didn’t deserve such. He needed someone to look after him and take care of him. He needed someone to love him and never to harm him. Thus, Cullen accepted the fact that he needed to make sure that Josh would stop loving him

The first day and night was a drag, but at least Cullen survived the night without incident. He woke up the next morning- somewhat accustomed to sleeping beside the mage, yet distancing himself the moment he awoke.

Josh, that morning, had breakfast in the main hall; so Cullen took the opportunity to introduce the shy mage to everyone. He noticed a sad look in the mage’s eyes as if he knew exactly what he had lost and accepted it. Cullen watched as the Inner Circle reacquainted themselves with the mage and within an hour, the shyness was gone and one could act as if the mage had never lost his memories. If only Cullen could tear out the feeling of guilt that filled him as he stared into those green eyes and remembered how frightened they looked when Cullen had followed him to the Twisted Tree.

“Cullen? Are you alright?“ Josh asked. He was pulled out of his mental agony by the mage touching his hand. He immediately pulled away and scoffed. Many of their friends that sat at the table gave him an angry look as Josh shook his head in confusion and looked away. Cullen didn’t have to look at him to know that the mage would be a crying mess over him later. He inwardly told himself that it was for the best: *Make Josh hate me and despise me so much that he completely forgets about the affection he has for me.* It was easier said than done and he knew the others would hate him for it but it was required.

Once the mage spent some time in private with Solas and Alara, Cullen took him to meet with Morrigan and Neria at Cassandra and Leliana’s behest. The Warden and witch spoke with him briefly, all the while throwing concerned glances at each other and angry glances at the ex-templar. Morrigan took them into a room adjacent to the chapel and pointed to an obscenely large mirror at the end of the room. She explained that it was an eluvian, a relic out of elvhen legend. She flicked her wrist and the mirror turned into a portal of shining light and color.

“Come Warden. You followed me into the Dragonbone Wastes years ago. It is only right that I show you where I winded up in the years that rushed by.” The witch said as she walked inside the mirror and disappeared, making Cullen’s heart quicken as the Warden followed suit. Josh moved, grabbing hold to the Commander’s hand but ended up rooted in place as Cullen refused to move. He wrenched his hand away from the Inquisitor’s and snarled loudly.

“I should remain here.”

“Come with, please. I would prefer you at my side, ma falon.”

“Ir mala tel’falon- ma nuvinen.” Cullen cursed; he noticed a tear sliding down the mage’s cheek as he said it. He wanted to wipe it away but the mage nodded and walked into the light. He followed Josh into the shifting colors; the cold air of Skyhold was replaced with a rush of fresh air and blankets of mist over a massive area littered with thousands of eluvians. Josh walked towards the pair of mages and Morrigan nodded. He managed to see a look of surprise on the Inquisitor’s tearless face as Cullen stood beside him.

“Whatever name this place had, it is now long forgotten. I call it the Crossroads. I walked its paths years ago when I required sanctuary for myself and Kieran.”

“Sanctuary?” Cullen asked with a worried look. The witch nodded and Neria sighed.

“The Witch of the Wilds, Flemeth was after her and the child. I followed Morrigan to see if she was alright. I’m glad you found this place. It is beautiful. Vibrant. Kieran must have loved it here…” Neria smiled as she moved about and twirled in the mists.

“I see color everywhere, like light reflecting off glass, a rainbow.” Josh grinned as he moved to her and looked about in awe but Cullen saw no color except the dull grey of the ground and the bluish mists around them. Judging from the look Morrigan gave him, she too saw no color in the Crossroads.

“I see nothing but dullness about me.” Cullen rasped with a shrug and the pair of mages gave him a confused look.

“Perhaps elves see this place differently? ‘Tis most strange however for Josh to see the place as an elf does…unless…” Morrigan approached the mage and gave him a haughty look as she turned her gaze to Cullen. “The Inquisitor is elf-blooded, is he not?”

Cullen hesitated at first but Josh smiled at him. The Commander nodded to the witch and Morrigan returned it with a smile.

“I thought so. Back to my original point, old magicks keep this place intact. As you can see, there are many eluvians here. Some still function- like a door left accidentally ajar, others are locked from the other side and the rest simply do not respond anymore. Destroyed or perhaps worst. I know not.”

“What does this have to do with the Elder One?” Neria asked as Josh moved over to a metal tree, its branches curving upward in the shape of a globe. He touched it and he flinched slightly as Cullen glared at him but he returned back to the group as the Warden inquired further. “I can feel that this is not the Fade. Not quite. Almost like a place just outside it. It’s a bit like Blackmarsh and Kinloch Hold but…”

“This place is tethered.” Josh said sadly. “It wants to be part of the stream. Maybe it’s not on one side or the other- a realm between realms.”

“Indeed. Without the Anchor, Corypheus requires another method to breach the Veil and enter the Fade. This is not the Fade but it is very close. If the Elder One were to come here, he would be able to tear the bonds you speak of asunder and find his way to the Fade directly.”

‘Then I must stop him, Lady Morrigan.” Josh spoke in a valorous tone as she led everyone back to her eluvian. “No matter what, it is *my* duty to stop that fiend.”

“Tis most unwieldy to say such but I have no doubt that you will stop the foolish lunatic from ending this world.”

Cullen praised the Maker when he stepped back into Thedas. The witch closed the portal with a wave of her hand and smiled to herself as Neria complimented her skill in magic. Josh asked Cullen to take him back to his room so he could retire for the day. He saw Josh hug the Warden and she gave the Commander a hug as well and whispered into his ear as Josh had a brief chat with the witch outside.

“Jackass.”

“Look who’s talking.” Cullen simpered as she pulled away with a giggle.

“I know I’m a jackass. That was never in question. But…” Neria gave him a sad look as she shook her head. “What you’re doing is wrong. He loves you. I saw it in his eyes. You’re making a huge mistake.”

“I cannot hurt him anymore.” The Commander looked away and sniffled. He flinched somewhat when he felt soft hands at his cheek and the woman he fell in love all those years ago adjusted his face so that he stared into her eyes. He flushed as she grinned impishly.

“Say what you like. You love him.” The mage then kissed at his cheek and moved over to the door. “We probably won’t see each other again…so please don’t push him away. We have made Branson see the errors of his-“

“Don’t.” Cullen sneered.

“Fine- Be foolish! You will end up alone. You will only have yourself to blame. I will pray that you come to your senses before you lose a man so kind and gentle that he could forgive the man who destroyed his mind! Goodbye jackass.” The Warden threw her hands up as she left the Commander to his own thoughts. Cullen cringed as he knew she was absolutely right, but he needed to push Josh away. No one could understand his self-hatred. He could not live with himself if he ended up hurting the gentle mage. Josh deserved a better man.

 Cullen then returned to his office to find Sulahn and Alara waiting for him. The child was crying for Josh so Cullen asked the Keeper to take Sulahn to the mage, hopeful that he would fall in love with her all over again. Alara gave him a sad look as she asked him to join her but he dejectedly told her that he could not bear see Josh receive the child. It would remind him too greatly of what he had lost.

Once Alara and Sulahn were gone, Cullen slid down beside his desk and cried. He let out all his bottled up emotions and allowed himself a brief respite. The tears flowed as he remembered Josh as he was before and how he currently was and he remembered that it was his fault. He wanted to hold onto the mage and comfort him. He wanted to kiss the mage’s lips and taste him. He wanted to rub his fingers through the mage’s hair and smell his wonderful scent- but he could not.

Josh was no longer Josh. Josh was now Josh but a Josh who no longer remembered him. Cullen wanted nothing more in that moment of weakness to take back how he burned the mage. He loved Josh but he never wanted to harm the mage again. Josh nearly died because of him and now Josh lost all his memories because of him. He knew that the mage wanted him- it was clear as daylight but he could not bring himself to show the mage his love.

Cullen noticed a slight motion. He wanted to wipe at his tears and straighten himself up but he could not as his grief was too much. The person crouched down beside him and gave him a look of empathy but Cullen snapped the moment he saw the owner of those honey eyes. He burst up to his feet and pinned Branson to the wall with a snarl.

“Are you happy?!” Cullen sneered as he punched at Branson’s chest and his brother let out a cry of pain. “We are apart now. We can never have what we had!”

“I am sorry-“

“You are not.” Cullen pulled away and spat at him as the soldier slid down to the ground. Branson sat despondent as Cullen kicked at his thighs and arms, garnering a sharp howl each time the boot connected with flesh. “Are you satisfied brother?! I have lost the one thing that meant something to me! If you came here to gloat- then gloat! You shouldn’t have come to Skyhold. You should have stayed in South Reach and died there for all I care!”

“Brother, you can’t mean that! Where will Jaime and I-”

“I do, Branson. Leave and never return! From this moment on, you have no brother. If I ever see you again, I will kill you. Jaime will remain with Mia and Rosalie. You overstayed your welcome.”

Branson looked at Cullen in horror as the former-templar formed fire in his fists and swung wildly. He struck the wall as Branson evaded past him and ran for his life.

The soldier ran and tumbled when he struck something. Cullen looked forward as he moved to punch the man but was left bewildered he saw Josh with a worried look on his face. The mage extended his hand and Branson took it reluctantly as his eyes kept bolting towards Cullen. The mage caught onto the movement and watched as the former-templar was about to reach out to grab the soldier, but Josh intercepted him with his body. He held up his Marked hand, brimming with veilfire that lit up the dusky bridge between the tower and the rotunda.

“Lay one more finger on him and I will send you to the Maker, friend or not!” The mage cussed as he stared down Cullen. The Commander cussed out loud as Josh turned to Branson and fretted over him.

“Are you alright?” The mage asked but Branson remained silent as Josh dusted him off. Cullen then snarled.

“He needs to be thrown out of the Inquisition not coddled! He…”

“I know what he did to Sylvia.” Josh yelled in an angry, commanding tone. “Leliana told me- But I know he loved her as well. You might have forced him to marry her, but she loved him and he grew to love her! It’s in the past- just like whatever he did to me. I forgave him Cullen! Please! Forgive him! He’s your-“

“I have no brother.” Cullen spat as he glared at Branson and then at the Inquisitor. The mage shook his head and Cullen’s heart broke when he saw the hatred in the mage’s eyes.

“I thought you were a good person. I thought that we could be friends and maybe…no.” Josh’s voice broke in that moment as he clung to Branson and his tone became frigid. “I will work with you, Cullen Rutherford. But I will not respect you. I don’t know how my dear Sulahn could love you. That child is so innocent…you- You are a sorry excuse of a man and being in the same room as you sickens me. Good night, Commander.”

The Commander tensed up at the mention of Sulahn as the mage pulled Branson with him into the rotunda. Cullen retreated into his tower and snarled as he slammed his fist against the stone wall, leaving a hole where his knuckles struck. He had been thinking about himself and Josh but not about the child. He had been neglecting her and he wanted to make up for it but he began to think if it was better to let go of her. Josh had made it clear that his presence disgusted the mage. Wouldn’t it be easier to simply keep his distance?

He immersed himself in his work and cringed when Bethany and Varric entered his office unceremoniously at ten bells.

“Curly!” Varric called with a haughty grin. “We’re going to play Wicked Grace. Come join us. You need some time away from your wife.”

“Wife?” Cullen asked incredulously. His response made Bethany roll her eyes as she moved behind him and pulled at his arm. He remained in place but soon gave in and allowed the pair to pull him to the door.

“You’re married to your work. This is no better than Kirkwall, my friend! Come play and drink with us! It’ll be fun!”

“We’re marching to the Arbor Wilds on the morrow. The soldiers are ready, but their Commander needs to be up early lest they become complacent and-“

“Bah! Stop with the excuses Curly. Come on!”

“I…” Cullen wanted to protest but ended up shaking his head when Bethany gave him the same puppy dog eyes that Josh used to when he wanted something. The expression had its desired effect and made Cullen sigh in frustration. “I’ll come along.”

\---

 

Josh relished in his daughter touch as he lay beside her and his beloved sister. The pair had decided to sleepover in the Keeper’s old quarters. He made a mental note to return to his own quarters once he was ready. The current quarters were too large and the view made him nauseous.

He kissed at his daughter’s cheek and slowly pulled away from her so that he could get out of bed without rousing her and Alara from their sleep. He moved to the desk that Cullen used to work on his reports. He recalled how Cullen had beaten his own brother and the thought sickened him. 

While he could never condone rape, Leliana had made it clear that Sylvia forgave Branson before her suicide, that she loved the soldier and that in turn Branson had grown to love her after marriage. Leliana also told the mage that Sylvia sent the incriminating letters to Cullen to get it off her chest before her depression led to the suicide. The tone of her writings said that much.

Earlier, Branson himself confessed what he had done to Sylvia and how he was still grief-stricken over her suicide. He could feel the soldier’s sadness and he could not help but hold him close to comfort him. What he did was wrong, but Josh forgave him because Josh could feel his repentance. It was real and the man had turned over a new leaf- especially with regards to Bethany. Josh however had a feeling that the soldier’s sudden paradigm shift was as a result of whatever happened between the mage himself and the Commander.

As much as Josh grew to hate Cullen, he understood the Commander- somewhat. What really concerned him however; was that no one told him who Cullen was to him. Neither Branson, nor the Inner Circle, nor the Inquisition members told him anything about the relationship between them. The atmosphere whenever he mentioned Cullen and himself to the others was thick with guilt and sadness that smothered his feelings with a sick sense of self hatred. He knew that he had wronged Cullen somehow but he didn’t remember it. The not knowing tore at his insides.

In an effort to try and clear his clouded mind, he took flight from the balcony as a small bird and closed his eyes as he didn’t want to see the heights he ascended, but instead, he wanted that marvelous fresh air that only the birds and other flying creatures could ever tap into. He felt alive and free. A feeling that he longed for every creature to feel at some point in their life- but there was something missing in his freedom: Love. It was so profound yet strange. He returned to Skyhold before he got dizzy and landed near the draw bridge when he caught sight of two figures crossing over to the mountains.

Josh stood silently as he watched Neria and Anders leave Skyhold. He wanted to greet them and wish them well on their quest to find a cure for the Calling but he knew that it was best to remain distant. The Warden had made it clear that she would either come back triumphant or she would die- and that any merriment to be done in her name would have to wait until she came back. Josh knew it was her way of saying that she probably wouldn’t be coming back but he had to hold a small hope in his heart for her return.

After all, she was the one who saved him from his own mind. He didn’t have to ask anyone or any spirit for that information. It was laced in the sad looks she gave him and especially in the sad looks she gave the man she loved to call *Jackass*.

Once the figures disappeared into the darkness of night, Josh made his way towards the tavern when he heard a shrill uproar. He took careful steps as he walked up the stone stairs that led directly to The Herald’s Rest. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of embarrassment and he looked about, utterly confused as to what might cause him to feel that way. He looked down and saw that he was dressed in his loose night shirt and breeches so it couldn’t be him.

He was pulled out of his befuddlement when he was struck hard by something. He ended up tumbling along with whoever collided with him and yelped when he felt heavy muscle pin him down. He looked in fear as Cullen groaned loudly above his own cries of pain but the mage gasped when he saw that Cullen was complete naked. It might have been dark and he might have been shocked by the impact but he knew his own organs. The Commander was…huge.

The former templar looked him with anxious eyes as the mage quickly got up. He spotted Dorian giggling as he searched in the dark for the Commander in question with a lecherous look. Josh cursed to himself when he realized that the embarrassment came from the Commander. Cullen was in a fix and he knew the man was proud. He would not live down someone seeing him naked so Josh sprung to action. He took hold of Cullen’s hand and fade cloaked. He knew that his magick’s duration would be cut short considerably due to it being cast on an additional body so he quickly pulled Cullen along with him. 

The Commander seemed to know what spell he had cast and moved eagerly as they darted through the nearby door. They materialized a second later and Cullen covered Josh’s mouth as they heard Dorian and a few others move past. When they were certain no one was nearby, the Commander released Josh and flushed.

“T-Thank you.”

“Don’t speak to me.” Josh slurred as he unbuttoned his nightshirt and handed it to the ex-templar. At first Josh shook his head as Cullen gave him a confused look but it seemed the man understood that he needed to use it to cover himself. Josh didn’t want to see him in any state of undress. Once Cullen settled down with the shirt over his lower body, the mage tested the door to see that it was locked and nodded to himself after looking over the storage room filled various odds and ends that the Inquisition used from time to time. “We should go-“

“No.” Cullen affirmed and then sighed miserably. “Inventory inspection is only due at three bells- and that blasted Antivan took my armor and clothes! My tower’s key is in the pocket.”

“What should we do then?” Josh sneered and looked away from the handsome man seated beside him and scooted away. “I don’t want to be near you.”

“I don’t want to be near you either- but we’re stuck. Jim’s out with Mia on the battlements and he’s got my spare. By now everyone knows that I’m naked because of that altus and his big mouth…”

Josh scoffed and got up to his feet and shook his head.

“Correction: You’re stuck here. I’m going now. I don’t want to be stuck with a demon like you.” Josh said as he was about to intone his fade cloak again. He yelped when he felt Cullen jump to his feet and latch onto his arm. He felt his mana leave him and he tried to fight Cullen’s grip but the Commander pinned him to the wall and shook his head as Josh felt the last of his mana leave him.

“You’re staying here with me.” Cullen breathed against the mage’s skin. Josh flushed as the warm breath made the skin on his chest prickle as goose bumps began to form. He tried again to pull out of the larger man’s grip but ended up stuck between the wall and the Commander, who sighed sadly. “Stay. Don’t leave me like this.”

“Alright.” Josh nodded and ended up inadvertently taking in the Commander’s girth with a girlish yelp as he blushed and realized that his nightshirt had fallen from the former templar’s lap. “P-Please cover yourself.”

“What?” Cullen asked in confusion. The mage nudged his head downward and giggled when the Commander’s face turned bright red and he immediately let go of Josh to cover himself with the garment on the floor. “Oh Maker! I didn’t mean for this. I should have known better than to take on Josephine at Wicked Grace.”

“Serves you right.” Josh sneered and slid down to the ground against the wall. He however made sure that there was a large gap between himself and the Commander as Cullen sat down rested his head against the wall. The silence was filled with confusion and self hatred that Josh could feel but not understand. Worse yet was something Josh noticed.

On the first night spent with Cullen in the huge room with the balconies and stained glass, Josh was intrigued by the bracelet he wore. It He couldn’t understand why, but somehow wearing it calmed him. He made no effort to remove it but while looking at Cullen in his nakedness…the Inquisitor noted that Cullen wore the very same bracelet, with one half of the coin he wore.

Some time had gone by that the mage used to think about the bracelet he wore. He didn’t know how to bring it up to the Commander but he affirmed that he needed to stop being angry. Anger consumes like a raging flame through the forest of the heart. He knew that the man he was- was not angry at all but gentle and kind. Anger simply wasn’t Josh. Love yes- despair maybe…but never anger.

He looked at Cullen and flushed as he took in the man’s lines of muscles and how his form was well built and kept in shape. He imagined that he Commander often worked out to maintain such a powerful body. Images of how he fantasized about Cullen in Alara’s old quarters came to mind and he sighed faintly while wiping at sweat that rolled down his brow.

“Cullen.” Josh called. The former templar didn’t even bother to look at him and simply hummed. The mage shook his head in sadness. “I-I am sorry for all the hurtful things I said. You are not a demon nor are you a sad excuse of a man. Most of all…I’m sorry for whatever I did to you. Please forgive me.”

The Commander didn’t respond. There was a look of despondency in his eyes that made Josh worry as that same, heavy feeling radiated from the man in front of him. He crawled closer to the former templar and reached for one of his hands. He gave Cullen a sincere look as the Commander looked off into the distance and paid him no mind as Josh caressed his calloused palm.

“Please Cullen…I am sorry. You are my friend. I am tired of being angry and fearful. I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to insult you. I don’t want to hate you. I am incapable of hating you Cullen! Please…forgive me! I won’t hurt you again! I promise!” Josh begged as he took the larger man’s hand and brought it to his bare chest. The Commander’s hand brimmed with heat and made Josh’s skin flush with color as he then brought it to his lips and kissed at the ex-templar’s palm with tears clouding his vision. “I am leashed to you, Cullen. I feel what you feel. Please don’t shut me out. Please tell me what I did to you so I can make right by you, nas’falon.”

Josh wept but was pulled out of his sadness by a quick movement. Before he knew it, the Commander had pressed himself flush to the mage and grabbed his head. He forced their lips together and Josh could not hold back the gasp he made inside the larger man’s mouth. He could not believe what was happening. He moaned as Cullen charted his mouth with desperate yet loving licks that made the Inquisitor close his eyes in ease as Cullen cradled his neck and deepened the kiss.

The Inquisitor moaned as Cullen pulled away slowly, his own face covered in tears as he looked at Josh with sad eyes. Josh reached out for him but was pulled into a hug that filled him with warmth as Cullen pulled him into his lap and coiled around him. He felt Cullen’s hands at his back, gently caressing his exposed flesh as Josh smiled against his chest.

“Maker forgive me...I love you Joshua. I love you!” Cullen cried as he held the mage close. Josh suddenly felt his heart pound as Cullen pulled away tentatively to rest their foreheads against each other. He smiled sheepishly as the Inquisitor licked at his tears and shook his head as Cullen bawled. “I don’t deserve you!”

“Oh Cullen…” Josh whimpered as he rested his hands against Cullen’s chest, relishing in the hard muscle he traced. He still could not believe that what he touched was real. The Commander was strong and valorous. He loved what he touched and saw but most of all, he loved the soul he sensed inside. He needed to tell the man holding him. He needed to say it. “I-I feel as if I have known you my whole life. I love y-you too!”

The Commander pulled away and began to sniffle. He traced the burnt flesh at the mage’s neck, a feeling of dread settled in his heart but he knew that Cullen would not hurt him. He placed his hand over Cullen’s and smiled sadly.

“I…I did this to you. I b-broke you.”

“And I forgave you the moment I woke up afterward.” Josh kissed at his scar smiled as Cullen readjusted them so that his back was against the wall and the mage was in his lap, clinging to him and gently caressing at hardened flesh. He huddled against the man he loved and smiled as he managed to see the Commander smile too as he wiped at his tears. “I will never leave you, Cullen. We need each other. We are only for each other. Nothing else matters to me in his world but you and Sulahn.”

The Commander nodded and kissed at his brow. Josh flushed as Cullen nuzzled his face; his beard was pleasant against the clean shaven flesh on Josh’s face. He couldn’t help but smile as Cullen’s hands coiled around him, keeping him close and warm while their cheeks grinded.

“You feel good.” Cullen smiled as he stopped his nuzzle and kept his face close, such that their noses touched. Josh returned the smile.

“You feel…uh…” Josh was about to speak but he yelped when Cullen shifted his hips. He felt a hard thickness against his thigh and moaned loudly as it pressed against him. He blushed deeply and whimpered. “…hard.”

“H-Hard?” Cullen asked with a worried look. It was only when Josh pointed to his thigh that Cullen realized what he had meant. He flushed and looked away in shame. “I am sorry! H-Having you in my arms again got me excited- It’s um…been awhile. I haven’t touched myself since…y-you know.”

Cullen moved to get the nightshirt on the floor nearby but Josh stopped him with his hands and a pleading glance that made the Commander cock his head slightly.

“Josh?” He asked. The mage looked at him, his anxiety still there was somewhat cured by the handsome face in front of him. He traced a hand over Cullen’s abs and smiled coyly at the Commander looking at him with worried eyes.

“Can I…touch *it*?” The mage asked. His voice gave way and he flushed as he looked away- anywhere but at the man he loved. He felt a rough hand caress at his cheek and saw Cullen smile at him with a look of elation.

“Don’t be afraid. I am yours just as much as you are mine, Josh.” Cullen took hold of Josh’s hand and the mage gasped as his hand was guided to a warm, hard appendage that radiated intense heat. He felt the flesh stir at his touch and heard Cullen’s breath hitch as his small hand barely wrapped around it. “Nhhha…Maker…I missed your t-touch…”

The Commander moved to pulled down Josh’s breeches but the mage slapped his hands away and glared at him. Cullen gave him a worried look but Josh froze up in that moment. He let go of Cullen’s flesh and pulled away hastily as Cullen moved closed the distance between them and frowned.

“Is…something wrong?”

“N-No.” Josh shook his head. He reached out and traced a finger over Cullen’s chest and shuddered. Cullen’s body was perfect. He could do anything for the handsome, beautiful man in front of him. He gave Cullen a bashful beam. “I want you to take me but…I want to p-please you, Cullen. L-Let me comfort you and t-take care of y-you.”

Josh nearly giggled when he saw the flustered look Cullen had as he traced the mage’s hairline with his fingertips.

“Y-You want to please me?”

“It feels like it’s my purpose…like the Elder One…this Inquisition and everything else in this world comes second to your happiness. I don’t want to d-disappoint…you. I want you to be h-happy.” Josh nodded timidly as he began to nuzzle the man in front of him, taking pleasure in the feeling of their necks grinding against each other as Josh moved his hand to Cullen’s lap and took hold of the hardened flesh. He began a slow stroke that made him moan at the warmth that seeped through his flesh. Cullen’s skin was marvelous and he could feel the lust that Cullen had inside him- like a volcano, slowly building up to be released dramatically. 

He enjoyed the feeling of his hand moving over the large shaft and over the flared tip but what he enjoyed most was the low groans that Cullen made as he moved his hand, occasionally looking down to see if he was doing the right movements but from the way Cullen clung to him and the sheer love he radiated, it was evident that his efforts had the desired effects.

Josh then began to kiss his way down Cullen’s collarbone and chest until he reached the hardness in his hand. He heard the man he loved gasp as he licked lovingly at the slit and began to nuzzle the flesh with his cheeks. He could not help but relish in the feeling it brought as he nuzzled the warmth and kissed at the flesh. He then worked his way from the base and licked along the head, making sure use his free hand to cup Cullen’s heavy balls and gently massaged them between his fingers.

He smiled as he heard the man he loved moan as he took the length in his mouth. Josh managed to get most of it inside and began to bob his head back and forth, suckling eagerly at the flesh in his mouth. The raspy gasps he heard from Cullen made his own flesh harden, pushing vigorously against the cloth that covered him.

He began to taste the bittersweet taste of Cullen’s bittersweet pre, signaling that what he was doing was pleasing the Commander. He felt a hand settle over his hair and inwardly he smiled as he felt it guide him to take in the whole length. He nearly choked but he loved the feeling of Cullen’s hardness pressing at the back of his throat. While he could not keep Cullen so deeply for too long without the risk of gagging, he managed to make the ex-templar buck into his mouth erratically.

“Wait.” Cullen said as he tightened his grip on the mage’s hair and tugged hard. The mage gave him a sad look as he pulled away, wiped at his mouth and gazed at Cullen lovingly. The Commander looked at him lustily and beamed as he pointed to an empty table that looked like it was hastily pushed against the wall. “Get on there. I’ll prepare you.”

Josh nodded bashfully and moved over to the table. He rested on his back while Cullen stood at his legs. He traced his fingers along the mage’s shins and thighs and got a gasp as pleasure began to cloud Josh’s mind when the fingers traced his clothed balls.

Cullen then slowly removed the breeches, urging the mage not to move and let him do all the work. The Inquisitor sighed as he felt the cold air on his lower body but was soon filled with heat as Cullen’s hand wrapped around his cock and stroked slowly. The motion made Josh’s cock stiffen in his grip as Josh’s body curled in delight as Cullen’s hand slowly moved.

“Aah…C-Cullen…” Josh murmured as the fingers twisted around his shaft and began to stroke faster. He nearly jumped when he felt the free hand move down to his backside and tease slightly at the tight sphincter, but he ended up sandwiched in place as the Commander took the opportunity to straddle him and lift his legs for better access to his entrance. A deep flush covered Josh’s body as he felt the desire inside Cullen brim with intense heat that he could only equate to the sun’s flames.

“Cast *Grease*, my love.” Cullen smiled at him. It took the mage a few seconds to understand what the man meant but he quickly intoned his magicks and handed the Commander a large bead of thick lubricant. He looked away in shame as Cullen began to coat his fingers in it and began to rub some of the grease at his entrance. He then pressed a thick finger again over it and looked over at Josh who mewled as Cullen’s other hand tweaked at one of his nipples, filling him with pleasured moans that made Cullen titter. “Oh Maker…I love how you sound when I’m pleasuring you.”

“Hha…”

“Are you ready?” Cullen asked, the mage managed a nod and nearly screamed as the finger was inserted slowly. He felt his insides hug tightly onto the finger that slowly but surely worked him open. A few times, he flailed his arms as the intense pleasure blocked out his senses and all he could do was moan as the man pleasuring him fingered with a second digit and began to stroke him. He gasped as he came all over his chest and flushed as Cullen slowly pulled out his finger and kissed at his cheek. “Are you alright?”

Josh nodded again, his cheeks ablaze as he looked away but Cullen turned his face and kissed as his cheek.

“It’s alright.”

“But I wanted you inside me when I come, Cullen.”

“Of course, love. That…can still be arranged” Cullen smiled impishly as he began to stroke at his swollen shaft and aimed it to Josh’s contracted opening. When Josh felt the tip at his entrance, his whimpered and looked at Cullen with horror filled eyes.

“It won’t f-fit…” Josh griped but Cullen silenced him with a kiss to his neck as Cullen hovered over him with his flesh covered with redness and sweat.

“It fits perfectly. We were made for each other.”

Josh nodded, somewhat reassured by Cullen’s words but still anxious as he watched Cullen intently. His mind however was wretched from his Commander’s face when he felt Cullen’s hardness enter him slowly and he gasped, his hands coiled around the ex-templar instinctively as Cullen moaned into his ear as he pulled out and pushed inside again with a series of thrusts. Josh cried out as Cullen entered him little by little, a strange feeling washed over him as the larger man began to nuzzle his neck as he thrust inside completely. Josh whimpered as Cullen stopped moving and kissed tenderly at his cheek. He flushed as he saw the Commander grin as they stared at each other for a while, unmoving and utterly engulfed by the fullness of Cullen being inside him.

“You were right.” Cullen smiled. Josh curled against him as the older man brushed a long lock of hair from the mage’s eyes. Josh looked at him with a look of bamboozlement; half mixed with the intense feeling of Cullen’s hardness inside him.

“I don’t remember s-saying anything.”

Cullen giggled as he pulled out. Josh sighed as he felt empty but yelped as he was filled to the brim a moment later. He could not believe that Cullen managed to fit inside him. The Commander was absolutely right. They did fit perfectly. Josh cried out as the Commander proceeded to thrust into him and began to pick up speed.

“You…ngh…told me before all this happened that I was your home.” Cullen purred as he stilled for a moment and cupped the mage’s jaw. Josh could not help but marvel at Cullen’s handsomeness and his strong body as he continued thrusting. The Commander then kissed at Josh’s neck and smiled against his flesh. “I am home now- being inside you feels so natural to me. I w-would never leave if it was possible.”

“Oh Cullen…” Josh managed to moan as Cullen’s thrusts became faster. 

He gripped hard at Cullen’s chest and cried with each movement that filled him and emptied him, the immense love and desire inside the both of them filling his heart with a profound feeling that shook the mage to his very core. He could not get over how loved he felt as Cullen breathed against him and kissed at his enflamed flesh but the feeling didn’t last.

Josh whined as beneath all the feelings he felt, he had a sudden, foreign urge to move away from Cullen but his body made no effort to act on the impulse. The mage felt confusion outside and yelped as he tilted his head backward. He saw, albeit upside down that the door was unlocked and pushed open. When he saw Mia and Jim standing there, gawking and flushed red as they didn’t know what to do, Josh turned his gaze to Cullen, who was still thrusting into him eagerly and glaring angrily at the intruders. The thrusts made Josh moan loudly. He tried to silence himself but the pleasure he felt was too great and he could do naught but close his eyes and will the pair and the others behind them away.

“GET OUT.” Cullen commanded and the door was shut without delay with the sounds of concerned people. Luckily, Josh heard Mia assert herself and he felt the crowd of worry and fear disperse. He opened his eyes when he felt Cullen kiss at his chest. “Maker, that was bad…”

“C-Cullen…” Josh cried as he came when Cullen licked at one of his nipples. His seed ended up squashed between their chests as the former-templar began to thrust even faster, his movements more erratic as Josh’s insides squeezed hard on the flesh inside him.

The mage could not prepare himself for the sound of elation that escaped the Commander’s lips. He relished in that guttural noise as Cullen’s cock twitched inside him and he felt it: White hot warmth that filled him, coating his insides in it as Cullen hugged at his body and kept himself inside the mage to the hilt. Josh’s mouth fell open as Cullen continued to spurt inside him. He mewled as he felt the liquid heat dribble out of him even as Cullen remained inside him.

Josh relished in every second that Cullen remained. He could not articulate how much it he loved the feeling so all he could manage was a breathy sigh as Cullen kissed at his lips and smiled sheepishly as he began to pull out. The mage gasped as he felt the seed slosh out him and gasped when Cullen lay down beside him on the table with a content grin on his face.

“Mia will make sure that everyone knows we’re together now…”

“W-Why didn’t you stop?”

Cullen flushed and looked away. Josh found it to be utterly cute. He clasped his fingers in Cullen’s and smirked at him.

“You are my home. I never want to leave you.”

“I…” Josh kissed at his scar and straddled his hips with a haughty smile. “I am yours, Cullen. Take me again.”

“Gladly, my love.” Cullen kissed at his marked and Josh could not hold back the grin he had as immense love filled his heart and mind, drowning out all the other emotions. All that was left was his Lion.

 

\---

 

At the five bells war meeting that Josh called after a brief play session with Sulahn and Cullen, Leliana confirmed that Corypheus was looking for an elven ruin in the Arbor Wilds and Josephine brought up an important fact, that all would be lost if the magister got to the eluvian first. The advisors argued but Josh managed to rein them in and told them to work together to find the eluvian first.

The Inquisitor smiled as he saw his men in high spirits: knowing that the mage and Commander had been reunited. He rode with Solas, Bethany, Cassandra and Morrigan and greeted Empress Celene and King Alistair, both of which lent their support for the battle to come. Alistair however left for the front lines with Josh. They managed to cut a path through the Elder One’s Red Templars and Venatori to allow Josh and his group to make it to the final blockade. It heartened him to watch Fiona and Barris fight side by side with Alara and the others against the Elder One’s lackeys but what really heartened him was when he saw Branson trail after him and protect him from arrows and blades with his sword and shield.

Cullen left Rylen in charge and followed the Inquisitor but Josh gave him an angry look, Alistair mirrored his look at the Commander. Josh didn’t want Cullen to end up in danger. The ex-templar would be where the most fighting would be if he followed.

“I want you to stay here, Cul.”

“No, I am coming with you.” Cullen snarled as he looked at Cassandra. The Seeker glared at him but the Commander was unfazed. “Nothing short of death will keep me from helping you.”

“I…Alright.” Josh nodded as he then pointed to Cassandra. “Help Rylen please. Cullen wants to come too.”

“Negligent…but I understand. Go Commander. Keep the Inquisitor safe.” She smiled as she moved to the soldiers.

Alistair then placed a hand on Cullen’s shoulder and gave him a mocking glance with a raised dirty blonde brow. Josh sensed the amusement inside him. He also sensed that Alistair cared about Cullen- that the time they spent together in Orlais had made them friends beyond what words could describe. He was like how Josh felt about Solas. A soul friend, someone he could bare his soul to.

“And here I thought you’d remain with me so we could trade quips. No matter, you must come to Denerim after this. You, Josh and I can have a drink together.”

“I look forward to that.”

“Me too.” Josh smiled as he kissed at Cullen’s exposed neck. He relished in the feeling of the neck stubble that pricked at his lips but he didn’t mind the discomfort. They then heard someone cough with disgust. Josh pulled away and giggled as he took in the irate look on Morrigan’s face.

“Oh, go on! You are both making me ill!”

“Believe it or not, she did that almost every time Spitfire and Leli kissed.” Alistair tittered. Morrigan scoffed and pointed to the Temple, making Josh remember why they were in the forest in the first place.

“We need to go inside *before* the lunatic destroys us all- but by all means kiss away. ‘Twill be the death of us.”

“S-Sorry…” The mage stammered and smiled at Alistair. “Please give my regards to Queen Anora.”

The King nodded and wished the group well as Cullen took point with Josh and Branson while the others trailed behind them. They walked through a long passageway and ended up at a set of stairs. They saw that the Elder One was accompanied by Calpernia and Samson, who spoke about a *Well of Sorrows*. Josh felt Cullen’s blood boil as he caught the Commander glaring at the raven-haired man but he managed to keep the man’s anger under control by touching his shoulder. They watched in horror as Corypheus set off a trap and it destroyed his body and several elves that defended the temple, allowing his servants to cross the bridge unharmed. 

When they reached the bridge, they had enough time to watch the enslaved Grey Wardens, Red Templars and the Venatori get into the temple proper but there was an unspoken animosity between Calpernia and Samson. Josh could sense the doubt and unease Calpernia radiated. Samson however was completely blind. He could tell that he would not be able to appeal to his empathy.

Morrigan let out a cry when she saw the body of a Grey Warden rise from the dead and the Elder One began to tear himself free from it.

“It cannot be!”

“Across the bridge! Move!” Josh shouted as he intoned a Haste spell. Solas had told him that his magic and his fighting skills remained largely intact due to muscle memory. As such he was able to use the spell to spirit them across the bridge faster than normally but, they heard the Red Lyrium dragon as it landed and bee-lined for them, much quicker than their steps.

Cullen reached the doors first and used his enhanced strength to push the doors closed once everyone else was inside before the dragon could get through. When the door shut, it sealed completely and the only way to go was forward, deeper into the Temple of Mythal. 

“Is everyone alright?” The Commander asked. Everyone nodded which made Josh sigh in relief.

“That thing just came back! From the bloody dead!” Branson yelped with a frightened look in his eyes.

“Josh…this is bad! We won’t be able to kill him!” Bethany said; her eyes and self filled with anxiety. Cullen however took hold of her hand and managed to calm her down

“We will have to find a way then.” Josh nodded at his Commander’s thinking.

“Archdemons possess the same ability as what we witnessed. I saw it myself atop Fort Drakon but…there may yet be a way.”

Josh then confronted Morrigan when he recalled Calpernia speaking of a “Well of Sorrows” to Samson and the Elder One, knowing little of what could be meant by it. It was similar to what the spirits spoke of in his dreams but not quite as he knew in his heart that it wasn’t an eluvian. Josh heard Branson chuckle to himself when he gave the witch a frustrated snarl, cut her short, and decided to check out the vestibule with Branson and Bethany. He stepped on a tile and marveled as it lit up with ethereal light. Branson however didn’t want to go near the tiles and held Bethany back. Josh thought that the look of concern he had was very cute and he hoped that the soldier would never harm Bethany in future.

“I see he is warming up to your irritating brother.” The mage heard the witch cuss. Josh looked back at her and scoffed as Morrigan shook her head and glowered when Solas gave her a sideways look. Josh returned his attention to the inscription in front of him, his mind bouncing between the etching and the words of the horrid witch speaking to the Commander. “Looks like you and Lady Hawke are the only ones not giving me the evil eye. Lovely.”

“Atish’all vir’abelasan. *Enter the path of the Well of Sorrows.*” Josh translated as Cullen moved close to the altar and stepped beside the mage. When he did so, the tile he stepped on lit up all the others and the Knight-Enchanter immediately pulled him away from the tiles to the steps and smiled bashfully at Cullen when he saw them all lose their light. “I…see. Stay here, vhenan. If more than one person walks, it resets the magic.”

Cullen nodded to him and the mage moved about the tiles alone, making sure he touched each one without moving onto the same one twice. When he finished, the magic lit up all the tiles and the doors to the temple opened the way forward.

“Was this like knocking on the temple doors to the ancient elves, I wonder?” Morrigan asked.

“Maybe- It looks like there’s something up there. Let’s go over there before we go inside. Might find something useful.” Bethany pointed to a balcony adjoining to the level of the doors. Cullen watched Branson move to stop her but Josh grabbed his arm and shook his head and told him to give her some freedom. While the woman was too caring at times, she could take care of herself. 

They made their way into a room with a few boxes with elvhen weapons but what caught Morrigan’s attention was a rather large statue of a wolf on the balcony, littered with a few offerings. Josh had to admit that the statue caught his eye too. It was…breath-taking, even as old as it was. It was finely crafted and well taken care of. It…reminded him of a spirit that watched him during his sleep from a distance.

“Why is *this* here?”

“Something wrong, witch?” Branson sneered and Morrigan gave him a dirty look as Josh moved beside her. Cullen moved close too and took in the wolf’s large visage. 

“This depicts the Dread Wolf, Fen’Harel. Having a statue of him here is as blasphemous as painting Andraste naked in the chantry.”

The mage looked at the statue with a thoughtful expression as he touched its many lines and ridges. He pulled away from it with a content look and turned to the witch with an idea of what it could mean.

“Perhaps it speaks of a relationship that the Dread Wolf has with Mythal that we do not understand.”

“Insightful. Where did you think that up?”

“I do not remember- I do know however that we all lack information. We need more. Conjectures are fine and all but we need proof.”

“Agreed.” Solas gave the mage a hearty nod and Josh returned it in kind with a genuine beam. Solas was many things but he knew just as the mage did that there was something profound about Mythal and Fen’Harel’s relationship.

As they returned to the doors to the temple itself, Josh explained a bit on Mythal and his knowledge made the former templar uneasy. Cullen voiced that he liked a good story so long as it remained such and every second he spent in the temple made him more anxious. That was something Josh could gauge but his presence did make the older man feel at ease. 

They entered a hallway and opened a large door to reveal a beautiful room filled with roots, water and the Elder One’s cronies barring the path ahead. They heard a loud crash as Calpernia blasted a large hole into the upper floor and jumped inside with Samson to get a head start to the heart of the temple.

“Shit.” Branson cursed as they got surrounded by Venatori and Grey Wardens from the left and Red Templars from the right hand side but Cullen was quick. He bull rushed a nearby Red Templar and intoned fire as he struck, his blade cut through the unfortunate soul’s chest like hot butter. Bethany used a few spells and forcefields when Branson got overpowered to keep him safe.

Josh opted to dual wield the staff-spear Cullen commissioned for him and proceeded to hold his own without using magic. When the final spellbinder tried to run, Josh flailed out his hook and yanked himself forward, impaling the Venatori spellbinder onto his harpoon. He turned to his companions and couldn’t help the bashful look he had when the Commander grinned at him with a wink.

They moved upstairs towards the hole, but Morrigan stopped them to point out the adjoining chamber. Cullen gave her a dirty look as she explained that following the paths of honoring Mythal would be the better option than merely jumping inside the deep end of the temple as trespassers. Josh had to admit, he felt the same. It would be wrong to despoil the temple for their *noble* reasons. Rather, they could respect the lore and only tread where required. However, he could understand Cullen’s agitation.

“My soldiers are fighting out there! Every moment we waste means more will die. Please Josh, we need to move!” Cullen pleaded with his lover and was surprised when Branson echoed his concerns. The Inquisitor was surprised as well.

“I agree. The more we dawdle, the more lives will be lost.”

Bethany remained silent but Solas moved over to the Inquisitor with a resolute look as he turned to Morrigan in mutual understanding.

“For once, I agree with the witch. This place is filled with ancient power; it would be wise of us to honor Mythal as pilgrims, not as trespassers.”

Josh gave the witch a curious look as she led him closer to the door and made her case. He listened as she spoke of how humanity blundered through the ages, destroying things that it did not understand. It sounded utterly romantic as she said that she wished to protect the lore of the world but Josh gave her a dirty look as she insulted his intelligence.

“I know about the price of drinking from its waters. Do you take me for a fool Morrigan? I might have forgotten my own name but I didn’t forget how to read elvhen.”

The witch looked at him, taken aback at his perceptiveness. She apologized and told him that she would drink from the Well if it opportunity arose but the mage had none of it. He told her not to, that she had to think of Kieran. The boy needed his mother. In that moment, Josh realized that his sense of right and wrong remained. He kept that at least, according to what Cullen and the others had told him of his exploits with the Inquisition.

Josh scanned the rooms filled with the pilgrimage paths to open the door, much to the Rutherford brothers’ dismay. When he had an idea of what to do to save the most amount of time, he split everyone up, explained to them that they must not walk the paths together but instead help each other to complete the path: Morrigan and Solas would walk the dual tier walkways, Branson and Bethany would walk on the flat walkways and at the Commander’s behest, Cullen himself and Josh would tread the levered walkways.

When they moved to their respect areas, Cullen gave the mage a sad look when his Mark flared up a little, making Josh grit his teeth.

“Does it hurt much?”

“Always.” Josh spoke as Cullen moved to the central path and stood at the lever, awaiting the mage to reset the walkways and start his pilgrimage around the room. “I can feel your unease. I am sorry you don’t like what I’ve decided.”

“I trust you but…do my emotions increase your suffering?” Cullen asked in a worried tone that made the mage give him a sideways look. Cullen regained his composure and pulled the lever once Josh reached the gate.

“It feels like my arm is engulfed in flames at times…” Josh rasped as he made the bend and reached the other side, then moved over to the next gate. The Josh looked at the Commander but felt the man’s bravery take a hit and instead, guilt filled him. Cullen looked at the floor as he pulled the lever again and the mage finished the movement, filling the floor with ephemeral light and song, and then circled back around to the sad Commander. He placed a hand on Cullen’s shoulder but the lion didn’t respond as he hoped. “Your presence makes it bearable, my love.”

Cullen’s mood didn’t improve and Josh felt his guilt intensify. The ex-templar moved past the Knight-Enchanter as swiftly as possible but Josh caught his hand with a worried look. The blonde frowned as Marked fingers traced his own. He let out a long sigh then looked away from the mage.

“I am killing you slowly.”

“We will get through this.” Josh gave him a sympathetic glance as he cupped the former-templar’s cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Cullen nodded and the mage smiled bashfully as they left the room to go to the unlocked door with the others.

“My handsome lion…” Josh took his hand and placed it around his shoulder and leaned towards the larger man with a small grin as he took in the flushed cheeks the Commander had. “Your wolf will always walk at your side.”

 

\---

 

Josh had managed to forge an alliance with the sentinels of the temple, much to his human companions’ surprise and his elven allies’ relief. However, Morrigan flew off to stop Abelas from destroying the Well. Josh flew after her to stop her as it was the elf’s right to destroy it if need be. 

Cullen and the rest of the group followed a female sentinel into a deeper part of the temple and found themselves in awe of the golds and greens it had. It was beyond anything Cullen could imagine.

The Commander chuckled a few times when Solas wandered off with veilfire and scribbled down some runes he spotted into Alara’s sketchbook. Their guide used colorful elvhen to chastise the elf but the bald elf didn’t seem bothered by it. He smiled ear to ear as the Commander watched him and Cullen realized that the elf was making sketches the entire time he was in the Temple and forest. It seemed that wanted to show Alara what she was missing while she was helping Fiona and Barris. 

As much as Cullen trusted Josh, he was worried about the mage. It was a sentiment shared by his companions as they rushed outside after a fight, side by side with the sentinels against some Grey Wardens, Venatori and Red Templars to see the Well of Sorrows in the distance. They also heard the sound of blades meeting and it made Cullen’s heart quicken. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, they saw Josh fighting Samson, two on one as Calpernia used her magics to addle the Red Templar.

“Vishante kaffas! Die already!” She cried as she summoned up a huge fireball and flung it at Samson, who tried to leap out off the way but Josh froze him and fade stepped to safety. 

“Inquisitor. Thank you for this…I…” Calpernia nodded to Josh smiled at her briefly.

“What’s going on here?” Cullen glared at the Tevinter mage but Josh moved in front of her and snarled. He turned back to Calpernia with a warm look that made the Commander double take.

“Make Tevinter a better place, Calpernia. Vitae benefaria.” Josh bowed to her and she returned it with a genuine smile. Cullen realized that perhaps he judged her too harshly as Josh was able to sense intent and emotion thus, he would know her heart better.

“Na via lerno victoria, somniari. I will do my best.” Cullen nodded as Calpernia left. Josh gave him a grave look as he looked at Samson, still breathing- somewhat charred and wheezing in agony. He then smiled at the Commander with flushed cheeks.

“She did all this for Tevinter. I will not kill anyone who can be reasoned with. He…however I will leave for Belle. I was told that he wronged her so she will decide his fate at Skyhold.”

“Ma nuvinen ma fen.” Cullen nodded, somewhat disappointed that he didn’t get to fight Samson but he was happy to Josh alive and well.

As Cullen and the others were about to approach the Well of Sorrow, Abelas ran past and used magic to form the way to the Well of Sorrows with stray stones, a bird followed him closely. Cullen darted up the makeshift stairs his companions following close behind. Morrigan reformed into herself to block off the elf, but Josh intercepted her in his raven form and pushed her away from Abelas, who gave the mage a content look.

“Let go of me!”

“No. We came here to stop the Vessels of the Elder One, not to tamper with the Well- we have stopped his goons and now it is time to leave!” Josh gritted his teeth as he spoke and the ancient sentinel let out a sigh of relief but Morrigan pushed on.

An argument broke out and Abelas decided to step in. Cullen was surprised by the civility the elf had with Josh, as if he spoke to a dear friend that knew all his life. The Commander was still wary but it never ceased to amaze him how Josh could persuade and befriend even the most hostile of people.

Abelas explained that the Well of Sorrows was all that was left of the great temple of Mythal and that each time they awakened to defend it, the world was so different. Cullen watched as Josh nodded to the elf in understanding. After all was said and done, Abelas granted Josh permission to decide who would drink from the well because the Elder One would destroy everything and he believed the Inquisitor came with good intentions for the Well of Sorrows. He earned the right to do as he pleased with it.

“Ma serannas, ma falon.” Josh greeted him after Solas spoke to him in elvhen. The Commander stood awkwardly as the elf left them to their own devices. Josh and Morrigan stood side by side in front of the Well afterward, an uneasy air hung about them.

Morrigan pointed out that the Well was the key to using Mythal’s last eluvian. Cullen cringed slightly when he saw it behind the Well, remembering the odd realm that lie inside it: the Crossroads. When Josh turned to the group to decide who would drink from it, Solas immediately clammed up. Bethany shook her head as she looked at the waters with dread, Cullen himself and Branson were out of the question but they expressed that Morrigan should drink from it.

The witch smiled when she heard them vouching for her but the smile vanished and Cullen felt his heart drop when Josh silenced her and glowered at her.

“I can’t allow you to drink from it.” Josh shook his head fervently and pointed at the witch with anger in his eyes. “Think of Kieran. He needs his mother.”

“And Sulahn needs her father.” Morrigan retorted. Josh hesitated slightly but recovered as he looked at Cullen and grinned sadly. He gave Cullen the same look he had at Haven when he decided to stand against the Elder One alone. 

“She has Cullen. I will drink from it.”

“This will be wasteful. “Tis a mistake.” Morrigan fumed but the mage ignored her and stepped inside the Well.

“Says who?”

“I do.” Morrigan snarled but Josh ignored her and gave her a glower as Cullen moved over to the edge.

“Then let it be a waste. I lost my memories- but I know in my heart…the man I was would never allow you to jeopardize the future you have with Kieran. Never!” Josh shouted as he looked at Morrigan and the glare turned into a warm smile when the witch reeled backward in shock at his sincerity.

The mage turned to his sister then to Cullen, who stood at the steps of the Well. Josh beckoned him to enter and the Commander obliged; he let out a slight cringe as he felt an otherworldly cold wash over his flesh through his armor and clothes. He knew in that moment that there was something deep and powerful in the waters. It terrified him somewhat but when Josh took hold his hand, the feeling dispelled and all that remained was his best friend.

“I know that you’ve decided this for yourself…but I can’t help but feel like I’m losing you again.” The former templar said as Josh traced his cheek with a sad smile. He tried to return the smile but instead his will waivered and he pulled Josh into a sudden hug.

“Cullen…” Josh whimpered as the Commander tightened his hold on the mage. He completely forgot that the others were watching them and kept his arms around his mage, the water at their knees, cold and pleasant despite the ex-templar’s discomfort. He pulled away when Josh pushed at his chest with a worried look that he aimed at Morrigan. “There’s a geas. I can hear them. They’ve all given themselves to Mythal. You do not want their voices in your head.”

“I…” The witch looked at Josh with concern that made Cullen anxious. “What of you? You have a great deal of elvhen lore but this geas…I worry, my friend.”

“My templar will take care of me. He knows the signs to look for and…” Josh turned to Cullen and smiled bashfully. “He will not fail me. There is no one I trust more than him.”

The Commander nodded and returned to the others. He watched as Josh plunged himself down into the waters and screamed when the water burst out. The group ducked to dodge the torrent but the cold waters never met them and all that remained in the now empty well was Josh, flat on his back, unresponsive to them crying out his name in concern.

Cullen rushed forward and slid down to his knees, bringing the mage to his chest with teary eyes as Josh’s skin cooled to the touch. He saw his companions circle around him as he stroked the unconscious mage’s hairline and let out a sharp gasp when the mage bolted upright, a scared look on his face as he pulled away, green light radiating from his eyes. 

“Hima fen, hara vherain- i’ve is ir’vera ir vhenan…leanash josh, ir nadas hasa!” The Knight-Enchanter bawled as he moved away from everyone but cooled down once he saw Solas. The elven apostate took his hand and smiled sadly as they moved over to Cullen. The ex-templar took his friend’s hand and smiled when their eyes met. The mage flushed deeply as Cullen smiled at him. “…I…That was upsetting.”

“I was so afraid.” Cullen wrapped his hands around the mage and Josh eased into his hold.

“Now is not the time brother!” Branson shouted as he pointed to the door they entered from and Cullen heard Corypheus snarl in anger. He levitated himself forward at an alarming speed but Josh was quicker. He rushed to the eluvian and touched it, opening it to the Crossroads and ushered everyone inside with his flaring Mark.

“Go! Into the mirror! Now!”

Cullen stopped and waited as the Inquisitor gave him a worried look laced with intense pain. The Commander took hold of his wrist as Josh intoned an ice spell to slow down the Elder One. A woman made from water and ice appeared where the Well was and nodded to Josh as the mage turned and pulled Cullen through the eluvian. They heard a the distinct singing of glass shattering as they ran for it and ended up back in Skyhold at Morrigan’s eluvian. Josh touched the mirror and it shut at his behest.

It was a victory against the Elder One and Josh decided to relax for the rest of the day. He spent a large amount of time with Solas in private but Cullen didn’t mind as the elf would know best how to mitigate Josh’s discomfort from the Mark. 

Cullen took the opportunity to check on Sulahn, then he went to see Sera but the elf scoffed and ignored him still since their spat when Josh’s mind was shattered. He then spent some time with Mia and Rosalie in the library and then went to the chapel to pray while the others went about their business. 

He was surprised to hear the door open as he knelt down to begin his prayer. He got to his feet and smiled upon seeing Bethany and Branson. The pair looked at each other with worried looks and blushing cheeks as they approached the Commander.

“What would you have of- Oh.” Cullen murmured as he felt hands encircle his form. He looked at his brother hugging him and couldn’t help but hug him in return with a small grin as he looked at Bethany who remained standing near the door. “W-What’s brought this on?”

“I am sorry for everything Cullen! I am so sorry…” Branson bawled, prompting the Commander to tighten his hold on the soldier. He managed to see a smile on Bethany’s face as he did so. The man in his arms continued to cry and shook his head. “Maker…he’s so loving and gentle…I should never have-“

“Hush, brother.” Cullen smiled as he pulled away from his brother and slapped slightly at his flushed cheeks. “He changed you, didn’t he?”

The soldier managed a nod and the Commander grinned as Bethany approached.

“Thank you for not killing this foolish idiot.” The force mage simpered as she clasped her fingers with Branson’s and kissed at his forehead. “You know…I’ve never truly been happy since brother d-died. But I feel it now. He will not hurt me. I only see love in his eyes and it’s all because of Josh.”

“Yes.” Cullen nodded as his grin faltered. Branson was about to reach for him but Cullen waved him off. “Enjoy our victory while you can. Once Josh calls for the next war meeting- well…we’ll have to see what comes next.”

Both the mage and soldier nodded and left after Cullen asked for some time alone. He knelt in front the statue of Andraste and began to say a few verses from the Chant of Light that always calmed him down and renewed his faith in the Maker and his love for Josh.

 

Though all before me is shadow,

Yet shall the Maker be my guide.

I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond-

 

Cullen heard the door behind him open and smiled when saw dark blonde hair and he heard a voice that elated him.

“Praying for victory?” Josh smiled as he closed the door and approached with graceful steps. Cullen grinned as he stood up and pulled his mage into a tight embrace of affection. Cullen massaged at his back with slow loving strokes as the mage curled against him.

“I am praying for those we have lost and those…I am afraid to lose.” Cullen admitted bashfully as Josh pulled his face away so they could look at each other.

“You’re afraid for me?”

“Of course.” The Commander nodded sadly as he recalled the Elder One and how he managed to cheat death at the Temple of Mythal. “Maker’s breath Joshua- You are my entire world…and I must send you to him.”

Josh nodded, mirroring Cullen’s sadness and shook his head as his tears began to flow.

“What if I don’t come back? I’m afraid Cullen-“ Josh whimpered but Cullen pulled him into a desperate kiss and cradled his head. The mage stopped crying and bowed his head down as the Commander pulled away and glared at him.

“You will come back.”

“Cullen…”

“Say it, Josh! You will come back to me. I cannot think otherwise.”

“I…” Josh nodded; Cullen smiled as the mage regained his composure and hugged tightly to his chest. “I will come back to you!”

“Good.” Cullen said as he adjusted so that he could graze Josh’s neck with his neck stubble. The feeling of the mage’s soft flesh against him was so delightful but what made Cullen happy was the moan he got from the mage as he did so. He began to kiss at Josh’s neck and then pulled away and rested his forehead against Josh’s with closed eyes. He heard his mage sigh contently as they held each other close.

“I love you, Cullen.”

“I love you too, Trevelyan.”

 


	13. Wild Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen learned that the Well of Sorrows changed Josh in many ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Last of the Light (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell.

Josh settled back into his quarters adjoining to Cullen’s tower once Samson was brought to Skyhold for judgment. 

The Commander was happy to have his best friend within arm’s reach again and the mage seemed to enjoy the idea of seeing Cullen whenever he wanted to. But he really looked forward to watching Samson suffer at the hand of Lady Belle.

Cullen knew that Josh would never be the same anymore but they would work together to repair what was lost and make new memories with Sulahn. To the little elf girl, it was like Josh never changed. He loved her completely, but for the moment both men watched eagerly as Belle moved over to Samson with a grimace.

The Inquisitor had given her free rein to do whatever she wished with the templar. She circled him a few times; her hand balled as she took in his burned face and charred armor. She then turned to Cullen and nodded.

“You will give the Inquisition information for your life.” She pointed to the Commander and he approached as the Inquisitor nodded to her. ‘The Commander will be your handler. Consider yourself lucky.”

“Lucky? Girl ‘lucky’ is the fact you got away. This is not ‘lucky’. This is hell!” Samson spat at her but she stopped anyone from punishing him as she used her sleeve to wipe it away. She moved behind him as the crowd looked on as her spirit blade manifested where her hand was and she laughed.

“You are lucky.” Belle shouted as she ran the blade over his right hand and cut it off in a swift motion. The main hall filled with Samson screaming, begging for mercy and the crowd gasped as Belle moved over to his left ear and sliced it off. The soldiers held the former Red Templar firmly as he fought against the bonds and cried out in pain as he bled. “Too valuable to kill but you will suffer for what your people did to everyone…to Arlene, to Devon…Thank you for making me the woman I am now. I am no longer afraid of the Red. I am no longer afraid to fight for my friends.”

She moved over to him and she bowed with a smile as Cullen ordered his men to take Samson to the dungeons and for the servants to clean up the blood on the floor. He watched as Josh hugged her and grinned as she nodded to him in thanks. She disappeared into the tavern with Cole on her arm as Josh came Cullen’s way with a haughty grin.

“He doesn’t know it but he has created one hell of a Knight-Enchantress.” Josh smiled at Cullen as he traced the Commander’s hairline and blushed. “Lady Annabelle of Highever is now a force to be reckoned with. I’m proud of her.”

“She is. Anyways…Will I see you tonight?” Cullen asked as they left the main hall for the lower archives. The mage looked at him with a sad look and shook his head. 

“After I help Alexius and Rosalie with their research, I promised to help Varric when he reads to the children later. He wants me to shapeshift as he reads. Sulahn likes it so we want to see if the others like it too. Then I’m off to see Solas.”

“You spend a lot of time with him.” Cullen opened the door and Rosalie beamed as she dusted a few shelves and archived several books. Alexius waved at them as he paged through an old book and wrote down some notes in a pristine tome with his quill.

“Jealous?”

“Of Solas?” Cullen asked with a confused look and the Knight-Enchanter chuckled as he moved over to Rosalie and helped her reach a tall shelf that she could not reach. “No.”

“You are!” Josh chortled as he turned to Rosalie and grinned. “Look at him, Commander of the Inquisition and jealous of a man I consider my brother. Really Cullen?”

“I’m not jealous!”

“You are brother, admit it.” Rosalie kissed her brother’s cheek and pushed him outside as she shut the door.

“I am not!”

“You are.” He heard Alexius chuckle from the other side of the door. “Don’t argue with these two. You’ll end up with a headache.”.

The Commander was concerned that drinking from the Well of Sorrows would alter Josh in many ways. At first he felt stupid as Josh remained the same as he was after forgetting, but that was before the long naps started.

Time to time, Josh would sleep for a few hours for no reason. He would feint weakness or sickness to retire to his tower and nap. Cullen tried to awaken him once, Josh didn’t respond at first until Cullen touched his cheek and the mage would get startled and speak in elvhen that the Commander did not understand. Cullen then caressed his skin and the mage would calm down.

He also noticed that Josh was more limber than before. Not in a muscular way but Josh reacted faster and was more flexible. It was evident when Cullen by mistake knocked the mage off his feet, face first during a spar, as he rushed over to help the mage up, Josh rolled into a ball and sprang to his feet at an uncanny speed and caught the former-templar off guard with a corkscrew kick to the head. Cullen mused over the fact that perhaps it had to do with the Well. He also mused over ramming into Josh and seeing how much he could get the mage to contort himself as Cullen pushed into him in the most intimate way.

The Commander slept at Josh’s side most nights and a few times it did end up sexual, but there was no penetration involved. Josh wasn’t interested in taking Cullen and often times would relish in the act of sucking his Commander’s cock or stroking him to a loud finish. The ex-templar wasn’t ready to take Josh just yet so he took extra time to learn every contour of the mage’s body with his tongue and fingers. He managed to get the Knight-Enchanter to make some delighted noises he never heard before and it made him swell up to know he was the one who elicited those magical sounds from the mage.

However as time went by, Josh spent more and more of his time with Solas. It didn’t really bother Cullen until one day Alara came back from a day out with the elven apostate with tears streaming down her eyes and her vallaslin missing. He admitted to himself that it was hard to concentrate on the crying elf because of the lack of tree-like tattoos on her ivory skin but he comforted her nonetheless and found out that Solas ended his relationship with her, albeit with great sadness.

When Cullen told Josh what had happened in his tower, the mage told him that he knew, that Solas had told him. What Solas did made Josh angry but the anger subsided within seconds and he gave Cullen a sad smile.

“Sometimes it is better to let go before you end up hurting the people you love. Maybe he felt it was the right thing to do.”

“Regardless, he hurt her and you need to talk to him.” Cullen sneered as he gave Josh a confused look. “Why do seem happy about this? He broke your sister’s heart.”

“I am not happy. I am at peace. Solas is a good, trusted friend and I know he would never end things with Alara unless he had a very good reason.” Josh looked at Cullen will a small frown. “You make it sound like I wanted her heart to break.”

“Did you?”

“No, never. I get the feeling you are still jealous that I spend so much time with Solas.”

“I am not.”

“Oh really?”

“What do you do with him anyways? You leave for hours on end; Skyhold comes to a standstill when you go on jaunts with the elf.” Cullen looked at Josh gravely and took the mage’s hand and kissed at it. The mark reacted to his touch with a small discharge of veilfire. “Be honest with me. Are you…in love with him?”

Josh immediately pulled away and his mark flared up as his eyes darkened. He looked at Cullen with horror as he shook his head fervently.

“What…How can you- Commander! How can you think that!?”

“What else must I think when I see you smile in his presence and not mine? Sure enough we have our happy moments together but you look happier when you’re talking with him.” Cullen scratched at his neck and blushed deeply as he looked into Josh’s eyes. “Am I not enough for you?”

“You are more than enough, trust me.” Josh chuckled as he reached down to Cullen’s crotch and massaged the fabric there. “Do you not trust me, Cullen?” 

Cullen looked away for a moment but his gaze returned to Josh when the mage stopped massaging him and cupped his cheek. He stroked the lion’s skin and mewled at the sensation of Cullen’s beard touching his hand.

“Is it because I forgot everything and that I drank from the Well?”

The Commander slowly nodded and Josh smiled at him as he brought his hand to the former-templar’s temple and stroked there. The lion closed his eyes as he felt the mage lean forward and lick at his scar playfully.

“I don’t need to remember. You’ll remind me and as for the Well, Solas is helping me to tone it down. He’s the only reason I can think clearly. With all these loud shouts and chants in my head- It’s hard to do anything.” Josh licked at the scar again and Cullen moaned as he licked at the tongue moving over his scar. “I like your scar.”

“You always say that when you change the subject.” Cullen grinned as the mage pulled away and gave him a smirk as Cullen brought his left hand to Josh’s neck and traced the burns that lingered there on the tanned flesh.. “Why didn’t you heal it?”

“I want to remember. It also marks me as yours.”

“Oh Josh.” Cullen chuckled as took the mage’s hand and looked at him with worry. “I never want to hurt you again. I like it rough but I’m afraid I’ll-”

“I don’t mind you being rough.”’ Josh shrugged as he hugged the Commander. “I love that about you, so loving yet so wild. The dread still remains from what I forgot but I ignore it. I am happy here with you and Sulahn.”

“As am I.” Cullen intoned a fire spell as he kissed the mage and Josh gasped at the feeling of the hot tongue invading his mouth. The mage used ice to freeze his hands and brought them to Cullen’s neck and it made the Commander buck forward, their teeth clashed and they pulled apart with awkward, bashful looks.

“Whoops. Got excited, sorry.”

“That…was really unpleasant. Please don’t do that again.”

Josh nodded and Cullen gave him a wicked smile.

“Are you busy?”

“I’m to see Solas in the next hour but I’m free for now.”

“Good.” Cullen growled as he led the mage upstairs and unbuckled his armor. He stripped off his clothes and stood in front of Josh completely naked. “I want you.”

Josh didn’t resist. He tossed off his clothes and ended up lying beside the Commander, naked and lusting over the former-templar as Cullen clasped his fingers in the mage’s and smiled.

“Will I take you or will you take me?”

“Take me, Cullen.” Josh kissed at his scar and grinned. “But first…let me please you.”

The mage pressed himself to Cullen’s chest and he started a slow grind, their cocks sliding against each other as the mage moved his fingers over the Commander’s toned body. Josh let out an elated sigh as he pulled away from Cullen and asked him to lie flat on his bed. The blonde obliged with cloudy eyes as Josh straddled his hips and ran cold fingers over his chest and nipples. Cullen hitched into the coolness of his fingers and the mage chuckled.

Josh then moved forward and kissed the cold flesh with his warm tongue, the sensation of hot and cold made Cullen harder and he grabbed at Josh’s hair but the mage shook his head defiantly. His hands dipped lower and settled at the ex-templar’s thighs. Cullen watched in anticipation as Josh placed hot kisses at his thighs and moved his cold hands to the engorged flesh standing at attention. The coldness made Cullen hiss out loud as he bucked upward, the mage looked at him as he jacked Cullen off with a grin.

“Is this to your liking, ma vhenan?” Josh asked as he feint innocence. Cullen struggled to nod as his mind floated on a cloud pleasure.

“M-Maker’s breath!” Cullen stammered as he flushed and let out a sharp groan as Josh licked at the tip and took the cock into his mouth. The Commander began to thrust into his mouth and took pleasure in the feeling of Josh’s hands and tongue as it ran over his needy flesh. He watched as Josh reached down with his free hand and began to stroke himself.

When Cullen suddenly cried out, Josh pulled away and tightened his grip on the needy flesh. The former-templar beamed when Josh prepared himself with a knowing hand and coated his cock with his grease spell. The oils he normally used were in his desk and Cullen wasn’t in the mood to go and fetch it so the magical lubricant would have to suffice. Josh lined himself up with Cullen’s cock but Cullen stopped him.

“Is something wrong?” Josh gave him a worried look but Cullen shook his head with a grin.

“I want…to try something.” Cullen blushed as he stood up and asked the mage to lie flat on his back. He then asked Josh to grab his feet and pull over his chest so that his chest and legs were parallel. The mage gave him a confused look and Cullen licked his lips when he saw Josh’s ass open for him as he took hold of the mage’s legs and settled down, his cock rubbing at the Knight-Enchanter’s entrance and smearing grease there.

“Is this…”

“Don’t ask if I’m alright! We have a watchword if you’re too rough! F-Fuck me already!” The mage cried as he clawed at the Commander’s arms and chest.

The former-templar eased himself slowly inside the hot tunnel. He felt his rod get squeezed by the Josh’s walls and it made him slow down to a crawl as he pulled and eased himself again, garnering a loud cry from the mage. When he bottomed out and hit the Knight-Enchanter’s prostate, he felt Josh shudder with pleasure. He looked at the mage in concern but Josh nodded and gritted his teeth as Cullen started a slow thrust. 

With a heated look, he took hold of Josh’s cock and slicked it up with some of the mage’s pre as it began to leak out. Josh closed his eyes in rapture as Cullen quickened his pace and matched his strokes to his thrusts. 

Josh suddenly cursed out and came all over himself. The look of lust that his face had sent Cullen over the edge; he let out a thunderous roar as he unloaded inside the mage’s ass and continued thrusting until he rode the last wave of pleasure. The mage let out a breathy moan as Cullen pulled out and allowed him to lay flat on his back to relax his legs.

“Sorry. I think I used to last longer.” 

Cullen chuckled and settled beside the tired mage.

“I think we should experiment a bit more.” Cullen gave him a lopsided grin as he kissed the mage’s cheek and smiled. “It was an intense session. I didn’t even last as long as I normally do.”

“Could we do it in the bathhouse one day?” Josh blushed as he spoke and he ran a finger over Cullen’s scar as he continued. “I’ve always dreamed of being taken by you while bathing.”

“How about I clean you up now and we make love again?”

“That means I’ll miss my meditation with Solas.”

“I’ll fuck you so hard that you’ll forget anyone exists outside this tower. You’ll scream my name as you cum and Skyhold will know what a good Inquisitor you are riding your Commander like a horse!”

“Oh…Cullen- When you talk like that…Maker yes.”

 

\---

 

Sera began to warm up to Cullen again- slowly but surely, but she didn’t forgive him at first. She set aside her ire once she saw that Josh was in love with the former-templar again. That was until she and Josephine walked in on them doing it on the War Table.

Now, Sera wasn’t disgusted by men having a go at each other, it just didn’t arouse her or anything because she preferred the ladies, but what really upset her was the way Josh took Cullen’s cock. She never in her life saw anyone move with such poise and flexibility in the sack. It was eye opening actually, because it inspired the elf with new ideas for her and Widdles to try out. Of course, Josephine had to spoil the fun and screamed as Sera tried to sneak away from the horny men. Stupid Lady Prissypants being stupid.

Later that day, Cullen met up with the archer in the Herald’s Rest for lunch and he noticed everyone staring at him with lecherous looks as he ate with the elf. He thanked the Maker when she caught on and took him to her room and closed the door.

“Still angry with you, but good on you will the public jousting. Love Josh-Posh to bits. How’s it all coming along Lionheart? Haven’t spoken in a while.” She grinned as he settled down beside her with a smug look.

“We enjoy each other often.”

“It sure looked like he was enjoying having you over him.” Sera offered him some cookies she baked and he initially declined until the smell overtook him and he took a bite from one.

“This is good!” Cullen mouthed with a shocked look and Sera giggled.

“I know innit! I can’t bake to save my life, Josh made these. Should really marry him after all this. Settle down, raise Sula-Wula together.” Sera nodded him with a naughty look. “Have all the jousts you want to have. Not judging. Josh looks happy. Glowy.”

“Marry him?”

“Don’t look so frightened yeah, you love him don’t you? Marry him. Seal the deal. Exclusive, oath to the Maker and all that!”

“Marriage?” Cullen mouthed again and Sera scoffed. She pinched his ears and snarled loudly. 

“Stupid Jackboot is being stupid! Don’t repeat me, Cullen-Wullen!” Sera chuckled as she tightened her grip on his ears and he cried out in pain then pushed her hands away, his ears tomato red as he rubbed at him flaring up in heat. “Look. We’re good. Just, take care of him for me. Really great friend of mine. Never forgot what you did to him but I’ll overlook it if you promise you’ll marry him when the time is right. I mean shite, you have a daughter with him. You’re practically married.”

“We are, I guess.”

“Not busy at the moment, no nobles being fools and Creepy’s been wooing Lady Enchantress for a while now upstairs, ugh. How about we go play with Sula-Wula if you’re not too busy. Been meaning to spend time with you- I mean…shite. Piss.” Sera scoffed as she blushed and looked away. Cullen gave her a concerned look but she waved him off. “You’re my friend innit? I missed you and I missed Josh. He’s making his rounds with Shadow of Birds and I’m really bored. Let’s go play with your Sully-Wully. Fun times with Sula-Wula, sometimes little Jaime too. Please Lionheart?”

Cullen tittered as he offered her his hand and she gave him an incredulous look. She took it with a confused look and they walked arm in arm out of them tavern. Many of the patrons watched them as they moved but Cullen ignored them. Truth be told, he escorted her out like a lady because he didn’t want to think about what the people were saying about him and Josh. He focused on taking her to the gardens and she seemed touched by being treated like Lady Mai Balsitch of Korse again.

When they got there, they found a distraught Morrigan running about, shouting her son’s name. The nobles and soldiers in the gardens looked at her perplexed as she rushed down the Commander and the prankster.

“Ser Rutherford, my son is missing! Sulahn as well!”

“What!?” Cullen growled as glowered at her but Sera slapped his back and shook her head. 

“Not now, Rutter-ford. We need to find them!” Sera began to move about the area questioning people and left the Cullen with Morrigan.

“Are you sure they’re gone?”

“Yes!” The witch snarled as she began to tear up and Cullen instinctively pulled her into a hug. “I looked everywhere! Kieran is my life! I cannot lose him now!”

“And I cannot lose Sulahn. Pull yourself together- Let’s search the area and-“

“Brother!” Branson heaved as he held onto Jaime and stopped in mid sprint to speak. “Jaime saw Kieran and Sulahn going into a mirror. The same one we came from in the Arbor Wilds. He got scared and ran for me.”

“No no no!” Morrigan shouted as Cullen followed her to the eluvian and gasped when she saw it open. “’Tis not possible! They are children!”

“What the shite is THAT?!” Sera shouted as she entered the room and saw Branson with his child. She pointed and gasped at the mirror but Cullen turned to her and Branson with a frantic look in his eyes.

“Find Josh. Tell him to go into the eluvian to find us. Morrigan and I will look for our children. Go!”

Morrigan didn’t even wait for him, she dashed inside and Cullen followed suit. Both of them let out a horrified cry when they took in the hellish landscape of the Fade.

“This cannot be! This is the Fade! We are not dreaming!”

“Physically there, just like at Adamant.” Cullen mused as he took her hand but she pulled away.

“I am afraid.” Cullen confessed as they took a few steps forward and ended up descending a staircase. Once they reached its end, Morrigan turned to him with a horrified look and flushed. 

“I am as well.”

They reached a large throne with spikes along every ridge it had and called out to their children, their names echoed out but there was not reply. They pasted several veins of red lyrium as they ventured deeper into the Fade until Cullen heard a voice.

“Cullen! Morrigan!” Josh rushed towards them with a horrified look. “The voices are getting louder here!”

“Then we must be close! Kieran! Sulahn!” Cullen shouted as loud as could. Morrigan followed suit but Josh stopped them.

“The spirits are afraid, even the demons. Something- no- Someone is here that terrifies them.”

That sent Cullen into panic .He felt his eyes begin to water as his vision faded but he felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder when Josh hugged at his back and they crouched down to their knees.

“I can’t lose her. I lose you once. I can’t lose her- it would break me.”

Morrigan moved over to him and shook her head as she extended her hand with a grimace. Cullen took it and felt the Knight-Enchanter pull away and stand up next to him. She smacked him and Josh let out a chuckle when he gritted his teeth in anger, but he saw the tears running down the witch’s cheeks as she spoke.

“Control yourself, foolish man. We are here to find our children, not cry about it!”

Josh nodded to her and clasped his hand with his lover’s as Cullen regained his composure.

They reached a long staircase that led to a massive statue crying blood and in front of it they saw an old woman, smiling with love and affection as she hugged at Kieran and Sulahn. They seemed at peace but Morrigan rushed down and froze. Cullen followed, still arm in arm with Josh and saw the confused look on the witch’s face as the old woman tilted her head in curiosity.

“Mother.” Morrigan mouthed as she sent a glare the old woman’s way.

“Mother?” Both Cullen and Josh gave the witch a confused look but the witch shook her head with a snarl.

“She is a deceiving witch!” Morrigan cried as she intoned ice but the dark blonde moved in the way and glowered at her, his manifested his spirit-blade and aimed it at her throat. “What are you doing!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

“Josh?” Cullen threw the mage a worried look but he ignored the lion.

“Do not threaten Mythal, witch. I can end you faster than you can blink.”

Morrigan’s eyes grew wide with shock as Cullen pulled her away from the Knight-Enchanter. She stopped her incantation as she watched with Cullen as Josh bowed to the old woman on his knee. She shook her head and helped him rise to his feet. 

“See girl? This boy knows how to respect his elders. Names are pretty but useless. The Chasind called me Flemeth. I suppose that would have to do for now.” 

“You brought us here didn’t you? The voices that Josh hears are directed by you. This is no coincidence.” Cullen asked he gave her a wary look but she returned it with a sly grin.

“Clever lad.”

“I don’t understand, how can you be Mythal?”

“The tales of you speak of a spirit that you communed with once your love was slain. That was Mythal wasn’t it?” Josh asked with a curious look. Flemeth nodded to him with a happy glance.

“Indeed. I have carried her through the ages. She is no more separate from me than the Lion is to Valor or even your heart to your chest.”

“Why did she go to you?”

“For a reckoning that will shake the very heavens…She was betrayed as the world was betrayed and I will see her avenged! But alas, so long as the music plays we must dance.” The Witch of the Wilds turned to Kieran and sighed.

“I do not care who and what you are. Do what you will to me! Leave my son and Sulahn out of this!” Morrigan shouted as she moved towards Flemeth and opened her arms wide.

“You think I would hurt them?”

“Neria found your grimoire. I know how you extend your unnatural lifespan- by possessing the bodies of your daughters!”

Cullen moved forward to intervene when he heard what Morrigan had said, but Josh caught hold of him and shook his head. They watched as Flemeth placed her hand over Kieran’s head and he smiled. A faint blue aura left his body and entered the witch’s as she grinned at him.

“No more dreams?”

“No more dreams.” Flemeth hugged at his chest and allowed him to return to his mother. Morrigan hugged him and watched wordlessly as she approached Josh with Sulahn in tow. She alternated her gaze between Cullen and Josh and beamed as she spoke.

“A golden lion and his golden wolf. A companion to the dead and a protector of lore…Joined at the hip, twin souls, yet not at all.” She pointed to Sulahn as she leaned down and kissed the child’s forehead. “She found you after Adamant in Honnleath. When she heard the child, she chose to leave you to comfort her but now she is here. The dead one loves you completely like you love each other. Love the halla always so that you may always have hope in your hearts in the dark times ahead- for when the wolves trespass, her song will keep the lion.”

She picked up the child and placed her in Cullen’s arms, the lion kissed his halla and grinned to himself when Josh kissed her too and hugged at his loved ones. Josh straightened up when Flemeth addressed him.

“You require aid to end his dragon but I can offer you more.” Flemeth pulled Josh into a hug that made Morrigan gasp and Cullen cringe. They saw a golden light pass from Flemeth into the Knight-Enchanter. However when they saw the content look on the pair’s faces, they choose not voice their discomfort. When the hug ended, the witch gave Josh a smile. “Do you understand what must be done, child?”

“I…” Josh looked confused for a moment but his eyes settled on Cullen’s then on Flemeth’s. “Yes. I do.’

Flemeth moved away from the group and turned to leave but Morrigan stopped her and her mother gave her an affectionate beam.

“I was curious to see who had drunk from the well. It has been so very long. Now that I have, I am satisfied.“ She gave Morrigan a warm look then looked at Josh with the same affection. “My son is free to go.”

“Your son?” Cullen mouthed with shock on his face. Josh gave the witch a confused look as she turned to Morrigan and shook her head sadly when her daughter affirmed that both she and her half-brother were still in danger.

“A soul is not forced upon the unwilling, Morrigan. You and Josh were never in any danger from me.”

Flemeth disappeared into the darkness and Josh stood awkwardly beside his lover and Sulahn.

“So…You’re my sister?” The Knight-Enchanter asked as they returned from the Fade. Cullen chuckled when Morrigan glared at Josh and the mage raised his hands in apology as Kieran followed her out into the garden where Sera stood with Branson, awaiting them. Josh explained what he could to the pair but Sera looked mostly confused and Branson looked relieved as he hugged at Jaime.

Josh and Cullen returned to the former-templar’s tower and when they got to the top with their daughter, they fell down on the bed and both men hugged at Sulahn, who smiled to herself.

“We will always love you, Sulahn.” Josh kissed her forehead and Cullen smiled at him then the little girl as he grinned at her.

“Spirit or not, you are our daughter. We love you. Never ever think that we don’t. And now you have two more family members.”

“Uh…I’m not sure that Morrigan would like be called my sister.”

Cullen shrugged as he got up from the bed and smiled.

“Sera wanted to spend some time with me and Sulahn. After what happened, I’m not sure I…”

“Sulahn? Do you want to play around with Aunty Sera?” Josh smirked as he looked at her with a playful look. The little girl nodded eagerly and Cullen took her into his arms and kissed Josh’s cheek. “I have to speak with my sisters now. Afterwards if you have time, could you meet me at the lower archives?”

“Why?”

“Just come at seven bells.” Josh gave him an enigmatic grin. Cullen flushed and nodded as left to see Sera.

After a few hours of running after Sera and Sulahn with earwigs stuffed inside his armor, Cullen decided to strip down to his loose tunic and breeches and he made his way to the main fortress. He descended to the lower archives, Rosalie’s favorite haunt. Sulahn was with Alara for the night. She opted to babysit because she was still hurting over Solas but Sulahn made her feel better somewhat. 

When he opened the door and he saw the mage naked and raging hard, Cullen shut the door and flicked the lock. He moved over to the mage and pushed him onto the empty desk with a lusty groan as Josh slipped his hands under his tunic and traced Cullen’s abs.

“You invited me to the archives to…have sex?”

“Correction: I called you here to fuck me all night long.” Josh pulled at his tunic and smiled as Cullen kissed at his neck eagerly. “No objections, I see.”

“When you offer yourself up to me like this, how can I say no?”

“I might be Flemeth’s son, I am your Wolf first and foremost” Josh grinded him hips against Cullen and he gasped when he felt the hardening cock underneath his breeches.

 

\---

 

Cullen woke up feeling drained but happy beyond description. Their shenanigans didn’t stop at simple sex in the lower archives. It turned out that they were quite turned on and the idea of being caught in the act again made the couple hard all over again.

The former templar took Josh in the lower archives, then in the treasury. They then took the fun times to the war room and almost got caught again by Josephine. Josh then gave the former templar a blowjob as Cullen lectured a few unruly recruits who were disturbing the peace at the barracks. A few times, the recruits asked if the Commander was alright when he cussed out suddenly but he would insist that he was fine.

Then Josh took Cullen behind the tavern, the former-templar wanted to be on the receiving end and Josh was nervous at first but once Josh got into the swing off it, the innocence was gone and Cullen never wanted the pleasure to end. Afterwards, Cullen gave Josh a blowjob and he relished in the noises he got from the mage yet again. He then took Josh inside his tower, up against a wall. 

Cullen enjoyed the sex. It was something he really took pleasure in. At first it was just romantic but at the moment it was something he needed to get by, especially with his withdrawals. He looked to his left and saw Josh stare at him, elated and drained like him but happy. 

“That was…” Josh turned to Cullen and kissed his hand. “…you really do like it rough.”

“I love it rough so long as it’s with you.” The Commander grinned as used a spare tunic to clean their mess and pulled Josh from the bed when the bell rang out five times.

Cullen took Josh to the bathhouse to clean up and they ended up doing it there was well. Afterwards, they went to the Herald’s Rest for some breakfast. Josh kissed Cullen brazenly in front of the patrons and soldiers as the mage left to see to Sulahn after they ate. The Commander was about to leave when he caught sight of Mia and Sera.

“Hey!” Sera smirked as she slid beside Mia who had an equally mischievous look on her face. “Do you remember what I spoke to you about Jackboot? About putting a ring on Josh-Posh?”

“Yes…” Cullen screamed inwardly as Sera gave Mia an impish glance and they both giggled as Mia placed a small wooden box on the table. The ex-templar sighed as he gave the pair a concerned look.

“Here- it won’t bite, I promise. From the Inner Circle and your family to you.” She pushed it towards the former templar and he opened it carefully. His eyes watered as he pulled out a golden ring, lined with a few verses from the Chant of Light. It was his mother’s ring. He gave Mia and Sera a happy look but inquired how they found it as he wiped his tears away.

“Creepy, Lady-Enchantress, Bran-arse-son and me went to Honnleath. Somehow Creepy heard it or some weird shite like that, he pulled it out of the lake. Now we’re giving it to you Lionheart. Make my Joshie-Woshie happy or I will cut your dangles off and feed them to-“

“Okay, nevermind Sera! Brother- Joshua loves you and you love him. Everyone wants you to propose! We’ve spoken about it! Go propose brother!” She got up from the chair and urged him to his feet with a sharp kick but Cullen cussed inwardly when he heard the war-council horn.

“After the war-meeting. I think I know where to pop the question.” Cullen grinned to the women and they giggled as they left him to go to the war room. He pocketed the ring and contemplated over the best way to ask Josh. He knew where, just not how. He wasn’t planning to ask so soon but he didn’t care anymore. He loved Josh. He wanted to marry Josh. Josh was his life, his everything.

Along the way he looked over some reports from Lace Harding and Rylen and it looked bad. Most of their soldiers, mages and templars were still at the Arbor Wilds, some were injured and others tried to rout the remaining forces of the Elder One in the forest. Even though it was a victory, Skyhold was defenseless aside from the Inner Circle and the new recruits streaming in everyday. 

“You’ve met Flemeth?” Leliana asked as she sent a worried look Josh and Cullen’s way. They nodded but Morrigan cut her short before she could enquire further.

“Mother…has gifted Josh with the power to overcome the dragon, now it is simply the question of finding the Elder One.”

“His dragon must come and go from somewhere.” Cullen mouthed as he gritted his teeth and Josh gave him a playful grin and wink from across the table. Cullen flushed and returned it with a silent “I love you.”

Josh returned the gesture and chuckled when Josephine let out a brief squee, she then regained her composure.

‘”What about the Deep Roads? We could send envoys to Orzammar, try to-“ Josephine started as she paced about but stopped when Josh doubled over and clutched his Marked hand. A bright green light boomed out from the Breach as it reopened with a loud din that made everyone turn to look. Josh scrambled to his feet, his face contorted into a look of absolute despair. 

“No! The Breach!”

“Josh! Wait!” Cullen jumped over the war-table, pulling the maps off in his hurry and bee-lined for Josh as the mage sprinted through the doors with his fade-cloak, Cullen fumbled with the handle and shouted his lover’s name as he ripped the doors open, he managed to see Josh jump out the crumbled wall and turn into a raven. He flew in the direction of Haven’s ruins. “Leliana gather everyone! Josephine, keep the people calm!”

Cullen scurried into the main hall and saw Alara and Cole approaching with Bethany in tow. The elf’s mark was flaring up but she didn’t seem to be in pain. The dark haired force-mage pointed outside in horror as she gave Cullen a confused glance.

“Cullen! The Breach is-“

“I must stop him! I must stop him! I must stop him!” Cole cried as he gave Cullen a frantic look. “He must not win! He cannot!”

“Josh has flown off to face Corypheus! We must catch up!” Cullen shouted as he led the group to the stables. 

The people of Skyhold began to panic as the Inner Circle gathered at the main gates, all with distraught looks as Cullen didn’t even greet them when he passed them by. He rode hard for the place where it all began. The place Josh got his mark and the place where it would all finally end: The Temple of Sacred Ashes. 

As they approached the Breach, he held onto his mother’s ring and prayed.

 

I have faced armies

With you as my shield,

And though I bear scars beyond counting, nothing

Can break me except Your absence.


	14. Of Godhood and Mortality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Keeper of my heart: I want freedom for everyone. But what is the price of true freedom?” - Josh Lavellan-Trevelyan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter in halves. For the first half I listened to Blizzard (Skyworld) by Two Steps From Hell and the second half I listened to Corvus from the Diablo 3 Reaper of Souls OST.

Cullen ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He felt his legs give way but he never hit the ground. Cole held him fast and lifted him back to his feet with Solas’ help as they ran towards the group of Inquisition soldiers facing the Elder One. 

The Commander scanned the area as he moved, but he did not see Josh anywhere. He passed a few mutilated corpses and he hoped to the Maker that Josh didn’t meet the same fate. The mage was emotional and raring to face Corypheus- when Josh got overly emotional he was prone to err in combat so he hoped to find Josh before the Knight-Enchanter reached the Elder One. Fortunately, there was no sight of the mage yet so Cullen relaxed a bit as he drew his sword and shield as Alara notched an arrow and fired it at the Elder One, it was absorbed by his barrier.

“It ends here Corypheus!” The keeper yelled as she fired yet another arrow, this time ensorcelled with fire. It bit down into the ancient magister’s barrier but he was unfazed as he released a pulse of red that killed the remaining soldiers

“So it shall!” The horror spoke as he lifted his hands up to the sky and the very ground lifted beneath the group. Cullen slipped backward but managed to stay on the central island, a mockery of the Black City he had seen during his dreams-jaunts with Josh. When Cullen looked about, he cringed when he saw only Cole, Alara and Solas. The fiend was clever; he didn’t do it just to mock the Maker. He did it to whittle down the Inner Circle into a group he could divide and conquer. He heard Cassandra and the others shouting from below in confusion but he ignored them as the fiend turned to Alara to address her.

“You call yourselves ‘the Herald of Andraste’ but let us not forget what you and your brother truly are: Two thieving gnats, nothing more than interlopers in the wrong place at the wrong time. Where is your brother- The tranquil somniari? Is he so cowardly to face a God in person that he sends his sister instead?” Cullen wanted to interrupt the foolish horror but he decided not to when Alara notched another arrow and fired it before the Magister could finish.

“For a self proclaimed God, you sure do like the sound of your own voice!” Alara chuckled as she notched another arrow and this time, the Elder One felt it. Cullen laughed to himself when he saw Corypheus snarl in frustration, his orb in hand as he brought his hands backwards as if readying an incantation. 

“Ah crap!” Alara cried when she saw the dragon readying itself to strike as it crept slowly. Cullen looked up and gasped when he saw it.

“Sethius Amladaris!” Everyone looked when they heard the voice. It was Josh. He jumped out of the shadows from a high ledge as the dragon charged. Cullen brought his shield up to protect the archer. He heard Josh shout a battle cry as he moved in the air. “Na din’an SAHLIN!”

The cry turned into a roar in mid-speech as Cullen looked over his shield and yelped when he saw Josh transform in a burst of ice and light into a massive gold and white dragon. He clawed at the red lyrium dragon and pulled it off the floating ruins. Alara took the opportunity to release a flurry of arrows.

“You dare!” Corypheus hissed as he intoned red lyrium and fired it at Alara, the archer rolled out of the way and Cullen blocked the rest of the shards that came his way with his shield

“He’s a dragon!” Cole shouted in awe as he watched the dragons fight in the sky but Cullen shook his head and pointed to the Elder One.

“Not now Cole!” The Commander mouthed as he bull rushed a shade trying to flank Solas when the elf was busy calling down thunder to smite the Elder One.

“Yes. Focused.” The assassin shifted into the shadows and made his way to Corypheus as Cullen moved to Alara and nodded to her. She intoned ice and fired it as Cullen used his templar training to drain the barrier Corypheus had.

“What is this?” The Elder One looked at Cullen with a bamboozled look as the former-templar invoked fire and enchanted his allies’ weapons, he rushed at the horror and stuck swiftly, but the ancient magister blasted him backward but failed to see Cole appear behind him. “A templar with magic? What irony!”

The former spirit drove his enflamed daggers deep and garnered a loud cry from the Elder One as he retreated deeper into the ruins.

Cullen nodded to the assassin and pat as back as he lead the group up stairs to a wider area with walls that could be used for cover. He espied the monster on the ledge of a crumbling tower and thus he had the high ground. Cullen stopped everyone to explain his plan and Solas added on some important advice as they split up. Cole moved with Solas and Alara moved with Cullen.

The former-templar raced out with Alara behind him as the Elder One swiped his hands in a broad arc. Cullen saw the red lyrium growing under him, so he pushed Alara backward take cover and blocked the shards. At that moment, Solas fired a succession of flame bolts and stonefists. The Elder One reeled backward and teleported behind the elf, but Alara was quicker. She dove out of cover and intone her ice arrow. It struck the ancient magister hard but he merely grinned at her as he unleashed a jet of shards her way. Cullen rushed her down and pulled her to cover but instead of hearing the shards hit stone, Cullen peeked out and saw ice cascade down from the sky and form a wall of ice, protecting the pair from the shards as their cover crumbled.

“Josh is helping us.” The elven apostate mouthed from the cover opposite them as he pointed to the white-gold dragon circling the area and dodging the red lyrium dragon. Alara nodded as she intoned her slow arrow.

“Give me time, Commander. The longer the arrow is skyward, the more force it applies!”

Cullen nodded he pointed behind the Elder One to Cole. The former-spirit nodded as he slid behind the Elder One again and brought down his daggers again.

“I have bound thousands of demons to my will. What would make you any different?” Corypheus snarled as he unleashed a blast that knocked Cole off his feet and into the wall. Luckily Alara intone her barrier arrow before he hit the wall, so the assassin was largely unharmed, only slightly rattled by the impact. 

“He is not demon, fool!” Cullen roared as he leapt over the ice wall and slashed downward as he landed, his blade cut deep into the magister who let out a pained cry as he retreated further into the ruins and reapplied his barrier.

“Nice work, Commander!” Solas smiled as he followed Cullen and the others up another flight of stairs into another wide area but with far less places to hide behind cover. “Cullen, move with Cole. I have an idea.”

The former templar nodded as Cole retreated behind his shield and cloaked. Solas approached with Alara on their right, she gave him a heated glance as he quickly explained his idea but she soon nodded as Cullen rushed forward to get the magister’s attention with fire. 

Cullen grabbed hold of his shield and enchanted it with flame as he charged for the grotesque horror towering above. As he struck, he used his stamina to drain the magister’s barrier. He tumbled past in fatigue but Cole took the opportunity to strike. As Corypheus intoned a salvo of shards Cullen’s way Solas fade stepped him to safety, the assassin spun out of the shadows in a dance of blades as the Elder One hissed in anger, Solas invoked his electric Energy Barrage and Alara enchanted her arrows with arcing lightning as she fired them after Solas’ magic broke his defenses. Cullen raced to his feet as Cole was about to be swept away by a blast of red lyrium. He moved the assassin to safety and took the blow himself and felt an overwhelming pain surge his body as he struck the ground. In response, the golden dragon breathed several bolts of frost that struck the magister unerringly. It then turned its attention to the dragon close on its heel.

“He’s too worried about us, Josh needs to-“

“Enough!” Corypheus cried as he summoned the orb and unleashed a massive blast of energy. Cullen flew backward and watched as his companions were knocked away as well. The Elder One snarled in pain as he retreated further into the ruins but Cullen heard a shrill cry. He turned his attention to Josh and the red lyrium dragon circling above as they leapt from the ruins to a flat stone area with no cover to follow the Elder One deeper into the floating mockery of the Black City.

Alara tried her best to aim her arrows at the dragon but she was too exhausted from her rough landing, she collapsed to the ground in fatigue, dropping her bow and Solas rushed to her side as Cole watched in awe the dragon’s fighting above. The Elder One was wounded and too cowardly to face them after the beating they had just given him so he resorted to using his pet dragon to fight in his stead.

“Creators! Look at him go!” Alara mouthed with an amazed look as Josh led the dragon towards the Breach and dive bombed in a last ditch effort to get rid of the pesky dragon on his tail.

Cullen watched in horror as the red lyrium dragon managed to catch up and bit down into the golden dragon’s neck. He shouted his lover’s name in worry and the dragon looked at him with a look of determination as it clawed back as it fell down to the ruin. Alara was too tired to move so the Commander pulled her away as Josh landed back first with a loud roar as the dragon landed behind him in a cloud of dust and ashes, its wings ripped apart by his claws. 

Cullen kept his eyes on the dragon but failed to see Josh move. He noticed that Josh was back in his human form and badly wounded, his body was covered in claw marks and several cuts made by red lyrium. He saw Josh give him a resolute look as he moved for his spear and used it get back to his feet as the dragon approached him and breathed it’s red lyrium, but Josh had a plan.

“GET BEHIND ME!” The Knight Enchanter screamed as he lifted his marked hand and swirled it. Cullen rushed to his side with Alara and the others and gasped when he saw the Veil shift and the very air rippled into the shape of a globe, deflecting all the shards and releasing a barrage of cold shards back at the dragon. He grabbed onto Josh and intoned fire. The mage nodded as he sheathed his spear and picked up Alara’s bow with an unsteady hand. He aimed an arrow at the open maw of the dragon and grinned as he spoke his incantation- a spell Cullen did not know nor understood but he did know one thing: It was ancient magic Josh learned from the Well of Sorrows.

“Man’uan felassan!” The Knight-Enchanter shouted as he loosed the arrow and staggered backward into Cullen’s chest, the Commander held onto him as he slumped to the ground in fatigue.

“Look!” Alara pointed with a look of wonder as the single arrow the keeper fired earlier returned in full force and shattered the dragon’s chest in a shower of nine arrows enchanted with ice and heart-fire. Cole was about to move with Solas for the kill but Josh rushed to his feet as he dropped the bow beside his sister. Cullen watched as Josh manifested his blood-blade and drove it into the dragon’s roaring mouth, ushering a wail from its dying chest as it fell down lifeless. Josh moved over to Cullen used blood magic heal everyone as the Elder One hissed out in anger as its essence returned from the dragon to him and made him mortal again.

“Josh, take a moment to calm down.” Cullen begged but the mage shook his head and picked up his spear and walked towards the steps leading to the Elder One.

“No.” Josh mouthed as he huffed for breath and continued his gait. “I must finish this. He must die.”

“Josh.” Cullen grabbed his hand and gave him a worried look. “He must die. Not you.”

“Cullen is correct. Collect your breath while you can now. I will heal you as you neglected to heal yourself when you healed the rest of us.” Solas cast a healing spell on the mage and he smiled for a brief moment as they moved together up the stairs and turned to the left and saw the Elder One holding his orb to the Breach. The tear in the Veil groaned in power as they approached.

“The Breach is getting bigger!” Josh yelled as he drew his spear and pulled it into its dual wield stance. He flicked out the hook blade and pulled himself towards the horror before Cullen could stop him. “Cullen! Slash his chest as I weaken him! Solas, use rift magic to addle him! Cole- flank him!” 

Cullen rushed forward as Josh unleashed a barrage of strikes to the Elder One’s body and Cole unleashed a flurry of throwing daggers from the distance while Solas cast a barrier on the pair attacking up close. The ancient magister let fly his red lyrium salvo and a few managed to hit Cullen but it didn’t bother him. He was fighting beside his one and only- The love of his life. Nothing could stop him and Josh as they fought side by side.

The battle reminded Cullen of the battle in Haven against Linnea. Despite the fact that they were just a pair, a mere mage and a templar, they managed to protect the trebuchet and level the town with an avalanche. Even after that, they braved the cold and barely made it back from the brink as they found the Inquisition camped in the mountain pass. 

Those past thoughts consumed Cullen and they strengthen his resolve as he felt anger beyond anything he had ever felt and he saw Josh flitch slightly as Cullen drove his blade deep into Corypheus. He hated the bastard- more than Samson, more than Uldred, more than the Blight. He hated the Elder One for the death and the evil he wrought in the world.

Corypheus retreated towards a corner pillar and intoned twin rays of magic brimming with red lyrium he fanned out his arms behind him and readied to fan it towards the group.

“Alara! Use a rift arrow”

“Rift arrow?” Alara looked confused but Josh screamed to her.

“Syl alas’niral sa’assan! Use that!” 

“What is-“

“Don’t ask questions! SAY IT AND FIRE!”

Solas cast another barrier just in case as the rays neared them. Cullen lifted his shield in front of him in anticipation as the rays moved; he felt the first few hit his shield until he heard Alara cry out in pain as she shouted the incantation fired a blazing green arrow that Josh stopped with his disruption field. He pointed to it with his mark and the arrow fell apart into a massive rift that absorbed the barrage of shards. Josh flicked his wristed and grinned at Cullen as he cancelled his disruption field and allowed the arrow to return to his sister.

“I love this magic!”

“Look out ma vhenan!” Solas shouted as the Elder dashed towards her and blasted her with an intense ball of red lyrium energy, he grabbed hold of her bow and she tried to pull away but the ancient magister was too powerful.

“Get away from her!” Josh screeched as he curled his hands upward and intoned ice. He impaled his spear into the ground and nodded to Cullen. He enchanted it with fire and watched as Josh picked up the red hot, freezing cold spear and spun it overhead as he dashed forward. “There is an antithesis to all things. For life, death. For good, evil and for you, ME!”

Josh struck hard with the spear, staggering the monster as he reeled away from his sister. For once Cullen saw actual wounds on the Elder One, a deep cut across his chest made by Josh’s harpoon. He smiled to himself as Josh gave him a lopsided grin and ran in for another strike.

“No! Not like this!” Corypheus cried as he unleashed a powerful blast of magic that shook everyone to their core and sent them flying. Cullen felt his sword arm break as he collide arm first with the pillar. Solas tumbled beside him and grabbed onto Alara before she fell off the floating ruin. Cole was knocked prone by blast and yelling in agony. Cullen scanned the area for Josh and saw him a few paces from the Elder One who held the orb to the sky again. “I have walked through the ages! It cannot end like this! Dumat! I beseech you! If you have truly existed, aid me now to destroy this tranquil-“

“SHUT UP!” Josh cursed as he leapt to his feet and brought his Marked hand to the ancient magister’s face. He took hold of the monster’s red lyrium chassis and it melted away within an instant as Josh used his mark to claim the orb from him. “’Conductor of Silence’ my ass! You don’t know when to shut up!”

Josh pushed him away and lifted the orb to the sky as the Elder One sank to his knees, a mess of flesh and blood as Josh screamed out and sent a powerful burst of magic towards the Breach. Cullen sighed inwardly as the Breach sealed but the scar of what was done remained in the sky. Josh placed the orb onto the ground and limped towards the Elder One in fatigue.

“I told you in Haven: don’t fuck with me. You didn’t listen- Fen’Harel ma halam!” Cullen watched as Josh used his last mana to form a massive rift inside Corypheus. He forced himself to watch as the Elder One was ripped apart and whatever remained was thrown into the Fade.

Solas pointed to the falling rocks above as he helped Cole back to his feet, as the elf and assassin helped Alara up and ran for cover. Cullen turned to Josh and reached for him, the mage gave him a sad look when Cullen pulled at his body. Josh looked up and saw a boulder coming their way and he gave Cullen a look of elation and fatigue as he placed something inside Cullen’s broken hand and tightened his hold on his hand.

“I know why I was afraid. Ar lath…” Josh took his hook blade and slit his wrist. He pointed to Cullen and sent him plummeting through a rift. Cullen screamed as he saw Josh grin sadly as he tilted his head and looked at Cullen, blood covering his body from head to toe.

Cullen screamed when he saw the rock fall down on Josh, there was a sickening crack as it struck and Cullen wept as he fell out of the rift. Cole went in search of the others as Solas was missing; Alara looked frantically around as she clutched her bow to her chest.

“Brother?! Ma vhenan?!”

Cullen didn’t respond. He felt his fingers go numb as he opened his broken hand with his functional hand and he saw Josh’s half of the necklace with Branson’s coin. It was covered in blood and was broken off from Josh’s hand.

“No…” Cullen mouthed as he stared at the bracelet in disbelief. “No…this can’t be the end. No! NO!” 

Cullen screamed as he got down to all fours and slammed his fist down and cried as he shattered his arm further. Alara looked at him with teary eyes as she reached for him and tried to heal his arm but he pulled away.

“No! I won’t believe it!” Cullen moved to find Josh but Cassandra appeared beside him with the rest of the Inner Circle.

“Where is the Inquisitor? And Solas?”

Cullen didn’t answer her. He sunk down to the ground and wept. He pulled at his hair and he willed himself to move but he was too drained. Too tired to search. He heard Blackwall and Iron Bull rush past him as Dorian and Vivienne tended to him and Alara. Cole slid down beside him and gave him a sad look as Sera moved beside him as well when the warriors returned with no luck, only the broken pieces of the orb.

“Smiling at me- Bloodied, dirtied and brazen. You love me even so. I am sorry ma vherain. I am so sorry and afraid. The rocks- You must go! This is my fate. I want you to live. I am sorry, emma lath. Ar lath-” Cole shed a single tear as he hugged at Cullen’s chest. “Gone.”

Dorian pulled away from the group. He remembered the first time he met Josh at Haven and they sort of just clicked like he and Alara did. He saw how happy Josh was around Cullen and he saw how Josh reveled in helping others. Dorian cursed himself as he shed his tears. It was always the handsome ones that died.

Vivienne vowed to be the mage’s mother figure and to an extent she was. She loved him in a way no one would understand. He stood beside her as her lover died and he comforted her. She saw that his empathy wasn’t a weakness as she originally thought. It was his strength. She missed him. He was the Inquisition- the true reason she joined and stayed. And he was gone in an instant.

Iron Bull remembered all the times Josh drank with him and his Chargers and all the fun times they had fighting dragons and giants. He fingered the dragon tooth he wore and he saw Dorian do the same and it angered him that Josh died. He wanted to celebrate with his friend.

Blackwall looked out into the distance and he took in the scar present where the Breach was. He swore to protect Josh, that Josh would have his shield no matter what and the moment Josh truly needed him, he failed. He shook his head as he remembered Lady Montilyet. Josh was the one that forced him to man up and speak to her about how he felt. The Inquisition would not be the same without him.

Cassandra moved to Cullen and hugged him as he did when she lost Hawke. Although it would not make him feel better, it would remind him that his friends were there for him. She remembered how she first met Josh and she wished she wasn’t so abrasive to the youth. He did what was required, he saved Thedas but the cost was his life. She could never forgive herself- even if it wasn’t her fault, the Knight-Enchanter- her best friend’s death was on her.

Varric walked away and sulked to himself. He lost Hawke and now he lost Josh, the one person who looked after him like family. Josh listened to him and cared enough to tell Bianca and the storyteller to try to work things out. He saw how in love Varric was with the woman and he could see that Bianca herself still loved Varric. The dwarf was touched that the Inquisitor tried to fix things between them. It may never work but that was Josh, always worried about the next person but never himself: The selfless hero, the martyr.

Sera fell to her knees in confusion. The bitter truth slapped her in the face as she pulled away and Cassandra ran after her.

“No! Shite no! Josh-Posh can’t be dead! My friend! My-“ Sera broke down and bawled into her hands as Cassandra eased her into a hug. “Not fair! Why did he have to die! He was the best thing that happened to this bloody Inquisition! No! This must be a trick innit!? INNIT?!”

“It is no trick Sera…we must return to Skyhold and get soldiers to help…find his body.” Cassandra moved away from Sera and looked at Alara. “Where is Solas?”

“G-Gone. He said that the reason he stayed was gone and that he had to move on.” Alara wiped her tears and pointed to the fragments of the orb near Cullen. She gave him a worried look as he stared blankly ahead. She moved over him and hugged him when Cole pulled away. “I miss him too, vherain.”

The Commander nodded, but he didn’t look at her. He merely stared blankly ahead as his mind accepted the fact that Joshua Trevelyan was dead. He recalled Josh asking him:

“But what is the price of true freedom?”

Cullen finally knew the answer.

It was death.

 

\---

 

 The moment the group arrived at Skyhold, the jubilant crowd died down and watched in horror as the Inquisitor and the elven expert were absent and the inner circle, as silent as the grave. Leliana came running with Josephine in tow and frantically asked where Josh was.

All Cullen could manage as a small shake of his head. The spymaster gave him a sad look and Josephine let out a gasp and covered her mouth, both women tried to comfort him with a hug but he pushed them away. He needed to speak to Sulahn. He needed to explain to her that Josh was gone, forever.

Skyhold was silent as he trudged up to his tower and found the young girl playing with some ice magic that Josh taught her in his free time. He cringed inwardly when he saw the ice dance about the air. It reminded him of Josh. 

She cried for hours upon hearing. The only respite she gave herself was when Cullen held her, but he understood. He wanted to cry too. He could smell Josh everywhere. He could taste Josh on his tongue and he could remember his voice as if he was still-

Alive…

Josh was dead. Cullen shook his head and accepted it but he still felt like someone reached into the deepest recesses of his heart and ripped his heart apart from inside out. He looked outside and it was as if the Maker pitied him and wanted everyone to know of the tragedy that took place: it began to rain softly.

Cullen wanted to find Josh’s body but the inner circle forbade him. He was angry, he wanted to smash someone’s skull in, but the anger disappeared once Sulahn hugged at him and reminded him that he needed to be strong for her. His head throbbed in pain as he sat and prayed but to no avail did his pain subside. He considered Lyrium but he decided against it once he remembered how Josh took care of him and made sure Cullen would never touch the horrid substance again.

He heard the door open slowly and saw Branson and his sisters peek inside, he nodded sadly as they moved inside his tower and looked at him with worry. 

“How are you?” Mia asked as she took Sulahn from Cullen The child started crying again, no sound but snot and tears as she bawled, she quickly returned the child to Cullen and he gave her a sad look as Rosalie took his hand. He gave his siblings a brave glance but lost his composure and looked away.

“My heart is breaking into so many pieces.” Cullen shook his head with disdain. “The sun looks dull. The grass looks like ashes. I…my life is miserable now. I see Sulahn and she is all that I have left of him. I want to hold him and comfort him; I want to tell him that it’s okay. But Josh‘s gone now and I’m…I’m…”

Cullen pulled out the ring- his mother’s ring and he cried.

“I was going to propose to him on the battlements where we spar. I didn’t know how I was going to ask but I was going to ask. The Breach opened again and we fought the Elder One…then he was gone.” Cullen looked at Branson with anger. “He’s gone now. You don’t have to worry about me anymore, brother. My heart is too shattered to love anyone again. I loved that man more than I loved myself and the Maker. He was everything to me. He forgot everything and I hurt him but he still forgave me- he loved me. He was one in a million and I wish he didn’t die. I wish it was me instead. I wish Josh lived. He was such a good man with so much to give…I…I miss him.”

“We all miss him.” Branson touched his shoulder and nodded. His older brother gave him a small nod as he left with Mia. Rosalie sat him down on his chair and she smiled at him with tears rolling down her face.

“He introduced me to Krem.” Rosalie flushed as she spoke and Cullen gave her a neutral look as he regarded her with dull eyes. She touched his shoulder, and then placed a kiss on Sulahn’s cheek. “I have a boyfriend, brother, thanks to Josh.” 

“You didn’t tell me this before, why?”

“You didn’t need to know. Why do you think he spent so much time with me and Alexius? We didn’t just study time magic; he spoke to me about Krem, about you, about everything.”

Cullen gave her a sad nod as she stroked his hair.

“There’s going to be a service held for him in the garden tomorrow. Get some sleep brother.” Rosalie kissed at his forehead and took Sulahn from him. The child fortunately didn’t cry and latched onto her aunt with a content look. They waved to him as he moved to his quarters and stripped off his armor. His shattered arm hurt but it was well enough for him to take off his armor without damaging it further.

He fell onto the bed and pulled the coverlets up to his chest. He looked up and saw some of the rain dripping inside, but it was largely not a problem as it was in the corners and never reached the bed. He pulled the fabric closer to his chest and he looked to his left, half expecting to see Josh, but he saw the empty bed. He felt his breathe hitch as he remembered the crack he heard when the rock struck. 

The sound remained with him, always playing in the back of his head, first the look of happiness on Josh’s face, then Josh pushing him backward through the Fade and then, the crack. Singing out in the silence, consuming Cullen’s thoughts, the crack sounded out over and over. He could never forget it. Crack. Crack. Crack.

Cullen tried to sleep but he was too beside himself to even try. He wept as his mind throbbed continuously behind sounds of bones breaking. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout out in anger and anguish to the sky. He wanted to yell until his voice gave way, but he couldn’t. He was too tired.

He looked up at the broken ceiling and he thought of the Maker. He cursed at the Maker. How could he allow the one person keeping everyone together to die? How could he allow His bride’s Herald to die? He wanted answers and Heaven’s never answered.

Cullen shook his head as he climbed out of bed and fastened his armor back onto his body. He descended his ladder and he moved to Josh’s tower. It smelled of elfroot and deep mushrooms as he stepped into the laboratory. He saw the books lining the walls and he shook his head in remembrance of the many time Josh tried to get Cullen to study basic alchemy. Cullen was a quick reader but it didn’t make sense to him and Josh used to chuckle as he affirmed that the only alchemy he needed to know was to make herbal tea.

He climbed the ladder and felt his throat go dry as he saw the lanterns and the veils of thin fabrics chiming from the wind chimes Josh added to his room. The mattress was still on the floor but the floor was lined with expensive dales laden wool that made sleeping on the floor viable. He cringed when he got the scent of roses, it was a smell he associated with Josh, the mage always managed to smell like a freshly bloomed rose despite being at war. It always made Cullen double take but this time, it affirmed his sorrow.

He settled down on the mattress and he leaned back onto the wall. He looked up at the chiming firmament Josh made above. The noises it made was pleasing and reminded him of sleeping beside the mage, arm in arm, smiling in their sleep and grinning at each other as they awoke. He would look up and Josh would kiss his scar.

Cullen brought his hand to the scar. It felt foreign and rough underneath his fingers and he could not imagine how Josh could ever relish in the feeling of his scar on his lips and his tongue. As he mused over it, he felt his inhibitions slip away as he dreamt.

He dreamt of Skyhold, on the day he kissed Josh for the first time. It was like he was reliving that day as he saw Josh give him a sad look as the courier came in to interrupt them. Cullen looked at the fool with an angry look; the man didn’t know what to do at first but a few more seconds of his glare, the courier scampered and Cullen went in for the kiss.

The Inquisitor tasted of honey and sweat as he felt tears, from the mage’s eyes and his own as he wept into the kiss. It was desperate kiss was Cullen pulled him closer but soon Josh pulled away with yet another sad look.

“Thank you.”

“For?” Cullen gave him a confused look as the mage smiled. In the distance, he watched as the white wolf that protected Josh nod to the former-templar as Josh moved in for another kiss, this time, he felt his body surge with fire.

“For everything. Ar lath-“

Cullen awoke, terrified as he checked for burns. His armor was warm but other than that he was fine. He had a lucid dream, just as mages do and it terrified him to know that he could explore his dreams- that demons would soon plague his thoughts as he dreamt to possess him.

 He lifted himself from the mattress and straightened up his appearance when he heard the bell chime five times. It was Josh’s funeral soon.

Josephine informed him that every inquisition member would be attending, to make matters worse, the leaders of Ferelden and Orlais were going to make an appearance too.

He took a bath and pulled on his armor as the first guests arrived in the early parts of the morning. There was no body to cremate so it was decided to plant a tree in his honor, as it was the Dalish custom to do so. As everyone gathered in the garden, Cullen saw King Alistair and Queen Anora greet Alara, they seemed to be familiar with her. He saw Morrigan tense up when the King approached her and Kieran, but she eased up when she saw Cullen looking at her and she greeted Alistair with a slight bow.

He saw the Cousland’s make their way over to the tree to pay their respects. Aedan waved him down and gave Cullen a knowing look as he pulled the Commander into a hug. Cullen eased into it when he heard Aedan snuffle slightly and he realized that Josh affected the Couslands deeply.

He saw Cole smiling beside Belle as they spoke with a man and a woman he did not recognize, a mage and templar that Cole seemed to know. They waved to him as they paid their respects to the tree planted in Josh’s honor. He also saw Branson, Jaime and Bethany sitting together, chatting as Rosalie passed them by with Krem leading her to the Chargers. The motley crew for once was on their best behavior but looked genuinely saddened by the Knight-Enchanter’s passing.

Next, he saw the Council of Heralds and the Empress arrive with Briala on her arm. They had sad looks as they moved over to Alara and the inner circle then him. People were abuzz as the Empress and Marquess expressed their deepest heartfelt condolences and hugged Cullen. For once, Cullen saw tears in Celene’s eyes. She was a shrewd woman, but Josh seemed to have defrosted her cold heart by reuniting her with Briala.

People came and went by him, offering him condolences as the day went by. It didn’t really take note until an old woman he remembered nodded slowly to him as she apologized, but he immediately snapped at her and caught everyone’s attention.

“You don’t deserve forgiveness. You come here, after he has died like some sniveling hag and you ask me, the man he loved for forgiveness? The gall! You are lucky that you remain, Lady Trevelyan.” Cullen sneered as he pointed at her. “Despite your horrid treatment and trying to change him, he was a better man than anyone here and his father would be proud to have such a son. Do not speak to me and do not dare ask for my forgiveness again. You will never get it.”

The old woman, whose face was always pulled into a perpetual frown buckled backward in sadness and a younger woman caught her from falling and asked her father to seat her on one of the benches.

“Forgive my aunt, Ser Rutherford. My name is Evelyn, I am- was Joshua’s cousin.”

Cullen nodded to her but she remained at his side as people greeted him.

“If you do not mind me asking…” Evelyn began as she straightened her hair and looked at him with her bright green eyes as Cullen looked at her and saw her wearing a templar uniform. “Was he happy with you? I always wondered, I sent him a few letters but he never replied.”

“He was.”

“I’m sorry if I’m prying Ser Rutherford.” Evelyn bowed as she spoke and gave him a sad look. “I was stationed at the Ostwick Circle. We…were not close.”

“Because he loved Ser Jason?” The templar nodded to him meekly as he gritted his teeth.

“I…was the one who got him and Jason into trouble. It was Aunt Aurelia’s plan. She could be quite convincing.”

“I see.” Cullen gave her an expressionless look as he turned back to the stones that signified Josh’s resting place by the Dalish customs. He saw a man with brownish gray hair wave to her as said uncle spoke to Aurelia. “Lady Evelyn, let me be frank. I do not care for you or your horrid family. Josh’s family was the Inquisition. Now excuse me, my lady.”

The woman nodded sadly as she bid him farewell and returned to her parents and Aurelia. Cullen watched as Alara waved to him and pointed to his left. Keeper Deshanna made her way to him with a poignant smile as the Dalish clan’s began to pour into the garden with Velanna and Loranil, much to every noble’s bewilderment.

The Keeper of Clan Lavellan expressed a deep found respect for Cullen and his partner. She gifted him with a halla, carved out of ironwood in honor of the mage. He flushed as he held the intricately carved masterpiece in his hands and took in its finer details. He placed it at the foot of the newly planted tree and Deshanna nodded to him as she disappeared into the crowd.

He watched as the Legion of the Dead came to Skyhold with Sigrun and Oghren came with King Bhelen, a blonde dwarf with scheming eyes and his royal guard. They greeted everyone and Cullen and stood at the tree for a moment until everyone turned to the main hall’s entrance and gasped.

Neria appeared, arm in arm with a large qunari, the first Cullen had ever seen without horns. He wore distinct red armor that Cullen recognized from Kirkwall. This man was the Arishok and he was followed by his personal guards.

Everyone backed away as the hornless qunari made his way to the tree and placed his hand on it. He spoke in qunlat and unfortunately, Cullen did not understand what he said. He moved over to Cullen and nodded but sent a glare towards Iron Bull as he spoke.

“Shanedan, sataareth. Thedas has lost a great man. I have never met him but he is kadan, like the warden is to me.” The Qunari pointed to Neria who smiled solemnly as she turned to the tree and paid her respects. The Arishok nodded to her as they turned to take their places in the garden but Cullen grabbed his hand and the huge man gave him a curious look as he shook it eagerly.

“Thank you for coming, Arishok.”

“Do not thank me. The Qunari respect the Inquisitor. He was a good man even if he did not follow the Qun. I must honor him. Sataareth kadan hass-toh issala ebasit.” The former-sten smiled slightly as Cullen released his hand and nodded to him as Neria led him to Morrigan and Alistair. Bull rushed to his side and grinned ear to ear.

“You just shook hands with the most powerful man in the Qun.” Bull patted his back and smiled as he pointed to the tree with a sad grimace. “Kadan is the word we reserve for true friends, lovers even. For him to come here and call Josh that is a massive deal. The Inquisition has his attention now.”

“That sounds bad.”

“Not really. It just means that the Qunari respect what Josh did. They respect his actions. He’s…a hero.” Bull gave him a worried look as Cullen turned his attention to the mercenary captain. “That said, how are you holding up Cullen?”

“I feel like crap.” Cullen snarled as he rubbed the back of his neck and flushed.

“It’s alright to feel that way. So long as you remember that we’re here for you. Boss…he was kadan and so are you.” Bull said as he pulled Cullen into a bear hug, Cullen didn’t mind the contact, truth was he needed the hug. He didn’t care who gave it to him.

“I appreciate it, Iron Bull.”

“Any time, Cullen. Red’s going to sing for us.” Bull pointed to Leliana, who hugged at a blond elf he remembered from Kinloch Hold, an Antivan Crow called Zevran, the elf smiled at the bard as she pulled away and placed herself at the foot of the tree as the crowd quieted down at Josephine’s behest.

“For my dear friend, the man who saved us all: Josh.” Leliana nodded to herself as Cullen saw the tears sliding down her cheeks. He moved to comfort her but Bull held him in place as she began her song.

 

hahren na melana sahlin

emma ir abelas

souver’inan isala hamin

vhenan him dor’felas

in uthenera na revas

 

vir sulahn’nehn

vir dirthera

vir samahl la numin

vir lath sa’vunin

 

Cullen bowed his head as he left the gardens when he saw the Seeker approach Alara with the standard-issue Knight-Enchanter blade to declare her as the new Inquisitor. Cassandra called out to him to stop, but he persisted as the world lost color once more and the crack played in his mind again, over and over. He locked himself in his tower and wept as he recounted every day he had with Josh in a single song sung by Leliana and the sword used to appoint Josh as Inquisitor. He pulled out the half of Josh’s necklace and he clasped it and wore it around his neck. He wiped his tears and gritted his teeth.

He heard a knock at his door after he was done packing up his things and Alara scowled when she saw him pull his helmet over his head.

“Where are you going?! Cullen?!”

“This is all too much for me. I will visit her when I can but I cannot remain. She needs the Inquisition to be her family now. Without Josh…I can’t…I can’t do it.” Cullen said as he descended the stairs and made his way down to the main gates with Alara and now Cassandra on his tail. “I joined because the Seeker asked me to, but I stayed because of your brother. He is gone and there is no reason for me to stay. Sulahn has the Inquisition. I cannot be her father without Josh. He was my rock, my heart-”

“I…don’t understand…”

“I am no longer Commander of the Inquisition; however I will be a part of the Inner Circle. Call on me when you have need of me, but for now- I would like nothing more than to find my own way. Until then, I entrust my daughter to the Inner Circle.”

“Cullen.” Cassandra hugged at him with teary eyes as they stopped in front of the drawbridge and the rest of the inner circle arrived and stood behind her.“Maker be with you.” 

“Will He be with me like He was with His Herald?” Cullen cursed as he gave her a fiery look. She tilted her head in confusion; even Sera looked at him bamboozled as he snarled. “I will find my own way in this god forsaken world. Do a better job with Alara than you did with Josh. We failed him. I failed him. Do not fail her!”

“You didn’t fail him, Cullen. He saved-” Cole spoke and the other nodded in agreement.

“Compassion- I am beyond your help. Help Alara. Help Sulahn. I need to find my own way.”

Cullen saw his siblings approach with Sulahn holding Rosalie tightly. She reached out to her father but he shook his head as he drew Rosalie and Sulahn into a hug.

“I love you Sulahn, but I need to find my way. I will return soon, I promise ma ashalan.”

The Lion of Skyhold strode outside of the fortress with nothing but his belongings and a broken heart. He lost his place in the world and now it was up to him to find a new place in a world without Joshua Trevelyan. 

All was silence as the inner circle watched in shock as Cullen disappeared into the distance and all that remained was an overwhelming sense of dread for the times ahead.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will admit, writing Sera has made me cry a few times.


	15. Trespassing Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen found his place in a world without Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Stronger Faster Braver (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell.

A hooded figure dismounted her horse as she approached the cabin in the woods bordering Honnleath. She had heard the rumors of the Lion of Skyhold settling down near his hometown but she did not believe it, until the spymaster confirmed her findings and offered to send her agents to get in contact with the reclusive former-templar. The archer decided to go personally to see the Lion of Skyhold. She needed his aid with a matter of utmost urgency. 

She nodded to herself as she approached the front door and knocked. There was no answer at first but soon she felt a blade to her hip and she smiled to herself when she felt his hot breath against her neck.

“What do you want with me?”

“A favor.” The archer fade-stepped from his blade and threw back her hood as she notched an arrow, the former templar sneered when he saw her and moved out of the way when she fired an arrow to his chest. He pushed her against the wall of his cabin and grinned as he held her in place.

“A favor?” Cullen asked as he pulled her into a hug and shook his head. “Who do you want dead, Inquisitor?”

“Not that kind of favor but it might be just as serious.”Alara pulled away as she straightened up her cropped bob. She looked Cullen over and smirked as she caught hold of his braid and his ponytail, then stroked his beard, then took in his war paint. “He would have liked this look.”

“I hope so.” The former-commander nodded as he ran his fingers through his long hair and opened his door for her. She stepped inside and saw a huntsman’s cabin filled with various weapons lining the walls. It had a small fire pit, a cot and a table with a small book that seemed to be a journal of sorts. “Sorry about the smell.”

“I smelled worse on the Chargers.” Alara shrugged as she ignored the pungent smell he had and sat down on the table that Cullen pointed to. “It’s been two years since…how are you- I mean…I…I’m not very good at this…”

“I miss him.” Cullen grinned slightly as he waved his hand and brought the dying embers of the fire pit to life. He brewed them a strong blend of elvhen tea as Solas used to make it for himself and Josh “There’s not much else to say. I’ll never get over him, Alara.”

“Ashara.” 

“What?” Cullen gave her a confused look and the archer chuckled.

“Alara is my humanized name. Lady Aurelia didn’t like Ashara.” She took Cullen’s hand and placed it on her cheek. “You are family, lethallin. I love you as my brother. It is only right that you know my true name.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

“It is no trouble. Only a few know it. Consider yourself lucky.”

“I don’t feel lucky but I digress. What was the favor you wished to ask of me?” Cullen asked as he moved to remove the kettle and poured out their cups of tea. Alara smiled as she downed the bitter tea as it warmed her up from the inside out.

“There’s trouble ahead.” Alara grimaced as she brought her hand to her forehead in frustration and cussed out loud as she gritted her teeth. “Ferelden and Orlais have been called for an Exalted Council at Divine Victoria’s behest to discuss the future of the Inquisition. It’s next week.”

“So soon?” Cullen gave her incredulous look as he took the empty cup from her and placed it inside his water basin.

“It’s been planned for a while, I wanted to tell you. I’m sorry- I wasn’t sure if you’d be up to it or not. But I would really feel better if you came. You are my trusted friend and you know of my sorrow- I know yours, we might as well go together.”

“I agree.” Cullen gave Alara a nod as she moved over to the door and he followed her outside.

“Skyhold isn’t the same without you, Cullen.”

“Nothing is the same without Josh. I trust you understand why I will never return to live there.” Alara nodded to him as she hugged at his chest.

“I know.”

“The gang will probably be together in the Winter Palace, I am not looking forward to all the questions and the proposals.” Cullen flushed as he scratched his neck and gave the Inquisitor an exasperated look. “I‘ve had to drive a few nobles away with traps and wild life. Messy business.”

The former-templar stretched out his hand and a large brown owl landed on his gauntlet and hooted at him as it regarded Alara with its large eyes. It cooed as Cullen stoked its head and it closed its eyes in enjoyment as the warrior offered it some water from his water-skin.

“I met the Avvar we befriended in the Frostback Basin; they took a liking to me and taught me to hunt. They were impressed when they saw that I could weave fire into my weapons and summon it up like a regular mage.” Cullen kissed the owl’s head and it flew back into the trees. “They taught me to call the animals of the forest and to befriend them…kind of like how Josh- how he…”

Cullen’s voice gave way and he gave Alara a sad look.

“He didn’t deserve to die.”

“He didn’t.” Alara nodded as she moved back to her horse and Cullen followed. “I admit, my life feels false. No Solas and no Josh- it feels like I’m dreaming.”

“Don’t feel bad, sister. I awaken every morning expecting to see him to my left. I’m disappointed each day.”

Alara nodded as Cullen helped her to mount her horse and she smiled to him.

“The soldiers miss you. Rylen isn’t the Commander you were.”

“Rylen is the best you have and with Spymaster Lace now that Leliana is Divine Victoria, I think the Inquisition will do fine.”

“That was a bit of a surprise wasn’t it? Leliana- Divine.” Alara chuckled as she blew the ex-templar a raspberry, he merely grinned to himself.

“Not really. She might have lied to Josh, but he liked her. He also respected Fen’Harel. He stands for freedom and that is what Leliana offers the Chantry- freedom. I guess he wanted it for everyone.” Cullen shrugged as he looked out in the distance and shielded his eyes from the sun’s glare. “You should go before sunset. Things lurk in the forest at night.”

“You’d protect me.”

“I would and I would chastise you for not listening. Josh isn’t…look- I am your older brother now, you need to listen. Stopping being a know-it-all and listen to me for once. Leave now before it gets dark.”

“Fine. Ar lath ma brother. I look forward to seeing you at the Winter Palace next week. Lots of trouble ahead but it would go along much easier with you around.” Alara cracked her reins and the horse started a brisk walk towards Skyhold.

“Ar lath ma sister. Don’t worry, I will be there. Just…be careful.”

“Always.”

Cullen retreated into his cabin and he began to pack up his belongings into a small canvas bag he carried for long journeys. He then entered the town to inform his family that he was leaving for Orlais soon and that they needed to take care of Sulahn while he was gone. He smiled briefly as he held the necklace Josh made, holding Branson’s coin and his mother’s ring in his hand. It was warm to the touch and saved him a good few times from death. Holding the necklace was his way of keeping Josh in his life. He looked after Cullen, even after dying.

Several villagers waved at him as he passed and he nodded to them and he made his way to the farm Branson and Mia ran on the edge of town. He grinned when he saw Krem sparring with his younger brother. They stopped when they caught sight of the hunter.

“Brother.” Branson nodded to him as Krem grinned at him and he tackled the distracted soldier to the ground.

“Thank you for that, brother-in-law.” The Tevinter mercenary chuckled as he helped a scoffing Branson to his feet. “Don’t look so sad, you’ll just have to try again to beat me.”

“I need to speak to Rose, Krem. Where is she today?”

“Down by the lake with Sulahn.”

“Thank you. Go easy on Branson.” Cullen whispered with a small giggle as he turned to leave. “He needs his pretty face intact if he wants to find a rich dowager willing to court him.”

“I heard that!” The soldier hissed as Cullen heard a wooden sword connect with his face and Cullen inwardly laughed.

He took a slow walk towards the lake and he was greeted by many Inquisition soldiers he trained personally. They gave him warm looks but behind it he could see that they missed him- their Commander. Cullen, however felt no sadness for his decision to leave the Inquisition. He needed to leave. He needed to find himself again, he needed time to adjust to his life without his lover, his heart.

When he caught sight of Sulahn, with her silvery blonde hair tied into pigtails sitting with Rosalie, he smiled. He approached them and cleared his throat and his daughter immediately flew to her feet and smiled.

“Babae!” The child signed as she ran into his arms and he held her tight. She was now tall enough to stand at his hips and grinned as he rubbed his hands over her silken hair. Rosalie smiled at her brother as she approached him and drew him into a hug.

“I knew you would leave again.” Rose bawled into his cloak and inhaled when he brought his hand to her cheek as he pulled away. “So...what’s the reason this time brother? Inquisition business? Avvar in trouble? A kitten in a tree? Damsel in distress?”

“The Inquisitor has invited me to accompany her to the Winter Palace.”

“Really?” Rosalie gave him a confused look as he explained the situation and shook her head frantically and pointed to his daughter. “You should take Sulahn with you. She misses the others.”

The child pulled at his cloak and gave him a nod as she turned to Rosalie and signed sadly.

“I miss ma fen.”

“We miss him too, ashalan.” Cullen got down to his knees and pulled her into a tight hug as she wrapped her little limbs around his neck. “I miss him beyond words. You are not alone in your sorrow.”

The child kissed his cheek and he flushed slightly when she pulled away and smiled as she signed.

“Ar lath ma, ma vherain.”

“Ar lath ma, ma halla.” Cullen kissed her forehead as she moved back to the lake and watched the water as it moved to the winds.

“I will be leaving tonight. Ready her things for the journey. If you have need of me, use the horn I fashioned to call the owl. He will find me.”

“I will brother.” Rosalie smiled as she took Sulahn back to the farm and Cullen made his way towards the Chantry, but stopped himself from stepping inside. He stood at the gates and shook his head as he looked at the statue of Andraste in its courtyard with fury as he turned to leave.

“What good is a silent God? Are you no better than the Old Gods?”

 

\---

 

Cullen cringed when he saw Skyhold in the distance. He did not want to return but Sulahn would be safer with Alara until the day arrived to leave for Orlais. He saw his former comrades look at him in disbelief as he dismounted the bear he befriended in the Hinterlands and left her in Master Dennet’s care. The old man looked at him in confusion but Cullen assured him that the bear was perfectly safe to handle, so long as no one tried to hurt her.

The fortress was bustling with new recruits and messengers as he approached the main hall but all was silence once he reached the top of the flight of stairs and saw Commander Rylen. The man rushed him down and pulled him into a hug, one that Cullen happily reciprocated.

“Commander Rylen.”

“Commander- I mean…Cullen.” Rylen gave him a sad look as he led the former-templar towards the main hall and nodded to Sulahn. “It’s good to see you. And you my lady.”

“You as well, Commander.” Cullen patted his back and gave him a brave smile as the nobles gasped when they caught sight of them entering the room. Josephine came running from her office and Harding sprinted out from the rotunda to see what the problem was. When they saw Cullen, they run towards him and the former-commander found himself being hugged by the spymaster and the ambassador.

“Cullen!” Josephine was the first to speak as she pulled away, then Harding. “W-Welcome back!”

 The dwarf looked at him with curious eyes as he looked at his former companions and saw how much had changed in two years without Josh. Josephine hugged at Sulahn and smiled to herself when the elf kissed her cheek.

Rylen had a small goatee and his normally covered hair was exposed, his brown hair curled messily, reminding him of Branson. Harding looked sterner but she seemed to be the light hearted spirit he remembered. Her hair was tousled and cut short into a shoulder length cut that accentuated her lovely face. Josephine had her hair down for once, tied into a low ponytail with a small, stylish fringe; she looked tired and very, very glad to see Cullen. However he was not in a chatty mood.

“Forgive me for being rude, but I don’t intend to linger.” Cullen snarled as he handed Josephine the bag Rosalie packed for Sulahn. The Antivan took it eagerly and gave Cullen a worried look but he waved her off. He crouched down and kissed his daughter on her cheek and smiled when she mouthed an ‘I love you’ to him as Josh did. He mouthed it back as he turned to the advisors and wondered where Seeker Pentaghast was. “Cassandra’s still rebuilding the Seekers?”

“Yes, as far as we can tell, she will be present when we leave for the Winter Palace. Where will you be in the meanwhile?” Josephine asked but Cullen shook his head.

“Do not prepare a room. I will live with the Avvar of Stone-Bear Hold for the moment. They have taken a liking to me and I, them. It is better this way, trust me Lady Ambassador, I am not good company. Please take care of my Sulahn.”

“As you wish, Cullen.” She nodded to him as he turned to leave. He left Skyhold as quickly as he could and made his way to the Frostback Basin.

His arrival was well received as the Avvar and Thane Svarah Sun-hair named him First-Thaw, an agent who came and went as he pleased, so long as he respected the Avvar’s ways. He was fierce, brave and he wanted to help. She would not deny someone who loved the man who healed the wounds in the Lady of the Skies’ skin. He was their savor in a way, especially after Alara helped him slay Hakkon and return the Avvar’s sacred Hold-Beast, Storvacker to them. He was a lowlander, but he was their lowlander and Cullen enjoyed being a part of the tribe.

As a result of his visits to the Avvar, Cullen started to wear less armor and trained to fight as they did and learned the nature magicks of their shamans. He discarded his lion helm and his overcoat completely and opted to wear a light breastplate made from dragonscales. His sword arm was covered in his silverite vambrace and gauntlet but his shield arm was left bare with only a leather glove and war paint that spiral his arm and spanned his chest in the shape of black flames.

He earned the right to don the war paint after besting several ritual tests created by Arena Trainer Arrken Feldsen a year prior. The Avvar since loved First-Thaw as their own and tasked him with helping the tribe to overcome problems that the Avvar themselves could not solve.

Cullen did his best to exercise his skills when facing such problems on behalf of the tribe. He used diplomacy when a group of Dalish wandered into their territory, a few words of elvhen and some mild warnings not to insult the Avvar Gods and the elves began to trade with the tribe much to the thane’s surprise.

A few times, outlaws would try their luck, but one look as Cullen rushed at them with fire all over his body, yelling out war cries as he ran and most outlaws turn tailed and ran for their lives, believing him to be some kind of Avvar boogeyman. 

Sometimes their Hold-Beast would hurt the shamans in a fit of rage or agitation, to which Cullen would be called as he developed an improbable bond with nature during his time with the shamans. He would extend his hand and the bear would calm down and nuzzle it.

There had been many offers for marriage to Cullen from amongst the ladies of Stone-Bear Hold but Thane Svarah knew his reasons for not accepting any of them. She believed that the Lady of the Skies would look after the man who healed her and Cullen smiled at her idealism and beliefs. It was nice to hear someone say that Josh would be treated well at the Maker, Creators, the Avvar Gods or whatever created everyone and everything’s side.

Cullen was Andrastrian at heart, but he needed to understand others and as such he adopted the Avvar Gods willingly. They had their place in life and comforted him to know that Josh had a place in Avvar culture. The Maker and his Bride were silent and it made him feel at ease to know that Josh was somewhere better than the god forsaken world he lived in.

One day during his stay, the former-commander busied himself with some weapon’s training when his owl hooted and it flew to his shoulder. It craned its head and rubbed at his neck as he removed the letter tied to its talons.

 

\---

 

Dearest brother.

 

It turns out that I will be seeing you at the Winter Palace after all. Bull came here to see you, but since you already left for Skyhold and then probably the Avvar (yes, I know you that well), he would come to fetch you for the Exalted Council. I will travel there with my lovely husband and his merry band of Chargers and I look forward to seeing you and little Sulahn,

 

Your loving sister

Rosalie Aclassi Rutherford

\---

 

The former-templar grinned as he stroked the owl and allowed it to return to Honnleath as he pocketed the letter and returned to his strenuous training.

Cullen ate less after Josh’s death and as a result he lost some weight, but his muscles were stronger than ever from training with the Avvar. He noticed that it was easier for him to maneuver the battlefield with his light armor and revised weapons, an Avvar blade made from dragonbone and a light round shield wrapped with dragon webbing. He loved the feeling of not being weighed down by armor. There was something very liberating about it.

His mind momentarily moved to Josh as he took time to relax and he said a silent prayer for his deceased lover. It compassed all the gods he knew and it soothe his heart to think of his friend, his lover, his other half. He was still greatly saddened by Josh’s death but he knew Josh would want him to fight on. To live on.

He wondered if Josh would consider him sexy in his new armor and his war paint as he took some of it and painted the flames, rising past his neck and onto his left cheek and crept to his hairline. He made a few licks of flame dancing over his eyes and nose as well. He looked into the mirror in his cabin as he smiled as he admired himself. Would Josh still like him?

He shook his head as he looked away from the mirror. Of course Josh would still like him if he were still alive. He chastised himself for ever thinking that Josh could ever stop loving him. Even in death, Cullen was convinced that Josh would never stop loving him and neither would he stop loving Josh.

During a lonely night, Cullen trekked out into the wilderness and sat down on a lonesome rock as he watched the trees and bushes bend to the wind as a cold breeze filled the air. It was his nightly routine; he would meditate and clear his head.

 He heard a solemn howl as a woman let out a battle cry. It was a year since their descent into the Deep Roads, but he knew the voice well. He ran in the direction of the shouts and he saw Cassandra blocking the lunges of several wolves. Iron Bull jumped off his horse and moved to assist her but Cullen shouted for them to stop.

The pair looked at him in confusion as the wolves backed away when Cullen drew near. He glared at them and they at him until Cassandra recognized his voice and her jaw dropped in surprise as Cullen called out to a wounded wolf and it settled down beside him as the former-commander crouched to the grass. Its leg had a bad gash that needed immediate attention.

“Cullen?” Cassandra asked but he shushed her with an angry look as Cullen placed his hand over the wound and intoned fire. The warmth of the flame seeped into the cut and it knitted within a few seconds. The wolf licked at his face and barked happily as it ran off to its pack. “You just healed a wolf!?”

“That I did.” Cullen nodded as he gave them a dirty look as he settled his hand on his pommel. “Did you really have to hurt that wolf? He was just protecting his family.”

“You’re an Avvar now.” Bull smiled as he touched the former-templar’s braid and his ponytail, Cullen First-Thaw pulled away with an irritated look as he grew flustered. 

“Don’t do that…” Cullen stammered as he looked away and shook his head as he turned back to his former companions. He was surprised to see them look different compared to how he remembered. “You guys look different.”

“A lot has…happened.” The Seeker admitted as she smiled sadly. Cassandra’s hair was now loosely tied into a messy bun, her cheekbones framed by her lustrous black hair. Cullen actually found himself staring at her in disbelief because she looked radiant- beautiful even. “Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?”

“N-No. You look good, Lady Cassandra.” Cullen grinned as she flushed. Bull moved over to him and pulled him into a hug. Cullen groaned slightly when he felt his air being pushed out and the huge warrior pulled away with an apologetic glance. 

The Iron Bull had hair growing on his head, a thick mohawk of black hair that stood out between his horns. His beard and moustache was also thick and gave him a more austere look compared to how he looked a year ago.

“I…” Bull began as he flushed. “We missed you. Skyhold wasn’t the same without you and then everyone went their own way. I heard Alara saw you personally to invite you. I love her new look.”

“It suits her.” Cullen First-Thaw grinned as he rode with Cassandra back to Stone-Bear Hold. Thane Svarah welcomed from with open arms once he explained the situation to her. She was sad to see him go but she affirmed that Stone-Bear Hold would always be his home.

“You’re going like that?” Cassandra asked with an incredulous look as Cullen slung his travel bag onto his back. He nodded to her and she flinched slightly. “Aren’t you worried that the nobles will faint at the sight of you and your…?”

Cassandra pointed to his arm and his face, in particular the black flames.

“It’s war-paint- I earned the right to wear it and…no. If they faint, that’s their business, better for me- fewer proposals then.” Cullen smirked as he opened the large stall door opposite his companions’ horses and grinned when Cassandra let out a gasp when she saw the large brown bear charge at him and nuzzle his chest. Iron Bull had a look of amazement as he moved closer but Cullen stopped him. “Wait. Let me first…”

Cullen took Bull’s hand in his own and the larger man chuckled when he felt the bear lick at the inside of his palm when Cullen whispered inside its ear. Cassandra had a look of horror as the bear took an immediate liking to the qunari and nuzzled his arms and his chest. When Cullen offered to have the bear lick her hand, she immediate shot to her horse and mounted it and moved to the entrance of Stone-Bear Hold. Unfortunately, Cullen explained to Bull that the bear would never allow him to ride it. It trusted Cullen First-Thaw and only Cullen First-Thaw.

The warriors explained to Cullen that they would be meeting up with Alara in the Exalted Plains, then they would ride for Val Royeaux and leave for the Winter Palace once Josephine and the other advisor’s arrived.

The ride was largely uneventful. During their camps, Cullen showed Bull and Cassandra how to hunt respectfully without displeasing the Avvar Gods. The former-commander’s knowledge of survival and herbalism techniques made Cassandra double take while Bull opted to learn from him quite eagerly.

Cullen ended up showing them how he used his owl to carry messages for him, Cassandra seemed impressed by it. So much so she asked how it worked.

“Josh used to befriend spirits. My bond with Valor gives me a measure of power over the Veil, I can use it to speak to animals, convince them not to hurt me, to help me instead.”

“What about the bear and the owl? Did they really just decide to answer your beck and call?” The seeker gave him a worried look but he chuckled and took her hand in his. He grinned to himself as Bull leaned forward to listen to his explanation.

“Hehe, no. Actually, I saved them. It’s more of a loyalty thing. Animals understand actions and by helping them at their worst, I kind of made myself their family. Granted, the owl shitted on my head for the first few weeks and the bear almost crushed me when it rolled over me during its naps. It was worth it.” Cullen smiled as he offered Cassandra a piece of veal he wrapped on a stick and pointed to the bear. “Come on seeker. Bull touched it and it kissed his hand. You faced demons and worst shit. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“If I lose a hand, I’m going to kill you.” Cassandra snarled as she took the meat coated stick and prodded the bear with it. The bear turned to it and bite down hard on the meat, breaking the stick in half as the bear crouched down and eat the meat with its sharp fangs. Cassandra let out a girlish cry when it finished eating and pinned her down. As it moved to her face, Bull unsheathed his blade but Cullen grabbed his hand and pointed to the bear as it moved in and licked her face. “No! N-ha! Ahahahahaha!”

Cassandra burst into a giggle fit as the bear licked her face until Cullen eased it away from her.

“No limbs lost. She’s peaceful, no?”

“Yes, peaceful. And really smelly.” Cassandra cussed as she climbed back to her feet and grinned as the bear gave her a sad look. “She’s like a giant mabari.”

 

\---

 

“Women are looking at you like bitches in heat.” Bull wolf whistled with a brief snigger as he pointed to some women fanning themselves and looking utterly ridiculous as they pined over Cullen.

“So?” Cullen grunted as he rolled his eyes and glared right back at the women in question, making them avert their eyes as the group rode into the Winter Palace. He sent a glace towards Josephine who grinned at him. “I am not a bargaining chip.” 

“Indeed you are not, but truly it is nicer to speak about people desiring you than the looming threat this council portends for the Inquisition.”

“Think of it this way…” Alara began as she turned to him and sighed as Sulahn stirred in her grasp as she awoke. “…You look like death- You look like you crawled out of the ass end of nowhere and women- and some men are still fawning over you. And you’re riding a bear! I applaud that Cullen First-Thaw.”

‘Thank you Alara.” 

“Here for morale support and eating sweet stuff. Also I like to kill bad guys.” Alara winked at him as they arrived at the main entrance and the keeper gave Sulahn to Cullen as the servants took the mounts to the stables. Sulahn yawned as she moved behind her father as the Inquisitor moved to the hall where the council would take place. Cullen followed Iron Bull and Cassandra as they entered the gardens.

A man with long, billowing black hair ran towards Bull and pulled him into a hug. At first, Cullen didn’t recognize him until the man spoke and his Tevinter accent gave him away. His signature moustache was still present and all in all he looked good. He pulled away from Bull and latched onto Cassandra much to her disapproval but froze when he saw Cullen.

“The Lion of Skyhold returning to the pride I see.” Dorian smiled as he took Cullen’s hand and kissed it, the former-templar feint interest as he grimaced to himself when Dorian began to chat up a storm but Cullen merely ignored him as Sulahn reached up and kissed the mage when he bent down beside her. “Never mind the grumpy lion, I’ll spend time with you Miss Cutiepie- we’ll eat sweets, have tea, and chat about boys!”

Cullen scoffed as he watched Dorian walk off with Iron Bull and his daughter. Cassandra passed him by with Ser Barris and Fiona. First-Thaw decided to go to the tavern for a quick drink. He ordered ale and the barkeep gave him a strange look but obliged once he realized Cullen was a guest of the Inquisition. He took a seat at the bar and cringed when he heard a shrill voice.

“No shite, Cullen-Wullen?!” Sera broke into a giggle fit as she darted over to him and pulled him into a teary hug. “Andraste’s ass! You look like a real lion now! Scary innit?”

“I…” Cullen watched as she pulled away and he noticed that her normally, uneven cut hair was longer, reaching her shoulders. The front and back was still uneven though but she still had her mischievous giggle as she took in his attire from head to toe. “Your hair...”

“I know right!” Sera chuckled as she twirled about and whipped her hair about. “You look good Curly-Wurly. Been with those creepy Avvar people. Good on you Lionheart.”

“Thanks. They took me in; I know a few party tricks we could use to prank some fools here.” Cullen shot her a mischievous look as she gave him a worried glance.

“Who are you and what you do with Cullen-Wullen?” Sera shook her head as she pinched his exposed arm. The Lion of Skyhold gritted his teeth as he gave her a wicked grin. “I like this new Cullen. Fun times ahead innit?”

“Yes. Definitely.” Cullen smirked as she led him away from the tavern after he finished his ale. She handed him a few balloons filled with water and threw a few nobles with them. He surprised her by calling in his owl and getting to it drop a balloon on Alara, who ended up chasing them around the palace with a drenched dress while Cullen and Sera giggled to their heart’s content. 

They ended the fun times with a balloon aimed at each other and ended up getting some admirers for Cullen from noblewomen ogling his glistening form. Luckily, his war-paint was already hardened so it began to crack and couldn’t be removed unless he used a special, colorless war paint that allowed the old paint to peel off on its own, so it didn’t spoil from the water.

“Creators I needed that. The Exalted Council is in an hour and I feel like the day my underpants fell down to my knees during great aunt Lucille’s soiree.” Alara blushed as she fanned at her face with her hands and looked at Cullen and Sera in exasperation. “I really miss Josh. He would know what to do…”

“I miss him was well, but there’s no use dwelling on it. Channel the badassery you displayed when facing Florianne.“ Cullen tittered as he gave Sera a lopsided grin, the rogue joined in the laugh as she gave Alara a serious look.

“Oh right, wasn’t there. Heard you were quite the badass that day with…Josh-Posh…shite- it hurts still.” Sera snarled as she grew red in her face and looked away. “It’s been what…two years? And I still ain’t over it. Shite.”

“I’ll speak candidly with you, Sera. I will never get over it. I try not to dwell on it. I was the last person to see him alive. It tears at my heart each morning when I look to my left and he’s not there.” Cullen gave her a sad look as he took her hand and Alara’s hand. Both elves look at him with warmth he associated with how Josh brought people together. “We…have each other. He brought us together and I find comfort in knowing that I have friends who understand how I feel.”

“I agree.” Alara nodded as she smiled at her former companions and waved down a waiter and ordered wine. When it arrived she gave each a glass and raised it to the sky. “To Josh. The best kind of brother…”

“The best kind of lover…”

“And the bestest friend I ever had.” Sera cried and Cullen got up from his seat to hug at her chest. “Aww, the lion’s really a softie.”

“You’re family.” Cullen shrugged as he gave Alara and Sera a chance to chat. He got up from his seat and took a stroll through the gardens. 

He enjoyed nature and the palace gardens were the closest he would get to nature during his time there. While exploring said garden, he encountered a mabari. It wagged its tail and licked at his face as he knelt to its level. He saw an Orlesian noble cuss as he pointed to the dog angrily. The noble decided to abandon the mabari for the reason that it was too Fereldan and that really stuck a nerve in Cullen.

First-Thaw was more than pleased to give the foolish Orlesian a good tongue lashing, when the noble scampered, Cullen stroked the dog and chuckled when it licked his face in appreciation. He managed to organize some food for it from a servant that recognized him from the ball. When the mabari ate to its fill, the elven lass returned with a ball.

“This is not much, Ser Rutherford but thank you. Your Inquisition has really helped the elves. The humans don’t lord over us as much as before and as you can see I get time to do as I please.” The brunette smiled as she bowed to him. He stopped her and smiled.

“It’s a pleasure Lady…?”

“Lailani.” The elf curtsy him and waved to the mabari who barked happily as Cullen took her other hand and kissed it.

“It has been an honor, Lady Lailani. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.” Cullen nodded to her as she greeted him and turned to leave. He turned to the eager dog and chuckled when he threw the ball and the dog darted after it, knocking a few nobles off their feet as it ran into the gardens. A few guards chortled to each other as they saw the nobles strewn about on the floor, some with their rumps in the air while others end up flat on their butts. “You there! If that was a fireball you’d be dead.”

The mabari returned with the ball in its mouth. It dropped the slobbered projectile at Cullen’s feet and the warrior stroked the dog as it rolled onto its back and panted happily as Cullen rubbed at his underbelly.

“Josh would have liked you.” Cullen murmured as he stroked the warm fur but the dog caught onto his sadness and stood upright and enveloped him like how Josh hugged him in his wolf from. Cullen held onto the dog and chuckled when it licked at his war-paint. “Perceptive one, aren’t you?”

“C-Cullen?” A stern voice shouted as Cullen pulled away from the dog and he saw a lady dressed in a flaming red dress with stylish burgundy boots. She had pixie cut blonde hair and a man beside her with long silverly blonde hair. He recognized the empathic eyes immediately smiled when Belle extended her hand. He took it’s eagerly as Cole moved about him and smiled. “It’s…been too long.”

“You found your place.” Cole smirked as he moved back to Belle and she clasped her hand in his with a look of bliss. “Just as I have.”

“I have, Cole.” Cullen nodded to the former-spirit with a sad look. “I just wish he didn’t…die. I miss him.”

“I miss him too. He helped me when I needed him most but I could not help him when he needed it. It’s always in my head and it hurts, but I remember his smile when he looked at you.” Cole turned Belle with a smile and he pecked her cheek. “He was my old brother. I love him still even if he isn’t here.”

Cullen chuckled when Cole let out a small yelp when the mabari licked at his fingers. Belle kneeled down and stroked the dog as Cole caught up with Cullen. As they spoke Cullen felt uneasy as if he was being watched. He looked behind Cole towards an archway and saw a brief movement but dismissed it as nothing when the mabari rubbed against his body. He nuzzled the dog with his hands and Belle stood up and nodded.

“Just another Fereldan stuck at the Winter Palace, like us.”

“Yes. I could not leave him to such a cruel fate.” Cullen got the uneasy feeling again and this time he saw the shadow again, it moved the moment he looked in a blur of motion and disappeared into the shadows as he turned back to belle and Cole who gave him a worried look. “Did you feel that?”

“I didn’t feel-“

“Like the wind turned suddenly? Someone is here. I can’t read their intentions.” Cole snarled as he gave Cullen a sad glance. “I can barely read thoughts now, but I can read intent. This…feeling is foreboding but not malicious.”

“Do you think anyone is in danger?”

“Of course. But not by whatever we felt.” Cole shook his head as he looked about. “Whoever turned the winds is…not trying to cause trouble. A warning maybe?”

“A warning?” Cullen tilted his head in confusion as Belle looked about with scanning eyes.

“Belle and I will look out for this person as we see to the others. You focus on yourself on finding this person as well. Something is very wrong. It feels like the day Josh died.”

“It does…yes.” Cullen grimaced as he greeted them and walked the gardens with his new nameless friend. The mabari too seemed to have sensed the change in atmosphere as they made their way towards the terrace where Dorian took Bull and Sulahn. He approached the table they were having tea and Dorian nearly fell off his chair when Cullen’s dog burst into his face and licked his face. Bull let out a hearty laugh as the altus sprung out from his seat and scolded the dog.

“Bad doggie! Bad Dhhahaha!” The tevinter giggled as the dog followed him about and licked at his exposed arm and face. “Damn y-you Cullen.”

‘I am not going to stop him. The look on your face is just priceless.” Cullen sniggered as he kissed Sulahn’s forehead and asked Bull for a moment of his time. The former Ben-Hassrath gave him a knowing look as he nodded when Cullen explained the situation to him.

“Yeah, felt it as well. Saw the guy a few times. He was everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” Cullen looked at him with worry but Iron Bull shook his head. 

“This person…I don’t know. They’re spying. That’s obvious but for who? Ben-Hassrath? Bard? Antivan Crow? Possible but they’re not sloppy like this. Not to say this guy is sloppy- he’s an expert. He’s allowing us to see him.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“It is, but he seems to be interested in surveying the Exalted Council.”

“Do you know how he looks? Perhaps I could find him.” Cullen asked as he shot Bull a small smile, the mercenary captain grinned.

“Tall. Lean built. Wears a black coat- Thought I saw a wolf pelt, also a spear. Face was covered by a hood so no way to know for sure if it’s a man or a woman, male is just an assumption from the way he moves.”

“Black fur and a spear? Wouldn’t he stand out like a sore thumb?” Cullen shook his head comically, he looked at Dorian and saw the dog nuzzling the mage and enjoying the attention he got from Sulahn and the mage. Bull nodded with a neutral look as he moved close to whisper in the Commander’s ear.

“He just vanishes once you see him. It’s like he’s taunting us and subtly reminding us that he’s watching. If you intend to catch him, be careful. Could be dangerous. Should I tell Alara about this?”

“No.” Cullen gave Bull a sad look. “She has enough to worry about. Belle and Cole are-“

“Nice to see you as well Curly. I mean sure, talk shop all day if you want to, at least greet me.” Cullen turned to see Varric, no longer beardless giving him a naughty look as Bull chuckled to himself. Granted, his beard was still very short by dwarven standards but it was a beard nonetheless. “You look…like you fell out of- never mind.”

“You have a beard.” Cullen pointed with a confused look. Varric nodded.

“I was hoping you’d never notice it- a shame really. I’m the Viscount of Kirkwall now. We’ll have to chat later, I can see you have your hands full and I have to keep Daisy out of trouble.”

Varric waved to him as he walked by and Cullen resumed his original conversation. He told Bull to look after Sulahn while he and the dog searched the area. Iron Bull agreed to help him but asked him to be careful.

Cullen made his way towards a group of nobles speaking to a chantry priest, as he walked by; he recognized the voice and felt his heart flutter when she turned to look at him as he stopped to look. The dog whimpered when he saw all the nobles.

“Ah. I see a good friend of mine, please an excuse me.” The woman chimed as she made her way towards Cullen and gave him a warm smile. “Cullen First-Thaw, I am glad to see you here.”

“Divine Victoria.” Cullen bowed but Leliana pulled him into a tight hug that made several nobles gasp.

“Not you too, Cullen.” The former-bard sighed as she pulled away and led him to a secluded part of the gardens so they could talk. “So one of the Avvar now? Interesting.”

Leliana looked at him with a naughty look and he noticed that her cropped hair was now long and draping out of her headdress as she smiled devilishly.

“You have a lot of admirers here. Especially amongst the chantry sisters.” The former-spymaster feint a cough as she sat down onto a stone bench and asked him to join her. He obliged and got the feeling he got earlier. He looked forward and saw a brief shadow pass by. Leliana gave him a knowing look as she shook her head. “I saw it as well. I am not worried but I am curious. Harding has been trying to find out more but it seems this spy is near impossible to catch.”

“I’m going to try and find out what’s happening with this trespasser. Can you make sure the nobles play fair with Alara? She’s still traumatized by his…death.” Cullen asked with a concerned look and Leliana’s expression changed to one of sadness as she nodded.

“I will do my best. We were all traumatized by his death. But you were the one who lost the most, no? How are you my friend?”

“Good mostly. I try not to dwell on him. I remember the good times and I feel happy for a moment until I wake up and I see that he’s not at my side.” Cullen snuffled slightly as Leliana watched him sadly. “The Avvar gave me a home, a purpose. I had a lot of suitors in the Frostback Basin. I refused all. He’s still in my heart. He will always be in my heart.”

“Cullen, maybe you should let-“

“No.” Cullen shook his head angrily and Leliana nodded as she gave him a sad beam. “He was my one and only. No one can fill the emptiness left in my soul but him. I will live as a pariah, I will help where I can, but I cannot live normally without him. He was my life and without him, I am nothing.”

“I wish you well then, Cullen.” Leliana hugged at his chest and pointed to the entrance as a bell chimed several timesand the mabari started barking to draw Cullen’s attention. “The Exalted Council will begin now. I will do what I can to keep the peace. Be careful.”

“I always am.”

 

\---

 

Cullen First-Thaw opted not to enter the hall where the Exalted Council took place when it was time. He wished Alara well and reassured her that she would do fine, but inwardly he cursed for keeping the intruder a secret from her.  

He ran into Thom Rainier and the former templar buckled in confusion when he saw the warrior with shaven cheeks and short hair addressing him. It was a pleasant surprise to the former-warden so…open. His beard normally covered most of his face and hid the angular lines of his handsome face. He bored Cullen with questions on the Avvar but the former-commander felt obliged to answer them.

With his mabari’s help, he was able to shake the warrior off his tail by leaving the hound with Blackwall to keep him occupied and he ended up spotting the trespasser a few more times as he walked the gardens. It was fleeting glances that showed him a tall figure who receded into the shadows as fast as he appeared. Cullen gritted his teeth in irritation as the shadow led him deeper into the gardens and near a cluster to storerooms. It was becoming a game of cat and mouse and the warrior was getting tired of being led around by his nose.

When he saw the figure duck into a storeroom, he saw it as his chance to catch the trespasser. He slipped inside the room in time to see the figure grin at him and point to a corpse as he disappeared into the shadows. Cullen cursed when he saw the Qunari soldier on the ground. What frightened him was the fact that the soldier was in full armor. He brought Iron Bull and Harding to the room and the larger man gave him a worried look.

“This is a soldier of the Antaam.” Iron Bull announced and the spymaster looked at him, mortified. “You never see a Qunari soldier in full armor unless they’re at war to conquer.”

“…You mean…”

“Yes. The Qunari are here to conquer the South. Alara needs to know of this.” Bull nodded solemnly as Cullen waved down an elven scout and asked her to inform Alara of the situation but not to inform the Exalted Council. It was not their problem, yet.

Once Alara arrived, she looked dumbstruck as she took in the armor and listened as the spymaster explained the situation. She snarled as she turned to Rylen who stepped into the room and shook his head in disbelief as he saw the corpse. The Inquisitor had a fire in her eyes as she ordered 

“Annex the palace but quietly, Commander. The people are in danger, Spymaster so make sure no one does anything stupid. Cullen, Bull- come with me. We need to find out where these assholes came from.”

“But Inquisitor…”

Alara slid to her knees as her mark flared up and she screamed out in pain. It was the same as how Josh’s mark flared. Cullen helped her up to her feet and gave her a sad, knowing look. The mark was going to kill her one day.

“I said annex the fucking palace! I will do what I must to protect everyone here, even if they hate me for it when they find out.”

Within a few minutes, Alara had the palace under lockdown, the nobles none the wiser as she asked the inner circle to split up and try to find out where the Qunari soldier came from. He was away from his party and as such they had to hurry, surely more would be on their way.

“Lovely work, my dear- locking down a palace with no one’s knowledge. Truly riveting!” Vivienne chimed as she followed Alara, Bull and Cullen as they scanned the area. The Imperial Court Mage still looked the same as she looked a year ago, but she had a more ridiculous hat on, a tiara like headdress that framed her face and neck like a massive crescent moon behind her. A few times, it made her stumble when it struck a wall and Cullen had to hold in a laugh as she tumbled in front of his eyes with a look of horror. At least the foolish woman kept Alara entertained. The Inquisitor needed a reason to laugh now and then, even if it was at Vivienne’s expense.

The Exalted Council was postponed to nightfall and it gave Alara a chance to relax before she got battered by more court intrigue.

Cullen got the uneasy feeling he had earlier and he caught sight of the trespasser moving to a set of stairs leading to an alcove with some blood on the stairs, hard to see from a distance due to the small amount of blood present. First-Thaw let out a small yelp when he saw the functional eluvian in the room and everyone looked at him with curiosity as he touched the mirror and shook his head.

He explained what he could remember that Morrigan told him of The Crossroads and Alara gave him an askew look as he took her hand and walked into the mirror with her. He gasped when he saw that it was indeed The Crossroads, but the land was sundered and the mist was gone. It was still dull however to his eyes, but every now and then, he’d see a slight flicker of color in the distance, as if his eyes were adjusting to the place.

“This…is beautiful.” Alara managed as she took in the landscape and smiled to herself. “There’s so much color here! It’s almost blinding really.”

“No offense boss, but I only see grey and stone. Pretty dull if you ask me.”

“How very austere. Needs a few patches of turf and flower beds.” Vivienne chuckled as she shook her head.

“Elves see this place differently.” Cullen stated as he pointed out a path they could follow towards another eluvian as the one in front of them was inactive. His companions gave him bamboozled looks as they walked careful not to touch the blood trail leading to the next eluvian. “It is a realm that connects all the eluvians and I think it was made only for elvhen eyes.”

“How lovely my dear barbarian.”

Cullen blew a raspberry at Vivienne’s comment, but stopped when he saw a movement in the corner of his eye. 

Vivienne pointed to a weird sight: An altar surrounded by frozen bodies of the Qunari reaching for an object on said altar. It scared the shit out of everyone until Cullen happened to see the shadow near the altar which held a scroll. As Cullen approached and maneuvered pass the ice statues, the shadow dissipated and he saw the gold lined scroll up close. He saw the shadow grin at him briefly as it chuckled enigmatically and disappeared as Cullen reached for it.

“Be careful, Cullen. We have no guarantee that you won’t end up an ice statue as well.” Alara warned as they neared the altar with a look of amazement as the former templar reached out and grabbed it. It felt cool to the touch, but ice never enveloped him. Everyone let out a sigh of relief as he held it in his hand briefly.

His curiosity got the better of him and the read it out to himself. When he was done, he wished he had never picked it up.

 

\---

 

Here we are

Riding the sky

Painting the night with sun

You and I, mirrors of light

Twin flames of fire

Lit in another time and space

 

I knew you name

I knew your face

Your love and grace

Past and present now embrace

Worlds collide in inner space

Unstoppable, the song we play 

 

Burn the page for me

I cannot erase the time of sleep

I cannot be loved so set me free

I cannot deliver your love

Or caress your soul so

Turn that page for me

I cannot embrace the touch that you give

I cannot find solace in your words

I cannot deliver you your love

Or caress your soul

 

Age to age

I feel the call

Memory of future dreams

You and I, riding the sky

Keeping the fire bright

From another time and place

 

I know your name

I know your face

Your touch and grace

All of time cannot erase

What our hearts remember stays

Forever on a song we play

 

 

Burn the page for me

I cannot erase the time of sleep

I cannot be loved so set me free

I cannot deliver your love

Or caress your soul so

Turn that page for me

I cannot embrace the touch that you give

I cannot find solace in your words

I cannot deliver you your love

Or caress your soul

 

\---

 

Cullen recognized the words the moment he read it. It was the song Josh sang to him as they danced in Halamshiral. He remembered that Josh claimed that the song was sad at certain points and reading it to himself made him realize that Josh was right, the song was utterly romantic, but it echoed of hope and despair- a single coin but opposite sides. He realized that Josh already knew by then what was going to befall him. The song was his way of saying it out loud without Cullen noticing. It was a scream for help, a scream Cullen missed completely. He didn’t even know it was a scream. 

“What is that?” Alara inquired as he handed the scroll to her and she blushed after reading it and placed it in his hands with a sorry look of recognition as she turned to the others and shook her head. “Not important. Let’s go t-that way- yes…that way.”

Cullen pocketed the scroll as they entered the eluvian. They ended up in an elven mountain ruin with made Alara perk up and grin as she took in the scenery. The Inquisitor held onto Cullen’s arm as he took point, he saw a group of dead Qunari and another eluvian which they entered, all of them not used to the sensation of being spirited around by the mirrors, the former templar however was slightly more accustomed to it due to his jaunt with Josh and Morrigan.

The group saw a broken bridge with Qunari on the other side. Since there was no way across, the former-commander led the group into a nearby eluvian and they ended up staring face to face with a spirit in the shape of an elf holding a war hammer. Behind it, they saw a pair of spirit archers and spirits wielding dual blades, looking at them with a neutral look as the group stared at the sight of the spirits guarding a tower.

‘Atish’all vallem.” The leader spoke, it was elvhen that neither Cullen nor Alara understood. Cullen moved for his blade when he saw the leader snarl when Alara tried to reason in elvhen, the leader clearly unmoved lifted his hammer to strike but Cullen felt his blood freeze for a moment. A hand reached for his sword and lowered it as Alara moved backward towards Bull and Vivienne in fear when the spirit hefted his weapon over his shoulder.

The spirits immediately tensed up when they saw the trespasser covered in black wolf’s fur and a hood covering his face as Cullen saw a masculine, angled jaw beneath it with a sinister grin.

“Ar-melana dirthavaren. Revas vir-anaris.” The spear wielding shadow smirked as he bowed to Cullen and his group and released his blade. The spirits nodded to them and resumed their vigil as the shadow walked towards the tower and pointed to it. The ex-templar realized that the spear was the one Josh had.

“Where did you find that spear?” Cullen rushed down the trespasser but he was too quick, he dispersed into nothingness and reappeared beside Alara and examined her bow. Bull tried to grab him as Alara pulled away but he again disappeared and laughed behind Cullen. First-Thaw snarled as he pointed to the spear as his companions approached. “That is not yours thief!”

“Thief?” The man giggled as he broke the spear into its dual wield stance and reformed it into its spear form and leaned on it playfully as he beamed at Cullen enigmatically. The former templar cringed as he heard two voices slammed atop each other, a human voice and a spirit voice, mixed in a way that it was impossible to discern the owner. It was a terrifying, booming voice. “It was not stolen: Fen’Harel enaste...but if you say so, Avvar. I am a thief then.”

“Wait!” Cullen screamed as the shadow disappeared and the group resigned itself to enter the tower. His companions mused over the fact that the trespasser had Josh’s spear but Cullen shut them up. He didn’t want to speculate about it. Josh was dead and the trespasser was a thief who stole from his dear departed. He needed to get the spear back. It was a matter of honor. For Josh.

Alara learned in the tower, with the trespasser’s help, to unleash a discharge of power with her mark to allow herself and her friends to walk in the Fade briefly. It helped to navigate the area, but Cullen found himself in awe of a mural of Fen’Harel, a massive wolf covered in black fur. Very similar to the one that protected Josh, only that one was white and this one, black.

The group ended up uncovering a plot by the Qunari to infiltrate Halamshiral, it didn’t surprise them, but what really unnerved Cullen was mention of a “Herald of Fen’Harel”, a champion amongst elves who served the Dread Wolf faithfully and struck his foes without mercy. It dawned on Cullen that the trespasser they met was indeed the Herald of Fen’Harel and that he hindered the Qunari’s efforts to get inside the palaceand by extension, helped the Inquisition. They returned to the palace and Alara revealed what they found out to the advisors.

When Alara opted to investigate further, Cullen decided to stay with Rosalie and Sulahn while Dorian, Sera and Cassandra went with the elf. He relished in the feeling of having his daughter beside him as he walked the gardens with his sister, Sulahn and the mabari. It took a liking to the archivist, who playfully named him Charger.

The archer returned with news: the Qunari was under the command of Viddasala, leader of the Ben-Hassrath. She also explained that the trespasser called the Qunari’s plan: Dragon’s Breath and that it was graver than any thing they had faced before- perhaps even the Elder One. Cullen cringed as he readied himself to go with Alara again, this time with Thom Rainier and Varric. He kissed Sulahn and left Charger in his brother-in-law’s care as he left with Alara.

They entered a newly opened eluvian and ended up inside a library, scattered about islands of sundered land and there they met the Archivist, a spirit who tended to the library but became displaced when a world shattering occurrance happened that she could not remember sundered The Crossroads from the waking world. She explained that the Qunari came to study the Veil but she knew not why. She broke into a fit of screams as she recalled the day everything changed.

“The floor is gone! Where is- Do not look down! Don’t look don’t look don’t look don’t look…” The spirit cried as it looked down and shook its head. “Gone. All gone.”

“It is okay.” The trespasser slipped out off the shadows and startled everyone. Cullen drew his blade and the trickster merely shook his head in disapproval. “Calm yourself. There is ground here. You will not fall. You are alive and helping. Take solace in that.”

“I…” The spirit smiled as it turned to him and hugged at his chest. “Wisdom from Purpose. Yes. I understand. Thank you.”

“Who are you?” Cullen asked as he sheath his blade and looked at the trespasser fearlessly but the man merely grinned as he led them towards another mirror deeper in the library.

“I am…a friend for now.”

“For now?” Alara questioned and the trickster nodded to her as they followed him into the mirror and into a well preserved library.

“For now.”

 He pointed Varric to a book which made the dwarf buckle in confusion as the dwarf held the book in amazement as he read it.

“I didn’t write this!” Varric tittered nervously as he handed an unnumbered chapter of Hard in Hightown.

“You didn’t. The spirits did.”

The trickster led the group to an island not after helping them overcome several Qunari agents with his spear and his rift magic but soon disappeared without warning. Cullen scoffed when he saw the Viddasala. She smiled as she explained that the Qunari planned to assassinate the leaders of the South and that they would convert the remaining people to the Qun. 

“Just like your brother, you will die- You time has passed Inquisitor.”

Alara was about to retailiate when the shadow reappeared and beamed at the Viddasala.

“Maraas imekari! Did you miss me, vashedan asala?”

“YOU!” Viddasala cried as she venomously pointed to the trickster who chuckled as she set her soldiers upon him as she departed.

 Cullen readied himself for a fight but the trickster was quick, he clicked his fingers and flash froze every Qunari. He then giggled as he clicked his fingers again and this time, he slipped to each of them in an instant and shattered them to pieces with a pinpoint stab from his spear

“Yikes.” Varric gritted his teeth as he sheathed Bianca and the group gave the Herald of Fen’Harel a shocked look. “You’re worst than Tallis. At least leave us something to kill.”

“I am no Tallis. I go where I am needed- and I am not commanded. You need to go and talk to your advisors, Inquisitor. I will…shadow you. Of course, you know this.” The man vanished with an ominous laugh as Cullen shook his head in anger. He was growing tired of the mage. He wanted to tear him apart for stealing Josh’s weapon. He wanted the trickster to pay, but only after they resolved the matter at hand: getting into the Darvaraad to find the Viddasala.

It was already nightfall and Alara got the Exalted Council postponed again after explaining the situation to her advisors; Josephine used her acumen to hide the truth from the nobility while getting the Inquisition a few more hours to act. 

Cullen sat alone in the garden. He meditated over the happening of the day until he felt the presence of the trespasser. He opened his eyes and he saw the Herald of Fen’Harel smirking as he sat in front of Cullen, motionless but watching his every movement.

“The Dread Wolf sends his regards, Lion of Skyhold.” The mage smiled as Cullen looked at him in confusion. “I have watched you for a time and I am honored by your…ire. You wish to kill me don’t you? For taking his weapon?”

The former-templar sprung to his feet to scare but the mage was quicker. He gritted his teeth and growled, for a moment Cullen thought he was in the presence of a ravenous wolf.

“You will get your chance, foolish lion.” The shadow disappeared and a disembodied voice whispered into his ear and he felt a cold breath on his neck. “But know this, lion: We wolves do what we must, for this world is false, we seek to…fix it.”

“False how?”

“You will learn in time, my friend.” The trickster giggled as Cullen tried to grab him but he ended up striking nothing and the mage pushed him to the wall. The trickster let go of him and Cullen looked at him in confusion as the mage smiled. “Cullen Stanton Rutherford, I am your friend- So a word of advice? When you see your chance: Take it, but remember- if you miss…I won’t.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in love with Avvar!Cullen <3


	16. The Lion and the Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen got to know the Herald of Fen'Harel. It was...vexing to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to The Humming... (Dark Sky Island) by Enya

Cullen snarled when Alara told him that someone in the Inquisition was responsible for transporting barrels of gaatlok into the palace and that such barrels were also present in other places of power like Denerim’s palace. He was about to comfort her when the Herald of Fen’Harel appeared and told them that they needed hurry if they wanted to catch Viddasala. 

To this end, Alara took Cullen, Bull and Sera with her through the eluvian. Between herself and Cullen, they had elemental magicks and battle magicks to help out. Sera was very skilled with her bow and alchemy, so she could rain down arrows before foes could touch her and Alara could compliment her arrows with her own magick archery. Bull and Cullen were hard to kill and could hold the line as the women sniped from afar and lastly, the trickster, a man with no name- who often moved unseen and struck with fear-provoking accuracy.

“You’re mine!” Alara shouted as she intoned ‘ajuem’ise sa’assan’, a flame arrow that penetrated barrier spells. The qunari mage’s eyes widened as the arrow struck her squarely in her face, killing her instantly. 

Sera fired a barrage of arrows at a group of warriors approaching, she managed to hobble a few of them but they still approached her, Bull and Cullen were busy fighting a few warriors themselves. When they grew close to her however Sera jumped in fear when she saw the shadow appear and deflect a blade aimed at her neck. He gritted his teeth with a loud roar as he intoned ice and lifted his hand up and aimed it at the group of Qunari.

“Go away!” He screamed as he dashed forward and a deafening crash sounded as everyone turned to look, even the enemy. Cullen gasped when he saw the figure dart through the warriors and shattered them in a haze of movement as he left shards of flesh, bone and ice in his wake. Cullen used the moment to drive his blade deep into a distracted Qunari warrior’s chest. From there, they made short work of the group harassing them.

“How did you do that?” Cullen mouthed as the Herald of Fen’Harel cocked his head curiously as he sat down to regain his breath. He pulled Josh’s spear close to him with a small smile as he flailed his hand to get rid of the remaining shards of ice on it.

“Fen’Harel taught me.” The stranger grinned as he extended his hand and Cullen gave him a worried look. The trickster pointed to his hand and Cullen begrudgly gave it to him as he sat as well. Cold gauntlets traced his fingers over the warrior’s leather glove. “I can teach you, but…”

“Too time consuming?” Alara chiming in as she sat beside Cullen who looked up and saw Sera give him a worried look. Bull had a neutral look as he kept his eye on the stranger’s fingers.

“Not really.” The mage shook his head and Cullen managed to see a large scar running down the mage’s cheek, he also noticed a black scarf wrapped around his neck. The Herald caught him looking and giggled. “I will teach you, for a price.”

“A price?”

“Tell me of the Inquisitor.”

“Me?” Alara blushed as she pointed to herself. He shook his head and gave Cullen a nod.

“Joshua Trevelyan. I will help you learn the truth of matters, if and only if you tell me about him. I saw that the two of you were intimate friends but I…” The mage smiled but Cullen got angry when he heard the man speak in his irritating voice of his one and only. He reached for the mage and he felt his blood freeze as a hand touched his neck from behind him. He turned to look as Sera shouted in horror when the mage appeared behind him with the spear held to his back and pushed him down onto his chest with his boot to his neck. “Do you wish to die, lion? I can grant you death, if you wish it.”

Cullen growled as he felt the boot move from his neck and he saw Alara give him a worried look as she shook beside an angry Bull and a scowling Sera.

“Be angry. Be brave. Be whatever you need to be. Emotion can take you far, lion.”

“Advice from a mad man? Shite- This is all kinds of wrong innit?”

“Really da’len- You should be the last one to speak. You see the colors as the Inquisitor and I do, and yet you disbelief in The People. Doubt then…Ignore the signs! Fen’Harel has no use for elves like you, Sera.”

“Nope- not listening to your shite-brain nonsense.” Sera hissed as she covered her ears and walked away.

The shadow disappeared briefly as the group traversed deeper in to the Darvaraad, he explained while disembodied that the huge man with Viddasala, the one with the leash, was called Saarath, a saarabas of unusual skill. He warned Alara and Sera not to use their arrows on him if they encountered him, in fact he outright told the group to abandon ranged attacked when facing him with his barrier up. Cullen realized that the trickster was speaking from firsthand experience.

They made their way into the gaatlok factory and discovered Viddasala and a dragon called Ataashi that was used for the production of gaatlok. She stood with Saarath at her side as she stared down Alara, but cursed out when she saw the Herald appear beside Cullen with a wicked smile on his lips.

“Hissrad! Attack now!” The woman pointed to the Iron Bull, who drew his greataxe and turned to Alara who gave him a nervous look as the large man grinned when he saw Cullen tighten his grip on his blade. 

“I don’t take orders from you, bitch.”

Viddasala ran as Saarath unleashed a blast of fire. The stranger lifted his hand and deflected it with a barrier. Cullen rushed down with Bull as the ladies used the high ground to take care of the soldiers approaching.

As they fought, the former-commander’s eyes and ears kept springing towards the dragon, his Avvar shaman training gave him the ability to sense intent in animals and this dragon was held captive. When they killed the initial wave of foes, they saw Saarath being lead by Viddasala past the dragon. Bull drew his blade, and Sera notched an arrow as they approached it but Cullen intercepted them and invoked fire on his skin to make them back off.

“The dragon is here against her will. We have to free her.”

“Are you insane?!” Alara cried as she caught onto his arm and shouted when her fingers got singed. “That thing will kill us!”

“It will not, trust me.” 

“I have plan.” The shadow manifested beside her and grinned. Cullen shook his head in derision as the mage smiled at him and pointed to a circle of flames surrounding the dragon. He then pointed to a ledge with a wheel-lever then towards the large gate blocking the way. “The flames keep it corralled, Avvar. If the Inquisitor breaks the chains with her Anchor, I can reposition the flames up there, you calm the beast down as your horned friend keeps the area clear of soldiers trying to rile up the beast.”

“I don’t trust you-“

“Don’t trust me then, just do it if you want that dragon to live, Avvar. DO IT.”

“What about me, Lord Elfypants? I ain’t gonna sit and do nothin’.” Sera snarled as she drew her bow and killed an approaching soldier as more poured out of the woodwork as Bull charged them down and got their attention. The spear-wielder gave Sera a naughty look as he pointed to either side of the gate as Alara started to break the chains holding the dragon in place with her Anchor.

“You open the gate, if Cullen keeps the dragon under control, we might be able to turn Viddasala’s weapon on her.”

“Shite- I like your thinking! Piss!” The elf cringed as she shot a few soldiers as Cullen approached the dragon. He intoned fire and touched at its scales to announce his presence. She lifted her head to look at him and gave him an enraged look as it roared out. 

“Damn you!” Cullen shouted as he blocked a talon to his face, he snarled loudly and intoned more fire. “I am not trying to hurt you! You’re hurt! I can help you!”

The dragon refused to reason with him so he decided to take matters into his own hands, literally. He heard the gate start to open as he leapt up and climbed his way to the dragon’s neck, it tried to shake him off. He swathe himself in a barrier of flame as he held onto the dragon with all his strength. There was a brief moment where the dragon stopped to look forward with uneasiness as he untoned a healing spell as he saw Sera move out of the way and rejoin with Bull and Alara, who were going out of their minds as the flames aligned with the now open gate. Ahead, they saw a huge contingent of soldiers coming their way.

“Boss, that is badass!”

“Cullen-Wullen’s a dragon rider now! Awesome innit?!”

“Oh my…” Alara gulped when she saw Ataashi lunge forward.

The dragon let out a roar that Cullen understood, it was one of thankfulness. He patted its neck and leapt off the dragon as it clashed with the soldiers and dragged them off the bridge with a thunderous roar. It flew off as the group ran onto the bridge and caught up with Viddasala at the next eluvian.

Alara’s mark flared up as Viddasala taunted them from behind a wall of soldiers and Saarath, Cullen held onto her as Alara cried into his chest from the pain. Viddasala smirked as she pointed.

“It won’t be long now, Inquisitor. Your dear friend Solas has impeded our plans, but no matter- the agent of Fen’Harel is within reach. I will kill him and then, I will kill the Herald and then- I will kill you.“

“Boo!” A booming voice shouted as ice enveloped the soldiers and they crumbled as the shadow appeared next to Alara. For the first time since the whole ordeal, Cullen saw fear in the woman’s eyes as she pulled at Saarath and ran. “Oh what were you saying imekari? I was not listening.”

“This not over! I will kill Solas.” Viddasala cried as she fled into the mirror with her leashed mage behind her.

“Solas…” Alara mouthed with blush creeping up her pale neck.

“He is waiting for you, Inquisitor, but we must catch up with that foolish woman.”

 

\---

 

“Venavis!” The shadow cried as Cullen darted towards him in anger and fear.

It was a horrid moment. He remembered Alara screaming out and that irritating mage pulling her away from the group as they both sank to their knees. Cullen rushed him and managed to strike gut with fierce punches to get him to release the Inquisitor but the mage mind blasted him away. 

He dispelled whatever ice-wall magic the mage conjured up to separate him and his companions from the Inquisitor. He moved forward and felt a calming aura move over him as the mage screamed out in pain as well. It was the first time he saw the trickster in pain, even after being punched several times, the mage did not flinch.

It was then that he saw a burst of green light from their hands, entwined together and he saw the overgrown mark flaring up on the stranger’s left hand. He covered his eyes as fire erupted. He heard Bull and Sera shout in horror his name but the Avvar never felt pain. He stopped in his tracks when the screaming subsided. He looked about and saw that Alara was barely conscious; she crawled away in pain and wheezed. Bull and Sera were no better, face down in the dirt- the stranger however was not responding.

Cullen saw it as his chance. He drew his sword and gripped at the stranger’s overcoat, he drew back the hood and placed his blade at his throat, but he let out a shocked cry when he saw the stranger’s face. 

He instantly recognised the clean shaven, sharp jaw. It was a jaw he traced with his fingers each day in Skyhold. It was a face he loved and cherished with all his heart.

“Josh…?” Cullen buckled away as the mage bolted to his feet and pulled on his hood in a drunken motion. “Wait! I’m sorry! I didn’t-“

“Tel’abelas, ma vherain.”

He disappeared into the shadows with a chuckle as Cullen’s allies came to. First-Thaw didn’t bother to check on them, he rushed ahead in a stupor induced by seeing Josh alive and well.

“Cullen! Wait!”

Cullen ignored them as he thought of the way the shadow guided them. It was Josh. Josh was helping them, helping the Inquisition, helping…him. He remembered how Josh pulled Alara away and screamed out, it was the same as when he discharged the Anchor at the Shrine of Dumat. He also recalled the fact that he was unharmed by the magic of the Anchor and it dawned on him that Josh used a last ditch barrier on the group. He protected the group from being annihilated by the Anchors.

The former-commander roared as he rushed through groups of Qunari, searing them as his body crashed into them like a wave of fire. He darted from eluvian to eluvian, soldier to soldier in a berserk trance as his eyes searched for Josh but he saw no one. He heard Alara and the others approach as he neared Viddasala. She ran as she commanded her saarebas, Saarath and his leash holders to stop them. 

 Cullen darted forward in a haze of fire and sweat, he dodged the fireball aimed at his chest with ease and was surprised when he saw Josh appear beside him and cast a disruption field to stop more fireballs from reaching the others. Cullen looked back quickly and saw Alara, Bull and Sera focus on the soldiers, leaving the mage to the former-templar and the former-inquisitor.

“Drain him!” Josh cursed as he intoned water and splashed it out in a wide circle as the soldiers tried to hold him down. He disappeared as the water cut into the fools like a knife through flesh. Cullen nodded as he blocked the water-blades and drove his sword deep into the mage’s shoulder and drained half of his mana.

Saarath cried out in pain as he summoned up a massive tempest. Josh shook his head and clicked his hand as he pointed up, the lightning struck but it was dampened by a globe of ice that didn’t allow the charge to touch those inside. He cracked the ice once the tempest dispersed.

“Ala’syl’ise’man’uan Felassan!” Alara shouted as she fired her slow arrow, she then notched a barrier arrow and sent it to Bull as the warrior got swarmed by soldiers. When the last of them were killed, the mage fled with Josh hot on his heels as the saarebas broke his leash. 

“I saw him in Redcliffe. He helped me get back to our proper time with Dorian, but he did not follow. He said he needed to see it to its dark end but he didn’t show me his face…it was Josh.” Alara panted as she stood beside a tired Cullen who stood in disbelief.

“So…boss is alive? Undead maybe? Or a spirit like Cole?”

“I dunno, that’s just…ugh Josh-Posh is alive! I don’t care!” Sera downed a healing potion as she pointed to a group of eluvians frantically. “We need to help him, dunno what you fools waiting for.”

“Josh is not the same anymore.” Alara mouthed sadly as she turned to Cullen. He nodded sadly as he led them down to the eluvian’s. Before they could enter, Josh stopped them. He pulled Cullen towards a wall and pinned him with his Anchor in place as Cullen snarled at him.

“Garas quenathra?” The Herald of Fen’Harel hissed as he intoned ice, but Cullen had none of it. He pushed Josh away and used fire to keep him at bay.

“Ma melava halani, emma vhenan. Ma serranas.” Cullen answered with a shaky voice but Josh merely shook his head as he led them to a nearby eluvian. Cullen gave him a sad look as Josh pointed to the other mirrors. 

“The others lead back to the courtyard. This one will lead us forward.”

“Josh…let me see your face. Please.”

“No.” The mage spat as he looked at ground with a sad look. “This is not the time or the place. Later. Perhaps never.”

He entered the eluvian and Cullen followed suit without a moments thought. They saw Viddasala flee into an eluvian which Josh pointed out to be the final mirror to get to Solas. As Cullen followed, Saarath landed from above and roared as he let out a blast of energy. Josh however was prepared; he fade stepped and flicked his Marked hand with a scream, releasing a massive surge of magic power, sundering the barrier the saarebas erected as he landed.

“Now!” The mage shouted as he split his spear and broke into a dance of blades about the Qunari mage. Bull rushed in with his axe, Sera sent a flurry of arrows as Alara called in her slow arrow. It exploded into nine arrows, each enveloped with the elements as it struck the mage’s back. Cullen threw on a fire barrier as he lunged with his blade ready to impale the Qunari mage.

Suddenly, Cullen felt his barrier shatter as the mage unleashed a gigantic salvo of fire and stone. He flew backward and heard Alara scream as she was thrown towards the eluvian. As she crawled to her knees, she shot Josh a look and he nodded to her as she threw him her bow and quiver as she bee-lined for the mirror. 

The mage rushed towards her in heightened motion, but he was too slow and Cullen shouted when he saw Josh dive in the way and get battered into the now dormant mirror as he flicked his wrist to close it. Cullen intoned fire and enchanted his sword and shield as he nodded to Sera, who notched an arrow as Saarath picked up Josh and began to slam him repeatedly into the shattered mirror.

“Eat it shite-bucket!” Sera cursed as she fired the arrow into the mage’s neck. Saarath let go of Josh and the mage tumbled behind Cullen who roared in anger as he slashed wildly.

Cullen heard an arrow draw as he rolled towards Josh; the mage channeled his mark into the arrow and fired as it shined a brilliant green. The arrow struck unerringly as it ripped the saarebas apart with a fragmented rift. The bow and quiver turned to dust as Josh dropped it to the ground in pain.

The mage, covered in gleaming green cracks got to his feet and smiled slightly when he felt Cullen hug him, but the Avvar felt his heart drop when Josh slipped from his grasp and sank to the grass. The cracks of bright green left by the mark disappeared as Cullen pulled back his hood and took in his scarred face, his handsome face- but Josh was crying, his eyes shut tightly, still lined with some rift magic as the tears formed and it worried Cullen. He heard Bull and Sera move away from them to give them a moment alone.

“I am so…glad to see you, ma fen.”

“I am glad as well, but I cannot see you Cullen. I see as the spirits do, not as a mortal.” Josh smiled as he opened his eyes and it was a milky white as the green disappeared.

“Oh Josh.” Cullen simpered as he brought his lips to Josh’s and he felt the mage grin slightly as Cullen tried to kiss him, but the former-inquisitor did not oblige. He pushed Cullen’s face away and smiled sadly.

“We have a moment. No doubt you have questions. I will answer.”

“Where did Alara go?”

“To Solas” Josh smirked and Cullen gave him a dirty look to which Josh chuckled. “Fine. Our dear friend Solas is the elvhen god of Rebellion, Fen’Harel. He seeks to restore the world that was by removing the Veil.”

Josh went about explaining what Solas did to the Evanuris and that it was the only way to keep them out to save his people. But Solas was in for a rude awakening when he saw that happened to his people and their magicks. The only way to restore what was would be to unmake the Veil. Josh explained the purpose if the Orb of Fen’Harel and that Solas was the one responsible for the Elder One finding it. 

“Can he do that? Won’t it kill everyone if he does that?” Cullen asked as he pulled Josh to a wall and settled the mage’s head on his shoulder. They saw Sera wave to them and Bull gave them a thumbs up.

“Cullen, it will kill everyone. But Solas is not a monster. He wants everyone to die in comfort.

“In comfort?”

”Not under the Qun. Alara did a fine job with the Inquisition. I’m proud of her.”

“Will she return?”

“No.”

“Can you at least tell me where he is taking her?”

“On their final journey.”

“Final journey?” Cullen gave Josh a worried look but the mage kissed his cheek and smiled at him.

“It is all I will say of the din’anshiral.”

Cullen pulled Josh into a teary kiss as he held onto the mage for dear life. Josh chuckled into his mouth as Cullen explored his mouth with his tongue and relished in the feeling of the mage’s tongue lapping against his own. He broke the kiss and mused over the fact that Josh still tasted of honey.

“I saw you die.”

“You saw what you needed to see, Cullen. As I have said, emotion can drive us to do great things. I watched and I helped where I could without your knowledge. The rest was you.”

Josh gave him a lopsided grin as Cullen kissed his seared neck.

“I like this Cullen. He’s so brazen, so wild.”

“Seeing you die changed me. For the better, I hope.”

“For the better indeed.” The youth giggled as he clasped his hand in Cullen’s. He stroked his free hand over Cullen’s war paint and laughed when Cullen flushed at his touch. “You are so handsome right now.”

“As are you. What do I look like to you now?”

“A lion, framed by red and golden flame, with eyes as amber as honey and a face more handsome beyond imagining.” Josh kissed his cheek and Cullen flushed a deeper shade of red. “The Exalted Council needs to be addressed.”

“Are you up for it?” Cullen pointed to his Anchor and Josh nodded. Cullen cringed when he saw that it reached over half of his body and made a scar over his neck. He asked Josh about his voice and the mage sadly explained that the mark had ripped his vocal cords, making his voice sound out in Thedas and the Fade and thus, people hear it twice in a booming, broken tone.

“Solas is going to remove her hand to save her.”

“Why didn’t he remove your Anchor?”

“Believe me, he asked to do so, I asked him not to.” Josh flexed his fingers as the green flames danced over his body and Cullen placed a warm hand down his undershirt. Josh leaned into the heat. “It’s like this: if he removed it, we had no guarantee that the growth I accumulated would not go to Alara’s mark. It was…better this way.”

“Always thinking about the others, never yourself.”

“You love my selflessness.”

“I do.’ Cullen kissed his Anchor and pointed to Bull and the others. “Everyone missed you. Sulahn…she cried for you.”

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. You are alive and that is enough, Josh.”

Josh looked to be in deep thought as he turned briefly away from Cullen as the former-commander stopped roaming his chest with his fingers. The mage pointed to the broken eluvian and smiled eagerly.

“He wants to say goodbye.”

“Solas?” Josh nodded as Cullen helped him up and held him close as Bull and Sera approached with happy looks as Josh beamed at them. He flicked his wrist and Cullen stood in awe as the mirror shards reformed into the eluvian and it reopened.

“After we leave to meet him, walk into the eluvian. It will take you back to the Winter Palace. Tell them that the Inquisitor will be returning soon to address the Exalted Council. Keep my survival under wraps.”

“But Alara isn’t…”

“I didn’t say Alara, now did I?” Josh smirked at Cullen as Sera suddenly hugged him and Bull chuckled.

“You better return.” Sera sneered as she pulled away and grinned at the mage as he joined hands with Cullen and moved closer to the eluvian.

“Are you ready to meet an Elvhen God?”

“He isn’t to me. He is a friend- A misguided friend, but a friend nonetheless.”

Cullen yelped when he saw the statues for several Qunari with their weapons aimed towards a long gone threat. Josh motioned towards a massive eluvian in the distance. He saw several more statues and caught sight of Viddasala, entombed in stone with her spear ready to throw. Josh tightened his grip on Cullen’s hand as they approached Alara, who sat on the ground with Solas, his arms around her, swaddling her as she cried in pain. He saw her right hand lying on the ground, petrified and markless.

“Aneth ara, ma falon.” Solas smiled as he pulled away from Alara as Josh moved to her side and kissed her stump. She smiled with tears sliding down her cheeks as Cullen bowed to Solas slightly but the elf smiled at him sadly. “Now that you know, what do you think of all this?”

“I think that I understand…somehow- but it is still wrong.” Cullen smiled at him but gritted his teeth as he continued, he pointed to Alara and Josh. “But we will stop you. We will show you that it doesn’t need to end this way. There is beauty in this world. We will prove you wrong.”

“I look forward to being proven wrong then.” Solas smiled humbly as he turned to Josh and nodded to him. The mage gave the Dread Wolf a sad look as he lifted Alara to her feet and the group moved over to the massive eluvian. “Lion of Thedas. It has been an honor. You are a man worthy of respect.”

“You as well, Solas.”

“Not Fen’Harel, the Dread Wolf?”

“I don’t know Fen’Harel. I know Solas.” Cullen gave him a warm smile. The elf returned it with a hint of surprise on his face as he turned to Josh and took his marked hand. Josh beamed at him with happiness as Solas gave him a sad look.

“Ar lasa mala revas.”

The moment Cullen heard it; he saw an overwhelming sense of longing in Josh’s eyes. There was unspoken love that Josh had for Solas. It wasn’t romantic. It was brotherly. Solas was Josh’s Maxwell: an older, caring brother who looked out for him. Josh whimpered as Alara enveloped her brother and kissed his cheek.

“Thank you for this gift, brother.”

“Gift?” Cullen mouthed with a confused expression but Solas merely grinned he turned as he offered his hand to the elf. She took it willingly as she waved to Cullen who waved back to her as the elves disappeared into the eluvian. Josh moved over to it and clicked his fingers, the glass shattered as Josh pulled Cullen back to the eluvian they came from. “What gift?”

“Din’anshiral is the final journey. It will probably claim her life. I asked Solas to take her anyway.” Josh scowled when he saw the horrified look on Cullen’s face. “Don’t look at me like that. Solas didn’t want her to see what he would become. I told him that my sister would rather die at his side than die with the Inquisition, alone and unloved. She agreed with me, it seems. I saw no shilly-shallying on her part.”

Cullen drew Josh into a hug, to which the mage smiled into the crook of his neck.

“You will be returned to the palace alone. I will shadow you and make my way to the main hall after the nobles take their places. Then we finish this.” 

\---

 

Cullen sat with a somnolent feeling as he watched Josephine turn back to for the tenth time awaiting the Inquisitor. Arl Teagan gave her an irritated look as he shook his head. Cyril de Montfort was none the better for all his praises of the Inquisition- his mask may have hidden his scowl but Cullen could see he too was irritated.

The former-commander giggled inwardly when he saw how worried Josephine looked, almost like a lost halla encountering a wild beast for the first time. He nodded to her when she shook her head in disdain. Her initial worry subsided by a mere shake of his head. He saw the Divine chuckle slightly as Cassandra shook her head, standing a few meters away. However, every eye, including Cullen’s moved with horror towards the entrance as the door was kicked open and the hooded mage entered the fray with a tome under his arm. 

“How dare you-“

A pair of guards tried to apprehend Josh. Cullen gasped when he saw a brief spark of grayish-blue color from under the hood as the hands and legs of the pair petrified in an instant and he realized that Josh learned to use Solas’ magic. People began to get up and scream but Josh grinned.

“I suggest you all sit down and listen.” He began as the inner circle drew their weapons. Bull and Sera did so awkwardly as well but Cullen remained frozen on the opposite end of where Cassandra stood. “Unless you all want to end up statues- I can arrange that.”

“What is the-“ Arl Teagan began as he stood up but Josh chuckled as the man’s feet turned to stone and he screamed out in horror. Josephine pointed to him and turned to the mage with a terrified look on her face.

‘What are you doing!?’ Cullen cursed inside as he moved to intervene but the mage wagged his finger at the former-commander.

“Please my lord, have mercy.” Josephine cried as she stood up and approached him. An arrow zipped by Cullen and he screamed. Josh moved at an alarming speed as he caught the venom-tipped arrow with ease and threw it to the floor and smiled at Charter as the elf gave him look of shock from the shadows behind Cullen.

“Of course, Lady Josephine.” The former-inquisitor grinned as he took her hand and kissed it. She cringed as the mage pulled away and removed his hood and a round of gasps filled the room, his eyes brimming with veilfire to hide his clouded eyes. “I am no monster, after all.”

The hall was silent as Josh walked over the table and past Josephine; he grinned at Leliana who had a horrified look as he turned to Cullen and nodded. The former-commander eased up when Josh turned to Arl Teagan and dispelled his petrification to allow him to sit.

“My sister has been relieved of her duties. I am here in her stead.” The mage gave Arl Teagan a mocking look as the older man snarled to himself. “This council is a waste of time, but by all means- carry on. I know your intentions.”

“Mistress Lavellan was supposed to have returned with her decision. But we would be delighted to hear it from you.” The Orlesian representative chimed as he attempted to curry Josh’s favor, but Cullen chuckled when the mage sneered and shook his head comically.

“To be blunt my lord, I do not care if it would delight you to have a dick shoved up your ass. I am not here to ‘delight’ you.”

“So you intend to insult us then, Your Worship?” Arl Teagan cussed as he stood up again and this time, Josh petrified his hips as well so the man was stuck standing up.

“My intentions are my own.” Josh spoke dryly. “You have a smart mouth, Teagan. But let us not forget the truth of matters. The Inquisition is the ONLY reason you are all alive here today.”

“True, but-“

“There is no but, Teagan. You want chaos to reign in this world? By all means, cast aside the one force keeping everyone from killing each other, leash it by all means. Control it as you’d like. The world will crumble around you.” Cullen smiled as he heard Josh speak. It was the truth, without the Inquisition, the world would destroy itself and leashing it to the Chantry would make it worst because the Chantry was an imperfect vessel steered in any direction by the people in power. He had no doubt that Leliana was a great Divine, but even she could err. Josh then lifted the book he had under his arm. Cullen’s eyes locked onto it as he saw the mage point to it with a small smile. “Do you know what this is?”

The nobles in the room shook their heads in confusion as the Inner Circle sheathed their weapons and Cullen nodded to himself when he saw the book in full view. He knew it well.

“This is the wirt from Divine Justinia V that gave us the authority to act. We would close the breach; we would find those responsible with or without the Chantry’s approval. Our job is not yet done!”

Cullen watched in horror was Josh intoned veilfire, searing the tome and tossed it nonchalantly to the ground. Every soul in the hall gasped as the mage pointed to the men on either side of the Divine and cursed.

“But you WANT chaos- so by all means take it. From this moment forward, I find Thedas unworthy of my protection: The Inquisition is disbanded.” Josh smiled as he turned to leave. “Oh and Arl Teagan, the only reason the mages and templars haven’t killed each other WAS the Inquisition. Oh…but wait- The Inquisition is gone.”

Cullen rushed after Josh as the mage stood at the doors briefly. Even then, everyone was in shock. The Inner Circle reeled in bewilderment, with glances between Leliana and Josephine, both utterly confused.

“When the sky comes crashing down from above, do not call for my aid. Like the Maker, I will ignore you. Ferelden and Orlais will stand alone.” Josh clicked his fingers to dispel the petrified guards, he made a final sign, his hands over his mouth as if shielding a secret as Cullen reached for his shoulder but he was gone, nothing but wisps of his voice upon the wind and an unkindness of ravens filling the halls as he departed, his voice ringing throughout the palace as he flew. “Give my regards to Empress Celine, King Alistair and Queen Anora.”

 

\---

 

Two years passed after the disbanding of the Inquisition and the world was torn asunder by the chaos left in Josh’s wake. Ferelden and Orlais fell after the Mage-Templar War reignited in full force. The Qunari attempted to conquer the South but was subsequent rooted from Thedas by Solas’ trusted lieutenant, Velanna. The eluvians allowed the agents and the Herald of Fen’Harel to strike swiftly and without mercy, until one day everything collapsed as the Evanuris returned and waged war upon the world. The sky fell from Skyhold outwards and the only survivors were Solas and Cullen. Josh didn’t even count anymore as he was nothing more than a shadow, glimpsed a few times then gone.

It was a frightening moment when Cullen ended up in Skyhold once more, in hot pursuit of his former-lover as he dodged demons and spirits alike as the so called "Gods" fought against Fen'Harel for his trickery, ripping the world apart, piece by piece. He gritted his teeth when he remembered how distraught everyone looked as he darted after the former-inquisitor two years two years. He didn’t even look for Sulahn or his family; he ran straight after Josh and saw the mage open up the eluvian and them there started a sick two year game of cat and mouse as Josh ran and he followed relentlessly.

Cullen First-Thaw broke into a blind rage as he moved towards Josh, who walked unsteadily towards a blackened archway in the distance after closing the eluvian they had just entered in Skyhold- the one Morrigan left behind. The mage didn’t notice Cullen and it allowed him leap forward and pull the mage down. Cullen then began to punch at his chest as the mage attempted to fight back. The Knight-Enchanter let out a stunned look as Cullen pulled him to his feet and held him tight, a terrified look in Josh’s eyes as he screamed in pain as he mark flared up.

“You are not the Josh I remember!” the former-templar screamed as he punched hard at his face. “How could you do this!?”

“T-This world is dead Cullen.” Josh mouthed between strikes but Cullen was not satisfied with the answer. He brought his hand hard across Josh’s face and the mage fade stepped backward, a red welt on his face as he began to cry. For once since the joining of Thedas and the Fade, Cullen felt his head throb all over again from lyrium withdrawal as Josh merely looked at him and cried- his Mark kept flaring up as he stilled his ragged breaths when Cullen lowered himself in front of the mage. “I sent Alara with Solas because she was the only one who knew his heart.”

“She failed to stop him!”

“Precisely. She died happy at her l-lover’s side.” Josh muttered as Cullen wiped his tears, but the mage pulled away. “I remember everything. When I drank from the Well, I knew who Solas was and I pledged myself to him. This world is a festering wound that needs to be purged to heal anew.”

“You’re mad.”

“I’m mad for loving you. The Well warned me: ‘Become a wolf, deceive the lion before he steals your heart. Glorious movement/change you must weave.’ I deceived you and yet here I am, in love and dying- you stole my heart.” Josh flushed as he looked away but Cullen took his chin and turned his face so their eyes met. “You should go if you value your life. You don’t want to be here when I go inside the City.”

“Go inside the City?” Cullen looked behind him and saw a towering eluvian of impossible dimensions. He looked to the archway Josh pointed to and saw it soaring into the green sky above with a black door held tight by tendrils of living blackness- the Blight. He sang the Chant as a templar, he studied lore enough as an Avvar to know of the place and his heart hammered in his chest when he realized Josh’s intention. “You cannot! No!”

“It was too much to hope to that you would n-not follow me, even at the end to time. Just for once to walk His halls and see for myself if He is real or a mere m-myth.” Josh looked unsure as he looked off into the distance with a sad smile. “Two hearts, one coin. Two minds, one goal. Two marks, one sky. Two heralds, one God. Twin souls but now we must part. Ha! At least Alexius’ lessons were good for something…”

Josh pulled out a small book from his coat with weathered pages, he pointed to it with a happy look he placed it in the former-commander’s hands. He then broke his spear into its dual parts and handed the harpoon to Cullen and aimed it at his own heart.

“Find Alara. Show it to her and Maxwell.”

“What?! I don’t understand!”

“Maxwell will take you to see me. I will probably blush like a maiden, but please- keep me away from the Conclave. How fitting for me to die at the doors and not inside. Keep the necklace safe, it will keep you.” Josh cried as he pulled Cullen into a kiss but Cullen stopped him and unclasped his necklace and reclasped it after freeing his mother’s ring.

“Joshua…You are everything to me, even in a world with no future. Marry me.” 

The mage smiled at him sadly as Cullen tried to place the ring on his finger, but Josh balled is fingers to stop him. 

“Solas knew that my name was never Joshua. It was Josh, and it means ‘movement’ or ‘change’. A fitting name for a Herald of the God of Rebellion, no?”

“Fine. Will you marry me, Josh Lavellan-Trevelyan?”

The world turned green and black as Josh kissed his lover’s scar and the former templar plunged his chest. Josh let out a sickening low sound as he smiled into Cullen’s neck as the former templar hugged at his chest with tears in his eyes.

“I…won’t. But Joshua will.”

 

\---

 

Cullen awoke at midnight, in a cold sweat in a bed he knew all too well. It was the Knight-Commander’s quarters in Kirkwall. He stretched out of bed and gritted his teeth when he failed to summon up fire to light a candle. He lit it manually and gasped when he saw that his face was covered with less scars and he had no war paint on. 

His hair curled slightly and short, his beard shaven into a goatee. His scar was there, but recent. The scars on his muscular chest were less and he was more thick set than he was with the Avvar. He wore the necklace Josh gave him, it had Branson’s coin and his mother’s ring. He looked inside his nightstand and pulled out his journal the most recent entry was after Meredith’s death, the efforts to rebuild Kirkwall with Rylen. It was 9:40 Dragon.

He then realized when he was, a year before the Conclave. He remembered clearly that he had met Cassandra that year to offer him a place within the Inquisition. He looked over to his left and saw the book Josh gave him on the nightstand. He placed it inside his travel pack as he packed up what he could. He wrote out a letter for Aveline and Rylen, and an apology for Cassandra after he dressed and he left Kirkwall behind him and made his way to Ostwick.

He kept his head down for the most part, opting to wear leathers than his armor. He made it to the Free Marches city within a few days and boarded at a tavern for the night. Once he was settled in, he asked about town to find the Trevelyan Estate, he was shocked to discover that it was indeed the largest estate in the city, covered in verdant pastures and gardens and a massive mansion in the middle of the estate grounds.

Cullen caught sight of a man he instantly recognized to be Maxwell. The warrior was busying himself by helping Alara with her archery. When he called to the man, the noble raised a brown brow as Cullen approached in full templar regalia. Alara hid behind her brother and Maxwell pointed his sword to Cullen, who looked at them dumbstruck.

“Forgive me my intrusion. My name is Cullen Rutherford; I am the Knight-Commander of Kirkwall’s Circle. I am not here for Lady Ashara.”

The archer’s eyes widened as she pulled away from Maxwell, who himself gave Cullen a worried look.

“How do you know my name?”

“Here. This will explain much.” Cullen threw her the sketchbook and her eyes teared up as he took in the drawings. She showed it to her brother who waved down a servant and told him to tell his parents that he would be out on the town for a while. They led Cullen to a secluded side of the estate and sat him down on a stump of a tree. 

The templar did his best to explain what he could but there was an untold knowingness in the sibling’s eyes as they regarded him carefully. They accepted his explanations for what it was and took him to the Ostwick Circle after coercing Aurelia Trevelyan. Cullen inwardly cursed her coldness. She was an utter bitch.

Within a few minutes, they approached an old, worn building that spanned about a third of Skyhold. It had three floors and the Circle of Magi banner on either side of the doors leading inside. The templar at the doors immediately recognized Maxwell and allowed them inside.

Cullen was pleased to see that Ostwick’s Circle was as sedate as the rumors said it was. There were barely any tranquil in the Circle and the templars interacted freely with the mages, a few were taken aback when they saw Cullen but otherwise the Circle was pleasant. It was nothing like Kinloch Hold.

Maxwell took Cullen to speak with the Knight-Commander of the Circle, in some ways, the man reminded him of Irving, very astute and very concerned for his charges despite being an old man of senior years, he allowed Cullen to meet with First Enchanter Joshua but alone at Cullen’s request. 

Maxwell escorted him to the doors of leading to the stairs to his younger brother’s room but pushed Cullen against the wall with a feral growl as Alara gave them worried looks.

“The sketches in…W-Who are you to him?”

Cullen flushed as he looked away and he gave Maxwell a sad look.

“The man with with your eyes and Ser Jason’s hair, a knight in shining armor who would love him so he would never want for more.” Maxwell eased his grip when he heard the words and smiled slightly.

“Go ahead. But if you hurt him I swear I’ll…” The warrior hesitated but gave him a serious look as redness crept up his neck. “I will break you.”

Cullen nodded as he took the sketchbook from Alara and made his way up the stairs, alone. He stood at the doors for moment as he heard Josh sing to himself.

 

And all the light will be revealed

And all the future prophecy

And all the waves deceive the sea

And on the road are you and me

 

Cullen snuck into the room as Josh began to hum to himself, walking about the room with a bunch of books in his hands as he moved books from shelf to shelf. He stood awkwardly, watching the mage move, enraptured by his armor and his comely appearance.

Josh’s hair was cut short, his beard trimmed and his eyes closed as he hummed to himself happily, minding his own business.

 

And all the winds are like a kiss

And all the years are nemesis

And all the moments fall in mist

And all is dust, remember this

 

The mage suddenly dropped the books he had with a small gasp, his eyes wide as he looked at Cullen, unsure what to do. The templar moved forward to help, but ended up gazing fingers with the nervous, shammering mage as Josh picked up the books.

“I am so sorry! I-I...” Josh murmured with a bashful look as Cullen helped him to move the books to the endtable. “I am…at a loss. I am J-Joshua T-T-Trevelyan, ser- I am remiss to ask your name.”

“Knight-Commander Cullen Stanton Rutherford, how do you do?”

“Oh my! Has Ser Hale passed on while I was not looking for there to be a new Knight-Commander here?! Oh dear oh dear…” Josh turned too quickly and ended up in Cullen’s arms as the templar saved him from falling to the ground. “…Oh dear.”

“I…uh-“ Cullen stammered as he helped Josh get back to his own feet and smiled slightly. “No. I-I’m from the Kirkwall Circle. I came to see you.”

“T-To see m-me?” Josh gave him a doubting glance but Cullen nodded.

“Before I tell you why I am here, could you finish the song you were singing?”

“W-Why?” Josh turned a shade of red that made Cullen chuckle, it was redder than the time Cullen took Josh on the war table.

“You sing beautifully and I would like to hear it.”

“R-Really? I- Alright t-then.”

Cullen sat down on a chair Josh offered him and Josh sat at the foot of the bed as he continued the song.

 

And all the light will be, will be

And all the waves deceive

And all the waves deceive the sea

When all the light will be

 

And all the dust will drift away

And all the nights and all the days

And all the heavens go their way

And only change is here to stay

 

Mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm

Mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm

Mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm

Mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm

 

And all the light will be, will be

And all the waves deceive

And all the waves deceive the sea

When all the light will be

 

And all the stars without a name

And all the skies that look the same

And all the clouds that fade and then

Then all of this begins again

 

“Your voice is like honey.” Cullen mused aloud and the mage turned beet red at his offhand compliment. The templar extended his hand and the mage looked at him curiously as Cullen spoke shyly. He could not believe how nervous he was, for goodness sake, he fucked this man senseless before; but somehow it felt innocent at the moment- Just right. That was when Cullen remembered that this time- he could do things right by Josh. “I…I mean- would you like to have lunch with me, First Enchanter? Then we could talk at leisure on my reasons for coming.”

“…I…yes.” Josh nodded as he took Cullen’s hand and the templar relished in the feeling of an unmarked hand in his own. “I would love that, Cullen.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> A hearty thank you for reading Shadows In The Light. If you liked it, please let me know. If you didn't, please let me know why. I'm always looking to improve, what better way than with constructive criticism, no? ^_^


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